Transcript
Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is, I'm recently married and really value investing time in my relationship with my husband. At the same time I have many single friends who I do not want to feel that I have forgotten about them And I also want to spend time trying to set them up. What is the proper balance and what is my role here? This is a very common question and here's why I think it's a very common question Over the years many women have shared with me that when their friends get married, they feel abandoned All their friends do is hang out with their husbands and they've totally forgotten about them. So what happens is that I think so many of us have heard that from people that we don't want to be the ones to disappoint our friends by leaving them behind so to speak. The reality is that our friends are probably going to be disappointed. And here's why.
At the end of the day, just as when you're building a house, the foundation has to be strong. When you're building a marriage, the foundation has to be strong. The formative years of your marriage, before you have children, are so critical. Spending time with each other, building the relationship. These are the things that are going to make a very big difference 10, 15, 20 years down the line. When you get older and life gets really busy, you have so little time to spend with each other. So it's so important to make sure that the foundation of a marriage is strong. Now that doesn't mean that we don't get to spend time with our friends. And it certainly doesn't mean that we should spend time with each other.
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A couple of nights a week with your friends as you did when you were single, that's a problem. Maybe you'll say that's an exaggeration, but I'll share with you that I had exactly such a case. A woman who got married, she was so sensitive to the friend's needs that she spent literally a couple nights a week with her friends acting as she did when she was single. Her husband called me up and he said, I feel like my wife doesn't want to spend time with me. Literally I'm going to the base measures night Seder Shana Rishona because she's just not around And ultimately Baruch Hashem they did work it out But it was a very painful process because There's an expectation that this is the time when you're building your marriage So my strong advice to you would be as follows Communicate with your friends Explain to your friends that you love them Don't hesitate to reach out and wish them a good Shabbos Invite them for Shabbos where it's appropriate But ultimately, make sure that the foundation of your home is rock solid. These years do not come back. You look back 10, 15, 20 years from now at those first formative years of your marriage. They are super critical. Please, please don't give up on them.
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