Transcript
Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is, I'm really struggling with division of responsibility on the house. It feels like I am always doing everything. I've spoken to my husband about it before and he has improved but only for a short period after our conversations. What does Rav Burg recommend? First of all, this is a very common problem and I definitely can understand that division of responsibilities is very important because it can't all fall on you and It is important to break preconceived notions. Sometimes we come into a particular marriage and our husbands or wives have preconceived notions from the homes they grew up in. So perhaps the division of labor in your husband's home was different than the division of labor in your home. And even if it was the same, it may not work for you. I just want to call attention to one thing in your question which said, It feels like I am always doing everything.
So first of all, I definitely can understand that that's a feeling, but I would ask you to question whether or not that's true. Are you always doing everything? The reason I bring this up is as follows. Sometimes our husbands are doing more than we realize, and if we come to them and we say to them, I feel like I'm always doing everything. It minimizes and diminishes what they're doing, not just in terms of our communication
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Be in sync with one another Hey, there are things that I'm asking for that I've had conversations about that she's not doing and that's normal and expected It's important to have realistic expectations in a marriage because expectations are premeditated disappointments and when we get disappointed often we get resentful and that Resentment creeps into our communication and it creeps into the fabric of our relationship. So it's important to stay with the communication It's also important to make sure that your expectations are in line with the current reality. If you're newly married and you're young And you're working things out give it time tremendous amount of patience Really, this is one of the keys to marriage Intimacy the creation of oneness means taking down the ego and that's a lifelong avodah So be patient hang in there and God willing it will get better
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