Transcript
Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is Why is it that Shadchanim are constantly saying what I'm looking for doesn't exist? Are there not boys out there who value learning and also understand the responsibility to make a parnasa? What should a girl do when she's told such a thing? Any Chizuk to keep pushing forward? Thank you Yes, I have Chizuk for you to keep pushing forward These Shadchanim are wrong Why they say such a thing? I have no idea Shabbat G-d-yah. Certainly boys like that exist. There are plenty of boys who value their learning. There are plenty of boys who want to make a panasa and support their family, and there's nothing wrong with it. So these boys certainly do exist. These shabchanim in my opinion are doing something very harmful. Number one, they're playing a role that's not theirs to play. It's important for us to have reasonable expectations.
Not everybody is going to be even close to perfect. There is a difference between saying, I need to have reasonable expectations and what I'm looking for doesn't exist. That is not the job of a Shadchan. You have every right to say, I'm looking for someone whose values is Yiddishkeit, who's passionate about Yiddishkeit, and who wants to make a panasa. And to compromise on something like that is such a dreadful mistake. We must have emunah, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu was Mezavig Erezivig, and we must have is the confidence that comes with that emunah. Unfortunately, because so many of us have heard these toxic messages over and over and over again, we are operating from a deep place of fear. And fear does not allow us to show up authentically on a date. And the whole reason why we need to have confidence is because if we cannot show up authentically to a date, We cannot build a relationship with another person.
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We must have the ability to show up as ourselves and rely on our Kadosh Baruch Hu to put the right people in front of us. That is our responsibility. So unfortunately we've created such a toxic society where we tell people the thing you're looking for doesn't exist. And what's amazing is that I hear it from both sides. The girls say there's no good guys and the guys say there's no good girls. There's plenty of good guys, there's plenty of good girls. And Baruch Hashem, there's wonderful, wonderful Shadchanim out there. But if you are engaging with Shadchanim, that are cultivating a society of fear, I would strongly recommend that perhaps while you may take their shaduchim seriously, I would not necessarily take their advice so seriously.
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