Transcript
Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is, what advice do you have for engaged couples and newlyweds? Many years ago I had a student who unfortunately had fallen on his head as a baby and as a result developed a very severe language delay. And so when I was teaching this young man, I would ask a question to the class and he would raise his hand because he knew the answer. He was quite bright. But because of his language delay, sometimes it would take him 30 seconds A couple of minutes even until he was able to answer the question. And it was a real pachat for me to see that when we're forming, when we're young, and everything is so new, there's a tremendous opportunity, but there's also a tremendous danger. If Chazvasholom were not careful in the beginning, it could have long-term lasting effects. When a person is engaged or a newlywed, it's a very beautiful time.
This is a little bit harder because there's the pressures of the wedding which today are absolutely out of control. But it's a great opportunity to really build the circle that exists between you and your spouse. And what happens is that in those years, especially in the time before you have children and before you have massive levels of responsibility, you really have the opportunity to spend time with each other. And as you build the relationship and fortify the relationship with each other, it allows Those who would withstand future challenges that come up in the future. One of the big mistakes that I personally made when I was newly married is I did not go away for a honeymoon. And I thought I was learning in Khol at the time and it's not like we had a lot of money, so I thought to myself, you know, this is a luxury and we really can't afford it.
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And my wife felt the same way. It wasn't until we had our first child that we realized what a mistake that was because we were never going to have more money than we had then. The truth of the matter is that it's a very precious opportunity and we had given that up. So we went away but it was already different. It's very important in the beginning to really build a relationship with each other. As you work towards getting close with each other and really fortifying the relationship, what I mean by that is to recognize that yes you have families that you come from but now you're building your own family. As you focus on each other and learn each other, that will give you the opportunity to really withstand the challenges that come in the future. So for example, a couple that's a newly married couple and they're really working on their communication and learning the likes and dislikes of the other person, making space for them, really learning how to communicate, learning what it is that sets them off and really working on trying to see the other person for who they are, there's inevitably going
Sholem T'Sidewith anyone other than your spouse. These are the things that build the relationship. What you can't realize, especially at that young age, is what it's going to be like later in life. What are the challenges that are going to come up when you have teenage children of your own, when you have a mortgage and you lose your job? These are the types of earthquakes that really can rock a family. But the couple that's worked in those early years, which are some of the best years of Shabbat Shalom B'Yisrael
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