Looking For The One

2:06 We can't just sit back. For some people it works, and for some people it doesn't. But more often than not, the girls that sit back, they're not going to get the dates. It's just the reality. We have to put ourselves out there. But that is not chassu shalom min, on any level, that a person shouldn't be focusing in a very serious way on davening to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, that we should be zayichat, to be able to meet someone with whom we can become one with. I remember there was a Bachir in Yeshiva who was quote-unquote an older single and his davening was mamish inspirational and it wasn't because he wasn't getting dates he was getting. plenty of dates but he was having difficulty finding somebody with whom he could build a life, and I remember that he told me that what's he davening for of course that he should find the proper zivug but he was davening that he should come to the clarity that he needed to have of what was going on in his dating life that he was having difficulty finding somebody so of course we should do our hishtablus but chas v'shalom to think that our hishtablus in any way should impact our tefillah our tefillah should be equal to our hishtablus again the question is what can.

3:12 make the shirk crisis go away what can we do as a community and what are ideas that can make the process of waiting to be set up easier, You know, dating is the great equalizer. For many of us, all of our inner negative beliefs are confirmed when we're dating somebody and it doesn't go the way we want. I don't know what we can do as a community to solve the Shidduch crisis. It's a very big question and I'm not sure I have the answer. But in terms of the process of waiting to be set up, how can we make that easier? I can relate to you the story of the Raghat Shavar Gayin. They say that the Raghat Shavar Gayin, every single Shidduch that he went out on, he paid the Sha'archan Shadkhanas. Even if the Shedokh didn't work out. Meaning there's a minag that when a person gets married and, somebody has set them up that they give a gift to the Sha'archan to say thank you. That's called Sha'archanos. And they say the Raghat Shevar would give this gift to every single Sha'archan that set him up. Why? He would say that there's a certain amount of people that you have to go through. In Shammai there's a certain amount of people that you have to go through until you get to your Zivud.

4:14 So he said okay, this one didn't result in marriage, but it did get me one step closer. We have to believe, we have to have Amunah, and we have to be Mischazik ourselves in our Amunah. That every single date that we go on, as painful as it might be when it doesn't work out, it gets us one step closer. And I think it's also important to keep in mind that this pain that we're feeling as we're going through the process, which is very real. But when you look back on it, after you're married by Ezzer Hashem with children, when you look back on the pain, as. difficult as it was, you realize that it was part of a process. Perhaps one could suggest that if you're actually focused on the fact that this is a process and there's going to be ups and there's going to be downs, but ultimately with G-d's help every single one of us is going to find a beautiful, healthy, appropriate Shedokh, perhaps it could somewhat, somewhat minimize the pain, knowing that you're part of a process. Now, the last part of the question is if it's all up to G-d, what does one do in terms of personal effort? Girls, everything in this world is up to G-d. Every single thing in this world is up to G-d.

5:17 But G-d requires for us that we do not want to live in a world of open miracles. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, I want to be hidden in the world. So Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, I'll fill your kli, but you have to build the vessel. It's our job to build the vessel. If we don't take care of ourselves, if we're not, as one girl once told me, She was maqbid to sleep every single time that she had a date. She would take a nap that afternoon so she would be well rested. Because this way she could do her best when she was going out on the date to be engaged. I know this story because that was the girl I married. My wife was maqbid that on every date she should come emotionally prepared. Of course, it's all up to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Everything happens bi'ito o bezmano. But the mitzias is the reality as we have to be aware. We have to create the kli. Hakadosh Baruch Hu will fill it up. And this means prioritizing our dating life, being clear with people what we're looking for, staying on people's minds, making connections and really putting ourselves out there. Unfortunately, we live in a world where there are many, many, many more wonderful girls than there are guys.

6:22 Baruch Hashem, we as a community have inspired the young women and the young men are not as inspired. And so there are many more women than there are young men that are looking for what you girls are looking for. But I'll tell you something. It's all up to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. The zivug is already in place. You don't have to worry about if you're going to find someone because that's already set up. The only question is how long will it take? Bez Hashem it'll go fast for every single one of us.