Chapters
Transcript
Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is an exceptionally powerful question. I feel like I'm in a very abusive relationship with God and that nothing ever seems to go my way no matter how much effort or lack of it I invest and it makes me feel like I want out. What does someone in this situation do? Well, the first thing I want the questioner to know is that I see that you're in a tremendous amount of pain and I really respect the fact that you have the capacity to ask this question. I think it's amazing that you have that capacity considering how much pain you're in. to describe your relationship with God as abusive. You must be in a tremendous amount of pain. From a philosophical perspective, I think it's important to remember, that God is not a vending machine. With a vending machine, we put in the money, we press the buttons, and the candy comes out. And very often we make this mistake when it comes to God. We put in effort, we do the mitzvos. Sometimes we don't, sometimes we do more, sometimes we do less. And we ask sincerely, this is something that's really important to me.
And we don't get what we want. And it feels wrong to us. It feels hurtful. Like, how come I just can't get what I want? So from a philosophical perspective, we have to remember that we're here to serve God, and God is not here to serve us. And if we're not getting what we want, it's because we're not supposed to get it. If you believe in God, then that means that you get exactly what you're supposed to get. And while that can be very frustrating, it doesn't mean that we're in an abusive relationship. In an abusive relationship, you don't respect me, and you're treating me inappropriately. God is not treating us inappropriately. He's giving us exactly what we need. But that doesn't necessarily mean that we're not going to be in pain, and I definitely hear your pain. The philosophy of it is to know that you're not in an abusive relationship with God. You're in a loving, wonderful relationship with God, but you feel hurt. There's a difference between feeling hurt and feeling abused. But I don't think that's the question you asked. I think the question you asked is, what does someone do when they want out.
Read the full transcript
because they just can't seem to get what they need? I would wonder, on a personal level, if this is something that extends beyond your relationship with God. Is this something that you find in other areas of your life, that you just can't seem to get what you need, and that you find that you're in relationships with people that won't give you what you need? And as a result, you want out. Sometimes these things are emblematic of other things that are going on in our lives. And if they are indeed going on in other aspects of our lives, then it's important that we. be curious about ourselves and that we really think to ourselves, is this happening in God's world or is this happening in my world? Maybe there's something that's going on in me on a psychological level that needs examination. But let's say that that's not the case. Let's say, no, I'm in healthy relationships everywhere else in my life. But when it comes to God, I'm in a tremendous amount of pain and I just want out. So I would say, and of course, you know, I'm speaking now to the general klal and not to.
a specific person, but on a general level. The loyalty of our relationships is tested. And that's how you know if they're real. When the relationship is going well, it's easy to be loyal. But when the relationship is not going well, and in this case that means that there are things that are really important to you that you're not getting, now we're going to find out if you really believe in the relationship. In an abusive relationship, you shouldn't stay loyal. Of course not. In an abusive relationship, you should protect yourself and you should leave. But knowing that God is not abusive, but I'm still not getting what I need, the question is, will you be loyal to the relationship or not? I don't blame anyone who says, I just can't be loyal to the relationship. After the Holocaust, when Jews had seen suffering the likes of which we cannot even imagine, and those Jews chose to leave their relationship with God. Obviously, we have no tainas on those people. It makes sense to us. After seeing the things that they saw, after experiencing the things that they experienced,
I can understand how that shook their faith in God. Obviously, I have no tainas on those people. I happen to think it's amazing those people that actually stayed loyal to their relationship with God because I cannot even imagine the strength that it took for them to stay loyal. But that is where a relationship is tested. When things are not going the way you want them to go, do you leave or do you double down? And I think that's a question that we really need to ask ourselves, especially in today's day and age, because so many people are just leaving relationships because they're not. getting what they want. And they're labeling those relationships as abusive, even though they're not necessarily abusive. Maybe what you're asking for is inappropriate. And so when a spouse or a loved one says no, it's not because they're being abusive, but it's simply because it's not the right thing. So it's a question of emunah. Do you have enough emunah in Hakadosh Baruch Hu to say, this is exceptionally painful, I'm not denying the pain, this is exceptionally painful, and yet I'm going to put my faith in God that this is not something I'm supposed to have, that I don't control God, that's.
not the way this works, that's idolatrous. And I will stay loyal to the relationship. I will stay loyal to the relationship in my pain, which is one of the most incredible ways of serving God. Or, do I leave? I don't blame anyone for leaving. Everyone has to make their own decisions. But if you're asking me what can you do so that you don't leave, I think this is exactly where Amunah comes into play. Will you be faithful to the relationship even when you're suffering?
Is this shiur filed in the wrong place? Let us know.