Chapters
Transcript
Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is, what should one do to help their siblings or those surrounding them to find the right derech? What is the best way to impact those around you without turning them away? It's a very good question. It's a very important question. But I think before we answer it, we need to highlight one key component to the question. And that is that there is no right derech. Of course, in a general sense, we should all do our best to be following the Torah and the mitzvos, to do our best to be as observant as possible. But when we speak about the derech, that makes me a little uncomfortable. First of all, there are so many different drachim. Rabbi Landis, who was the principal of Yula, said, when kids are going off the derech, it's our job to expand the road. It's something very, very off-putting about people that say this is the derech. Everybody has their own unique way of serving Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Obviously, again, there are certain strict parameters. We all have to keep Shabbos. We all have to keep kosher. But the way that we keep Shabbos, I think, should be different.
We all have something unique to contribute. For some people, the focus is on learning Torah. For others, it's miros on Shabbos. For others, it's davening. For others, it's mikvah. Everybody has their own unique personality that they bring. And when people speak about the right derech, there's something about that that makes me uncomfortable. Now, I'm sure that's not what our questioner meant. I'm sure that the questioner means, how can I help people grow closer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu? Given that that's the... question. So then the question is, what's the best way to impact them? Well, I don't know that. we're trying to impact people as much as we're trying to share with them the knowledge that we've gained over the years. And we're trying to perhaps give over some of the good things in our lives that have come about. And that's really the best way of helping a person. The best way is to share your journey with them. The Mishnah Novo says, It doesn't say that you should be makar of them by loving them. It says you should love them.
Read the full transcript
And then as a function of your love, you should be makar of them. So number one, let's just love people. There's something extraordinary about saying, I love you. I care about you. You're an important person in my life. And that's not in order to get them to keep Shabbos, because that's abusive. And it's not real love. Real love is I love you. The Rebbe Nisholm does not love us because we keep his mitzvot. He loves us. At Memelu, we keep his mitzvot. People that love us in our lives, we want to do good things for them. But because we love someone, we want to share with them the good things that we have. Just like my children, I share with them the money that I have, and I share with them my time, so too I share with them the most precious possession that I have, which is my relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu and the Tairach Daisha. But we're not trying to get people to be observant. We're trying to draw them close. That's the Lashon of Makarvin Lataira. Makarvin Lataira means I want to bring you close. Let me show you what this is really about.
And then by showing them what it's really about, most people on their own intuitively understand that there's something amazing going on over here. A quick word about the abuse that potentially can happen in the Kiruv world. Many years ago, I was invited on a Shabbaton. I won't get into the specifics because it would give away perhaps the organization. But I was invited on a, quote-unquote, Kiruv Shabbaton. And the Kiruv rabbi on this Kiruv Shabbaton was telling me, I'm a numbers man. I can tell you how many people I've gotten to keep kosher this year. and how many people I've gotten to keep Shabbos this year. And as he was talking, I didn't know if he realized how embarrassing what he was saying was. I think he really believed that he was doing the best thing he knew how, which was to help more people keep Shabbos and keep kosher. But he said, I'm a numbers man. It's all about the numbers. How many people keep Shabbos? How many people keep kosher? And that's really the opposite of everything I believe. It's not about numbers at all. It's about people. It's about people who have a mission in this world and about allowing them to realize.
that the mission that they have is important. So if they keep Shabbos, if they keep kosher, that's awesome, that's amazing. But that has nothing to do with Ove Mesabrios. Ove Mesabrios means I love you regardless of whether or not you keep kosher or not. But because I love you, I want what's best for you. And what's best for you is to fulfill the mission for which you were created. And that's something that I can share with you. I can draw you close to that. But everything else after that, that's up to you. And we have to be very careful when we're trying to share, not to impact per se, not to influence, but to share our lives with others. We have to be really careful that it's coming from that deep place of love, from that deep place of appreciation of every single soul that the Rabbinishlam has put into this world.
Is this shiur filed in the wrong place? Let us know.