NCSY Staff Chizuk Shabbaton - Q&A with Rav Burg

2:51 It's very easy to judge a person by their actions and to say this is who you are and that's the trap The trap is that we look at each other and say She did this and he did this and then we typecast people. We put them in boxes. We say this is the type of Jew that you are. It's not true. A Yid is a Yid. The Gemara makes it clear, Afalpish HaChahtah Yisrael Hu. Elaikayin Hashem Shammah Shannasatabi Ta'Hayrehi. There is nothing that any of us in this room could do to change who we are Be'etzeh. There are people that wreak havoc on the world because they come with a tzaris ayah, they come with a negative worldview, and they tell people who they are. They get called into offices, you did this and you did that, and they know the way they're really seen.

4:27 So many people are expressing today at the time of this summer to speak with a couple of young men from a different camp. The boys were saying how they hate their high school experience. They asked them why and they said they hate us. They're right. When you know that you're hated, when you know it's like the school doesn't really want you to be there, it hurts. It's a makas chayashach, says the kurgush harem. You can't see that kid for who he really is. Because that's not who they really are, right? They're really good. And they're just behaving in a particular way for a particular reason that we know nothing about. I was expelled from elementary school in fifth grade. That's my claim to fame. Everyone always asks, what could you have possibly done in fifth grade to get expelled? It doesn't matter. I never answer the question.

5:28 And I have no tinas on the school for expelling me. I have one tina. And it's not their fault. It was the 80s. Nobody thought this way back then. But nobody, in all the years that I was in that elementary school, nobody asked me why I was behaving that way. What was driving that behavior? And I want you to know that even as a fourth grader, I understood why I was behaving the way I was behaving. But nobody asked. And if they would have, maybe I wouldn't have exactly had the emotional language to be able to articulate it, but if they would have asked, I would have been able to tell them. I remember even knowing it. I remember sitting in the principal's office looking at him going, you have no idea who I am. And so when they expelled me, the only tina I've ever had is why didn't you ask, why Why weren't you curious? Chidush Erem says that very often the reason we're not curious about other people is because the inner critic that we have about ourselves becomes the lens through which we see the world.

6:33 It's not the prashat that we're negative about these kids. We're negative about ourselves. And then it becomes the lens through which we see these kids. The inner critic that we have has to be carefully guarded. There's nothing wrong with a person feeling regret, there's nothing wrong with a person feeling a healthy sense of guilt. Rabbi Abraham Torskiel of Hashem said, healthy guilt is like the bumps on the side of the highway. It just reminds you, you're drifting off a little bit. But what we feel very often is a deep sense of shame. Shame is, I am unworthy of love and connection because of what I've done. The problem is that when we see ourselves in that light, so we very often give that over to others. And so when we see one of our NCSYers doing something that they shouldn't be doing, we get annoyed, we get frustrated, perhaps in a moment of weakness we could lash out, rather than being curious.

7:27 What's going on? Why is that person behaving that way? How is it helping them? How is it protecting them? It's our own negativity that we're shoving on to the rest of the world. This says the Chidushy A'arim, is makastoshach, velo Kamu Ishmi Tachtav. We were being crushed under the burden of our own negativity. The darkness that we were experiencing was our own negativity and it was crushing us so it didn't allow us to see our friends. It didn't allow us to see each other for who we truly are. The obligation of every NCSY advisor, the obligation of every Rebbe, of every teacher, of every mechanechit, of every rakhezit, of every single role model is to love our NCSY-ers into being. That's the gift we can give them. There are voices in our lives that are stronger and voices in our lives that are weaker. There's no doubt that the voice of a parent is a very powerful voice.

8:25 The voice of the Rebbe, the teacher, is a very powerful voice. Do not underestimate the power of the voice of an NCSY advisor. You have no idea how much you mean to those NCSYers. You think you know, you have no idea how much you mean. What you're doing is exceptional. And you'll know you're young still. In 20 and 30 years from now, you'll hear, that was my NCSY advisor. I remember when we had that conversation. I remember when you treated me gently with kindness and compassion. And you gave me a voice to be able to hold myself when I didn't know how to hold myself. There's a boy in the Vassara today. His name is Tani Englander. Tani Englander's father, Adam Englander, Rabbi Adam Englander, is the head of school of Halb Elementary School. His father was my NCSY advisor. So he gets such a kick out of it. He always says, my son is learning by my NCSY.

9:30 And it's funny, it is funny. It's like I was his age, you know, when I was hanging out with Adam back in the day. But I want you to know that for the last however many years, well before I met Tanya Englander, there's such a warm space in my heart for Adam Englander. Because he was one of those guys and a very hard, it's hard, do you remember it's hard being a teenager? Do you remember? You're not so old yet. Sorry, who wants to be a teenager? Only teenagers want to be teenagers. Then as soon as they're done they go, that was terrible. You remember how hard it was? Not sure if you fit in, to not fit in, to be with a different friend group every other day, to not sure what your hushkapha was, to be bouncing back and forth. It's a very hard time in a person's life. To have a voice of stability, a voice of kindness, a voice of compassion is what gives us the strength in life to be successful.

10:23 You're that voice. So that's a huge responsibility. It's not something to be taken lightly. It means that the words that come out of your mouth have the capacity to build someone or chassvashalim to destroy them. That words that are said in anger and a moment of frustration while understandable have the capacity to do a devastating amount of negative impact and vice versa. When your NCSYers are at their worst, when you're on a spring regional with them and they sneak off into a forest, I'm not saying anything specific. I'm not saying that Rabbi Nathan and all of us didn't one time find his way into the forest, that it's been regional and find the Gevre of Gai's and other people that were hanging out in the forest and treat us with kindness and compassion in 1997. I'm not saying that happened, I'm just saying that if it did, and I remember Rabbi Nathan's kindness back then, you can be sure that your positive words will go a long way also.

11:28 So I want to bless everybody here that we should have the capacity to stay conscious, Bez Hashem to do our best to lift up the NCSYs that we have and to share with them who they truly are. I understand there's questions. Thank you. Okay, so there were a few questions that were pre-submitted. There were a few questions that were pre-submitted and then we'd love to open it up so if anyone has questions we'll save the last portion of our time together for those. So one of the questions that was submitted surrounded this topic that you touched on of forming these Shabbaton Rav b'chadzim shabbaton Rav b'chadzim shabbaton Being really warm and excited to see someone maybe on a Shabbaton to actually forming a real and meaningful relationship on that. And they're wondering if the Rebbe wouldn't mind speaking on what it takes to really form those types of relationships.

12:36 I guess it depends on what you mean when you say meaningful relationship. I think it's important for us to set the goals. There's nothing wrong with having a goal of, I'm excited to see you when I'm on a Shabbaton. That's okay. Not every single person needs to become like this blow-up incredible relationship that's going to change their lives. There are some people that they're there to accompany us on their journey. And there are people that we meet on a Shabbaton and we're legitimately excited to see them and that's okay. The second thing is, I'm a little curious whose agenda this is. NCSYer

13:49 Shabbat Nitzotzos Rav Burg talmidim Yushom Rishabas That is borderline abusive. And a person has to be very, very careful. First of all, we're not going to take responsibility for the choices that these NCSYers make. That's their choice to own. We have beliefs and there's nothing wrong with us sharing our beliefs with them. But this notion that exists today of like, I'm going to make someone from, I get very nervous when I hear those words. Those are not healthy words. Somebody shared with me, I don't want to say which organization it is, but the organization has a certain amount of money that goes to each, I guess, Makarev based on his numbers. Like how many people are keeping Shabbos now? How many people are keeping kosher now? So this person came to me to say, what do I think of now everybody,

15:20 Roshan Ascentivized from reaching out to those people I was like that that's a tragic system That is a tragic system that we turned loving a Jew Into observance how in the world did we get there? There has to be some businessman was behind that because there's no Rebbe that I could think of in my life That would have ever thought of something so ridiculous Our job is to love Jews So what does it mean a meaningful relationship a meaningful relationship means remember you're not their friends They have friends. You're their NCSY advisor. A meaningful relationship is that they know when they see you that you are an opportunity to speak to, to share with. And when they do, by the way, just be quiet, right? Just allow them to do that. You don't have to tell them the answers because they're not asking you. I know it sounds like overtly they're asking you questions. They're not. They just want to talk.

16:32 That's the space. That's our job to create the space and some will use it and some will not and that's okay it doesn't have to be that you're offering chavreuses to every single girl that you have and then I get these phone calls like Rebbe I don't know what to do because I have my regular starmen I have my college and I'm dating and I and I and I and also have seven chavreuses And I'm waking up at 430 in the morning. It's It's okay. There's our banishah It's gonna be fine. There's a plan for every one of us You do what's your best to put yourself out there and to say, hey Nanny, that's it. That's our job. I think that's okay. Beautiful answer to a few questions. One other question that came up in a few forms, so I'll try my best if the person is here and they want to clarify they even could, and then we'll open it up to whoever wants to ask a question.

17:21 We wanted to ask how one goes about engaging in this type of work in a sinewa way. And specifically the question was in this work there's obviously a lot of opportunity and situations where one is working in a poet environment, both with the teens and with peers. Laba Turebi said that if you look carefully, Dina is called the Yatsanit, right? She went out. It appears at first glance that that's a bad thing. That's why that terrible Mysa happened with her in Shabbat. If you look carefully at Rashi, Rashi says, from here we see the phrase like mother like daughter. Because Leah was also a Yatsanit. If you go back and you look at that whole Mysa with Leah where she left, where she went out so to speak,

18:49 Rashi there praises Leah for going out. So it must be that Dina's going out was not a bad thing. And there ever speaks about being internal versus being indoors. Baruch Hashem we're sitting with a...how many women are here? A tremendous group. Baruch Hashem. We're sitting with a tremendous group of women that are yatsani in a very beautiful, healthy and appropriate way. Rav Noach Weinberg Seikirzadikov Rachah was the founding Rashiwa Veshatoru. Rav Noach was running summer programs for these college aged kids. Rav Noach detected that when they said it, they said it was like a hint of Gaihva. It's like a thing of Gaihva.

20:22 And then a tiny little bit of arrogance. And Rav Nach got very upset. It's one thing he said to come and say, our Rosh Yeshiva said we can't do it. But to come with Giva, I mean, Yashivamon, I can't do it? He said if it was your sister on a train to Auschwitz, and you couldn't save her for halachic reasons, You'd be coming and crying, I wish I could save her. So that's the way you guys should have come back to me. You should have come back to me and said, I wish, I wish I could save her, but I can't for halachic reasons. You are people who have said, I'm going to negotiate the challenges that come up with being an NCSY advisor. Let's start with the easy one, which is not so easy. Not only because we're role models and obviously it's our job to be appropriate, but also because a person has to have healthy and normal boundaries with their NCSY'ers.

21:33 I cannot encourage you enough to really be very careful when it comes to skirting the balance of being somebody who's open and present and safe and warm and caring and a space for NCSY Tarlatitsh. We live in a world where there is a Taruvis of men and women. It's not like it was many, many, many years ago. I'm not naïve. The most well-intentioned young women who say, I'm absolutely going to only focus on my job are very often the ones that call me and go, buh-buh, but there's this guy, and he's great. And it's like, we're human beings

22:59 And we're in, and if you're single and you're in NCSY and you happen to notice, I just want you to know that you're normal and that's an, and pretending that you don't notice is not, is not necessarily true. It's not a, it's not a good idea. I mean, if you noticed, you noticed. And so very recently someone came to me and said, so we'd been noticing each other for a couple of years without noticing each other, but now I think we're ready to notice each other officially. So I said, okay. L'chaim, you know, like in anything in life, you want to be professional. If you're going to work in an office, and there's going to be men in that office, you should be appropriate, you should be boundaried, you should be professional. It doesn't mean that you can't be friendly, it doesn't mean that you can't be nice.

23:53 But Chazal say, ein Apachapos La'rais, we have to be very careful when it comes to these things. And lo, Alaynu, there are stories, and a person has to be very, very careful in these areas. Tachas, Tachas. So I would encourage you that when it comes to your peer NCSY male advisors, you're there for a tachas, you're there for a reason. You're there to hopefully create an impact, to create a space where growth could occur, and if you keep your eye on the prize, then this person who's sitting next to you is a partner in that project. That's what

24:59 NCSY Staff Chizuk Shabbat Does anyone want to raise their hand and ask a question? Do you have any tips on how to focus on the religious kids? Can I ask you a question? Is it hard to work with the religious kids?

26:27 I was just thinking about what kind of things I could be doing here. It's just like hanging out. My experience in the summer, because I work for NCSY. So in the summer, I'm on NCSY coal at nights, but then I get to spend Shabbos with TJJ and speak to the various kids that are coming from public school. And I'll tell you the difference between the Yeshiva Day School kids and the public school kids. At the end of a shiur in NCSY Kolaal or any of the Yeshiva programs, the kids go, Great Sheer Rabbi. And the public school kids go, Thank you so much. And the difference is that the Yeshiva Day School kids are evaluating you, and they're letting you know you did okay. The public school kids are grateful. And so the contrast for me in the summer, every summer when the NCSYers leave, I always think to myself, like, why am I working in Yeshiva?

27:36 I should just be working with public school kids. Not because I need their gratitude, but because it's just so nice. The emiss is that NCSY can be an amazing opportunity for kids who are in Yeshiva Day School Chazal Shalom NCSY Staff Chizuk Shabbat Teshuva I don't always get the same attention. I remember that Rabbi Nathan told me a story once that he was talking to a high school principal who was complaining that he couldn't get this group of kids to daven. And Rabbi Nathan was astounded because whenever they came on NCSY Shabbaton, they were davening.

29:10 And he said the difference was that one was like a school davening and like show up and mumble the words and do it. And the other was an environment where the kids wanted to be there and it was an environment that was encouraging growth and it was an environment that was encouraging singing. Chajan singing and there was something very beautiful about the public school kid linked arms with the Yeshiv Day school kid and frankly they both needed very similar types of chanaq. So maybe a paradigm shift here would help. Just remember that. I know you think, I know his parents, they're a good fruit family, I know and they're wonderful. But also that kid needs a lot of attention too. Otherwise they wouldn't come on an NCSY Shabbaton. If they're coming on an NCSY Shabbaton, they're asking. Without making it to like you were pushing something

30:43 I think it is appropriate and OK for you to have agendas for your NCSY's as long as you are transparent about them. There is nothing wrong with saying I am in this case, a representative of Hashem, a Moshe Leach of Hashem, where I'm here to give you your Yerushah, your inheritance and this is Torah. There's nothing wrong with saying that, nothing wrong with coming and saying this is what we are about. And there's nothing wrong with sharing with your NCSYers that you went to seminary and that you had an amazing experience in seminary and that you You might use words though. I would be careful with these words You might use words like life-changing and you don't even know what you'd be missing out on and it's okay for you to be passionate about it because that is a way that we give over how much we love something and there's nothing wrong with that and You're not going to take responsibility for what happens When it doesn't go as you planned

32:07 Mevaseret shabbaton Rav Burg talmidim Mevaseret shabbaton Rav Burg talmidim Mevaseret shabbaton He was steighing beautifully and he was in the Bais Medrash Yomom Valayla and he was davening and it was like a beautiful thing to see. And he came to the Rashi'evan myself about halfway through the year and he said, I'm thinking about leaving this college and going to Wayu. Rebbe, you don't understand what this is going to do to my mother. I don't want to say anything. I don't know what's going to be, but on the other hand, it's not like he's going to like pen where there's a Rizabbei Smedjuch where there's something going on. His mamish going to a mid-bar. So Roshchivei Yastravash Ravais, shlita. And Ravashar said, you have every right to tell this young man the choice that he's making, this is the impact on his Jewish life. But you can't tell him what to do because you're not going to take responsibility for the relationship with him and his mother.

33:18 So we sat down for many hours, many, many hours, and I said to him, you need to know that you have permission to make the choice that you feel you need to make. And in the end, he chose not to go to Wai'u, and he asked Bar Hesham a wonderful relationship with his mother. And he didn't learn nearly as much as much. Had he gone to Wai'u, he would have learned much more. You know what? He's fine. He's good. And he owned that choice, and I respect him for it. I think probably most of you grew up in the Orthodox community, so I just want to share with you as somebody who has two balichuba parents, it's not always obvious that parents are going to be supportive of their kids' journeys. And so when a kid comes home and says, like, I want to go to Israel for the year, you have to know what that might sound like to a parent who didn't grow up in our community.

34:14 First of all, they might think they're sending their kid to a war zone, especially if they watch CNN. Do you remember when you were in seminary and you got those phone calls from your mother like, oh my God, what's going on over there? And you're like, nothing? Remember that? But these parents don't know that. And you're not going to take responsibility if Chazvashol something does go wrong. So that has to be something that the family owns together. So you can be supportive, you can advance the idea, you could share the facts, you could say this is what it's like, these are the opportunities. But no matter what, I'm going I am going to be with you on whatever decision you make and I am going to support you on whatever decision you make. And to put an undue amount of pressure on a 17 year old. Seventeen is very little. You know, if you are like 20 or 21 so 17 doesn't seem so little right?

35:03 I am in my 40's now 17 is a child 17 is barely out of diapers. You have the capacity if you are not careful you could be manipulating these kids make sure you are not doing that. So it's advancing the idea, talk about your experience, share the opportunity. Another piece that I think is just so critical is don't tell your NCSYers where to go to seminary. Just because you had one experience doesn't mean that they'll have the same experience. And also just because you heard a certain thing about a seminary doesn't mean that you know that seminary. It's like working in Yeshiva I I can tell you that the, you know how like every seminary in Yeshiva has the one line that you say about them? Oh, this Yeshiva is like Great Ball, this Yeshiva is Great Campus, this Yeshiva is this location, right? This Yeshiva is this, when you work in a Yeshiva, then you know that the complexity of the system is much greater than the one line that the community throws out about the Yeshiva.

36:11 And the same thing is true with the seminaries, there's systems involved. And there are missions that NCSY sends every year for people in positions of influence to come and check out the Yeshivasan seminaries and meet with the heads of the Yeshivasan seminaries so that they can know how best to be madrech those NCSYers that will go. And it's not obvious that just because one girl went and she... this is the way... it's a very sophisticated system we have. Oh, well this girl went there and she did well, so now you should go there too. That's not okay. That's not a sophisticated way of being madra somebody. So you might have a chush. It's okay. But I would encourage you also to check with those people that really know the yeshivas and seminaries from the inside, not just as Talmidot, but who really understand what's going on before you give any suggestions. Be very careful. Your words have a lot of power.

37:06 Yeah, sustainable is a big word. Sustainable growth for everybody, for me, for you, for everybody in this room. It's not obvious, it's not simple. I think again, let's manage expectations. There's a difference between inspiration and excitement. People say inspiration never lasts, it's not true. Inspiration lasts as a lifetime. What doesn't last is excitement. And what our Shabbatonem are designed to do is create excitement. And that means that by definition it's going to fade. And that's okay. Because we know that the excitement creates a Rishima, creates an impact. And so they'll always remember that Shabbaton, they'll always remember that Havdallah, they'll always remember that tefillah or that conversation. That Rishima will stay with them, though that will not be sustainable growth. The only way to create true inspiration is through ideas.

38:28 NCSY is a very important and important resource for the students. At the end of the day, a person needs to know that what they're doing is real and it's valuable and it's infinite and it's important. Ultimately, the balance of NCSY is living at the intersection of education and experience. That's a really hard thing to do. The schools lean into the education of it. NCSY leads into the experience of it. So what we can do to create some measure of sustainable growth is we could say, great, you had an awesome Shabbaton, now let's learn something. Let's actually engage in something that's going to like, I hesitate to use the word change, but at the very least impact the way you see the world. Because once you see the world a little bit differently, so then you can't unsee it. I remember the first time that I heard that Hashem doesn't exist, and up until then in my entire life, I have to prove that Hashem exists So I was trying to figure out all the proofs, trees, and t said,alanjong, all the theorem books, doing the whole vice Then swapand one Rebbe erase that SheHah, and He says, Hashem doesn't exist

39:42 Chazal Yisrael messara If you are into the context of life, you can't measure the world. They are the only thing you could find with a soul. When they learn that, they say, wow, that changed the world. We can live with that intersection. You can't just have the learning because we see that that fails. But you can't just have the experience either. That would be, I think, at least one step toward creating sustainable growth. I would say to you is play the long game. This is not about getting your NCSYers to make one decision. It's not what it's about. It's about allowing them to go through a process where it's okay for them to be down. And everybody in this room, I imagine, or maybe I'm the only one, but I imagine everybody in this room has gone through downs in their Judaism.

41:56 Mevaseret Chazam Tov N nextos You speak a lot in general about the power of intuition learning to trust your intuition. How do you know when to not trust your intuition? This doesn't have to be a short question, I take it back. I just want to be clear what I mean when I say because you're quoting from something else. So just the context probably matters. I'm sorry. The context probably matters. I'm sorry. Many things we do in our life, we do intuitively. And until we do them intuitively, they're, it's not always natural. It's like, do you remember when you first started learning to drive? I remember when I was 16 years old and I got my license, and it was the first time that I had driven home without thinking about it. And I arrived in the driveway and I was like, oh wow, I wasn't constantly like...

43:26 I'm not doing that move. You learn, we drive intuitively. We date, hopefully with a strong sense of intuition. Just because something makes sense on paper doesn't mean that's the person you marry. There has to be an intuition that this feels right. And I think the point that you're highlighting is that we are human beings, we all have egos, and we all have biases, and it's okay that we have biases. We're not expected to be perfect. But we have to check our biases because our biases can impact our intuition. And so bringing it back, let's say, to NCSY, well actually before we go there, you know, A therapist in an office is being paid to be a blank slate and to not have bias. But that's not possible because they're a human being. So great therapists are in some form of therapy themselves to constantly be checking what's coming up for them as they're sitting with their client because that transference that occurs in the meeting is very real.

44:40 For those of you that shook your head, I just want you to know, Haslacha Raba and Wertzweiler or whatever program you're in, but you all just betrayed yourself. For those of you that didn't, Haslacha being a speech therapist. It's okay to have bias, but if you're speaking to an NCSYer, you have to know that bias. So stuff comes up for us, and I hear, and it's not anybody's fault, it's just because

46:25 What is the essence behind the decision making and their intuition without closing them down to the point where you are not I'll tell you just from your question alone, I'm confident you're going to do a great job. No, I'll tell you why. Because the fact that you know that, the fact that you know that language can shut a person down, and that you have to be careful so that they can have that space that already tells me that you're somebody who, when you approach your NCSY, your goal is to create space for them. That's amazing. I would tell you, stay out of advice, stay open, stay curious, and ask questions because you authentically don't know them.

48:08 NCSY staff chizuk shabbat teshuv tabbu tabbu tabbu tabbu tabbu tabbu tabbu tabbu tabbu tabbu tabbu tabbu Do you accept me as I truly am? If the answer to that is yes, and hopefully it is because like we started off saying from the Chidushah Arim, that notion of seeing you for your most positive aspects, not defining you by your lowest parts, not having an agenda for what you should become, that creates a space where someone could go, I could tell you anything because I know that it will be okay. And how many of us live in the dark? I'm not talking about our NCSYers now. How many of us are unwilling to tell even our closest people in our lives who we really are and the things that we struggle with. And the reason that we don't is because of our own inner critic. We don't even belong to ourselves.

49:15 How could we belong to somebody else? And I will tell you one thing. These kids today, it is their superpower. They crave belonging and they are more vulnerable and courageous than any generation I've seen in a very long time. These kids are incredible. All you have to do, by the way, is just like, you don't even have to ask. you just have to sit and listen and they will tell you anything. Really it's incredible. In the 90's at 16 years old if he would have asked me about my problems you mean I'm perfect. I never in a million years would have told any of my NCSY advisors the things that these kids will tell. And that is incredible. It means that Baruch Hashem we're being matz Brothers. So yeah the language that you want to be really focused on is like just asking questions about what they want.

50:03 And if they say they don't know, don't say, well, I think you should do this. It's okay for them not to know. They have to build the muscles within themselves to learn how to make decisions. If you say, do this, you're cutting off their legs, don't do that. Let them have their space to learn how to fall, to learn how to not succeed. And then they'll figure out what to do. No, it's okay. Yeah, so I think that's where intuition comes in. I think they already have them. Right. Right? Again, there's a difference between information deficit and which like if somebody comes to me and they say like Rebbe how do I take the bus from from Yeshiva to the Tachana Americas? I'm not gonna look at them and go that's such an interesting question. How do you take the bus? Right? No literally like which bus do I get on? Which bus do you get on?

51:00 That's not helpful. The answer to that question is the 154, 155 is down the block. It comes every 15 minutes. Move it on your phone. That's a helpful answer. But, if Anensyas Yer comes and says something like, and I got this this summer, I'm struggling because my parents are divorced. My mother, who was more tolerant of my being observant, moved away. I'm living with my dad now. He will literally not allow me to keep Shabbos. What do I do? I do not know the answer to that question, and neither do you. I know that Hashem wants her to keep Shabbos. She is a child that has a lot of relationships with her dad. She's got to figure out what to do. She asks curious questions. So, how is your relationship with your dad? She said, actually, it's awesome. Which I wasn't expecting because my hypothesis was that she was really frustrated with her dad. And she's really not. She understands where he's coming from.

52:06 She's like, but it's really important to me. So I said, so what do you do in situations like this? What have you done in the past? What's worked for you? Nobody was too hungry, so everyone please do feel free to join for some sushi in the back and really thank you again so much for the time and hopefully if you can linger around for a few minutes maybe anyone who has an additional follow up question could come and have the opportunity to ask. Oh and please take swag. It didn't happen if we don't get a shirt so please do.