There Is Nothing More Whole Than A Broken Heart - Part 3

2:46 What does Hashem desire? A dwelling place in this world. So what's the job of the soul? Not to return to Shamayim. The job of the soul is to create something that was never created before. The same way that Adam and Chava were split And the goal is not to return to the state that they had beforehand. It's to create something completely new. The soul, when it comes down into this world, needs to do something new that was never done before. What's new that was never done before? Our world appears to be a non-godly place. The job of the soul is to make Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so to speak, comfortable in our world. Questions, comments, reactions. Eitan. You wanted to join the I'm very sorry. Please, you don't have to apologize for joining a shiur. Eitan. You said in a previous shiur in the first semester.

3:50 A very difficult concept that you actually drew a circle on the board now. You said that a person or a soul Or something Something may have to, or somebody may have to venture far in order to find him. The soul must leave Hakadosh Baruch Hu in order to find Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Because the soul is not finding Hakadosh Baruch Hu as long as it's in Shamayim. It has no identity. There's no seeking. You compare that to a person who maybe is addicted to drugs. Let's say The only way he's gonna have the revelation to say, "I need to fix myself," is if he hits rock bottom. Correct. So the soul's finding Hakadosh Baruch Hu in this world is more impressive than the Very thin relationship that the soul has as long as it's in Shamayim. If the soul is in Shamayim, it doesn't feel like it has its own identity. There's no seeking, therefore, there's no intimacy. So the relationship that the soul has with Hashem prior to its birth is very flimsy.

5:02 Masha'ei kain after the soul is born, distant from Hakadosh Baruch Hu, the opportunity for oneness is actualized And so there's a more impressive. Relationship, a more authentic relationship that occurs down here in this world, when the soul is able to create a dwelling place for Hakadosh Baruch Hu down here. And the way I was thinking about it with Adam and Chava is They were one, they were separated, and that was the only way to create their unity because they had to be separated. Correct. It has to be if you want to have intimacy achieved. There has to be the initial oneness. Then the separation, and then the true oneness is built upon the initial oneness that existed. So before the soul is born into this world The soul is one with Hashem. Which is what gives the capacity for the soul to truly become one with Hashem.

6:01 But in the interim, there must be a distance. And in that distance is where we go to build the relationship. Alicia. I would just plan a marriage. Because you know. So the Zayra Kadosh says that before a person gets married The soul is one. And then the soul splits in order to have that initial oneness, and then they could find each other. Yes. We have a relationship with ourselves, especially like two sides of the same coin. Like a good side, bad side. It's hard to tell around with it. Could you clarify what it means when you say have a relationship with yourself? What do you mean by that? I don't want to use terms that I don't really understand, but it's hard to tell different nefashos. Do those two parts of us have a relationship with each other? For sure As we're going to see in a moment.

7:04 For sure, they have a relationship with each other. Is there an ikker? Us and then there's the other part of it or they're both of us. There is an ichor us, and that ichor us has, but it must work symbiotically with the rest of us, which we're gonna discuss today. Steve. Is the soul when it goes back up? Why does it not go back to the original state of being not able to identify? You mean after death? After death, that's just a way station. That's not the destination. That's called Olam HaNeshamos. After the soul returns It has a certain pleasure by virtue of the fact that it's in a comfortable place for a soul. It's in a spiritual world. But the soul, in a certain way, is frustrated in the Olam HaNeshamos because it's not doing what it was designed to do. So the ultimate destination is not up in Shamayim. The ultimate destination is down here in this world after Tzias Amesim.

8:09 Olam Haba is this world as it will one day be And the soul's ultimate reward, so to speak, is not the pleasure of Olam Anishamos. It's the relationship that's achieved down here in Olam Haba. Garsley Is the soul separate or one within God? Because if it's separate. To the degree that anything is separate and one within God But I'm saying if it's actually not separate, then why would it need to be intimate with us? But you could say the same thing about anything. You could say if the world is actually not separate, what does it mean for Hashem to have a dwelling place in the world down below? But the soul is specifically supposed to be a part of God. Because you said it has no identity, that's why. It has no identity initially. Personal, like of its own identity, because it's part of God.

9:00 But initially But I'm saying then it's just God. It's like a ray of the sun while it's still in the sun. The ray of the sun is not discernible when it's still in the sun. It's only after you have a distance that you can discern that there's a ray emanating from the sun. Why is the soul different than anything? Because you said the soul needs to separate. Everything needs to separate. But that, a human was never a part of God. Like the human soul was, but not the body. Why not? If Hashem is one And truly one Then what is the notion of otherness? That's what I'm saying. That's a bigger question of at what point something gets its identity and does it truly ever have an identity? It's like no But it's more sophisticated than that. Because there's something called atzmos. In the essence of Hashem, there really is nothing other than Him.

10:05 It's Hakadosh Baruch Hu created something called our Ein Sof, and within the world of what we perceive to be the infinite, there's room for Yeshus, but it's too complicated to get into right now. Truly, in its deepest essence, there is nothing other than Hashem. It's just that Hakadosh Baruch Hu created the capacity for us to feel truly real. It's not fundamentally any different than anything else. It's a good question, but we could probably spend a month just on that. So it's too much for right now. We said that final distinction is Mason. And what is that point? Olam Haba is the destination, not the waiting place. So you said I step back here. Olam Hadashamos is the waiting place. That's correct. After you die, your body returns to the earth. Your soul is real, so there's no reason for your soul to have any diminution of it. It's what it is. It's a soul. It doesn't have the capacity to be less real because it's true. It's forever.

11:19 One plus one will always equal two. Tchias hamason is part of a process of olam haba. After tchias hamason, when the soul returns down into this world, that is the ultimate destination. That's the ultimate place of its reward. When you reach that destination Do you become omnipotent? It's more complicated than that. Because to say that you're omnipotent would be to say that you are. To say that you are God, and I don't think that's right. So this gets into the issue that Gerslie was bringing up, but at least we can say as follows for now. The purpose of the world, which is achieved in Olam HaBa, is Dirah Betachtonin, a dwelling place in the world down below. Which paradoxically, this is what we spoke about last week, two weeks ago now Paradoxically, it means that it has to be Alyonim and Tachtonim at once. So if you lose yourself, if there's no more identity in Olam Habah, then it's not Tachtonim.

12:28 So paradoxically, we have no idea how this works. When the Gemara says no human being could conceive of this because it's beyond human comprehension how something could be completely spiritual and totally seen and completely physical at once. So what we know about Olam Habah is that you will not be God. But of course, the awareness that all is God will be completely present. And I couldn't possibly explain anything more than that. Both of those things need to be true. Would that not be an elioanovin situation of anyone who was not nifter But right Simply transformed through their neshama, becoming pure. Their body. This world is very much. We're led by our body, and we try and work on our strengths. He also turned that around and made his body part of this. A little bit more complicated than that, the notion of misas neshika that the aruchai makados speaks about That there's not so much a process of death But the nature of the soul has been so actualized that even the body itself has become.

13:48 So spiritualized that the world of death is no longer shyach to it But even that we have no idea what that means. In other words, you're let's say you're right that all of humanity would experience physicality on that level, but Eliyahu Naavi remains Eliyahu Naavi. That's right? But we wouldn't say Eliyahu Naavi is omnipotent. But then it's about answering a few questions of keeping an identity yet being. A hundred percent pure and a hundred percent possibly As in Eliyahu Anavi, as he said, is Eliyahu Anavi. Yet is But not really. Now he's not really. In other words, Eliyahu Anavi is anybody. But even within Eliyahu Anavi, I think Gersley's question is even more primary than that. Given the nature of God being infinite, how is there a notion of otherness? Which we call. So that's a machlokus between the. It was before the Hasidim and the Misanagdim. There was a machlokus in the Baly Kabbalah about Symsum Yeshah, Symsum Ain, and when Hakadosh Baruch Hu created the world, what does Baracious Bara really mean? Did God indeed create something that was actually other than Him?

15:00 So that's why I said it's too far afield for this. But once you believe in the notion of creation, either post Symsum or pre Symsum, whatever you mean by that, you have this question. Why do we start off as one, then split, and then become one again? Why don't we just come to this word where we split? I think I said this last time, but it bears repeating because it's a good question. It's like when you're making a puzzle What allows the two puzzle pieces to come together is the fact that they used to be one. So when you have a puzzle, what you have is a picture. Then you cut out the particular pieces, and because originally it was one, now it has the capacity to become one again. The initial oneness is a critical part of the stage. Right? It's a critical stage in the building because I can't get to stage three if I never had stage one. I can't tell. I can't. Two things. This is what really comes out from it. Two things can only ever become close, not one.

16:04 In the physical world, two things can only become close, not one. I can grab this stender as hard as I want, but at the end of the day, the stender is a stender, and I'm me, and I could be exceptionally close to it, but that's all. For there to be intimacy, oneness, the harmonizing, the synthesizing, the merging of two completely distinct things, it must be that there was a oneness beforehand that allowed for that intimacy to occur. Why do we separate here and not like before we're born? That birth is the process of separation. Because that's why the missioner says that the soul is born against its will Because when the soul comes down to this world, it's like, why in the world would I ever want to be here? I was very comfortable before I got here. I'm not sure if this is partly what Christy was asking, but if indeed that separation is incommensurate. If that separation is part of two things physical, they can always come close and become one. How come the separation cur from going from one, from oneness to separation. How is that separation ever?

17:08 Why is it that after they separate, they're able to come together? Should they, once they're separate, never become Can never become one again? No. That's the point. Because there was an initial oneness. Even in the process of separation, the capacity for true oneness now exists. By Tchias Amisim, is there still that stage? Is there a shama still pause saying Dearbata, Dearbatachdonim? After the soul dies Is this what you're asking? I want to make sure I get it. After the soul dies in Olam Anishamos, does the soul still care about Tchias Amisim? Does the soul still care about Dearbatachdonim? Is that your question? No. Ask it again. Make sure, because maybe I missed it. Is there still a stage of the other half? Since everything is so clear, the whole world becomes. That's what Chazal say that that's at least a thousand year process. There's a thousand years of the world transitioning from what it currently is to what it will one day be. The process of revelation takes time. After that thousand years, you've arrived. That's dear b'tachtona.

18:26 There's no, there's no, there's no creation of dear b'tachtona. You able to remind me what the phrase was that we were working off of? The initial phrase. There's nothing as whole as a broken heart. But I hope you're starting to intuit what the Kutzker Rebbe meant when he said that. Because what is brokenness really? Brokenness is that separation that we've been speaking about. And as I used to be one, and now there's a brokenness, and there's a wholeness, and this is the paradox: there's a wholeness that's embedded within that brokenness, which is what I want to discuss today. Or Or maybe, maybe even without recognizing it. We'll see. How does the union of two souls in this world manifest itself spiritually? Because we, a person can go through life and never get married. But that doesn't necessarily affect them later on. Does it? What do you mean by later? Post mortem.

19:37 For sure it does. If they don't meet their soulmate, how does that affect all the trauma? You're asking such an important question, and even though it's probably going to derail us I'm going to at least attempt to give a three-minute answer, because it's such an important question. But if I see that it starts to become the entirety of this year, we'll have to hit pause. In the secular world today. They don't understand this concept, which is why the notion of marriage is not in vogue anymore. Why do I need to get married? I can live with someone till I don't want to, till I do want to. What do I need to get married for? Part of the I'm gonna take it even a step further. I would say the most important part. Most important One of the most important, if not the most important part Of the actualization of the soul To build their betachtonim occurs in the realm of marriage.

20:59 If a soul does not meet its mate in this world and it doesn't experience spiritual intimacy Something has gone wrong. The soul has not been actualized to the extent that it ought to have been. And that's something that's not just we're living together in an apartment The entire process of marriage is really a harchinai process. It's literally like We go under a chuppah, exactly like it was by harchinai. There's a notion of circles. There's a notion of intimacy that's there. The ring, walking around seven times. There's something being created in marriage that's more than just living together and sharing our finances. And so, yes, I think it would impact the soul very much. A soul that's failed to achieve that in its life, for sure. That's why marriage is such an important part of Judaism. Does that make sense? So what happens to someone who doesn't get married? He just goes up as half.

22:08 First of all, I think it's okay for us to say that that's a tragedy. Person doesn't find someone in their life to share themselves with. On a psychological level, for sure. On a personal growth level, there's nothing that will mature you. There's nothing that will humble you like marriage. Think even just on a simple level. You want something. Your wife wants something else, right? So already you're in the world of humility versus ego, right? And fundamentally, those are where we stand, right? At the crossroads of my own arrogance, my own yeshus, my own presence of being. I want to do what I want to do, and she wants me to do something completely different. Who comes first? Right? How do we if we're not confronted with the tension of marriage? Even without spirituality, you're going to be a deficient person. There's nothing that humbles a person like marriage.

23:12 It's so. You guys are not married yet, so you don't necessarily understand this. But married people in the room will tell you how hard it is to pull out of a fight with your wife. It's so hard, guys. My own midos tovos are preventing me from responding, but you've never. I imagine you've never experienced it. I can only speak from my own experience. Other than any other fight What was that? Oh, for sure. First of all, it's super difficult. You live together, right? It could become like you go home. Let's say I was to get into a fight with the rishiva. It doesn't happen, but I go home at night. I'm saying it's not. We're not bound together. I could quit. There's no notion of divorce because you got into a fight. That's it. The binding of marriage is like we're gonna work this through, which means one of us is gonna have to, and probably both of us are gonna have to say, 'Here's where my ego steered me. Here's where my stuff brought me to this moment. That's like.'

24:26 That's like a really hard thing to do. It took him major courage. Nothing will, nothing in your life will shape you like marriage. Eventually, you'll have to compromise, or they'll have to compromise. But in other relationships, you can just not compromise. I'm a big fan of ultimatums. Sounds bad when you first hear it, but then when you unpack it, it's good. Because an ultimatum basically says, "Look, this is what works for me." If it doesn't work for you. It doesn't work for me. And that's it. Let's say I were to come to the yeshiva and I were to say, "Look, I can't work for you" For this amount of money anymore because I just can't feed my family. So it's not a threat. It's just a reality. This is what works for me. And the yeshiva could say, "you're replaceable, and thank you so much for the hard work, but it doesn't work for us on a budgetary level to give you the raise that you need."

25:24 And then I could either choose to live within that reality or to leave. In marriage, there is no such construct. It's like Hey, you need to, like what, like again, as long as the marriage is not immoral or abusive You have to keep at it. You have to keep finding that middle ground. Nothing will shape you as a person like marriage. The responsibility of marriage is also huge. But the marriage itself, the chefsa of marriage, to continue to work to that's what you see. It's always amazing. I see this year in and year out. You see these guys; they're in mivaser They're eighteen, nineteen, twenty years old, and you look at them and you go, How are you going to be married? Like in a couple years from now? You're barely human. Like you're walking protoplasm. I don't mean that in a negative way. I'm saying you like.

26:19 Obviously, I mean it in a negative way, but let's say for example, you hear things from eighteen and nineteen year old young men that you don't hear from adults. I guess I may as well just say this because it's true. You're not sick. You're not. You're fine. You can get up. You can get up in the morning. You're fine. You're not sick. I know that. Because in a couple of years from now, when you have a job And you're sick. You won't be sick. If you have to take off because you're really sick, I get it. But you know how few have vacation days when you're making a chesedan, you have like two weeks of paid vacation a year. Somehow You're not sick. What's the upshot in that? I care. I'm saying because you have a certain level of responsibility. You have a certain level of maturity. And you show up to life. It was a guy in Mavasser that for the life of him could not wake up for shachers, and I kept saying to him, "I'm like" You're gonna wake up in your life. He's like, "I'm not. I never have, and I won't."

27:32 He went to YU. He was a phenomenal baseball player, so he played baseball for YU. YU baseball practice is five a.m. And he made it to practice. So we're very close. I said to him, Jordan. Help me understand how you make it to baseball practice. He goes, "What? Can't miss baseball practice." I was like, "Exactly. That's what the rosh always says. Nobody ever sleeps through their flight." So it's not just the responsibility. It's like marriage itself grows you, and you see these guys three years later, twenty three years old. I have seven weddings in the next two months, seven mivaser weddings in the next two months. You're saying a guy has seven different weddings in two months? No. Seven different people are getting married seven different times in the next two months. I remember these guys just a couple of years ago. I look at them now and go, really, you're going to be married? But then you look at them a couple of years after that.

28:27 It's like they're completely different people. Because marriage itself will functionally change you. Yeah. It's all just spoken about Yoshiko that you should not be a growth product of the relationship that you're in. So how exactly do we see that in relation to this concept of shape? Do you mean like you shouldn't be dating now while you're in yeshiva because then your growth is shaped by the other person? In the same sense. I think the answer to that is timing. Because as you are forming the fundamental foundations of who you are, it's probably important to do that without a voice in your head that's shifting you to a place of inauthenticity. But hopefully, once you've discovered that baseline authenticity, now you're able to share that with another, and then from that place you'll grow tremendously. Then it's healthy. Exactly. It's there's a even healthy. There's a level of independence. When I say independence, I don't mean financial independence, but a level of emotional and spiritual.

29:41 Psychological independence—that's critical for a person to have before they enter into a relationship. You don't necessarily have to be talking about that kind of relationship because a young person's fundamental years of growth are always surrounded by other people. No person is going through it alone. A person can have a best friend. I can have a best friend who Who may be acting in a certain way that's influencing me to act a certain way, whether that's positive or negative, and that's going to shape my growth. It's not necessarily a girlfriend. I don't disagree with you But I think my experience teaches me that at this age For many reasons that are not worth necessarily fighting about right now. My experience is that the nature of male-female relationships is just different. And the capacity to lose yourself for another is greater. In other words, am I really being authentic, or am I doing what she wants me to do? And by the way, I mean that the positive and the negative. She might be influencing you to do something more. Maybe she's influencing you to go to Davin or to go to learn, which is great. But if it's not you, and if you haven't come to that from within yourself in a very honest way.

31:07 I don't know. I'm not saying it's not possible for you to do that for a good friend. But somehow in my experience it hits different. One thing I can point to, which is a very real thing, is the positive peer pressure of Yoshida. A guy could be coming out of high school, really not enjoying learning, really not ever going to diving, really not doing any of those things. Yeshiva, and it's the cool thing to be doing. Do all these things in yeshiva. Learn, dive Everything could shape the person, whether they've come to the realization or not. The you're highlighting one of the dangers of yeshiva By the way, the week we had is one example. The eighty doff. It's one of the dangers of yeshiva. And it's one of the challenges of education in general. How do we How do we challenge people to do something? And create an environment that's conducive to doing that, and at the same time keeping our eye on the ball that the Talmud is actually doing it because it's authentically him.

32:10 It's not a simple thing. That is amazing. Sam. Isn't that the whole problem with incentives Though there's tons of incentives, people aren't doing it if they want to do it. It's an incentive. An incentive is Again, I think you're hitting on an important point. Am I doing it for the incentive, or am I doing it because it's real, because it's me? And sometimes we need the incentive in order to do the thing that's real. And we do that all the time. I imagine if you ran a business and you had a sales team It probably wouldn't be crazy for you to say to the sales team. If you hit this mark, you're all going to get this bonus. So why do you need an incentive? It's your job. Because we're human beings, and sometimes we need incentives to do our jobs. But you're right. If the success of an incentive program is not measured by how well you do while the incentive is going on, it's measured by how well you do when the incentive is over.

33:18 Let's say you are buying an incentive. It's a theoretical opportunity, as a way to gauge yourself as to whether or not you really are doing this for yourself or for the sake of the incentive. But at the same time, this also speaks to a very idealistic level of being the truest version of yourself. And there are definitely people who find value in, at the very least, you are doing your job. Fine, but at the same time, and there are certain yeshivas that kind of are shaped like that in a certain sense. Certain ones definitely come to mind. No names. Poshia But in a certain sense, it's definitely not the idealistic way for coming to Israel. Everyone has their own style. There's something wrong with using incentive to get you to do something. But then later on, it might get you to do it for yourself.

34:20 I think that's wonderful. You're saying you think it's okay to do something new or push yourself for the wrong reason if it eventually leads to you being motivated on your own. I think that's exactly what Chazal mean when they say mitoch shalolishma balishma. If somebody wanted to inspire me to get in the gym, they said, go to the gym for a month. And I'll give you five hundred dollars. So maybe that was the kickstart that I needed in order to get to the gym. Maybe I did it initially for five hundred bucks, but after a month where you're ridiculously ripped and all of a sudden you feel like you're setting new PRs for yourself. And you're feeling really good about it. You continue doing it, hopefully. At some point, though, you have to do it for yourself. You can't always depend. For sure, but I do think that people run the clock out on that a little bit too early.

35:07 In other words, authenticity is a lifetime pursuit. I don't know that at eighteen and nineteen years old, with all the learning I did in mivaser, I was able to say that it was authentic. Honestly, I'm forty-one. I don't know that I'm able to say that it's authentic. But I'm still in that process. So I think we ran out the clock a little too early. You just said that authenticity is a life pursuit. And how should you ever get married if it's gonna not make you authentic? I think there are shades of gray here, right? In other words. Foundational authenticity, I think I've achieved. At eighteen, verse twenty-three What changes so drastically? Hopefully, it's the work that you're doing on yourself right now and in the coming years. Don't go to yeshiva, then you can get married. I didn't say that. Not yeshiva per se, but if these fundamental years are not used for a person to Think about the person they want to be and start to self-actualize.

36:11 And then they told me that they want to be in a relationship with somebody else. That's scary stuff. Also, at what point do you? You said like the whole point is to grow together But at what? Also, like I don't I don't. I didn't say the whole point was to grow together, but you will grow together. But I don't know what the trees and spouses and soulmates are. I don't know if that's actually a thing. It's a thing. How do you know? If the person is like, you said you just have to work it out. So when is it not that case, and when do you have to realize that this person's not for you? You're saying you're married. Let's say you're married. If the relationship is immoral or abusive. That's very abusive, physical, and very easy to see. But I'm saying that's right. If the person is in an emotionally abusive relationship.

37:02 Let's say you realize that the other person hasn't gained that level of authenticity. Then you don't work it out. These are shillers for mental health professionals and people with years and years of experience, and they're not decisions to be made lightly. That's an important question. Again, I couldn't possibly give you some formula to include all of it, but yes, emotional abuse is a very real thing, and on that very much fighting was mentioned. There is going to be fighting. But what you mustn't do is straightaway say that's abuse or that's, and you've got to really see it for what it is and try to work through it, and it can take a day, it can take a month, it can take a year, it can take ten years, it can take a lifetime. But you, I think that's the right thing. You've got to be on the same page, and if you're not on the same page Then there are other things with all sorts of dynamics.

38:03 But you're right. You're making an important point because today we hear Like almost I feel bad saying it, but every time they have a couple that has a fight and they come to me, I'm like they're He was being abusive. I don't know. It sounds like you guys were having a fight. What is that like? Where is that line of what's called abuse? We throw out that word so easily today. And at the same time, we don't use it in its proper context. So it's not. I wouldn't necessarily call that abuse because you feel hurt doesn't mean you were abused. I would say in marriages, but young relationships These are very subtle things. I'm saying like. It's a good question, but I don't know that I could give you the exact definition that you're looking for. I don't know that I have those words. I don't know that I have that language defined.

39:03 So you mentioned about the Go back to the incentive part. You can have two different people doing the exact same thing. Both earning the fifty dollars for it. What is like fifty hours, ten eighty dollars? But if one person is doing it lishma, and the other person is doing it for the incentive, or even worse, because he doesn't want his room or his sheirf to do it. Isn't them to miss out the incentive? They are doing this. What they're doing is the same, but the reason why is completely different. You're saying that is what makes the difference. That, but that's not a bad thing, right? Let's say a guy says, "I'm going to participate in the incentive program because I want my." Even though I'm not so into it, well, let's say my sheir is into it, right? There's a level of responsibility that you are makabel on yourself that helps you, right? And number two, sometimes you have to act your way into good thinking You can't always think your way into good acting. Sometimes you just have to do the right thing, and if you do the right thing enough times in a row Then you realize, that's a good thing. Sometimes our minds are designed that way. It depends on the person. Some people are not like that.

40:10 It can drive you away from things. It can make you burn out. I'm gonna respectfully push back on that one. I would not. I wouldn't do it disrespectfully. I respectfully, but. It's not that what you're saying is wrong. It's just It's a generational thing. I hear it from guys in yeshiva all the time. They live with a fear of burning out. And it's like, but maybe that could maybe like if I do that then I'll get burned out. I'll know that you don't mean it that way. I'm saying let's say I'm just using it as a springboard to address it. Guys, there is such a thing called grit. Life is not easy. There is something about pushing yourself to the limits of what you can do, and then going like, "Good, that's my maximum." It's called manning up in life. Taking responsibility, guys. It's on every level. I mean this on every level. I am going to use a bad muscle, but I am and I am doing it on purpose. What do you think? I am doing it on purpose.

41:19 Life is expensive. It's expensive, right? Showing up to life to be able to support your family. I don't. I remember that when we moved from Faraco to Lawrence, which in the five towns at the time was like a move up in the financial world. I remember noticing that people left their houses earlier in the morning. There was a certain level of tenacity, a certain level of grit, and a focus. Nobody wakes up in the morning if they're going to a business deal and they can make a million dollars. Nobody goes. I'm just afraid I'm going to burn out if I push myself. You don't become this. My father always told me there's two people that leave at five o'clock: the CEO and the people that will never be CEO. It's like once you've made it a CEO, then you could leave at five. But most CEOs don't leave at five. You want to be the president of a company? It requires sacrifice.

42:14 Taking it over to something much more important. In relationships, relationships require perseverance. It's pushing yourself in times when you don't get to go into a relationship like I just have too much on my plate right now. I can't prioritize this. If you don't water the relationship, like anything in life, it will die. We have this sort of cozy world that we create for ourselves. We don't want to push ourselves too hard. Life is hard, learn to challenge yourself and within that learn what your limits are and be respectful of your own personal limits. You can do more than you think you could do. Thinking in a general sense. Actually, that was really strange. I don't think that was saying, but it wasn't really. What was really saying is that sometimes when we do things, not for you said you do something, the right thing for the wrong reasons enough times, that can be positive. But on the other hand, it can forget burnout. It can drive people away. It can cause people to become spiteful to some extent.

43:19 Let's take this out of Judaism for a second. Let's say you have an addict; he's an alcoholic. What he needs to do first before anything? He needs to be sober. We can't have conversations about the twelve steps and the work that you have to do on yourself while you are drinking. There is no muckum for it to take hold. You know what the addict would say if you say, "Look, first you got to get sober." ", but like. I'm afraid I'm going to be resentful of the program if I get sober so fast. You're not realizing that you're acting in a way that's harmful to yourself. We create these constructs where we give ourselves that out already from the beginning that we don't have to challenge ourselves. If I do that, maybe it's going to push me farther away. Let's say I said that to you about eating. For me, being on an appropriate healthy diet is hard.

44:13 I don't want to start eating healthy because I'm afraid it'll really just make me eat worse. What would you say if I told you that? You're probably lying to yourself, Rebbe. Have a salad. I wouldn't say that it's true, but there are elements. A little bit. The amazing part about rationalizations is the lies that we're willing to tell ourselves in order to. I hear what you're saying. I'm just saying we put these things in place. We give ourselves these exits so that as we're going along the way, it's like I can just give up. But that's right. That's not. It's again, you're setting up the formula in an interesting way. If a person is eating unhealthy, the antidote is to eat healthy, not to eat less. But also if it's stepped, means someone should not overreach their steps. Is there a step that I want? I have one question for you.

45:16 You're gonna be. What are you planning on doing with your life to support yourself financially? I don't know. Let's say you went into business. I think it would be reasonable for you to say there's steps in my business that I need in order to build this business. But you know what I don't hear people say. I'm not ready for that yet. I need to go slowly. If you've got to put a hundred thousand dollars on the table. You're going to get creative to get that hundred thousand dollars. Certain things you're again. I agree with you fundamentally. I just don't hear people speak that way when it comes to finances. I hear people speaking in an ambitious way. Why shouldn't we be as ambitious in our Judaism? Much more people lose to become like these people and become financially unsafe. I'll tell you what I'll put my financially unstable people against your financially unstable people, and we'll see who which type of rhetoric is driving which. I imagine maybe I've never done the scientific study, but I imagine less successful people have a rhetoric of I'm not ready for that. Let's see, it has to be comfortable for me. Successful people in general, my experience Their level of ambition and the rhetoric that it reflects is at a higher level.

46:32 You're going to make the same point again, and I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm not disagreeing with you, but I think what we're saying is important. I'm not denying the value of consistency or of doing things in steps. But ask yourself in an honest moment: Are you just saying that because it's more comfortable? Or right? Sometimes consistency is more important than ambition. Don't disagree with me. I don't disagree with you, but that's not the point we're making. The point we're making is: Are you really ambitious about this, or are you just using that as your app? Let's say you're ambitious about it, but you use that ambition to And stay with the question. Are you really ambitious, or are you using it as an app? That's different. That's the point we're making, right? I'm afraid that if I do it this way, I'm going to burn out. I'm afraid that it's going to end up backfiring. It's not going to backfire. What was that? I said I wasn't talking. Chas v'Shalom. I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the concept. I understand. Rebbe. So we'll stop here for today.