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Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is actually two questions from two different questioners, but the questions are very similar, so we decided to put them together. The first question is, I continue to struggle with defining my hashgafa, and often find that this issue is more prevalent in women, as it may come down to the fact that I don't have a rav who I turn to in a sheer setting. How does Zerubberg think this can be achieved for someone who strongly feels they are in need of that clarity that a somewhat more defined path could provide? The second question is, I think it is easier for boys to know how they identify hashgafically. They have shiurim or rebeim that they may identify with or follow, while girls don't necessarily have something like morning shiur or night seder shiur, etc. Since boys essentially have these different types of learning groups, topics of chassidus or more litvish, etc., I think it is easier for them to know where they are holding. For me, I find it extremely difficult to know what type of guy I need, or to tell a sharchen, because I never really labeled myself as anything. I'm a frumyid. What else do I say? Well, I think you're highlighting a very important issue that exists in Klal Yisrael today.
And that is, even though we have made amazing strides when it comes to female education, and Baruch Hashem, our elementary schools, our middle schools, our high schools are flourishing, the seminaries, Baruch Hashem, are flourishing and doing an amazing job. A lot of girls, a lot of girls, over the last couple of years have told me that they feel that once they get back to America, the system just does not have enough for them. And it's so heartbreaking, because this is such a fundamental time in a woman's life. As she's in Shaduchim, and as she's growing and taking those next steps after seminary, it's so critical to have Rebbeim and teachers that we can turn to. And unfortunately, even though Baruch Hashem, the system is doing well, we have not yet fixed that last piece for women, and I definitely hear the pain. Interestingly, from a historical perspective, this is exactly how the Bais Yaakov movement was born. Until World War I, a girl stayed home, and she learned from her mother. My grandmother, Aleha Shalom, who was not an observant Jew, when I was learning Smicha, and I told her that I was learning Hilchos Malicha, the Halachos of Salting,
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she was able to tell me every single detail of the Halachos of Salting. I asked her, Grandma, where did you learn this from? She said, what do you mean? I learned it from watching my mother. And that's the way it always was. After World War I, Sarah Schneer came up with the revolution of having female education because the families were broken and there was really no way of continuing that type of education. And we've come so far since then, but unfortunately this last piece is really, really not okay. What can I tell you in terms of guidance? Remember that having a Rebbe, while important, a Seyla Harav is such an important thing, at the end of the day, it doesn't replace your own thinking. You have to think for yourself what type of life you want. We're all struggling with how do we engage modernity? How do we engage the outside world? And we're doing our best to figure out where we are on that spectrum. Some people want to embrace, some people want to negotiate, some people want to engage, but carefully. Everybody has their own way of dealing with these things. At the end of the day, it's important to have Rebbeim to bounce these ideas off of. It's important to listen to Shiurim and to think about what your Rebbeim and your teachers have taught you.
But ultimately, it is your responsibility to make the decision of where you do identify hashgafically. Now, I want to be clear. I don't mean putting a label on yourself. Everyone has to do what feels comfortable for them. And the truth of the matter is that I happen to believe that these labels are preventing Moshiach from coming. And yet, I also think it's important that when you're dating, it's important to be clear as to what type of home you want to build. And that means what type of community do you want to raise your family in? What type of schools do you want to send your children to? These are important things to clarify before you start dating and during the dating process so that you can raise a family that's natural and normal for you and your husband. Now, even though the system is not what it is, Baruch Hashem, we have so many individual Rebbeim and teachers that are waiting for people like you. to call them up and to ask them these clarifying questions. It is your responsibility, I say to Haraf, and even though the system is not where it should be, that's still our responsibility. So what can I share with you?
If your heart moves you in a more Hasidic direction, if your heart moves you in a more Litvish direction, that's not really the biggest issue. The truth of the matter is that when my wife and I got married, I was a staunch Litvak. Some might have even called me a Misnager. And today, I have a very different outlook on the world. So there is going to be some flexibility in terms of the way that you see the world, and it will change as you continue to grow older and, frankly, as you grow as a couple. In the meantime, it's important to clarify these issues so that you can understand for yourself where you're holding in your life. and what direction you're going in. Always, always think. Always ask someone to challenge you in your thinking and ultimately bounce these ideas off of everybody.
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