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The pasuk in this week's parsha says, "Va'yikhu bnei Aaron, nadav ve'avivu" Ish makhtaso. This is Shmini. Va'yitnu b'hen ish, ve'yasimu alek. Toras ve'yakrivu vnei Hashem, ish zara asher lotziva osam. Our own sons, Nadav ve'Avivu, each took his fire pan And they put a fire in it, and they put incense upon it. And they offered before Hashem what was called an ish zara, an alien fire, which they had not been commanded to bring. So the sin of Nadav and Avihu, we'll see what it is in a moment. Nadav and Avihu each took their fire pan, they put a fire in it, they brought the k'tores And they offered what was called an eish zara, an alien fire before Hashem And they had not been commanded to bring this alien fire. Rashi quotes Rabbi Yishmael from the Gemara. And says, "What was the problem with what Nadav and Avihu did?
It's that they were intoxicated. They drank wine before they came into the Kodesh Hakadoshim to bring the Keteres, and you're not allowed to be intoxicated when you do the avoda. That was their avera. So our first question for the night is: the pasuk tells us what their avera was. What does the pasuk say? They brought an alien fire. They did something that Hakadosh Baruch Hu did not command them to do. Rashi, first of all, always stays with the simplest pshat. So it's strange here that Rashi is bringing a pshat that's actually not the simplest pshat. But not only that, why bechlau? We have a problem with Riviyashmal. Why does Riviyashmal see fit? To go against the pasuk tells us the problem was that they brought in a shzara, they brought in alien fire. So why does Rabbi Shmuel have to say that they got intoxicated? That's not what the pasuk says. How could Rabbi Shmuel go against the Torah itself? That's our first question for the night.
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Wait, what did Rashi say? Rashi quotes Rabbi Shmuel. The second question we have, which is a very powerful question Is Nadav and Avihu dead? What is Aaron HaKohen's response? Listen to what the pasuk says. VaYomer Moshe Al Aron, Hu Asher Diber Hashem Lemor B'Krovai EKadish VaAl Pnei Kol Am EKaved, VaYidom Aron. Moshe said to Aaron, This what Hashem said to me. Moshe is saying to Aaron, This what Hashem said to me. I will be sanctified through those that were near me, and before all of the people, I will be glorified. Vayidom Aaron. What does that mean? Vayidom Aaron, and Aaron was silent. That's a very strange thing. We cannot imagine what it means to chas v'shalom lose a child. Of all the different ways that we can imagine responding, I don't imagine that any of us in this room can be silent. That's a very strange response.
Va'yidom Aaron, and Aaron was silent. His kids just died. What type of I hate to say it like this, but what type of father could be silent when their kids die? That's a wild thing, no? Not only that, but we know that he was rewarded for his silence. So listen what Rashi says: Va'yidom Aaron Kibel sachar al sh'tikaso. He was rewarded for the fact that he was silent. Uma sachar kibel. And what was Aaron's reward for being silent? That Hakadosh Baruch Hu had a one-on-one conversation with him. Hashem spoke to Aaron directly when it came to the halachos of drinking. When it came to the halachos of drinking in the Beis Hamikdash, those halachos were said straight from Hashem to Aaron. So now we have a third question. The first question, just to remember, was what? The first question was how could Rabbi Shmuel seemingly go against the pasuk and say that their sin was that they were intoxicated? The sin was that they brought an alien fire. They brought an echzara. The second question is, what type of father is silent when his kids die? What type of father is silent? The third question is, we know that whenever Hashem gives reward, He gives reward mida kineged mida, measure for measure.
So let's think about this reward. The reward for being silent, which is strange enough as it is, is that Hashem has a one-on-one conversation with Aaron Akolin. Why does the reward fit what Aaron Akolin did? A one-on-one conversation is a very nice thing, but if it's mida keneged mida, if Aaron Akolin is being rewarded appropriately, we have to understand how that fits with that. Does that make sense? Those are the three questions we have. I want to speak tonight about a topic that I think is very relevant to every single person in this generation. And the topic is What is the Torah hashkafa? What is a Torah hashkafa when it comes to drinking wine? It's delicious. Thank you. What is the Torah's Ashkafah around drinking wine? But I'm going to expand this topic for a moment Not only to speak about being inebriated But on the topic of drinking wine, we should really be talking about any and all substances Because wine is just one substance. What's the Torah approach to drugs?
What's the Torah approach to weed? What's the Torah approach to shrooms? What's the Torah's approach to these things? I want to share with you an idea. And I saw this idea from Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twersky. You girls know who Rabbi Twersky was. No. So he was an addiction specialist. We love you, Emma. So I want to share with you the following idea. At its core What drugs are is a way of disengaging from reality. In other words And this is not a simple thing to understand. Reality is happening. And our responsibility in this world is to align ourselves with reality. The reality. There is a reality that's happening at every single moment. And what we very often do is because reality is uncomfortable We take ourselves out of reality. For example What we do in this world is we don't want to feel pain Right? So There are a million different things we can do to avoid being uncomfortable.
But the truth of the matter is that if reality is uncomfortable Then our responsibility to ourselves is to be uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with being uncomfortable. People don't want to be in positions where they're having negative emotions. But the truth of the matter is that if something negative is happening, it's appropriate to have a negative emotion. Does that make sense? But since it's uncomfortable, what we do is we use substances, drugs, alcohol, et cetera, a million different substances, to take ourselves out of the reality. I don't want to have that reality. I want to have this reality. Isn't that any sort of escape? That's right. That's the nature of an escape. The nature of an escape is I don't want to live within reality. I want to live within the reality that I want to have. So maybe I want an enhanced reality, or maybe I want a diminished reality. So if I want to experience less of something, maybe I'll escape, or maybe I'll take a substance to enhance the thing that I'm doing.
Which is not actually enhancing the thing that you're doing, but you're having an enhanced version of what is. It's not that the thing itself has become larger; it's the way that you relate to it that is in a larger way. For example, you'll hear kids say No, we just get high because we're hanging out together, and it makes it more fun. No, reality with your friends is what it is. When you use a substance to enhance that reality to make it larger than it actually is, you're not living in harmony with reality. If you escape from reality because you need reality to be less than it is, you're also not living within reality. It's understandable why people would do that. Because reality can be deeply uncomfortable, and I don't want to be uncomfortable. So since I don't want to be uncomfortable, I'll do whatever I need to do to create a different reality. Let's take an example like this.
I had an uncomfortable conversation. This happens quickly. You may not even realize that it's happening. I had an uncomfortable conversation with someone. Or I had an uncomfortable day. It's the end of a long day. I don't want to be uncomfortable right now, so I turn on my phone. And I just start scrolling through YouTube Shorts. And four hours later And by the way, four hours is not even crazy. Sometimes it's not an exaggeration. Sometimes if you ask people to look at their screen time, it's wild that you'll see that they're on their phone seven, eight, nine, ten hours a day. If you do the math, they're literally losing years of their life. Why are they doing that? Not because they're bad. Why are they doing that? Because reality is uncomfortable, and those YouTube shorts are very comfortable. Does that make sense? So what's the problem with that?
What's the problem when you're not living in harmony with reality? So the problem is this: reality is happening whether you like it or not. If you live within reality, you can engage what's happening. If you don't live within reality, you cannot engage with what's happening. So it's a very interesting thing that you see. Again, I'm sure none of you, but words that are said in this generation, words that were never said in my generation. I don't want you to judge me. What is that? If somebody tells another person, I don't want you to judge me. What are you really saying? I'm uncomfortable with the way you're showing up to this. But really Are we in control of whether or not people judge us? No. You don't get to live in a reality where you tell people how you want them to show up to reality. We do not control people, places, or things. Does that make sense?
So if somebody shows up to a relationship And let's say Sarah does something And as a result of what Sarah does, Rifka goes, "I don't like that." Sarah does not just—I mean, you could say whatever you want, but Sarah doesn't get to go to Rifka and go, "Stop judging me." You don't get to control what I do inside of myself. That's not an appropriate thing. But it's because we're so uncomfortable with being uncomfortable with sitting with someone who is judging us. Which is not even necessarily the wrong thing to be doing. It's not. I know that sounds like a crazy thing, but haven't you been taught by your parents on some level that you should be judging others? I know it's okay. Seriously, when you were growing up, didn't your parents say to choose good friends? Yeah. So what were you doing when you were little and choosing good friends as opposed to bad friends?
It doesn't mean you're being judgmental. It doesn't mean you're looking at this person without kindness or compassion. But you were taught to make an evaluation of what you feel is right or not right. We don't get to tell other people they have to show up to reality the way I want reality to be. Does that make sense? And so, what happens when we don't engage with reality as it is? You can't be like grateful. I can't. You can't be anything. You can't be anything because reality is happening whether you like it or not. So it's okay for us to have different experiences of reality, but we shouldn't take ourselves out of reality. This is how people end up in a state of addiction. Because if you watch the cycle, it's a very simple cycle. Life is uncomfortable. So I'm going to use a drug to make myself feel more comfortable. In a state of comfort, what do you feel? Comfortable. This is good. So now, every single time discomfort comes up, what do you do? You drug away that discomfort. You drink away that discomfort. You phone away that discomfort.
And then you train yourself like that's what I do when I'm uncomfortable. What happens when your drug of choice no longer does a good enough job at numbing out the discomfort of life? Then he goes to the next thing. Because you have no capacity to deal with discomfort, because you've never trained yourself to live within reality and develop resilience. Now you have to up your game. Because that drug is no longer doing it for me. So you have to get the next thing and the next thing. The problem is that as you I'm a decent rebbe, but it's amazing how I can lose to a mosquito. It's an amazing thing. So I'll tell you what. Let's go on a journey together, where we live within the reality that the mosquito is only just a mosquito, and it probably won't do anything. It goes in your face.
I know. It's a very hard reality to live with. So we could choose to make that our reality. I'm going to choose to teach Torah. I hope you'll come with me. One second, then I'll come to you. If you never train yourself to live within reality, then who are you? Reality is happening whether you like it or not. So you could pay attention to the discomfort of reality and learn to be resilient and learn that it's okay to have negative emotions, or you could fall apart. Those are, if you had to choose, which one of those would you naturally choose? Would you think, even intuitively, that would be a smarter choice? Live within reality, develop grit and resilience, but life is uncomfortable, or make life incredibly comfortable? But then you don't get to live with reality as it is. You have no grit, no resilience. You seek comfort, not pleasure.
That's a huge difference. For example, now this might be uncomfortable, but I'll put it to you like this: If someone in your life who cares about you gives you feedback that's not necessarily nice for you to hear You have two opportunities to respond to that. Two choices that you can make. One choice is Wow, thank you for that feedback. Because I'm working on myself, and because I want to be experienced in a positive and healthy way, I appreciate the feedback that you gave me. Or I didn't like the feedback that you gave me. Why would we say the second one? You're uncomfortable. Because if you say something that makes me uncomfortable, I'm uncomfortable with that, and I'm not okay with being uncomfortable. So we say aselech harav. Kanelech achaver. What's the job of having a rebbe? What does it mean to have a mechanechet or a rakazet or somebody in your life? Aselech harav is not the same thing as kanelech achaver. Aselech harav is I want to have someone in my life who challenges me Which is why the very next thing that's said is kanelech achaver. Because if you have somebody who challenges you, what are you going to have to do next?
Have a friend who's going to be there to support you. Because when you're challenged, it's really hard. But it's good to be challenged. It's good to be uncomfortable because that means you're living within reality. Does that make sense? If you say no, it's not a big deal. We're all just smoking up because then it's easier for us to have a good time with each other. Do you realize what that means? That means that without the artificial enhancement You don't value the reality of just spending time with each other. It's not actually better. You're just messing with your brain chemicals. And so you'll hear kids say today all the time. They go like, 'Weed is not different than beer' Right? Weed is not, it's just it's not a big deal, right? You can't get addicted to weed. First of all, you can't get addicted to weed because weed is not an addictive substance. But you might be an addictive person
So you could be addicted even if weed is not an addictive substance. That's number one. But more importantly, this has nothing to do with weed. It's how you're using weed, to enhance or to escape from reality as it is. Does that make sense? You should know I have a friend who takes this so far that he won't take Tylenol if he has a headache. He's very extreme in this regard, but I actually value it. Again, I take Tylenol, but I understand where he's coming from. He says if I have a headache Then what is reality telling me? Maybe I'm not drinking enough water. Maybe I'm not getting enough sleep. He says my response to having a headache is to take a nap, to have a drink, not that drink, to have some water. Does that make sense? So he would say, okay. So if I know that, let's say for example, I have to work today, I have a headache now. It's because last night I didn't take care of myself. He would say again, I wouldn't say, I would say take the tamale, but he would say now I created that reality. I'm gonna live with the consequences of that reality. And tonight I'm gonna make sure to go to sleep because I know that the consequence of me not sleeping is that I'll have a headache tomorrow.
Again, I think that's a very extreme take. I'm telling you, I would take the Tylenol, but I appreciate the approach because what he's really fundamentally saying is, what I want as a person is to meet reality where it is. If people have feedback for me, I want to be a person that could take that feedback. If somebody comes, let's say for example, if you have a rebbe that comes to you in your life and says It wasn't appropriate the way you showed up. And your response is I don't like the fact that you're telling me that. The Rebbe is not supposed to care whether you like it or not. If the Rebbe cares about you, like if a parent says, 'Listen, this wasn't okay,' we should be wise enough, not necessarily to agree with them. It's not our job to agree with everything that everyone tells us, but to take it with consideration because they're wiser, because they're older, because they care about us, and to be able to say I didn't like it. But that's honestly sometimes the things that we don't like to hear, the things we need to hear.
What about people that use Torah or davening as their escape? I'm not suggesting that a person can't do that. Meaning, is that healthy? Of course not. If you have to escape from life, so you run away into the confines of the beis medrash because you have no ability to deal with the outside world, I don't think that would be a good thing either. The Torah is designed to help us engage with reality as it is. Aren't we taught that if you feel overwhelmed by something, you could always turn to Hashem? But not as an escape, but to come into contact with the pain that I'm feeling. And as faith is designed to confront painful things, so with my pain, I can turn to Hashem and say, 'Ouch, this hurts.' Not now, I don't feel pain because I'm in the arms of God. Two questions. Number one, what's the difference between comfort and pleasure?
So I said that quickly, and I'm glad you picked up on it. I was going to expound upon it, but thank you for the segue. Comfort is a state of like it's like it's like ground zero That's all it is. I'm in bed, nothing is hurting me. I have two pillows. I have the exact mattress I want, the sheets I want with the high thread count, the blanket. I'm comfortable. Pleasure comes with living a life of meaning. For example, if somebody said, "I'm comfortable in a relationship" I would think that means there's no pain or friction in this relationship. If somebody said, 'This is an incredible relationship. There's pleasure in the relationship,' I would think those people in that relationship are doing something special together. Pleasure is not just the absence of discomfort. Pleasure is actual, like that's actual pleasure. That's act. It's positive. It's not just neutral.
Does that make sense? You're not experiencing pleasure in bed. That's comfort. Pleasure Pleasure is when you're out there with your friends doing something. Pleasure occurs with actual meeting, not just the absence of discomfort. If one were to have to sham Like use drugs an escape. They would say that smoking weed gives them pleasure, but that doesn't necessarily follow what the drug was saying. Because that's not what it is. It's the absence of discomfort or the enhancement of reality to be something that it's not. But it's not what's actually happening. That's the difference. Just because you're laughing doesn't mean you're happy. If you take a drug and then you're laughing your head off, you're not actually happy. Happy because there's nothing in reality that's saying you should be happy to this degree right now. So it's said that sometimes people, including myself, we can't meet reality where it is. So we have to elevate reality to be something that it's not—not actually, but within ourselves, because that's the only way we know how to be. Because this level of happiness is not good enough, and that's uncomfortable for me. Does that make sense? Yes.
Yeah. With what she was saying before about how we use davening and talking to Hashem not as an escape, but to lean on, and the Rav was saying how it's not an escape, it's using it to face reality. I'm not saying that people can't use it as an escape. I'm saying that in its design, that's not what it's meant to do. Can that sometimes confuse it with also using it as an escape? What do you mean? Meaning like How do you know the difference? Right. I can't tell you again. I can't tell you what's happening inside of you. But let's say If somebody told me I experienced something very painful in my life, but then I davened and I didn't feel pain anymore, I would think that would be weird. If somebody told me I experienced something really painful in my life, and then I davened, and I still feel that pain, but I also feel the pleasure of having shared that pain with Hashem, I feel like I did what I could. It's not the absence of discomfort. The discomfort is there. It's just that there's something alongside it called faith.
So again, I'm not saying that people don't use it that way. People will absolutely use tefillah as a form of control or as a form of escape. I'm saying it's not the design of what tefillah is meant to be. In fact, it's the exact opposite. All of Torah is teaching us how to engage reality as it actually is. Does that make sense? If pleasure does have to be meaningful? Because we see a lot of people who can experience a lot of pleasure and relax their meaning. Give me an example. But is it real? Pleasure conjures something that's very varied. I think you're right. I think it's a good point that you're making that there's a lot of different levels of pleasure, and that a very base level of pleasure will be something material. But I think as we see, people that again, I'm not here to say what's meaningful, who's leading meaningful lives or not. Let's say, let's take your assumption that people are leading meaningless lives, but they may have a massive amount of physical pleasure. So we know that in speaking to these people, we know that physical pleasure that they've amassed. Houses, the cars, the planes, the helicopters.
The fame, et cetera. We know that material pleasure actually steadily declines over time because it's not accompanied by meaning. So for example, let's say we know if we were looking at, say, on a graph that a small amount of physical pleasure with a large amount of meaning will be a much greater pleasure than a large amount of physical pleasure with no meaning. So just to play it out, to give you an example. Again, I'm not. You're right, but I'm not going to get into a conversation of how we define meaning. However, we define meaning for the purposes of this conversation, we can probably both agree that it's better to have a smaller house filled with children and family and people that you love than a larger house that's empty. So the larger house that's empty is going to steadily decline in time in terms of its value to me as a person because I'm not doing anything meaningful with that house.
Whereas the smaller house will increase in value over time because the meaning of the house is greater than the house itself. Does that make sense? Pleasure is always ultimately about meaning and not about material. The material is as meaningful as the meaning that you endow it with, whatever you define meaning as. Makes sense? We only have a couple of minutes, so I just want to finish up this year and then you can walk me on the way down. So the idea is now as follows: What did Nadav and Avihu do? Rabbi Shmuel says Nadav and Avihu came into the Beis Hamikdash, they came into Kodesh Kodoshim, intoxicated. What was their esh zara? What was their strange fire? It wasn't like they needed right. They needed to enhance their service of Hashem because on its own, to them, it wasn't enough. Does that make sense? So Rabbi Shmuel is not giving an answer that goes against what the pasuk says. It's explaining what the pasuk says. It's a strange thing. This is the word 'strange.' It's strange. There's a fire there, but it was a strange fire because it was an artificially enhanced fire. It was a fire that they came in with in a state of inebriation. That's not a way that we serve Hashem. They weren't meeting reality as it is.
They were drunk. They were drunk. That's the point. Had they not been drunk and they brought the ketores according to R' Yishmael, it would have been no problem because to be maktor the ketores at that time was meeting reality. They were connecting to God. But because they weren't just satisfied with that, they had to enhance it by being drunk. So now it was an aish zara. It's no longer just an aish. It's strange. It has this artificial enhancement to it. It's not what it is. And our job when we meet Hashem is to be with Hashem as it is. As reality is. Let's go over to Aaron Akohen, and we're going to start to see something very deep. Listen to the words of the Ramban. Was Aaron Akohen crying or not? Rashi just says he was quiet. Listen what the Ramban says. Shahaya boche bekol. He was crying out loud because his children died.
The az shasak And then he was quiet. What does it mean he was quiet? So here's one way of thinking about Aaron Akomine's quietness. He wasn't quiet because he was sad. He was quiet because he was still. Because he was still, he was aware. Because he was aware, he was able to accept reality as it is. From that place of accepting the reality, he gets choice. He gets self-regulation, and ultimately, he gets to make a choice of how he wants to respond to the tragedy. Is being vayidom aron according to the Ramban? Is vayidom aron mean that then he just wasn't sad anymore? Vayidom aron is he was sad, but then he chose how do I want to live with this tragedy that just occurred. So vayidom aron is him meeting the moment as it is. Does that make sense? And it's of course he cried because that's a part of meeting the moment. But what's the other crying?
The other crying is that mine. What's mine? Good. The other crying because I also have this. The other crying is not just I'm sorry. The other response is not just crying because I'm sad in this moment, but it's the full range of this moment, which can only come in stillness. That's the greatness of Irony Cohen. I'm still aware of reality as it is. I can choose to self-regulate now, and now I can choose how I want to respond to this tragedy. Since he met reality as it is, what's the natural reward for that? If you meet reality, that means you're meeting Hashem. Because Hashem creates every moment exactly as it is. So if you meet reality, that means you're living in harmony with Hashem. So when it comes to the halachos of Shisu Yaiyan of being allowed or not allowed to drink in the Beis Hamikdash.
So who gets to hear those halachos straight from Hashem? Aaron Akohen, the one who lived with Hashem in reality. And this is a very relevant message in our times, because we are a generation that, in unprecedented ways, knows how to escape or enhance reality. There's a reason there's so much addiction in our world today. It's because if given the opportunity to experience the discomfort of reality or to minimize that discomfort, naturally what am I going to choose? Minimize. I'm naturally going to choose to minimize. If I can hang out with a bunch of friends and it'll be level six awesome, but I can use some substance and now it'll be level nine awesome. Why wouldn't I choose level nine? The answer to that question is because I'd rather live with reality and experience the discomfort of reality, but then also get to live with the pleasure of reality. I'm meeting every moment as it is. Every moment is pregnant with meaning. I have the ability to allow that meaning to unfold and to live in harmony with Hashem, and that's exactly what Aaron does in the face of the most incredible discomfort. What's the most incredible discomfort that we could possibly experience? The loss of a loved one.
One could argue that the loss of a child is the greatest possible discomfort that a person could experience. How does Aaron Akohain meet that moment? Ramban says he cries. But then after he cries, he makes a choice. I cried because that's my natural emotion, but now I want to see how I meet the moment, how I live in harmony with Hashem in this moment. And that's what Vayidom Aron means, and that's what we are all striving to do—to meet reality and to live with Hashem as each moment unfolds before us. Girls, have a wonderful Shabbos and a Chag Kashrus Amav, because I think it's the last year before Pesach.
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