The Most Dangerous Purim Seuda

3:10 If Chassid Shalom, somebody dies in front of us, what do we do? CPR right away. The Gemara says, "Beferish." When did Rabbah bring Ruzayr back to life? When did he daven for him? Not until the next day. Pashlus, when should he have brought him back? Right then. Another question. If in fact you do kill someone, usually you say, "I'm sorry." No. Sorry, I didn't mean to murder you. Instead, the Gemara doesn't mention that Reb Zera ever had to forgive Rabba because he never asked him. Not only that, he says, "Nu, let's have Purim suddah together." What would we have expected Rabba to say? Last year, I killed you. I'm not going to invite you back. And Reb Zera doesn't say to him, "Are you crazy? You're asking me to come back for Purim suddah." Reb Zera just says, 'You can't rely on a nace.' So the simple meaning of this story eludes us. But above all, the Gemara does not stand to tell us stories. There has to be something for us in this story. What does it mean that the Gemara is telling us the story that Rabbah murdered Avzayir? What's the Purim message for us? When you go through the Mefarshim, the Mefarshim work very hard to try to explain the story in a way that we could understand.

4:34 Some want to say that the Gemara is not literal. Some means shchita doesn't mean shchita; it means schita that he squeezed him. Doesn't actually mean that he killed him because he got him squeezed him like he got him really drunk, so he squeezed him. Some want to say like the Marashah says that he made him drink too much, so as if he was dead. Malbin says that it doesn't mean that he killed him; it's come Rabbah got up. It doesn't say vishach day of Zera; it says shach day of Zera. And he didn't actually kill him; Rezera died from drinking too much. But everyone's working very hard to say that the Gemara doesn't really mean it; it means to say you shouldn't drink too much on Purim. It's dangerous. But to say that Rabbi killed Rezera, no, Ain't davar kaseh; can't be.

5:27 There's a halacha that you're supposed to get drunk on Purim. But it's brought down that you're not supposed to get so drunk on Purim, based on a Rabenu Ephraim who learns it out from this Gemara. Pashalus Rabenu Ephraim is learning it out from this Gemara. And the Rambam seems, as we'll see later, to paskin this Rabenu Ephraim as well. That a person should not get too drunk on Purim because Hashem they could end up doing something that's inappropriate. You've seen this before. I remember once on Purim when I was still living in New York, Hatsala had to come to my block because there was a twelve-year-old. Who needed to have a stomach pumped? First of all, he's not chayav in mitzvos in general. Even if you want to say there's such a mussar of chinuch, what's the chinuch for a 12 year old to get so drunk that he has to go to the hospital and have a stomach pump? There's no kiddush Hashem. There's no mitzvah in getting a person to that level of drunk that they should end up in the hospital. Why? The Beinu Afraim takes this gemara very seriously. When a person gets too drunk, bad things can happen. There is a chasam seifer. Based on the Gemara Shabbos.

6:31 We're not going to get into it now. That really takes this Gemara very literally. The Gemara says that if you're born in certain times under certain influences, you'll come out in a certain way. Whatever this means, not for now. The Gemara says if you're born under the influence of Mars, Mars is from Loshan of like a red planet, so you're going to end up being somebody that has murderous type of tendencies. You'll either end up being a Moel or a Shaykhit or a Ganef, but something is going to be not so good. And the Gemara there says that Raba That Raba was born under the influence of Madim of Mars. Chassam Sofer, based on that, goes on to say that you see that Raba ended up killing Reuven Zalman because he was born under the influence of Madim. So Chassam Sofer takes the Gemara very seriously. There is one very strong indication that the Gemara has to be taken very seriously, and that is based on the halacha. Because if the Gemara is saying 'Chayev inishele besumei beporia adlo yad bein arer hamon lebarch Mordechai' So then what's the Gemara really saying? You really have to get drunk. The Gemara tells a story about people who got drunk. The Gemara's clear indication is that this has to be taken seriously. There was such a story. The question is, what does the story mean?

7:57 So the Rebbe brings, and again, not everything that was said tonight is going to be from the Rebbe, but the general Mahalach is from the Rebbe. The Rebbe says, in order to understand this story, we have to go back to another story where people got drunk and ended up dying. What's the famous story in Chumash of people who got drunk and ended up dying? The story of Nadav and Avihu. What's the story of Nadav and Avihu? Nadav and Avihu went into the Mishkan drunk to be makir of the Keterus. And they ended up being consumed by an Eish Zara and they ended up dying. Moshe says, 'Now I understand what it means when the pasuk says the krovayakadish, that I will become sanctified through my krovim.' He says, 'I always thought that it was either going to be you or me, that it was either going to be Moshe Rabbeinu or it was going to be Aaron Kayin. But now I see that Nadav and Avihu were greater than both of us. This is the consolation.' That Moshe Rabbeinu was saying to Aaron Hakayin.

8:58 That I thought we were going to be the ones to sanctify the Mikdash, The Mishkan, but really, it's not even Avi who they were greater than both you and I. And Hashem now has to go and tell Aaron Hakayin a special halacha. What's the halacha? They have to tell him, Don't go to the base of Mikdash drunk. It's a penalty of death. Eishzar, you could be consumed by the strange fire. The question is: If Nadav and Avihu were so great that they were bekreiv ayei kadosh, then how could Nadav and Avihu go into the bayes hamikdash drunk? What does that mean? They had a party. They were so excited for Shlishi Nissan. They're so excited to consecrate the mishkan that they decided to get too drunk and then they came into the mishkan and they were makriv k'tiris. Obviously, that can't be the full story. So comes along the arachayim Hakadosh and tells us an unbelievable insight.

9:53 The story. We're entitled to the adult version of the Torah. Very often, we're left with the little Medrash says version of Torah. That's what we learned. That's not really true. There's much deeper things going on. So the Aruch HaYam Hakadosh teaches us really what Rashi means. The Aruch HaYam Hakadosh says like this: After Nadav and Avihu died. Hakadosh Baruch Hu tells Moshe and Achray Moshe, "Don't come too close, because this is how Nadav and Avihu died." Why? He explains as follows: There is such a thing called chlois ha nefesh. Anyone here know what chlois ha nefesh is? Chlois ha nefesh is a specific type of death that tzaddikim experience when they come so close to Hakadosh Baruch Hu that it's not possible for them to exist anymore. It doesn't even exist at all. As we're going to see, existence is only capable of existing because there's a gap that we experience between us and our Kadosh Baruch Hu.

11:03 Sheker, this world is called an Alma de Sheker. Our world is called a world of lies. What does it mean that it's Alma de Sheker? Alma de Sheker means that the world, which is the biggest lie of all. Why is our world a lie? Because it says Ain Olmavado. Ain Olmavado means really. Neveshachayim says don't think about Ain Olmavado too much because it can mess you up. Because you are constantly going to be thinking about, Do I exist? Don't I exist? The Tanya went in the opposite direction. Bechassidim they focus on Ain Olmavado. Really, the only thing that's true, the only thing that's real, is Hakadosh Baruch. Why is that true? Because his existence is unchanging. Our existence is constantly and forever changing. So when something changes, what do you know about it? It's not real. Mashallah, if you have a piece of wood. Right now, its form is a piece of wood. But is it really a piece of wood? It's not really a piece of wood. Because I could change it in a million different ways. If I burnt it, now it becomes something much different. So something that's true and something that's real has to be unchanging. There is nothing else but it. So the only true existence is Hakadosh Baruch Hu's existence, which is not an existence at all. Because existence takes up space, right? And Hakadosh Baruch Hu's existence takes up no space.

12:28 In other words, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is true, and therefore he doesn't exist. So when people say, 'Prove to me that Hakadosh Baruch Hu exists,' what's the answer? How could I prove something that doesn't exist? The terminology for proof is a scientific terminology. You prove it means you can measure. But I can't prove. I shouldn't even try to prove something that doesn't exist. Lamashal, if somebody tried to prove to you that something is music How could you prove that something is music? It's not subject to proof. I could prove that something is called sound, but it doesn't make sense to say that something is called music. That's a personal experience—that would be the equivalent of if your child said, 'Prove to me that you love me.' If your child comes and says, 'Prove to me that you love me,' Allah has gone wrong already. So you can't prove something that's real. You can only prove something that's not real. You can only prove something that takes up space. So when it comes to our world, really our world is not real. But Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants us to feel that it's real, because this is where He wants to be served. So we have the feeling that this world is real. That's why it's called Amud Shikur. Thank you so much for allowing us to use your home.

14:04 So. Absolutely, I don't have to turn it into. I just have to access. So now, there's such a thing called klois hanefesh. What does klois hanefesh mean? Klois hanefesh is a state of being that it's not possible for me to exist anymore like this. It's not possible. This is a very dangerous thing for us, Lomoshel. In any relationship, you're supposed to exist. What happens if you lose your existence to a relationship? What do we call that? That's codependent. That's very dangerous. If somebody says, 'I can't live without you,' That's obsession, right? But let's say after fifty, sixty years of marriage A person loses their spouse. On some level, they really can't live without them.

15:10 Because my existence has been so devoted and dedicated to you, not in the beginning. If after meeting someone for six months you say I can't live without you, there's something very wrong with that. But after fifty, sixty years, if somebody says I can't live without you, that's healthy. That's normal. So my high school basketball coach told us that when he was five years old, he met his wife. He said he remembers the day. I had him when he was in his eighties already. When he was five years old, he remembers the day the moving truck came and that his wife moved in next door. They used to play together and were the kids in elementary school that everyone would make fun of. Then at some point they started dating in elementary school, whatever that means. He told us they broke up for one week of high school and they were so miserable. Their friends said they couldn't stand them like that, so they got them back together. But even in that week, they saw each other every day. They went to college together and got married.

16:11 They spent their whole lives together. He said there was never a day and a night where he didn't see her. And even if he had to go away on a trip, he always came back. And the ahava that he had for his wife was of such incredible depth that he could not imagine being without her. When she passed, he went into this terrible depression. He couldn't imagine how he could live without her. He told us this maseh in the last practice when I was a senior. I came home and told my father this maseh. And he used to come across the street from me. One of his children lived across the street from me. So I would say to him on Thursdays when I would leave school, I would say I'll see you on Shabbos. And he was already in his eighties at the time. And he used to say, "If I'm around," meaning he was like waiting to die. And it was the strangest thing to me. I was like, "You're waiting to die." And then I told my father this ma'isla. And my father said to me, "People like that deserve to die together." I was seventeen years old. I couldn't understand for the life of me what my father was talking about.

17:18 People deserve to die together. Didn't make any sense. And then by his levaya, everybody was talking about, "Now he'll be okay." Why? Because he had such a level of dedication and devotion to his wife. After so many years of being with each other, the truth of his existence could not be contained anymore in this physical world. He needed to be with her, and the fact that he wasn't was intolerable to him. So the Aruch Hayyim says there's such a thing called chlois ha nefesh, which means that right now the tzaddikim get to a state. Where they're so dafik to their banisalom that being in this world does not make any sense to them. It doesn't make any sense. How could I be here? Let's think about this deeply for one second. Does the soul want to do a mitzvah? Does your godly soul want to do a mitzvah? Everyone naturally thinks the answer is yes, but the truth of the matter is your soul has no interest in doing a mitzvah. It's a strange thing to say, right? Everybody always thinks your soul brings you to do a mitzvah. It's not true. Why? Because your soul wants to be with the Rebbeinu Shalom. When somebody comes to your door and knocks on your door and asks you for tzedakah, the natural reaction that the soul has is to give tzedakah.

18:42 You want to partake in this physical world. What's wrong with you? This is not a normal thing for the soul to be here in this world. The soul wants to be with the Rebbeinu Shalom. Other Abba, the nature of the growth of the soul is that it has to learn to appreciate existence. So that when somebody comes to your door, the soul has to be trained to say, somebody else's feeling is very important right now. So you have to be with them right here, down here in this world. I once had a Talmud student who was sick, so I went to visit him. I was in America. I went to visit him. Knocked on the door. And his mother came to the door. She took one look at me and she said, "I'm sorry, we don't give door to door." I said, "No, I'm your son's rabbi." So she felt so bad. It's okay. I understand. I know what I look like. Some overweight guy with a beard comes knocking on your door. Eight o'clock at night. You're not expecting him. I would maybe also say that.

19:45 So she felt very bad. I said, "No, it just means you're in touch with your godly soul." He's. I understand. The truth is, it's not always easy to give door to door because everybody's constantly coming, and we don't know who's coming. I understand, but the truth of the matter is, The nefeshulikis is not looking to get involved in mitzvah. It doesn't want to be here at all. So the Aruch HaYam explains that this is the state that Nadav and Avihu reached. That Nadav and Avihu got to a point of kloisa nefesh. That's why they died. It's not the pshat. We're going to understand this more deeply in a moment. It's not the shot they died because they came in after a party and got drunk. So Nadav and Avihu died because they were inappropriately drunk in the Beis Hamikdash. These were tzadikim. The krovei are kadosh. Moshe Abinu says they're bigger than us. Says the Aruchaim. What does it mean they're bigger than us? They reached such a state of connection to Hashem that existence was impossible.

20:40 Where else do we see such a concept? By Matan Torah, when Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave the first two dibros. The connection that we had to Hakadosh Baruch Hu in that moment was so powerful that it wasn't possible for us to exist. And who had to come and revive us? Hakadosh Baruch Hu had to come and revive us because we became so close to Him. So now, I want to share with you a var that the first time that I ever opened up this particular sefer, which is the Arge Dal Yahu. I saw this var. I was twenty-one years old, and I was so nespail from this var. That's when I started learning chassidus, just from this var. And every week I went through Arga Daliyoh until I finished the entire sefer from this var that I'm about to tell you. This is the first var I ever learned from Arga Daliyoh. Arga Daliyoh says like this: We know that the story of Nadav and Avihu is a hakdama. To Yom Kippur, I come to the service in the base of Megdasha Yom Kippur.

21:54 So he brings from the Ruzhin Rebbe the following idea. Everybody knows the head of Rav Kiva died. What's the story? The Romans were combing his skin with hot irons. They were combing it off. And what does the Gemara tell us? In that moment, Rav Kiva was being mekabel on himself, Oma Achuz Shamayim. The Talmidim said to him, "Ab can, meaning even now, when your mamash is being killed, you're being mekabel on yourself all malchus Shamayim." So he says, "What are you talking about? Every single day when I say Kriyas Shema, I say 'Bechol nashecha, afi lo natoles neshmasecha.' Every single day when I'm saying in Kriyas Shema 'Bechol nashecha,' I would worship you with all of my soul. Meaning I'd be ready to die. 'Bechol nashecha,' I'm ready to die. Now that I have the opportunity to die, Al Kiddush Hashem, I couldn't do it. And then it says, 'Shma Yisrael, Hashem Alakeno, Hashem Echad.' He was Mirich Be'echad. Meaning he, and that's why the that's why we do that. When we say Hashem Echad or Mirich Be'echad, we extend the echad. Parchon Ashmasu, and then he died.

22:59 Says the Heli Gerushan, a Reb had a Reb who would die. How did he die? So he says, You have to pay very careful attention. This is really, where does the neshama want to be? The neshama wants to be in Shamayim. It does not want to be here in this world. But the pasuk says v'chaybahem, so you're not allowed to reach such a state of dvekust Hashem that you would die. You're not allowed to. But now that there's no chivah v'chaybahem, because Rivakiva has the capability of dying la'kedush Hashem. Meaning every single day he was ready to die. Meaning he was right there at that state where he could die. From the dvekus that he had to the mitzvah. But why didn't he die? Mitzvah v'chayban. But now that there's no mitzvah v'chayban because he has the opportunity to die al kiddush Hashem. So what's going to kill Rav Akiva? Not the Romans. He's mirich be'echad, meaning he reaches such a state of oneness with Hashem, Parnasha shmasa that he passes away. That's the way the Rosh and the Rebbe understood the Gemara. Chedush Arim says it even a little bit deeper. He says the mitzvah is v'chaybahem, which means that there is life in the mitzvah. So really, Chelusha Yerim says like this: the Ger Rebbe says, really, the mitzvah should kill you. Except, why doesn't it? Because the mitzvah which should kill you is filled with life.

24:25 Mameila, when there was no v'chaybahem, the mitzvah killed him. Let's make it practical for a second. If you love someone so much, then you can't bear to be by yourself. You can't bear to be without them. And if I have the opportunity to serve you, it's the deepest thing that I can do for you. That's where I want to be. How can I be anywhere else? This is what it means in a deep way when we said Nasav and Ishma. What does Nasav and Ishma mean? Is it logical to say Nasav and Ishma? It's illogical to say Nasav and Ishma. So what's the godless? Generally, Jews are smart people. What's the why is it that we said Nasav and Ishma? Nasav and Ishma means. You'll tell me why afterwards. I could serve you. That's unbelievable. So there's such a thing called chlois an nefesh that Rivka had, and he was capable of using a mitzvah to end his own life. And we see that there were people like this. Eliyahu and Navi, for example. Eliyahu and Navi reached such a state of dvekas ba'ashem that he didn't have death. He just ascended to Shamayim. And even those tzaddikim that do die, like Moshe Rabbeinu, how does the Gemara describe his death?

25:35 It's called misas neshikah. He dies with a kiss. What does that mean? The Gemara explains. It's like taking a feather out of milk, versus taking a feather out of tar. What happens when you take a feather out of tar? There's an extraction process, and at the end, what's left on the feather is black tar. It's not nice. You take a feather out of milk. It's seamless, and at the end, you can't tell the difference. Moshe Abenu's neshama had no desire to leave his body because his body was such a makom kadosh. The neshama couldn't tell the difference between the kisei akavet and Moshe Rabbeinu's body. So the gedolim, the tzaddikim, always knew how to reach a state of dvekas where death was the most natural thing in the world. Why is death so not natural to us? Because we're so wrapped up in our existence that it's hard to be in touch with your life. This is the narcissism of the body.

26:25 Mameila, we can understand. Why were Nadav and Avihu being makter keterus? Girls, what does the lashon of keterus come from? It comes from a lashon of kesher. They weren't standing bringing a carbon. A lashon of carbon is karov. It's close. Keterus is from a lashon of kesher, which means intimate. That's the difference. You could be close to something, or you could be one with something. So Nadav and Avihu they weren't standing bringing carbonos. What were they doing? They were being makter keterus. They were creating intimacy, oneness. So Memaleh, there was no life left to live. Says the Zayir Hakadosh. When we say on davening on Yom Kippur, Ana Hashem, Ana is Rashi Tevus Eliyahu Nadav Aviyu. Ana Hashem Eliyahu Nadav Aviyu. All those people that they had they ascended into Shamayim in that Esh. Why is it Esh Zara? It's Esh Zara because Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes along and says, "Don't serve me like that. I need you here." This is what it means when the Medrash says, "Nesave Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Lios Lo Yos Barach Dira B'Tachkayim." That Hakadosh Baruch Hu desires. Where does Hakadosh Baruch Hu want to be, girls? Here in this world.

27:40 So why are we considering Nadav and Avihu a higher level? The level of balance. The only reason that Nadav and Avihu reached that high level. Hakadosh Baruch Hu has to come along to Aran Hakayin and say, 'Don't do that.' In other words, in principle, they were so in touch with the essence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, which is why they died. Exactly. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, 'Asher lo tseiva sum.' That's not what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants. There is you know there is different types of averes. There is averes like we do Which are basically gross. There is an averes like the tzaddikim do. There is such a thing as an aver by a tzaddik, but an aver by a tzaddik is not the same thing by us. The problem when we learn the little Medrash says version of the story of Nadav and Avihu is we think Nadav and Avihu did a terrible avera. They did an avera. The Torah needs to tell Aaron and Kayin don't do the same avera. Why does the Torah need to tell Aaron and Avi Aaron and Kayin not to do the same avera? Because there's something so beautiful about the avera that they did.

28:41 It's a big question everybody asks. It doesn't make any sense. People say, why does Hakadosh Baruch Hu want us down here? If we were already up in Shamayim, it doesn't make sense that now we should be coming down here just to go back up there. You understand? Come down just to go up. I could have just stayed up. So that's what the Medrash says: Nesava Hakadosh Baruch Hu lios lo yisbarach dira b'tachtayin. Where does Hakadosh Baruch Hu want you? Down here. How far down, girls? All the way down. Sometimes we find ourselves in a matzav where we say, "I could serve Hakadosh Baruch Hu here." Here's where I'm supposed to serve a Kadosh Baruch Hu. What's the answer? You find yourself in a very low place. How did that happen? We're impressed with people that go to a very low place. Whether it's because they chose to go to a very low place to find other people, or whether because they slipped there by accident. Doesn't that happen? You ever meet somebody who somehow turns around five years later and you look at them? You go, How did you get down there? I'd like to be down there with you.

29:45 Together, we could find a Kadosh Baruch Hu in even a lower place. This is what the Ramchal says when we say Ad Masai. What does Masai stand for? Mitzvah, Tshuva, and Yisurin. Mitzvah is when our Kadosh Baruch Hu is connected to us in our positive actions. Tshuva is when our Kadosh Baruch Hu is connected to us in our negative actions. Yisurin is when our Kadosh Baruch Hu is connected to us in pain. What's the lowest place in the world, Girls? The lowest place in the world is pain. So we go down. I once asked my Rebbe. Something happened. A certain person in my family got sick. So I woke up. It was four o'clock in the morning. I woke myself up from crying in my dream. I woke myself up. It was four o'clock in the morning. So I called my Rebbe in America. I said, Rebbe, I can't. I can't do this anymore. I'm in such terrible pain. So he sat with me on the phone for a while. So I said, I just want to know, Where's that Kol D'varchu? So he said, He's crying with you. What do you mean? That's what it means that Kol D'varchu came down to Mitzrayim with us. It's finding a Kadosh Baruch Hu in our pain, in our suffering. If a person Chasimun gets sick or passes away That's the deepest place of finding a Kadosh Baruch Hu. He wants us down here in this world.

30:57 Meila, we can understand why the Kohen Gadol has a s'chus to go lefnayv lefnim on Yom Kippur. It's only because of Nadav and Avihu. How is it that a Kadosh Baruch Hu is capable of having such an attachment with us, and we're capable of having such an attachment with Him on Yom Kippur? It's because Nadav and Avihu paved the way. So you're right; it was not an avera, but they paved the way with their avera so that we should be able to do tshuva. Now let's understand that for a second. Tshuva makes sense. Tshuva does not make sense. Tshuva doesn't make sense. Could be I could forgive a person. That makes sense. Tell me you're not going to do it again. Fine, but that doesn't make up for what you did. So why does tshuva make sense? When you look in the Sifrei Chassidus, they all say the same thing. Tshuva means. This is a very deep idea. Tshuva means you never did an avera to begin with. You never did an avera. What do you mean? I did the avera. You didn't do the avera. If I didn't do the avera, how did the avera get done? There was a part of you that did the avera.

32:00 But was that the essence of who you are? That's not the essence of who you are. There was a part of us, even while we're doing the avera, that's screaming. I am not participating in that, and that is called the pentaliad inside of all of us. There's a part of us that mamish wants nothing to do with the avera, and tshuva means I'm returning to that part. I never did it. On the outside, it looked like I did it, but I never did it. What's the problem? The problem is we're convinced that we did the avera. Since we're convinced that we did the avera, how could you possibly do tshuva? It's like the tzaddikim say, if you roll around in the mud you're going to get dirty. I think it was the Katskur Rebbe who said that. So a person who's in there on Yom Kippur all the time, then alchet, and all he's thinking about is I'm such a terrible sinner. By the end of Yom Kippur he's not going to be clean, because he spent all of his time thinking I'm such an avayer and I'm such an avayer. Alchet means alchet was done. We did it together, all of Chai. So we did it together. That's why it's in plural. But the essence that pintoed inside of us never did the avayer.

33:03 Memela, there's such a thing called tshuva. Why is that coming from Nadav and Avihu? Because remember, it's Nadav and Avihu who got drunk, touching the essence. Though we have to explain what that means. Touching the essence, Memela, they paved the way for the kohen gadol to be mechaper for all of Klal Yisrael. Why is that? Because drinking diminishes existence. For example, when you have a couch, that's a three-seater couch. It should say it's three seats if you're sober. You ever see Yeshiva Bachar Mampurim on a couch? A three-seater couch can all of a sudden fit eight people. Why? Because when you're not inebriated, existence takes up space, and we need existence. We need a comfortable existence. But when you drink, your existence is diminished. So you're not worried if the guy is mamish on top of me. It doesn't work that way.

34:00 You ever watch people sober up at the same time together when there's eight people on a couch? The funniest thing in the world—they all sober up at the same time. All of a sudden, pushing, get off of me. Why? Because your existence came back up. That's why you're not allowed to drink when you're depressed. Why? Because if you diminished your existence and your life is in jeopardy, because you're depressed, that's when terrible things happen. That's when people develop alcohol dependencies. When do we drink? We drink at a simcha. We drink like bnei Torah. We don't drink like. If you see somebody getting plastered and acting like an animal. So you know that has nothing to do with Hashem. But a person makes a lechaim by a simcha. Why do we say lechaim? We say lechaim to life. This is such an unbelievable moment of life that to diminish my existence is not a big deal. Other rabba, it enhances the simcha, but only if it enhances the simcha. If somebody has to carry you out at the end, so then that's not that wasn't that's not a gevul be'gassimcha. So the way when you see big talmidei chachamim get drunk, it's an unbelievable thing. To see real kamei dechacham get drunk.

35:04 And they sit there and they're running through shas and peskim and they're getting very tired and they're crying. That's an unbelievable thing. Sometimes I wonder if I should say a story and not say a story. Usually I just end up saying it. So I'll tell you the truth. The summer before I went to Israel, so 17 years old, I'll tell you have the story. The other half you don't need to know, but I went to a chaver for Shabbos who had just come back from Israel after his second year. He was having an open house. His mother was out of town. He was having all the chaver from camp over for Shabbos. So I was a high school kid. So you can imagine that I was expecting an open house to be an open house. Whatever that means. Friday night comes.

35:59 Everyone brought a lot of food. Friday night comes, kiddush, challah, and then the alcohol comes out. So I said, "Here we go, open house." I knew what that meant. But I was with these guys. I was the youngest guy there. There were only two other friends of mine. Everybody else was back from Eretz Yisrael, and they started to drink. But a strange thing happened. I was used to guys coming and drinking in a certain type of environment, but this was a shabbatik environment, and all of a sudden, the zmiros really took hold. And the guys really started to get into it. And one guy started to cry. How much he misses Eretz Yisrael. He just wants to go back to Eretz Yisrael. He wishes he could go back for a third year. They weren't drunk; they weren't drunk in an inappropriate way. A couple of chaims.

36:41 Which even today, by today's standards, could be very dangerous, but back then, it was still a little different. And I saw, wow, all the things that they were afraid to say. All those, because we were in camp together, I never saw them like this. All of a sudden, they were free; they were loose to say what was really going on for them. Another manaviv got drunk. It wasn't the pshat they got drunk at a party. The pshat is, it allowed for their neshama to truly express what it wanted, which is to return to Hashem. With this in mind, now let's go back to the story of Purim. What's Purim about? Purim is about Klal Yisrael surviving. And yet, the Gemara on Shabbos tells us a little bit of a different story. Really, when the Torah was given the first time, Hashem held the mountain over our head, and he says, 'Accept the Torah, ve'im lo sham tafarsakem.' If you don't accept the Torah, I am going to drop the mountain on your head. What's going to happen? You'll be dead. When did we accept the Torah willingly? Mar says, 'Was on Purim, kimu mashe kiblu kfar.' So then, we accepted it willingly. This is already a strange Gemara. Why? Because we said nasavinishim. What does it mean that we didn't accept the Torah willingly?

37:58 And what does it mean on Purim? Where do we ever see on Purim that now there's a Kabbalas Torah? You should know that it's brought down alavach that Bahag says that Purim is greater because it's like another Kabbalas Torah. Where do we see that? This is an unbelievable Rambam. Unbelievable Rambam. It's worth it to come here tonight just to hear this Rambam. I'm sorry, Skipped. So what does the Rambam pass? And how should you have your perem suda? Should make a nice suda. You should drink until you fall asleep. Does that sound like a holy thing to do? Drink until you pass out. This sounds like kedusha. Can't be, can't be. But that's what the Rambam says: drink until you fall asleep. What does the Rambam mean? The Rambam continues later in the halacha in Yed Zion, and he says, 'Mutav la Adam la Harbos Metanis Ev Yeinim.' It's better for you to give tzedakah on Purim rather than make a nicer suddah. And not to. It's better to spend more money on matanot laevyonim than on your mishloach manos.

39:31 Girls, pay attention because one day you're going to be that mother. That decides that she wants to do that themed basket. It's 150 a basket. I have to give to every mohel and to every rebbe and to every friend on the block. Sacha kol, you end up spending ten thousand dollars. You think that's an exaggeration. There are people that spend ten thousand dollars in mishloach manos. Then when it comes to giving a matanos avyonim, I gave a dollar here, I gave a dollar there. If he didn't give ten dollars, The Rambam is open. Better to give more. I didn't make it up. It's not me. It's not a from thing. It's halacha. Better to give more to matanos avyonim. But then the Rambam says a strange thing: she ain't shams simcha gadayla, because there is no greater simcha. Let's print the Rambam. Because there's no greater beautiful simcha. Rather, what's the greatest simcha? To be to bring simcha to poor people, to orphans, to widows, to converts. Because in that way, you're compared to a kol d'shemarcho. What's the ramon talking about?

40:48 Better that I should give matanos levyanim. Because that brings me simcha. That's the greatest simcha. Be dimel shechina. The Rambam doesn't say that by hilchut sda'ka. He doesn't say that you should do it. It's da'ka matanos avyonah. So comes along the Bab Yerubbi and he says like this. He says, This is kabbalah satyre. Why? Because the Rambam says when does a person get prophecy? You all know this. When you go to sleep. When you go to sleep, that's when you get prophecy. Either at night or if you take a nap during the daytime. Who was the only person who had nevuah during the day when he was awake? It was Moshe Rabbeinu, as Baklari Me'ira, based on the Gemara. He had it even during the daytime. But most neviim. When do they have it? When they're sleeping, says the Rebbe. This is the Kabbalah Satora of Purim. This halacha. It's not the pshat that a person should get drunk until they pass out. They should get drunk. What's the degree of drunkenness that they should have until they reach that bechinah?

41:49 Of shlufdekait, till they're sleeping like when by nevuah. When did we have that, girls? By kabbalas atay. Remember we said before, Hakadosh Baruch Hu came bechvayde vaatzma and gave us the first two aseret adibros, and then we all died because of the kliysh ha nefesh. We couldn't bear to be apart from Him, and who comes and revives us? Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself. So we get drunk to that degree, as we get drunk to the degree that there's a kliysh ha nefesh, and where does that express itself? In falling asleep, memela we understand the special halacha of matanos avyoni. Because regular tzedakah during the year, why do you give tzedakah? You give tzedakah because it's a mitzvah. The rabbi Shalom says to give tzedakah on Purim, which is all about getting to the essence of who you are, getting to the life, not focusing on the existence. We have to be daima leshchina. So just like the shchina comes, where does shchina mingle? Shchina means the indwelling of Hakadosh Baruch Hu in this world. So that's where we are on Purim. We're getting to the essence of Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants us right here, right now. So I'm giving matanah saviyonim. I'm not giving tzedakah like I'm giving the rest of the year.

42:56 Today on Purim, when I give tzedakah, I'm mamish acting like the rebbeinu shalom. It's a whole different type of mitzvah. So that's where you see this concept that the nap of Purim. That a person should fall asleep on Purim. That's mamish like Hakadosh Baruch Hu by matan Torah. So now let's go back to that gemara. So the Gemara says, 'Come, Raba.' Raba got up, Shach thei Ruzera, and he killed Ruzera. So it's not by accident that we're talking about Raba and Ruzera. What does the word Raba mean? Means great. Means big. What does Ruzera mean? What does Zera mean? Also means small. Zera is from Elashan, is small, large and small. So Raba had this bechinah of kloisa nefesh. He knew how to get close to Hakadosh Baruch Hu in this world, but he knew how to hold on to himself. So Raba says to Zeira, "Come to my Purim suva. I want to teach you a new path in service of Hashem." Zeira is from Hashem of small because Rev Zeira was exceptionally humble. That was his path in service of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. He was exceptionally humble. So Rabbah says, "I need to teach you how to go high up."

44:18 So he came, and what did they do on Purim? They didn't get drunk like animals. They didn't act inappropriately on Purim. They got to a state of klois ha nefesh. Come, Rabbah. Rabbah went up, Shachdei of Zera. But of Zera, he got up, but he couldn't hold on to his physical existence. Shachdei, the Gemara says, the halacha is, girls, if you take a knife and you just stab an animal, that's not called shchita. Shchita is from a lashon of mishicha. You need to go back and forth over the two simanim. So he was Moshech Shchita, and Shchita El Losh Mashiach. Raba was Moshech Razera. He pulled him up with him, but what happened? Shachder Razera. He couldn't survive. He got high. He went up to the state of Raba, but he couldn't maintain his existence. He got so close to Hashem, but after that, there was no more Razera. So the next day, Raba comes and he has Tchias Hamesin. Girls, where in this year did we see something that exactly parallels that?

45:19 What is that? Kabbalas Atar. It's exactly parallel to Kabbalas Atar. Just like by Kabbalas Atar, when our Kaddish Baruch Hu came and he gave us the first two dibros himself, but then he had to come and revive us. So too with Rabbi. Rabbi was teaching Rizeira, saying, "Come high," and then he revived him, and then he revived him. Not right away. There was an experience of Eretz Yisrael that he got so close to a Kadosh Barukh Hu that the Gemara says he Mamar died. But then Rabbi brought him back down. So Mameila, we understand why Rabbi did not apologize? Because what was the whole point? Apology. What apology? It's not about a. I didn't do anything wrong. I was teaching you something. Use the era you want to stay here on this earth. But I also need you. I need to teach you how to go up.

46:06 So Mameila, the next year, Rabbi says, 'New, let's do it again.' Let's do it again. What should Rezehir's response have been? Do it again. Are you crazy? Last year you killed me. No. What's Rezehir's response? Rezehir's response is, I would. I'm just afraid that next year you're not going to be able to bring me back down, and I'm afraid to go so high up that I won't be able to serve Hakadosh Baruch Hu down here. Girls, why does Rezehir want to serve Hakadosh Baruch Hu down here? Because that's what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants. Misava Hakadosh Baruch Hu lios lo yos barach dira b'tachtonim. Razair wants to be down here in this world. Rabbi, it's unbelievable that you have the capability of going up to Shamayim and maintaining your kalim so that you don't lose yourself. But for me, I'm afraid to go that high. I could lose my existence. I need my existence in order to serve you.

46:56 Mameila, we can understand one last thing—a very strange halacha brought down in the Ramban. Last halacha. Purim is a nice yomtov. Korim is a nice yamtiv. The Rambam says, "Kol sifrei hanavi v'cholach suve matidim livatal." All of the yamim tovim, everything in the times of Mashiach Ultimately will be nullified. Chutz miMegillas Esther, except for Megillas Esther. V'hareihi kayemes bechamisha chom sheitayra, halacha shel Torah shabal pesha einem b'teilum la'elam. It will be just like the hamisha chumshetayr. How could the Rambam say that Megillah is going to be like hamisha chumshetayr? How could that be? Everything else is going to be batal, except for Megillah Esther. What's the pshat? And not only that, but the Rambam doesn't just say that it's not going to be batal. It's going to be like hamisha chumshetayr.

48:00 So we know that the Gemara says, what does anoychi stand for? When a kaddish baruch who gave the aseret sadebrah, the first word was anoychi. What does anoychi stand for? On the Nashik service, Yehovas God says, "I wrote my essence into the Torah. I gave you the gift of myself. This is why the Torah needs to be read like Hashem's diary. People read the Torah. People read the Torah with biblical criticism, and they read the Torah like it's an intellectual book. It's like reading a diary. When our Kodesh Baruch Hu says Bereishis Bara lekim, how should you read it? You have to read it like you would read a diary. Today I created the world. Today I met Na'ach. Today I met Avram. That's the real way to read the Torah. That's the way the tzaddikim read the Torah. They read the Torah on anach shek sofis yahvis. God wrote His essence into the Torah. That's why Megillas Esther can be like the other hamishu hamshat Torah. It's Torah shabal peh. It's true, but it touches the essence, and ultimately, that's why it's not batal. And all the halachos of Purim, even though the halachos of all the other yamutayvim are not going to be this way, by Purim, it's not batal. Why not? Because la'maisa Purim touches the essence. So for us, what do we walk away with?

49:09 Sometimes it's so hard for us on Purim to really get to that place. It's a little bit easier in Eretz Yisrael. You're surrounded. First of all, we have two days, so you can go one day to Beit Shemesh, one day to Yerushalayim. So you could always see. Mevaseret is a sifek lahalacha, so the boys have to keep two days of Purim. They don't complain. They have to keep two days of Purim. What's the pshat? The pshat is it's not about a costume. Everyone understands that. Not about costume. Nobody really thinks Purim is about a costume. I hope. Purim is about asking yourself, 'Who am I? Who am I really?' Sometimes we put on a mask. Because when we put on a mask, it allows us to really be who we are. L'moshel, sometimes you'll see that a therapist who's working with children gives a child puppets, and when the child is playing with the puppets, what's happening? The child says what they really feel. So my wife told me today, because I'm here, so I'm not home.

50:23 So my two and a half year old daughter Miriam was holding my six week old son Machal, and she was sitting on the couch. She looked at my wife and said, 'Mehal hates Miriam. Mehal does not like Miriam.' What's she really saying? She's saying she doesn't like him, but she can't say that. But she feels this way, and it makes sense because she's two and a half. How could she know any better? And she feels like he's the replacement, and on some level, he is the replacement. And everyone makes a big deal about him because he's a boy. So on some level, she feels a certain way, but she can't say it, so she has to say it in a different type of way. Because what happens, you put a puppet on a child, and what happens? All of a sudden, they start talking about what's really going on. If you ever listen to children while they play, there's something called play therapy. The therapist will get down, and the mom just play with toys, and in the context of playing with the toys, the child will say what they really mean. So when we dress up on Purim, not dressing up on Purim, he who like, if you put on a Superman costume, then you walk around and you're shooting laser beams out of your eyes.

51:25 I was with one of my nephews today. He had his Superman costume and he says he wants to show me the Superman costume that he's got for Purim. And all of a sudden, he's like, five years old, but he's got like six pack of abs and he's walking around. It's okay to have a good time. I was chasing him around the house. It was gishmak. So a little kid thinks I'm Superman, but what does an adult think when they put on a costume? The costume allows us to really be ourselves. That's the insight of Purim. The insight of Purim is to ask ourselves the question of who we are really. But that's not a scary journey. That's the most inspiring journey of all. True freedom, and this is why it's Achonah LaPesach. True freedom is about getting to the truest essence of who we are. So on Pesach we don't have all of that other stuff. We start on Purim. So that by the time we get to Pesach, we're really who we are.

52:15 Mameila, we can understand why Purim is more powerful than Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is only Yom Kippurim, but Purim is it. Because on Yom Kippur you can get tshuva because you got to the essence. On Purim there's no journey to the essence. It's the essence. This is who we are. The clarification of body versus soul. Which one do we choose to be? Will our body support our soul, or will our soul just simply animate our body? Yeratzon L'Tnei Avinu Shabbat Shamayim. We just finished Rosh Chodesh Adar. So it's not even two weeks anymore. It doesn't matter where you are. Be in America, you could be in Europe, you could be in Eretz Yisrael. It's all the same essence. So this year, it's only two weeks. But Yemaisa Mashiach is obviously going to be in two weeks. But don't worry, the Rambam says that won't be battle. So we'll still have Purim even in two weeks. I don't know how to do this. I have to switch. Mr. Tessa, he's still there. Thank you so much for letting us use your home.