Korach - Reviving the Dead: Aharon’s Staff and the Secret of True Leadership

2:40 But really, it's not fair. What did Moshe Rabbeinu do? He put arons in the middle, and when arons blossomed, that's how they knew that aron's staff was really blossoming because Aaron was the leader, and not just because it was closest to the Ark. The obvious question is, what message is the Torah trying to communicate to us? So I want to share with you tonight one last lesson for this year that I hope will be meaningful to you. It goes something like this: What is a staff? Let's think about it deeply for a second. What is a staff? It's a piece of wood. A staff is dead. Why is a staff dead? Because a staff was cut off from its roots. In other words, what's the reason that things grow off of branches? The branch is connected to the roots. The roots are sucking up the nourishment from the soil. When you disconnect the branch, what happens to the branch? The branch dies and it no longer blossoms.

3:42 Here, what's the test? The test is which dead branch will blossom. Which dead branch will blossom? Now let's think about that for a second, girls. Why is that the test of leadership? This is the test that our Kodesh Baruch Hu sets in front of you. And He says, 'How will we know who's a leader? We'll know who's a leader because we're going to see which staff will blossom, or if you want to put it a little bit differently, which staff has the ability to make other people who feel disconnected from their source.' A real leader is somebody who knows how to make that person blossom. In other words, there's a fascinating thing that's in front of us. A leader in Klal Yisrael is not the biggest Talmud Chacham. It's certainly true that a leader in Klal Yisrael ought to be a very big Talmud Chacham, but we could argue that there are bigger Talmidei Chachamim.

4:45 And yet they're not the leaders. Why? Let's think about this imagery that Moshe Rabbeinu is putting in front of us. Step one Closest to the aron, for sure you will blossom Because if you're close to the aron, the shechina enlivens you. You're closest to the roots, so of course you are going to be the one to blossom. But that doesn't make a leader. What does that mean? That means you're a spiritual person. A spiritual person, when they're connected to Hashem, is going to flourish. If you take a dead piece of wood and put it close to the shechina, what's going to happen? That wood is going to blossom and once again bring forth its buds. Says Hakadosh Baruch Hu That's not necessarily what makes you a leader. That'll mean that you can blossom, but what is the raya that you're a leader? The raya that you're a leader is when you stand in the middle of everybody else.

5:42 And what do you do? You sprout then. Now let's think deeply about this image because I want you girls to hear something that I think is very sharp. As a leader in Klal Yisrael What has to make you come alive is not your own spirituality. That's not what makes a leader in Klal Yisrael. A leader in Klal Yisrael is I come alive. When I'm connected to the tzibur, here you have a dead piece of wood. If you take a dead piece of wood, you bring it close to the shkina. What's going to happen? It's going to be porach. But does that make you a leader? No. How do you know if you're a leader? If you're a leader and coming close to people is what inspires you to come close to Hashem, if that's what inspires you, my rebbe said a very deep thing many years ago. My rebbe was talking. My rebbe was very nervous about boys going into chinuch, because he said, if you go into chinuch because you wanna be like a good Jew, the problem is chinuch doesn't necessarily pay any money.

6:55 And sometimes what happens is that somebody goes into chinuch and now they're having trouble paying their bills and they get resentful. So my Rebbe had a klal Who's allowed to go into chinuch? You're only allowed to go into chinuch if you can't imagine yourself doing anything else. That was my Rebbe's lashon. If you can't imagine doing anything else, then you go into chinuch. I asked myself that question when I was a kid. I said, "Could I imagine doing anything else?" And I thought to myself, like every good Jew, "I'll go into business. I'll go into real estate. Maybe I'll own some nursing homes. Take advantage of some old people. Everyone has their thing that they want to do to make some money." And I thought to myself, I think I'd be miserable. There are certain people that are miserable. If you put them in front of a computer, some people are very happy. Some people are very happy to be an accountant. I would have been miserable to do those things.

7:44 If you want to be a leader in kollel, you have to love people. It has to make you come alive. Have you ever had a teacher in high school or elementary school who was burnt out? Some of you know what I'm talking about. You know the people that show up to work and they look like they don't want to be there dealing with you. You know the teachers that mutter in the teachers' room like, I can't deal with these rotten kids anymore. They have a very jaded look. They're very negative people. If you don't come alive from being close to Jews, you're not a leader. A leader is somebody who loves being around people. Now the question is why? Why is that the true test? I would have thought, and I think this is a legitimate question. Why don't we put up the biggest talmidei chachamim in front of you girls? Why don't we put up big people, very big people, people who know a tremendous amount of Torah. Why aren't they the ones that are running everything? And no doubt, the people that are running things know a lot of Torah. But there's for sure people that know a lot more Torah than us.

8:41 Because they can't relate. So the easy answer to that question is because you have to be able to relate to the people. And I think there's a lot of truth to that, but I think there's a deeper reason. I think that's a very good answer. It's a good start. But at the end of the day, maybe you'll say, okay, so they can't relate. The truth is, I want to tell you something. Growing up, my Rebbeim couldn't relate to me. Not at all. And I never, in a million years, in the 90s, would have imagined talking to my rebbeim. I didn't talk to my rebbeim. Why would I talk to them? They were what we call in Hebrew a dugmaishit. They were role models. They were big people, and I looked up to them. But I wasn't going to talk to my rebbe about the things I was struggling with because my rebbe was a malach. He was a tremendous person, and I was very lucky. I had in elementary school rebbeim that I could mamish look up to. So it's good to be able to relate to your rebbeim. But maybe who cares? Maybe so you won't relate to your bayim. We'll keep the standard very high, and you'll look up to big people. And maybe we'll make big people like that. I think it's even true.

9:36 But I still think there's a chisaron in your leadership. So I want to share with you something. I think you'll like it. I know specifically you'll like this, but I think you'll like it in general. It goes like this: People need a certain type of presence. To allow growth to emerge People need a certain type of presence to allow growth to emerge. Why? Because what does it mean to be dead? What does it mean to be spiritually dead? What does it mean to be cut off from your source? It's easy to think of it in physical imagery. That root and that branch are severed from one another. What does it mean that a person is dead? So that's a symptom of it. But I'll tell you what I think it is on a deep level. Because I'm so ashamed of who I am I armor up And I say I'm out.

10:36 In other words, I think all of us on a certain level are going through this. We're all armored up. It's very difficult to deal with failure if you think that failure means you're unworthy of love and connection. And that's why we stop growing. We stop growing not because growth isn't important, but because growth requires failure, and for some of us, failure is shame. Shame means I'm unworthy of love and connection. So instead of growing, I just armor up and I go. I don't care. That's what it means to die spiritually. See, it's actually okay to fail all the time. If we really knew what failure is, we would be okay with failure, because I'd be like, okay, we say this, I failed. But that's like saying, imagine I don't get up to play. I don't know if you know what baseball is at all. Let's say Imagine if I can't get up to the plate because I can't strike out. If you can't strike out, or if you don't know how to strike out, then you have no chance of hitting a home run.

11:32 Because if you get up to the plate and you're like, I'm going to strike out, so then say there, so then don't get up to the plate. And if you don't get up to the plate, you'll never hit a home run. There's nothing wrong with failing. There's nothing even wrong with failing repeatedly. The problem is when you stop getting up to the plate because you're afraid of failure. The truth is. At some point The athletics are basically the same, and the difference between the winners and the losers is mentality. If your mentality is I can never miss a shot, then you will never take a shot, and if you don't take a shot, you'll never be great. If you hesitate to shoot the ball when you're open because you're afraid to miss, then you're never going to hit a shot. You don't belong on the court. You have to be such in a certain way. You have to be arrogant enough to believe I deserve to be on the court, even though I'm going to miss. And that's why the great players get up in the NBA championship, and maybe they'll only shoot 34 from the field. That's right, Nixon Four. Are you a Knicks fan? Are you a Spurs fan?

12:32 Good. You had a look on your face like you're a Spurs fan. I was going to have to ask you to leave the shirt. The and I'm only partially joking. If you're it doesn't matter if you're not shooting well if you believe you're the best person to be on the court you have to be on the court does that make sense? So why do we stop growing? Because to us and this is a great lesson for us as people leaving seminary if you think like and this always that question like how do I keep strong after sem? The answer is I don't know. Maybe you won't maybe you'll fall but what's the problem with failure? Means you're in the game. Failure means that you're vulnerable enough to experience that failure and say I'm gonna stay in the game. There's nothing wrong with failure. The problem with failure is if I am ashamed to fail, then I'm gonna armor up and I'm gonna say fine, so I don't care. What do you do when somebody reaches that level? What do you do when you reach the level of okay, so I'm out?

13:28 How does somebody, so to speak, create a tchiyasa mesam? How do you go over to a girl who's let's say totally some burnt out girl from wherever and she's like, I'm disinterested. I'm done. How do you help that girl? You know what the answer is. It requires a certain type of presence. Now the question is, what type of presence does it require? So the answer to this question is as follows. You need somebody who really is willing to love you unconditionally. You need someone who just appreciates being in your presence. Have you girls ever heard of Carl Rogers? Nobody here into psychology. You've heard of Carl Rogers. Carl Rogers was a therapist. If you ever have the opportunity, if you want to do a little bit of a geshmak thing on YouTube, type in Carl Rogers. They videoed and recorded his sessions, so you could see how he would run a session. He was an amazing therapist. The thing about Carl Rogers is he had something called unconditional positive regard. Have you ever heard that terminology before?

14:34 Unconditional positive regard means he just looked at you and was able to see your beauty. No matter what you were going through. Have you ever met somebody like that in your life? That no matter what you're going through, they just see you as beautiful. And even when you admit to them the most painful things that you've done, they're still able to see you as beautiful. If you've ever met someone like that in your life, you know that person. They know how to be mechayimaisin. Just to be in their presence. You have someone. It sounds like you have someone very special in mind: a teacher, a parent, a friend. You're not going to say any details. Good, I'm with you. But isn't it a gift that you have someone like that in your life that you can tell them anything? That's called the antidote to shame. That's the type of presence that it takes to have real tchiasamisef. It means as follows: Put me in the middle.

15:25 Show me the center, show me who you really are, because that's where I come alive. I come alive in your presence, and you know what happens if I come alive in your presence? You also come alive in mine. If I genuinely love sitting with you And you can be your absolute self, that makes me the Rebbe come alive. And if that makes me the Rebbe come alive, what does it do to you? That makes you come alive as well. Throughout the midbar stuff, Moshe, when they knew this, in Israel's theater, obviously he loved them and positioned them. You see that portion stuff, with him talking to every single person in Israel. Yeah, you know, When you are a root neshama like Aaron Akowin What you find is that you have an infinite amount of love for an infinite amount of people. I'll share with you what I mean.

16:25 You won't really understand this until you're a parent yourself. It turns out that no matter how many children you have, and no matter how many grandchildren you have. It just doesn't run out. It's like a candle. And actually, you could bring. I've seen this myself with big people. I saw a certain gadol last week. Last, last week In the beginning of the week, I went with a friend of mine who's going through Gehennah Mamish. He's going through terrible pain for whatever reason. We went to a gadol together. And here's a gadol who knows he doesn't know my friend from a hole in the wall. But he literally cried with my friend. And I said I called my wife up and I said I found the real gadol because I'm not jaded, I'm cynical. I've seen too many people that pretend to be gadolim but they're not.

17:14 He was a real gadol. You know how I know because he cried with my friend. We think these people are like I could never do that. You can. It's just you have to be so deeply connected to yourself that when you meet someone else you realize that's just another branch on the same tree. That's what it means to be a real gadol. I don't think I could do that, but that's what a real gadol does. And it's not just that he's willing. I'm willing to see your broken parts and see them as beautiful. You don't need to armor up in my presence. You don't have anything to be ashamed of. I have a small. Where do we see that in the Torah with Aaron? The fact that Aaron Akom was Ov Shalom, Verode Shalom, Ov Masabriosu Makarv Latora. He just loved people. He loved, and that's Daf Gawai, his staff. It is in the center of all the other staffs. What makes Aaron great is not that he was the closest to the Aaron. For sure, Aaron would have come alive by being close to Hashem. But where do you see that? Not from being close to the Aaron, from being close to the people. That's where he comes alive, and that's why people come alive in his presence.

18:12 Wasn't Moshe also the leader? For sure, this is a different type of leader. This is what it means to be a Cohen. Moshe is not the type of leader that has positive regard. It's again, I don't want to contrast Moshe and Aaron to say what Moshe doesn't have. Let's just focus on what Aaron does have. Aaron, different than Moshe is not necessarily. There's two types of rebbeim. There's a rebbe that gives you mussar from a place of love, and there's a rebbe that gives you love from a place of love. Aaron Akoin was more the love from the place of love. Moshe Rabbeinu said some of the harder things, not because Chassid Sholmi didn't love them, different type. Aaron, Moshe Rabbeinu, perhaps comes alive again. Not Chaschom to say he doesn't have the Aaronic coin piece. I'm only saying the positive. The nature of Kohuna, the nature of what it means to be a Cohen, to be a priest, is to come close to people. That's the job.

19:06 If Aaron connected to the people so much and they felt it, and he had unconditional love for them, and the people of Israel felt that. Why didn't they listen to him when he told them not to do the chet? So it's very interesting thing. You're saying such a deep Torah, and it's a perfect segue to the next thing that I want to say. It's actually just the opposite. Arna Cohen Chor died. When they came to Chor and said make an egl, he said absolutely not, and they killed him. So if you look carefully, what Arna Cohen did is he said, I see they're so afraid, and I see their mamish collapsing. So I'm just gonna schlep it out so that they're gonna see that Moshe Rabbeinu came down and it's gonna wipe away by itself. But he saw that the people were so terrified. The thing about Irony Cohen is when he sees that people are so terrified, he doesn't just stand up against them. He tries to work from within the system. Let me get out this point because I think it's gonna make it a little bit clearer to you.

20:07 People need leaders who will not collapse. When they face our worst parts And the only way that they can do that for us is if they can do that for themselves. I want to explain what I mean. You ever have You ever have somebody in your life who came to share something with you, and you're like, "Whoa, you're sick." Like you don't say it out loud, but in your heart, you're like, "No, you're sick, right?" And if you've had that, you should know. While that's understandable. It's not that they're sick. It's really that I can't do it for myself. A person who's looked at themselves very carefully and they've looked at their shadow parts And they've worked on themselves to the degree that they're no longer ashamed of themselves. Those are the people that know how to sit with somebody else and have that presence. But if you've not worked on yourself, if you're still collapsing in front of your own shadow parts, because you're still deeply ashamed of yourself, that's why we have trouble listening to others and creating a space for them where they can grow. Because even somewhere deep inside of us, even if you don't say it out loud, you can tell the difference. You can tell when you're sitting with somebody and you're like You tell them something and they go

21:29 "Okay," you know. I'm saying you know, like they get that. I had a many years ago a tzaddik, a real tzaddik, a special, special person. He was when I was in yeshiva. There were boys a couple years younger than me. When I was shanabet, these guys were shanalef. These three guys were pasha psychotic. Today they're big bnei torah, but back then these three guys were pasha psychotic, and they gave these three guys this madrich who was a tzaddik to sit with them, and he would sit with them right in back of my makom. These guys played a game. They would literally tell him the worst averas that they've done. Here's you imagine like one of these like tzaddik like he's a real tzaddik of a guy you know I'm talking about like hands clasped you know like edel meidel like hunched shoulders and he'd be like hey guys how's it going they're like last night we went to town you know and then they would like tell him like the craziest thing and I'd be sitting there trying to learn but I'd be obviously not learning because I was listening to them and this guy every single day they were all three thrown out of yeshiva within a month and baruch Hashem all three became very big bnei Torah.

22:35 In their own ways Two out of three became revealed. Benatar, one of them is still a concealed tzaddik, but I know he's a tzaddik. The but this madrich, he would sit there with them and he would go like this: "Hashem yirachim." He was like davening for them, Hashem yirachim. And I remember thinking to myself, like he's really legitimately shocked by them. I wasn't shocked by them. They would come back at night. They would tell me exactly where they've been. I wasn't shocked because I was like, okay, say they've seen this show before. This guy was mammoth shocked by them. And I, in a certain way, he did an amazing job with them. But in a certain way, I think when he was saying Hashem Yirachem, it probably wasn't. They loved him. There was something a little bit A little bit judgmental about that Hashem Yirachem. He wasn't a judgmental person, not even a little bit. But you know, there's something like it wasn't curious. It was much more like whoa! May God have mercy on you, for the things that you're doing. And he was he wasn't saying like Hashem Yirachim like that. He was just legitimately shocked. But what would it look like to be able to say okay, let's explore that.

23:43 Why did you do that? What was going on for you? Without any judgment, just help me understand. Where were you? The only way you can do that is if you've really looked deeply into yourself. The godless of Arna Cohen. And I don't think we talk about this enough. The godless of Arna Cohen is not that he was a tzaddik. If you are going to be somebody who's Ovei Shalom, Verodei Shalom, Ovei Masabrio, So Makarv on the Torah, if you are going to love peace and chase peace and love people, to be peace, to be at peace means you are totally integrated. Meaning that whatever shadow parts you have inside of yourself, you've already integrated them into your being, so you are able to sit with people that are unintegrated. Because you yourself have worked so much to integrate your own parts, it's Ov Shalom Ver Ode Shalom. Doesn't just mean that Aaron Cohen. Perhaps we could say it doesn't just mean that he chased after people to love them. He deeply was integrated. He was a person of Shalom. He saw Shalom outside of himself because he saw Shalom inside of himself. He created a presence outside of himself because he created a presence inside of himself.

24:51 So it's not like it was artificial. It's not like you came to Aaron Cohen and he was like, okay. Here's my Kiruv project, and he put on his inner Rabbi Kalish heart, and he wore his Rabbi Fisher mask. Right? And now he was like sitting down, and he was like a guy comes to sit with him, and he's like, "Hey, brother, how you doing? It's so good to. I just can't wait to sit down with you and listen to everything." And you're like, "No, it wasn't a show. It was who he was. Since he was Bishalom, when you were in his aura, serious dadler. I just learned dad lore today. The lore. Dadler is a different word. Dad lore, yeah. It's dad lore that I know these words like aura. So in the aura of Aaron Acowin Thank you Daniel for teaching me dad lore. The when you're in Aaron Acowin's aura, it's crazy. When you're in Aaron Acowin's aura, you feel that way because he's that way.

25:55 It's you can't fake it. That line. The only thing you can't fake is authenticity. You know what I am talking about. You know that there are certain rebbeim that they like. They put on the act of loving every single kid. They don't actually And you can tell the difference. I know someone who's a well known Jewish personality. It's obvious that he's worked on himself tremendously. It's obvious when you listen to his shirim. You can see he's a person of tremendous growth from the way that he speaks. It's not an accident that people have grown so much from him. It's because he grew within himself. That's the special thing. He's a person of shalom since he's a person. Why didn't you say his name? I'm not sure. Even though there is such a thing Like of just saying positive today. Again, the Chabad Chaim writes that even sometimes say something positive could be lashon hara. Because then people could say, "Oh, I don't know, I didn't like your shir and burger." Like I don't want people, if I glaze too much, so then people are gonna like deglaze. You know what I'm saying?

26:58 It's heavy. It's heavy today. It's the last year of the year. I gotta get all my rizz out. It's serious. D one aura. I think. What did you say? I have to learn this word. What did you say? What's the mag? Teach me your wisdom. M O G. What does it come from? Say it. Say it. Don't. We're gonna have to do a whole shir after this, not recorded, so that the entire world doesn't know that I'm Barmeriam. I'm learning all these brain hot words. But I want you to teach me after shir. So. Because I got to stay relevant for the kids. Because you know I'm not that Rebbe. If I was Major Talmud Chacham, then maybe not. But the I think the tir is like this. If you really want to be a leader, if you really want to make an impact You have to work on yourself to be a person who's totally integrated, who stared at his or her shadow parts to integrate those parts of yourself that you really don't like.

28:19 To take down your own shame To have a level of self acceptance so that you are at peace with yourself, so that in your presence, people who have walked away from growth because they were ashamed of their own failures, so they walked away from growth because that was their way of armoring up against the vulnerability of failure. In your presence, they revitalize themselves, they reanimate, they begin to flourish, they bud themselves because. They feel safe enough to do so. That's what real leadership is. Real leadership is. I'm okay, so in my presence you can actually feel okay to be yourself too. Do you think not armoring up can sometimes lead to going down? Not even. I'll tell you what. I think that when people stop armoring up, there could be a period where they take one step back, but I think in the long term they're going to take ten steps forward.

29:19 I think there are exceptions to every rule, but I think I know for myself that sometimes I maintained a certain level because I was armored up, but I was also capped at that level. Cap, not like no cap, like capped like out of ceiling. The because was that you got that? Is a new word for me also. Together we'll learn. The because at a certain point you're like. You're stuck at that level because you can't go down, but you also can't go up. Because you're not free to actually grow. In a certain way, you're walking, but you're the walking dead. Like nowadays, a leader or mentor puts up a kind of front, they look a certain way, so the people need more, kind of run the opposite direction. That's right. If you're fronting, it's not gonna. It's no, like even a girl who's dressing like a mentor who's dressing to you, and they see this girl, they're gonna run in the opposite direction. To how can we get them to come to you.

30:21 I want to tell you a beautiful story. Have you ever heard of the camp Sternberg? Camp Sternberg was founded by a guy whose name was Rabbi Ronnie Greenwald. Ronnie Greenwald was a special person. I read in his art scroll biography. And it's one of the true art school biographies. The stories in there, like all people that my wife knows, she grew up in Sternberg, is a story that he was involved in Rabbi Wallerstein's high school. And the principal of the school was a Sternberg person. She was very close with Rabbi Greenwald. And he walked into her office and she was shaken because an old teacher in the school had said to her that she was walking in the streets of Brooklyn and she saw these girls who were in Ornavo. And she said you got to get these girls out of town because they're sitting there not sneha smoking whatever they're doing and you got to get them out of town. The principal said I don't know, I think we're working with them. She said yeah, but it hurts me to look at them. You got to get them out of here. The principal was very shaken. Then Ronny Greenwald walked into her office and she told him this story. Ronny Greenwald said call that teacher back and tell her it also hurts me to look at them. But I can't look away.

31:37 That's a very big Torah of leadership. I can look at someone in pain, and because I'm so tsneis, to see you not tsneis is painful for me. But I don't look away because I'm okay with myself and my shadow parts. I'm okay with your shadow parts, and you'll grow just from being in my presence because I'm not afraid to look at you, and I'm not going to look away. And I think you're right. A lot of times, people have reached a level where it makes them. Almost in a certain sense, I can't get down into the mud. The higher the tzaddik, the lower down they're interested in going. The Balshemtov was interested in the lowest people. That was the chiddush of the Balshemtov, because the Balshemtov said if the light is infinite, it'll never be afraid of the darkness, no matter how dark the darkness is. And I think the bigger the tzaddik, the more connected they are, not the less connected. Does that make sense?

32:27 Yeah. Like you have to, in order to be a real leader and make impact, you have to like integrate the parts of you. Accept that part of you, but how do you get over the guilt and shame of the stuff that you did before that you couldn't integrate? So I think you're saying that so beautifully, but I would just tweak one word. There's nothing wrong with guilt. But there is something wrong with shame. Shame is I'm unworthy of love and connection because of my behavior Shame won't help you grow. But guilt is exactly the opposite. Guilt feels unaligned. It feels like this is not me. It's like the rumble strips on the side of the highway, like when you're driving. And it just reminds you to straighten out. Guilt is healthy. Regret is healthy too, because it's like that behavior was beneath my dignity. I don't want to be that person. When you look at that shadow part of yourself, maybe you look at your past actions. The healthy leader is not afraid to admit their mistakes. They're not afraid to acknowledge the pain they were in that caused them to make those mistakes.

33:29 They're not afraid to look at that part because they know that part, ultimately, when they integrate it, is going to make them better. And that's really what guilt is. Guilt is like, ooh, that wasn't so good, but it actually inspires me to use that energy in a completely different way. And so I think the split here would be shame and guilt. Shame is going to pull you down, but guilt is going to raise you up. But not guilt—that's shame. A lot of times people use that word, and what they think guilt means shame. They're like, Jewish guilt. Jewish guilt is very healthy.

33:57 And that's what bousha really is. By us, bousha is that behavior is beneath my dignity. I don't want to do that. I'd be embarrassed to do that. It's like imagine if somebody actually saw me doing it. I'd be like, I don't want them to think of me that way because I'm much bigger than that. You understand the difference? So the tzaddik who has the ability to grow is bishalom with himself because he has been willing to look at the mistakes that he makes. He's the ultimate bal tshuva in a certain sense because he's not afraid. To say this part of me needs to be integrated into my being because he's not afraid of that in himself. He's not afraid of that in another and that's why just being in his presence makes you want to be a better person. It reanimates you. The person that gave up on themselves says, why should I give up on myself? What about whenever people are comfortable when they come to and say whatever that's really below you but they're not looking for advice, especially when I'm going back home to guys that aren't on the same moral compass as mine.

34:52 They're still good people. I'd still be with them, but if they share things with me because they feel so connected with me, how do I not pull myself up? Do you think I should say something? I think in general we don't have to say something. I think in a general sense people aren't coming to us for advice. I think you're right. I think when we're so safe And if you're that type of person, then that clearly says a lot about you that people are just willing to open up to you. I think if you can see their beauty naturally, and they see you for who you are, and they're inspired by the life that you're leading, then naturally they'll start to be curious about what it is that makes you this person. I actually think that most of the time, muster doesn't work. And the real people in my life, at least, that inspired me never gave muster. I was just so inspired by them that I was like, what do you got? What's your secret sauce? And then Mameila, you end up being the best version of yourself because in their presence, it gives you permission.

35:47 So I'm not a big believer in giving Moser. Again, sometimes people ask, but most of the time, I don't think it works. One last thing, I just want to say one last thing to finish off this year. Let's go back to the beginning of the parsha for a second. What was Korach all about? It says, 'Vayikach Korach.' Korach was a taker, right? And what did he want? He wanted to be the leader. He wanted to be on top. And he said, 'Everybody is kadosh. Everybody is holy.' So who are you to put yourself above everybody else? But what was he? What did he really want? He said, "I really want to be above everybody else." So it's an interesting thing. Does Judaism believe in hierarchies or not? So I would say as follows: Korach argued that there should be no hierarchies. But really, what was he saying? I should be. But really, there should be no hierarchies, but it should be me. That's like communism, right? Everybody should be equal, but I should be the leader of the equal people to be able to take advantage of them.

36:46 In Judaism, we believe that a true leader earns their place above the people by carrying the burden of the people when you stand with them. There is such a thing as a leader, and there is such a thing as someone who stands above. They don't stand above because they're better. They stand above because they're the ones that are willing to stand within. There has to be somebody at the top leading the pack. There has to be somebody that inspires us to be better, somebody that we look up to, and they say, "I'm following their lead." And they do stand head and shoulders above the rest of us. But they don't stand head and shoulders above the rest of us because they put themselves there. We put them there. Where do they stand? With us, in the middle, in the core, in our worst moments, they're the ones that look at our center and say, 'He's amazing. She's amazing. Don't you see how beautiful they are? Don't you see their neshama?' So by us, we have leaders. We do. We have leaders that we look up to. We have leaders that we follow their guidance. We have leaders that we look to in difficult times, but they're not leaders because they put themselves above us. They're leaders because we put them above us. And where did they put themselves? They didn't put themselves closest to the Aron.

37:54 Those people are great people too. But they're not our leaders. They're the ones that stood with us, and they're mamish in the center. I think that we have a tremendous opportunity. All of you, Bez Hashem, are going to be ambassadors of love and light in this world. To be able to go out into the world and to be that presence that elevates and inspires people to be the best version of themselves. The work is not to become a kira professional. The work is to work on yourself. Stand among the people. Be b'shalom in yourself. Spread that shalom to others. Raise other people up. If you love people, then you blossom when you're with them. And if you blossom when you're with them, then Bez Hashem, they'll blossom with it when they're with you, and that will ultimately bring them closer to our Kadosh Baruch Hu. Girls, one last time Have a beautiful Shabbos.