Chayei Sarah – The Years We Leave Out

Sometimes we look back at a difficult period in our lives and feel that our real life
began only after that period ended. Once we left that school, got out of that
relationship, or found our way out of an environment where we never felt accepted,
we could finally begin becoming the person we wanted to be.
We may be grateful for how far we have come but we have a much harder time looking at the person we
were during those years. We remember how badly we wanted to belong, what we tolerated, and the
choices we made. Somewhere inside of ourselves there is a voice that says, “I can’t believe I was like that.”
Those years are part of our history, but we struggle to give them a place in the narrative of our life. What
could they possibly have to do with our relationship with Hashem now?
הָרָׂש יֵּיַח יֵנשְׁ יםִנשָׁ עַבֶׁשְו הָנשָׁ יםִרְׂשֶעְו הָנשָׁ הָאֵמ הָרָׂש יֵּיַחּ ויְהִּיַו
“And Sarah’s life was a hundred years and twenty years and seven years; the years of Sarah’s life.”
B E R E I S H I S 2 3 : 1
The way the Torah counts Sarah’s years is unusual. Why separate a hundred, twenty, and seven? And
after finishing the count, why repeat shnei chayei Sarah, the years of Sarah’s life?
W E E K L Y D V A R T O R A H • C H A Y E I S A R A H
The Years
We Leave Out
4 G S E N I O R M E C H A N E C H
Rav Mordechai Burg
4 G · N A T I O N A L T O R A H N E W S L E T T E R · C H A Y E I S A R A H
הָ בֹ וטְ ל יןִ וָׁ ש ןָּ לֻּ כ
"All of them were equally good."
R A S H I , B E R E I S H I S 2 3 : 1
1

Rashi explains that each grouping teaches us something about Sarah. At a hundred she was as free of
sin as she had been at twenty, and at twenty she was like seven in beauty. On the final words, he adds:
הָבֹוטְל יןִושָׁ ןָּלֻּכ
“All of them were equally good.”
R A S H I , B E R E I S H I S 2 3 : 1
How can that be? Sarah endured famine. She was taken into Pharaoh’s house and later Avimelech’s. She
spent decades longing for a child. Surely the years before Yitzchak was born were different from the
years when she could hold him.
The Sfas Emes explains that Sarah Imeinu embodied the quality of hishtavus, remaining wholehearted
through changing circumstances. He describes Sarah’s early suffering and the abundance she
experienced later, and writes:
הֶּלֵאָה יםִיּונּשִַּׁה לָכְּב יּונּשִׁ םּושׁ ּ הָּב הָׂשֲעַנ אֹלְו
“All these changes produced no change in her.”
S F A S E M E S , C H A Y E I S A R A H
The Sfas Emes is speaking about her temimus, her wholehearted devotion to Hashem. Throughout all of
the varied experiences of her life, the ups and the downs, she served Hashem faithfully. When Rashi calls
all her years good, the Sfas Emes understands that goodness as referring to her ability to have a
meaningful relationship with Hashem no matter what she was going through.
This is something we can easily overlook in our own lives. We know how to recognize the value of having
overcome a struggle. It is significantly harder to recognize that we had a life while we were still struggling.
The Medrash (Bereishis Rabbah 58:1) introduces Sarah’s life with a pasuk from Tehillim: םִמיִמְת יֵמְי ה׳ ַ עֵדֹוי
הֶיְהִּת םָלֹועְל םָתָלֲחַנְו. “Hashem knows the days of the wholehearted, and their inheritance will endure forever.”
(Tehillim 37:18) The Medrash comments, יםִמיִמְּת םָתֹונְׁש ְ ךָּכ יםִמיִמְּת ןֵהֶׁש םֵׁשְּכ, just as they are whole, so their years
are whole. But what does the Medrash mean when it says that Sarah’s years were whole? How do years
filled with such different experiences come together to form one life?
The Sfas Emes compares this to the different limbs of a body. A hand and an eye perform entirely
different functions, but both receive life from the same neshama. That shared source of life makes them
parts of one person. He describes םָדָאָה יֵרְביֵא ״חַמְר לָכְל יםִּיַח תֶנֶתֹוּנַה תּוּיִמיִנְּפַה הָדּוקְּנַה, the inner point that gives life
to all 248 limbs, where דָחֶא תּודְחַאְּב םֵה, they are one unity.
Similarly, Sarah’s years were connected by her devotion to Hashem. Each stage asked something
different of her, but through all of them she was serving the same Hashem.
4 G · N A T I O N A L T O R A H N E W S L E T T E R · C H A Y E I S A R A H 2

תּוכָּיַׁשְו תּויקֵבְּד םֶהָל ׁ שֵי הָנשַָּׁה יֵמְי םַּג יִּכ יםִמיִמְּת םֶהיֵתֹונשְׁ ןֵכ ֹ ומְכּו
“Similarly, their years are whole, because the days of the year also have connection and relationship.”
S F A S E M E S , C H A Y E I S A R A H
Just as the different limbs are expressions of one life, Sarah’s different years were expressions of one
relationship with Hashem. During the years of waiting, she served Him through her longing and tefillah.
After Yitzchak was born, she served Him through raising her son. What she was being asked to do
changed, but each stage gave expression to the same devotion. The years before Yitzchak’s birth were
therefore as much a part of her life with Hashem as the years that followed. Different circumstances
called for different avodah, but all of it belonged to one life of Avodas Hashem.
Our own years have not all reflected Sarah’s wholehearted devotion. Some include choices we regret
and things we need to repair. But how do we approach those years today? Can we bring them into our
relationship with Hashem through understanding what happened, grieving what hurt, and doing
teshuvah for what needs repair? Can we recognize that all of our history is part of our one life?
Imagine someone remembering a year in school when he laughed along as other children were being
hurt. He wanted the right people to like him and was afraid of losing his place. He would never behave
that way now, but remembering it still fills him with disgust. “I was pathetic.”
If a child came to him with the same story, he would meet that child with compassion. He would help the
child understand the harm he had caused and his responsibility to make amends, but at the same time
he would also help the child understand the loneliness and the fear that made acceptance