Naso - A Lack of Faith, an Abundance of Control

2:18 But girls, the kohen does a lot of things in the Beis Hamikdash. So it's very interesting. The Maral says that of all the things that he needs to go to the Cohen for, he specifically goes to the Cohen for the Ishasota process and not anything else. The question is why? Why does he have to go because of Sota? The Cohen does a lot of things in the base of Megdush. If the point was that he neglected the Cohen in some way and now we need him to face the Cohen, why does it specifically happen through the Ishasota? That's the first question. And the second question is It seems a little bit random. He refuses to give truma to the kohen, and therefore what? And therefore his wife potentially is not being faithful to him. Do you see that those two things don't necessarily go together?

3:12 So the maral asks these two questions. Number one The kohen does lots of things in the base of mikdash. If he's confronting the kohen, why does a dafka need to be through isha sota? And number two Of all the things that happen to a person Because I didn't give truma So now my wife becomes unfaithful. What's the pshat here? So I want to share with you a pshat. The first question is the kohen does many things. Why does the confrontation with the kohen need to come through isha sota? The kohen does many things in the basement. Me, I didn't give truma to the kohen, so now. He's going to confront the Cohen in some way, and the way that he confronts the Cohen is through the isha sota. Why the isha sota? Rav Zweig says a beautiful answer. I want to share with you his answer, and then I want to use his answer to have a really different conversation.

4:05 Rav Zweig says as follows: a brilliant psychological answer. There's a big difference between someone who is not machped on truma. And between someone who refuses to give tzedakah, those are not the same thing. L'mashal There are people that are more machbid and less machbid on giving tzedakah We're supposed to give at least a tenth of our earnings to tzedakah. There are people that are very machbid on this; they create a separate bank account. As soon as any money comes into their bank account, ten percent immediately goes off into the new bank account, and they give meiser. Some people are machbid; some people are not as machbit and don't give as much to the doctor as they should. That's not what we're speaking about here. We're not speaking about a guy that when he gets his produce, he doesn't take off the necessary amount for the kohen.

5:00 This guy takes it off. He's machbit on Shulma. The difference is he refuses to give it to the kohen. You hear the difference? That's a very big difference. It's a. It's not. I don't keep the halach. I keep the halach. I take off truma, but I don't give it to the kohen. Why does he refuse to give it to the kohen? What's so significant about the fact that he refuses to give it to the kohen? What's his motivation? If you already took off the truma, so why are you holding it? And here, of Zwei, gives an unbelievable answer. He says it's all about control. It's all about controlling another person. Sometimes a person they like. Having the ability to hold something over another's head is a powerful feeling that comes with that. It's like you, the kohen, you don't have any parnasa of your own. So how does the kohen survive?

5:54 The kohen survives because he gets the truma from others. That's how he survives. So now, when I'm sitting there and I've got the truma right next to me, and the kohen comes and he says, 'Can I have my truma? What do I have?' I have power over. I have control over him. Your life, to a certain extent It's in my hands. I've got you right where I want to. And I say to you, no You can't have this, Truma. That's control. Says Reb Zwi. This is a brilliant answer. What's it like to be married to somebody like that? What's it like to be married to somebody who's controlling? What's it like to be married to somebody who has power over another They go, "Awesome, now I've got you right where I want you." " Oh, makes them want to run away. It would make them want to run away.

6:48 It would make them want to say, "The last place that I feel safe is here with you." And human beings naturally gravitate towards the sunlight. Just like a tree, when it's growing, naturally gravitates towards that which gives it nourishment. Human beings naturally gravitate towards that which is safe and away from that which is unsafe. For example A child. But before we get into marriage, let's talk about children. Why do children lie to their parents, who love them, who give them everything, who feed them? Who houses them? Who buys them their clothing? Who sends them to camp? Who sends them to seminary? But if I have the opportunity to betray my parents and their values and go with my friends, I might go with my friends. Why is that? Why would you do that? The answer is because my friends provide me a level of safety that my parents may not provide me.

7:53 That's why the key when it comes to parenting is that our children should feel safe in our home. You walk into your house and your parents are there to greet you with a smile. That's why the worst thing we can do as parents is when our kids walk in. The worst thing we can say is, "What do you have for homework?" Because school was already not so safe. Now when I walk into the house, if I make my house an extension of school, what happens? My home is unsafe too. It's not even such a good idea to ask your kid, "How was your day?" Because then what do they have to reflect on? Where did they just come from? I just came from school. What's a great question to ask your kids when they walk in the door? How are you? You hear the difference. It's a very subtle difference. But with our children, the key is to create safety. If my parents are constantly yelling at me I don't feel safe in my home at all. And it might very well be that I feel my parents love me. But I don't necessarily feel safe, and because I don't feel safe, what might I do?

8:57 I might betray my parents because my friends provide a level of safety for me that I am not necessarily feeling at home. Safety is key. If it's true of children It's certainly true of spouses. Man walks into his home. And his wife doesn't greet him with a smile. And his wife doesn't say a pleasant shalom aleichem. How does he feel when he walks in the door? It's not nice. Guy just spent an entire day working. He wants to walk in the house and he wants to feel there's somebody here who genuinely cares, mommy. How are you? How was your day? What does a wife feel if a husband walks in the door and just dumps his stuff and goes to the couch and doesn't bother to ask her how her day was? She feels unsafe. If you compound that by adding in a controlling husband, it's even worse because none of us want to feel controlled.

10:01 None of us want to feel like I am not in charge of myself. And when confronted with a jealous husband A woman's natural response is going to be: 'This is not a safe place to be. Maybe I'm going to find safety and love elsewhere.' What do we do to such a person? What's the natural consequence? Since you were controlling over the Cohen, you were controlling in your marriage. What do we need to teach you? We need to teach you how to solve the root of your problem. What was the root of your problem? The root of your problem is not that your wife potentially went astray. The root of your problem, and this is what I want to talk about tonight. How did you show up in your marriage? How did you show up to your marriage? Did you show up controlling? Or did you show up inviting?

10:55 And we're going to explore the difference now. But so far, everyone has the var. This is absolutely critical. A person who seeks to exert power and control over another inevitably brings that into their most intimate relationships, causing immeasurable amounts of harm. The gift that we give to our spouses is the gift of safe space. When a person has a safe space to be themselves, that's an amazing place for intimacy. I'm not ready to take any questions yet, if you don't mind. I want to keep going a little bit because this is a very important topic to discuss. I don't think I can repeat the exact words at this point, so there's a recording, but Hashem, you could listen to it afterwards. I want to get this point out because it's an absolutely critical point. Why do we do this? Why do we exert control over another? And by the way, even though the Torah phrases it and couches it as a man is exerting control over a woman It's just as likely, especially in today's day and age, that a woman will attempt to exert control over a man.

12:04 Control in an intimate relationship is poison. Why do we do that? In other words, why did God lead us to a certain point? He got us to the point where we understand that the beginning of people leaving their marriage and behaving inappropriately is because my marriage wasn't safe; it was a place of control. But we have to push the envelope one step further. Why do we control others? Why do we desire to control others? Why do we need that power? What is that coming from? So I want to talk about insecurity and I want to talk about emunah. And it goes like this: There's something called healthy confidence. Healthy confidence is not arrogant. Healthy confidence is I am okay. Healthy confidence is I am enough for myself. And however you show up I will deal with that reality. If you show up in an inappropriate way I will appropriately deal with that reality. Whether that's healthy confrontation.

13:11 Or whether that's choosing to say this is not the hill that I want to die on But I am going to meet the reality from a place of security, from a place of fullness, from a place of confidence. I have no need to control the way that you show up because I am okay. I am enough for myself. I am firmly planted in my own soil. I will not be blown away just because the winds are raging. And this is what's absolutely critical. Girls ask all the time, guys ask all the time, how do I know when I'm ready to get married? This is your answer. You're ready to get married when you're firmly planted in your own soil. When you can meet reality with confidence and not insecurity. Arrogance is a form of insecurity. If a person needs to puff themselves up to make themselves seem larger than they are, it's because they're terrified of what could happen if things don't go the way they want them to.

14:16 What if my husband shows up like this? What if my wife shows up like that? The answer is However, another person chooses to show up. Does not define how you react. You choose not how to react. You choose how to respond to every situation. So if a husband walks in and he's showing up in a way that's uncomfortable. From a deep sense of security, you may choose to say I'm not appreciating the way that you're showing up. Let's talk about what's happening here so that this dynamic can be one that works for both of us. As opposed to an insecure person who says I know that my husband's going to walk in the door, and if he walks in the door and everything's all over the place, he's going to get angry, and I'm not going to be okay if he's going to be angry. So now I need to control everything that's going on in the house. I'm yelling at my kids. Everything needs to be cleaned up, and everything needs to be perfect. My husband walks in the door. Everything is perfect for him because I won't be okay if he's not okay.

15:16 I won't be okay if he's not okay. You see how they're not firmly planted in their own soil? Somebody shows up. I'm not okay with the way that they showed up, and therefore everything is a mess. Now I need to control people, places, and things, which are beyond control. I can't control people, places, or things. Try as I might, sometimes to, I can't control people, places, or things. So what happens as I can't control things? I have to ratchet up the volume. You ever see people do that? I'm trying to control you. It's not working, so they get angrier and angrier. They get more controlling until they figure out how they can put you exactly where they want to. It's deeply unsafe if you've ever been on the other end of that. It's all because it comes from this root place of I am not enough. You hear so far so good? I want to tie this in.

16:04 It's a hard thing to do for people who feel insecure. Give things away. If I'm insecure, it's hard for me to give things away. If I don't know where the money is coming from, it's going to be hard for me to reach into my pocket and say, 'Here, here's money. I have enough to give you.' That's a hard thing to do, no? It takes a very confident person to be able to say. I have, and this is going to be the key word for the next part of this year. Lock in now. I have faith that whatever I need is exactly what I'm going to get. And this money that I have, I'm happy to share it with you because clearly you need it more than me. Faith is what roots a person in confidence. A person who is lacking in faith is lacking in security. A person who's lacking in security exerts control. A person who exerts control brings poison to a relationship. Repeat that right away. Absolutely, I'm going to do my best to repeat it. This formula I can repeat.

17:09 When I have deep faith that I am getting exactly what I need, that everything is exactly as it should be. Then I can say, "Oh, I'm okay." Everything that's happening now is okay. So let's say, for example, if a poor person comes over to me, or if a kohen comes over to me and says And he's in a place I don't want to call impoverished but he's in a diminished state. He needs to ask for his truma right rather than you running to him and saying here's your truma right. It's like he comes and says can I have my truma and you go no I can't. It's hard to release that truma he took it. It's hard to release it. Not only is it hard to release it, he's like I've got you now. See that whole I've got you now mentality comes from a lack of security.

17:57 What happens if I need it, or what happens if I need you, and now you owe me a favor? I want to talk about this for one second. I know I didn't answer your question 100%. Let me roll it all the way back. It's faith equals security, security equals a lack of control. I'm sorry, insecurity equals a lack of control. A lack of control is poison for a relationship. I want to talk about favors for a second. There's two types of favors. There's favors that are genuine, and then there's favors that are just like. Waiting to be called upon. You know what I'm talking about? You ever have somebody like, you ever somebody like does you a favor and then they go, "All right, but you owe me one," and you know they mean it. You know what I'm talking about? How uncomfortable is it that in my time of need You showed up to exert control over me? On the outside, how good does it look?

18:48 On the outside, it looks amazing. In her moment of need, she showed up and she was right there to help them out. She was short a couple of hundred bucks and she lent her the couple of hundred bucks. On the outside, it looks good. But on the inside, you know what that couple of hundred bucks was? Now I've got you. I know exactly where you are And you are under my control. And if you've ever been under somebody else's control You know how deeply uncomfortable that is. You know how much you want to run away. Why do people do that? Why do people say, 'You owe me one'? It's the opposite of everything. You don't do that to people you love. You know that, right? You don't say, 'You owe me one.' Why would you do that? You don't say to your husband, 'You owe me one.' Why do we do that? Why do we bring this poison into relationships? It's because we are insecure.

19:40 When we're insecure, it's like I need to exert some level of control. Couples do this all the time. Couples do not do a favor, but couples like will go over the top for each other, and then the next time something happens, they go, "How could you do this to me?" Especially in light of the fact that I just did that for you. That's crazy, right? What they mean is, I just went, and let's say a husband says, 'I just drove myself crazy to get this thing done for you. I went an hour out of my way, blah, right? And now all I asked was the simple thing from you, and you couldn't come through for me' That's not the way you bring that up. The way you bring that up is you say, "This was really important to me, and I was hoping that you would come through." You don't need to come back and say, "But I did that favor for you," because if you say that, you know what you're really saying? Maybe, potentially, not in every case, but it sounds like it feels a little bit like I did that favor so that I can now get something from you when I needed it. So now let's get to that part because that's the part I wanted to get to.

20:46 What does that emuna have to do with this? So we think of emuna, and the way I described it before is a little bit again, it's not untrue, but it's not as deep as I would like it to be for the purposes of this year. Emuna is not simply everything is exactly as it should be. God is running every moment of the world. It's a little bit deeper than that. Emuna means true emuna means I am okay. Think of emuna for the purposes of this year as being in touch with yourself. Being deeply connected to who you really are. So I'll give you an example of this. Who are you really? If you think about it, who are you really? There's a beautiful story with the Alter Rebbe and his grandson, the Tzemach Tzedek. The Tzemach Tzedek, as a very little boy, was sitting on his grandfather's lap, the Alter Rebbe's lap, Roshner Zamen of Liadi, the founder of Chabad Chassidus, and he was playing with his beard. As little kids do, they play with your beard. You'll see this, Bezshem, when you get married. You'll see your children. You'll sit on your husband's lap. Children always like to touch the fur of their fathers and grandfathers. I'm talking about this. He was sitting there and playing with the His Zadie's beard. And he points to Zadie's beard and he goes This is Zadie.

22:09 And the outer Rebbe says "No." This is Zadie's beard. And Tzamach Tzadek was a clever little boy, and he pointed to the Alter Rebbe's head. And he goes, "This is Zadie" And the Alter Rebbe said, "No, that's Zadie's head." So he points to the Alter Rebbe's arm and says, "This Zadie," and says, "No, that's the Alter that's the Zadie that's Zadie's arm. That's not Zadie." He points to the Alter Rebbe's heart and says, "This Zadie," says, "No, that's Zadie's heart." So the Tzamach Tzadek, as a very little boy, is thinking, 'He's like, okay, so where is Zadie?' All of a sudden, he jumps off the Alter Rebbe's lap and he goes and hides and he cries, Zaidi And the Alter Rebbe came to look for the Tzemach Tzedek who was crying, and when he shows up, he goes, "This is Zaidi" Meaning, where is Zaidi?

22:57 Zaidi is not the arm. Zaidi is not the beard. Zaidi is not the heart. Zaidi is not the mind. Who is the you? Who is the you? You are larger than any of your physical parts. Your physical parts are just expressions of the you. Emuna means to be connected to that which is truly you. What is truly you is that you are a chelak elokah mimal. We are neshamas in bodies. I'm not saying that our body isn't important. That's a shmuhs for a different time. But if you want to know what is your core definition, what you are beyond your physical person is that you are a soul. That's the you. To have emuna means not only to be connected to Hashem. If you are connected to Hashem, you're connected to the you that is truly you. That's what emuna means And that's why emuna grounds you.

23:55 When you're in a space of emuna Just because somebody shows up in a particular way doesn't change who you are. You don't lose your dignity because of the way that somebody else shows up. I want to share with you a cool story. When I was in high school, I had a rashi shiva who I admire very much. I still admire him today. He's a very special person. His name is Rabbi Zev Meir Friedman. When I was in 10th grade, I shouldn't admit this. When I was in 10th grade, Baruch Atovah No Eli Nochum Shalom Nevo. When I was in 10th grade, I was cutting mishmar. Thursday night, we were supposed to be in mishmar. I was cutting mishmar with two of my buddies. We were downstairs sitting on the couches in the basement of the school. And Rabbi Friedman walked in. And I'm sitting there with my two friends. Rabbi Friedman walks in. Rabbi Friedman is a big balmedos.

24:46 He acts with integrity. He walks in. I'll never forget. He walks in, and he looks at us and he goes, 'Tell us. That's the way he's talking. Tell us.' Tell us. What are you doing here? So my buddy Ari looks at Rabbi Friedman, and he goes We're cutting mishmar. And Rabbi Friedman said. Why are you cutting mishmar? And Ari just looks at me and goes, "Can I ask you a question? Are you upset at us?" So Rabbi Friedman goes No. Why would I be upset at you? And Ari goes, and they start having a conversation. I'm used to teachers and principals being upset at me when I cut class, and this is very disconcerting for me because you don't seem upset. And Rabbi Friedman goes, "Well, I don't understand why I should have to get angry because you're doing something inappropriate."

25:37 And Ari goes well, if you wouldn't mind yelling at me, I'd actually kind of appreciate it because this conversation is very disconcerting for me. I don't know exactly, am I in trouble? Am I not in trouble? And everyone's looking at me. He's like, I don't know why this is about trouble. You're supposed to be somewhere. You chose to be somewhere else. Let's talk about why you chose to be somewhere else, and let's talk about what a better decision would look like next time. And Ari keeps looking at him, going, Yeah, but are you angry at me? Ari could not get over the fact that Rabbi Friedman wasn't angry, and I remember Rabbi Friedman in that shmuz. It was a very powerful shmuz, probably the best mishmar I ever caught. I learned more from that cutting than I would have gotten to mishmar. Rabbi Friedman said, "He goes" The Rambam says that a person shouldn't get angry. It's the one mitzvah that the Rambam says a person has to go to the extreme. Why would I debase myself by getting angry because of the way you are behaving?

26:29 And as a tenth grader, as a fifteen-year-old, I knew that I was watching something brilliant. I knew that I was seeing something very unusual. He was basically saying "I am in absolute control over the way that I show up when things are going on." That's an amazing place to be. You have to be a real bal muzer to be someone like that. You show up naturally. A principal walks in. I'll be honest with you. Even in this moment, there's a need that I have to control certain things that are happening in the classroom. Every person has a need. This one's talking, this one's drawing, this one's not paying attention, this one's on her phone. Every Rebbe, in a certain sense, is trying to exert some. They call it classroom management, but really, what it is a level of control. It's like I want this girl to pay attention. But she's not. She's talking to her friend. She's disturbing me. I have ADHD. I got distracted by her. I have a certain speaker. I won't say his name, but it rhymes with Rav Gav, and I love Rav Gav, and he's a very good friend of mine. And he said, he's like, it's a very interesting thing. He's like, when I speak, I know how to speak to the first two or three rows.

27:26 I know how to ignore the girls that are not doing what they're supposed to be doing. And I'm like, I'm so bad at that. I find myself paying attention specifically to the people that are not paying attention. I'm just trying to trap those people in. There's a certain level of control. Rabbi Friedman showed up to that moment. Most principals probably would have walked in. They would have gotten frustrated. More kids just going around the school doing whatever they want. You can't just do whatever you want. This is not a free for all. You ever hear those words coming out of your principal's mouth, right? And they yell, 'Get back to class! Get back to class!' I mean, like those words are like poison for some. Like even when I say the words 'get back to class,' I have like a PTSD response from principals yelling at me, 'Get back to class!' "Get back to class!" is a form of control that Rabbi Friedman didn't need to have. He was more than happy to have a chinuch conversation, even when we were doing the wrong thing. Why?

28:13 Because he had emuna. Emuna doesn't just mean a level of Hashgacha, a level of serenity that I have because I know that God is running the world. It's much deeper than that. Emuna means I am enough for myself, firmly planted in this moment, because I'm connected to an infinite God and I carry a spark of Him inside of myself. So when you show up in a way that's uncomfortable for me, I'm still okay and I'm not going to bark just because you barked at me. When I was in eighth grade, I had a friend, still a friend of mine, but we were very, very close friends in elementary school. His name was Chaim. I'm really freaking out. Can you repeat that? I can't. I don't even know what I said two seconds ago. My ADHD kicked in 45 minutes ago. I wish that I could, but there's a recording, so you can listen to the recording afterwards.

29:05 When I was in eighth grade, my friend Chaim walked into shul on Shabbos. He said, I have to tell you this amazing line that I heard from my rebbe, Rabbi Gershan Kramer, who's a famous eighth grade rebbe in Halb. He's been an eighth grade rebbe in Halb for like 40 years, and he said he got into a fight with somebody in school, and he was fighting back with this kid. And Rabbi Kramer pulled him over to the side, and he said, just because a dog barks doesn't mean you bark back. It's a very powerful line. Just because somebody did something doesn't mean you lose your dignity. Just because your spouse showed up in a way that you don't like doesn't mean that you get to be controlling. Doesn't mean that you get to be angry. Doesn't mean that you get to slam doors. We can be appropriate with somebody else because we're firmly planted in our own soil. When we're connected to the notion of giving tshuva to a kohen, it is an exercise in being deeply connected to that God that resides within me.

30:02 That godly spark that resides within all of us, because I have this produce, and there's a feeling Imagine we don't really get being a farmer. Think about what being a farmer means. Being a farmer is intense. Would it rain? Would it not rain? Would the crop grow? Was it planted well? How much of the crop will grow? And by the way, if the crop didn't grow, what happened? Everyone died. You lived and died by the rainy season. We don't really live and die that way anymore. We're not as used to it. So you imagine this farmer, and he poured his blood, sweat, and tears, and now he's got this crop. But there's potentially an impoverished mentality that he has. What's the impoverished mentality? It's like, I need this. I know that I shouldn't. I know that I should give this to the coin, but I need it. So I'm going to give it to him, but I'm going to make him come and ask for it. And when he comes and asks for it, I'm going to make him earn it. I need a favor from you. Because the whole thing comes from an impoverished mentality, or the opposite.

31:01 Or a person shows up and he does. He says, "I'm going to do what I need to do because I have to put in my istadlus. I will plow this land. I will plant these seeds. I will till this soil. And I will daven. Then it rains. And if it does, when the kohen, when I have the opportunity to give the kohen the truma, I will" Because I'm enough for myself. I'm okay for myself. Whatever happens in life, I'm capable of meeting that. Things will be okay because I'm okay. And then giving to the Cohen that Truma, it becomes exciting. I have the opportunity to be a giver. Imagine what it's like to be married to that person. What should you look for? What should you look for in a husband? People give different answers to this question. I've heard some great answers. Look for somebody that makes you laugh.

31:52 Look for somebody that has simchah sechayim. Look for somebody that you have shared values with. These are all great answers. I think this is the best answer. Find someone who's enough and okay for himself. Because being married to that person means you'll be married to somebody who can create space for you to be yourself. Because he's enough for himself He'll allow you to be okay for yourself. This is the second form. Majority is impoverished and abundance. I have an impoverished mentality. I'm not enough for myself. It's not going to be okay. What happens if? Versus, I'm okay. It's okay. Whatever happens, I'll be okay. It's called an abundance mentality. Thank you for asking me to clarify that because I don't think I said it. So what's the key here? Let's finish up this year. What's the key here? The key here is very simple. Faith is something that every one of us needs to be working on.

32:43 Emuna has to be a core part, not only of our curriculums when we're in school. Emuna needs to be something that we're working on every single day. Emuna ought to permeate every single aspect of our day. Davening is an amazing time to connect to emuna. We have to spend time every day learning about emuna, so that we can be connected to our own godly souls. We can be connected to our dignity. We will be enough for ourselves. Without emuna, what will our marriages look like? Without emuna, what type of parents will we be? Without emuna, how do we show up to the community? Will we be leaders? Will we be takers? I want to share with you one last thing. Because we saw this. We saw what happened. When we saw it during Corona When Corona hit, you girls were little. It's funny to think about. It was five years ago already.

33:39 You were fourteen. You were little. You were thirteen and fourteen years old. When Corona hit, I remember when I told my wife. My wife's a swimmer. She goes out to swim three times a week. I told my wife, "I was like, you're not going to be able to go to the pool." She's like, "Why not?" I'm like, "There's a new disease. It's called Corona. Nobody's leaving their houses." My wife's like, "What are you talking about?" I was like, "Yeah" We're done. We're inside now. I remember in the beginning of Corona, I said to my wife I miss the illusion of control. That's what we miss, right? Because we never really had control, but we all kind of thought that we did. If I only do this, then everything will be okay. And then what happened in the beginning of Corona? We saw the world become the most controlling it's ever been. It's like everyone. My grandmother passed away from Corona. I took Corona very seriously. I'm not at all being dismissive of those people that took it seriously, but there were people that were like walking around with like a holster, and Lysol was in the holster. You know what I'm talking about? They didn't just have like the gloves; they had like the full body suit, like nuclear, wherever they went. They weren't just masked; they were like triple masked. And they had like something over their eyes, and they had the beanie on.

34:53 I was on a plane at some point. And it's very interesting. If you flew during Corona, where you flew made a very big difference. If you were in economy, they were very strict on the masks. If you flew business, you could fly the plane. They don't care what you do up there. And somebody wasn't wearing their mask. In business, there was social distancing naturally because people are very far apart from each other. Somebody from the opposite side of business started screaming at the person across from them. You're gonna kill me because you're not wearing a mask. And it was very. And I was sitting in the middle. I was dying of laughter. I was like, everybody just needs to calm down. We're in business class. This is good. We're gonna land rested. You never have that in economy, especially in LAL. If you get, you're gonna see people coming off a plane from economy in LAL versus business. People in business strut off the plane. They walk like that was great. People in economy come out like survivors.

35:54 And they always have too much luggage. It's always like they have a backpack and a hat on and two carry-ons and a child strapped to their front. Like I once saw the most daring thing I ever saw. I once saw somebody bring a baby into business class. I was like, everybody hates you. They spent thousands of dollars not to be near you, and you went near them. We saw in Corona. The difference between people who took care of themselves appropriately Versus the people who lived with levels of anxiety and control that were debilitating to the people around them. And everyone started talking about it. It was good. It was a good conversation. It was like, why are people so not resilient? This is not the first time that people have gone through hard things. Why are people so lacking in resilience? And the answer to that question is Because we failed in teaching people that there is a God and you carry around His spark and you have an infinite amount inside of you, you have an abundance mentality.

37:00 People didn't know how to show up to meet the moment with grace and dignity. People didn't know how to show up to meet the moment to be okay for themselves and to do what worked for themselves while at the same time creating space for others. And so we've spent the last couple of years in the world talking about what it means to be in self. To be truly connected to yourself means to be connected to your neshama. That's the avodah of emuna. A person in emuna doesn't need to control others. And beze Hashem, if we're deeply connected to Hashem, deeply connected to ourselves, we should be zayichet to beautiful marriages and beautiful families.