Naso - Building a Vessel of Shalom

2:00 Generally, we think of shalom as a state of being. I live in harmony with a person. There's no machleikus between us. What does it mean that shalom is a kli? What does that kli contain? It contains bracha. What does that mean? How does that work? The Gemara in Chulin tells us that Hakadosh Baruch Hu's name is in this week's parsha. Is erased in the mesota for the woman who suspected of not being loyal to her husband. So we all know that she drinks these ma'im kedoshim. The Torah calls them ma'im kedoshim, these holy waters that have Hashem's name erased in them. The Gemara tells us for the possibility of shalom Hashem's name is erased. Hashem allows His name to be erased for the possibility of shalom. But the Maral says a very beautiful word. Stam to erase Hashem's name that we would not allow. Rather, we erase Hashem's name in order to write Hashem's name.

3:01 Where is Hakadosh Baruch Hu's name written? So we know the Gemara tells us, Darish veKiva Ish veIsha Zachu Shechina BeNehem Loi Zachu Eishay Chlason. If a man and a woman are meritorious, if they're Zaycheh So then the Shechina exists between them. And if they're not meritorious, then they are consumed by fire. And Rashi explains, "Shchina beinayim" Shaychelek ashamay v'shchina beinayim yud dalei b'ish v'heh be'isha. When you put together the words 'ish' and 'isha,' you take the yud from 'ish,' you take the heh from 'isha,' you put them together. That's the name of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So when 'ish' and 'isha' live b'shalom So the shchina is there between them. But if you take out the yud and if you take out the hey, there's no shchina beinayim If there's no shalom between them So then all there is esh. What does this mean? So I want to share with you a very deep tirah.

4:10 All things in this world And really, perhaps most acutely expressed in marriage All things in this world exist through passion. Passion is at the center of everything. We know that there's a major difference when a guy shows up to yeshiva and he's passionate, and he puts in the hard work. He gets off his phone. He's engaged. It's a different mensch. Passion brings things closer together. That's the nature of fire. Fire bridges the gap between two people. A young couple Say their love is fiery. Because there's a distance between two people, we want to create oneness. It requires fire, fire to move two people together. But there's a very big danger when it comes to passion. If the fire is not contained by the bracha of shalom Then it will destroy you and it will consume you. This is a very serious thing. Passion is unbelievable. Passion moves the world.

5:18 Misguided passion destroys the world. A young person is filled with a tremendous amount of enthusiasm and a zest for life. That's an unbelievable thing. When it's bridled, when it's channeled, when it's saddled by Shechina, when it's driven by godliness, it's the most unbelievable thing in the world. Young people can change the world with their passion. But if it's not ches v'shalom, guided by Shechina. If it's just passion for the sake of passion You see that Chassiv Shalom and a couple, one aspect, one part of the couple could run over the other part of the couple with their passion. They could destroy them. We see marriages that start in a bang and end in a bang. As today, again, I don't want to speak too much about this, but it's worth mentioning while we're on the topic. Today in Shaduchim, you see very often that a couple who like falls madly in love; they're desperately in love with each other in two seconds. It doesn't always have the best outcome.

6:20 A lot of times, young guys, young women, and shaduchim, they're like things are healthy and natural and normal, and they think to themselves, "Because I'm not crazy like my chavrusa is, maybe there's something wrong with this relationship." It's not true. Marriages that start in a bang might end in a bang. Healthy, normal, balanced is a very important thing. But we yearn for that passion. We yearn for that excitement because we yearn for that connection. But that connection requires a clef. It requires the clef of the yud and the hey, and the yud and the hey belong to two separate individuals. You can't bring that yud and that hey together unless you bring the ish and isha together. Each one on its own cannot complete Hakadosh Baruch Hu's name. Think of it as the electricity that's running through a wire. The rubber coating around the wire is critical to make sure that the electricity doesn't jump from place to place. That rubber coating around the wire is critical to make sure that the message gets from point A to point B. That the electricity flows naturally.

7:29 Ein kli machzik bracha elishalom. The bracha of your life is the passion of your life. It's the fire of your life. You guys are young. You have unbelievable amounts of energy. Bez Hashem al tashlicheni leizikno. Bez Hashem you'll keep this energy going for years and years in your life. Some people are physically very old, but spiritually they're very young because they have that passion for life. But without shalom Without having a guiding light to that bracha. Without the ability to contain that passion and that enthusiasm, and to channel it and direct it, and to be the master over it, it could destroy you. And it could destroy people around you too. What does it mean? How do we do this practically? How do we live b'shalom? How do we cultivate this kli? Because we came here to yeshiva for the year, and Baruch Hashem, we established tremendous passion for Yiddishkeit.

8:34 For our davening, for our learning, for our chesed, for our mussar, for everything that we're doing, we establish tremendous passion. But as we leave yeshiva We have to have at least one shmuuz about shalom. So that when you leave yeshiva You're people of shalom. And I'm going to be very now on the nose. I'm going to be very direct. There is a very big danger for a boy who comes to yeshiva and gets very passionate about his yiddishkeit. And he goes home. And he has to like It's to flex. It's to show the world Look how frum I am. Look what a ben Torah I became in yeshiva. And could be chas v'shalom that a person goes home and he creates shalom bias issues with his parents and shalom bias issues with his siblings and he looks down on people in the community and he says, it's because they don't do this in the community because they don't do that in the community. It's not right.

9:29 It's not appropriate. It's not the way a ben Torah behaves. It's an example of the passion that you developed, not having a kli of shalom. And lo alena, we've seen guys who come to yeshiva who turn off people in their community by the way that they come back, because they come back baruch Hashem full of this holy fire, but they have no idea how to control it, so they spill it out all over the place in completely inappropriate ways. So what is the appropriate way? How does a bentira develop this kli called shalom that he should be zaycha to come back to wherever he grew up? And to come back in a way that's marbekvoyt Shamayim. Vayiru Echov ki oisay ohe vaviem mikol Echov viyisnu oisay v'lo yachlu dabru l'shalom. Yaakov Avinu favored Yosef. The Rambam says one of the lessons we learn from here is you have to be so careful about how you treat your children. You can't show favoritism. The brothers saw that Yaakov Avinu loved Yosef more than them, and they grew to hate him.

10:30 What's the expression of their hatred? Velo yachlu dabrul l'shalom. They were not able to speak in a peaceable manner. And the mepharshim already point out that the word shalom here is written without a vav. And without a vav, it's the gematria of four hundred, which is the same gematria as ayin ra. Ayin ra means as follows: There are people in this world; they're blessed like David Hamelach to have yafein ayin. Alexander Eber said, "Yafeinayim by David Melch doesn't mean that he had blue eyes." Yafeinayim means he knew how to see people. Some people know how to see the world. They know how to see the world with kindness and compassion, grace and generosity. Some people when they look at the world, all they can see is the beauty in other people. And the brothers Because they were so hurt Because they also wanted a relationship with their father.

11:29 They were not able to speak peaceably. They were not able to have this kli that's ma'asek bracha of shalom. Because they saw Yosef Hadadik with iron raw. They couldn't see the beauty of Yosef Hadadik's dreams. All they saw was him putting himself at the center of the universe. They couldn't appreciate him for who he was because they looked at him with negative eyes. Where did that come from? It came from their own pain. When we're in pain. We see the world through the lens of that pain. The brothers were jealous of Yosef HaTzaddik. They were jealous of the love that Yaakov Avinu had. So they saw him with an eye in Ra and Memela. There was no shalom between them. What does Yaakov avinu tell Yosef HaTzaddik? Go to shechem. Emphasis on the word shloim, spelled with a vav. Vav a chibur. Create a connection with your brothers. Yaakov Avinu tells Yosef. But he can't because they saw him from afar, and they paskin din lamisa. What does it mean? They saw him from afar. It means they saw him with ayin ra.

12:35 They looked at Yosef HaTzaddik through the lens of their own stuff, and they saw him with an ayin ra And therefore there was no shalom. You want to create shalom, Rabbi say, I'll give you the greatest etzah in the world. This is what Chazal say. You want shalom? Stop looking at the negative in other people. Someone came over to me today. They said, "Erberg, I heard you gave a she'er on Avos Yisrael" And I went to the kotel on Shavuot morning. And I saw these women who came to the kotel and on Shavuot morning, and they weren't dressed appropriately. How am I supposed to have Avos Yisrael with these women who weren't dressed appropriately at the Kotel? And I was mystified by this person, who I know is well intentioned. You're sitting in judgment of women that went basikin to the kotel on Shavuot morning And all you could see was the fact that they weren't dressed to your standard of tznius. They were at the kotel on Shavuot morning on basikin.

13:45 Who's looking at the way they're dressed? Why are you looking at the way they're dressed? There's a bird. There's a bird that's not kosher. Chazal tell us that it has unbelievable capacity to see this bird. This bird could be flying over Bavel and it could see the carcasses on the mountains of Eretz Yisrael. Why is this bird not kosher? The Baalei Chasidus say You have such unbelievable capacity for vision. You're all the way in Bavel, and you could see all the way to Eretz Yisrael, and the only thing you could see are the carcasses. If you're focusing on the negative, there'll be no shalom. If you're looking at a person, you see the Rebbeinu Shalom inside of them. And you know how you do that. If you see the Rebbeinu Shalom inside of yourself. If you see the Rebbeinu Shalom, if you say I'm a carrier of a yud and they're a carrier of a hay, I want to get together with that person. I see the godliness in myself and I see the godliness in them. There's going to be shalom. They're the carriers of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's name. That's an infinite godly soul that's walking around. Gevaldik, I want to be with them.

14:54 But if you only look at the chitzonius, if you only can stand there on the outside, looking judgmentally at somebody and saying, "But this guy missed shachris, and this guy doesn't learn as much in seder, and this guy does You never met the person. Chaval, you were sitting next to somebody and your pashat never saw them. All you saw was the negative, and it says much more about us when all we see is the negative in another person. I, but Rebbe, this person hurt me. It's true It's true. It taka hurts But why are you looking at their lowest moment in the context of everything that they are? They're beautiful people. They made a mistake. There was a complex relationship. Something happened. Words were spoken in ways that they shouldn't have been spoken. But that's not who they really are. That was the secret of Aaron Akayin. Aiv Shalom Veraydesh Shalom.

15:41 What was Aaron Akayin? Where would Aaron Akayin go? A couple was in a fight, and he would go over to the wife, and he would say, "I just spoke to your husband. He mamish loves you so much." And she would say, 'Really? He said that? You should have heard him.' And then he went to the husband. He said, 'I just spoke to your wife. Your wife, Mamish, loves you. Chaver, I understand that it worked for the first couple of times.' I understand. Ironokain went out. He was clever. He went out for the first couple of times. Maybe the first twenty times it worked. I have a kasha. When Ironokain died, Klal Yisrael mourned even greater than they mourned Moshe Rabbeinu. Which means that Aaron Akain did this all the time. Any time there was a fight, he went over and he said, 'Akiva, Ezra didn't really mean it. Ezra, Akiva didn't really mean it.' At some point, Klaliyisroh must have caught on. There was imagine you saw Aaron Akain coming to you in the desert. You are in the Midbar. It's probably amazing in the Midbar. Aaron Akain comes. You know you are in a fight with somebody. You probably started shaking your head. You probably okay.

16:35 Here we go. Here's Aron Akai in the big tzaddik, and he's going to come to tell me that Ruvein really just said the most amazing things about me. I've seen this show before. This is what Aron Akai does. How come it worked? You know what the answer is? Because he meant it. Because when Aron Akai went to that wife He didn't see all the machlokes. He saw the real her, and the real her just wanted to be so deeply connected with her husband, and vice versa when he went to the husband. That's the way Aaron Akoyan saw every single Jew because that's the way Aaron Akoyan saw himself. He said, "I'm a chelak elokamimah. You're a chelak elokamimah. You're a chelak elokamimah. We all deserve to be together." It worked because it wasn't a move. It worked because it was authentic. It worked because when you were in the presence of Aaron Akoyan, you said I know who I really am. In his presence, I connect to my godliness.

17:22 And therefore I connect to you. That's the secret of shalom. That's the kli that's machzik brach. And that's why it makes sense. The Medrash in this week's Parsha tells us that a woman came to Rav Meir's drasha. Rav Meir would give unbelievable drashas, and the drasha went on too long. Rabbanim sometimes speak too long. Whenever I go speak somewhere for Shabbos, they always tell me seven to ten minutes is what we usually do. Twelve to fifteen minutes is what a scholar in residence is allowed to do. Please don't go to sixteen minutes. Because they know rabbanim like to speak. So this woman came to Rav Meir's droshe, and Rav Meir went on for a little bit longer, and she was late coming home. And her husband was infuriated. You come home late from shul again. You're always going to shiurim. I won't let you back in the house until you spit in Rav Meir's face.

18:18 Woman didn't know what to do. I'm not going to spit in Rav Meir's face. How do you spit in the holy Rav Meir's face? So she went back to the shul. And she was there. And said, "What are you doing back here?" So she told her friends, 'My husband won't let me in the house until I spit in Rivmeir's face.' Word got back to Rivmeir that there's a woman here who's not allowed in the house until she spits in your face. So Rivmeir went over to this group of women, and he didn't say anything to anyone in specific. He said "Something got in my eye." I need someone to spit in my eye so that I could get this thing out of my eye. So the woman stepped up and she spit in Rav Meir's eye, and then she was able to go home. The Talmidim said, "Rabbi, really?"

19:05 Kavod ha'Tyra, kavod ha'Tyra Kavod for a gavel in Yisrael. You went over and you said, 'Please spit in my eye.' If Hakadosh Baruch Hu can allow His name to be erased for the sake of shalom. If Hakadosh Baruch Hu will allow His name to be erased in the mei sota, so that when the woman drinks the mei sota and proves that she was innocent And it creates shalom between a husband and a wife, so that Hashem's name could be rewritten. Then certainly Rav Mayer said I can I can forgive my own kavod. I can allow somebody to spit in my eye. I have a kasha on this medrash. Why in his eye? Why in his eye? Spit in my eye. Why in his eye? The husband said, 'Spit in the face. Why in the eye?' So you have to start thinking. If you're a mayor, I'd start thinking. Where do I want to be spit on the least?

19:58 I spit on my head, my forehead, and my beard. I don't want you to spit in my mouth, COVID, whatever. Everyone has their own mishigas. Spit in my eye. It's like the straight. I've got to wipe spit out of my eye. Why is the maggid emphasizing the eye? You know what Rav Mayor was saying. I see you. I know that you don't really want to be spitting in my face. I see you. Spit in my eye. Don't worry. I see you. I see you, but good. I see you. The biggest avoda in the world is to see ourselves. If we see ourselves beautifully, then we'll see the others beautifully. Chaver, you know why a kid comes home and he's judgmental about his community and his parents and his siblings, and nobody's from enough, and all of a sudden they have all these shittas? It's an overcompensation because we're not necessarily confident in our own yiddishkeit.

20:47 We have all this passion. But we're not confident in our own Yiddishkeit. It's new, it's fresh, it's beautiful. But you should know that if you see others in a negative way and you pour it out on them It's only because you're not confident. Big people go into places where people are not necessarily doing the right thing. But they know how to show up with a smile. They know how to show up in an Aranakayinik way, because they're Kalim of Shalom. Some people are Kalim of Shalom. Guys, ask the question. How do I continue to stay strong after yeshiva? And rabbis give different aitzas, and all the aitzas are meaningful. Some rabbis say you have to have a seder every single day for at least forty-five minutes. Make sure that you keep up your learning. Some rabbis will say be machbad on minyan. You don't realize even if you come late to minyan, be machbad on minyan. You don't realize what minyan is going to do for the structure of your day. Some rabbis say learn mussar. If you learn mussar, you'll stay on the straight and narrow. Some rabbis are saying, "Learn mashaliba chapeitz. Whatever gets you excited, it'll keep you on the straight and narrow." Rabbi says, "I'm going to give you an answer that I think is oila al gabea."

21:54 Be b'shalom with everyone you meet. Work on that. You're in a camp. Be b'shalom with your co-counselors. Be b'shalom with your campers. That's not so pasht. Sometimes you want to punt your campers. You're big. You're 18, 19 years old. These kids are little. They're puntable. They're driving you crazy. Be b'shalom with your campers. Be b'shalom with your parents. Rabbi Yisrael, you haven't had the opportunity to do the mitzvah of kibbutz avayim in the way that you're going to have the opportunity to do when you go home. Be b'shalom with your parents. Chas v'shalom for one minute to sit in judgment of your parents who did so much for you. You'll never be able to repay them. Be b'shalom with your siblings. Do not give your siblings mussar. They don't want to hear it from you. Rebbe, how can I influence my little brother? He's going to go through the same thing you went through, and because Hashem, he'll come out a good Ben Taira. You want the best form of influence? Just be b'shalom.

23:01 A guy once asked me. He said, "I'm trying to make a chavrusha with my brother, and he seems reticent." I said, "Please take him to the batting cages." Stop trying to learn a Gemara with him. Be b'shalom. See the godliness everywhere you go. And then you'll have a kli that's machzik bracha. Then all the passion and enthusiasm that I have for Yiddishkeit stays. I want you to know I've seen this. I've seen this. When it comes to machleikas, machleikas destroys. And it doesn't just destroy the other person. Machleikas is a poison that destroys everyone who's involved. You can't be b'shalom. You should know it's you're amputating parts of yourself. We have to be radical about the notion of shalom. How far should I go for shalom? Let them spit in your eye. Rebbe. If I don't say something, it's going to keep happening over and over again. I'll tell you what. You figure out a way to be b'shalom with him. It'll stop happening.

24:05 You'll figure out a way to be b'shalom when you do need to say it with kindness and compassion. That personal list. Shalom is the greatest gift. And Rabbeinu Say, if you work on it now You're giving your wife and your kids the greatest gift. Every one of us has she'ifas to be a beautiful marriage. Every one of us has the potential to be amazing husbands and amazing fathers. Work on this mida now. Be radical about shalom. And you'll see one day it'll save your marriage. Your kids will have somebody to look up to. I'll finish with this mase. I love this mase. They say I think about either Moshe Feinstein or Yaakov Kamenetsky. How did you walk down the aisle when it came to your children's chasnas? There are different minhagim. Sometimes both fathers walk the chasn down. Sometimes the father and mother walk their respective children down.

25:01 So they asked. I think it was Rav Moshe, but it might have been Rav Yaakov. I'm not 100% sure. They asked him which way he did it for his kids. So I said, yesh v'yesh. I did it different times in different ways. So they said, what was the machria? He said it was whatever the other side wanted. Whatever the other side wants They say about Rav Arye Levine that he said to his wife, "He said I don't have very much." When it comes to physical material things, I don't have very much to share with you. So I'll give you this one gift: in the beginning of our marriage, you win every fight. Any time we have a fight, you win. That's a good marriage. That's a shalom dika marriage. I'm willing to give in to you because whatever fight we have is not nearly as important as you are to me. I desperately want to be b'shalom with people. I'm radical about the notion of shalom.

25:52 I said it in the beginning, and I'll say it in the end. I can't thank you enough. I'm not going to speak at the banquet. I don't want to speak at the banquet. I'll let the rosh speak at the banquet. This is my farewell. I can't thank you enough. Can't thank you enough for another amazing year of yeshiva. You guys are a special group. And you did a special thing here this year. I think we're a yeshiva of shalom. Shalom doesn't mean everyone's the same. Shalom means everyone's different. And still somehow it works. All of you guys are so different. You all came from such different places in your life. It was beautiful to see you guys become a yeshiva this year. It was beautiful to see how you guys grew together. It's an amazing chevra. Chazal say harbele amarati me ravay say yoiser mechaveira me tamida yoiser mikula.

26:50 I learned a tremendous amount from my rabbis. I was very blessed. I have great friends and I learned from them too. But every year in yeshiva, I learn so much from the guys. And the one thing that I can say about mevaserik guys And I think you could say a lot about us. Not always so positive, but I think one thing you could say about us is we are very different. And I don't just mean that in that way. We are very different. Every guy is very different from each other, but every guy somehow has a place here. And I hope that this environment that you have built here in this yeshiva I hope you take it with you out into the world. I hope you build communities like yeshiva. I hope you build communities that are diverse. I hope you build communities where people are different.

27:38 I hope that you have the real notion of tzeibur, which stands for tzaddik benani in Russia. I hope you are people that invite every single other Jew in. I hope you are people that bring the ayin tovah that you have for every guy in the yeshiva, and that hopefully that you have for yourself. And I hope that you mamish build klal yisrael that way because it's the way that we bring Mashiach. Mashiach is right here. Everybody knows Mashiach is on the doorstep. He's just waiting for us to finish up these last pieces of being b'shalom. We should be zeiha to see each other beautifully, to see ourselves beautifully, and in that vein, for Mashiach said Kenu to come with the eyes of David Malchus of Mashiach, and to be able to see everyone in Klal Yisrael equally beautifully.