Terumah - 🔥 🔥 🔥 Authentic and Imperfect Jews

2:31 It shall be covered. The Gemara in Yuma 72b Darshins mi'bayis u'mi'chutz tetzapenu. Amar Rava Call Talmud Chacham She'ain toicha ykebara. Any Talmud Chacham whose insides do not match his outsides, ainu Talmud Chacham. He's not a tamchachem at all. That's what Rav says. There are people in this world that behave in a very frum way, but it doesn't match their internal reality. And Rav tells you should know that such a person He's a tamchachem. That's what he calls him. Call tamchachem anybody who's this big. But his insides don't match his outsides. Aino tamchachem. He just appears to be a tamchachem, but he's not really a tamchachem. Rashi tells us, also based on the same Gemara in Yuma Exactly how the aron was made. Shloish aronos asa betzale. We think of the aron as one piece, but in truth it wasn't. Shnayim shalzav, ve'echad shalates. There were three aronos. Rashi says One was made of wood.

3:43 The atzei shitin, and the other two were made of gold. And Rashi explains. So Rashi explains, they took the biggest aron, the biggest container that was made of gold, and they put inside it the wooden aron that was made of the atzei shita. And then they put inside of that wooden aron a smaller golden aron And then they covered it with gold. So there would be an aron that was made of wood with gold on the inside, so it was covered entirely by gold. So this raises several fascinating questions. What was Rav's drasha? Any Talmud cham that's not tochel kibarah whose insides don't match his outsides ain't a Talmud cham. He's not a Talmud cham. Where does he learn it from? From the aron. The Aaron was not tochol kebaro, according to Rashi. The Aaron was gold and then wood and then gold. So the outsides looked golden But the insides were not golden. The insides had the atzei shittim.

4:58 So how could Rava darshan from the Aaron that your insides have to match your outsides? The Aaron is exactly the opposite of that. The insides do not match the outsides. The outside is golden, the inside is golden, but there's a layer of the inside that's not golden at all. So how could Rava darshan from this pasuk that you have to be tochol kibaroh? It's exactly the opposite. The aron represents the least tochol kibarothin, which raises the question: Why bother having the wood at all? I think you guys went to Bnei Brak this year. Many of you went to Bnei Brak already. To see, if you haven't been to Bene Brak, you should go just to see. In Yeshivas Panovitch, there's a golden aron. It's famous. Imagine if, when they were building the aron, they said the Panovitch shirav said, "Build the aron on the inside, build wood, and then build more gold." Why wouldn't you just say, "Have a golden aron" "Have a golden aron." That's the way it should be.

5:59 Don't insert the wood at all. If you really want to make it, tochal kibayr, we're going the opposite way. Rava, on the one hand, shouldn't be able to darshan from the Aaron that it's tochel kibarot because it's not. But maybe the Aaron should have been tochel kibarot. Just make it out of gold. What do you need to have the wood there at all? It doesn't seem to have any function. Not only that, but the Medrash says that the word shittim, atzei shittim, which means cedar trees, comes from the lashon of sh'tos. It comes from the lashon of silliness, of foolishness. Like Chazal saying, 'Ein Adam Chotei Ela Imkei Nichnas Ba'urua Sh'tus,' that a person doesn't sin unless a wind of foolishness, a wind of stupidity, a wind of insanity comes into him. So not only do we have an aron that's not tochol kebara, because the insides have wood in them But what is the wood? The wood is foolishness. The wood is the silliness. It's like what did we put in the aron? Our worst moments when we're sinning, atzey shiptim, the ruach stus that we have. It's in the aron itself. Why is the ruach stus? Why are our worst moments, our lowest moments, when we do silly things? Why would that be a part of the design of the aron?

7:09 And furthermore There's a gemara in brachos. I imagine many of you are familiar with this gemara in brachos. Brachos twenty eight a. The Gemara tells us after a whole series of events where Rav Yosheva and Rav Amram Lial was the nasi of Klal Yisrael, he was the rosh yeshiva of the yeshiva. There was a whole series of events where Rav Yosheva and Rav Amram Lial disagreed, and Rav Amram Lial kept really going hard on Rav Yosheva. And he kept telling him, you have to stand while I'm giving sheir. You're not allowed to sit down. You have to come to me on the day that you think is Yom Kippur, holding your money bag. A whole series of things that Rebbe Gamliel did that were designed to embarrass Rebbe Yoshua. Until the Chachamim said enough is enough. And they deposed Rebbe Gamliel as nasi. Many of you are familiar with this story because it has a momentary expression in the Pesach Seder. We know Rav Elazar ben Azariah says in the Pesach Seder and the Hagada, what do we say? Why does it say that he was like seventy years old? Because the truth is he was much younger. How did he come to be older? Because they appointed Rav Elazar ben Azariah to be Rosh Yeshiva after they deposed Rav Gamliel.

8:17 And so he grew a very long white beard so that he could be a Rosh Yeshiva. After all, what Rosh Yeshiva doesn't have a long white beard? Every Rosh Yeshiva has to look a little bit like Gandalf Otherwise, laav shmei Rosh Yeshiva. So. What happened? A major shift happened. Reb Mengeleo had a policy. His yeshiva had a policy. There were guards that stood at the door. These guards were not big, buff, strong guards. These guards were there to give you a faher, but it wasn't a faher on how many block Gemara you knew. It wasn't a faheir of how well you could answer interview questions. These people were there to give you a faheir to see if you were tocho kebaro If you were perfectly authentic, if your insides matched your outsides. These guards stood at the door, and if they got the sense that you were a faker, they saw through you, then you weren't allowed in yeshiva.

9:19 And so not that many people were in yeshiva. Comes along Reb Elazar ben Azaria. And he removes the guards from the yeshiva. Major shift in policy. Now all of a sudden he says, 'Chevra, come join our yeshiva.' And the Gemara says that on that day he added in 400 or 700 benches. And this was able to accommodate the inflow of thousands of talmidim who came to yeshiva to learn on that day. It was a very big day. Word spread throughout Klal Yisroel that Rav Elazar ben Azaria is taking away the guards, and people thronged to the yeshiva because they said there are benches for us. How great is that? There's a space for me in yeshiva. Who wouldn't want to be part of such a yeshiva that opens its doors? And they came, and it was an amazing day. The Gemara says that Maseches Idios was taught on that day. That was the day where they learned that Masechtah. And not only that, any halachos that were tuluim, any halachos that weren't yet pasquin, that people didn't know what to do, they were pasquin. Halacha lemaisa on that day. There must have been many shilas that they had, and they got together and they pasquin. The chachamim pasquin all of the halachos on that day. And the Gemara says that from that point on

10:35 Any time the Gemara says that day, it's referring to the day that Rav Elazar ben Azariah became Rosh Yeshiva. He took away the guards from Yeshiva, and Klali Yisrael came in, and unbelievable Torah was learned. It's very clear from this Gemara that Chazal are being critical of Rambamliel, because as long as Rambamliel was Rosh Yeshiva and he had those guards at the door, making sure that you could only enter if you were Tochel Kibaral Idios wasn't taught, many halachos weren't posked. It was a huge day that forever from that point on. That whenever we say that day, it's referring to the day that Rabbi Elazar and Azariah removed the guards. Look how much Torah was learned on that day. So clearly, Rabbi Gamliel was wrong. We have a question. Ravah said, "Call Talmud Chacham She Ain Tochel Kibaroh is not a real Talmud Chacham." So what exactly did Rabbi Gamliel do wrong?

11:38 Was it Rambamliel just doing what the pasuk tells us to do, to be like an aron? After all, a yeshiva is an aron. A yeshiva is a container of Torah, and who should come learn that Torah? Only those people that are tochot kibarot. So Rambamliel is clearly being criticized. But what did he do wrong? He's simply following the drasha of Chazal. He understood this Rashi. He understood what was going on over here. What exactly did Raman Gamliel do wrong? And I want to highlight one more detail in the Gemara. The Gemara is an amazing Gemara. Could die to see on your own. I'm sure, even though it's already 11:20 at night, you guys aren't going to sleep any time soon. Bez Hashem, you're going to go back after this. You're all going to check out Gemara and Brachos 28a. It's an amazing story. Really, every detail is precious. I just want to highlight one more detail in the Gemara. Raman Gamliel was there on that day, Chaver.

12:33 It wasn't the pshat that he ran and ducked for cover. On the day that Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah was made into the nasi of the yeshiva, made into the rashi yeshiva The Gemara tells us Rabbi Gamliel was in the base of Medrash, and he realized everyone was against him and he realized what an unbelievable baal musri he must have been. He realized, taka, I'm wrong, and I owe Rabbi Yosheu an apology. So he went to Rabbi Yosheu's house, and when he arrived at Rabbi Yosheu's house. What does he see? The walls are black. The walls of his house are black. And it occurs to him Rav Yeshua must be a blacksmith. That's how he makes his parnasa. So he says to Rav Yeshua, "I didn't know you were a blacksmith." Listen what Rav Yeshua says back to Rav Mangamliel. Woe to a generation whose leaders don't know how the Talmidei Chachamim make their living and are able to eat.

13:32 Woe to a generation whose leaders don't know how the Talmidei Chachamim are surviving and have food on the table. What is the Shayches? The Gemara needs to tell us about it. It's already enough that we know about the Machlokus of R' Menahem Liel and R' Yehoshua B'Seder. That was halachic. Why didn't the Gemara just tell us? Rav Gamliel went to Rav Yosua to apologize. Rav Yosua didn't want to accept his apology. Rav Gamliel said, "Accept my apology, not on behalf of me, but on behalf of my father." And then Rav Yosua forgave him, which is the end of the Gemara. Do we need to really know this detail that Rav Yosua was a blacksmith and that Rav Gamliel didn't know that Rav Yosua was a blacksmith and that Rav Yosua is critical of Rav Gamliel? How could you not know that I was a blacksmith?

14:22 How could you not know how I made a Parnasa? What shayches does that have to do with the rest of the story? So we have a lot of questions. I'd like to share with you an answer, and I think it's an answer that's particularly relevant at this particular moment in time. In our yeshiva. There are two visions of Tochol Kibara. Anybody who's been in yeshiva. Since the beginning of the year, no doubt you have heard the Rosh Yeshiva speak about the value of authenticity. Authenticity is a big buzzword. We're authentic. We're striving. We're trying to be authentic. But what exactly does that word mean? What does it mean that your insides match your outsides? There's two visions of tocho kebara. Vision number one is what you do represents who you are. And if on the inside you have something that's not necessarily the best, not necessarily the good thought Then you're not authentic.

15:29 If you're a guy who shows up to davening and you're davening But somewhere in your heart you're looking around and you're going I got noticed, huh? People see me. I come to shachris now. I come to mincha now. I come to myrav now. Look how late I'm in the beis medrash. They're working very hard not to look, but lemayzah they're looking. What does Rebbe think about me now? What does Yeshiva think about me now? What does Meshkiach think about me now? It's a little for the validation. It's a little for the hype. Maybe there's a thing like I'm in Yeshiva. I want to be one of the guys. I want to be one of the top guys. I want to be a guy who's really stigging, who's really doing something. So maybe a little bit. We're turning around just to see him. I noticed him. I recognized.

16:17 So a person could say to themselves I'm not tocho kebara. I'm not tocho kebara. Rebbe. On the outside, I'm showing up and I'm doing everything. On the outside, I'm stigging. But Rebbe, on the inside, I'm so shalol lishma. I'm so shalol lishma. Come on, I'm really like Rabbi. If you would only know the thoughts that I have And not only that Really deep inside of themselves, they're saying even more than that. They're saying, "I'm in yeshiva. I'm stigging. It's true. I'm making every minion. I'm shuddling like I'm having a seizure. I'm chazaring until the words of the gemara are bleeding out of my ears." But Rabbi, it's embarrassing to admit But sometimes. Tayvos I do things that I'm not proud of. I look in places I shouldn't look. I act in ways that I shouldn't act. I say things that I shouldn't say. In a certain moment, maybe I'll make a big mistake. Chevra is doing something, and maybe I get caught up in the moment. So officially I'm staking But I'm still not there. And maybe I'm a faker. And Rebbe, what's going to be with me, Bein Azmani?

17:31 What's going to be ben azmanim? We're going to see. That's going to be the real test. If I'm tochol kibar, because all of a sudden you see Rabbi over ben azmanim, I wasn't the same. And it must be that it's just a function of the hype of yeshiva. It's 11:30 at night. We're in yeshiva, mishmar, so many guys packed, singing, davening, learning together. It's beautiful. Shimon is here, Z is here, Shu is here. It's beautiful, unbelievable music. But when I'm back in fill in the blank So then you see it wasn't real. I'm just a big faker. And Rabbi, is it really going to last? Even if it lasts for a minute, even if it lasts for a year, even if it lasts for two years In ten years from now, am I still going to be doing this? In fifteen years, how do I know, Rabbi, that I'm really tochel kibarow? Because if tochel kibarow means that you don't have one bad thought, if tochel kibarow means that you don't have one shalolish mabon in your body.

18:21 Then I think nobody in this room is tochel kibarow, and I'll put myself at the head of that list. I'm certainly not tochel kibarow. If that's the definition of tochel kibarow, if tochel kibarow leaves no room for human imperfection, then I'm not tochel kibarow, and I'd like to think that I'm in a room full of people that are also not tochel kibarow. And we're sticking together, no? So what does tochel kibarow mean? So perhaps there's a different definition of tochel kibarow that we need to come to. A definition that not only leaves us firmly planted in yeshiva, but reframes the entire way we see imperfection. Tochul kebaro doesn't mean that you don't have a ruach shdus in front of you. It's not what it means at all. Tochul kebaro means Externally, I'm sticking. I'm sticking. I'm coming to shacharsh. I'm coming to mincha. I'm coming to myrav. I'm mamish working in morning seder. I'm chazring. I'm doing everything that I'm supposed to do. I'm clarifying every single point with my rebbe. I want to make sure that I have shir perfectly.

19:23 And there's a thought inside of me, a ruach stus. Look how proud my parents are of me. Look how proud my rebbeim are of me. There's a ruach stus in there that on some level maybe it is. You'll forgive me for speaking this way. A little bit fake. A little bit shalolishma. We're not tzaddikim. We're not just thinking of the purest thoughts. Maybe there's a part of us that likes it. That when our rebbeim come from America to visit, and then they come into the Rosh Hashiva's office, the Mashgiach's office, the Menahel's office, they go "It's doing very well." And maybe there's a part of me that likes that. Maybe there's a part of me that likes that accolade. Maybe there's a part of me that's going to come home and Baruch Hashem, all of my averas are going to be erased because now I'm stark. Because now I go to shul and people go In mevaseret he did very well.

20:13 Those words are very well laced with poison. Whose definition of very well? Who decides what very well means? Because you created some image of very well, but I'm not very well. I know that inside of me. It's just because, not only because, but partially because I kind of want to be seen that way. I want to be that guy. Who doesn't want to be that guy? Who wants to come back after a year in yeshiva and come back to the community, and the community goes, "Seems like he wasted his year." Nobody wants to be that guy. So there is a l'olishma part But deeper than that, l'olishma part. Deeper than that, the low lishma part is another level. That my neshama yearns desperately to be close to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That I'm not here for any other reason other than altruistically. I yearn to be connected to the Ebeister.

21:05 So yes, there is a part of me that shelo lishma, but the deepest part of me is mamish lishma. The Rambam says there's a halacha. You're not allowed to force somebody to give a get. A person has to give a get willfully. And yet, what does the Rambam say? You could smack him around until he says, "I want to give the get," and it's a kosher get. How could that be? The Rambam says that you can only give a get willfully. This guy got smacked around. His deepest desire is to give the get. His most pni mi rapzon is to do the right thing. And your neshama, the yichida of your neshama, the deepest level of your neshama, not for one minute. Not for one minute has wanted anything other than to be close to the Rebbe Nachshon. So to be tochel kebaro means According to this definition The outsides are gold.

22:00 The actions, Baruch Hashem, are stunning, beautiful, and gorgeous. Minyan, Chazara, Chesed, Tikun, being meshamisharabayim, doing whatever we can to build the yeshiva Givaldik. That's the external. Then internally there's a ruach chodosh. There is a little bit of it, maybe even more than a little bit. That's driven by a certain sense of l'olishma, things that we're not so proud of. But a person should not kasher shalom come to think that that's all there is on the inside, because deeper than all the ruach chodosh that I have is another layer of gold, another layer of the real reason I'm doing this in my heart of hearts. Even though I'm not always in touch with this part of me, the real reason I'm sticking is because I want to be. Because Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave me a neshama, and not for one second has my neshama ever been distant from the Rebbe Nisroel.

22:55 The design of the Aroon is gold, atzey shitim, and then gold. The outsides are gold, the external accents are gold. But then there is the atzey shitim. There is no such thing as an Aroon that doesn't contain some ruach shtus. The nature of the Aroon. Is that it doesn't deny human imperfection. The nature of the aron is that it recognizes human perfection. Hakadosh Baruch Hu could have told us to build an aron that doesn't have any stus in it. But then who would be allowed in yeshiva? Only perfect people. Only perfect people would be allowed in yeshiva. That's not an aron. And Aaron has gold outsides, gold actions, and a ruach shlos, but then an internal gold box—the deepest level of who you are. The deepest level of who you are is gold, and it yearns to connect to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And that's the real reason why you're shaygu.

23:51 I there's a part of me that shalom l'shma but say there—you have parts But there's a self underneath all those parts that yearns to get close to the Rebbeinu Sholom And it's not fake at all. And this is what Rava means. Rava looked at the Aron and he said, "You should be tocho kebaro." What does it mean? But there's ruach stus in there. That's exactly what Rava says. That's what it means to be tocho kebaro. Identify yourself by your most internal desires. That's what it means to be tocho kebaro. I is a ruach stus to say there. The Aron contains your ruach stus. An iron that's made only of gold does not reflect the reality. There's an unbelievable medrash. The medrash tells us that the Atzei Shitim in the Mishkan The Ruach Shmos was mechaper for the Chayta Egal. What does this mean? The Chayta Egal was the ultimate Ruach Shmos. So we use the azeshitim in the Mishkan to be mechaper for the chet ha'eigel.

25:04 So I want to tell you an unbelievable thing. Where do these azeshitim come from? These azeshitim, these cedar trees, they had quite a journey. Let's work backwards. The first place they came from was none other than Yaakov Avinu. Yaakov Avinu understood that one day Moshe Rabbeinu was going to have to use these azeshitim. So he brought them from Eretz Yisrael to Mitzrayim. He planted them in Mitzrayim, and before Klal Yisrael went into the Midbar, we chopped down those cedar trees, those atzei shittim that Yaakov Avinu planted for use in the Mishkan. That's the first level. But there's a backstory even to that, because Yaakov Avinu had to get these atzei shittim from somewhere. Where did he get the atzei shittim from? Before Yaakov Avinu went down to Mitzrayim. Every word in the pasuk in the psukim are so precious. It happens so quickly in the psukim. You wouldn't even see it coming.

26:00 It's unbelievable. Before Yaakovinu goes down to Mitzrayim, Yosef Atadik is alive. He stops in Beersheva. What else happened in Beersheva? Many years earlier, there was a hotel in Beersheva. Who made that hotel? Was ist Avram Avinu? Avraham Avinu had a hotel in Beersheva. He had an eshel, and what he did was have an orchard, and what was the orchard made of? Atzei Shitin. And he fed people from that orchard. So that's an unbelievable story that these atzei shitim have. Avram Avinu planted the atzei shitim. Yaakov Avinu, before he went down to Mitzrayim, took those atzei shitim and replanted them in Mitzrayim. They grew there for 210 years. Before Klal Yisrael left Mitzrayim to go into the Midbar, we took the atzei shitim with us. Why? So that Moshe Rabbeinu, when he's building the Mishkan, could build the Mishkan with the atzei shitim, so we could have the atzei shitim in the Aaron.

26:49 Why do we need such a story about these atzei shitim? From, you with me? I want to tell you an unbelievable tirah. From, people don't know. From is a light. From is an unbelievable light. He goes stiller, right in the yeshiva. He goes quietly. Nobody knows. You see, From has a light on his face. People aren't paying attention. You should know. You're illuminating this whole room. I'm looking right at you the whole time. There's no reason to do that. He's you don't have to do that. Make that noise. Gaiim don't make that noise. We don't have to make that noise. From is a haleluk person. From, listen to this tirah. It's for you. It's for everybody, but you and me—we're talking a little bit. I want to share with you something so special. Yaakov Avinu is the Midah of Emes. Avram Avinu is the Midah of Chesed.

27:38 There are two dimensions to the Atzei Shitim. The first dimension to the Atzei Shitim is that you have to know these Atzei Shitim are the Midah of Emes. How could you say the atze shitem or the midah of emes? The atze shitem are the ruach stus. They're the silly things that we do. What's the emes of the ruach stus? Listen carefully, boys. The emes of the ruach stus is you have to know that those moments where you have your yuridas, those moments where you make mistakes Where you act in a way that's local kachtof. Maybe you got caught up because everyone was doing it, and you went along with it. Maybe you were the leader of it. I don't know. You had a rosh tuss. You should know the ms of that moment. The ms of that moment is it's the best thing that ever happened to you.

28:30 The best thing that ever happened to you was that rosh tuss. Because if you hang on long enough and you do the work You should know that in time you're going to realize. The learning that you did in your life, the most learning came from where? From the mistakes that you made. You see, we do this thing: we coddle people. We don't allow people to make mistakes. We don't allow them to make mistakes because we're afraid they'll never get back up. But that's silly Because the only way for people to learn is to make mistakes. That's what Chazal say: "Ein li matay elim kei nichsholba." You have to make mistakes if you want to learn. You have to be willing to make mistakes. Children make mistakes. When we were learning to walk, we did. We fell. That's how we learned to walk. When we were little, we said things that were socially awkward. We wouldn't play with our toys. We wouldn't share with others. That's how we learned to share, because we saw that it didn't work.

29:26 Businesses make mistakes. That's how you learn. You made a mistake. You didn't make that sale. You say, I'm going to do it better next time. We're so afraid of people making mistakes that we coddle them. It's okay to make a mistake, and it's okay to be held accountable for your mistake. That's how you learn. But you have to recognize that you made a mistake. But say that you made a mistake. It's not the end of the world. You made a mistake. Shkoyach, you made a mistake. But there's emphasis on that mistake. You shouldn't think Chassid Shalom for one minute that just because you did the chayta ego, that's who you are. That's not the emes. The mess of the ruach stos is eventually going to take you to the highest possible levels. There are stories I want to tell that I can't tell, but I want you to know. I want to tell them very badly, but I can't do it; it would be inappropriate.

30:19 But I sometimes laugh. I sometimes laugh because there are big rabbanim today in the world, big rabbanim, and not being mezuzal on them at all. They're amazing people. They're shtagged like crazy. On the outside, they look very perfect. Big tummy, the chachamim, leaders of their community. Some of those guys were in mevasseret at 18 years old and I knew them. And they were burgers. Serious burgers And they made silly mistakes, and I was there for it. And it was geshmack. It was silly mistakes. It was mistakes, the mistakes of children. But they became big tummy, the chachamim, leaders of their community. The M. S. Is that they stig from that ruach tos They stig from it tremendously. I like to tell the story that many years ago in yeshiva there was a young man. I don't want to say which high school he went to, but a very chashuvah high school with very chashuvah rabbanim.

31:22 The rabbanim in that high school, these guys were major talmidei chachamim. This young man had been nichshel in a certain avera. And he wanted to admit to a rebbe that he had done the averi. He was so broken by it, so he decided to share with me that he had done an averi. And he shared with me a secret that he had—a secret that he was very embarrassed of. And understandably, it's a very embarrassing secret. He had a desire to be a rebbe when he grew up. Very embarrassing. Who wants to be a rebbe? Nursing homes, hard money lending, homeless shelters—this is what people want to grow up to be. Cash advance. Nobody wants to grow up to be a rebbe. He was very embarrassed to tell me. He started crying. He said, "Rebbe, I'm never going to be able to be a Rebbe." I said, "Why not?" He goes, "Because I did this avera. I said, "So?" He goes, "My rebbeim were perfect."

32:12 How could I possibly be a Rebbe? My rebbeim were perfect. His rebbeim were amazing, talmidei chachamim, very big people. Huge. His rebbeim were kids, just like us. They were teenagers, trying to figure it out, making mistakes, living life. Rebbe, my rebbeim never made a mistake like this. They did. They did. Reish Lakish was a bandit. Reish Lakish was a gladiator. Ruvakiva said that when he saw Talmud Chacham before he became from, he wanted to bite him on the heel like a donkey. He hated Talmidei Chachamim. The greatest of the great were imperfect when they were young. The ms of the ruach shdoz is it's going to be the best thing that ever happened to you if you hang on long enough to learn from it. Unfortunately, some people check out and they say, "I made that mistake. It's over. It's farfallen. I'm not perfect. I'm not tochel kibara." And even deeper Even deeper, I want to tell you something. There's kedusha.

33:17 There's kedusha to your ruach shdoz. There's holiness here, ruach shlos. What's the holiness of my ruach shlos? The holiness is... Avram Avinu also had a ruach shlos. He also had a ruach shlos. You know what his ruach shlos was? The ruach shlos of Avram Avinu was that he got up in front of the entire world and he said, "I'm going to change the world." He came into a world of idolatry. We don't have a sense of what idolatry is in this world. We think idolatry means like we read the Gemaras about idolatry. So we read, it was a funny way that they served Baal Peor. There was a funny way that they served this god. They davened, they put food, they did all, culminate stupidity. However, that's not idolatry. Idolatry is the single worst theology to ever come into the world. Ideology created human sacrifice. Ideology created war. Ideology created theft and power and meaningless control.

34:10 Idolatry is the single worst thing to ever happen to the world. And Avram Avinu came into a world we don't have child sacrifice today. You're not walking around in America today in South Dakota meeting goyim that are sacrificing their children to Amagama or whatever god they're worshiping. You're talking about idolatry. Avram Avinu walked into a world a broken, filthy, disgusting, despicable world, and he said, "Come." I'm opening a hotel, and the chaver came. They came to the hotel. Who doesn't want a good hotel? They were going away for Pesach. They came to Avram Avinu's hotel. And Avram Avinu gave them fruit from what? From the eshul that he planted, from these cedar trees. And at the end, he presented them with a bill. And they said, 'Whoa, we didn't realize how much it costs.' He goes, 'You don't have to pay. You just have to recognize that everything came from Al Kadosh Baruch Hu.'

35:00 And Avram Avinu, Chazal tell us, was makarev half of the known world at that time. The ruach stus is that Avram Avinu showed up to a world that was broken, and he said, "I could fix it." That's crazy. Today people are cynical. Today people don't dream anymore. It's impossible to make a change. Avram Avinu didn't know the word impossible. He had a ruach stus. So you think you have a ruach stus, and you did a stupid thing, and you did something the Yeshiva is not proud of. And maybe other people got involved, and maybe it was a whole matziv. So let's tear down the whole system of rosh tshuas. If you tear down the system of rosh tshuas, you're also going to tear down another type of tshuas, which is their ability to look at the world and have these crazy thoughts that they're going to change the world.

35:53 Every person who dreamed a dream It's a rosh tshuas. You think you're going to change the world? The insane people change the world, the ones who look at a world and go, "It's possible for me to change this thing." This whole yeshiva is a dream, and I'll be honest with you, it's an insane dream. I've been a part of this yeshiva now as a rebbe for the last 18 years. If you had come to me 18 years ago and you had said We're going to be sitting here 18 years later with you guys in the yeshiva at 11:45 on a Thursday night with Rishimun sitting next to me playing guitar for the last two years. I would have said, "Of course it's going to happen. Of course you're going to have a yeshiva with frams and socles and books and Gutmanns and Bennies. The whole chaver is going to be here. Of course it's going to happen."

36:44 How do you know it's going to happen? Rav Isaacson told me it was going to happen. This is his dream, and he dreamed this 18 years ago. 18 years ago, Rav Isaacson was the menahel of this yeshiva, and 17 years ago he became rasha shiva of this yeshiva. And he dreamed this, and he breathes this into reality every day. Why do you think he shows up on the day that his wife is having surgery and he shows up to give her a gift? Because this is not for him a joke. This is not a job. This is not a career. Everyone knows the famous Rosh Yeshiva story. He could have been a lawyer and a wild gatchel, and he was fast tracked to make partner, and he threw it away to become a sholom eshev and mivas aretz yon. Everyone knows the story. And then Rav Aviel comes along and says, "I could do both."

37:33 And then Reversal says You're a heart doctor. I'm a brain doctor. I'm a neurosurgeon. It's not true, but he tells everyone. It's not a job. It's not a career. This is a dream. And the rebbeim live it every single day, and the talmidim live it every single day. You're all nuts. You're all crazy. You're going to come from Chicago. You're going to come from Maryland. You're going to come from New Jersey. You're going to come from Los Angeles, and you decide, Nah, I could be a big talmud cham. I come from the five towns. I'm going to be a big talmud chacham. There's guys in this room right now that one day you're going to look and you're going to. I was in yeshiva with that guy Rafi ben simon, Rav rafi ben simon. Today's a yeshiva in florida. He was a great wide receiver in Mevaseret. Rabbi Josh Kahn was running TABC today. Was a great wide receiver in Mavasaret.

38:35 The list goes on and on. I sat next to Rabbi Alan Yubin in the beis medrash. I sat next to Rabbi Jacob Green in the beis medrash. We went to eat for Shabbos together. These people are leaders in their community. You guys are sitting there. What a chutzpah! A guy's going to come from Chicago here, Hakadosh, and he's going to say, "You know what I could be?" Who says? What are you nuts? You know what the answer is? You're talking nuts. It's the same lunacy that drives you to do an avera. It's that very same lunacy that will drive you to be a massive bentira. Don't rob people of their ability to make mistakes. If you take away the ruach stos on one end, you're going to take away the ruach stos on the other. That insane kid becomes the insane leader of Chol Yisrael and he does crazy things. Again, I don't want to say any details, but you should know that one of the biggest chamid chachamim in Yerushalayim today in the American community is a guy I was in high school with. I don't want to tell any stories, but boys, this guy was pushit psychotic. You have that friend that you're too scared to go with.

39:37 Like some kids, you'll go to like do whatever with, and this guy, you know that he has no boundaries. Pushit no boundaries. That's why he's a massive tamochachem today, because he had no ceiling, just like he had no floor. It's not exciting when you have good boys that don't know how to make mistakes, tiny little robots that do everything they should. You'll create mediocre people that way. People who make mistakes Shmack. Those guys are going to be unbelievable. Maybe there needs to be a moment where it's uncomfortable. A rabbi needs to hold them accountable. A hard shmu's. There's some butting of heads. It's good. It brings up the topic. Let's have the hard conversation. The Hamayim Yavin. I'm not going to say any details, but every single person in this room knows what I'm talking about. And this Rebbe gives a shmuuz. I don't like that shmuuz. Who says it? Fight it out. Go to the dorms and hack about it.

40:38 Why is the Rebbe right? Why is the Rebbe wrong? Take sides, not against each other. Take sides against the ideas. Hack it out. You'll become talmidei chachamim this way. You'll spike this way. Avraham Avinu was insane, and it worked. And here we are, thousands of years later, and we're still learning the Torah that Avram Avinu set up for us. That's a yeshiva. What was Rambamliel's mistake? He was tochel kebaro, not tochel kebaro like us. He really was one gold aron in front of another. He was unbelievable. Rambamliel was a tzaddik through and through. He had eviscerated his ruchdos. But he wasn't like everybody else. And he came to the house of Rabbi Yeshua. And he said, "The walls are black." I didn't know you were a blacksmith. And Reb Yeshua says such a powerful line. It's a line for us. Woe to a generation of leaders. It's a muster for every rebbe in yeshiva. Woe to a generation of leaders that doesn't know how the Talmidei Chachamim are actually living. They don't know the struggles. If you're a rebbe and you think your Talmidim are perfect And you don't know that inside. The walls are covered in soot.

41:53 It's a tremendous tamochachem, Rav Yeshua. But the inside was a struggle. The inside was a blacksmith. And when Amaleal comes to his house and he actually sees what's going on inside, and he's blown away by it. I didn't know that you weren't all like me. I didn't know that you still are holding by those rachnoses in your life. I didn't know the walls were black. Rav Yeshua is not embarrassed that the walls are black. He says, "Rabbi, how could you not know that I was struggling?" I know my external actions are great, but how could you not know that on the inside this is how I live? It's a mussar for the rebbeim. A rebbe's job is to know that a talmud isn't perfect, and a rebbe's job is to teach that talmud the beauty of their imperfections. Don't identify yourself by your lowest moment. That's the worst rachtos. Know that your lowest moment could become your highest moment. Know that it's the same wind of insanity that brought you to do that silly thing. That's also not going to bring you to your greatness.

42:53 That's a yeshiva. There's a lot that I'm not saying. I want you to know very clearly. I'm not saying it because I'm embarrassed to say it. I would say it. I'd say it publicly. I have no problem. I have no problem saying it. I'm not saying it because Really Chaval Chaval, chaval to sit here and talk about a rosh Chaval to sit and talk about a mistake. What are we talking about? We're going to sit here and we're going to harp on all the lowest moments. Baruch Hashem, there are rebbeim in the yeshiva that know how to say it straight. They know how to get under guys' skin. They know how to make a problem. That's great. That's unbelievable. That means you have rebbeim that know what's going on inside your house. It's a great shmuus to give. That's a great shmuus to give. I just want to accompany that shmuus because that shmuus is so powerful and so beautiful. And I have such unbelievable schuss to sit next to that rebbe. Who you should know, if I was in yeshiva, I would be his talmud.

44:11 That would be the only shir I would want to go to because I needed that mussar at 18 years old. I needed that very real. Let's have the conversation. Givaldik. I also just want to present one more voice, just one more voice in the symphony of voices in our yeshiva. Baruch Hashem Lebedik crew. I like that. We make mistakes. We strike from our mistakes. That's who we are as a yeshiva. We don't judge people. We hold people accountable. Adraba, we know they're going to be great. We know they're going to be great. So beseder Waiter in cash. There's gold on the outside. There's a roch stus on the inside, but there's a deeper gold that's on the inside. Rabbi, I have a beautiful shabbos.