Ki Tavo - The Secret of Serving Hashem With Joy

1:51 And because of that, what happens to her? All of the tochecha happens because she wasn't serving Hashem with joy. Do you girls hear the problem with this? It doesn't, at first glance, seem to make sense. If even if I'm not the best husband in the world because I wasn't serving Hashem with joy I wasn't serving my wife with joy. But I came home every day. I went to work, got paid, brought home a paycheck, and took out the garbage. That's a pretty good husband. He changes the light bulbs. Does that mean that my wife is going to divorce me because I wasn't thrilled every time I was taking out the garbage? It sounds like a very strange thing, but this is what the Torah says to us. We have to understand why there is such a severe punishment just because you didn't serve Hashem with joy.

2:40 And another question: Where are we commanded to serve Hashem with joy? Does anyone know where the commandment is? Is there a commandment in the Torah? Is there a mitzvah in the Torah that you're supposed to serve Hashem with joy? Anyone know? The answer is there is no mitzvah in the Torah. There is no separate mitzvah in the Torah that we're supposed to serve Hashem with joy. So how could it possibly be that because we didn't serve Hashem with joy Everything is out the window? Makes sense. Good question. So far so good. It requires you to go like this so that I know that you're paying attention. Can we try it again? Good questions. Everyone understand that? Excellent. You have to understand from my perspective when you're sitting there like this. I have no idea what's happening inside of you. The note takers, I understand, I see them taking notes, and then there's a whole island of just blank faces. You can participate in this year by going like this So far, so good.

3:41 Let's take an enormous step back. I'm going to ask the single most basic question in all of Judaism: Why did Hashem create the world? That's the most basic. There cannot be a more basic question than that. If you believe in God, I'm not looking for answers. But I appreciate that you're on top of your game. If you believe in God Then the next thing you have to say is Why? Why did He do this? Let's start here. Did Hashem have to create the world? Obviously not. Obviously not. A perfect God does not have the imperative that He has to do anything at all. So the most basic question that a person can ask is, "Why is there something instead of nothing?" If God created the world, it must be that He created the world for a particular purpose. There's many answers to this question. Did you know that even within Judaism, there are many answers to this question? Why exactly did Hashem create the world? Even though this is not the only answer, and it's actually not even my favorite answer, tonight I want to share with you the answer of the Ramchal that the Ramchal gives in Derech Hashem, and I believe that I put it on the paper in front of you in the Hebrew and in the English. The purpose of creation? Why did Hashem create the world? So the Ramchal says two things that I want to highlight tonight.

5:10 And for all of you that have always said, I never know why anything is the way it is in Judaism, tonight's year is going to begin to answer those questions. Hopefully, we're going to answer those questions a lot this year. But let's answer a very basic one: Hashem desires—I'm going to use my words—and then you'll see that it's in the words of the Ramchal. Hashem desires to have a relationship with us. That's it. It's a very simple answer. Hashem wants to have a relationship with you. And when you're in a relationship with someone, what do you want to do for the other person? If it's a real relationship I want to give. What do I want to give? I want to give the maximum. I'm a father. By the way, I'm a grandfather now. I have two grandchildren. I'm expecting, Bezu Hashem. And when I say I, I mean my daughter, expecting a third grandchild, Bezu Hashem, in a couple of months.

5:58 I love grandchildren. Children are okay. Grandchildren are amazing. Grandchildren are amazing. All of you are just for your parents, just waiting to have grandchildren. Your parents love you, but they really want grandchildren from you. I'm a father and a grandfather. You know what I want to give to my kids? You know what I certainly want to give to my grandkids? I want to give them everything. I want to give them the best of everything. My grandson Ellie is my oldest grandson. Ellie, if he would ask me for anything right now, I'll give it to him. And my daughter hates that. So my grandson was over for Shabbos. And we brought my son-in-law, a different son-in-law, a birthday cake. Even though his birthday turns out is in two weeks, we celebrated it early because we didn't know. So we made him this big birthday cake. And Ellie was sitting right next to me. And the next thing my daughter knows, there's a giant piece of chocolate cake with all the buttercream frosting on top on his plate. And my daughter says, "Abba, why did you give that to him? What's the answer?"

6:54 Because he has love. Because I'm a grandfather. And what do grandfathers want to do for their grandchildren? Everything. My daughter is like, but Abba, now he's going to get all sick. I'm like, that's your problem, right? That's your problem. You have to deal with him being sick. I have to deal with giving him cake. I had to deal with you being sick when my parents did it to me. You understand? So I want to give my grandson everything in the world, and I want to give him not just good stuff. I want to give him the best stuff. Hashem says, "I want to create a relationship with you. What do I want to give you? I want to give you the maximum, the best of everything. What is the best thing that Hashem can give?" What is the single greatest thing that Hashem can give? A connection. A connection with Him.

7:40 If Hashem is perfect, then Hashem is the best possible thing we could have in our life. So Hashem says, "I want to create you so that I could have a relationship with you, so that I could share myself with you." Does this sound familiar? Let's try this one more time. Does this sound familiar? That was terrible. Does this sound familiar? Let's try it one more time. Excellent. We're getting into it. This section over here, A plus. This section over here, getting like a C. This section over here, we're getting a B. We try this one more time in harmony. Does this make sense to you? Yes. Still stink at this. We're going to work with this section of the room. By the end of the year, you're going to be caught up to these seven young women right here who are leading the pack. Hashem wants to give the best. He wants to give himself. Why does this sound familiar? It's called marriage.

8:32 When you get married, what do you want to give to somebody else? I want to give me. I tell you what I don't want to give. I don't want to give anything that's just like stuff. So if my wife says, "I love you," I bake cakes for you. That's great. I love cake, but I want you. If your wife says "I love the fact that you bring home a paycheck," that means you love money, not me Does that make sense? So in a relationship, in a real relationship, in a deep relationship, in an essential relationship, what do we share? We share ourselves because the single greatest thing that we have is ourselves. That's what we have to give. That's why it's so frustrating when we're in a relationship with somebody and they're not present. You ever have a situation like that? Let's say you meet someone and the entire time that you're with them, they're just hanging out with other people.

9:36 I remember when a very rude thing happened in the world. I remember when call waiting became a thing. It used to be that if you called on the phone and somebody was on the phone You got a busy signal. Today, if you're on the phone and somebody else calls in, you get a call waiting. What do you do? You go hang on one second, somebody else is calling. Do you realize how absurd that is? But you're on the phone with me now. Why would you get off the phone with me to get on the phone with somebody else? Or I'll make it worse. How obnoxious is it when you're talking to somebody and they just go, "Wait one second," or they don't even say, "Wait one second," and they just start texting somebody else? Why are you talking to them? I'm in the middle of talking to you. What's the problem with doing that?

10:23 Because what I wanted was to talk to you. Where are you? I'm on the phone. Not here. The there today in yeshiva, the boys had the afternoon. They all went to their rebbeim's houses for like a sheer chill in the afternoon. A sheer chill in the afternoon. So one of the rebbeim sniped a picture. By the way, you like that? I know the word sniped. Low key, I'm farming aura all day long. I have D1 level rabbis. Thank you for coming with me on this journey of hanging out with 18 year old boys, so I speak your brain rot language. Stay here. I'll teach you what it means to be low key cool. Guy This summer he goes, Rabbi, you're the rizzler. I was like, please, that's enough. I am that cool. I'm really not. The and I never was but the. One of the rebbeim sniped a picture of the guys today in his house. They're all sitting on the couch, seven guys with their phones out.

11:37 It's like you're there, but you go somewhere to be somewhere else. That's a crazy thing. You go somewhere to be somewhere else. What's the gift that you should give yourself in that moment? The gift that we should give ourselves in every single moment is to show up to that moment. And we don't. We don't show up to our moments. Even now, there are people that aren't showing up to this moment. It's an amazing thing. Girls have these dreams, right? I'm going to come to seminary. Your whole high school, you've been thinking I'm going to come to seminary. I'm going to come to Shulaim, Yerachodesh, the holiest place in the world. I'm going to come to Sharfman's. I'm even going to come to Sharfman's despite all the Sharfman's jokes. Which I don't make because I think they're absolutely inappropriate. Hysterical, but absolutely inappropriate. I don't make them because I don't want to be offensive.

12:29 I am a sharpman's girl. I identify as a sharpman's. We showed up. You came here. You traveled thousands of miles to come to these classes to be in this environment to sit in your bed and watch YouTube shorts. The nature of reality. Is that the single best way to live your life is to show up and give the gift of yourself? That's the greatest thing you can give to somebody else. That's pretty phenomenal. That's a pretty phenomenal thing to learn from the Ramchal. If you came six thousand miles and this is the only thing you learned, that would be an amazing gift. And yet the Ramchal says something else. The Ramchal adds on to this and he says as follows: But Hashem wants you to earn. The best thing in the world is him. Why? Because if you don't earn it It doesn't feel good.

13:30 There's a major difference between winning the lottery and earning a paycheck. And we all know that as awesome as it is to win that scratch-off It's much better to put in the work and actually earn your money. Isn't that true? Anyone here worked this summer in a camp? I'll tell you what I like in camp. I like when I was growing up. I like the paycheck. I loved the tips. No tips. That's terrible. I give you a bracha. The next place you work Tips through the wazoo. Unbelievable tips. Why are tips better than the paycheck? The paycheck is good. Why is the tip great? Go for it. Because tips are unexpected. It's I did such a good job for your child. And that's why even a small tip, a little bit above, makes a huge difference. You were supposed to tip twenty dollars, instead you tip twenty-five. That's just a nice little way of saying you really earned this. There's something amazing. Somebody comes to you and they hand you a thousand dollars. Doesn't feel so good.

14:34 Somebody comes to you and they say you worked for that thousand dollars. You take it, you put it in the bank account. There's this feeling of a job well done. If you get unearned money, it doesn't feel so good. If it's like money that I earned, but not in a real way, it doesn't really feel so good. Can I tell you an amazing story? There's a boy in yeshiva this year. I like this guy a lot. He's one of the favorites. This guy has unbelievable sense of humor. He showed up to yeshiva wearing orthopedic shoes and one of those giant svardi yarmulkes, like the red, colored yarmulkes. He's not svardi at all. His uncle paid him four thousand dollars to wear it for a week. So he shows up first day of Yeshiva. You know how it is. You girls are used to this, right? Remember, you know how you're all being judgmental to each other these last three days of looking around, my friend, is she gonna be part of my squad? Not part of my squad? Is she gang like that? Can she hold with me? Can she hang with me, right? Everyone's got their crew that they're looking at, do I belong here? Do I not belong here? You're all sitting with those judgmental eyes. Could you imagine showing up and saying? For the first week of yeshiva, I'm gonna dress like an absolute doofus.

15:47 But it's so good because now everyone in yeshiva knows him. He walked around introducing himself as Jafar from Aladdin. I love this guy's personality. The guy's a rock star. The guy's a rock star. He's D1. He's a rock star. You know what I love about it? I love that he has this amazing personality, this confidence. Everybody knows who he is. Day one. You know the four thousand dollars when it was deposited into his bank account. I'll bet you it didn't feel amazing. 'Cause he didn't really earn it, right? He did something, but the work itself wasn't that important. When you work in the summer with a group of kids, especially if you do hard work I had the privilege when I was a kid growing up. I worked in a special bunk within the camp that was for special needs kids. It's a program now called the Diamond Summer Program in the Five Towns. Today it's called the. Back then it was called L I J. The work was exceptionally hard.

16:45 And at the end of the summer, when you got those tips and you got that paycheck, you felt like a million bucks because you earned it. The most amazing thing about love? The most amazing thing about love is that I get to show up every day, ready to be your husband, ready to be your father, and when you look at me in that loving way, I know it's because I showed up today. Of course, the love is essential, but the fact that I worked for it makes it amazing. That's the feeling you get when you do something special for your spouse. That's why, let's say you're your husband's birthday. You decide you're going to make his favorite meal. You come home early. You send the kids out. You make like a four, like four-course, five-star, Michelin five-star gourmet meal. When your husband walks in the door, what's the value—the food or the work that you put in?

17:34 The work. Let's try that one more time. What's the value, the food or the work that you put in? Work. Excellent. From these two sides, you are terrible. Let's go. We're going to get good at this. Some of you are good. The rest of you are silent. Do not be mute. It's an important thing in your life. Unmute yourselves. So far, so good. Because when he has that reaction, what did I do? I earned it. Of course, when he walks in the door, he's happy to see me. But when he sees I just put in two hours' worth of work into making this, he goes, "Man, she must really like me." So the work makes a huge difference. And if he walks in and he doesn't even comment on how hard you must have worked, as if it just magically appears on the plate Doesn't feel so nice. Rabbi Pesach Krohn, I love Rabbi Pesach Krohn. He's an amazing speaker. He has a great line. He says to the women, "If you want your husband to thank you for making the challah, thank him for bringing home the bread."

18:32 I like that one. His wife teaches in my school, and she always says that. What school is that? My wife went to Shabbat too. And if the wife is the one bringing home the money, he should absolutely thank her. And you're right. You're 100% right. If the husband is not thankful for his wife who wakes up in the morning and gets the kids off, then goes to work, and then comes home and does homework and dinners and bath time. She puts in a tremendous amount of work. If the husband comes home and just assumes that it's muvan me'ilav, that it's just understood that she's going to do it, how chaval is that? What a terrible lost opportunity to tell your wife I deeply appreciate you. So Hashem says, I don't want to give you this bread without you earning it. I don't want to give you this reward without you earning it. Because if I do, what are you going to feel? You're going to feel pathetic. You're going to feel like a lottery winner.

19:25 You didn't earn that. That's not a real relationship. So two things we learn from the Ramchal. Number one, why does Hashem create the world? He wants a relationship with you. What's the best thing He can give you? Himself. Number two How does Hashem give you Himself? He says, "I'm ready to give. What do I need you to do? Earn it." Work hard. So Hashem gives us mitzvos, He gives us avers, and He says, 'Work hard.' Everything you're saying, I really understand, but I feel like with Hashem, He's the ultimate power. If it was earned or if it wasn't earned. I would feel like it would be the same because it's just like an unimaginable feeling to have a connection with God. Whether it's earned or given, I feel like that. It is an unimaginable feeling to have a relationship with Hashem because He's infinite, and the fact that I was able to have a relationship with the infinite is amazing.

20:17 But it's not amazing because he wants to have a relationship with me. That's of course. That's why He created the world. He created the world in such a way that I have the opportunity to earn a relationship with Him, and earned is always better, even with God. So you're saying that the earning part is the precious part of it? That's correct. That's exactly, and I like that word. It's the precious part. That's perfectly said. So with this in mind, I want to share with you an unbelievable psychological principle. Once you know this, this is a game changer. This will change literally your entire life. When you receive something without earning it, it diminishes the joy that you feel, which is why we have a human instinct not to want to feel like we're indebted to anybody else. Can you repeat that? Absolutely. Say it again.

21:14 Because Hashem created the world in a way that when we get charity, when it's unearned, it diminishes the joy. We have a human instinct. We don't want to feel like we're indebted to anyone else. When someone does us a favor, what do they say? Now you owe me one. Or if somebody does us a favor, what do we say to them? Next time I got you. Why do we do that? Why do we have a natural feeling like we don't want to be indebted to anyone? Or I'll put it a little bit differently. Same concept, but a little bit differently. If somebody says to you,"How you doing?" Most people go,"Okay." Not bad. What should you say? Incredible. Incredible. Incredible. Amazing. You want to know how you know that your life is amazing? Because when Chas v'Shalom you lose a little bit of it, what happens?

22:08 Now you know to count your blessings. It happens to be I'm just getting over a cold that's been like for a week, like almost a week and a half at this point. You know the feeling that you have a cold that you can't breathe. And then, do it right now. Take a breath. If you're not stuffed up, isn't it amazing? It's an amazing thing to feel like you could take a breath. Yet we do that all the time, and we don't think about it. When do you start thinking about that? It's awesome to breathe when you get a cold. I have a friend who right now has unfortunately He has cancer. He should be zocher rufu shalema. He's an amazing person. Could be very scary for him. Sometimes he goes blind for no reason in one eye, and all of a sudden he just loses his vision because he has a tumor in his brain. How many of us really, right now, are truly grateful for sight?

22:58 It's that's awesome that you are, but most of us are not. Most of us are walking around. Say that. But most of us are walking around and we don't realize we have depth. We could see depth perception. The world is in color. This world is amazing. Why are we not walking? Somebody says, 'How are you doing?' Should say, 'Amazing.' I am absolutely amazing. Why don't we do that? The answer is because if I say I'm amazing, then I'm going to have to be grateful. And if I'm grateful, it means I'm indebted. It means I owe someone something. So we downplay how awesome life is because we're afraid to owe something to someone else. How's your life? Unbelievable! You just got on a plane. Do you know how long it would have taken you to get to Israel, 40 years ago, 50 years ago? You would have had to take a boat.

23:51 My grandparents, when they came to Israel in the 60s, they took a boat. How many of you would have come to Semit involved taking a boat? I can't imagine a lot of you. Maybe a couple of you. I can't imagine a lot of you. I'm not taking. You imagine like a girl today hashtag. I'm not taking a boat. I'm not about that boat life. I'm not even gonna try to do the acronym of what the hashtag would be. You went on a plane. You know what you should be doing on a plane the entire time? You should be gripping the armchair. Like you should be gripping and going, I'm flying! I'm flying! This is amazing! You flew through the air at 25,300 miles an hour. At 30,000 feet. And you arrived in Israel, and you said it's so cramped on El Al. The food is terrible.

24:44 There were snacks while you traveled through a metal tube in the air. You had snacks on the way. The Wi-Fi is so slow. That's nuts. Why are we so ungrateful? Not because we're bad people. We're ungrateful because gratitude comes with being indebted. I don't want to feel like I owe anything to anyone. But isn't being alive like you're already indebted? You're already indebted. But I don't want to pay attention to that. I don't want to acknowledge the fact that there is a creator that made my life awesome. In the history of humanity, we have it better than it's ever been before. Do you think kings slept on the pillows that we sleep on? Do you think they had air conditioning or heat? Do you think the food that they ate was spiced? They only had whatever regional spices that they had in that country, and the chefs that made their food used an open fire. They didn't have ovens the way that we have ovens.

25:46 It, if you lived till 35, you were an old man. That's why people got married when they were children. Because everyone died young. You have modern medicine. It's a crazy thing. Used to be, you got a cold, that was the end. That's real. Today, you're like people walking around like 90-year-olds again. Because in human history, you never lived this long. It's an unbelievable thing, and we're only getting better at it. We live in the most amazing time in history. Why are we so miserable? We're miserable because we're not grateful. Why are we not grateful? I don't want to owe anything to anybody. But we do owe something to somebody. Let's finish this up. The Gemara in Abodah Zarah says that we were ungrateful for the man. Why were we ungrateful for the man? Because ingratitude comes with being human. Who was the first ungrateful person? Adam. Adam Marisha was the first ungrateful person. What happened? He sinned. God said, "Why'd you do this?" What did he say?

26:50 It's this wife that you gave me. And that started a long line of men blaming women for their problems. I'm glad you like that. What's your name? Where are you from? Leia Baltimore. Leia Baltimore. I like that Leia Baltimore. You have a Baltimore sense of humor. What's your last name, Leia? Don't tell me. The Leia Baltimore. It's a perfect name for you. Ingratitude is built into the human condition because I am afraid of being indebted. So far, so good. If the first sin came about because man was ungrateful, then what's our job in this world? Be grateful. Be grateful. And if you're grateful, what are you going to be? Joyful. Now let's go back to the very beginning. What does the Torah say? All of the klalos that you're going to get, all of the tochah, is why? Because you are not joyous. Now look at the words of the pasuk. I put it in front of you. Tachas Hashem lo avaritas Hashem lo okecha b'simcha uvtul leivav. Because you did not serve God with joy, may rov kol. When you had an abundance of everything.

28:06 The whole point of creation is to give you the opportunity to come close to Hashem, so that Hashem can give you Himself. He says, 'I want you to earn it.' Because He says, 'I want you to earn it,' we don't want to feel like we're in debt. Now here we are, and we're serving Hashem. You woke up in the morning, you got dressed, you davened, you went to class, you did everything, but you were not. Joyous. Why is that such a problem? Because joy comes with gratitude. Why did you stay ungrateful? Because you didn't want to be indebted to God. A person who lacks joy lacks a connection to Hashem. It's a very simple equation. When you meet tzaddikim, you should know. I have met tzaddikim in my life. They are the happiest people in the world. I had the opportunity to meet Rav Chaim Kanievsky, zechut tzaddik lebracha, on a number of occasions.

28:52 He was hysterically funny. He didn't like it when boys wore short sleeves. He wanted people to wear long sleeves. He didn't feel that short sleeves were appropriate. So a little boy comes to him. It happens to be my nephew. The little boy comes to him and jokes with the boy. He goes, "Are you poor?" So the boy goes, 'No.' He goes, 'Tell your father I give him a bracha. He should be able to afford the rest of the shirts.' And he did it with a big smile on his face. A bunch of mivaseret boys went to Rav Chaim. One of the boys had really long hair. Rav Chaim turns to the boy and he goes, 'A tayish oisha, you're a man.' Big smile on his face. The boy wasn't embarrassed at all. Chas v'shalom. He was just so besimcha. You meet the tzaddikim, they're cracking jokes. People tend to think of tzaddikim as super serious. They're focused.

29:39 They're unbelievably joyful. And when you're in their presence, shmak. If you meet, you don't meet angry tzaddikim. You know why? Because they're so grateful to Hashem. Because they don't mind being in debt to Hashem. You know why they don't mind being in debt to Hashem? Because they say, "Of course, I'm indebted to Hashem. Hashem gave me everything. What's my responsibility in this world? To earn it." To earn it. Hashem gives me everything in this world. I earn it, and therefore I'm joyful. What's the goal this year? To be grateful. More importantly, once you're grateful, to be joyful. Based on Hashem, that's what we're going to be. We come to Hashem's palace, and not just Hashem's palace. Yeshalaiyim erakodesh. That means we're literally in the inner sanctum where stones throw away from the Beis Hamikdash. Beis Hashem is going to be rebuilt this year. You're going to be here for the coming of Mashiach. Beis Hashem, we will be zochet to the full true joy of what it means to live with Hashem.