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The pasuk in this week's parsha says, "Vaomer ladoni ulay tolecha ulay lo telecha isha acharai." This is a conversation that's happening between Eliezer and Lavan because Eliezer went to find a wife for Yitzchak And he says, "I said to my master, meaning I said to who? To Avram Avinu." Perhaps the woman won't come with me. Let's say I find the woman and she won't come with me. I imagine many of you are familiar with this Rashi. It's a beautiful Rashi. So Rashi points out that it says a. It could be ulike siv Could be meaning it could also be eli. What does that mean? Bas hayso loli Eliezer. Eliezer had a meaning. I am sorry, Uli was written without a vav. I should have explained that Uli was written without a vav, so it could be written Eli to me. But why Bas hayso loli Eliezer?
Because Eliezer had a daughter. You know this, right? You've learned this before. So Avram beni Baruch v'Ata Aror. The ein arer medabek bebaruch. So Eliezer was looking for some sort of pretext that Avram would say to him, "Why don't we marry Yitzchak to your daughter?" But Avram said a very strange thing, something that's bothered me for years. He said, "My son Yitzchak is baruch" And you, Eliezer, as a descendant of Canaan, you are arer. You're cursed. And blessed and cursed cannot marry each other. And that doesn't sound like Avram Avinu. To say to somebody, "You can't marry my daughter, because you're cursed," or "You can't marry my son because you're cursed, and I'm blessed." It just doesn't sound like a Jewish thing to say. It's not nice. And anyway, what does it even mean? Avram Avinu came from Terach One of the greatest idolaters in the world. Since when do we look at somebody and say? Oh well, since that kid came from this family, so then we don't marry off. If that was the case, we would have married each other. The whole world was idolatrous. So what in the world is Avram Avinu saying?
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My son is blessed, and because you come from Canaan, you're cursed, and they can't marry each other. What does that mean? But aside from that, there's another problem. Because if you look eight psukim earlier This is what Lavan says to Eliezer. Va'yomer bo bruch Hashem lama tamod b'chutz va'anochi pinisi habayis u'makom lagmalim. He said to him, 'Come,' referring to Eliezer. You who are blessed of Hashem, why should you stand outside? I cleared out the house and I have a place for your camels. So eight psukim earlier, what does Lavan say to Eliezer? You're not cursed. You're blessed. You understand what's happening here? Eight psukim later, Eliezer reveals to Lavan that the reason I didn't marry my daughter to Avram Avinu is because Yitzchak is blessed and I'm cursed. But eight psukim earlier, before that, what does Lavan call Eliezer? He calls him, 'You are literally bruch Hashem. You're blessed of the Lord.'
So, what in the world is going on over here? And not only that, listen to what the Medrash says. The Medrash picks up on the fact that Eliezer said. I'm sorry that Lavan said that Eliezer was blessed. And the Medrash says those weren't. It wasn't Lavan speaking; it was Hashem speaking through Lavan, telling Eliezer, 'You are blessed of Hashem. You're bruch Hashem.' It's a wild thing. Hear what's going on here? It's an absolutely wild thing. First of all, we don't know what 'blessed' and 'cursed' means. But whatever it means I when did what changed? Avramavinu tells Eliezer, 'You're cursed.' And now we find out that Eliezer isn't cursed; he's blessed. Which one is it? Is he cursed or is he blessed? Or maybe he was cursed, and now something changed along the way, and somehow he became blessed. You understand the question? Anyone, everyone? Let's say it one more time, just make sure everyone gets it. Originally, in the conversation with Avram Avinu What did Avram say to Eliezer? "You're cursed."
Now we don't know what that means, and it doesn't sound right to us. But now, what do we learn that Hashem, speaking through Lavan, tells Eliezer "You are blessed." So, does that mean Avram Avinu was wrong? Is he cursed or is he blessed? If Hashem sends a message to Eliezer, 'You're blessed,' it must mean that he's blessed. If he's blessed, then why did Avram Avinu tell him that he's cursed? Maybe Avram Avinu was telling him that he was cursed, and something changed, and along the way, he became blessed. But if that's the case, what should be our question? What changed? Everyone got this. So I want to share with you something very deep, very powerful, and something that I just learned today for the first time. I want to share it with you. This is not my idea. Everything that I'm about to share with you comes from Rav Lapianski. Have you girls heard of Rav Lapianski? Rav Lapianski is one of the great Rashi yeshiva of the generation. He lives in Silver Spring, Maryland. He's one of the deepest thinkers. He's a very special person. Rav Lapianski. Isn't he an amazing person? So what I'm sharing with you now is not mine. None of this belongs to Mordechai Berg. This is Rav Lapiansky's Torah, but I'm privileged to be able to share it with you. And for you, this will be a taste of home.
Listen to what Rav Lapiansky says, because it's so deep. When you say that something is blessed It means that something you put in brings out a lot more than was put in. When you say that something was cursed, it means it only produces that which was put in. So explain what this means. If you say that something is blessed, this is deep. It's hard to understand because I haven't unpacked it yet. But if you say that something is blessed, it means I put something in And what came out of that was way more than I put in. Cursed means I put something in, and what I did is I took out that which was put in. But nothing more came. There's no abundance that comes from it. So let's unpack what this means. Let's try to understand it. Everything in the world is really just in a state of being reorganized. You ever think about it that way? Nothing in this world is ever really created. For example, this sh tender. What is this sh tender really?
It's wood, and originally this wood was something else. A carpenter came and took that wood, sanded it down, shaped it, and put it on something else. But all you're really doing in this world is repurposing it. You take wood from here, metal from here. You mold the metal, shape the wood, put the metal on the wood. Boom! You have a stander. Does that make sense? Tell me, is there anything in the world that's really created, or is everything in the world just really shaped? There's nothing that's really created. Everything that exists is just molded to become something else. Nothing is really created. You take a house, what's the house made of? The house is made of wood. So what is a house basically? It's just a repurposed tree. You never really think about it that way, but that's what it is. You're not the creator of the house. You didn't invent the house. You put things together in a particular way that this is what it became. The tree was created. So there's a difference between the tree that was created.
From something bigger than me, right? I can't create a tree. God can create a tree, but what can I do? I can manipulate that tree into being something that I could use. I'm not the creator of the house, but the tree is a creation. Does that make sense? Everything is just repurposed into something else. That's the nature of DNA. The DNA came from somewhere and grows into something else. Sure it is. The baby didn't appear out of thin air. The baby was born of the mother and the father and that union, and that material grows into a child. It's what already exists. It's not new. Taking a tree and making it a table, there's nothing new there. But taking a seed Putting one seed in the ground. This is a bad example, but it's going to work out. You'll see. And you are going to call me out on it because you are smart. Just stay with me for a second.
You put the seed in the ground. What comes forth from that seed? Not just one tree. You put one seed in the ground. And so, again, it could be right that one seed could produce ridiculous amounts of apples. That's called blessing. There is something that comes from beyond. That gives it more than it had to begin with. I'll give you an example of this. You know how sometimes somebody could start a business, and the business kind of just does what the business does. That would be called cursed. Cursed means it's limited to what it is. I started a business. The business was designed to make ten thousand dollars a month, and the business made ten thousand dollars a month. What would it look like to be blessed? Blessed means I started a business that was designed to make ten thousand dollars a month. And it made seven hundred thousand dollars in its first month.
You ever see something like that? You ever see something that you made a vessel that was only supposed to be this big, but all of a sudden it got massive? I'll give you an example of this. I'm thinking of a specific case, so I'm not going to give too many details. Let's say a dear friend of mine started a store. That store, he started it with the intention that it was going to be like a summer job that he had. He was starting a store up in the mountains, like a restaurant-style store. It was up in the mountains in New York, and that store—I don't want to say which one—was designed to be one store. And he became an expert. I'll tell you what it is. It's a sushi store And he became—many of you are aware of this sushi store, especially those of you from New York.
It's called Simply Sushi. You hear Simply Sushi? Simply Sushi is a massive sushi chain today. He started one store. The store did so well that somebody came to him and said, "We want you to open up Simply Sushi in our grocery store. You're going to be the provider of our sushi." He now has over 20 stores. Do you understand the markup on sushi? It's rice and a little bit of salmon for $15 a roll. If you just like to put a little bit of weird stuff on top of it. Something that was designed to make this. Because it was baruch, because it was blessed, it went from being this to being this. Does that make sense? When we say we want to be blessed, what does that mean? I want to have a blessed life. What does that word mean? Everyone in this room wants to have a blessed life. It means we want the vessel that we make to become so full that it should be almost full from beyond. It should get more than it's actually designed to take.
I'll give you an example of this. How much happiness do you want in your marriage? How much blessing? We'll use that. Forget happiness. How much blessing do you want in your marriage? I want more than you. I want more than I expect, right? Because I know what marriage could be, right? That makes sense. Marriage could be really nice. But what if somebody came along and said, 'You seem to have a blessed marriage.' What does that mean? It means your husband goes above and beyond. It means you've been blessed with more children and better children, well-behaved children. Children that are creative and you know and like deep and profound. You've been blessed with so much more. To be blessed is to recognize that something is coming from beyond. To be cursed is to be limited to reality. It's just wood becoming a table. It can't become anything more than a table. That's called cursed.
That's what Avlabianski says. What's the secret to blessing? This is the thing I wanted to share with you tonight. This is why I got so excited to teach this tonight. Listen to what the pasuk in Mishlei says. This is an unbelievable secret that Rav Hapiansky revealed. For those that are with me right now, you're about to learn an amazing secret. The pasuk says, "Ish emunos rav brachos." A person of emuna, a person who has trustworthiness, is a person of blessing. What in the world does that mean? Ish emunos, a person who is trustworthy Rav brachos gets a tremendous amount of blessing in their life, which means as follows: If you have If you have integrity That means you have a massive amount of blessing in your life. Before I even explain it. Is anyone here like say naturally that kind of makes sense? Have you ever met someone who has tremendous integrity and somehow has abundant blessings in their life?
I just want before we even unpack it Do you know people who have so much integrity that you can't imagine them lying? You have somebody in your head right now who's I know that this person would not. I'm not even saying that they would never do the wrong thing, but that they would never betray. You have somebody in your life like that. If you told them a secret, you know it's going nowhere. How is a Jewish secret told? One person at a time. You tell someone a secret and they go, 'You go, don't tell anyone.' And what does that next person do? You can't tell anyone because then they know they're going to know that it comes from me. So don't tell anyone but this. And what does that next person do? You can't tell anyone because I'm the only one that this person told, and they were only told on the condition that they don't tell me. But this It lacks trustworthiness. It lacks integrity. When my daughter got engaged to my son-in-law, a lot of his friends came to the lachaim.
And they have a beautiful minig here in Eretz Yisrael in some of the yeshivas. That before the boys leave the lachaim, they line up in front of the girl's father. And they each say one thing, but it's well crafted. It's not just a random thing. They each say one thing to the father that's amazing about the chasson. So I didn't know that they do this. It's my oldest daughter. So on the night of the lachaim, as they're leaving, they all lined up in front of me, and I'm like I don't know what's going on. And each one of them came and said I want to tell you something about your new son-in-law. And each one said amazing things. But I want to tell you one of the things that one of the boys said. He said, "Your son-in-law is the type of person that if I told him a secret I know that he wouldn't tell anyone. That's an awesome thing, by the way, to hear as a father-in-law. Because what does that mean? My daughter is marrying.
She's marrying a person of integrity. When you meet people who have integrity, we haven't explained why yet, but when you meet people of integrity, somehow you get the sense that they're just a vessel to receive so much abundant blessings in their life. It doesn't necessarily mean materialistically. It doesn't mean that they're wealthier than everybody else, but it might mean that if you look at their life, things are going well. Somehow, I'll say it on the man side of things because I'm a male. Somehow, when you meet a man of integrity, you know that his wife has great respect for him and she treats him amazingly. Somehow, if you meet a man with great integrity, you just know that his kids respect him, and there's just so much coming into his life by way of love and respect and dignity. It's just like he's a magnet for it. I'm sure you've met. Have you ever had a teacher who had tremendous integrity and just somehow see? It's not that they're the most popular, but there just seems to be this gravitational orbit around them.
Integrity and trustworthiness are very, very, very powerful tools. And it brings what's called an abundance of blessings into life. Why is that? Rav Lapiansky compared it to a pipe. If you have a really good pipe The water that goes through the pipe doesn't get absorbed by the pipe. And so, what happens? Let's say I'm taking water from point A to point B. The water comes through the pipe. If it doesn't get absorbed by the pipe because it's a really good pipe, what comes out on the other end? All the water, but what happens if you have old, decrepit pipes that are soaking up the water? What happens on the other end? What happens is the water doesn't really come through in an effective way. It gets absorbed by the pipes. Here's the catch. This is how Rav Lapianski explains it, and it's brilliant. I hope you're able to get this because if you get this, it changes your life.
This is literally a life changing idea. That's why I was so excited to teach it. I saw that this afternoon. I said I have to teach this to the girls in Sharfman's tonight. When you meet someone who lacks integrity Basically what they are is they're takers. Because that's what it means to lack integrity. You shared a secret with someone, and they lacked integrity, so it didn't flow through them. What did they do? It got absorbed by them. And now what are they? They're takers. They're selfish, and now they're like, 'Ooh, this is a juicy piece of gossip. How could I use it for myself? I'm going to tell that other person.' Which is going to make us feel a little bit better about ourselves because that girl did something that she wants to keep private. Because it became about you, because you were selfish in a certain way, you've diminished yourself.
A person who acts with integrity is never about them; it's always about the other person. If somebody tells you a secret and you're a person of integrity, what do you do with that secret? It's not about me. It's about the girl that told me that secret. And what does she want me to do with that secret? She doesn't want me to tell anybody, so I won't. What type of vessel are you? You're a clean vessel. A massive amount of bracha can come into your life because what you are is an integrity person. It's not about you. It's about someone else. Does this make sense to you? Let's start thinking. This might sound a little uncomfortable. Let's start thinking about places in your life where you lack integrity and places in your life where you have integrity. I'll give you an example of this. If you do something against the rules Are you being a person of integrity? Let's play it out.
Rabbi Sharfman Not Sharfman's, not Rabbi Sharfman. Rabbi Sharfman has a rule. And you say no. I want to do what I want to do. Do you see why that lacks integrity? Because who did you make it about? But I know that he has a rule. This is what I want to do. Let's say I'm just making this up. Let's say a madricha says "I'm just making this up." If you are on your phones during class, I'm gonna mark you absent. So you go And then you're just on your phone anyway. What are you really saying? You're really saying but I want to do what I want to do. What's the value? I'm defending you here. What's the value? I'm being serious. What's the value in saying Forget, covered for the Rebbe? What's the value in saying I'm not going to have my phone out during Shira?
What type of person are you if you say that? You're an integrity person because if this is the rule, and I'm following the rule, then I'm saying something about myself. You understand? Could you get away with it? Of course you can. Of course you can get away with it. It's like in yeshiva. Sometimes you see these guys, and they're not supposed to have their phones out, but they do this move. You see this, where they go like this? Yeah. It's like a very strange thing to do. I want you to know I always like to think of myself as just a human being with eyes, if I'm watching you do this because in my life I've never seen anybody do this before. What do you think I think you're doing? Like, what's your best case scenario? But let's say you get away with it. Let's say you get away with it, right? Let's say I don't notice.
But what happened? Did you get away with it really or not? Yeah. You got away with it in the sense that you might not get marked absent. But what you did is you diminished yourself. You diminished your vessel. You are no longer a pipe to bring that abundance of bracha into your world. Because you are a person who absorbs. You are not a person who things run through. It's a selfish thing. It becomes about you. Where did this start? Who was the first person in the history of the world to be aror and not to be barach? Somebody who was selfish, and not somebody. But not really, because the first person who was cursed in the world is Canaan. The first person who was cursed in the world was Canaan. Where do we see this from? So listen to what the pasuk says: Va'yomer Arur Canaan. Canaan was the grandson of Noach. The pasuk says: Va'yomer Arur Canaan. Canaan is cursed.
Eved avadim yee la'echav. He will be a slave to his brothers. What's the story? How did he become cursed? We only have a couple minutes left, so listen carefully. Listen what Rashi says: Ata garamteli shalol olid ben Revi acher l'shamsheni. What happened? Noach. I don't know if you girls know this, but Noach had three children, Shem, Cham, and Yaphes. But he wanted to have a fourth. But Chazal tell us that Canaan. I'm going to say this in a lashon naki. Try to understand what I'm saying. Canaan made it impossible for Noach to have any more children. He did something. He made it impossible for Noach to have any more children. Why did he do that? Listen, what Rashi says. What was that? Canaan did something to Noach. He attacked him in a certain way. It made it impossible for him to have more children. Cham is Canaan's father.
But listen, what he did. I'm sorry, Kenan. And it could be that it was Cham, but Kenan did something that made it impossible for Noach to have children. So what did he do? So Rashi explains "Uma ra'ocha shesarsu." What did Cham see that he attacked Noach in this way? Amr lehem la'achiv. He said to his brothers "Adam harishon, shne banim hayulo." Adam Rishon had two children And Cain killed Hevel in order that he should be able to inherit the entire world. That's why Cain killed Hevel because he said, "Otherwise, I got to split the world in two." And he said, "I want the entire world." So Cain killed Hevel. The Aviv and our father has three children. Vaodenu mavakish Ben Rivi, and he still desires to have a fourth son. So you know what Canaan said. You know what Chaim said. They said Noah is being unreasonable. They attacked him in a way that they cut off his ability to have more children.
In other words, what did Canaan do? What was that? Chaim again. Chaim Canaan. It's. Rashi says Ham did it. Some say Canaan did it. What it means is as follows. And this is really the point. Remember, let me just get the point out and then I'll get to it. It means It means that Canaan made it about himself. Noah wanted more children, and what did Canaan want? Selfishly He said, "If you have more children, I get less." Because remember, the whole world was destroyed, so now they're dividing the world into three. You want me to divide the world into four? So he said, it's not about what you want; it's about what I want. And he attacked Noach, and now Noach wasn't able to have any more children. What's the consequence of that? If you're a selfish person, then you are cursed. You can't have abundant blessings in your life.
Now let's go back. Who's the progeny? Who's the offspring of Canaan? It's Eliezer, Ever Avram. It's Eliezer, ever Avram. Eliezer says, "I want my daughter to marry your son." Do you hear it? It's a little what? It's a little selfish. I want my daughter. He was saying he was making problems. What if the girl won't come back with me? But really, really, underneath that question, what was Eliezer being? A little bit, he was being like Canaan. He was being selfish. Avram Avinu said, 'This shiruch isn't going to work.' No, he's saying not your ancestry. He's saying Eliezer. By saying, "What if she won't come back with me?" He's really saying, "What I want my daughter to do. I want my daughter to be your son-in-law." So it's not really about what will be if I can't get her back. It was his sort of selfish way of inserting him inside of this. So what does Avram Avinu say? Avram Avinu says, "Listen." To be a Jew means to act selflessly. It means to give to others, which is a way of being an integrity person.
So he says we can't do this But then something changes. Eliezer becomes what the faithful servant of Avram Avinu, because even though Eliezer really wanted that his own daughter should be married to Avram, what does he go do? Faithfully, what does he go do? He goes and he finds a wife for Yitzchak. So by the time he arrives at Lavan's house, who is Eliezer? He's a man of integrity, following through on his word, giving to Avram Avinu what he said he would do. Girls, if you want the secret of having an awesome life, we just learned it. The secret of having an awesome life is to be an integrity person. Make it about what you can give to another, and be trustworthy. If you are trustworthy, you will have abundant blessings in your life. I'm just going to finish with this. But you know those little silly fights in the dorms.
It's like we agreed that this is going to be the temperature in the dorm, but then I'm sorry, I just hit very close to home with at least one of you, or two of you, because one of you just did this I'm saying, I'm just saying, I'm not saying if you know what I'm saying. And then we agree, but you lower the temperature anyway, or you raise the temperature anyway. You're not acting with integrity because it's about you. It's not about what's good for everybody here. If you want to have in your life more blessings than you could possibly imagine There's one very easy secret: be an integrity person. And if you want to imagine the benefit of being an integrity person. Just ask yourself this: Is there any midah that's more attractive in a husband than marrying a man of integrity? If you have a list, like the girls make all the silly lists of the things I'm looking for. You've seen this.
Guys, don't think enough to make the list. There's a guy like I don't know if I like her. I like her. When you make your list, you're gonna have all these real things on there. One of those things is gonna be joy. Is he a joyous person? Nobody wants to marry somebody who doesn't have joy in their life. You might have things on there like, does he have strong values? Is he a person who stands for something in his life? What's at the top of the list? Integrity is at the top of the list. You want to be able to know that the man you're with He's someone who lives. As he actually values, it's not like I have a value, and there's this distance between the value and the life. That makes sense. Such a profound message. It's an interesting question. It's such a powerful question. I'll just say this: It seems to me that when we're around integrity people, we can intuit it.
There's a guy in my neighborhood. He's a tzaddik. I shouldn't say his name. It's losh and hard to say his name, even though I'm going to say an amazing thing about him. This guy Evan. You could ask Rabbi Fuld. Both Rabbi. Both Rabbi Folds. You could ask Rabbi Fuld. Say, Rev. Berg said that Evan is a man of integrity, and I guarantee you that both Rabbi Folds will go like this. Oh yeah, Evan has tremendous integrity. When you're around people of integrity, it's just like It's unbelievable. You'll get a sense of it if you see the guy. Seems to be all over the place. You'll know he's not necessarily a man of integrity. About how was Abraham still able to tell someone that they were cursed? He wasn't saying you're cursed like you're a bad person. He was saying this is what you have to work on. He was saying that right now I just saw from you, you were asking the question, Keilu, but what if she doesn't come back with me? But you had a secret agenda in your heart.
And to be building Klal Yisrael, we can't have secret agendas. And Eliezer, being the good Talmud that he was, makabul the Musar. He said, "that's something I need to work on because I do come from Canaan and I do have this spiritual sort of toxicity inside of me that needs to be worked out. And the way that he worked it out was by being an integrity person and living the mission of Avraham Avinu." Girls, have a wonderful Shabbos.
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