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When Mrs. Trank told me that she wanted me to speak at Rabbi Fix's house for the DIF Challenge, My first question is, what's a diph? I thought it was like, you know how there's a big makhlikas whether or not you say gif or jif? Maybe this is a whole new thing I don't know about, you know, I'm trying to be as relevant as I can in the 21st century but I didn't know what a diph was. So she said it stands for, I'm not sure if you said dignity focused or dignity In focus? Also my focus. Okay. And you'll forgive me for what I'm about to say. I don't know if I have Rishos to say what I'm about to say. She said we use the word dignity because there's a word that today is a word that people are allergic to. And that's the word sneeze. And I was thinking about it.
It's very sad. That is a very sad thing. That today, not your fault. Not your fault at all. Ambar Hashem, you're part of an unbelievable seminary where they're working on what real tzneas is, but packaging matters. And the way that we have to sell it to people, the way that we have to speak about it, is we can't say the word That it really is in Loshan Chazesh. And we can't say it because it's been so distorted and it's been so ruined over the course of your educational careers that it's become something that people are allergic to. I'm going to say something even a little bit stronger you'll forgive me for saying it, but we've made sneeze into such an issue about buttons that we lost what it actually meant. I don't know if any of you have ever heard of Navey Manas Friedman, he's a big Chabad Mashpia. So he has a great line. When girls ask him about the button issue, he goes, you're right, it's just a button. So button it. It's just a button.
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But to people, yeah, it's Benny Friedman's father. It's eight days' uncle. It's true. It's 8 days uncle. It's true. It's a talented family. Bob Dylan wrote an approbation on his book. Why doesn't anyone blush anymore? He wrote two. Anyway, to people who are holding in what the world of tzneas means, they know that it's equally for men and for women and it has nothing What is something to do with buttons? Today we have to talk about sneeze and what it actually is and as it relates to dignity and as it relates to focus because the world has gone so insane when it comes to this issue. Snyas has become about conformity. That's not what Snyas is about. So even though throughout this entire challenge, you girls have been focusing on dignity, to be perfectly honest with you, what you've been focused on is Snyas. And that's what sneeze really is. And I was just even hearing quickly before that sneeze, right? Some people took it as
sneeze in their speech, right? Some people took it as sneeze in their dress. Some people took it as sneeze in their actions, sneeze the way they relate to other people. But it's such a broad, wonderful, beautiful word, right? It's a word we should treasure and cherish. It's a word that we should be saying to the entire world. Snyusv, we are people of tremendous dignity. So, Kola Kavodah, you're part of a place like Tomer Devorah where we don't need to avoid the issue. We just need to repackage it so that by the time you're into it, it's like, ah, I'm already into it. Now, at the end, I can come and speak about it as it actually is. We don't have to pretend anymore. Now, the truth is, I was debating whether or not I should say what I was just about to say. Snyisis Any time, you've heard this a million times before this year, any time we want to examine anything in the Torah, we have to go back to the first time it was mentioned.
So when was Snyis brought up in the Torah, the first time? Okay, perhaps? Sar, very good. So when the Malachim come to visit Avram Avinu they ask Avram where is Sarah and Avram Avinu responds B'ayoli, she is inside the tent. And Rashi says, why is she inside the tent? Sanuahi, because she is a tsanuah. There's a big problem with this. First of all, what's the implication? What's really being said to us, right? When we were kids, what did we think? Sanuwa means? Hidden. In the tent. Hidden away. In the kitchen, cooking the food. So what's the imagery that's being painted for us? The imagery that's being painted for us is Sanuwa means hidden away. And we grew up, many of us, with an image that sneeze means repressing who we actually are. And then we get questions like,
But what if I'm an outgoing person? Is it possible for me to be a tsanuwa? But how terrible is that? What if I'm an outgoing person? Is it possible for me to be a tsanuwa? If you're an outgoing person, girls, then what are you? You're an outgoing person. What's going to happen to somebody who's an outgoing person who we tell them to repress being outgoing? They're not going to be able to do it. And Baruch Hashem, they're not going to be able to do it because that's who they are. So many years ago when I was in Yeshiva, I think you may have heard this story from me before. But there was a guy who was a real tsanuwa. He was the real deal and he had a very introverted personality. I don't know if you've ever seen guys like this before But they walk like this they walk with their hands clasped together and their shoulders hunched over and they're looking down I really admired this guy and The Mashkeach of the yeshiva saw me walking and he screams out at me and he goes what are you doing?
So I said what he goes you're not and then he said this guy's name The maina was her last name. She dropped it when she got married. Yiska. Yiska, very good. What does Yiska mean? Isn't that beautiful? So Yiska means that she gazed at everyone with Ruach Hakadosh and everyone gazed at her beauty. If Saros Sanuwa means she is inside the oil, the last thing we will see here described is that everyone is looking at her. Wouldn't you think that would be the exact opposite of sneeze? Imagine a woman walking around, walking through the streets, and turning heads. Every single
All the people looking at her. So we would say Pashtos, if we were today in 2019, what would we say about such a woman? Natsan, it's not sneeze. It's not sneeze. Why is everyone looking at her? Elamai, she must be doing something not sneeze. And anyway, what was she doing out of the aisle to begin with? So obviously it can't mean the simple understanding. But also there's a deeper question. I want you to hear this because this is very important. What's the connection between the fact that she looked out at the world with Ruch HaKodesh and everyone gazed at her beauty? These are not two random statements. These are two statements that are inherently and intrinsically connected. So what's going on over here? Last question is a very strange story about Avram Avino and Sari Meinu. Avram Avino had to head down to Mitsrayim because there was a famine in Canaan He sees the reflection of Sarayim Menu in the water and he says, Yisho Yefas Marat, you're a beautiful woman. We're in big trouble. What are the mitzvim going to do? They're going to kill me to get to you? So tell them you're my sister. Imri Na'achos Yat. Tell them you're my sister. What in the world is going on over here? First of all, I want to tell you how lacha.
Avram Avinu Adirabu, you're so good looking they're gonna kill me. What sorry you mean to say? Where you been? Imagine a husband who after 20-30 years of marriage goes, you know, I just noticed. You're very pretty. It's mamish a terrible thing to say, no? We're gonna get to sticking people in a box. On many levels, not just physically but metaphorically, yeah?
Only in burkas. Anyway, the uh... You should know, a very strange thing that everybody in my shir when we were younger, we all had to undergo it. When we were dating, of course we would speak to our Rebbe about it. My Rebbe K'nay Nohara when I had him he was in his late 70s, early 80s. The guys would talk to him about dating. Parnas was a Gulli B'Taira in every sense of the word. So he would ask us different questions. Do you have a Parnassa that you're ready to get married? Kasaf Minolan he would say. Amongst the many questions he would ask us, one of the questions is, do you find her attractive? I don't know if you understand what it means to talk to a Gullubataira who's in his 80s about whether or not you find this girl that you're dating attractive. It's not the simplest thing in the world.
Could it be that Abramovino didn't know what Merebe was asking? Of course he did. So what in the world was Abramovino saying? I want to tell you where you site. It's a basic site. Everybody in this room knows it. The way that we see the world impacts the way the world sees us. I'm going to say it even a step further. Not because that's the way we interact with the world, but because people can sense, they have a sixth sense. They can look at you and they could know a lot about you even before you open up your mouth. So normally how do we think about it? We think if I speak to someone in a negative way they're going to experience me as a negative person. It's much deeper than that. If in the privacy of my own room without ever speaking to someone I'm a negative person, the way the world is going to see me is through the lens of negativity and vice versa.
If I'm a positive person, if I'm a person of breath in my life, I'm expansive and I'm bringing people in, even if I've never met another person, they can sense, you can intuit. When you meet that person, this is a person that there's safety, that there's care, that there's love, that they would bring me in. What happens in the privacy of our own self impacts the way that the world sees us. This explains a halacha. It's a halacha in Shulchan Aruch and it applies equally to men and to women. When a person is getting dressed, there's a halacha of getting dressed with dignity. And the Shulchan Aruch explains without going into detail, we don't need to do that now, you can all look it up for yourself. Shokanach explains a person should never be fully uncovered. And then the Shokanach says an unbelievable thing. And if a person will say, if a person will say that, but nobody's in the room with me, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is in the room with you. What in the world was the Shokanach saying with this halach?
You know, halachas are not random. Halachas are there to teach us a certain message. What was the Shokanach telling us? Shokanach was telling us the most incredible halacha. Dignity comes from the recognition of the godliness of every moment, of every experience, in every place that we are. That is where dignity comes from. So imagine a person who's in the privacy of their own room, in the privacy of their own house, in a locked fence around your house, in a gated community. Nobody's coming in, but there's a recognition that Hakadosh Baruch was present in that moment, and the dignity in which I do those simple, most basic things has to be with a sense of tzinnias. That is an unbelievable halachana. Where does that come from? For this let's do 3, 4, 5 minutes maximum of haShkafa. If God is infinite, then where is God? If God is infinite, then how can I find Him in the finite world?
It's a question. It's a famous Kabbalistic question. It's a famous Hushkofa question. God is infinite. Infinite means the exact opposite of finite because infinite means beyond the realm of time, beyond the realm of space. Infinite is not two points on a line. Everybody knows that? If you have two points on a line going in exact opposite directions, that's not infinite. Even if they never meet, why is it not infinite? Because you can point to the line. That's not infinite. Emonit means that there is no line. You can't even conceive of the line. So if you believe in an infinite God, so then how can space be filled up with godliness? This is a, in English, it's called the question of imminence. Can God be imminent in our world? Okay? From a Jewish perspective, we answer that God lives on three levels. We're not going to get into all three right now. The answer is called, it's called, Mimalikoloman, Seiviokoloman, and Kulakamei Kolaikashv. Without getting into what that means, we're just going to focus on just Mimalikoloman.
Mimalikoloman means as follows. Because God is infinite, He's not limited from the finite world. You understand? Because God is imminent, you can't say that there's not godliness residing within everything. Not to say that God is in the cup. God is not in the cup. That's kvira. But that godliness is in the cup. That there's nothing that's devoid of godliness in this world. That is called God's imminence. And He doesn't just have imminence. He also has Seuviv Koloman. He's infinite so he's not restrained by the world. But without getting into Seuviv Koloman, just godliness fills up every moment of every If you understood this idea that godliness is within everything and that means that if I'm in the privacy of my own room, I still recognize godliness and therefore I act in a dignified fashion. Where did I get the strength to do that from? How does a person come to a consciousness that God is imminent?
There's a book I want to write. I've wanted to write this book now for about seven years. There's a book I want to write. I've wanted to write this book now for about seven years. I've written about three and a half chapters, unedited, and it's not good at all. And I haven't found the time to finish this book, let alone really to start it. It's called, at least in my head, it's called a soul-powered life. A soul-powered life means that when you recognize that godliness resides within you, You, that's what gives you the capacity to find godliness everywhere you are. It's like you're a black light. You know if you go into a room and you close the lights, you can put on a black light, you'll see all the stains? Soul powered prayers. Close. Soul powered life. The point is that you have a godly soul and it comes within you.
So let's take for example, let's say somebody's attacking you. Let's say somebody's attacking you verbally for a second. Let's say somebody's verbally attacking you. What gives you the capacity to look at that person and say, with respect, I appreciate that you're hurt and that you're in pain, but I won't be spoken to this way because it diminishes my dignity to be in this situation right now and I'm going to choose to remove myself. Where does a person get the capacity to do that from? What's the answer, girls? It's the recognition that I have a soul. So if godliness is imminent in the world, then naturally where does that have to be? It has to be imminent within me. This is the concept of a soul. The fact that I'm able to see everything, everything that gives me courage, everything that gives me the capacity to be vulnerable, everything that gives me the capacity to know that I have enough, it's because I have an infinite godly power that's inside of me.
Otherwise what's our feeling? Our feeling is one of I'm diminished. I don't have enough. So the infinite God that resides within the world also resides within me and the capacity to tap into that power is what allows me to see godliness in the world. So in that moment and the privacy of a person's own bedroom where nobody's coming in, the door is locked, why do they behave with dignity? Because I am a person with dignity. Just like the moment has dignity in it, just like the room has dignity in it, I have dignity within myself and the question then becomes. So how am I seeing myself? Am I seeing myself through the lens of the godly dignity that I ought to have? You hear the difference? Now, if you've come this far, ask yourself the following question. Imagine what would happen if we actually lived our lives like that.
I like the dignity focused. I like that line. Dignity in focused or dignity focused, I like that. You know why? Because that's what it's about. It's about focus. It's about intention. It's about, this is my consciousness. This is the way I see the world, right? I want to send in that selfie, I want to get those points because I want to get the burger queue or whatever we're calling it, yeah? It's awesome because that's what it's about. It's about the focus of who I already truly am and then acting in consonants with that. But now imagine how everybody would relate to us if we actually lived our lives like that. If we believe that the way that we see ourselves is the way that the world will see us, could you imagine the dignity with which we will be seen? So now let's go back to our original questions.
Sohri Emeinu was the ultimate woman of dignity. So when the Malachim asked, where was Sohri, what was Avram Eveinu's response? Avram Eveinu's response was not, she's in the kitchen barefoot, you know, that's not at all what the Torah is trying to communicate. It's saying she lives with the dignity of who she is, the internal dignity that comes Rebbe nachman Rav hirsch piaseczner Rebbe nachman Rav hirsch piaseczner Rebbe nachman Tovaios, that's her life. Not that Sarah was repressed, not that Sarah didn't go out. We know that Sarah went out. She went out to be Mecarevesa Sanoshim. She had so much to do with the outside world. She wasn't a repressed person at all. But as Rashi says, what was she? She was Sannua. Because she lived with dignity she was Sannua. So this answers a very, very deep question. What was Sar Imeinu's name? Her name was Yiska. And everybody was looking at her.
But really not in the way that we thought about it initially Because Sarayimenu saw the world through what? What did we say earlier? Through Ruach Hakadosh. What does that mean that she saw the world through the lens of godliness? She saw it from an internal place. That's how she saw the outside world. Her lens was one of her godly soul That was the glasses that she wore. That's called Ruach Hakadosh. Ruach Hakadosh means wherever I go the spirit of godliness It's within that moment Every person that she saw was someone who was meant to be cherished. I see you. I see your pain. I see your suffering I see your desire to draw close. I see who you really are That's the way that she saw that they saw her that that's right. That's the way that she saw them and Mimele How did they see her as?
exceptionally beautiful But not the beauty has to show them a fifth Avenue not the beauty of of the Advertisements and the things that they make us look at today that objectify people Chassvasholom That's not at all what Saru Yimenu was. In fact, if you would have asked any of those people, is Saru Yimenu physically attractive? You know what they would have answered? You have to be kidding me. If you're going to try to limit someone like Saru Yimenu to physical attractiveness, that would be the most ridiculous thing in the world. Her beauty is so much more than that. Because beauty has nothing to do with physical. It has nothing to do with physical. And I'll prove it. You know the guy that you said, not you, but you know the guy that you said, not you, but you know the guy that you said nothing would ever happen with that guy?
You know that guy? You don't know that guy because you're not those types of girls. But you know that guy? I see some of you nodding. I see you must have friends like that. Yeah? Asking for a friend. Yeah? Asking for a friend. Hashtag asking for a friend. Yeah, asking for yourself. Yeah? I love the following conversation. Rebbe, remember the guy that I told you nothing would ever happen with? So something...right. So I get it one step before that. I get it as...this is what it sounds like. So I think something's happening. That's the way the girls say it, right? The guys say it like this. Something happened, right? They always tell me after the fact, right? Why? Why? Beforehand, I say to them, this is my whole speech, there's no such thing as platonic relationships. Yes, Yes there are, there's this girl that nothing would ever happen with. Then they come back and they go, Rebbe, I think you might have been right.
Why? You told me nothing would ever happen. You told me that she were totally unattractive there. Yeah, it's crazy. How'd that happen? Where'd that switch, how'd that switch get flipped? Nothing would ever happen and then all of a sudden she's attractive? What happened? What changed? All of a sudden he's attractive? He's the same yachts that he's been for the last five years that he knew. What's the answer? Has nothing to do with the skin. Has nothing to do with physical. Beauty is the recognition that there's a godly space here that can be filled up. That's what real beauty is about. When you recognize that you're with someone who you could build a life with, it's an amazing thing. All of a sudden they become attractive. It's the craziest thing. Somebody that we never found. All of a sudden we see... What happened? Beauty has nothing to do with it. It's not physical. In its distorted image it has something to do with physical.
I asked this kasha many years ago to Rebbe. I was talking to him about attraction and all these things. I think I was maybe 20 years old at the time, and he said to me, what do you think? Do you think a couple becomes 70 or 80 years old and then all of a sudden they're not attracted to each other? Shabbat Nohair, you know, he's this lumpy sort of whatever, right? He's not the... He's an old man. But by that point in the relationship, it's so deep, there's so much beauty in the relationship that nobody would ever say that there's not the most incredible, intense emotions in this relationship. There's something so exceptionally beautiful about her. So if you would have asked somebody who was looking at Sarayi Menu, if you would have asked them, is Sarayi Menu beautiful? Nitzotzos Rav Baruch Talmud She's so much more attracted. That's what they'll tell you. They won't tell you because that's a mom, right?
Because I don't want to I don't want to have a mom who's not dressing Sunday It's not what they tell you they say because she's so much prettier. I Understand if she's so much prettier than what are you doing? Oh, well not not yet revvie not yet, right? But of but of course, what are they really saying? We're not really attracted forget physical beauty We're not attracted to a place where we won't be able to have a deep sense of connection Mameilah, when Avramovina was going down to Mitsrayim, of course he had seen Sariazin, Sariazin's entire life. He saw Sar when they were dating. He thought that she was the most beautiful person in the world. But he never objectified her until he saw her reflection. Not her, but he saw her reflection. He saw the image of how people who objectify people would see her. That's what it means that he saw her reflection.
And then he realized the danger that they were in going down to Mitsrayim. Mitsrayim is described as Erva Saaretz. What is Erva Saaretz? And Erva is something that when you look at it, it's inappropriate to be seen. So that's Erva Saaretz. This is a place where they see what shouldn't be seen. And they're not going to see the dignity with which she holds herself. They're going to see on a skin-deep level. And it was the first time that Abram of Inu in his life had ever thought of her that way. Because of course his relationship with her was so much deeper than skin-deep He could not even imagine that it would be a problem. Mamelah he has to tell her, please tell them you're my sister because literally these people would kill me because they won't respect the dignity of their relationship. That's not what Mitsrayim is. So we put her in a box. It's not Chazvashol and the pshat that we are trying to hide women away. There is a very deep pshat we don't have time to go into it now about Layah and Dinah and what it means to go out.
You're not wrong, but you're also not right. V'yam! It's a very deep chat. We don't have time to go into it about Dina and Leah and how Dina went out to Shechem. And really that was only because Dina was hidden away by Yaakov Avinu. She would have been the one to be Makar of Asav because Dina had this way of Leah who did go out. She had this way of Sarah who did go out. Our way is not to hide women away. Two years ago, I was at a Shabbaton with Revelio Saloveitchik Shleeta. Eliyya Saloveitchik is a tremendous tzadah, he lives in Queens, he's a tremendous tambachachim. And one of the people that was at the Shabbat Toh and asked Roshel Saloveitchik what he thought of not putting women's pictures in magazines. And he answered, very interesting answer, he said, it's not my way, it's not my way.
He said, but I can't judge people that are doing it because each community has their own There are people that think that on the other side of the coin that because a picture of a woman is not in a magazine that her voice has been suppressed. And that's not true. Just because someone's picture is not in a magazine doesn't mean that her voice has been suppressed. Her voice is speaking to thousands of women. You know, today, I'm going to be honest with you, I read books that were written by people that I feel are women of tremendous dignity. In my home, my wife has, I buy for her gifts sometimes when Rebbe Nachman Heller publishes a book. I'll read it. There's a feminine voice that needs to be in the world.
It's not undignified for that voice to be there, adurabah. It's not sneeze for that voice to be lost, because there's something that we have to say. But how do we say it? Through the lens of the dignity with which we see our godly soul. When the male voice is out conquering the world, the female voice has the capacity to say, but don't forget about what's driving this entire thing. Don't forget about the engine that's driving this entire thing. And that is the soul. In the very beginning of tonight's program, at least when I got here, the question was not how we can be, what was this, the challenge was a month. It is not a month. We don't do things in Torah Devorah for a month. A month is a drop in the bucket of your life. We don't do things for a month. We do things for 20 years, for 40 years, We don't teach 18 year old girls. We teach mothers, grandmothers, future leaders of their communities, people who are going to go out into the world and be mekadeshim Shamayim wherever they go. I could not spend my time teaching 18 year old girls. It wouldn't even make any sense.
But future mothers? They're worth an investment. Future leaders in the community are worth an investment. an investment. There is a tragedy that's happening today in the world and it's everywhere you go. We've objectified important things. We've taken beautiful things and we've turned them into objects and it's destroying the world. The greatest irony is that Hollywood is the ones that are Hahiliut. The greatest objectifiers of women arguably in the history of the world are now coming out and saying you really shouldn't objectify women. Remind me the next time I see a trailer or a campaign for Captain Marvel. What these women are expected to look like. And they're the ones coming out with the Me Too movement. The other ones coming out and saying women should be treated with dignity? No. It's just the opposite. They're the ones that haven't been treating women with dignity. We're the ones that have been teaching the world that we need the feminine dignity to be seen.
And in order for that to happen, it starts with you. And it's sensitivities. It's all sensitivities. It doesn't come from a button. That's just maybe a symptom. But it's the dignity with which you hold yourself. My bracha to all of you, and I hope that I'll be blessed just from being a participant on a small level in tonight's event. My bracha to all of you is that this shouldn't be just a month, but a month should turn into a year, a year should turn into 10 years, 10 years should turn into 20 years, and your children and grandchildren should be able to look at you and say, my mother, my grandmother, my great-grandmother is someone of tremendous dignity. She is a real tzanuah. And with that, that is Bezr Ashem Halal Birma Sheeach.
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