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This week's question is, There are certain times that are very difficult for me to have the reverence towards my parents that I know I am supposed to have, Do you have any advice and chizuk on how to always have the utmost reverence for our parents? This is an excellent question, and I think it's relevant to every person in the world, One of the most difficult challenges in the Torah is the mitzvah of kibbutz avaim. Chazal say it's literally one of the most difficult, mitzvahs to do well But even not doing the mitzvah well, just doing the mitzvah at all can sometimes be especially challenging. All relationships are difficult. Our parents do so much for us more than we could possibly imagine, But at the end of the day those relationships can often be complex, So how do we negotiate the complexities in order to do the mitzvah properly? Well the first thing and I think the most important thing is this is what we're obligated to do, Sometimes we start off by giving chizuk to people and telling them how important it is. But let's just start with the basics. This is what we are supposed to do.
Being a person who does what they're supposed to do, being an integrity person, following Hakadosh Baruch Hu's commandments, is the greatest chizuk in the world. Getting advice and being machazik ourselves is important, but at the end of the day we have to do what we have to do. That's the beginning. There's an amazing vart from the Bala Turim. The Bala Turim points out that there are two mitzvos for which we are promised reward. And those mitzvos are shiloh hakein and kibera ve'em. And the reward that we're given is l'man yitavloch, it will be good for you, v'ha'arach dayamim, and you'll have long days. The Bala Turim points out that when it comes to the mitzvah of Shiluach Hakein, the order is, L'man Yitavlach, it will be good for you, V'arach Doyamim, and you will have long days. So chase away the mother bird, and you will be rewarded with a good life and long days. But when it comes to the mitzvah of Kibra V'eim, the mitzvah of Kibra V'eim has the very same rewards, but exactly in the opposite order.
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First it says, V'arach Doyamim, and then it says, L'man Yitavlach, we'll have long days, and then it will be good for you. And I heard an amazing word from Rabbi Frand. Rabbi Frand explains that when it comes to the mitzvah of Kibra V'eim, you can't run to say, L'man Yitavlach, it's going to be good for you. Parents can be complex, those relationships can be challenging. So it's not so simple to say, it's going to be good for you. But taking care of our parents, especially when they're elderly, will set an example for our children of how we want them to take care of us. When we get older, then it will be good for you. That's the word Rabbi Fran says. Take care of your elderly parents because one day you too will be elderly. Now I know that most people listening to this are probably not elderly people and are probably not people who have elderly parents necessarily. But I think that we have to start being the people that we are sooner rather than later.
If we want to be people in our 30s, 40s, and 50s that take care of elderly parents, even 60s, then we have to start becoming those people in our teens and 20s. If we're mechabit, our parents, if we train ourselves to be mechabit, our parents, we're becoming a certain type of person. The type of person we're becoming is the person that says, not I'm going to take care of my parents so that one day my children will take care of me. It's not narcissistic, but it's I'm going to take care of my parents because that is the type of person I want to be. Serving our parents is an exceptional way of being. And by doing that, it enhances who we are. We become role models for future generations that may not even yet exist. And last but not least, and I think that this is exceptionally important, we cannot possibly understand how much our parents have done for us. Very often, men and women will come to me and discuss the challenges that they have with their parents, especially in their teenage years and their early 20s, different challenges that they have.
But putting those challenges in context is really important. For example, a young man or a young woman that's engaged. and comes to me to complain about how their parents are dealing with the wedding. The parents are paying thousands of dollars, putting in hundreds of hours into the creation of that wedding. Let's start off with a basic hakarasatov, the clothing we wear on our backs, the food we've eaten all of our lives, the shelter that our parents have given us, the warmth, love, kindness, and attention. Yes, it may not have always been perfect. Parents are human beings who make mistakes. But if we look at the overall and in general, our parents have done more for us than we could possibly imagine. And I don't think, if I'm being totally honest, I don't think I really understood what that meant until I had children of my own. Once you have children of your own and you realize what it takes to be a parent, it really shocks you into reality of saying, these people did so much for me. We're so blessed to have parents in our lives. We should take every opportunity that we have to say thank you, to be makaratov, and to really express in our thoughts. actions and deeds. how much we appreciate our parents so if they ask us to do something and if we have the opportunity to treat them with reverence grab it you can't know how much they deserve it
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