Kibbud Av VaEim - Establishing A Genuine Relationship With Hashem

2:05 From both a halachic and a hashkafic perspective To say that a person is honoring Hakadosh Baruch Hu by honoring their parents It seems to have real implications. The Gemara is not just saying something, but what exactly does that mean? I would not say, for example, it would not make so much sense to me if somebody said putting on tefillin is being mechabit Hashem. Being mechabit your parents is a mitzvah because it happens to use the lashon of kavod and yira by both situations does not necessarily teach us that they're exactly the same. So obviously the gemara is telling us something deeper here. That's question number one. Question number two. Another gemara. Same gemara in Kedushin. We all know this gemara. Shloisha shutvin hein ba adam The creation of a person has three partners. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, av v'ima. Rashi explains the parents create the body. Hakadosh Baruch Hu endows the body with a neshamah. Fine, but the gemara says an unbelievable thing. Bisman shado mechabe is av v'es imo. In the time when a person is mechabe their parents. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "Mal ani alehim ki iludarti beinayim vekabduni."

3:28 It is as if I am dwelling amongst them and they are being mechabed me. So this is going even a step further than the previous Gemara we had. Not only when a person is mechabed their parents is that the equivalence of being mechabed Hakadosh Baruch Hu, but even more than that. If you're mechabit your parents, it's like you're dwelling with Hakadosh Baruch Hu and you're being mechabit Him. As kibbutz Avayim is an onion of being mechabit Hakadosh Baruch Hu, it's the same thing. And in that space, Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes to dwell. So that's an unbelievable thing to say. Certainly, it's not something that you would see by any other mitzvah Especially considering the fact that the Medrash says that the purpose of creation is to build for Hashem a dira b'tachtonim, a dwelling place in the world down below. It means what's the ultimate expression of Hashem dwelling amongst us, being mechabit our parents. This is the ultimate inyan of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, literally having a dira with us. This is a very serious gemara.

4:34 Being mechabit our parents is equivalent to honoring Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Being mechabit our parents is like we're honoring Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and it creates a dira between us and Hakadosh Baruch Hu. These are fantastical gemaras that need to be understood. One more gemara. The very first of the Asar Sadevros is Anoichi Hashem Elokecha, Asher Otsaytziicha Meeres Mitzrayim. What's the fifth? We just said, Kavet Saviicha VeAsimecha. Is there a connection between the first of the Asaras Adibros and the fifth of the Asaras Adibros? The Gemara says yes. The Gemara says they're not random. There's a very specific connection. What's the very specific connection? So the Gemara says as follows: Kesuvim thirty one a Ula said the following: When Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, I know Ches Hashem Elokecha And He said also, Loi Elocha, meaning you shall not have any other gods before Me. The nations of the world said Hashem is demanding honor for Himself.

5:45 This was a taina that the Umos HaOlam had on Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Sounds like a very strange thing that the Umos HaOlam are saying. They're saying, 'You see that the whole reason why Hakadosh Baruch Hu is doing all this is just to be mechabit Himself.' There's no humility here. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is a balgiva. That's what the Umos HaOlam are saying. Then when Hakadosh Baruch Hu said with the fifth of the Asaras Adibros. They recanted, retracted, and acknowledged the truth that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not a balgiva, and He's not doing this for His own kavod. Comes along Ravah, and Ravah says this is aligned with the pasuk in Tehillim, 'Roish devarcha emes.' Roish devarcha emes means the beginning of your word is truth. The beginning of your word is truth. Meaning, how come the pasuk doesn't say soif devarcha emes that the end of your word is truth? It's saying from this last of the asaras hadibros of kavod savicha v'asimcha, you see that roish devarcha emes that the beginning is truth.

6:51 So we have again a lot of questions in front of us. Number one, how could the nations of the world, if they say silly things, the Gemara does not record them. And by the way, what does it mean, the nations of the world over here? It doesn't necessarily mean that there were goyim that were there by Har Sinai that were watching it unfold. It means in philosophy. In philosophy, when Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes along and says 'Anoichias Hashem lo kecha,' one might think from a very earthy, human, worldly perspective that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is doing this whole project just to be mechabit him. Until Kabbalat Shavuot comes It's still very strange. Would anyone ever say that the Rebbeinu Shlom is doing this for his own gaiva? Is that a reasonable thing for us to think? Obviously not. Even the nations of the world understand if they believe in a God, they would certainly wouldn't believe that a God would create the world just to honor Himself. It makes no sense.

7:51 So that's our first question: How could the nations of the world ever have thought something so silly? Obviously, they understand all of existence depends on Al Kadosh Baruch Hu. Why would they suspect that Al Kadosh Baruch Hu was doing things for his own gaiva? But even more than that Even more than that. Before we get to even more than that, there's an obvious question: What's Rava adding? If Rava comes along and he says 'Roish Devarcha Emes,' that you see now from Kabbalas Avicha that the first words were said were true. What's Rava saying? He just happens to be saying that a pasuk can tell him. Works out that it looks like this. Rabbah is saying something deeper that needs to be understood. But there's a much deeper question over here. How do we know? How do we know that kabe desavicha veesimecha in any way relates to anochi Hashem alokach?

8:43 How did we know that? In the beginning of this year, we started expressing that there's an equivalency between honoring Hashem and honoring your parents. We saw that from the Gemara. If you just were looking at the Asaras Adibros, would you necessarily know that? The only reason I started saying is there a connection between Anayich Hashem Alokacha and Kabbodes Avicha Vasi Mechol. The only reason why in our head we said there's an equivalency and there's one has to do with the other is because we knew the Gemaras. But if you were there at Har Sinai and all you had was the Asaras Adibros, would you necessarily know that there was any connection whatsoever between Kavod es Avicha ve'Asimecha and Anochi Yashem al Okecha? You would never know that. It would never even occur to you. So it's a very strange thing. The Umosa Olam are sitting there. Now they hear Kavod es Avicha ve'Asimecha. They don't know any of the Gemaras. They don't know that the Gemara says that Kavod and Yira are used in the same way in both places. They don't know that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is the third partner in creation and that giving kavod to your parents is in some way a way of dwelling with Hakadosh Baruch Hu and being mechabit Hashem Himself.

9:59 So how in the world did the nations of the world hear the fifth of the Asaras Hadibros and then all of a sudden go, now I understand. Rosh the Varchemes. Now I understand that Hakadosh Baruch Hu, when he said Anoich Hashem lo kacho, he wasn't doing it to honor himself. Where did they know that from? Just if you read the Asaras Adibros, would you have naturally made the connection between the fifth and the first of the Asaras Adibros? I would not have. Maybe perhaps in Michlala The excellence of the Michlala education, no doubt. After a year and a half in Michlala, trained lamdanim, ready to be married to Talmidei Chachamim. That was very weak. That was like the. Usually, if you go to a seminary and you say a bracha like that, the whole place is like the greatest amen yishtmei rabbah yom kippur ne'ilah. Here we got like a squeak of an amen from the back. I don't want to say anything, but amen, a fast amen.

10:55 Amen. Good. Good work. There's no way that the Umosa Olam would have ever put together the fifth and the first naturally. Must be there's something that we're missing. That's enough for questions. That's a lot of questions. I'm not going to review them all. You either chat them or you didn't. It doesn't matter in the end. Is a famous question of the Minchas Chinuch. I appreciate it. It's hard. By the way, do you appreciate that you're living in Eretz Yisrael? That it's already January and that it's hot. You're going to go back to that godless desert. And you're going to be freezing. It's freezing cold in America. I just went to America. I was there last Shabbos in December for NCSY Yerachikala. I didn't bring a coat because in my mind it's nice outside. I walked out into the airport in Newark, New Jersey, and I forgot. I pushed it. Forgot this land is freezing.

11:54 Soak in the last rays of sun. I heard it's not supposed to be so nice over Shabbos. Must be because all the girls are leaving halfway through Shabbat. Shemirachim. There's a famous question of the Minchas Ganach. Minchas Ganach asks the svaros: Is the mitzvah? This is the more lamedish part. Is the mitzvah of kibud av ve'em ben adam la'makom or ben adam la'chaver? That's a famous question. Famous question of Minchas Menachem. Why does it matter? It matters as follows. The Mishnah in Yuma eighty five b says as follows: Avero shabeyn adam la makom yom kippurim mechaper. An avero that's done ben adam la makom is forgiven. Is atoned for on Yom Kippur. Avero shabeyn adam la chavero ein yom kippurim mechaper ad shayirtza is chavero. If you did naverah ben adam machaveroh, you have to ask. You have to ask for forgiveness before Hakadosh Baruch Hu will give you forgiveness.

13:01 So before you have atonement and inyonim ben adam machaveroh, your friend has to forgive you first. This is a very big deal. If kabbid is havicha ve'asi mecha is ben adam la'makom, then Yom Kippur is mechaper for any of the times that you were not mechabit your parents. Kibbutz Avaim is ben alzma chaveru, so Yom Kippur will not be machaper. There's a minug, a very beautiful minug. If chas v'shalom, one has to bury a parent at the end of our hesped. Usually, we ask mechila from our parents. We ask people to ask mechila from their parents. If I wasn't machabed you properly, there was a levaya this year. Rabbi Adler, anyone here grow up in Tinek? Wow. Not so many. Anyone who grew up in the Five Towns? Not so many. Wow. This is a fascinating sociological experiment. Very out of town. Very out. Michalaz.

14:04 Doesn't have to become a conversation because now we have to start saying what's out of town. Is LA out of town? Florida's the new York. Is Chicago out of town? We have to start. The boys do this. They try to define what is Yeshiva League. All of a sudden, the boys become very big lamdim. It's like explaining a pshat in the Rambam. Only if you went to these camps or these schools, but if you went to this school in this camp, you're not yeshiva league. But if you went to this camp in this school, then you are yeshiva league. What is out of town? To say that. I Rabbi Adler, who was the Rosh Yeshiva of TABC, passed away this year. I went to the Levaya. I have tremendous hakarosatov to Rabbi Adler for the partnership that he had with Mevaseret, and also for the For there was a one specific time where he could have He could have gotten me in very big trouble, and he didn't. He was a big tzaddik about it. So I went to the Levi Alzakar Shtov.

14:57 His second son is hysterically funny. The second to funniest eulogy I've ever heard in my entire life. You wouldn't expect that a hospice is going to be funny. At the end of his eulogy, people were dying of laughter. It was an unbelievable eulogy. At the very end, he turns to his father and he goes, "I want to ask you mechila. Any time that I wasn't properly mechabid you, I did donate a kidney to you, so I think we're okay." And the police was like, "Oh my God, you just say that? It was an unbelievable aspect." As an Indian, to ask mechila from your parents, does that mean that it's bein adam lachaveru and not bein adam l'makom? Let's look at some of the sources to see which way it goes. So it goes as follows. I would think that it would be bein adam lachaveru because bein adam l'makom.

15:44 On Yom Kippur, why is it mechaper? If you do an avera bein adam l'makom, why is Yom Kippur mechaper? I imagine the answer is as follows: When you're asking Hakadosh Baruch Hu for forgiveness on Yom Kippur, He's mechabit. He's mechaper you. Why? Because He's the aggrieved party. So when I come to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and I say, "I'm so sorry, I did an avera, Hakadosh Baruch Hu can forgive me because He's the one that I hurt." Paveyachol. But if I come to Hakadosh Baruch Hu on Yom Kippur and I say, 'Be mechaper for the avera that I did to my parents' How could Hakadosh Baruch Hu give me a kapara for that when I have not apologized to my parents? The same way that if I hurt my friend, I have to go to my friend and ask him mechila before. And by the way, mechila just like parenthetically.

16:42 We've watched the deterioration of the pre Yom Kippur mechila go from something that used to be very authentic and very legitimate, and then it became like a quick yimei chol me, and then it devolved from there to become a WhatsApp. I saw this year for the first time on status. Just like if I happen to have hurt you a broadcast message. I'm not convinced that meets the requirements of the Gemara in Yoma that says that a person. I'm not sure anyone's reading a status and going. I see they're really genuine. I forgive you. What in the world are we talking about over here? To say there. God knows what's coming next, but to say there. Prepare yourselves. If I hurt my friend, if I hurt Reuven And then I go to Reuven and I say to Reuven, Please be myelchumi. Then I callish baruchu could be myelchumi because I already asked forgiveness from Ruvin.

17:40 If I don't go to my parents and ask for forgiveness, how can I say baruchu be myelchumi? So obviously, one would argue that the mitzvah of kibbutz galim is benal machaberu. Furthermore, the Gemara in Kedushin says ha'av shem machul al kveidai machul that a father is able to be myelchuli on his kavod. By the way, it's not so obvious that you should be. Rav Noach Orloek, you girls have heard of Rav Orloek Raising roses amongst thorns One of the last sane voices in a generation of insanity. Rav Orloek is a sechel ayasher, a clear thinker. So Rav Orloek, many years ago, when my wife was in seminary, Rav Orloek said that he was moichel on his kavod that his children didn't have to stand up when they walked in the room. But he said he regretted it a little bit. He regretted it. There's something to the fact that a father walks into the room, and that the children have a certain reverence for the father. By the way, famous line from the Brisker Rav. The Brisker Rav's children walked in. The Brisker Rav's children were all joking around. The Brisker Rav walked into the room. The avirah in the room immediately changed. You would never laugh in front of the Brisker Rav. His children immediately stood up and they got very silent. And the Brisker Rav said Mishael nechnas av mematem besimcha. When the father walks in, say it has to be memay besimcha.

19:06 I of course didn't even have a half a minute that my children would stand up for me. But when my oldest daughter got married, the first time that I walked into the house that my son and my binyamin was there, he stood up for me. I told him, "If you ever do that again, I'll break your legs." But it's not obvious that a person should do that. We're American. We don't actually like ask respect from anyone or do anything respectful. There is a real Indian, but it's a strange Gemara. What's the chiddush of the Gemara that a father could be meichel on his kavod? Why not? Anyone could be meichel on their kavod. You know what the Tetzis? If it's being Adam Lebakom, who are you to be Meichel on a Kadosh Baruch who's covered? So it sounds like from this Gemara that it must be that kibud av v'eim is bein adam lechaveiro. Otherwise, how could a person be meichel on their kavod as a father?

19:57 On the other hand On the other hand, we got done in the beginning part of this year talking about how covenant nira are used by your parents, covenant nira are used by a kodesh baruch hu. If you're mechabit your parents, it's like you're being mechabit a kodesh baruch hu. So certainly we have a lot of sources in chazal that indicate that it's bein adam l'makom, but actually the structure of the asaras hadibros itself tells us that it's bein adam l'makom. So how do we see this? We know that the famous Ramban The famous Ramban, the first they teach Ramban here. The first five, I would imagine, the first five also Maral. The first five of the Aseret Adibros are ben adam mamokom. The second five are ben adam lachaver. Where is Kabel Saviach of Esimecha? It's the end of the first Of the first five. Meaning the five and five, so it's the last one.

20:54 So that would certainly indicate that it's mei adam la makom. Maybe you won't be convinced. Maybe you'll say, I don't know, it's like a transition, something like that. So kliaker says: If you look at all of the first five of the asaras adibros, they have one commonality. It always says the words Hashem Elokecha. Hashem Elokecha is ubiquitous. It's in all five of the first of the asaras adibros in the first five of the asaras adibros Which would indicate that when the pasuk says Lemani Arichon Yamechal Ahadama Ashe Hashem Elokecha Noi Sein Lach, what's it saying? Not just is it on the first five, which is the sign of Bein Adam L'Makom, but it says Hashem Elokecha, which the second five don't. That clearly places it on the side of Bein Adam L'Makom. And the Minchas Chinuch himself, by the way, leaves it as an uncertainty: is it Bein Adam L'Makom, is it Bein Adam L'Haveru?

21:50 So the Shvile Pinchas says as follows: an unbelievable var from the Bnei Yissaschar. Bnei Yissaschar quotes from Pinchas Kartz, and if Pinchas Kartz says it's both bein adam l'makom and bein adam l'chaveiro, but he says a tif var, he says a deep thing. It goes like this: in this world, there are certain things that are called a bridge. They're a bridge between two worlds. For example When we have a kri uksiv in a pasuk. You ever see the kriyuk siv in a pasuk The way it's written, the way it's read, a kriyuk siv. That's a bridge between tayr shabal peh and tayr shabechsav. There's the way it's written, tayr shabechsav. The way it's read, tayr shabal peh. Whenever there's a kriyuk siv, all the rabbanim get excited. It's going to be a great drasha. Why? Because it's the bridge between tayr shabechsav and tayr shabal peh. Toisef es Shabbos. Why is there an union of adding on time to Shabbos? It's a bridge between Shabbos and the week.

22:52 In Kabbalah, the neshama of a ger holds a very special place. Because it's a bridge between Klal Yisrael and the Umos Olam. Since that Jewish soul was born into a Gentile body, it plays a very special role because Klal Yisrael is meant to be the bridge between Hakadosh Baruch Hu and this world, and the Ger plays a very special role in that bridge because it bridges the gap between Klal Yisrael and the Umos HaOlam. By the way, today, just parenthetically, just because I happen to be upset about this, so I'm going to say it here. Today, somehow, the mitzvah to love a ger has gotten lost, and people say no to a shiduch because a parent is a ger. Where in the world did that come from? I would imagine that when Hakadosh Baruch Hu was giving us the Torah, He had the mitzvah of vahavta mesager dafka for moments like this. I know a boy in yeshiva today. He's considered a top boy in his yeshiva, and this is not a yeshiva that's for lightweights. This boy is a balmidos. He's erlich. He's sweet. He's kind, and a tremendous budding tamuacham.

23:59 But people are saying no, he's shaduchim because he has a family member who's a ger. Absurd. Absolutely absurd. Absolutely absurd. That's just my standard rant because I think it's important to throw in random hashkafas so that one day you'll remember that Berg said a random hashkafa and maybe if you get a shidduch that's perfect for you. Good, a little slow on the uptake, but it took. If that boy happens to be a geir, you'll say, "Wow, what an unbelievable privilege I have to be married to somebody who plays a special role in klal yisrael's mission." So Pinchas Karitzer says this. Kabed es avicha ve'asimecha is a bridge between bein adam l'makom and bein adam l'chaverah. It has elements of both. Now we understand why we find mamari chazal that go this way and mamari chazal that go that way. On the one hand, you have to say it's bein adam l'chaverah. You'd surely have to apologize to your parents before coming to Yom Kippur.

24:57 Absolutely. How could a father be mechabed on his kavod if it was bein adam la-makom? On the other hand, it has elements of bein adam la-makom, which is why when you're mechabed your parents, it's mamish like you're being mechabed a kodesh baruch hu, and that's why the pesukim equate them, and that's why it's written on the first side of the asaras hadibros, and that's why it says Hashem Elokeichem because it has elements of it that are bein adam la-makom, so it's a little bit of bein adam la-makom, a little bit of bein adam la-chaver. Now let's go back to that gemara. Let's go back to that unbelievable gemara with Ula. What did Ula say? Ula said, 'When Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, 'I'm noichi and loyi alcha,' the nations of the world said, 'you're doing this to be mechabit yourself.' Until he gave kibbutz v'ein. Once Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave kibbutz v'ein, then they said, 'I see now that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not doing this for his own arrogance. Rather, this is all a reflection of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's humility.' How did they see that?

25:55 Because if, remember they didn't get it from any drashos chazal. They saw it in the Asaras Hadibros itself. When the nations of the world looked at the Asaras Hadibros, clearly which side of the Asaras Hadibros was Kavod Zavicha on? It's clearly on the side of Meidol M'akum. It says Hashem Elokecha, and yet it's acting as the bridge between Bein Adam LaMakom and Bein Adam LaChaverel. The nations of the world said, this is not for Hakadosh Baruch Hu's geiver, because if it was only for Hakadosh Baruch Hu's geiver He would never have created his own kavod as a way of bridging the gap between Bein Adam LaMakom and Bein Adam LaChaver. The fact that Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes along and says 'Kabed esavicha ve'asi mecha' is an expression of serving Hashem, which tells us something about all Bein Adam LaChaver. Serving God and serving people are the zel bezach.

26:49 That to serve Hashem means to serve people, and a person who serves Hashem without serving people is missing something fundamental in their avodas Hashem. My rasha shiur of Yaakov Bender shlita, the rasha of Yeshiva Darche Torah in Farakwe. I was zayicha when I was a kid after I was expelled from elementary school. The only other school in the neighborhood that would take me was Darche And I don't know if that would still be the case. But back in the day, Yeshiva world was a little bit more patuach, and they were willing to take a kid from a modern Orthodox background. I went to a coed modern Orthodox school where we were up to learning Chumash with Rashi, and I started Hascholus Gemara in the middle of fifth grade because Rabbi Bender was willing to take me into a black cat single sex school where I never learned Mishnayos growing up. I'm missing like a gap in my education. I never learned Mishnayos when I was a kid. I heard Rabbi Bender every single week on Friday speak about Ben Adam Lachaveru.

27:41 Ben Adam Lachaveru every single week. Ben Adam Lachaveru, and he used to say as follows, and he's written it many times. If you can't close your Gemara to help another Yid, then even when your Gemara is open, it's really closed. And if you can close your Gemara to help another Yid, then even when your Gemara is closed, it's really open. There has to be a seamless integration of bein adam la'makom and bein adam lachaveira. I want to tell you a story. I'm not proud of this story. Something that we need to work on as a nation. There was a boy who switched into Mevaseret. He went to a very serious yeshiva, and I don't mean that in a positive way—a yeshiva where the boys are learning a tremendous amount. He came to the yeshiva. I asked him, "Why do you want to switch?" He said, "I'm tired of being people's chesed case." He's a normal yeshiva league regular kid. I was like, "You're tired of being a chesed case? What are you talking about?" He goes, "When I'm in my yeshiva

28:33 He's like, I'm learning just as much as anybody else, but sometimes I like to schmooze. Who doesn't want to sit down at lunch and just schmooze with a friend? He said, The look on the guys' faces is that they're doing a Chesed by talking to me, because really they just want to run back to the beis medrash. He's I can't stay there anymore. It's painful to stay in this yeshiva. It's like imagine you're talking to somebody and you could see the look on their face. On the look on their face, that they're I got to bounce. I got to get out of here. I got to go back to the beis medrash. That's not called from. That's not called from. From means if somebody's talking to you, you sit and you talk to them. Abraham Avinu was talking to the Rebbeinu Sholom. Three Arabs were walking in the desert. What does he do? What does he say to the Rebbeinu Sholom? Abraham Avinu understands that Beinam M'makom leads to Beinam L'chaveru, and Beinam L'chaveru leads to Beinam M'makom. There has to be one seamless integration, and if there is no seamless integration, it means something is fundamentally lacking.

29:25 There's a lot to say on this topic of how we educate our young men today. And by the way, if we're not educating our young men and our young women in these concepts It's no wonder, and again, I'm quoting Rabbi Bender here. It's no wonder that so many people are struggling early on in the early years of their marriage. If you were taught to be an unbelievable Eved Hashem, and that meant Bein Adam LaMakom, how are you going to know how to be a husband to your wife? If a boy is sticking away in yeshiva, it should reflect itself in the way that he treats people in a very genuine, open, loving, and accepting way. What is Rava adding? Rava comes along and he says, "Roish devarcha emes" Not Soif devarcha emes. Roish devarcha emes. Frek the Marsha. What do you mean Soif devarcha emes? This is not the last of the Asaras Hadibros. This is the fifth of the Asaras Hadibros.

30:23 What's at the end of? Says Marsha It's the end of Ben Adam laMakom. This is another raya. Kaber Zavich VeEsimecha is the last of Bein Adam LaMakom, but as we said, it's also the bridge to Bein Adam LaChaveru. What's the significance of this? The significance of this is as follows: Rav is saying, 'Roish Devarcha Emes.' The fact that this is called the last of this subset of the Asar Zadibros, and it's a bridge, Bein Adam LaMakom, Bein Adam LaChaveru, shows the humility of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It shows that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not doing this to honor himself. But he wants to bring that kavod into honoring people. This is the teethkait. This is the depth of why Rava is saying roish tovarcha emes. He's saying this mimer from Al Kadosh Baruch Hu. This kavod esavicha. It's the last of benam lacham, the first of benam lachaverah that shows you the humility of Hashem.

31:23 I want to say I want to express this in an even deeper way now. The world fell apart when Adam Rishon sinned. There's a lot to discuss on this topic. I'm just going to say one very simple thing: the chait of Adam Rishon was a lack of gratitude. Where do we see that from? Been it for a year and a half. What was that? He blames Chava. Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave him a matana. He gave him a wife. What does Adam Rishon do? He's kafui tov. He's ungrateful. Therefore, it must be. That to rectify the sin of Adam Harishon and to bring Mashiach Hakaras HaTov needs to be at the center of our lives. Because if Adam Harishon broke the world through Kviyas HaTov, then we need to rebuild the world by being Makher Tov. How does that apply to us today? There's an unbelievable sefer Achinuch, mitzvah 33. You must at some point in your life see it inside. It goes as follows.

32:22 What's the shayrus haMitzvah? Why do we honor our parents? Why did the Torah give us a mitzvah to mechaber our parents? Says the Sefer HaChinuch. It's about gratitude. It's about acknowledging that somebody brought you into the world and spent their life giving to you. And by the way, it's quite possible that a person, especially in today's day and age, can literally be given all the gifts in the world by their parents and totally not recognize it. Let's do a quick exercise. How much does it cost to raise you? And while we're having this conversation, I just want you to have in the back of your head: whatever the cost was, was that a gift or a loan? Because it's a loan Some of you are in big trouble. Who here is from the five towns? And where are you from in the five towns? North Woodmere is Valley Stream and Lindbrook. You are like a pig sticking out your foot, saying, "Look at me, I'm kosher." I am from Lawrence. I draw the boundaries of the five towns.

33:33 There's an order. It's Lawrence, Cedarhurst. I'm on the gavul. I'm the bridge between Lawrence and Back Lawrence. I'm from Harbourview. It's like a spitz. There's an order. It's called Lawrence, Cedarhurst, Woodmere, and then we're not guyris the other two. Who here is from the Five Towns? And where are you from? Woodmere. And one more was in Woodmere also. You are part of the Five Towns, lower class, but you're with us. Tell me, where did you go to elementary school? Tag. I remember Tag. I remember Tag. Where did you go to high school? Tag. Went to Tag. A real lifer. So all years of Tag. And where did you go to camp? Sturbridge. My wife went to Sternberg, and before that, where'd you go? Did you go to Atara? Like before that, like I lived in Queens So I went to Brooklyn. Wow, so you managed to made it in life. You moved from Queens to where?

34:25 And in the back, where did you go to school? Halb. Halb, and you went to SK. Wow, it's quite an expensive education you got. Where did you go to? Where did you go to? Where did you go to camp? All Sternberg. Sternberg's is a little bit more reasonably priced. What does it cost to send a boy to Israel for the summer after tenth grade? It's, it's like eleven thousand dollars. Do you know that if you just look at the cost of your education, let's assume again, if you're paying full tuition today, it's pretty average to say you're paying thirty, thirty-five thousand dollars for each year of high school, fifteen to twenty thousand dollars for elementary school, camps, clothing, insurance, vacations. Slapping you to the doctor, doing all things. Let's say on average, it might be a little uncomfortable to hear about seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars a kid.

35:23 Just a pitch to make Aliyah. I pay seventy shekel a month tuition. I'm not saying. I'm just saying if you know what I'm saying that if you want to save some money, my kids go to Beis Yako public school. It's amazing, and by the way, they're getting just as good an education, maybe better. If somebody gave you seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars Just because they love you, I'm not even talking about the emotional relationship that you have. I'm talking about something very basic. These people gave you seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. If every time they walked in the room What would you do? You'd get up and go, "Thank you" Thank you. You just gave me seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars. That's unbelievable. How many of us? Don't raise your hand. I'll raise our hand. I'll raise my hand on behalf of all of us. How many of us are significantly lacking in our kibbutz avim? It makes sense that we are because we don't even consciously recognize how much our parents have given us. Let's take it a step further. There's something called being loved into being. Do you know that you did not just appear on this planet?

36:35 You didn't just appear on this planet; you were created by your parents, and then even more than that, everybody in this room has a certain sense of self. And there is a direct correlation between your relationship with your parents and your sense of self. When you go out on a first date, it's going to take courage. It's nerve wracking to go on a first date. Are they gonna like me? Am I gonna like them? It's especially if it's the first person you're ever dating. What gives a person the kiyach to walk into a first date and say, "I'm going to show up authentically"? Where'd you get that from? You were loved into being. Everybody who gave you a sense of self, whether it's camp counselors or division heads or head counselors. Teachers, mechanchot, rakazo, rabeim, rabitzins, rabbis of shuls—they all loved you into being. They gave you a sense of self.

37:24 Nobody gives you a sense of self more than your parents. Not only that, your parents didn't kill you when they had the chance. I mean that—I didn't—I mean that sincerely, seriously. So here, this is a crazy thing. But I know why we have bars on windows in Eretz Yisrael. I know the real reason why. People think it's to keep ganavim from coming into your house. It's not true. I'll tell you the real reason. I baruch Hashem have six children. I have five daughters, and then I had a son, so I have six daughters. And he's very girly. He's very girly. Baruch Hashem, he's going to grow up to be a strong man. But he's the type of kid because he has sisters that he came down the stairs when he was four years old and he said, "I'm having a feeling." I was like, "Oh man, you're gonna get beat up in cheder."

38:11 Dude. You gotta like, We're gonna have to figure this out. So when he was very little, my wife said, "Can you please give him a bottle and rock him back to sleep?" If you are a woman, I don't know how in your lives you learned that you give the child a bottle and you rock them softly. Because if you give a kid a bottle and then you rock them, it's like shaking them up. And when you burp a baby, you're supposed to do it gently, because if you're If you're like Then the baby is going to throw up on you. So here's this beautiful little baby, and he's a tiny little boy, and he's on my shoulder, and I love him very much, and this is my son. I finally had a son, right? I finally had a son. And I put him on my shoulder, and I fed him this bottle, and I'm rocking like I'm in yeshiva, I'm shuckling like I'm davening, and I'm burping him, and all of a sudden I hear the sound that no father wants to hear, and especially if it's a little boy, it just feels like this, but then you feel the warmth.

39:17 I don't need to get any more graphic than this, but you feel it And I immediately cried out, Shira, Shira is my daughter. Shira, come take this child. Because in that moment, I understood why Sora Gim are on the windows. It's not to keep Ganavim out. It's to keep Mikey in. Because if you throw up on me, that's the end of our relationship. I had a friend who threw up on another one of our friends twice. True story. The first time he threw up on him was on the gravitron in Adventureland. For those of you from the Five Towns, you went on camp trips to Adventureland. The gravitron spins very fast. When you throw up, it hits the guy next to you. The second time was in the Halb Choir in seventh grade. He wasn't feeling well. Yetzi was underneath him. We didn't have WhatsApp. I remember that Shabbos, my friends came to shul. They said, "You're not gonna believe it. Sroli threw up on Yitzi again." I was in seventh grade. I said, "They're never gonna speak. That's the end of that relationship." By the way, I was right. I don't think they've ever spoken again.

40:40 Do you realize what was that? A lot of us are afraid of stuff. That's fascinating. Would you like to unpack that now? Seems like a good time. You're all about to go home. Should we unpack the trauma of vomit and mechalala? You just missed it. I understand, and it must have been very important to give us pens. Not sure why. Your parents did disgusting things for you. You know that vision of like. I'm gonna go to Camp Hask summer after Shana Alef so I could finally do some chesed in my life. And guys call me up after that first week. They're like, I don't know if I could do this. Your parents did that for you all the time. That's what they did. And you would have died without them. Comes along the Sefer HaChinuch and he says an unbelievable thing: we naturally lack gratitude to the people that gave us everything, physically, emotionally, financially.

42:01 How many of you are going to college after this? What does that cost? How many of you are taking out student loans? Most people in this room are probably getting some assistance. Probably even somewhere in the back of your head, you're like, "Yeah, when I need to buy my first house, my parents are going to help out." You're an adult. Pay for your own house. Our parents come along and they go, "No, we're going to help." Why? No reason. There's any real reason to love you. I look back on the things that I said to my parents after I came home from Israel. I'm mortified. I'm mortified at the judgmental conversations that I had with my mother. I look back on it. I'll tell you a true story. I came back. I was having an argument with my parents, and I said to my parents I couldn't believe the words came out of my mouth. I'm embarrassed to admit it today. I said to my mother, "You're a couch potato Zionist." I said You live in Lawrence.

42:48 You go to Israel for vacation. You support the Israeli economy by shopping, but you're not. You're never going to make aliyah. I'm going to make aliyah. And my mother said, 'We would have made aliyah if it wasn't for your grandmother.' I said. Do me a favor. Everybody's got a grandmother, right? Every single person has an excuse that they're not making aliyah because of their grandmother. I'm leaving you guys behind. I'm out of here the first second I can. Mama. Shortly thereafter, my parents bought a house in Beit Shemesh. And I remember I said to my mother, "I'm like that's the most five towns thing ever. You bought a house to win a fight." She said, "No, we're really making aliyah," and they did before I went. And my mother's in the airport going, "Catch potato Zionist. When are you making aliyah?" Where in the world did I think that was an okay thing to say? After the Chet of Adom Rishon, we naturally lack gratitude. We say disgusting, despicable things to our parents all the time.

43:41 And if there wouldn't be a mitzvah that would sensitize us to have gratitude towards our parents, we probably wouldn't do it. Even with the mitzvah, how many of us struggle to actually be mechabit our parents? Where does the Sefer Achinuch know this from? He probably knows it from our Gemara. When Hakadosh Baruch Hu said 'Anochi ve'lo yi'elcha,' and the nations of the world accused him of being a balgiva, and then he said 'Kabed es avicha ve'asimecha.' From there, we see what the Sefer HaChinuch says. From there, we see that the inyan of "Kabed es avicha ve'asimecha" is an inyan of gratitude. How do we know this? Because Rashi says, if we are obligated to honor our parents, how much more so must we be obligated to honor our Kadosh Baruch Hu, who gives and sustains life. This is what Rashi says. What's the connection between the mitzvah of Kabat Zavicha veAsimecha and Anoichi Hashem Elokecha?

44:37 Hashem Otsitsicha Meeres Mitzrayim? I don't know much about that window, but it doesn't feel like it's going to be an amazing filter. We'll just learn. The connection between them is gratitude. A person is makir tov to his parents; they become makir tov to the Rebbeinu Shalom. Kaberas avicha v'asimecha and anochi Hashem lo kecha Hashem tzitzich me'eres Mitzrayim are the same onion of gratitude. And by the way, this is what Rashi says. Beferish kedaihi ha'otsos ati umeshubadim li. Why was it worth it for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to take us out of Mitzrayim so that we should be meshubad to Him? Hakadosh Baruch Hu took us out of Mitzrayim, and He goes, "Good, now you have gratitude in order to serve Me." So there is a parallel structure. The same way that we should have gratitude to our parents for everything they do for us, we should have gratitude to Hakadosh Baruch Hu because if not for the fact that Hakadosh Baruch Hu took us out of Mitzrayim, we'd still be slaves. There is an exact parallel structure. But this brings up a very uncomfortable hashkafic question because now it does seem a little bit like Hakadosh Baruch Hu is like. Got us on the hook. I took you out of Mitzrayim, now you're meshubet to me. So it's almost like, again, I hesitate to use these words.

45:56 But it sounds like what's Hakadosh Baruch Hu saying? I'm gonna do for you so that you'll do for me, and that's not so nice. That's not midos tovos. Remember when you were little and your mother said, 'Share your toys so that other girls will share with you.' That's not actually the right hashkafa. That's what your mother needed to say when you were five. Because at five years old you're naturally selfish. What's the right hashkafa? Share your toys with others. Period. Because that's the right thing to do. We share with people. If you share, people will share with you. I want to play with her Barbies, so I'll lend her my Barbies. That's the only reference I have. When I give this share to the boys, I have a million more. But like GI Joes and Legos, I don't know what y'all do. Barbies is the closest I got.

46:47 Really, Hashem took us out of Mitzrayim, and now you do for me. That doesn't sound right. And if you actually look in Mamar Chazal, it kind of sounds that way over and over again. For example The navi yeshaya says, "amzu yatsarti li tehilasi yisabru." I formed this nation, and now they should sing my praises. Sounds like I took them out of Mitzrayim in order to do what? To sing my praises. This is uncomfortable. So what's going on over here? What is the idea? There's a couple of other Mamare Chazal also. The Mishnah Avos says, 'Call Mashabara, Hakadosh Baruch Hu ba'elamai loybaru eluchvaydi.' That anything that Hakadosh Baruch Hu created, He only created for His kavod. Navi Yeshaya says, "Ulechvaydi barasiv" That I created the world in order to get kavod. So what's the idea? Obviously, Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't need our kavod. The idea is as follows. It's an unbelievable idea. There's a Gemara in Makos. You all know this Gemara in Makos. The Gemara in Makos says that Moshe Rabbeinu was given 613 mitzvot.

47:52 Ba'ha Baku Chabakuk came along, and what did he do? He said it's really all one. Tzaddik ba'Emunah Yichya. That the tzaddik lives with his Emunah. What does this mean? What's the connection between 613 mitzvot and Emunah? The marral, which I'm sure you all learned by now, a year and a half in, must be prolific. You must be proficient in every single marral. Says what is emuna? Emuna means dvekas. That's what emuna means. When a person has emuna, it means they're dvek to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. We know the Zayra Hakadosh says that the 248 mitzvot sase are connected to 248 limbs and organs that you have in your body. The 365 mitzvot losase correspond to the 365 sinews that you have in your body. Which means what? Your physical structure of your person. The reason why Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave you these six hundred and thirteen limbs, organs, and sinews is to understand that the purpose of a mitzvah is to connect yourself to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

48:56 You understand? So this is how it goes. Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave us mitzvahs why? So that we could be in a relationship with Him. What's the aside of emuna? Dvekas. What is Chabaka coming along and saying? He's saying as follows. All of these 613 mythos are for one purpose: for us to be in a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Sadik be emunaso yichya. What does this mean? How can I be davek techayim itself through emuna? How can I have what? What does it mean to have a life? Not only to be alive. What does it mean to actually live? Live means I'm in a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. How do I enter into a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu? Amuna is dvekas. How do I live out that amuna in real time? We do mitzvos. We participate in a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That's why if somebody comes along and they say, 'I'm spiritual, but I'm not observant' That's like saying, "I'm your husband. I'm just not interested in doing anything you want me to do."

49:54 And by the way, people do that. What do you mean? I'm a husband. But do you actually participate in the relationship? You're a bank account. You provide money for your family, but when was the last time you spent time with your wife? One of my favorite stories ever, one of the biggest mussars I've ever heard in my life. When I was a kid, I was by Rav Moshe Weinberger Shlita. Shlit"a, Grandfather of Eish Kodesh in Woodmere, not North Woodmere. And although his influence is certainly global, Rav Weinberger tells the story that a couple came to sit with him. There were a couple that were struggling. And he said, "Who wants to go first?" And the wife said, "I'll go first." I'm sorry. The husband said, "I'll go first." The husband says, "I don't know what this woman wants from me. I'm mamish. Do everything she asks. I bring home a parnasa. I take out the garbage. I'm the little league coach. I do everything she wants."

50:47 And the entire time that he's speaking, the woman is shaking her head. And he goes, 'You see, even now, there's nothing I could do to satisfy her.' So Weinberger turns to the wife and he says to the wife, 'Sounds like a good guy. What's the problem?' She says, 'Do you think I married him to take out the garbage? Do you think I married him to provide a parnasa for our family? I married him because of the way that he looked at me under the chuppah. And when's the last time he looked at me that way?' This is the state of marriage today: spiritual but not observant. I feel deeply connected. That's wonderful that you feel deeply connected. I'm glad you feel deeply connected. But how does that play itself out realistically in your relationship? Are you a present husband? Are you a present wife? I gave a shir in a shalom bayis shir in a manasch kol on Wednesday nights And how many of the women expressed? My husband's home, but my AirPods are in.

51:36 If your AirPods are in You're not in a relationship. They have silent mode on your AirPod. You could put your AirPod in and you will hear nothing. I go on El Al, I pull out my AirPods, I put them. If you've flown El Al before, you understand the need to plug in. You shut off the entire world. If you sit in premium, they give you a blindfold or whatever it's called, a face mask. You cover your eyes. You put your AirPods in. You don't hear a thing. The only thing I need is to figure out how to stuff my nose up. Not necessarily a pleasant smell, Allah. I just flew back with a Hamish guy sitting next to me. Nice guy. We do not have the same hygienic sociological upbringing. The Rebbe Nisholom wants to be in a relationship with us. He wants to give us life. Life means to be in a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. How can I be in a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu if I've forgotten His presence in my life?

52:36 This is what we're all struggling with. We serve Hashem. We do six hundred and thirteen mitzvot. How many of us are consciously aware of Hashem in our lives? It was an amazing thing. You ever learn the sefer Bvavi Mishkan Evna? Is that like a thin girl still do? I remember when it first came out. It was a very big seminary sefer. Everyone was going crazy about Bvavi Mishkan Evna. It's a beautiful sefer. I'm not being mezazel in it at all. I just thought it was a little funny that he came along and said you should probably think about Hashem in your life. And people said this sefer is amazing. The whole Torah is trying to tell us that. The whole Torah is trying to say, can you be a God-conscious person in your life?

53:17 This is what the pesukim have always been telling us. If you're kaichi va'etzim yadi, you're not in a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. You're saying it's my world. Look what I can do. I don't need you, Rabbi Nachshon. I don't need you. I have everything that I need. My sister-in-law is a minahelat in one of the seminaries. She told me she can tell you exactly when girls started to really struggle with davening. It used to be a girl came to seminary and she would work on davening. It would be easy to work with a girl on davening. Then they came to seminary and they weren't so interested. Slash, they were interested, but it was really difficult. She said it happened when parents started giving their kids credit cards when they came to Eretz Yisrael. Used to be, you came to Eretz Yisrael, you didn't get a credit card. Mommy, I grew up in Lawrence and my parents didn't give me a credit card. My father said to me, "He's like, look, I'll pay for your tuition, but spending money, that's on you."

54:06 I remember my friend had a credit card. It was very rare. He was a very wealthy kid. He had a credit card and he used to take guys out to eat. Nobody wanted to spend any money because we were spending our own money, so he would say, 'If you come, come with me out to eat. I'll pay for you.' So I was like, "I don't want you to pay for me." He said, "No. You don't have to. You don't understand. I have a magic piece of plastic, and when I give it to the cashier, the food is free." I'm not asking your parents to take me out to eat today. Why do I need to turn to Rabbi Shlom? I have my, I have mommy and daddy's credit card. I have everything that I need. When do we start to turn to the Rebbeinu Shalom? When there are things our parents can't fix for us, then we start to become from all of Taira is meant to counteract this vision of kaiyehi va'isim yadi. We are not in control of our own lives. That's why the Talmud says, "V'zacharti as Hashem al kecha ki hu hanaisin l'chakaiach lasez chayin."

54:58 Who actually gives us the ability to wage war in this world? It comes from the Rebbeinu Shalom. This is what the Chasam Sofer explains. What does it mean, Bar Yehuda Fashal's rabbis v'chesreinon? Why does it say v'chesreinon? Why do we make a bracha thanking the Rebbeinu Shalom for the chesreinus in our lives? You ever stop to think about what Bar Yehuda Fashal says? Every time you make a Bar Yehuda Fashal, you are saying to the Rebbeinu Shalom, "Thank you for making me imperfect. Thank you for making me in such a way that I could get sick. Thank you for making me in such a way that Chasun Shalom we could be poor." What's the pshat? Says the Chassam Sofer. If you never had nicheriness in your life, when would you ever turn to the Rebbeinu Shalom? And that's why we end the bracha by saying Baruch Hey HaElamim. When I recognize that I have a chesar in my life and I turn to the Rebbeinu Shalom, now I'm actually living because now I'm actually connected to the Eibushter.

55:52 So with this in mind, we can understand the Rebbeinu Shalom said Aneichy Hashem Lo Kecha. He didn't do it for his own kavod. He did it for us. He says, "If you're mechabed me, we're in a relationship. I'm giving you 613 mitzvot so that you'll have an opportunity to participate in a relationship with me." If you're married to a man who doesn't know how to tell you what he needs, your relationship is going to be in big trouble. And by the way, if he's married to a woman who doesn't know how to articulate her needs, it's very difficult to be in a relationship with someone like that. You'll say, does the Rebbeinu Sholom really care about bayar? Does the Rebbeinu Sholom really care how I eat a watermelon on Shabbos? You know what the answer is. Apparently that's interesting to him. Why? That's a good question. But if I'm in a relationship with the Rebbeinu Sholom says to me, be careful about bayar on Shabbos. I'm going to be careful about bayar on Shabbos because I want to be in a relationship with the Rebbeinu Sholom, and the Rebbeinu Sholom wants to be in a relationship with us. That's why he gave us Kol Torah Kula. That's why he gave us 613 mitzvos. And here's the key.

56:57 Could we ever serve Hakadosh Baruch Hu in a way where we're God conscious, grateful for all the things that the Rebbeinu Shalom does, and excited to participate in a relationship with Him, if we can't participate in a relationship with our parents? You just spent a year and a half in Eretz Yisrael. That is an unbelievable gift that your parents gave you. What were you doing here for the last year and a half? You were learning to be more God-conscious. Every time you opened up a sefer, you said to yourself, "What is the Rebbeinu Shalom telling me?" That's an unbelievable thing, but it's academic. It's academic. The real work starts now. If you weren't mechabit your parents in high school, because you grew up in a certain community, and it wasn't necessarily obvious in our communities that we should be mechabit our parents. Now you flipped out. You're flipped out, mechala girls. You're good and flipped. I don't know what you flipped from or what you flipped to, but you're good and flipped.

57:54 We've managed to wash your brains. What did we wash your brains to do? To go back home and say to your parents, "What can I do for you?" If you're home, what can I do for you? Every time you go shopping for your parents, you're being mechabed your parents. If your father walks in and you say, 'How was your day?' You're being mechabed your parents. If your mother's cooking for Shabbos, you say, 'Ima, mommy, whatever you call her.' Can I help you? What can I do? I am busy. I'm going to Stern. I'm going to Turo. I have a lot going on. I'm dating. I'm anxious about starting to date. I'm anxious that I started to date and nobody's reached out to me. I started to date, but I can't find somebody, so I'm anxious. Whatever anxiety is going on in your lives You still have a mitzvah of kibud av v'em. And if you place kibud av v'em at the center of your life, I promise you, your relationship with the Rebbeinu Shalom will be significantly enhanced, because that's the whole tachlis of having the mitzvah of kibud av v'em. You can't have anayich Hashem lo kach hashavut seisicham eretz Yisroaim without having kibud avim.

58:56 They're linked. We've shown that a million times this year. They're absolutely linked. Gratitude to your parents, gratitude to their banisholim. That's called dvekas. If a girl comes and she says, it was a very hard transition back from Eretz Yisroel, back home when I started going to college classes and I started worrying about which therapy I'm going to go into—should I be a physical therapist, or a speech therapist, or an occupational therapist, or an actual therapist, or a play therapist, or a hydrotherapist? It was really just a lifeguard. and I had no time to do all the things that when I was in seminary I had hours and hours every single day to think about all these things. Now I'm so worried with all the tests that I have. How do I keep the Rebbeinu Sholom relevant in my life? Honor your parents.

59:42 Honor your parents is the single most important thing you can do, and the emphasis is, I'm at a stage right now in my life where I'm going to a lot of levayas for two reasons. One, because I live in Beit Shemesh, so anytime anybody gets buried from America, they're getting buried in Ner Etz Chaim, and there's always a feeling that we have in Beit Shemesh that it might not be such a big crowd, so we're constantly running to Ner Etz Chaim to be supportive, which is the appropriate thing to do. But I'm also at a stage in my life where lo aleinu, people are losing parents at this point. And so I find myself weekly going to Eretz Yisrael, either for people in America or people in Eretz Yisrael. And I have to tell you one thing: you know what I see? That the ultimate value that people have, because when you hear these eulogies over and over again, you hear the same thing: one, how were they as parents? Two, I wish I would have been a better child.

1:00:30 It just comes up over and over again. The single best advice that anyone can give you: How do you transition back to America successfully? Put your parents at the center of your life. Be home for Shabbos. Spend time with your parents. If you raise boys, I want to give you a gift. Your children should walk to school with their fathers. You know that used to be obvious. It used to be obvious. You walk to shul with your father. Today, tell me, my dad daven's in this minyan, and I'm from, so I go to a minyan that's earlier. I'm like, that's called from davening the minyan that you don't like, and walk your father to shul, or daven v'sikin and walk your father to shul, and then pick him up from shul. You know what nachas it gives a father to sit next to their child in shul? It's an unbelievable nachas. Somehow these things got lost along the way. Shabbos lost a lot of the majesty of Shabbos. People don't dress for Shabbos anymore. Used to be that even off the Derech kids wore a suit on Shabbos.

1:01:22 Maybe you didn't keep Shabbos, you wore a suit on Shabbos. Today it's like shorts and a T-shirt. We don't walk our parents to shul on Shabbos. I don't know when this happened. Put your parents at the center of your life. Spend as much time being mechabed them. Don't do it as a joke. My brother-in-law is very funny. When his mother calls the house, he goes, 'hinim mukheramazuma l'kayim, Mrs. Kibbutzim. Ima, how are you?' You don't need to make a hinim mukheramazuma. You could just be mechabed your parents. I promise you, if you're mechabed your parents, it'll impact your relationship with the Rebbeinu Shalom ten times as much as any shir you ever heard in Mechala. Ten times as much, because that's not academic. That's living in an action. You're walking down the aisles of gourmet glot, picking stuff off a list. You're engaging with the Rebbeinu Shalom. You're doing the laundry. You're cleaning your room. You're helping your mother clean. You know what a nachas it is for a mother to have a daughter who cooks with her. Erev Shabbos, it's a tremendous nachas.

1:02:21 My wife, she's in the kitchen again. Baruch Hashem, the two older ones are married. Now we have only the two middle ones left. They're like helpers. Erev Shabbos is a chavaya. It's a matzav in the kitchen. The music is on. This one's making a potato kugel. This one's frying the schnitzel. And this one's washing lettuce. It's an unbelievable thing. You see, a mother's inner element, nachas. Look at my daughter's help for Shabbos. Bez Hashem Mechabit your parents It will enhance your relationship with the Rebbeinu Shalom meaningfully. Bez Hashem, you'll take that inspiration, that chayus that you get from your Rebbeinu Shalom. Bez Hashem, you'll build beautiful, successful, happy marriages.