Vayeitzei - From Fragmentation To Gratitude: Rectifying Adam's Sin

2:19 Which is an amazing thing. If you're from a family of balei teshuva, then you know that means you have very growth oriented parents. My home was the hub for everything Jewish. My cousins would come to us for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and Chanukah and Pesach and anything that happened Jewish. We're the family that you go to. If there is a bar mitzvah, there is a bat mitzvah. If something's going on, we're the ones making the brachos. But Thanksgiving dinner every year was at my aunt and uncle's house. Every year Thanksgiving was at my aunt and uncle's house, and when I say Thanksgiving was there, I mean the whole nine yards. Start off in the morning at the Thanksgiving Day parade, and then you go to your. My aunt and uncle lived out on the tip of Long Island, and we would travel out like two hours to go see them. And then playing football in the backyard and watching football afternoon. And my uncle was carving the turkey like a surgeon. I'm talking about those guys with the electric knife, and every piece is like.

3:20 Paper thin, and you could see through it. His mom was sitting there, like he was like a real brisker. It had to have a certain shear of how thin the slice of turkey would be. And even though they didn't keep a kosher home, they would make sure that everything was kosher for us. We knew that we could eat on their china because they weren't keeping Shabbos. The only time they would use their china was on Thanksgiving when they were serving the kosher food to us. So we mamish had like kosher Thanksgiving at their house every single year, and it's like the whole nine yards. Everybody gets apple cider in front of them, and there's sweet potato pie, yams, turkey and stuffing, and of course before you eat Everybody has to go around and say what they're thankful for. And this is literally the way I grew up. Eighteen years ago, when I came to Mevaseret, it was the first time I was out of America and wasn't going to be having a Thanksgiving dinner.

4:15 And I came to Mevaseret, and Mevaseret, we have a big Thanksgiving dinner. That's the shtick. But a big Thanksgiving dinner, we have massive turkeys and stuffing. And honestly, I have a massive amount of turkey and stuffing in my car right now. And the only reason I'm not eating it is because I don't want to fall asleep on the drive home. And before I came to yeshiva, I was like, okay, it's Thanksgiving dinner, and we're about to sit down to Thanksgiving dinner in yeshiva 18 years ago, and we had 44 kids in yeshiva that year. And I said to the boys, guys, we can't have Thanksgiving dinner until every guy goes around and says what they're thankful for. And I videoed it and I sent it to my aunt and uncle in America. And I said, "Look, I brought your minug of saying thank you. I brought it to Yeshivasol for the boys. And Baruch Hashem, the minug continues to today. It's a little bit harder today now that we have 250 boys in yeshiva. Everyone has to say what they're thankful for. Like I'm thankful for this. I'm thankful for that. Because otherwise, it'll take us hours until we get to eat. But Baruch Hashem, the minug continues until today. And I'll tell you the truth. I went around to every single shir in the yeshiva today. Every single shir, I interrupted the shirim and I said

5:17 There's a new policy in yeshiva. Sometimes if you violate the policy of the yeshiva, the yeshiva will work with you. Like a boy comes back late for curfew. Say that you shouldn't come back late for curfew. Maybe there's a little discipline, but we'll work with you. If you keep violating the policies over and over again, clearly you're not in the right yeshiva. Let's help you find a yeshiva that's going to be better suited for your needs. I said if you violate this new policy of the yeshiva, expulsion. Expulsion, and I will not negotiate with you, and I will not help you find another yeshiva. You don't. If you violate this policy, you're out. No ifs, ands, or buts. The policy is: every single guy has to call their parents and say thank you. Every single guy, the entire world is giving thanks today. It's Thanksgiving. We have to call our parents and say thank you. Derech eretz, k'dma le'tayra.

6:04 Today is an unbelievable opportunity to say thank you to our parents. Girls, your parents gave you everything. Everything. Your parents gave you everything. Think about that. Your parents. First of all, you have your life because of your parents. If your parents didn't exist, you don't exist. So how much have your parents given you? They've given you everything that you have. Now let's do a little math. How much do you think it costs to raise you? Let's just talk for a second. If you grew up in the Orthodox, let's think about what it cost to raise you through elementary school, middle school, high school, and camp. Conservatively, the answer is a quarter of a million dollars. We didn't talk about vacations. We didn't talk about cars. We didn't talk about insurance. We didn't talk about taking you to the doctor. We didn't talk about changing your diaper. We didn't talk about your bat mitzvah. Conservatively, just a quarter of a million dollars before we got to everything else. Let's say all in till the time you're 18 years old. And it's probably more than this. Let's say it was about half a million dollars to raise you.

7:09 That's a gift. Somebody gave you life itself. And somebody gave you half a million dollars. And not only did they give you money, they gave you love. We do not come into this world. People talk about self-love. Self-love is a myth. The way that we know to love ourselves is because people loved us into being. Every time you were crying when you were little, and you will not appreciate this until you're a mother yourself. When it is three o'clock in the morning and the baby starts crying, somebody comes to get you. Somebody fed you. Somebody changed you, and they were not able to go back to sleep. Or if they did, when they woke up in the morning, they were exhausted. And these people loved you into being, so you exist because of them. They gave you financially more than you could possibly imagine, and they gave you the greatest gift of all—they gave you their love. And how many of us don't express hakaras atov to our parents in a consistent way? The answer is everybody, including myself.

8:08 We do not consistently thank our parents. In fact, we have the chutzpah. To sometimes, I'm sure not anybody here, but maybe some people here, but nobody here, but sometimes maybe people here Criticize our parents that they didn't do enough for us. Could you imagine if a stranger had given you half a million dollars for no reason? You didn't do anything to earn it. Would you be critical of them if they didn't do everything exactly as you wanted? She's so annoying. She keeps asking me why I'm not going to her sister for Shabbos. Like seriously. Where is our? Why is it? Why is it that the human condition doesn't necessarily bring up gratitude? Does that make sense? Here's the question: Why are we not constantly expressing our gratitude? And it's not just to our parents. How often in life do we not recognize the amazing things that are in front of us?

9:03 How many people here are afraid of roller coasters? Nice. Me too. How many people here? When you're on a roller coaster. And you're terrified. Are you screaming? I went on a roller coaster once in my life. I went on the Great American Screaming Machine at Great Adventure. After that, I remember sitting next to my best friend at the time. I said, if we survive this, I'm gonna kill you. And I remember I was so scared I never went again. Remember you screaming? You're on the roller coaster. You're screaming. What if the roller coaster was 30,000 feet in the air? How much would you be screaming? What if you were in a metal tube, thirty thousand feet in the air And you're like The food on Alal is terrible. You're thirty thousand feet in the air. You're flying thousands of miles an hour. You know you should be doing the entire time that you're on a plane. You should be holding on to the sides of your seat and going like, 'We're flying! We're flying! This is amazing! You're experiencing the miracle of flight.' Do you know that my grandparents came to Israel in the 60s? It took them weeks to get here because they came here by boat. People died along the way. It was like the Oregon Trail. You ever play that game on the computer? People died along the way. Not every people said

10:20 "I'm making the decision to come to Eretz Israel." Not everybody made it. How often did you get on El Al and somebody died on the plane along the way? If you are the person who has that trauma, we can unpack that later privately. I'm so sorry. It's a 12-hour flight. People do it all the time. People like cost $1,800 now to fly. It's $1,800 to fly across the world. Can't believe you have to pay for the Wi-Fi. You have Wi-Fi on a plane. This technology didn't exist that long ago. The nature of a human being is not to have gratitude. Does it make sense? The Shaila What are we supposed to do about all this? You hear the problem? Who's the first person in the Torah not to have gratitude? That's a question. Who's the first person in the Torah not to have gratitude? Adam Harishon is the correct answer.

11:15 Where do we see that Adam Harishon didn't have gratitude? For Chava, because after Adam Harishon sinned, Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes to him and says "Why'd you do this?" What does he answer? Haisha asher nasata imadi. What does the Gemara in Avodas Arayos say? Adam Arishon is the first kafvoy tov. What does it mean to be a kafvoy tov? It's the single worst thing you can say about someone. You want to know what makes a great spouse? Very simple. Authentic levels of gratitude. Your husband comes home. Imagine the scene. He walks in the door. There's dinner on the table. Does that dinner magically appear? No. Somebody worked very hard to make that dinner, right? And he comes home and he sits down at the table and he just starts eating. How do you feel? Terrible. What's it? What am I, your maid? What am I, your cook? I just show you, like, show up and you start eating.

12:13 And yet, how many of us accidentally fail to make a bracha? That food didn't just appear from nowhere. Making a bracha is a basic expression of akharasatov. One of my favorite stories in Mevaser. Many years ago, this big tzaddik in Mevaser, his name is Rezucker. He was a rebbe in Mevaser. He was right here in the neighborhood. Rezucker, a boy in yeshiva made a bracha. He made a bracha like this, and he goes. What's the problem? It's a basic lack of akharasatov. Imagine if your husband instead of saying, "Wow" Dinner is delicious. I really see that you must have worked hard on this. Thank you so much. Imagine if he goes. And he keeps eating. It's a basic lack of hakaras hatov. I'm going to say something that's a little bit controversial, but I don't think it should be controversial at all. We're not training young men and young women to be good husbands and good wives today.

13:08 It's our fault. It's not the kids' fault. We're not training. We tell these boys to sit and learn Gemara and become big talmidei chachamim. Just because you know how to learn a block of Gemara does not mean you will be a good husband. Are you going to be? You're going to be a good husband because you know how to tiech up a machleikus between the Rambam and Taisus. We were always meant to teach our young men a lot of different halakim and Torah. You're supposed to learn Tanakh. You're supposed to learn Mishnayot. You're supposed to learn Gemara. You're supposed to learn Hashkafa. You're supposed to learn Musar, and all of those things shape you into a human being. If a boy just learns Gemara, tell me when does he ever learn Derech Eretz? Especially if he's not living at home He's in the dorms. When is he going to learn to be about derech eretz?

13:55 So it's a very important thing. The same is true for the girls. Just because you're here in seminary and you feel like you're learning all these amazing topics, sometimes these topics remain intellectual. Now I know it's not true here in Torah Devora. I know we have a stellar group of girls. Vaharaya. Last week I mentioned Ravarets shouldn't be setting up the chairs. This week, Rav Arutz isn't setting up the chairs, so we have a growth oriented group. Baruch Hashem. But do you ever hear a shir from a rabbi and you're like, 'That's nice' That's nice, but you don't take the opportunity to inculcate those middos into yourself? I want to share something. It's a little bit of a pet peeve. I'm not here to give mussar. I'm just here to say a thing. It's not mussar. I'm just saying a thing. If a teacher comes to teach.

14:43 I don't, I don't, and I don't want you to do it now. I'm saying in a general sense. If a teacher comes to teach, do you know what that means? That means that a teacher who is dedicating themselves to you They work hard to prepare a shir, brand new. They work hard to prepare a shir. They show up and you go. Nah, I'm not down. Do you realize? Do you know what that means? Somebody came to teach you, Torah. My father gave me this mostly when I was a kid. My father came back from parent teacher conferences one year and he says to me, "Goes, is it true you sleep in class?" I was like, "Yeah." I didn't even know I did anything wrong. I was like, "Yeah, I sleep in class." You know, like I don't know if girls do this, but boys back in the day we used to buy those like giant down jackets. Like the triple fat goose jackets where like the sleeves are like pillows. So you like put your two hands together and it's like a double pillow. And I would just put my hood over my head and I was just like.

15:39 Conk out and go fast asleep. You wake up with that giant somnohemorrhage on your head, giant red mark. And then you slowly come back to life. Class is over, everybody's already left the class, and you wake up and you go, why is it so quiet? You go, shoot, it's like twelve thirty, everyone's at lunch. So I said to my dad, I sleep in class. Lots of people sleep in class. He said, somebody came to teach you. I said, dad, he didn't come to teach me. He came to teach the class. And my father looked at me like I was an idiot, because I was. What do you mean, the class? You're the class. He's not teaching the class. He's teaching human beings that are in front. Sometimes nobody means it. It's not on purpose. It's a rebbe's job to be entertaining. It's a rebbe's job to give over Torah that's captivating. But do you know that if you're in a phone-free zone, nobody here is on their phone. But if you're on your phone, first of all, it's completely disrespectful.

16:34 Especially if you're doing this move. Let's say this is your phone. Let's say you're sitting. I know not everyone in the back is gonna be able to see me. This move where you've got the phone on your lap And you're looking at the teacher, but also looking at your phone, and you're flicking like this. The teacher sees you. What do you think the teacher thinks you're doing? I have been alive for 45 years. In my life, I have never seen someone go like this. We're not blind. So we know you have a phone. Understand this: somebody came to teach you Torah, and you're like, 'Yeah, but I have a thing I want to look at.' It's a lack of hakaras hatov. Somebody came to teach you Torah. That's an unbelievable thing. And again, nobody means anything bad. Everyone did it. We were all kids. I'm not judging. I'm just saying. Just saying a thing.

17:30 Talking in she'er, passing notes. You girls know there's a gift you can give to every speaker. You wanna know what the gift is? The gift is eye contact. There's always one person in every single class who makes great eye contact with the speaker, and when you're speaking, they go like this. And it's like I'm talking to her. She gets it. She's nodding her head. It's a gift you can give to someone. You could say thank you after the shiur. One of my favorite experiences. Every single summer, I have this privilege. I love teaching here in Talmud Torah. Please don't get me wrong. I love teaching in Mivaser. I love teaching in Ber Miriam. I love teaching in Sharfen. I love speaking all over the place. I love it. I love teaching in Ansys Yikola in the summer. I love speaking on Give. It's unbelievable. I like speaking on everything. It's awesome. But none of it compares to when I get to speak in the summers with the TJJ kids.

18:19 TJJ kids are the kids that came from public school backgrounds that come to Israel for the summer. It is unbelievable to see. It's amazing. And I have to tell you. The feeling in the room The aura in the room is completely different. Completely different. These kids are thirsty for Torah because they didn't grow up with it. It's not like it was given to them on a silver platter. So you come to TJJ and you say, "I want to teach you about an amazing story between Abraham and Isaac," and you see these kids, they're like Teach me. This is what I came for. I came to Israel because I want to learn about my Jewish heritage. I want to tell you the difference between when you speak on a TJJ program and when you speak in every other place. At the end of speaking again, and nobody means anything bad by it. If you speak in any other program where the kids are Orthodox Jews that were raised in Orthodox families, going to seminaries and yeshivas and high schools and beis yachivs, they'll come over after class and go, Rabbi, that was a really good shiur.

19:19 You speak to the TJJ kids. You know what they say at the end? Thank you so much. The difference is that we who grew up in the orthodox were evaluating how they did, Rabbi. That was a good one. So they're letting you know, heila, I'm complimenting you, not Rabbi. You did a good job. I'm inspired. The TJJ kids say thank you. They have a karasatov because they say that was an unbelievable thing. Why is gratitude so exceptionally difficult? Why is it difficult to pay attention? Somebody came to teach us d'var. Why is it difficult to pay attention? Why is it difficult? Sometimes you don't realize this, but when let's say a girl decided to come back late for curfew. I'm sure never before has a girl come back late for curfew. Do you know what that meant when you came back late? Was it possible that a madrichah had to start making phone calls to find out where you were and stay up late until you got back? Is that possible that happened? Do you realize that you didn't just break a rule?

20:24 But you made someone like. Like have to do something that was like uncomfortable. They had to stay up later for you. Do we apologize afterwards? Do we make amends? Do we apologize only because we have to? Do we even realize that we did anything wrong, or do we spend our time complaining about the fact that it's so odious, crazy, like everything in the school is like a rule violation? You know what I'm saying? It's a lot of self-glaze tonight. I know that I'm using all the brain rot words. I'm saying, do you hear what I'm saying? Why is it so difficult? The answer is Adomari shol'm send. Until the time that Adam and Eve sinned, everything in this world was absolutely aligned. Body and soul. Everything was absolutely aligned. The first sin shattered all of reality. Everything in this world became fragmented as a result of the sin of Adam and Eve.

21:17 And now, it's not easy. Listen to these words because this is the critical point of today's shir. To have hakara. What does hakara mean? A recognition of what is good. Before Adam and Eve sinned, everything was clear. You looked at the body. What did you see? The soul. There was no difference. Body, soul. It's like a lamp and a lampshade. Like a lamp and a lampshade. It works. You don't think of the lamp and the lampshade as being against each other. A lamp and a lampshade work together. There's the lamp. I want it to be a little darker in this room, so we have a lampshade. The body and the soul used to be in perfect harmony with each other, and therefore there was a complete recognition in this world of what was good. You looked at something, you said, "That's good." The moment that Adam and Eve sinned Everything in reality shifted. Now you can't recognize good anymore.

22:10 So the entire purpose of Judaism is to do what? To rectify the sin of Adam and Eve. That is why Judaism exists. If Adam Harishon didn't sin, there would be no such thing as Judaism. Somebody reached out to me; I think it was yesterday. They're like, "Wasn't everybody always Jewish before?" Like Avram Avinu was like, "No, Avram Avinu was the first Jew. Adam Harishon wasn't a Jew until the time of Avram Avinu. Anyone, the Ramchal says, could have become Avram Avinu. Avram Avinu was special because he became Avram Avinu and he built a family and eventually tribes and eventually a nation. That our singular mission in this world is to rectify the sin of Adam Harishon, which means that the single most important thing for a Jew to have is hakaras hatov. If Adam Harishon lacks gratitude as a result of his sin, where the world becomes fragmented, what is our responsibility to reunite the world and make it one?

23:13 In order to have Hakar Sato, to recognize Hashem's goodness in this world, does that make sense? Yes. One more time, does that make sense? Excellent. One last time. Hey, we're getting better every time. It's amazing. Where do we see Hakar Sato in this week's parsha? Who is born in this week's parsha? Whose name expresses Hakar Sato? Very good. Leah has a child. It's the fourth child. What's his name? His name is Yehuda. Why? Listen carefully. Hapam oda es Hashem. Now I will thank God. What are the next words? Kinasati yoser michalki. Because I have been given more than my share. What does that mean? What it means is as follows. There's two ways of looking at this world. There's looking at this world from the perspective that Hashem created this world and then left, like a watchmaker. The watchmaker sets the watch in motion and then he doesn't have to do anything anymore.

24:20 Or alternatively, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is involved in every single second of creation, and the Balshemtoh says there's not a leaf that blows that is not being controlled by Ashkach and Pratis. Those are the two ways of looking at the world. Either Hashem set it and forget it, or Hakadosh Baruch Hu is deeply involved in every single second. Listen to the words of Leia Imenu. These words are critical. What does Hakarasatov mean? Hakarasatov is the recognition of Hashem in this world. If you just had a chilek and you never got more than your chilek That would mean that Hashem said it and forgot it. I'll say it again. I want to make sure everybody gets this. If Hashem creates the world and He says, 'now everything is in motion.' So therefore, everything in this world is going to go exactly as I planned it. And Hashem is not involved. Then you would have a portion, and you would never get less than your portion, and you would also never get more than your portion. Does that make sense?

25:22 What is Leah telling us when naming her son Yehuda? She says, "Hapam od es Hashem. Now I can thank Hashem. Why?" Hinasati yoser. Mechelki, because I got more than my share. What does it mean to get more than your share? More than your share means there's a recognition that Hashem is involved in every single moment of your life. Do you girls know the gorilla experiment with the bat with the basketball? I'm going to say it again very quickly because it's a critical experiment. They did an experiment. They have a group of people playing basketball. Black versus white. Jerseys. Black jerseys versus white jerseys. Black jerseys versus white jerseys And they tell the people in the experiment to count the number of passes, and we're going to grade you. Count the number of passes in the experiment. Count the number of passes in the experiment. So the people who are watching, they're super focused. One pass, two pass, three pass, four pass, and it's a fast paced video. The whole thing is about a minute and a half.

26:32 And at the end, everyone hands in their scores. And the person who's monitoring the experiment goes, "How many of you saw the gorilla?" And half the people, literally half the people in the experiment go like this What gorilla? Seriously, you didn't see the gorilla? What gorilla? They replay the video. Halfway through the video, a six foot three man, same size as the players, comes out in the gorilla costume. He walks into the middle of the court, is there for about three seconds, and then walks off. And literally, only about half the people see the gorilla. How could that possibly be? The experiment is brilliant because it teaches us something that's absolutely fundamental. When you're paying attention to something, you are not paying attention to other things. If you're looking at this world and you don't see God. All you focus on is the materialism of this world. You just look at what is. You don't look at anything beyond that. You won't ever express gratitude. You know why that husband comes home and he doesn't say thank you to his wife?

27:41 You know what? You know why a wife doesn't say thank you to her husband for bringing home a parnasa? A famous line from Rabbi Kohn Schlitte. I love this line. He tells the women, if you want your husband to thank you for making the challah, make sure to thank him for bringing home the bread. I like that was one of those rabbi jokes We love those jokes. We don't care if we brick. We think you're stupid for not getting our jokes. One day you're going to be mothers, and you're going to love corny Abba jokes. And your husband is going to make all those corny Abba jokes. And you're going to look at your husband lovingly and say, 'He's such a fun dad.' And your kids are going to go, 'Abba, stop.' And that is nachas. It's a good line. If you want your husband to thank you for making the challah, how come you don't say thank you to him for making all the bread? You know what it is? Because you're not focused on that. Because we get so focused on the surface level reality that we don't pay attention to what's going on underneath. So we don't say thank you, and then we start looking at everything that's negative in our lives. And I want to tell you a story. And some of you know him But I don't mind saying his name.

28:56 My closest friend in the world, his name is Yitzi Haber. If anybody has a right to be miserable in this world, it's Yitzi. Yitzi lost his leg to cancer when he was 13 years old. You know what that's like to be an amputee at your bar mitzvah. He tells a story that he came to shul once, and it was had his prosthetic leg, and it was like new for him And he felt like it was off, and he came to shul, and his foot broke off. And it was like one of those sloped places where you walk down the aisle of those shoes, and he fell, and his foot is rolling down the aisle And he's cracking up. What's it like for a little kid? His mom died of cancer, and his dad died of Lou Gehrig's disease. And he's the happiest person in the world.

29:50 He's the and if anybody here knows him, anybody here know him Anybody ever seen Yitzi at Bar Mitzvah? I know Rav Arutz. I know you know Yitzi, Haber. And you knew him back in the day when he was in Camp Simcha. Happiest person in the world. Happiest person in the world. What's the pshat? You knew him Without a foot, after everything that he's gone through Happiest person in the world. You know what the pshat is? It's just a question of what you're paying attention to. Some people are paying attention to the ball being passed. Some people are paying attention to the gorilla suit that's in the middle of the court. Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence is not obvious to us. Since the sin of Adam Harishon, everything became a lack of recognition. The job of a Jew is to pay attention. The job of a Jew is to pay attention.

30:42 And it's not an easy thing to do. Again, I don't mean to give any mussar, but how many of us didn't take high school seriously? The only thing we remember from biology is the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Half this room knows that a squared plus b squared equals c squared, but you don't even know why or what that really means. You have somewhere in the recesses of your brain, you're like, I think something about Soka Tua. Drink. It's chaval that we don't actually It's chaval that we don't pay attention. It's a beautiful Tormer Devora moment. It's chaval that we don't pay attention, because if we don't pay attention, we don't get to see Hashem's hand in science and we don't get to see Hashem's hand in history. It's good to pay attention to these things. Rav Olba and Aleishor writes that a person should study history, because then they'll get to see Yirah Hashem and how everything in this world is playing out exactly as it should be.

31:47 And it's true, the world is a very hard place. How can I have a hakaras hatov to Hashem when things are so difficult? The answer is. We're emotionally complex people. We can recognize that things are hard, and we can also recognize the endless bounty that Hashem has given us in our world. You know why we have a mitzvah of kibur avim? The Sefer HaChinuch writes. The whole reason you have a mitzvah of kibur avim is to express your hakaras hatov to your parents. Because he says you can't have a relationship with Hashem. If you can't have a basic recognition of somebody above me giving me things And I have to say thank you. And if you say thank you to your parents, then you'll say thank you to Hashem. In other words, if you don't say thank you to your parents, you have missed out on an opportunity to build a relationship with Hashem. Sefer Achenoch writes, 'Don't trust me. Go look it up. Mitzvah thirty-three. Every girl has a chiyav. You should look it up. Sefer Achenoch, Mitzvah thirty-three. Go read the words inside. Gorgeous, stunning prose that every Jew should have hung on their fridge in their house.' She be mechabed your parents like crazy. You know how chashuv the mitzvah of kibud av vemayim is. Esav was over on shvichas damim gilei arayas and avod dezara

32:53 And Yaakov Avinu was afraid to confront him because he did the mitzvah of kibud av vemayim, and Yaakov Avinu had to run away to the house of Lavan. Which means that in some way Esav had a shmirah in Shamayim, some connection to Hashem that Yaakov Avinu himself thought maybe I don't have because I wasn't mechabed my parents. Which the Chinuch writes is a fundamental expression of Hakaras HaTov. We are here to be Makir Hashem in this world. I want to say something again. No agenda. This is coming from Matt Berg. This is not coming from anywhere else. It's just coming from me. Akperach to me. I want to share with you that you may not realize. You probably don't, and it's not your fault. We're programmed since the time of Adam Rishon not to pay attention. We're programmed that way. How many of us said thank you to our teachers here in Tomer Devora today?

33:44 Good. Baruch Hashem, some hands raised. How many people recognize that a mechanecha comes in and she dedicates her time to listening to you? How many people say thank you to the people in the office, the people behind the scenes who get things done? I want to tell you a beautiful thing. There's a boy in our yeshiva. This boy has sterling midos. After Rosh Hashanah, he came to me and he said, "Rabbi Berg, please send me the number of every person who works in the kitchen. I want to reach out to every person in the kitchen and say thank you for making us such delicious food." That's a husband. Now he's forty, so it only relates to about ten percent of you. But for the ten percent of you, he's a great guy, and he has a brother who's also sterling midos. I came to my office Tuesday morning this week.

34:40 And the truth is I've been sick as a dog all week. I get a big Mazel Tov. I had a grandson on Shabbos. Thank you. Merchan Shem Bayu. Amen. Halvai, you should say each other's. You should say Amen like that when other people make a shahakol. In the cheder of Shalom. Shalom Yisrael. Amen. Thursday night, I started getting sick. I didn't come home till two thirty in the morning. Till I was done, Tormodvorot. By the way, it took me an hour and ten minutes to get from Tormodvorot to Mevaseret last week. They shut down the entire highway. It was crazy. We had late mishmar till I got home. It was two thirty in the morning when I got sleep. I woke up the next morning early. My daughter was going to have the baby. My wife woke me up because she needed to go with my daughter to have the baby, so I needed to wake up.

35:36 My wife went to the hospital. I think I'm funny a little bit too. My wife went with my daughter to have the baby. My wife had a big shilu. If the baby is born on Shabbos, am I allowed to come home? Now it's not so obvious. Atzilah members are allowed to come home. Why are Atzilah members allowed to come home? Because we're choish that if we don't let them come home on Shabbos, next time they won't take the call. In America, they're even allowed to drive home themselves. Rishlam is lamen arbach. A little bit more machmir in Eretz Yisrael. Only through a guy. I said, what's the din with my wife? Is she like an Atzala person or not? Baruch Hashem, I have a close relationship with her. By Arye Liba with Shlita, a good chaver of mine, and a tremendous talmachachem, a person I look up to, unbelievable. So I reached out to Arye and I said, Rebbe, what do you think? And he says, I don't think it's muter for her to come home on Shabbos because the only reason that we allow Atzala members to come home on Shabbos is because maybe they won't take the next call. But a wife who's going in with her daughter to have the baby to be the doula is certainly going to go in the next time with her daughter. So I think she has to stay.

36:33 So I called my wife. I said you have to stay. My wife quickly ran and she got the last room in Hadassa Baby, which is a hotel in Hadassa Hospital. The last room that they had was the suite. And my wife said, "I don't want to be lonely over Shabbos." I was mamish starting to get sick, but I noticed that I said my wife really was like saying in such a way that she's gonna feel lonely. So I said to my wife, "Okay, I'm gonna come." I came for Shabbos. I surprised her actually. She didn't know that I was gonna come. I told her only afterwards. I came. She walked into the. She like came and I was like, "Okay, let's go." She's like, "Of course you came, Ruch Hashem, good husband." Yeah, get my points. Let everybody know I'm a good husband. Get my guyva filled for the night She had the baby Friday night.

37:13 Totally, by Shabbos morning, I was already so I was like, you can't breathe, and you're like, I for sure have strep, but you don't have strep. Sunday morning, I went to yeshiva. I got a strep test. I didn't have strep. I was like, there's no way they don't have strep. I took the long test. I also don't have strep. Until this morning, I mamish couldn't speak. I went to yeshiva every single day this week. Baruch Hashem, busy week. We had 60 visitors in Mevaseret this week coming to check out the yeshiva. And I have to talk all morning to these people. I'm like, "Welcome to yeshiva." I smoke three packs a day. Kids are like, "You should start vaping. It's much healthier." " Nah I only use ins. The what? What is that? Until today I managed couldn't speak. A boy, I walk into my office Tuesday morning.

38:13 Is a thank you note on my desk from one of the boys. Rabbi, I just want to say thank you for everything that you do for the yeshiva. Signed anonymous, and then he wrote his name right next to anonymous. First of all, that's hysterical. That's the word. Second of all, that's a husband. Is he Ashkius too? He is Ashki. So for 90% of you Racist. What a racist room. I'm confident that the point of this conversation was not to determine how many white people and black people are in the audience. I don't even remember what I was saying.

39:39 Oh yeah, I remember. In Talmud Bavli, we can all drink from the same water fountains. We can all ride in the same places on the bus. It doesn't matter how many people are in Sparta and Ashkenaz. You want to marry somebody that knows how to say thank you. The same way you want to marry somebody who knows how to say thank you, you want to say thank you. Because if you want to marry somebody who has that middah, then you have to have that middah yourself. So let's ask ourselves the question. We're here in Tomer Devora. There are people dedicating their lives to making this seminary great. They're dedicating their lives to making sure that you have everything that you need in order to make this an unbelievable year for yourself. So do we sit there complaining? How many people? How many people are thanking Sheferina on a daily basis? How many people are thanking the janitorial staff? How many people just walk into a rabbi's office and just go? I know that probably it's hard to be in your job. How many people go to Mrs. Lichten and go? It's hard to be in your job. How many people? How many people go to Mrs. Treng and say thank you for putting me on your status?

40:42 How many people bring the takis or whatever it is? You get this if you know the school. It builds you as a person to say thank you. And if Chassvashalom, you're in the opposite place where you're in a state of being a kafui tov. You're nitpicking about all the little things and figuring out how to blame everybody else. And maybe you're speaking lashon hara And maybe you're saying, "Yeah, I don't know." You know, like everyone, like rates, everyone, like it's lashon hara. Everyone, like talking, like everyone talks, like about institutions. Like you know, what matters? What we say. It matters when we get out there and say, "Yeah, it's great." It matters when we get up there and say, "It's not," it matters. It really matters. So I want to implore every one of us. Because it is this week's parsha, you have been given more than you deserved. People give you their blood, sweat, and tears to make this year awesome. Please don't forget to reach out before Shabbos and say thank you to the people that are making this year awesome for you, to your parents, to your siblings, to your grandparents. Have a beautiful Shabbos.