Thanksgiving - The Unity of Gratitude

2:55 Everything is part of one seamless chain of who I am as a person. A person wakes up in the morning to daven. They go to work. Those are not two separate things. That's all part of the same avodas Hashem. I serve a Kadosh Baruch Hu in davening. I serve a Kadosh Baruch Hu in the beis medrash. I serve a Kadosh Baruch Hu in my job. I serve a Kadosh Baruch Hu as a husband. I serve a Kadosh Baruch Hu as a father. There's something about. Life that when it's seamless As Rav Huttner said to a Talmud Who said to him after he left Yeshiva, 'Rebbe, I feel like I'm leading a dual life.' Rav Huttner said, 'It's not a dual life; it's a broad life. It's many rooms in the same house.' A person when they're living When they're living a dual life, when they're living a fragmented life, there's something deeply uncomfortable for us.

3:56 When a person is living a broad life and everything is working together and everything is harmonious There's a certain simchas achaim that a person gets from that. Life makes sense. Life is meant to be seen in a unified fashion. It's achdos. The Rebbeinu Sholom. When we say God is one, when we say that we believe in one God, it doesn't just mean that we believe in one God and not many gods. It means we believe that oneness is at the core of everything in the world. Everything in my own personal life, everything in the world at large. A person who believes in one God believes that everything they encounter has godliness within it, and everything flows seamlessly from one thing to another. We live in a generation, and this is a very dangerous thing. We live in a generation that's exceptionally, exceptionally am a negative thing, but we live in a generation where people have put the notion of self on a pedestal.

4:57 They've put themselves in the center of their universe. And it wasn't always like this. There was a time, even in American history, when John F. Kennedy got up and he said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." There was a notion of something larger than yourself that you were a part of. There was a notion of service, of what am I contributing to something else, and not what am I taking. It's ironic that Thanksgiving is followed by Black Friday today. Because the notion of gratitude stands opposed, in every sense of the word, to the notion of consumerism. I remember when COVID hit There were people that were pulling their membership from the shuls. Because they said, "Why should I pay membership if I'm not going to the shul?" And rabbi muscat from oceanside, new york Wrote a scathing article—a brilliant article—challenging the members of all of the communities. The article went viral.

6:04 Saying, 'Are you partners in our business, or are you consumers of our business?' If you're a partner, then when the going gets tough, you don't just run away. The business is struggling. Now's the time to double down. We don't just give up on the business. If you're a consumer of the business, then you check out. Why should I pay for something that I'm not getting served anymore? I remember it was even a conversation. I'm sure the Rosh Yeshiva remembers this. I remember it was even a conversation when COVID hit, and guys couldn't come back to yeshiva after Pesach. There was a conversation happening in the world. New. Are the yeshivas going to give a refund because our children aren't coming back to yeshiva? Baruch Hashem, I think by and large it didn't happen here in Mevaseret. Because the parents understood that the rebbeim are their partners And that the business was struggling, we weren't able to be there in person to teach the talmidim of the yeshiva. The rebbeim have lives, and the rebbeim need to get paid. Because the parents, baruch Hashem, saw us as their partners, and they weren't just consumers of mevaseret It didn't become an issue. It wasn't like, "Give us back our money."

7:11 The people that ran away from shuls and said, 'Why should I pay membership?' That was just a symptom of a much larger fragmentation that was happening in their lives. I'm a consumer. Everything is about me. When you put yourself at the center of the universe, it's a destructive force. It's not a way to make shalom in the world. That's not a way to love. That's not a way to bring people together. You should know in your life that things are going to be very challenging at times. There's going to be issues. There's going to be machlokos. There's going to be all sorts of things that are going to rub you the wrong way. People who place themselves at the center of the universe have no idea how to interact with people. Everything is a slight. Everything is an attack. People who lead lives of service. People who prioritize the community.

8:01 People who recognize that there's a symmetry to creation and see oneness everywhere they go. When somebody does something inappropriate, they don't get riled up or lose themselves over it. Say, Beseder Beseder, this person is hurt. They're able to still engage with them on the level of oneness. They don't need to lose themselves over it. This idea of a fragmented life versus a unified life—it's really everything. It's really everything. A person wakes up in the morning in a fragmented life; he has no mission. A person wakes up in a unified life; he wakes up on purpose. I was having this conversation earlier this year with Rosteiners at the Mashgiach, and Rosteiners was saying, and you'll forgive me, Rosteiners, if I'm not quoting you 100% correctly, but I think I'm getting it right. We were talking about the capacity to do The capacity to actually be a person in the world that contributes, not just to talk about it, but to show up every single day and to put in the work and to change because of that.

9:05 It's a lost art. But it's not an accident. It's not an accident that grit and resilience are not nearly as popular as they once were. If a person places themselves at the center of the universe, then the second that something becomes uncomfortable, they fall apart. If a person sees the unity of creation and they see the community, I'm part of something larger than myself. That gives them a power. It gives them a kiyach. They're not just coming with their own power. They're coming with the power of the community. I want to say something. This might not be so popular to say, but I'm going to say it anyway. We have a concept here in yeshiva called ending the week together. That concept called ending the week together. This yeshiva I spent a lot of time this week with a lot of parents that came to visit.

10:00 Everyone hears the one line sentence they hear about every yeshiva. This yeshiva is this, this yeshiva is that. Every parent asks the same question. I heard Mevaseret is a big yeshiva. It does not make a difference how many boys are in this yeshiva. You could have 30 boys in this yeshiva. You could have 120 boys in this yeshiva. It wouldn't make a difference. If we live with the consciousness of the oneness of Hashem, we're a unified yeshiva. We could have 120 guys here. If we live with the consciousness of fragmentation, you could have 30 guys in this yeshiva, and it will be a garnish. There will be nothing. And nobody will be connected to each other. 17 years ago was my first year back in Mevaseret as a rebbe. We had 33 Shana Aleph boys in yeshiva. The yeshiva was on the verge of closing.

10:58 It's amazing to think about Rosh Hashanah. Seventeen years we went from 33 to this baruch Hashem. But I want to tell you something about that year. That year saved the yeshiva, and I wish I could tell you it's because the rebbeim did an amazing job. The rebbeim did a good job. The rebbeim always did a good job. Those 33 boys were a family. Those thirty-three boys became mivaseret. And every guy that walked in the door to check out the yeshiva, the guys were running to say hello to them and welcome them to the yeshiva. Because it was their yeshiva and they were a unified group. And you should know that every guy sitting in the room today You're sitting on the shoulders of those guys from seventeen years ago, because if those guys were a fragmented yeshiva, none of us would have been here. But it was an amazing thing. Boys from LA, boys from Boston, boys from New York, boys from New Jersey. They were a family.

11:52 You get bigger and you wonder: Can we still maintain the same consciousness? Can we still maintain the same consciousness of oneness in the yeshiva? The answer is absolutely yes, a resounding yes. But it requires work—not of the rebbeim. It requires work of every single one of you guys. You have to ask yourself: When we say, 'Do we end the week together?' and a guy goes, 'Nah, I'm not down.' You should know that you're drilling a hole in the bottom of the ship. And you're saying what? But it's under my seat. It doesn't make a difference. It does make a difference because every time one of us is not there, we all suffer. Because this yeshiva is built not just on studying in the beis medrash. It's that. Not just in terms of your own personal growth. It's that. But if we're successful as a yeshiva, it won't be seen this year, and it won't be seen in your shul either.

12:44 But ten, fifteen, twenty years later, what role do you play in your community? If you're part of the community, or if you're a leader in the community, it means you had a successful time in mevaseret. Leadership takes many forms. It doesn't mean you need to be the president of your shul. It doesn't mean you need to sit on a board. But there are people that see themselves as part of this consciousness of oneness. They're contributors. If we failed this year, then we're producing consumers. And every time we drill a hole under our seat, we're failing each other. When Kalati puts out And it's always amazing to see when Kalati puts out. We need extra help setting up for this and extra help setting up for that. It's always amazing to me. It's the same guys. It's the same guys, and you could predict ten, twenty years later. You'll see those guys.

13:38 They're special. They do something. I'm going to say names. I'm not going to say names here because I want to embarrass anybody. I'm going to say names, and I'm sure I could say much more. I don't want you to think if I don't say your name, it's because I don't value you. But I want to say a name. I want to say a name specifically here tonight by mishmar. I want to talk about messenger. And you should know, it's not a toilet. I want to say messenger's name for a second. You think like I'm doing it just because he's sitting next to me. I'm not doing it because he's sitting next to me. I want you to know that setting up this room tonight takes work, and he does it every single week. And he messages me every single week, Rebbe. What do you want? How do you want tonight's setup to look? What's going to be the optimal way to do it?

14:18 I bet you there are guys that spend more time in the beis medrash. I know you're a big beis medrash guy. I bet you there are guys that spend more time in the beis medrash. But I promise you, if you gave me a thousand dollars and said, 'Put your money down,' who's going to be a bigger contributor to the Jewish community? The guys in the beis medrash till two o'clock in the morning are Chaya Messenger. I'm putting my thousand dollars down every single day of the week on him. And I don't think there's any Rebbe that would disagree. It's always the same guys in the Chadar Ochel. 20 years from now, you'll see the difference. They live a life of service. They're part of something larger than themselves.

14:49 There's a certain selfishness that if a person learns wrong, they have this selfishness. If a person is focusing on themselves, this is the worst thing that we say. This word needs to be destroyed. This is my year to be selfish. Rabbi Saif, you said those words this year. You need to do tshuva. There's no such thing as this your year to be selfish. I'm being a Jew. A Jew is never a selfish person. Perhaps this is your year to be inwardly focused. Perhaps it's your year to build yourself so that you could become somebody who contributes. But there is not a moment in a Jew's life where he's ever focused achver ach on himself. That's a fragmented life. There's a million people we could turn around. There's always that guy. There's Rebbe. How can I help you? Even small things. Do you know that there was a guy? There was a guy who was here last year. Every morning he brought the Rosh Yeshiva a coffee.

15:39 That was his service. He's a person who thinks beyond himself. Gratitude does a tremendous amount of things, but there's one thing that gratitude does that's ola al gabeiim. It's the biggest thing that Akhar Zatov does. It sensitizes you to the fact that somebody gave you something. That means you do not stand alone. You're not on an island. You're part of a cohesive community. Somebody gave you something, and when you say thank you, you give them something back. Everybody knows. Everybody knows it's legendary. Avram Niren's dedication to this yeshiva is legendary. I want to tell you. I know where it's born from. It's legendary because Avram is a person of akharas atov. And when Avram was in yeshiva, he got so much that he came back to me the next year and he said, 'Rebbe, I have to come back. I have to pay it forward. You're a person of akharas atov.' And we have to be makatov to you for all the work that you do. We have to be makatov to the messengers, to the hazelcoorns, to the Mars. Everybody who's running around in this yeshiva, there's so many guys I can mention. Gabayim, everybody who's here contributing, every one of you, we owe you a tremendous hakaras hatov because you're teaching us that there's a community here.

16:57 A couple of years ago in the beginning of the year. I got up and spoke about saying thank you to your parents. It was the very first day of yeshiva. I told every guy on the very first day of yeshiva that every one of you needs to thank your parents for bringing you here to yeshiva. One boy did it. I'm sure more than one boy did it, but one boy did it. And he came to me not that long afterwards and he asked me to meet. He sat down in the office and burst out crying. Waited for him to calm down. He said, "Rabbi, I said thank you to my parents." I said, 'That seems awesome. I'm not like, what happened? What went wrong?' He said, 'No, nothing went wrong.' I said thank you to my parents, and my mother started crying. And she said to me It's been so long since you said thank you to us.

17:50 I can't believe I hurt my mother that way. The growth oriented guy did phenomenally well in yeshiva. He wasn't a bad person. He wasn't insensitive. He was just missing something very basic. Nothing in this world is coming to us. Nothing in this world is a given. A person has their health. Say thank you. You have parents that love you and sent you to yeshiva. How many guys called their parents today to say thank you? How many guys said, "I'm in yeshiva, mom, dad. I know your mom is killing herself to pay tuition for me to have this unbelievable experience." How many guys call to say, "Say thank you to their parents." When's the last time you said thank you to your parents? And don't think for one second that you can ever say thank you enough. Don't think you could ever say thank you enough. Your parents do more for you than you could possibly know, and you won't know that until you become parents yourself.

18:48 Say thank you every single day to your parents. Say thank you to your roommates. Say thank you to your rebayim. There's a guy in the Tanya Sheer. I shouldn't say his name. There's a couple of guys that do this. There's a guy in the Tanya Sheer in specific. He comes over after every single Sheer to say thank you and to shake my hand. He knows who he is. I would say, but I know it's going to embarrass you. I know you're the type of person that doesn't want me to say. Should I say? I don't think you want me to say. I want you to know that thank you that he gives me every day means a tremendous amount. Your rebbeim are giving leiv and nefesh And a guy comes, doesn't come. A guy thinks himself: if I show up to shear, if I don't show up to shear If it's one o'clock in the morning And your rebbe is preparing shear for the next day Say thank you Say thank you. If you heard an awesome shear from the Rosh Hashanah, say thank you.

19:42 I don't even know when Rabbi Av falls asleep. I don't know when he sleeps. In between saving lives, you could read is an unbelievable thing. You think it's obvious that you're getting that share? You think it's obvious when Rev Steiner sits here till one o'clock in the morning? You think it's obvious that Rev Hershel has to take a walk with you? You think it's obvious all the mesivim in yeshiva that don't get necessarily the same recognition that are mamish putting in levin nefesh? We could go through every single rebbe in this yeshiva. How many of us said thank you? It's a beautiful thing. At the end of the year, so many of the boys write letters to their rebbeim. It's a lost art, the art of writing letters. A person who writes a letter to a rebbe to say thank you, your rebbeim do not need presents. We don't need gifts. We don't want gifts from you. Just recognize that people are giving their blood, sweat. Do you know it's not obvious? It's like eleven o'clock at night. Eleven fifteen at night. Akiva, what time is it?

20:36 Eleven o' four at night. Do you know it's not obvious that your rebbeim are here at eleven o' four? People want to go to sleep. People want to spend time with their families. Rosh Yeshiva, what'd you get here this morning? Seven fifty. Have you left yet? Forty four. Seven forty four. Thirty-two seconds. You think that's obvious? You think it's obvious? You express your hakarasatov. You're changing as a person. You go from a fragmented life to a unified life. It's a gift you give yourself. It's a gift you'll give your future wife. I read a story one time. I don't remember exactly what book it was in. It was the story of a couple that was having major shalom bayis issues. And the husband one day decided, "I'm going to solve the shalom bayis issues." So he went over to his wife. And he said, "I want to thank you for my magic sock drawer."

21:36 She said, "What?" He said, "Yes, I've noticed that in the 20 years we've been married, I have a magic sock drawer. I don't know how it is, but whenever I open it up, there are socks that are there, ready to be folded." This was a couple that was really struggling with shalom bayis. It was out of left field. She never expected a thank you. Later that day, he went over to her and he said, "I want to thank you for this magic dinner." I know it just appears out of nowhere, but I want you to know I know that behind that magic dinner, there's somebody who's making the dinner, and for a month Every day, just finding things to be makir tov And now she's starting to get used to it. She was making a lot back. And he wrote this guy wrote this article and he said gratitude saved my marriage. Because when a person doesn't express akharas tov, they're fragmented.

22:25 When a person expresses akharas tov, they come together. Rabbi says, "I'm giving you homework, And this homework is obligatory. If there's a guy by midnight tonight, I know the screen time thing, but this is a dispensation. This doesn't count as screen time. Is if by midnight tonight, not text, a call A call to your parents. Every single guy after this should be in the chaser after you get your brownies or whatever is for dessert. Every single guy should be in the chaser on the phone with his parents. How long does it take you to say, 'Mom, Dad'? Thank you so much. It changes you as a person. And if you do that, you could go to the beis medrash. If you do that, you could go to the beis medrash. A guy who doesn't sign out for Shabbos, I'm not here to put the sign out for Shabbos thing on the agenda. But I want you to know, when Kolati has to run around chasing, it's a selfish thing. How long does it take to fill out a thing already? It goes no, no, no. I live in my own universe. I don't have to be worried about anybody else. Sign out for Shabbos. Sign in for Shabbos.

23:24 Take care. If there's an opportunity for chesed in this yeshiva, jump. If Messenger needs help setting up for Mishmar, you jump. If they need help in the Chadarucho, you jump. It's a karasatov. It's the recognition I'm part of something larger than myself. It's homework. It's a homework. Every guy should say thank you to his parents. Make a list of the people in your life that you should be grateful for. I finish with this. There's a minig in our yeshiva. It's been in our yeshiva for 17 years. I know it's been in our yeshiva for 17 years and not longer because I brought this minig from America with me to Israel. When I grew up So my family is not a religious family. We're not an Orthodox family. My parents are balei teshuva. They're amazing people. I have tremendous hakar satov that they gave me a yeshiva education that they didn't have.

24:12 But my relatives are not Orthodox. In my family, Chanukah was by us. Pesach was by us. Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashanah, for those that observed Thanksgiving was by my aunt. Thanksgiving was by my aunt. We had to drive out to the tip of Long Island to go to my aunt, and they had a traditional Thanksgiving feast. The whole nine yards. It starts off in the morning with the Thanksgiving Day parade, and then you go play football in the backyard. And my uncle would spend hours carving the turkey, like serious, like the thinnest slices, like he'd be peering through them to make sure. They'd serve on their finest china. I knew that I could eat on the china because the only time they used the china was Thanksgiving, and that was the time that they served kosher food. They specifically got kosher food because we were coming.

24:58 Everything was double wrapped. It was a whole ganza thing. And every single year, we had to get up, and before we ate, every person at the table had to go around and say what they were thankful for. And I'll be honest with you. Growing up, I hated it. It's so awkward to go around this traditional Thanksgiving table. I'm thankful for my grades in school and my parents. It was the most uncomfortable thing. We were all thankful for Fred. Fred was one of the cousins of the family. Adiyomaz, I'm not sure why we were thankful for Fred. He was a great guy, but he was like everyone was thankful for Fred. The year of911 9/11. The year of911 9/11. My uncle Who was it in his house? My uncle was three blocks away from the twin towers. He had crazy trauma. Crazy trauma. He was literally covered in dust.

26:07 And that year He was always the first person to lead us in the thank yous. And he got up and started crying. And he's like I'm so thankful to be alive. And I'm so thankful that our family was safe. You guys, I don't even think we're born. You're the post-9/11 generation, which is crazy for me. But I want you to know what it was like to live in New York in that time. New Yorkers are, we're not the nicest people, but you should know. After 9/11, people were giving out waters in the street. People came together. There were unbelievable acts. And my uncle was literally—he had crazy PTSD—and he was sitting there crying and giving shevach v'hayda to the Rebbeinu Shalom that he was alive and that our family was alive. And the next person, every single person was going around really expressing genuine gratitude. It was the first time in my life that I appreciated our Thanksgiving dinner. I was happy to have turkey. I was happy to have stuffing. It was the first time in my life that I said, 'This is something special.'

27:13 And when I came to yeshiva, when I came to mivaseret, 17 years later, with that group of those 33 shana olaf guys, I said we're having Thanksgiving dinner here in yeshiva. I said chevra for me because I miss it at home. I need us to go around and everybody to say what we're thankful for. And now you might think we went around 200 guys and everybody said one quick thing what you're thankful for. Rabbi said don't sleep on it. I'm not here to get into the debate of Thanksgiving or not Thanksgiving. But a yid expresses hakaras hatov And it's chashuv, and it's important. I regret all the years that I didn't take it seriously. I'm going to do it tonight myself. I'm also going to call again. I'm going to call people in America. I'm also going to say thank you. I'm going to practice what I preach. I have people that I want to say thank you to. It's a special thing to receive that phone call. It's a special thing to make that phone call.

28:06 Thank your parents. They won't always be around to say thank you to. Grab every single moment to live in a state of achdus, because that is the goal of being a yid. The goal of being a yid is to create oneness in the entire universe. We create oneness in the world that reveals Hashem in this world that brings the world to its ultimate fruition. We're called Yehudim because gratitude is the path for us to fulfill the purpose of creation. And a guy who's walking around yeshiva And he's a consumer of the rebbeim. But he's not sensitive to the guy sitting next to him, and he makes a comment at somebody else's expense, and roasts culture, and he puts a person down. You should know. You might learn a tremendous amount of Torah this year, but I have no idea what'll be with you. But if you're a guy who's running to do chesed, and he's running to pick up another Jew, and he's running to express gratitude to his rebbeim, I don't know if you could learn or not. Such a person will, for sure, become a bentire.