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Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
Okay, let's take a look and have it on your Marah Macombos over here. Bereish is 21, chapter 21 verse 16. The passage says, vatelech vatei shevlami neged. Harcheik kimit Chavei Keshes. Yesh'mo is dying in the desert. He's been expelled from the home of Abraham and Sarah. And his mother is sitting... What does minneged mean? From afar. Yeah, she's not close. She's from afar. Yeah. How far away is she? She's about the distance of two bow shots. Which means... It's a very strange language. It's a very strange language. It means that if an archer would shoot a bow, it would travel a bow shot. That's how far away she is. That's pretty far, right? Think about how far an arrow can fly. She's that far away. Okay? K'im Amra, because she said to herself, Al Erebe Mosayelid. I don't want to see this kid die. It's her son. She doesn't want to see him die. So she sits far away. How far away?
Two Bowshots Away, okay? And then it says again, Vateshev mineged, and she's sitting from afar. Vaty says, kolavatef, and she raises her voice and she starts to cry. So it's an interesting thing. If you look at the architecture of this Pasak, it says, first Vateshev la mineged, she sits at a distance, and then it repeats it again towards the end of the Pasak, Vateshev mineged, right? That she's sitting from afar. Yeah, so that's one question. Why does it repeat it? And then there's this very strange phrase Kemetachave Keshas, that she's sitting two bow shots away. This is the only time in the entire Tanach that that is used. That's the only time in the entire Torah that that phrase is used. So it's very strange. In other words, if we were saying this is like a commonly known thing, it's like a mile, so then you would see it repeated.
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This is the only time in all of Tanach that we see this language that she's two bowshots away. So that's another question here. Why, what is the Torah trying to convey to us? Okay. Now let's take a look. Baratius 2120. You girls have that in your Marmakomos? Yeah? Rhesus 2120 says, vayi elo kimazanar vayig davayeshe bamidbar vayi rovakashos yeah? Forpsukim later. What do we find out about Yeshmael? We find out that Hashem was with him and he grew up and he dwelt in the desert and what does he become? An archer. And what does that make you think? A Minute ago, literally, Forbes took him earlier. What did we learn about Hagar? How far away was she from Yeshmael? Two bowshots. And Forbes took him later. What did we learn that Yeshmael becomes? Isn't that strange? Obviously, I don't think you have to be a genius to realize there's a connection between the fact that she's sitting far away from him. How far? Two bowshots away. Forbes took him later. What is his trade? What's his profession?
He becomes an archer. The Torah is trying to highlight for us something in this story that we're meant to look beneath the surface. What is the connection between Hagar Yishmael and archery? Okay, so far so good? Okay. So I want to share with you an amazing, amazing idea. What's the difference between a sword versus a bow and arrow? That's true. There's another difference also. The way that it operates is different. A sword operates through force. You take the sword, you plunge it into another person. How does a bow and arrow work? So a bow and arrow works through the concept called tension. What do you do? You have your bow, you pull it back. How far does an arrow go? Depends how much tension there is. The further back you go, the farther the arrow is going to fly. That's the vision. I want to share with you something that is very relevant to everyone of us in this generation.
Which is, what do we do when we experience the uncomfortable overwhelming tension that exists in our world? Whether that tension is because of something that is happening outside of us or because of something that is not relevant to us. I'm going to talk about the most comfortable, overwhelming tension that exists in our world. Whether that tension is because of something that's happening outside of us or because of something that's happening inside of us, every one of us in our life deals with tension. And there's different ways of relating to tension. Some people are terrified of anything that feels overwhelming.
You know the truth is there is a way that young woman who's sitting in her phone just doom scrolling through tiktok why is she doing that because she's bad? No, it's because there's something uncomfortable and the truth is that it's very easy to numb out and lose yourself to that doom scrolling no you could just sit on twitter and just fly through it's still on insta and fly through it's on tiktok and fly through and guess what if you do that you don't actually have to feel anything because the tension that's overwhelming on the inside I know how to take my medicine My medicine is TikTok, my medicine is drugs, my medicine is alcohol, my medicine is boys, whatever your drug of choice is, but it's a way of dealing with the discomfort that you feel on the inside, or the opposite. Let's say there's tension in a relationship, yeah? What does it look like to have healthy confrontation with somebody that you love?
That's not so obvious, right? There's something tense. What do people like to do? Let's pretend it never happened. Let's sweep it under the rug. I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to be quiet. If I'm just quiet, then there won't be a fight over the temperature in the dorms. Let's just say, right? There won't be a fight over, right? Whatever it is that a person is experiencing in that particular moment. So it's an interesting thing. We could avoid tension in our own personal world. We can also avoid tension in our relationships. Just pretend it's not happening. Of course, what happens eventually? What happens eventually if you're If you're in a relationship and you just always choose not to say something, right? Well, that's a very extreme reaction, hopefully not, right? But eventually it explodes because just because you didn't allow yourself to have the uncomfortable confrontation doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
The pain, the tension still exists. It's just I'm pretending it doesn't. But how long can you pretend? But it's hard. It's hard to lean into the discomfort and have the awkward conversation. As in order to lean into the discomfort of the conversation, what do you have to know? You have to know that you are enough. You have to know that this relationship is capable of holding that tension. You have to know that you're capable of actually having some discomfort in the relationship and things aren't going to fall apart. There has to be basic trust. If you come to the person that you're frustrated with and you just go, I don't understand how you could every single time. So all you're doing is you're pouring out your rage on another person. I'm not actually dealing with the tension. If I believe that I can hold space for my own pain and manage my own pain, show up to another person and gently say to them, I know you probably didn't mean to do this, but I just want to share with you what it was like when you did.
For me, I'm not telling you anything about you, I'm just telling you about me. And so maybe in the future we could be like, gentler or more considerate of each other to make sure that we don't experience this pain. It takes a lot of fortitude to do that. You have to believe that you're not going to fall apart. And people don't do that not because they're bad, people don't do that, and not because they're weak. People don't do that because they don't have enough faith in themselves or in their relationships that they can have the hard conversation. Does that make sense? Yeah? Well, I'm in the relationship, I want to be in the relationship, I just don't know how. It's possible to love someone very much and still to be terrified that if I bring something up It won't actually be heard or listen to or respect it So I might feel uncomfortable and it could be because of the way that I was brought up It could be that in my house we never said things You know again not in my house we said things like in a person's house There's some people that they grow up and it's like it's better not to say anything Sometimes it even sounds from right like leman hashel don't say anything Which is not necessarily the from thing to do Because the Torah tells us that you're not allowed to hate your brother in your heart.
And sometimes that means, the Ramban says, having the uncomfortable conversation so that you don't allow resentment to build up. It's not obvious what's from. Sometimes it's good to be mavat there. Sometimes it's good to say, this is not a big deal, I can let this go. But sometimes it's good to be able to look at an uncomfortable thing and to be able to say, I can handle tension within myself, within my relationships. I'm not going to fall apart because this is uncomfortable. If I was in a relationship with someone who couldn't handle the discomfort of healthy confrontation, then that would be something to talk about in a healthy, confrontational way. I love you so much. I care about you. I want to be able to come to you and share some things that are hard for me. I want to know that you'll be there to listen.
I want to know that they won't be met with defensiveness, and I'll try not to say them in a way that's offensive, right? I'm not even that, would become grist for the mill to be able to work through in a relationship. And it starts, of course, within ourselves, because if I don't know how to handle discomfort within me, then there's no way I'm going to be able to handle discomfort within somebody else, right? And so one of the pieces of work that a person needs to do before they get married is we need to be able to manage our own feelings. And I know that sounds like an obvious thing, but I promise you, it's far from obvious. I remember when I was very young and somebody said to me the hardest thing in the world is to feel your feelings. And I was like, that's absurd. You just feel them. And it's like, wait a second, are you actually feeling them? Because if you're enraged, you're not feeling anger.
Rage is actually the opposite of feeling anger. It's your inability to hold the discomfort of anger and that's why it turns into rage. Or if somebody just doesn't know how to feel anything because emotions feel exceptionally dangerous. So I just shut down the system. And then I tell people, no, I'm just not emotional. You're just not emotional or you're terrified of emotions. Those are not the same thing, right? Emotions come and go. They're messengers. They're uncomfortable sometimes. They come, they say what they need to say, and then they go. And by the way, all emotions are beautiful in the end. And the most uncomfortable emotions are usually the most beautiful emotions. For example, if Chassvashalom we lose somebody that we love, right? So the grief is so profound. I'm heartbroken. This person that I love so much in the world passed away. But isn't that the most beautiful expression of your love?
Isn't heartbreak what happens when you love somebody that's the vulnerability of love? It's heartbreak. The vulnerability of love is that I could not have that love reciprocated, that I could want to marry somebody and they may not want to marry me back. But I'm able to show up to that relationship and be vulnerable and feel those feelings because I'm comfortable with the notion of tension. You understand the concept here? Does it make sense? Okay, let's go back into this for a second. Let's look at Hagar. Let's look at Hagar's life. So let's go back to a story about Hagar, a story that we know. Hagar is an Egyptian princess. Paro wants to consolidate power with Abraham. So he says to his daughter, you're going to be a maidservant in the house of Avramovino, right? And now she's living in the In the House of Avramavino and she's a maidservant.
Now let's take a second and think about this. What's happening? We don't know. The Torah doesn't tell us. But if you were Hagar and you just went from being a princess in the House of Paro to being a maidservant in the House of Avramavino, how would you feel? I would feel uncomfortable. Does that make sense? I would feel like something is very off inside of me. Yeah? I would feel less than. I grew up in the lap of luxury And now, even though Avramovino was a wealthy man, I'm a maidservant. I'm not a princess anymore. That's not a comfortable thing. Now, Sarah can't have children. So Sarah, heroically, courageously, says to Avramovino, I want you to have children. And we need to have children. We need... I'm part of this project. Avram, if you don't have a child, who's going to continue this project of monotheism?
Who's going to continue the project of seeing absolute oneness in the universe? Take my maidservant. Now that's a big deal. And now what happens to that maidservant? What does she become? She becomes the wife of Avram Avinu. That's pretty good, right? And now she gets pregnant. What does the Torah tell us? Happens immediately after she gets pregnant. Before she even gives birth. What happens to Hager? What does Hager start to do? She starts very good. She starts to berate. The Rate to Embarrass Sarayimenu. Now what does that tell you? Let's look at this from a psychological perspective. If you see somebody who now is in a position of power and they start to use that power to shove other people down, what does that tell you? What's going on in their inner world? It's deeply insecure, right? Well that makes sense that Hagar would be deeply insecure because she went from being a princess to a maidservant and now she has a moment.
You can imagine what it was like when she gets to marry Avram Avino from her perspective. Yes! I am no longer a maidservant. What am I? I'm the Queen Mother. And as the Queen Mother, what is Sarah? She's the other Queen Mother. What does that mean she represents? She's a threat. So what does she start to do? She starts to go after her. She starts to push her out of the picture. Yeah? What did you feel last time when she was second wife? And that's very good. I would have said that too except for the fact that what is what is her Taino? What does she say? She says sorry you weren't so great. You weren't a big tzedekes You couldn't get pregnant from our Vramavino. I'm better than you Meaning she would have felt exactly like the second wife, which is why she needs to say what I'm actually the first wife You're the second wife. You just happened to marry him first but if you were such a great tzedekes Hashem would have clearly blessed you with children and What does Abraham do the entire time that Hagar is berating Sarah?
Nothing. And now what happens? Sarah goes back to Avram Avino and she goes, how come you're not speaking up for me? So what does Avram say? Fine. She's all yours. She's back to being a Shefchah. And what does Sarah do? Sarah starts to berate Hagar. Now listen what the Torah tells us. And you have it here in your Marmakomos. Somewhere. I just don't remember exactly where. Yeah? Ah! Beratius chapter 16 verse 6. Vayomer Avram El Sarai And now Abraham says to his wife Sarah, Hinei Shefchasech Biadeich. You see the words? I'm putting this Shefchah in your hands. What did she just get downgraded to? Back to a maid servant. Yeah? Asilah Tov v'inayech. Do what's good in your eyes. Yeah? Vata'ana Sarai, and now what does Sarai do? She starts to afflict her, and here's the key words. And what does Hagar do in that moment? Now it's deeply uncomfortable.
Now tiv rakhmi panal, and she runs away. Now there was an honest conversation that could have been had in this moment. And the honest conversation would have been something like this. If Hagar would have sat down with Sarai and she would have said, listen, this has been really hard for me. I was a princess. My father commanded me. I don't have any choice. If Paro tells you what to do, you gotta do it. That's the way women were treated back then. He told me I've got to go with you to be a maidservant. But honestly, it's been really hard. I've really felt since I've been here the entire time like I'm unworthy. Like it's crazy move to go from being a maidservant to being a shif'ah. And when you told me that I have the opportunity to be a wife of Avram Avino, I want you to know, It finally felt like I was back and when I got pregnant It was so important to me that like now I'm deeply connected to Abram and I want to be honest I saw you as a threat and I was speaking to you inappropriately because I was threatened by you and I'm sorry that I did that But that conversation didn't happen did it?
Well, the only reason somebody wouldn't be sorry is if they don't have the courage to become a curious observer of self and to actually know What's motivating them? But if I knew that I did wrong by somebody, if I knew that I took out my stuff on somebody else, then I would be sorry and I would go and I would have the hard conversation and take radical responsibility for 100% of 50% of this relationship. But she doesn't do that. And now she's downgraded because the power plate didn't work because that's what happens when we operate from fear. It never actually works. And now she's getting her comeuppance. Sarai is treating her, and by the way, inappropriately, the Ramban says that it was a mistake for Sarai to treat her this way. Yeah? But Sarai is treating her inappropriately. Now at this point, rather than have the uncomfortable conversation, what does she do?
She runs away. That's a familiar thing that I bet some of us in this room do. That when somebody is treating us inappropriately, instead of having the hard conversation, we run away. Maybe we go talk to a friend. You ever do that? You ever like sit down with a friend and just bash your roommate? I'm sure nobody ever here did that, but did you ever do that? I'm talking about where you sit down and you're like, it's just so ridiculous the way she shows up in the world. And she just thinks, and then each one of you show all the evidence as to why she's bad and you're good. Isn't that just a way of avoiding having the uncomfortable conversation? Going and saying, I'm sure you don't mean to, but when you just come in and you're on your phone at 2 o'clock in the morning and you're waking people up, I'm sure you don't mean to wake us up. It's hard for us because we're trying to sleep. How come you don't have that conversation?
Can you please tell her to stop because I don't want to say what are you so afraid would happen? It's awkward. It's awkward and what happens in awkward spaces? That's why it's awkward Right because if I would show up with confidence and courage and humility and say to another person Gently because I'm sure you're a good person. I just want to say like you probably don't realize and maybe it's on me I need to get a blackout sheet and put it up on my bed. Also, when the light is on at night, flash light, especially when the light is dark, a little bit of light dispels a lot of darkness so it could be uncomfortable in the room. Is it possible we could work something out? It's an awkward conversation for sure, but I have enough faith in myself to be able to have the conversation.
If I don't have enough faith in you to have the conversation, then I need to have enough faith in myself to have the conversation about the relationship, that there's not enough trust in this relationship to have the conversation. So what do we see about Hagar? Hagar is not a person who knows how to confront uncomfortable situations. That's what we see, yeah? Hagar has nothing wrong with her. She's a pawn in everyone's game. So why would she not? Well, I would say that we should turn that question into an exclamation point. Because Hagar feels like she has nothing going for her, that's why she runs away. In other words, if Hagar had a deeper sense of self-esteem, and I'm not blaming her for not having it, It's hard to be a pawn in your father's political games, but if she had a deeper, richer sense of self, then she would have been able to say, this is partially why it's uncomfortable for me.
I think you're making an excellent point. The reason why she runs away is because that's all she ever is. She doesn't have agency. She doesn't have choice because she doesn't feel like she's worthy of having choice. Savat Tivrak Mipanel. And by the way, husbands and wives do this all the time. And if you don't train yourself now to be okay with awkward, like on a date, awkward Awwkward silence doesn't mean everything is falling apart And actually trying too hard because of the awkwardness is much more likely to make the date fall apart There's nothing wrong with awwkward, awwkward is beautiful Awwkward Is Messy Imperfection Is Beautiful You Understand? What's another situation where haga runs away from conflict It was just an arpussic a second ago Your Son Is Dying Where Is She Sitting I'm Sorry, Haga Where's Hagar sitting? First it says minneged. Then she's two bow shots away and then it says minneged again. Yeah?
Look at Rashi. What does Rashi say? Vateisha v minneged. The second time it says that she sat far away, what does Rashi say? Kivin Shekarav Lammus, now that he's even closer to death, Hoseefa lehissrachik. What does she do? She moves even farther. This is the more discomfort, the more emotionally detached Hagar becomes. This is Hagar 101. Hagar 101 is I don't want to deal with the awkward like my son is dying. I have no idea how to handle that. And of course you don't know how to handle that. Nobody knows how to handle that. But a person has to know how to stay engaged when things are hard. Does that make sense? And we see that Hagar didn't know how to do this. With this in mind, let's ask ourselves an interesting question about Yishmael. If you're the child who grows up in a home with a mother who does not know how to handle uncomfortable moments, doesn't know how to handle tension, right?
That's why she's sitting two bow shots away because she doesn't know how to handle the tension of the bow and arrow that lives inside of her and that lives in these uncomfortable relationships. What do you end up becoming? You become avoidant. Or another way of saying that is an archer. You don't engage directly with a sword. You don't plunge your sword into somebody else. What are you? You're the one who stands far away. And by the way, we do that today. I don't know if you realize that. Today, how do we fight wars? It used to be you had to get up close and personal with somebody to kill them. Now you can stay far away, you have a gun. Now you can stay really far away. You could be in some underground bunker in Las Vegas, yeah? And you have a drone flying over Iran and you're sitting there and it's like flying overhead and you just press the button and then you go clear.
And everybody in that village was dead. There's something crazy about the way that we wage war. It's a crazy psychology but in the world of healthy confrontation you have to look in somebody else's eyes and see what it's like. That's one of the very dangerous things about modern technology. We really have to be super careful with children around technology. Because it used to be that when a kid bullied another kid you had to look him in the eyes. You have to look at that kid and go, you're stupid. And then you would see the kid's eyes well up with tears, right? You're ugly. You would just see the kid like go numb. And then you would say to yourself, oh my God, I just hurt that person, right? But if you can just text it on WhatsApp or send it to a group chat anonymously or post it as a comment anonymously, then you don't actually feel badly about it because you didn't have any of that confrontation.
It's called fighting from afar. That's what Yeshmael is. Yeshmael grows up in a home where he doesn't know how to deal with tension. So he never learns how to deal with tension. It makes sense. He becomes an archer. So Hagar who sits two bow shots away, Forbes took him later. What do we find out about her son? That's exactly what happens. If you don't grow up with a mother who role models for you to be uncomfortable, If you are comfortable, then you never learn how to be uncomfortable. You also don't know how to deal with tension. And this is exactly what Rashi says. Take a look at these rashes, unbelievable rashes. This is Rashi chapter 16 verse 12. Yeah? Cautious? What does it mean in arrow? Al shem ha-umnous? You know what that means? This was his job. You realize what he's saying about Yishmaw?
You know some people they hunt for sport. For Yishmol, being an archer wasn't a sport. What was it? It was his life. It was his job. This one makes him him. And what would he do? Ha'iyo Yoshe Vamidbar He would be sitting in the desert Ummelastim asavrim And he would attack the people that were traveling by him. Husheinemar Yedobachol Bechulu Nexpsakse Lohuiye pera Odom. What does pera Odom mean? You guys know? A? Wild donkey man. Exactly right. He's gonna be a Vildemensch. I have a very good talmud. His name is Vildemensch, a very good friend of mine. He's gonna be a Vildemensch. His name is Wildman. His Vildemensch. That's what I call him. He's an awesome guy. No, not at all. Not at all like that. He's actually very brave. He's a firefighter. A tremendous reflector. He has power. He knows how to walk into a burning building and help people. It's powerful.
He's a v'il'dimench. Yesh'mal is the original v'il'dimench, but in a negative way. He's pera'adim. Yedobakol, his hand is going to be on everybody. Viad kolbo. And the hands of everybody are going to be upon him. V'al pnei kol achav Yishko And before all of his brothers he's gonna dwell And Rashi explains every one of these phrases What does he mean parah adam? First of all, how did the Malach know that he was gonna be a vildim ench? He's gonna be a wild donkey man, yeah? So Rashi explains, O'heiv mid baros, Lotzur chayos He's gonna love the wilderness, cause he's gonna be a hunter So they did in the wilderness, right? In the desert with all the wild animals about and he goes with his bow and arrow, right? Kamoshakosah Vayeshah B'Mebbar V'Yerovakashos Quoting our Pasuk, He was an archer and he dwelt in the desert.
Remember, what did we say back by us? He was an archer and what would he do in the desert? When people were traveling by, what would he do? He'd shoot them. And he'd take their stuff. He was a bandit. He was a robber. He was a murderer. Yeah? And he would do it how? He would do it with his bow and arrow. Yedobachol, what does that mean? Listim. It means his hand is going to be upon everything. Viyad Kolbo and everyone's hand is going to be upon him. HaKol Sononoso Everybody's going to hate Yishmal. Ummis Garimbo and they're going to attack him. And this is exactly what happens to children who don't know how to have healthy confrontation. Remember, all children are playing charades because children don't have language to articulate what's What's going on inside of them? So you see a kid, you ever see this kid in the playground?
Did any of you go to co-ed school growing up? Yeah? So you know that guy who goes over to the girl and pulls out his bite plate and shows the girl, and goes, yeah, the girl's running away, pulls their ponytail. Girl comes home and says, he's bothering me. And what does the mother say? I think he likes you. Yeah? Well then why doesn't he say that? Why does he have to annoy me and make fun of me? It's because sometimes what we do when we don't have language is we act out. So who's Yeshmael? Yeshmael is a kid that he doesn't know how to deal with healthy confrontation, but he wants attachment. And isn't that true that that's what happens with people that don't know how to have healthy confrontation? They don't know how to have the hard conversation, but why are they in so much pain?
Because what do they want? They want connection. They want belonging. They want attachment. But they don't know how to get that connection that it belonging that attachment because they don't know how to have the awkward moment because it's awkward talking for a guy to walk across the room to you in the shoduch room. Yeah, let's put let's let's take the shoduch systemic out of it for a second. Yeah, let's say there's a girl at a I don't know at a Shabbos meal. We'll try to clean this up as much as possible. Yeah, there's a girl at a Shabbos meal. And afterwards, you know, the guys are in one corner and the girls are in another corner and totally inappropriate it should never happen. But let's say such a thing ever happened, yeah? And now the guy is on the corner of the room and let's say the entire time you've been shooting glances at each other, you know that move?
Where like you try not to make eye contact, but you're trying very hard to make eye contact without making eye contact. I see by the faces of a number of people in the room that you're well versed in this art, yeah? But, no way, yeah? You know how hard it is to walk across the room to that girl proverbially that it would never happen to anybody in this room and go, Hey, you want to get a cup of coffee? You know how vulnerable that moment is? Because you could look at him and go, no, and then turn to your friends and go, Did you hear that he just came over and asked me out? Oh my God, kill me. Right? And then like, and that guy's in there going like, oh, right. That's why I was a brick. That was bad, right? It's like, yeah, no.
And that slow walk back across the room, the walk of shame as you're like, get your head held down. What'd she say? She said she's gonna kill herself, you know? No, it's terrible, right? Be nice to that guy. Just say yes. Yeah, you don't know. He's a sweet guy. But the interesting thing is what happens. What happens is that somebody who knows how to make that walk across the room, they know how to have the uncomfortable conversation. But what if you never do? It doesn't mean that you don't find yourself wanting attachment. It just means you find yourself acting out and dealing with people inappropriately and shooting at them from afar. Right. And then what happens when you shoot them from afar and they attack you back and they hate you. And you know what that is? That is a distorted form of attention. Because if I can't get positive attention, at least let me get negative attention because negative attention also feels like attachment.
No. Because at least you're paying attention to me. There's an African proverb, a child who does not feel the village's loving embrace will burn it down to feel its warmth. It's a powerful one, right? Because that's what we want. We want connection. We want attachment. But if you won't give it to me, I'll find a way to get it. And if you hate me, at least you care enough to hate me. And so that's what Yishmal does. All these people are walking by this lonely kid in the desert. It's a lonely thing to be an archer in the desert, right? And you're hunting prey. You can go over to them and be their friend and say, hey, how's it going? Do you need directions? I hunted these animals. You want some? But if you're Yeshmael and you grew up in a home where you had never had a role model who was teaching you what it looks like to actually participate in a relationship and she runs away from every conflict, you don't know how to go over to those people and introduce yourself.
And now we can understand a little bit about why the Malach is so confident that this child is going to grow up to be Per'adam. Because the Malach says you ran away from the confrontation. Sarah is going to be a little bit more confident about the Malach. And he says, you're going to be a little bit more confident about the Malach. from the confrontation, Sarah was, she was afflicting you. You had a moment to be able to turn around to Sarah and go, let's talk this out because obviously there's something going on between us, but you didn't. And when you don't do that, you pass that on to your children. What we often don't realize is we are the products of our home. Now that doesn't mean we have to be. It's not like assured. But what the Malach is saying is, if you don't figure out how to manage this relationship, what do you think your kid is going to see?
And by the way, when Yitzchak was born, what Yisrael tried to do? Tried to kill him because it was uncomfortable for Yisrael because Yisrael said, shoot I have no role in this family now if Yitzchak is born because now Sarah and Avram are back together and she's pregnant And now Yitzchak exists in the world. I have to kill this child As opposed to going over to his dad and saying hey, I'm feeling some sort of way about having a new kid in the family When you have children yourself so you have your oldest and then ba'ez n'sha shammi'el have another one And what you'll do is you're going to bring home the baby and when you bring home the baby you know what else you do? You bring home a present for the older one and you say to the older one she brought this or he brought this for you The new baby brought this for you right and then you sit and have a conversation We're so lucky that you're going to be the big sibling that's going to help us raise a me so lucky to have you. And don't worry, we're right here. And there's even, I don't know if you know, this is children's books that you read to kids who have younger siblings to teach them about how a parent's love is infinite and you're not being replaced. Because little kids feel that way,
because they don't have the language to be able to articulate, this is uncomfortable. Rather, what does Yeshmael do? From afar, he tries to shoot an arrow at his brother and kill him The Ramban says Avram and Sarra were responsible for the fact that they didn't treat Hagar in the appropriate way. They didn't draw her in and understand that. The Medjush says that Avram Avinu even after he threw Yeshmael out of the house, after he tried to kill Yitzchak continued to visit him throughout his life. And so yes, Avram Avinu did repair his relationship with Yeshmael. And ultimately Yeshmael, the Pustic says, buries Avram Avinu because he loves his father. Because his father did teach him how to be in a relationship with him. It was a complicated story. He had a mother who was very detached from him. Remember, Yeshmael was only a pawn in his mother's political game to gain power in the house of Avram.
So it's a very, I hear what you're asking. It's a larger conversation. I just did it with the Shanael, I just did that here with the Shanael girls a couple of minutes ago. But you're right, it's a complex conversation. What was going on in the head of Avram Avinu when he was raising Yeshmael? Not for now, but a great question. No, no, you don't have to apologize. It's a beautiful question. It's just beyond the scope of this particular share, but it's an excellent question. What's our response to this? How does a Yid deal with tension? Because remember, bow and arrow is a powerful weapon. Take a look in the Marah Macombos. Let's see where it is. It is... Viracious... nope. One second. Yeah. Viracious, chapter 48, verse 22. Look what the Pasak says. V'anee nassati lechosh sh'chhem echol a'lach echa, asher lakahti mi'adhe emmori, vecharbi uba kashti.
This is a conversation between Yaakov and Yosef. Yaakov is telling Yosef, I gave you something that I didn't give your brothers. I gave you one more portion than I gave your brothers, yeah? With my sword and my what? And my bow. Remember we spoke about how the sword is that confrontation, immediate confrontation? And the bow is from afar? The Gemara Imba Bhasra says, What does Charbe and Kashihti mean? What power did Yaakov give Yossef? Charbe uzutfilah Kashihti uba kasha. A cher of a sword refers to davening. And what does bakashihti mean? With my bow and arrow, it's bakasha. It's turning to Hashem and asking. What do we do with tension and Judaism? When a person feels tense, when a person feels uncomfortable, you know what we do? We turn to God and we ask. And there's a lot of vulnerability in that, no? Because if you turn to God, bakashti, right, and you ask from Hashem, what might happen?
What might Hashem say? Might say no. Of course, he could say yes. But we turn to Hashem and And we are willing to have the tense, uncomfortable conversation. I want to share with you what this looks like in a very real way. We're almost out of time, so I'll have to move a little bit faster. Imagine you're dating. You really like someone. And you turn to Hashem and you go, I really hope this one works out. That's about kasha, right? Or imagine even something harder. You're not getting so many dates. Tov Tashi Yom Yegon I really don't want to be single. Send someone my way, send someone good, send someone decent, send someone funny, send someone nice, right? It's very vulnerable. There's a lot of tension that you're feeling in that moment. What do you do with your tension? What do you do with that discomfort inside?
I'm in that vulnerable stage of, you know, maybe I'm going to marry this guy, maybe I'm not, and I really want to, but I don't want to admit to myself that I want to because then the moment I admit to myself that I want to, heartbreak becomes possible. Turn to Hashem Ask How does a Yid find serenity in the face of tension? You know what the answer is? Turn to Hashem and ask. There's tfilah. That's bacharbi. That's immediate. Right? That's davening to Hashem. But then there's something even more vulnerable than just turning to Hashem and davening. What's that? Asking. We think we're in touch with our desires. The truth is most of us have no idea what we desire. If you want something, who would stand in the way? And whatever stands in the way, it's just a hurdle. If you want something, no hurdle is too great.
You'll figure out what you need to do it. My father once told me, If somebody is sick in the Jewish community and they need a million dollars to have a surgery, He'll get the million dollars. The money is available. He'll get the money. Get the million dollars. The money is available. You just have to be able to put yourself out there to say I need help. And then we all get together. And we've done this time and again, right? The Jewish community has always been resilient when we wanted to. When you want to, they say, we were done after the Holocaust. You girls know that, right? We were done. There was no hope. Everybody in the world said it's over. Orthodox Judaism, 6 million of them just died. What are you talking about? You're going to rebuild Yeshivas and seminaries and shuls and mikvos and institutions of Chazad.
How in the world are you going to do that? You know, the answer is we wanted to. And because we wanted to, we did. Nothing stands in the way of desire. But desire is vulnerable. Desire comes from tension. I want something, but it's like, what if I don't get it, right? But to be able to turn to God, to let go and let God and give that up to Hashem, that is the single most powerful thing in the world. What's the end of the story? The end of the story is Gracious Chapter 25 verse 9 the Yikberuoso Yitzchak v'Yishmal who buries Avram Avino? Yitzchak and Yishmal what's the order that the Pasak says it in? Which order should it say it in? Why Yishmal and Yitzchak? Because he's older and Rashi takes note of this and what does Rashi say? From here we see that Yishmal did Teshuva.
He allowed Yitzchak to go first. Earlier Yeshmael's claim was, Ani bachar v'notopishna'im. It's amdachar. I'm the older one. And he wanted to kill his brother because he said, you're taking my spot. He didn't know how to deal with the discomfort. But as Yeshmael gets older and he has a father who teaches him that he's worthy of love and connection, and Abram Vinu doesn't stop searching out Yeshmael, and he finds him and he loves him. When he has a mother hagar who does teshuva and she becomes keturah What does it mean to do teshuva? You realize what hagar had to do? Hagar had to walk back into the house of avram avino after she was expelled What Does That Mean? What Did She Learn? What Was Her Teshuva? It's OK to sit on hard things that's right That's a beautiful way of saying it And she did teshuva from that So what does yeshma learn over time?
I can also sit with the discomfort I can allow my brother to go first even though And that's the avodah of Yishmul today. The avodah of Yishmul today is to be able to say that yes, Klal Yisrael has a special place in our relationship with Avraham Avino, a special place in Eretz Yisrael. This belongs to us, but it's uncomfortable. There's a lot of tension, but we have to have hard conversations. And that's not only the avodah of Yisrael, it's also the avodah of Klal Yisrael. Especially right now in these final moments before the coming of Mashiach, there's hard We have to have conversations that we have to have. Who do you vote for? Which party gives nachas to Hashem? They all say they do. We have to be able to sit down and say we have real conversations that we need to have about how we're running this country and how we live side by side. And what does it look like to live with each other? We also have to learn how to turn to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and take our discomfort, bring that bakasha to Hashem, and then to be able to sit at a table with each other. So that brothers can sit together and then bezazash and bring them to Sheach. Girls have beautiful Jams.
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