Lech Lecha - From Soulfulness to Reality

2:17 It said. One second Just make sure I get it. The word 'said' was said five times. And the word "malach" was said four times. So if you're looking over and over again, it says, "It says vayimso malach Hashem." That's a malach And then it says vatomer. Vayomer la malach Hashem, and the malach said to her. Va'yomer laMalach Hashem, and the Malach said there. So you keep hearing this word Va'yomer Malach Hashem over and over again. Any time you see words in the Torah that are being repeated, remember the Torah was written very well. You wouldn't write an English book this way. If you were writing an English book, you're having a conversation. The Malach is talking to Hagar. You wouldn't constantly repeat the words Va'yomer laMalach Hashem because who's obviously talking? The Malach of Hashem is talking to Hagar So the fact that the Torah says it so many times raises the eyebrows of the Chachamim, and the Medrash says an unbelievable thing. Remember, here we're talking about the birth of Yeshmol. We're not talking about the birth of a tzadik. We're talking about the birth of Yeshmol.

3:34 What does the Medrash say? It says how many angels did Hagar meet? How many? Because the Medrash says obviously it wasn't just one angel, since if it was one angel, it wouldn't have repeated it over and over again. I make this point clear because I see not everyone's with me. If I say if I'm having a conversation with a friend and I'm writing it in a book. If Ruven is talking to Shimon So what does it say? And Ruven said to Shimon, and then what? All of the things that Ruven says to Shimon. It doesn't say over and over again. Ruvain said this to Shimon. If it repeats over and over again, what does it mean? It's a new character. So it's a new Malach. The Medrash says this conversation that you think is happening between one Malach and Hagar is actually happening between multiple Malachim and Hagar. And this is what's important. The Medrash says Rav Yosi Bar Chanina said.

4:37 How many malachim are we talking about? Either one of two options, either it's a conversation with four malachim or five malachim. Got it? Four malachim or five malachim. Because if you count it out, it says five times vayomer. Four times it says the word malach. So either it was five different malachim according to the words vayomer, or it's four malachim according to the words malach. So far, so good. So in the beginning, it says. I'm sorry, you're correct. I messed it up. Five times it says the word malach. Four times it says the word vayomer. In the beginning, it says vayimso malach Hashem. Thank you so much for correcting me. Five times it says the word Malch, four times it says the words Vayomer. So it's either four or five. It's technical. It's not really going to make a difference. So far so good. Very interesting. Does that add to our knowledge of the story? Have we walked away? Do we have an idea, something that we tangibly take with us? Not yet.

5:54 Everyone with me? So far so good. What's our first question for the night? The Torah says. Vayomer l'malch, vayomer l'malch, vayomer l'malch. What is it coming to teach us? It wasn't one angel. How many was it? Either four or five. Does that add to our knowledge of the story? Not yet, which means we're missing something. So far, so good. There's another layer to this medrash, and each layer of this medrash needs to be understood. Each layer of this medrash needs to be understood. The medrash continues and says, 'Rav Chia says, there's a big difference between earlier generations and later generations.' Because in earlier generations, like Hagar, how many malachim came to talk to her? Either four or five. But way, way later, all the way in Navi, there's another story and this other story Has only one malach in the story, and we're going to compare these two stories. This is what the Medrash tells us.

6:56 So I'm going to tell you a quick story. The story is about a man whose name was Manoach. And he had a wife. You girls know the story of Manoach and his wife. Anybody hear this story? Have you heard of Shimshon Hagibor? Shimshon Hagibor was, of course, who he defeated? The Palestinians. The original Palestinians. They were oppressing Klal Yisrael, and a malach came to the wife of Manoach. It doesn't say her name. A malach came to the wife of Manoach and said, 'You're going to have a child. He's going to be what's called a nazar. What does a nazar mean? Not allowed to drink wine. Not allowed to cut your hair. So already you need to know about this, even while you're pregnant. Your kid is going to be a nazar.' Manoach comes home. His wife says, 'Guess what? I was visited by someone, by a malach. The malach said, 'We're going to have a child. That child's name is ultimately going to be Shem Shonagibor.' We have to make a manazer right now. Manoach says, 'I need to speak to the Malach directly. I need to speak to this person directly that told you that you're going to have a child and the child is going to be a manazer.'

8:03 The person comes back and he tells Manoach the same exact thing. He has an angelic-looking face, but Manoach doesn't know that he's a Malach. Manoach says, "I want to give you food to eat." " This person says to him, he says. Don't give the food to me. Bring the food as a carbon to Hashem. Manoach brings the food as a carbon to Hashem, and when the fire ascends to Shamayim, this person who now reveals himself to be a Malach ascends with the fire. So that's the story. In the story of Manoach being told that he's having a child, and Manoach and his wife being told they're having a child, how many Malachim came to tell her? Girls, in that story, how many Malachim came to tell her? Only one. In the story of Hagar, how many came to tell her? Either four or five. Either four or five.

8:55 So it's very interesting. The Medrash is comparing these two stories, and the Medrash is saying earlier times were much better. Why? Because four or five malachim came. You see, later when it came to Manoah and his wife, how many people came? Only one malach came. Girls, what's the obvious question on this? Why? Why are we comparing these two? They both happen to be stories about children being born, right? But why does it reflect a lower level generation just because went from level one? Just because went from four or five malachim to one, why is that so bad? Honestly, how many people needed to tell hager? How many malachim needed to tell hager? Really, this whole story. Go back and look at Sarai's story. You're going to have a child, and the child's name is Yisshmael. How many malachim would that have really taken? Really, only would have taken one.

9:42 So why is it so like? Whoa! Like you read us Hadoros. Look how low this generation is. Look how weak this generation is. When someone comes miraculously to tell them that they're having a child, how many angels come? Only one. Sounds very weird. And the Medrash finishes, and it's going to get very Very deep in a second, so stay with me. The Medrash finishes and says, No, you don't understand. Hagar wasn't really that much better than Esas Manoach. But she spent her time living in whose house In the house of Avram Avinu. Listen what the Medrash says. She was used to seeing angels walking around all the time. In the house of Avram Avinu, there were constantly angels. So for Hagar, it wasn't that big a deal that four or five angels came and told her because she was used to angels hanging around. That's the entire Medrash. It's a very strange Medrash. It needs to be unpacked. It needs to be understood. And specifically, I think for us here tonight in Ber Miriam, it bears for us a very, very important message. But in order to do this, we need to do a little Kabbalah first. Could you hang tight with me for a minute while we just do this quick level of Kabbalah? But it requires focus and dedication.

10:59 And I'm a person who draws energy from you girls, so it means I need you girls to be engaged so that I could do it too. Fair. When we have a soul What does that word mean? When the Harry Potter movies came out, girls. Anyone here see Harry Potter? So there's the Dementors, and they suck the soul out of a person, and it's like this white mist comes out of a person. That's kind of the way we think about a soul. What do we think of a soul? We think a soul is like this white spiritual orb that's inside of us. Isn't that the way you think? Maybe it's just me. Is that just is that? It's not just me, right? That's the way people think about a soul. In Judaism, that's not a soul at all. In Judaism, your soul is what makes you into you.

11:47 Which means that a soul has five very specific features: three features that we're conscious of, and as we'll see in a moment, two upper-level features that we're not necessarily conscious of. These are the things that make you. Number one, the lowest level of the soul is called nefesh. What does nefesh mean? Nefesh is officially the word soul, but it's not really what it means. Nefesh means your ability to act in this world. Now it sounds like that should be obvious, doesn't everybody have the ability to act? Is that really true? No. Sometimes you find people that are very smart, but let's say maybe they're suffering from some sort of disability or disorder. That they can't make their hands do what they want their hands to do They can't make their feet do what they want their feet to do. If Chas v'Shalom somebody has a disease like that So what are they lacking in? They might have a tremendous amount of intellect. They might be very deeply emotional, but they can't necessarily bring it into the world of action. What you girls take for granted, your ability right now to open a water bottle and drink from it, your ability to write, your ability to look down and be on your phone, right in the middle of Shira.

13:09 Just trying to get one person back into it, but you missed it. We'll try it again. Your ability to do all of these things is really about what? This is really the part of your soul called nefesh. If you're lacking in nefesh, it means you don't necessarily have the ability to act. Now there are some people that have the ability to act. They're not so good at feeling. What makes you feel? You always think about feeling. It's like, what do you mean? I feel. There's a next level called Ruach. Right here. This is the next level. Ruach. Ruach means emotion. Some people are very bright, but they're not very emotional. But they can act. So what would you say? You would say they have a lot of Nefesh. But maybe Ruach they don't have so much of. Maybe their ability to have Ruach is not so high.

13:59 So far, so good. Clear. I need feedback from you. I don't need to hear it's amazing. I just need to see people's eyes. Nefesh is your ability to act. Ruach is your ability to feel. Act. People who feel. Feel. Nefesh is your ability to act. Ruach is your ability to feel. So what about people that are on autopsies? So that would be an example. Again, I don't want to get into the specific diseases because I don't want to say anything. But just in a general sense, yes, you could have somebody who has one. Or and doesn't necessarily have so much of another, or doesn't have the ability to express the emotion that's deeply inside of them. Do we want about? Do we want a balance of all these different? We want to have a maximum of all of these things, because in a maximum of all of these things, that's your best self.

14:49 So when you're completely capable of acting, when you're completely capable of feeling, the next level is what? The next level is something called neshama. What does neshama mean? We think of neshama again as soul, but what does neshama really mean? Your ability to think. Some people could deeply feel, some people could act, but they're not so connected to their neshama. Neshama, by the way, doesn't mean IQ. Just to be clear, neshama doesn't mean that you're very smart. What does neshama mean? You're very thoughtful. Aware, conscious, right? So you have three parts of you so far that make up your soul. These are the very easy parts to understand. These are the conscious parts of you. These are the things you know about yourself: nefesh, ruach, and neshama. So far, so good. Now let's go to the harder ones. One level above your conscious soul, which is called your supra-conscious soul. It's beyond conscious. It's something called chaya.

15:52 Chaya officially means life, but it means a little bit more than that. It could mean animal in the sense that a chaya comes. Basically, what they are is just pure, unadulterated life. That's what an animal is. It's just life. It's not conscious thought. It's not feeling in that classic conscious way. Right. Very good. Excellent. Excellent. Chaya is deeply related to that. But for our purposes, even though I wrote the word life here, chaya actually, for our purposes, means desire. And it really goes hand in hand if you think about it. Because what does it mean to be really alive? Or maybe we'll do it the opposite way. It might be easier to understand. What does it mean to be like a walking dead person? You don't care about anything. You don't have any feeling. But we're not talking about feeling. When we say desire, thank you for saying that because it gives me the opportunity to clarify. We're not talking about feeling because you could feel But still have no desire. Somebody who has no desire, desires come before feelings. Like a feeling would be like anger. But desire would be the thing that's driving that anger. I wanted it to be this way and it wasn't. So the emotion is anger, but the desire is the essence of the way you wanted it to be.

17:12 Life itself is a desire. I can prove it to you. Can we do something deep for a second? Who can I pick on? I'll pick on you. You're gonna have a job when you get older. Probably. Play along. You gonna have a job? Yeah. Why do you want to have a job? Good. Why do you want to have money? Good. So you could provide for your family. And why do you want to have a family? Right Because it's your desire. There are different levels of things. There are things that I want. But then there's always the thing that comes before that. Let's say we take family out for a second. Let's say I said I want to get a job because I want money. So do I want a job or do I want money? Want money. Let's say I said I want money because I want to pay the mortgage. So do you want money or do you want to have a house?

18:09 Because if I had somebody buy me a house, would I have a job? I wouldn't necessarily have a job because that you're getting to a good point. Hold off on that for a second. Hold that idea. If the only reason. I promise that it'll work out. If the only reason that I have a job is in order to make money, and the only reason that I have money is in order to have a house, then I don't really care about the job, and I don't really care about the money. I just want to have a house. Why do I want to have a house? So I can live. Because if I'm outside of my house and it starts to rain, or it starts to become a hurricane or a tornado, what's going to happen to me? You're homeless. I'm going to die. And why do I want to live? What's the answer to that question? That's no. I want to put one second. I want to push back very heavily on that.

18:59 I want to push back very heavily on that. You're not wrong, but we're not even close to up to that. I'll tell you why. Because life itself desires to be alive for no other reason. This is a very important thing. If somebody says, "Why do you want to live?" you don't have an answer for that question. True desires, you can't say why. Like a true desire, you said before, is I want to have a family. If I ask you why you want to have a family, you can't answer why. If I say I love my wife, and someone goes why, and I say because she's a good baker, do I love my wife or do I love food? If I say I love my wife because she's a good mother, do I love my wife or do I love my kids? It's not a trick question. If you love someone for no reason.

19:51 One second. Take a second and digest. I love my mother because she's a good mother. So what does that mean? She's a good mother. If she would stop being a good mother, would you love her less? Probably. I hope not. One second. I have so much respect for everybody here because Baruch Hashem, it's late at night already. It's 7:29. You guys have been putting in a good full day. I see the ADHD is very high. My ADHD has to be at least as high as yours to keep you engaged. My only questions are, my only favors are: number one, I hate when people have phones out in front of me. It feels disrespectful. Number two, relax. It's gonna be okay. We're gonna get to all your questions. It's fine. It's gonna be okay. So let's try this again. If let's say Chassav Shalom, your mother is 90 years old, and now let's say she's kind of just sitting there, and she can't really be a good mother. Do you love your mother at 90 years old? Even if she's not.

20:47 Being your mother at that point, you love her for no reason because true love is beyond reason. Beyond reason, true love is unconditional. It can't be explained. That is desire. That is life itself. I can't tell you why I love my kids. I just do. I can't tell you why I love my wife. I just do. I can't tell you why I want to live. I just know that I want to live. That's because you have a part of your soul that is life itself. And life itself desires. Girls, what is davening? If you think about one aspect of davening, what is davening really? It's talking to God about what. But is it what I want selfishly, or is it what I desire? Is it tapping into the core of who I am? Do you hear the difference? It's not give me this and give me that.

21:40 I don't agree with that on any level at all. I think that's one of the worst things we could possibly teach someone because we shouldn't. What do you consider being selfish? Give it to me for my sake. That's called selfish. As opposed to, I desire it deeply. Not sure if that's the best way to put it, but what I truly desire, what is aligned with my life itself, because life always wants to give and not be selfish. If I want, for example, if I say I really want to have energy so that I can come to Bar Mitzvah late at night and contend with the ADHD. That's not selfish. That's give me the tools that I deeply desire, so that I can have a life. Because a moment ago, wasn't it you that said, "One second, so you're just gonna be a bum all day" Because you don't want to be a bum all day.

22:34 So what do you want to do? You want to give. A bum is someone that's selfish. To live means I want to give my life. I want to share my life with others. That's the nature of life itself. So desire, by its definition, cannot be selfish. And any Rebbe that says Davening in a selfish way, he's missing the essence of davening. So selfish persons, when you ask for something materialistic, as opposed to something that helps you grow. I don't mind people who ask for materialistic things, as long as they ask for materialistic things in order that they could do something with it to make the world a more godly place. It's nothing wrong with davening. Live because you want to show God everything you're bringing. But the reason I pushed back strongly on that is because if you only live And you say, well, why do you want to live in order to do this? That's true that your soul naturally wants to serve God.

23:27 But that's not until this level called Yichida, which is why I want you to hold off. I'm not disagreeing with you on the level of the complete soul. I'm just disagreeing with you on the level of Chaya. Chaya for itself just wants to live And it only wants to live because of this thing called Yichida. But we're not up to there yet. Correct. So davening. You should absolutely daven for a house. How would it make the world more Godly? Aren't you going to raise a beautiful Jewish family in that house? Isn't that house going to be full of light and love and warmth? Isn't it going to be an inviting place? Me and my family, no one else. I just said, isn't it going to be an inviting place? Isn't it going to be a place that's makadoshem Shamayim in this world? Is your home not going to be a home of Chesed and Torah? I imagine it will be in space. We ask for. Right So I don't think we ask for a big house. I think we ask, 'Give me the house that I need in order to serve you.'

24:23 I don't think we ask Hashem just for ostentatious things. I don't think that's the appropriate way of davening. I need a car to get somewhere. I daven to Hashem for a car. Unless there's going to be a specific way that I'm going to serve Hashem with a Porsche, I'm not davening for a Porsche. Now it happens to be I know somebody who's serving Hashem with very fancy cars. What he does is he has very fancy cars, and he specifically takes those cars and he drives around kids with cancer to go to get their chemotherapy. In New York. In New York, the Batman car? That's our uncle. Your Aryes? Wait, Batman car, the Batmobile. The last name Arye. The last name is Arye. My brother-in-law's last name is Arye. He pulls up. Wait, the Batmobile in Five Towns? The Batmobile in the Five Towns. The reason why he does that is because he wants to use it for Chesed. What does he do? He takes, for example, one of the things that he'll do is take kids who are sick for rides and take them to chemo.

25:19 So he just drives. Not Stami. It's not just driving around in a Batmobile. And again, there are people that I know that when they build houses, the way that they build, even very beautiful houses, is they build like guest houses and they want to make sure that their homes are centered around Torah and they have a very beautiful dining room table and it's inviting for guests. There's nothing wrong with davening for a big house. If you're davening for a big house that I could fill it up with more Torah, with more life, with more invitations. What if you said you can't down for ostentation things unless you're going to use them in a good way. What about if you start downing for something? You're like, I want a big house. I'm going to fill it with guests, and then you get the big house. You don't fill it with guests. You had such a tremendous opportunity to be a person who changed the world. Inviting somebody to your house and opening up your home to them could change their lives. Chaval, that you missed an opportunity. What's that, girls? We have very few minutes left, and I really want to get to this point. It's a super important point. Let's see if we can move on just for a second.

26:13 Last but not least, this is what you mentioned before. Did you get to be here for it? This is the highest level of your soul. This is the part that's unified with Hashem. And because it's unified with Hashem, what else is it unified with? Our souls. Think. If my soul is unified, if it's one with Hashem, what else is my soul unified with? Torah and every other member of Klal Yisrael. This is the place. This soul got what you needed. This soul is the level of oneness with Hashem, the level of oneness with every other Jew, the level of oneness with Torah. If you follow now, if you understand the soul If you understand the soul, you now understand something pretty deep. The soul is not just this white orb. What is it really? It's you. It's your capacity to act. It's your capacity to feel. It's your capacity to think. It's your desire to live.

27:18 It's your unification with Hashem and every other Jew and the Torah itself. Because I don't necessarily think about my desires. My desires are way before my thoughts. My desires impact my thoughts. In fact, I start thinking about the things that I desire. If you truly desire them, remember what you desire comes way before reason. So desire comes before reason. Reason comes before emotion. Emotion comes before action. But that all comes from this point called yichida, which is my unification with Hashem, the point of me that's essentially connected to Hashem. So one way of thinking about the soul is as follows: Yichida is unity; it's the unification. Yachad, together, the unification with Hashem. If you think about the soul, there's two ways of thinking about it. I said five levels of the soul, but really, in between these five levels, what are there? If you think about it, any time you think about this hand, there's five fingers, but what is there really also?

28:20 There are four air spaces in my hand, right? So when you think about the soul, what number should you apply to it? Five or four? Five. Four. And four. Nine. Five and four. Five elements of the soul, but four spaces. One, two, three, four. Now let's go back to our medrash. What did the medrash say? The Medrash said And this is a super important point. The Medrash said that when Hagar ran away How many malachim came to tell her Go back, you're going to have a child. Either four or five. Remember, we didn't know exactly how to count it. Either it was five malachim because it says malach five times, or it was four malachim because it says va'yomer. Va'yomer isn't Malach, right? Va'yomer is like Va'yomer la'Amalach, right? The Malach said to her. So the Va'yomer is the spaces in between. And the Malach is what, girls? The Malach is the five dimensions of the soul.

29:34 Later on, all those years later, just leave it. We didn't succeed last week. We're not going to succeed this week. Girls. Remember, we asked the question. Why does it matter that Manoah only had one malach and Hagar had five? And then the Medrash said, 'Well, it doesn't necessarily mean she was greater. It's just that there were a lot of malachim hanging around Avraham Avinu's house.' What does any of that mean? There's something called a soulful life. A soulful life means you're dialed up on all five of these qualities. You want to know what it means to be a soulful person? Soulful people are connected to Hashem and connected to every other member of Chal Yisrael. They're deeply desirous and on fire with passion. They're thoughtful. They're not just smart. They're thoughtful. They think before they act, and they don't just do random things, right? They're emotional.

30:34 Emotional people. We don't want to, because you, it's like hard sometimes when girls get married to guys. They're like. He just doesn't like feel anything, right? Because you want someone who what? You want someone who's dialed up on his soulfulness. So you want people not who lose themselves to their emotions, but you want people that are deeply emotional. And of course, like you said, nobody wants to marry a bum who sits and does nothing all day. You want people who live, who actually bring it into action. You ever meet people like this that are on fire in all five dimensions? Then when they meet another Jew, they go crazy. They're like, "Oh, it's awesome to see you. Come on in." Come to my house. They feel deeply connected even before anything. And they're so alive, and they're thoughtful, and they're emotional, and they bring it into action. When you meet people like that, you're inspired because they're soulful people. This is what it means to be a tzaddik. What does it mean that Avram Avinu had malachim running around his house? It means, what's a malach, girls? What do we say? How many malachim?

31:27 Five or four? What is it talking about? Avram Avinu was the ultimate soulful person. Remember last week we spoke about Noach, not necessarily capable of inspiring people because he didn't necessarily tell them that he cared about them. What does it mean to be Avram Avinu? I care about everybody in the entire world because I'm so connected to everybody in the world because I'm connected to Hashem Himself. Avram Avinu was inspiring because Malachim were running around the place. There is a common denominator in this Medrash. The common denominator is bringing a child into the world. Hagar had how many malachim tell her that a malach that Yisshmael is coming? Either four or five. The point is, it was all about the soul. Manoach only had one. Girls, there's an amazing secret. It's the secret of bring things into reality, of bring children into reality. It's the secret of being a parent.

32:23 Where do we parent from? How do we bring things into reality? Where does it come from? From the inside out. We're not just here to be human doings. We're here to be human beings. I'm going to share with you. This is my frustration, my personal frustration. Nothing to do with you. These devices. What do they kill? They kill our soulfulness. You ever go to the dorms? I'm sure it doesn't happen here in Birmingham, but you ever go to the dorms and walk into a room and there's four girls sitting in the dorms and nobody's talking to each other. They're just on their phones. It used to be when you went on a class trip, the best part of the trip was the bus. Today, when you go on a tour, what happens? Every guy plugs into his headphones. He gets these giant headphones on. Every guy's tuned out. The bus could be silent.

33:15 It's a terrible terminology, but that terminology NPC. What happens? You spend too much time on your phone. You spend too much time disengaged from reality. What do you become in life? A non-playable character. You want to bring something into reality. What do you have to be? Soulful. Soulful is alive. Soulful is alive. This is an unbelievable concept. How do you parent? Do you parent just like I got to get this over with? If you're attuned to your child's needs, where do you parent from? From the place of your soul. Kids are going through things all the time. Which parents notice and which parents don't? If you're attuned to your own soul, then you're going to be attuned to theirs, and then you'll be involved because you're attuned. Some parents, it's happening right under their noses and they don't notice. Why? Because they're disengaged from life. This medrash is an unbelievable medrash. This is the medrash of bringing children into the world. Where do we bring children into the world from? We get a message. You're having a child. Where does it come from? From your soul. Why was Manoach's wife? Why is it considered lower? Even though Shimshon Agibar was much better than Yishmael She only had one malach.

34:27 You know what that means, girls? It wasn't as soulful. And that's exactly what we need to work on. If we're going to be great parents, we need to spend this time in Israel right now, developing our soulfulness, developing our relationship with Hashem, developing our relationship with every other member of Klal Yisrael. Developing our desires, thinking about how we think about the world, feeling appropriately, ultimately bringing them to action. This is the preparation. You become a soulful person, and then you get to build a soulful life. Girls have a beautiful Shabbos.