Tu B'Av/ Shabbos Nachamu: Moving beyond the pain

2:39 So that was the beginning of Tu B'Shevat. But Tu B'Av, I didn't—I'll be honest with you. Growing up, I didn't even know there was such a thing as Tu B'Av. I don't know how many people here Mestama, I mean you guys, Mestama, know what Tu B'Av is. But it is a very overlooked yom tov, especially in light of the fact that the Gemara in Tainus. Brings from Rav Shimon Amliel that there were no greater Yamim Tovim in the Jewish calendar than Yom Kippur and Tu B'av. A very strange thing for Rav Amliel to say: no greater Yamtov than Tu B'av. How many people even know what Tu B'av is? So I want to try to speak out. Maybe the deeper in Yomim. We always tried this summer to speak about penimius ha'teira, to go to the depths of something, to get to its essence, to say what it really is, and not just to have a surface understanding.

3:36 To try a little bit in our way As we finish the summer, let's get to the essence of what Tuba is. There were several things that happened on Tuba. First, we'll go through a little bit of the history. Because it's important to understand what happened on the chitzoni level in order to understand the penimius. However, you all know that in the Midbar, when Klal Yisrael was leaving So the Chaytah Meraglim that generation There was Xzar Misa on them. But what you might not know is that every year on Tishah B'av, they would dig their own graves. And they would all go to sleep in those graves. And every year Fifteen thousand people would die. And the rest would wake up And they would go on. Every single year in the midbar, that's one of the things that would happen on Tishav. And finally, in the last year of the midbar So that last fifteen thousand people that were supposed to die, it came the night of Tishav.

4:46 They dug themselves their graves. Can you imagine, Chaver, digging your own grave? The truth of the matter is. It shouldn't be so hard for us to think about because in the Holocaust, Yidden had to do that. But again, Baruch Hashem, for us, these are things that they don't come up in our head. We don't think about these things, which is an amazing thing. But they dug their own graves. And Tishbev came and went, and nobody died. But they knew there was a xar misa against them, so they figured it must not be Tishbev. Maybe they miscalculated. So the next night, they went to sleep in these graves again. And again, they didn't die, so they figured maybe we made a miscalculation. Until finally, it came Tuvav And the moon was full, so they knew that it was for sure not Tishavav anymore. And so they realized that the Xaydin was over, and that the very last remnant was going to be saved.

5:39 That's and Chaver, just do me a favor while you're hearing about the story, keep in mind the details because when we go to Penimius, when we go to the essence, we're going to see that there's something unbelievable going on here. So that was one amazing thing that happened on Tu B'av. Another wonderful thing that happened on Tu B'av is that the tribes in Eretz Yisrael were finally allowed to marry each other. Because of the benos slavchad, that portions of Eretz Yisrael were given to women. So we were very careful. We didn't want that the portions of Eretz Yisrael should get confused. Other tribes should get more than their fair share because they married into another tribe. There was a xayra that originally, when Eretz Yisrael was given to Klal Yisrael, there was a xayra that they shouldn't intermarry amongst the tribes. And on Tu B'av, that was over, and so they were once again allowed to intermarry.

6:35 And that happened on Tu B'av. Another wonderful thing that happened on Tu B'av is we know, without getting into the details right now, but we know that there was a ma'isa called Pilagish BeGivah. And because of that, Maysa So Shevet Binyamin was not allowed to marry into Klal Yisrael, and that Gzeira was once again over on Tishbev, and Shevet Binyamin was welcomed back into Klal Yisrael, and they were once again allowed to intermarry. Another great thing that happened on Tuba'v is Hosea ben Ela opened up the roads to Yerushalayim. The story there, as we know, after Shlomo Hamelach died. Eretz Yisrael was split into two—the north and the south—and the north was divided from the south. And Yeravam ben Nevat put guards up on the path to go towards Yerushalayim, that they shouldn't let anybody from the north travel to Beis Hamikdash to be Eilu Regel.

7:34 And so Yidden were unable. Could you imagine living in the times of the Beis Hamikdash and not being able to go visit the Beis Hamikdash until Hosea ben Ele? Finally removed, he was the last king of the north. Hosea ben Ela came along, and he removed those guards. And Yidden were once again allowed to come back to the Beit Hamikdash. Of course Another thing that happened that's much more well known, because we have a bracha in benching that comes from this event Was we know that in the Bar Kochba rebellion Everybody knows that Bar Kochba, Rav Kiva thought that he was Mashiach, the very last city. That Bar Kokhba had was a city called Beit Har And we know that there was a slaughter in Beit Har Where they came, the Romans came, and they slaughtered everybody in Beit Har. And the Romans had such disdain Such incredible disdain for the Yidden That they wouldn't even bury the bodies. They wouldn't let them come and bury the bodies. Everybody assumed that the bodies were rotting.

8:36 When they were finally allowed back to bury the bodies, a nase had occurred. None of the bodies had rotted in any way. And that's the bracha that we have in benching. It discusses the nase of Beitir, and we were finally allowed back. That was the day of Tu B'av. Another famous thing that happened on Tu B'av and Hever, we're going to discuss each and every one of these things. Another famous thing that happened on Tu B'av is that it was called the day of the breaking of the axes. Because they would take axes and chop down wood. But Tu B'Av was considered the last day of chopping down dry wood So they would chop down all the dry wood. After Tu B'Av, it was already starting to get a little wet, and the wet wood was not good. So after they finished chopping down all the wood, they would have a day where they would destroy. That day was Tu B'Av. They would destroy all the axes that they used to chop down the trees.

9:33 And finally, and lastly Tu B'Av is most well known. For a very interesting ceremony that would happen in the vineyards in Shiloh Where the women would come out and they would be dressed in white. Young, unwed girls. They would stand in a circle. And they would call out to the men who would come to visit them. The men would come to see who would be their wife. And so they would call out "If we're beautiful." If you find us beautiful, marry us for our beauty. But if you don't find us beautiful So marry us because of the yichus, because of the family that we come from. And if you don't find us beautiful And you don't think that we come from a good family, marry us anyway and adorn us with jewelry. And that's the way people would make shidduchim, which again to us sounds like a very strange type of scenario. We'll have to discuss in depth what these things actually mean.

10:35 But this is the great yomtiv of Tuba. The great yomtiv of Tuba is, of course, a celebration of all of these things. Chevr, I have a question. I think most of you have the question. As I'm looking on your face Yom Kippur, we understand. Yom Kippur, we understand that day of atonement A day of coming and saying all of the averas that I've done the entire year are getting wiped out. We understand why that is an amazing yomtiv. The chevr, all of these things are wonderful. But this is the greatest day in the Jewish calendar, equivalent to Yom Kippur. However, does that make sense? Does it make sense? You want to tell me about Chanukah? I understand Chanukah is an amazing thing. You want to tell me about Purim? Pesach, Shavuos? Tu B'av does not sound like an unbelievable yont. However, in order to understand this Like we've been doing all summer, we have to go to the essence of the thing.

11:32 Chaver, open up your hearts because I want you to listen very, very carefully tonight. We know that the Gemara tells us that a baskal comes out forty days before a child is born. A baskal comes out and says, "This neshama is going to marry this neshama." This boy is going to marry this girl. This girl is going to marry this boy. The shaila is What's the purpose of such a basko? Why is it that we need to have a basko that comes out that says this guy is going to marry this girl? Chaver, open your hearts Because we look at relationships the wrong way. We think that in a relationship you're building a relationship with a girl that you met And that's not true. You're building a relationship with a girl that you found. What's the difference? When you find someone It's because you once lost them.

12:43 When you meet someone, you met them. But when you find someone, it's because you once had them and then you lost them and now you're coming back to them. So marriage in Yiddishkeit means really the reunification of the soul, not the unification of the soul. The reunification of the soul, which means to say that it used to be that in Shamayim your soul was really at one with your wife's soul. Your soul was really at one with your wife's soul. The soul was split in half and put into the world, and now your job is to find each other, much like Adam and Chava when they were first created. Originally, Adam and Chava were one. Then, Hakadosh Baruch Hu split them and said, 'Vahayu lebaster echad.' Why is this important? This is important because it means that the relationship between a husband and a wife Though it appears to be two random people, it is actually an essential relationship.

13:51 Finding your wife or a wife finding her husband is actually the reunification of the soul. So when we talk about the concept of bashert What we mean is that this soul has found its counterpoint in another. That's the isog, which is why sometimes Doesn't always work this way. But sometimes when you meet someone who's very special. You know right away this is the girl that I'm going to marry. You know right away And I'm telling you, Chaver, I've been dealing with guys like Kanai Harer for many years who are dating And it's an unbelievable thing. They come and say, 'Rabbi, I met the one. She's the one.' How do you know? I don't know how I know. That is your soul telling you. We know her. We found her. That's why the lashonis in Kedushin, the Gemara in Kedushin talks about that the husband's job is to find his wife.

14:51 Why? Because it's taka emitzian. Everyone always asks that question. It's a great question. That's why I asked you to wait just a second because I knew that was the question you're going to ask. It's an amazing question. I can't deal with it right now, but I have a sheir online that deals exactly with that issue. An entire sheir just on that. What is the nature of divorce, and what is the nature? What do the Chazal say that the zivug hagun is often the zivug sheni? What do these things mean? It's a great question. I just can't deal with it right now, but it's a great question. I feel like it doesn't make sense. God wants us to find the other half of what we're doing. It's a great question. That's exactly like asking, "Why would God create us in the first place if what He wants is for us to come back to Him?" So the answer to that question I believe Is there a difference between an answer and truth?

15:45 What's the difference between truth and an answer? The difference is the question. The word question comes from a Russian of quest. So there's value in being that Don Quixote character and going on this crazy quest away from Hakadosh Baruch Hu in order to discover not the truth, but an answer. Which is why Eilim Habah is not just true; it's also the answer to a question. A relationship where you found your wife, where you searched and found her, is of course going to be that much more meaningful. R' Shimon Shkop, in his introduction to Shari Yoshar, talks about the difference between it being a soul who's receiving from God, so to speak, and a soul that's a mayan. That's a wellspring that comes up from itself. The journey of the soul on this earth is to become a mayan, to become a source of chiyus in its own right, and in that way to become very gav.

16:43 Shaya, last question: Why are there people that never get married? Of course. Some people are not, and again, not blaming. There is so many different scenarios. Everybody is their own unique peckle. Chas v'shal, I am not judging anybody. But some people are not searching. Some people are not searching. Some people are incredibly picky, and though they met somebody that could have very well been the one, they found they dated like I used to say. You can't date like a lamdan. A lamdan is like you know. But maybe this will happen. Maybe that will happen. Life will certainly happen. A chaver of mine just got married. He's in his forties already. Much older. For the first time, he's got married. Big simcha. He dated this girl six years ago. Six years ago, he dated this exact girl, the one that he ultimately got married to. Then I don't know, and he was already in his thirties. Eppes.

17:36 Now he's in his forties. I guess he said. I think they're happily married. Victor Miller speaks at length about a person being too picky. Being so picky for married, settle down, build a life with someone. There's a difference between marrying the one and marrying a one who you turn into one. Because the goal of marriage is to become intimate, to become one with somebody. So the idea is not, 'Is she the one?' I don't know. How do you know? Is she the one? It's a ridiculous question. But can you become one with her? That's a good question. You understand? So when Hakadosh Baruch Hu sends out that baska, what he's telling you is there is a soul out there that you can become one with. Nachaver, listen very carefully. Because when I saw this var, I was mamish flying Mamish flying. Chaver, you know what's going to happen forty days from tonight?

18:33 Forty days from tonight is the creation of the world. The twenty-fifth of Elul was when the world was created. So in penimius atayra, tuba Av represents So to speak, the day that the Bas Kol came out and said, 'Now the Neshama is going to have a relationship with our Kaddish Baruch Hu.' Forty days before it. So really, in the depth of tubah, and we'll see how this plays out in all of these scenarios that we spoke about. The depth of tubah is the following: the Rebbeinu Shalom is saying to the world It's me and it's you. That's what it is. We're getting married for no reason. When you get married for a reason, the marriage can fall apart if the reason ceases to be. You marry somebody because she's beautiful. I don't know if she's always going to be beautiful. And let's say Chassv Shalom, she wouldn't be.

19:33 Let's say Chassv Shalom Something horrific happened to her. Oil spilled all over her. She has third-degree burns all over her face. Is she not your wife anymore? Is that cause for divorce? Chassv Shalom. If a person gets sick and they're no longer capable of being the same person that they always were, is that grounds for divorce? In a healthy marriage, we become closer. Is that you hear these meisim? Again, today there's so much tragedy. You hear these meisim of people who are mamish with their spouses till the very end. They're so They become so one with somebody that they, Adraba, through all the sickness and through all the suffering and the trials and tribulations, it mamish brings them closer together. Why? Because they're not married for a reason. They're married for no reason. When you're married for no reason, that's amazing. It means nothing can get in the way of your marriage.

20:35 I always bring this example. My grandmother My grandmother's my hero. For those that have been with me for a couple years, my grandmother's marriage, my hero. My grandmother became a balas tshuva at seventy years old. It means to become a balas tshuva at seventy years old. My grandmother, this tishbev She's almost ninety. This Tishah B'Av, my mother called. I was resting. My wife picked up the phone. She said, "I need you to wake up your husband." This is what my mother was saying to my wife, because my mother, meaning my grandmother, was not eating on Tishah B'Av. She wouldn't eat. So my mother's like, 'Please wake Mordechai up so that he could call his grandmother and pass on that she should eat.' So my wife, a good rabbi, son said, "I don't need to wake up." I don't need to wake up my husband. I will call grandma and tell her to eat. My wife called my grandmother and she had to convince her to eat.

21:26 On Tishmah, do you understand what that means? It's not a woman who kept Shabbos her whole life. It's not a woman who kept Kosher her whole life. My grandmother dresses Sanuah. It's an unbelievable person. But one of the most inspiring things about my grandmother? My grandfather passed away when I was five years old. It's a long time ago already. My grandmother would; she doesn't even have a half. She never had a half a minute of getting remarried. She never had a half a minute. Thirty plus years, she never had a half a minute of getting remarried. So I used to ask her, Grandma Aren't you lonely? This is what older people do, if they lose a spouse, go find somebody you could spend the rest of your life with. You could still have thirty plus years, which is a long time. And Mez Hashemah, one hundred and twenty six, she's got plenty of time left.

22:14 My grandmother always says to me I am married. Your grandfather's not around, but I am married. It's an unbelievable thing, Chaver. When you have a relationship that's so strong that death can't get in the way of the relationship, that's a good relationship. That's what the Rebbeinu Shalom is telling us. He's saying it's me and you for no reason. Our bond is essential because you come from me. The relationship of a soul to Hakadosh Baruch Hu is the same relationship as the ray of a sun to the sun. Just like you can't have the sun without its rays, and the rays can't exist without the sun, so too Hakadosh Baruch Hu is the soul of all of our souls. That's the relationship. This is what's happening tonight, Chavra. Chavra, in time it's a spiral. Tonight in time is before the creation of the world. It's the moment when Hakadosh Baruch Hu said the relationship between me and the world is unbreakable.

23:10 That's really what Tu B'av is. And now, Chaver, we can begin to understand in a very panemius-oriented way all of those things that we spoke about. Let's start with the last thing. That funny story with the shidduchim. First of all, now we understand why Tu B'av is a day of shidduchim, because just like there was a bechina of marriage between Hakadosh Baruch Hu and the world. So to today, Tuba of tonight, this is the zman where there should be shidduchim. But let's go deeper. Chaver, what were those women saying? First of all, they came dressed in white. They were at the vineyards and they were in Shiloh. And this is what they were saying. We're going to go through all of those nakudos. They were saying, 'Marry me for my beauty,' which is strange because we don't marry people for their beauty. "Marry me for my yichlus," which is strange because we don't marry people for their families. And even if I'm ugly, and even if I don't come from a good family, marry me and give me jewelry. Obviously, the Torah is not telling us nonsense things. The Torah is telling us something very deep here.

24:12 Open your hearts, Chaver. Listen very carefully. What it means to say is like this: There are Yidden that are mamish beautiful. In Yiddishkeit, to be beautiful means that you are a knowledgeable person. You've invested in Torah, you understand Yiddishkeit. So your relationship with that Kadosh Baruch Hu is so beautiful. There are people that are berachas beautiful. And that beauty is what creates the relationship between them and God. That is one type of person. So that's a good reason to marry somebody. There are those people that don't have that beauty. But they have access to the relationship between them and God because of their family, because their mothers and fathers were Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov, Sarurif Garachelum Lehem. There are yidden chaver that are yidden, and their whole chiyus, their whole source of life, it comes from the fact I'm a Jew. Because my parents were Jewish, and their parents were Jewish, and their parents were Jewish, and that gets to them, and they feel proud to be a Jew, and that's an awesome thing. Why? Because I'm a Jew. Chaver, you want to do an interesting experiment? You want to do an interesting experiment again?

25:16 Don't do it. Don't ask her to do this. Go over to a Jew on Yom Kippur. Who's never in shul. And ask them why you're here. Watch how insulted they get. What do you mean? Why am I here? Why do I? I don't have a right to be here, just like you. But you don't. Do you believe in God? What are you doing here? I'm a Jew. But you just told me you're agnostic. What's that got to do with me being Jewish? You understand? There's so you had this in Seattle, no? He's even there. Would show you have it? I was always inspired. Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur. There were a couple of people that used to come to shul. I only saw them Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur. But they came, dedicated, loyal Jews. Why? Ich benaied. You a Jew? Sure. You and me, we come from the same family. And they're right.

26:08 And they're right. There's an old joke. There's an old joke about a Jew that only shows up to shul on Yom Kippur. So the rabbi comes over to him and he says, "No, it's time to join the army of God." You gotta start coming to shul. So the guy looks at him and goes, "Rabbi, I am in the army of God." So he goes, "Listen, if you're in the army of God, then you gotta be part of the service." So the guy smiles and he goes, 'Rabbi, I'm in the secret service, but don't worry, I'm in the army of God.' The ones that only show up a couple of times a year. Other rabbis don't even think of themselves like that. They mamish think of themselves as like ech benayid. The chaver, what happens? What happens to those yidden that don't have the privilege of coming to NCSY and finding the beauty in Yiddishkeit? What happens to those Yidden that they've long since forgotten that they're part of the family? They don't feel like mishpacha.

26:59 And maybe we made them feel like they're not mishpacha. What happens to those Yidden? So those women say, if I'm not beautiful. If I'm not beautiful, I'm almost know nothing about Torah. If I'm not beautiful and I don't get excited by virtue of the fact that I come from this long tradition of Avram Yitzchok and Yaakov. Marry me anyway And give me jewelry, adorn me, and make me beautiful. Because those Yidden chaver that are so far that they push, don't even know that they're Jewish. They don't even care that they're Jewish. That Yid. Has the same unbreakable relationship as us. It's not better and it's not worse. We get excited about the black gemara. A good tosas, a good Rambam, a shver Rambam. That's the most exciting thing in the world. A shver Rambam. What could be better than a shver Rambam? If the Rambam wrote everything perfectly and understandably, it would be so boring. The Rambam wrote himself so excited, and we get excited about a shver Rambam.

28:04 And then there are those Yidden, they light Shabbos candles on top of their television. But at least they're lighting Shabbos candles because I'm a Jew. But what about those Yidden that are so far removed? You know what they're saying? I'm the same Jew that you are. Which is if you remember how we started the summer, because the table is only representing itself as a table right now. But this table could be broken down further and further. The reality is malleable, but ultimately you get to the source of everything. And if the source of everything is the true reality The true reality of what is, and that the source of every single thing in this world, the true reality is the unbreakable relationship between us and Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And this is why dafka it happens at a vineyard Because you know how you make you know how you make wine.

28:53 You don't just look at the outside of the grape; you squeeze the grape. You get to the guts of it. You get to the essence of the grape. You squeeze it out. That's how you make wine. And just when you think it's over, you squeeze a little more. You get a little bit more wine out. Why? Because that's the nature of a vineyard. Why did these shaduchim take place in a vineyard? A vineyard is where we say look deeper. Dig deeper. You know what you're going to find? That essential person has the same relationship with that Kodesh Baruch Hu as you do. You might observe more. You might be more passionate. You might be more inspired. But the difference is only in quantity and quality. He's a Jew, and I'm a Jew. And that's Dafka. Why did the women wear white? The women wore white because that represents purity.

29:43 And we know we say every morning in davening such powerful words. Aleinu neshamos anasatibi tehoyrin. Chaver, you know what that means? It means no matter what happened last night. No matter what you were looking at on your phone No matter the machshavasaras that came into your head This morning you wake up and you say, "I'm the same pure person that I was yesterday." I've done some things maybe that I'm not so proud of. That does not define you. To do an avera te'er is to be human But that's not you. Be'etzem, you are pure. To hirei, so the women representing Klal Yisro on our relations with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, they come dressed in white. Dig a little deeper, the Rebbeinu Shlomo is saying, you are going to see. You see me for who I truly am, and truly, the deepest desire that we all have is to be connected to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

30:40 And that's why dafka takes place in Shilo. However, what's the difference between Shilo and Yerushalayim? In Shilo, there was a mishkan. The mishkan had come to rest, and in Yerushalayim we built the base of Mikdash. What's the difference between Shilo and Yerushalayim? So the difference is as follows: in Shilo The way the pesukim tell us is you're not allowed to be makar of karbanos anywhere else. So be maker of karbanos in Shilo. In Yerushalayim, we're told to bring karbanos in Yerushalayim, and not to bring them anywhere else. That's why the Beis Hamikdash is called the Beis HaAchira, the chosen place. Because in Yerushalayim, Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, 'This where you bring a karban, right here. This where you bring a karban' And Mameila, you can't bring it anywhere else. But in Shilo, the Rebbe Shlom comes along and he says, 'Don't bring it anywhere else. Mameila, the place that's left is in Shilo.'

31:38 You'll go to the place I designate. What's the pshat? Chaver, you know what we're feeling right now after Tishah B'av. A person could feel they could make a terrible mistake. And they could feel like the Rebbeinu Shalom has gone to the rest of the world. That's where he's gone. Lameisa, who's prospering today? Who's prospering today? A billion. Almost two billion Muslims. Two billion Christians. Look at the world, Chavra. Look who's populating the world. And how many Yidden are we? A couple of million. Come out in Ephesus. A person could feel after Tishub of when they look at the Rebbeimishol, they say, 'Does the Rebbeimishol care about me anymore?' Look, he destroyed our base habehira. He destroyed our chosenness, which is why so many Yidden today feel like we're taka not chosen. You talk to a Jew today. We spoke about this in summer. You tell him you're chosen. Why am I any better than anybody else? He's embarrassed to be chosen.

32:44 Why? Because we lost the base of Achiram. But seven days after Tishav Seven days after Tishav, we say the Rebbeinu Shlom says go to Shilo because in Shilo I say don't go anywhere else. Mechumah Sura Merah, don't go anywhere else. In Yerushalayim, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is telling us you're chosen, but in Shilo, He's saying I'm not anywhere else. So that's why we dafka go to Shilo. We dafka go and we say, "You think it looks like the Rebbeinu Shem wants to be anywhere else? The Rebbeinu Shem only wants to be here." I say a mashal from a Shlomo Kavach. Unbelievable mashal. It's actually a secular mashal. It comes from an Italian love parable about a couple that was married. Sometimes you fight. Sometimes you fight for so long, you forget that you love each other. So this couple, the woman says, "I can't take it anymore." They got into some fight. She says, "I can't take it anymore. I'm going to live with my parents."

33:52 And I just I need a break. I need a break." So the husband says, "It's a good idea. I always wanted to take time to travel. You never wanted to travel, so I'll go travel, and you go to your parents." So she goes to her parents, and at the end of the week, she gets a postcard in the mail from Switzerland, and he's writing to her and he's telling her about the great time that he's having in Switzerland. And then he mentions, 'And I met a beautiful girl. She's mamish amazing. I'm so happy.' And the woman hears this, she's breaking inside. So you met someone. You met someone. I thought we were just taking a break. I didn't mean for this to happen. She didn't know what to do. The next week she gets another postcard. This time from somewhere in Russia. He's describing to her the scenes in Russia, and he tells her, "I met another girl. She's unbelievable. We've been hanging out. She's such a good friend."

34:43 The woman's marriage is breaking. And every week she's getting another letter, four or five weeks. And every week he's traveling somewhere else. He's in Paris. He's in Canada. He's in America. Every week he's traveling somewhere else. And every postcard that he sends, he says, "I met another girl." Finally, she can't take it anymore. She doesn't know what to do. She confides in her parents, which is the biggest mistake that she can make. Because now her parents start saying, 'I never liked that bum. You should never have married him. We told him you should have married this guy. He's a doctor now.' And now she has a problem because, as much as she's breaking on the inside from her husband, who's writing her these letters that he's meeting all these women, she has a problem also now that her parents are driving her up the wall. So she decides to go home. She travels back to her home in Rome.

35:30 And she walks into the apartment And she sees she hears noises in the apartment And she sees down the hall that the light in her husband's study is on. So she tiptoes to see somebody break into her house. She tiptoes And she sees. She peeks into the study. She sees that her husband is sitting in the study. So she walks in. She says, "I just got a postcard from you that you were in America. What are you doing here?" And then she looks on his desk. And she sees that he has a pile of postcards. So she grabs the postcards off the desk before the husband can take them. And she starts to look at them. Each one of them is from a different country. And each one of them is filled out And in each one of them, it tells the story that he's having a great time.

36:19 And that he met another girl. So she says, "What is this? It was all a lie." Don't you know how badly you hurt me? I've been sitting here for the last two months, every week, thinking that you met another girl. So the husband starts to cry And he says Do you think that I wanted to leave? We've been fighting so much, but I didn't want you to go. I love you. You're my everything. But it seemed like you wanted to go, so I wanted to make it easier for you. So I said, 'Yeah, you go, and I'll travel.' I wanted to make it seem realistic that you should, mamash, have the capability of being on your own. So I was telling you these stories. But I've been here the entire time. Of course, I never left. The only place I want to be here is with you. And chevrut. That's exactly the way the Rebbeinu Shalom feels about us. It appears to us that the base of Mikdash is destroyed, it appears to us that the Rebbeinu Shalom is with every other nation. That's why we dafka come to Shilo, and in Shilo, the Rebbeinu Shalom says to us, "There is no place I would rather be. You can't be Makirz Karbanos anywhere else."

37:24 There's nowhere else that we want to be. The Rebbeinu Shalom says, 'I want to be Achvarach with you.' And the deepest bechina of Gullus, the way that we know that the Gullus is so hard and breaking us so much Is that we lost sight of the fact that the Rebbeinu Shalom wants to be with us. That really, the Beis Hamikdash is not destroyed. How could the Beis Hamikdash be destroyed? The Beis Hamikdash is not made of stone. Beis Hamikdash is not destroyed. The Rebbeinu Shom is just waiting for us to come back home and say, "this is where I want to be." That's what stands in Shilo And that's why all the girls will stand in a circle because we know in Eilam Haba, all the tzaddikim are going to sit in a circle. And they're going to point to the middle of the circle and say, "This is God."

38:13 And all the balei chasidus ask, 'Why a circle?' And they answer something very beautiful: because a circle, the middle of the circle, is totally equidistant from all the parts around it. The middle of the circle is the same for everybody, because the biggest tzaddik in the world, ulamechulam tzaddikim, every one of us is a tzaddik. The biggest tzaddik in the world is the same as the person who is so far removed. Because the relationship between us and our kaddish baruch is essential. I'll tell you something unbelievable. This is mamish amazing. On Tu B'av, we mentioned that there's a full moon. There's a difference between illuminating the daytime and the sun. And illuminating the night. What's the difference between illuminating the daytime and illuminating the night? Illuminating the daytime is you don't see any darkness. You don't see any problems. Everything is good. Illuminating the night is when it's dark at night. Even though there's a big full moon out tonight.

39:22 And it's dark out, but it's also light at the same time. That's the complexity of nighttime. The complexity of night is that it could be dark and it could be light, and they both go together. They both go together. So Tuba teaches us how to illuminate the darkness. So Chaver, let's go through what happened on Tishav, and I'll show you how everything we spoke about on Tuba corresponds to that which happened on Tishav. Let's start off. Tishav Chaver, one of the main Chatoim that happened on Tishav was the Ched HaMiraglim. The Miraglim came back and they told Lashon Hara about Eretz Yisroel, and because of that, what happened, guys? They were sentenced to death. However, what happens on Tuba'ov? On Tuba'ov, that zera is over. And not only is that zera over, but that last pinto le yid, those last Jews that they thought there's no hope for us Those Jews were saved. Why? Because as our Kol D'varuchu shaves off and shaves off. Once you get to that last pinto le yid, those last fifteen thousand yidden, the Rebbeinu Sholom says, you never destroy totally.

40:31 You are never totally destroyed. You are always really here. You understand? So on Tish above, it was over, and on Tuav we see the relationship is unbreakable. On Tuav, on Tish above, we know the base of Mikdash was destroyed. What was the base of Mikdash destroyed for? The first base of Mikdash was destroyed because of Gilai Arayes Shvichas Dam and Avod Zara, and the second base of Mikdash was destroyed because of Lashon Hara. But we know that in Churban by Es Rishon, what was the worst of the three averims? The worst one was Avayduzar. And Chaver, what do we know happened on Tubaav? That the guards were removed and allowed people to come back to Beis Hamikdash. That all that Avayduzar that they had set up along the way was finally removed, and we could come back to Beis Hamikdash. And what about Sinas Chinam?

41:24 Chaver? What is Sinas Chinam about? It's when two people. Hate each other for no reason. If we want to have a tikkun for the second base of Mikdash, what are we going to need on Tubaav? Not just one thing. We're going to need two. What were the two things that happened on Tubaav that correspond to the second base of Mikdash? That correspond to the destruction of the second base of Mikdash because of San Aspinam? The tribes are allowed to intermarry, and Shevet Binyamin is allowed back. We know that on Tishaav Beitar was destroyed. And on Tu B'av, They were buried, and not only were they buried, chevrav. But normally, what happens when somebody dies? The body rots. Why does the body rot? Because remember, we spoke once this summer about life and existence. So when existence doesn't have life, what happens to the existence? It withers away. But chevrav Really, does life die?

42:21 No. Life doesn't die. Just like salt doesn't go bad. So what did we see in Beit Ar? We saw that even though their existence stopped, the life was still there, and therefore the bodies didn't rot. Why? Because in the core, in the pneumius, in the essence, can it be destroyed? It cannot be destroyed. Tuba of is consistently the message that whatever looked like destruction on Tisha B'Av It's not real. It's not real. The bond is unbreakable. Be'etzem it's unbreakable. We live life. If you don't know this, you're going to be so broken in life. I'm going to tell you why. Because if you think that life is breakable, then life has no point. And when life has no point, all you can do is distract yourself. It's the only logical thing to do. All you can do is distract yourself. What do we distract ourselves with? We constantly need to be on the phone. We constantly need to be entertained.

43:19 We're constantly running after another pleasure. We're constantly running after our own narcissism. Why? Because what's the point, Chevra? When you start off with something that's real So then everything makes sense after that. So Beitir, we learn an unbelievable lesson, and that's why we bench every single time we bench. What do we say every single time, Chevra? Every single time we remember, why is that miracle in benching? Because every single time a person eats and they wash and they make a bracha Every single time we remind ourselves that all of this is really real. It's really real. And lastly We know that the Romans When they left Eretz Yisrael, one of the things that happened on Tishavah is they plowed Yerushalayim with sulfur and salt. And the effects of that are still being felt today. When you put salt and sulfur in the earth, it makes it impossible for the earth to be fertile.

44:23 So they didn't want to just kick us out. They wanted to destroy it so that nobody should inhabit Eretz Yisrael. And on Tu B'av, Life had grown in Eretz Yisrael. We found wood. We found wood. We could chop it down. Good dry wood. And that's what we use to serve our kodesh baruch in the base of Megiddosh. But what do we do on Tu B'av? We take those axes and we destroy them. Now listen very carefully. Why do we take those axes and destroy them? Why don't we wait? You would never do that, right? Imagine today. In New York, people have those snowblowers. Used to be we had shovels. Used to be that you could make some money going from neighbor to neighbor shoveling snow. They still have such a thing. People today tell me I rent a snowblower. I make money. It takes me two seconds to do a driveway with my snowblower.

45:18 I feel like an old man. But where do you build character from? Like, there's something very special about getting snow in your boots and you come home and you're like disgusting and full of brown snow. It's not a geshmack thing. But today, everybody has those snowblowers. Imagine if at the end of the season. Baruch Hashem, we don't have much snow here in Eretz Yisrael. But imagine if, at the end of the season, I told you, 'Oh, your snowblower is done. You don't need it now.' So I throw it in the garbage. You don't need it. However, that's not what happens, is it? I don't know anymore. It's last year's model. I can't. I need the new. I need something that could power a motorboat. If it can't power a Hummer, I don't want to be blowing snow with it. Why do we throw out our snowblowers? Because it's still good for next year. Why do we have to chop down? Why do we have to get rid of our axes?

46:13 So next year we'll use these axes again. It almost sounds—I shouldn't speak this way—but it almost sounds. It's not like a Jewish thing, right? I can almost hear my grandmother telling me, "That's a waste." Children in Africa don't have trees to chop. They don't have axes to chop down trees, and you're just throwing it away. Okay. But on Pnimias Hatayr, we say that we have to break Break the instruments of destruction. That on Tuvaav There's no such thing as destruction. All there is building. All there is fertility. All there is life. So on Tuvaav, those instruments that we used to cut down life, to cut down those trees, even though we were using it for a good purpose. It's time to throw away the axes. It's time to live with that which is real. And maybe that's a pshat and Nachamu ami. Shabbos Nachamu. Shabbos Nachamu is this week.

47:28 We say Nachamu ami. What's the double lashon of the word Nachamu? So maybe Nachamu ami means Shilo and Yerushalayim. There's a b'chena of Nachamu of coming back to Shilo and hearing that message that Hakadosh Baruch Hu sends. That Hakadosh Baruch Hu is saying I don't want to be anywhere else. This is the only place I want to be. But then there's a deeper dimension of the word Nachamu, which is the b'chena of Yerushalayim Which is Hakadosh Baruch Hu saying to us, and not only do I not want to be anywhere else, but I also want to be with you. Tuba is seven days after Tishav. Why is Tuba seven days after Tishav, Chaver? Because it's time to get up from Shiva. It's time to get up from Shiva. There's such a thing as mourning. And there's a time to move on from mourning. The halacha is you're not allowed to mourn for more than Shiva. Now you go into a new thing called Shleishim, and after Shleishim you have to move a little bit further away from that mourning to Yud Beis Chaydish.

48:36 And after Yud Beis Chaydish all you have left is the Yardside. Because a Jew does not live in the bechina of destruction. If you're living with destruction, then you're not living in Yiddishkeit. It's time to throw away the instrument of destruction. The instrument of destruction is the axe. It's time to get it from Shiva. Let's move from Shilo to Jerusalem. Let's go to the essence to be able to say yes. I'm beautiful. I learned a tremendous amount of taira this summer. Yes. The avos Avram, Yitzchok, and Yaakov saw Rivka, Rachel, and Leah. Avadim. But that's not what makes me beautiful. What makes me so important to Hakadosh Baruch Hu is just because I am. Just like in Beitir, those bodies would not be destroyed because the essence cannot be destroyed. I'm not living with that destruction. There's an illumination of the darkness that we're living with—a full moon. A full moon. Though I saw that on Tishah, so many things happened, all those yin were being destroyed.

49:44 But that last penalty can't be destroyed. So nachamun nacham Nachamun nacham. Let's move from Shilo to Shalayim. Let's take what we learned this summer about who we really are—not what we look like on the outside, but who we really are—and let's move closer and closer to that binyan beis hamikdash. To the base of Achira, to the place that the Rebbeinu Shlom ultimately chooses, and in that way, may we be zaycher to find To find Not to meet, but to find Hakadosh Baruch. To rediscover the relationship that's been there from the very beginning of time, from forty days before creation, from the real bchinah of Tuvav. Next summer, you're all going to be living here. Will there be NCSY Kol and Olam HaBay and Mashiach times? Of course, there will be NCSY Kol. This time it'll be in Yerushalayim, where Yerushalayim becomes all of Eretz Yisrael, and Eretz Yisrael becomes all of the world. Thank you so much for spending your summer with us.