The challenge of Tisha B'Av is that we are being called upon to feel the pain of the loss of the Beis HaMikdash when we have never experienced the Beis HaMikdash. What we can feel is the pain of the shechina who longs to have a place in our world once again. Feeling the pain of another requires a strong sense of self which can only come from tapping in to the Godly soul that dwells within each of us. In this shiur, delivered at NCSY Kollel on Tisha B'Av, Rav Burg takes us through three stories, the story of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza, the story of Tur Malka, and the story of Beitar, amd shows how in each of these stories a lack of self expressed itself in the lack of feeling for another.
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In this shiur, delivered at NCSY Kollel on Tisha B'Av, Rav Burg explains how we are all very busy trying to tap into our own loss on Tisha B'Av but what about feeling Hashem's Pain for His loss. It's His house that was destroyed and only through feeling the pain of another will we merit to rebuild the Beis HaMikdash.
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Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
The Torah Kadosh tells us the fight between Yakov and Esav Malchav Esav Occurred on Tishav. Connection between the fight Yakov and Malchav Esav can be explained by understanding the pasuk when Yavas and Yakov left. The Avinu went alone. The Medrash says, 'Aniskar Hashem levadu bayamah.' " At the moment The Yaakov Avinu was alone. Hakadosh Baruch Hu was alone as well. A young man in NCSY Kollel is present in this room right now. And I'm only not saying his name because I didn't ask permission. A very growth-oriented young man asked How can we make Tisha B'Av more meaningful? How can we make this experience of sitting in the Mishmar Shul on the floor more than just sitting on something uncomfortable or reading words that are difficult to understand? Even if we translate them to English? I tried my best to give an answer.
The truth of the matter is that I think my answer fell short. The classic move is to try to speak about our loss. Try to contextualize what we don't have by having a Bes Hamikdash and not having Moshiach. But there's two hurt parties here. We are clearly one of them. We are in exile. We don't have a Beis Hamikdash. We don't have Mashiach. There's another hurt party. The Malachasim say that this is the more damaged party. Yaakov Avinu was alone, but Rav Chaim Baruch was alone with him. Whose house was destroyed? We always speak about it as our pesanimikdash, our lack of pesanimikdash. The balechasidus and the balechabala are speaking about Hakadosh Baruch Hu who is almost destroyed. Do we feel the pain of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, so to speak, on this day? Miagavinu refused to be consoled. The Malach Chassidus explains it's because Yosef is the gematria of Tziyom.
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Yaakov Avinu His relationship with Avraham Baruch led him to become one with Hashem, so to speak. And Yosef leaving was like Klal Yisrael going down to Eretz Yisrael. Who's in more pain? Yosef Hasidik is an exile. Yosef Hasidik is experiencing the trials and tribulations of the House of Eishes Potiphar. In the jail, and even being the viceroy of Mesraim. But it's Yaakov Avinu that refuses to be consoled. Ain la menachim yikol avel, Hakadosh Baruch Hu has no consolation from all of the malachim that he has in Shamayim. The one that Hakadosh Baruch Hu desires to have a relationship with is us. Every year. Come out every year. We hear these stories of a child that goes missing in the summer. Jews get together and we walk hand in hand with flashlights. If it's the middle of the night, wherever it is Olam Hatzalah comes out. Everybody wants to participate in finding this lost child.
Who's in more pain? The child who's lost is scared. The child who's lost is uncertain. He doesn't know what's going to be. Whenever these stories happen I start to think about what the parents must be going through in that situation. What's the terror of a parent who somehow? Is holding by this place of I don't know what's going to be. Will I chas v'shalom lose my child? If I find them, what state will they be in? Ielam chesed ibane. Hakadosh Baruch Hu created the world for chesed, with chesed. How does the Jew reach out to find Hakadosh Baruch Hu? And to somehow immanahim at Kodesh Barukh Hu. How can we console at Kodesh Barukh Hu today? So you might say it's not our job. Might say at Kodesh Barukh Hu is going to get the chama when ultimately Mashiach comes. But we have a parent who's suffering And we're present.
What can we do? So the simple answer is That we can feel Hakadosh Baruch Hu's pain. We don't sit on the floor just to be uncomfortable, and we don't say Kinos just to have nasty thoughts and talk about tragic times. We're emo and not happy. It's an act of chesed that we can do for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. We can say Hakadosh Baruch Hu, your home is destroyed and we were responsible for destroying it and went into exile. But a yid is not a yid unless he's feeling the pain of another. Growing up, my rasha shiva shlika was Rabbi Yaakov Bender. Every shmuzen we would hear Friday shmuzen from Rabbi Bender. And he had themes The same themes he would speak about week in and week out. And he drilled it into us. We were in fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth grade. When I was younger, if I'm being honest In a childish way, I would make fun of these shmoozins a little bit because I was like, "Which three shmoozins is Rabbi Bender going to pick from today?" It was always the same three shmoozins.
Couched in different formats for that week's parasha, but it was the same three basic shmoozins. But he drilled it into us. As an adult, you gain an appreciation for them. So one of the shulzim is a word that I've heard from every vendor, I dare say, hundreds of times. On the day that Sari Yemino gave birth All of the women who were infertile gave birth on that day. And the simple explanation is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu sent so much bracha into the world that all the women that couldn't have children had children on that day. And I bent her quarters from her palm, and he said It's not the pshat. The pshat is that Sara Eimenu felt the pain of every single person so deeply that were she to have a child on that day And her next door neighbor And the woman down the block, and the woman in the neighborhood who couldn't have children, didn't have a child, Sara Eimenu could not have been the symbol.
To give Sara Yemenu the true simcha of having a child, it was necessary for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to give every single woman a child. Because she was doweik. She was so deeply connected to other people's pain. The way that we connect to Hakadosh Baruch Hu's pain in this world is that we connect to Klal Yisrael. We see their pain and we do chesed, and we're emo and ofi b'sara. And we do whatever we can. In yeshiva many years ago I had a roommate. This roommate was a person. All he wanted was to help other people. He was the guy in yeshiva that if somebody needed a listening ear, or somebody in yeshiva wasn't doing so well, you knew you could count on him for a kind word. So it wasn't surprising to any of us when he became a professional. Someone who specialized in pain management.
Someone who wanted to make other people feel well. And then, a number of years ago, he started an organization. And those who knew this person well were not surprised. It was a chesed organization. He wanted every single Jew to give a dollar a day to stop. How many millions of dollars can be donated if a Jew will just give a dollar a day to stop? And how many millions of dollars have been given out from Daily Giving today? Millions of dollars. It wasn't because Dr. Donahue had a great idea. Those who knew him, and there are people in the room that have known him for a very long time Those who knew him were not surprised. This is a person who feels the pain of another. That's what Claudia and Charles are. We're people that feel the pain of other people. The Talmud of our yeshiva became a social worker And he told me that he doesn't want to work in the firm world.
He wants to work in the secular world. He wants to start organizations in the secular world. So I was a little surprised to hear this. He's a very special, generous person. So he said, "You don't understand." We already have all of the infrastructure that a person could possibly need. I want to try to do something for people that don't have it. If you have a special needs child We have OHel. We have Has. The person Chassv Shalom gets sick We have High Lifeline. You break your car brakes down. No solo. What do we need in our community that we don't have? We have everything. Because a yid is dying for another yid Because we care about each other. Caring about each other is not because we're such good neighbors. To care about another Jew is the greatest tiyum. I care about the Rabbani Shalom. If a yid is in pain, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is in pain, and I'm trying to solve Hakadosh Baruch Hu's pain in this world. I'm trying to bring a little bit of a necham. It's why we have this infrastructure. It's not an accident.
People who are deeply connected to a God above are deeply connected to each other down below. Beit Hamikdash was destroyed because of Smashtina. That doesn't make sense. Children fight. Children fight is part of being part of a family. And every father knows that there's nothing that drives us more crazy than when our children fight Especially if you see your children fighting over an Irish name. Every father, at some point I'm sure not in an unhealthy way, but every father, at some point, you see that look on your father's face, where it's like, "Just stop it! What are you fighting over?" But you don't destroy your house. The kids are fighting needlessly. You don't burn down the house. Why does Nachal Shmuel destroy the base? I make the Shmuel because of sinas chinam. It's not because we were just fighting unnecessarily. It's because when siblings fight, it's because they don't understand the value of family. They don't understand what connects and unifies every single one of us.
There's nothing more painful in the world than when little children fight, but at least they're little children. How much more painful is it when we see families that are torn apart over foolishness Over money Over petty things? And as parents, I've seen this happen with parents who have children that don't speak to each other. Parents who are making simchas and don't know which children are going to show up to the simchas because they're in these petty fights. It's not just these kids fighting; they don't understand most of the family. And what's the value of a house if it can't possibly be a home? A kol d'shvarah doesn't destroy the beis hamikdash because we don't have a relationship with each other. It destroys the beis hamikdash because we don't have a relationship with him, and mainly we don't have a relationship with each other. We lost the sense of family.
Our response to Avodah Zarahu for thousands of years has been: We do understand the value of family. Look what happens if you get in trouble. Somehow it always works out. That whenever, especially here in this country That whenever Jews start fighting with each other An enemy from outside comes. That enemy always manages to realign our values. Say, Rabbi Nachman of Breslov tells a beautiful story. I love this story so much. It's just that he was ice skating with his family. Was ice skating with his brothers And as brothers do, they were beating each other up. That's what brothers do. And some person Some parent. Came over and said, "Stop fighting." And all the siblings got up and said "Don't speak to my brothers that way." And all of a sudden, they were a team. All of a sudden, they were the State of Achsos. There are videos going on right now on the internet of beautiful videos. This country right now is in the middle of a unique type of conversation about the way that the country is being run. It's not for Tishybo to talk about, but beautiful videos. Of Yidden going up an escalator and Yidden going down an escalator, and those that are going up the escalator are on one side of the aisle, and those that are going down the escalator are on the other side of the aisle.
And they're shaking hands and slapping five, saying "I love you." These beautiful videos are out there. Last Shabbos I was driving to Malonia Irin to be with T. J. And as we get on Kli Shachar from 38 from Ramat Eshemesh. I started to notice that there's hundreds of cars that are parked on the side of Thirty-Eight, and I realized we are literally driving into a massive hagana. I started wondering where I am going to be for Shabbos. Because my long yahrzeit is maybe twenty minutes from my house, but Waze is saying it's going to be an hour and twenty minutes now to get there. I started thinking to myself, we're going to be passing Beit Lehi, and since my goal is there for Shabbos. Maybe I'll end up in a Sephardic hall for Shabbos, and we get onto Eishet Had, and we're moving inches. And people are marching on the side of the road.
I notice something: everybody's smiling. Everyone's waving their Daggel Yisrael, their Israeli flag. Everyone's having a good time. And every hundred feet or so There are people giving out water. And there are people giving out Isis. And my daughter's in the car said, "How about if we stop and get water and stop and get ISIS?" I didn't feel it was appropriate, so I didn't stop, but I wanted to. I was on the phone with my mother, and my mother said, "Pay attention! I bet you there's going to be some chabad shliach out there giving out candles for Shabbos" Even when we fight. There's a sense of unity that exists in Klal Yisroel today. There are people dedicating their lives to Klal Yisroel. I don't want to say anything negative, Chassid Shalom. I don't want to say anything bad, but I sometimes wonder. We have so many strong values in our community.
Leibad Torah Guys came to NCSY Kol in the summer. That's incredible. Ashenara Beautiful. We should speak nicely about other Jews. But I sometimes wonder: Do we speak about Chassid this way? We speak about Torah. There's a big conversation right now in the world. Are people going into chinuch? If people aren't going into chinuch It's not because people aren't paying enough money. It's not because there's not a good salary. It's because we are raising children in our community to know that to give to another Jew is the greatest expression of healing Hakadosh Baruch Hu's pain in the world? If people aren't becoming SJSY advisors. You'll forgive me for saying this, but I doubt it's only because of the koedish. Are we sensitive? Are we people that are dedicating our lives to kol yisroel? Are we in the business of pain management? I heard from an old rebbe of mine, Ruziger, he said a very deep tirah.
You know why we don't feel like kol yisroel who's pain? Because we feel it so deeply, we have no choice but to numb the pain. And all the things that we do in this world are just to numb the pain of kolos. Because if we would pay attention to the fact that our kol d'chavrochus, in a certain sense, the shkina is in kolos, it would be so overwhelming that we would have no choice but to totally break down. For most of the year, we do everything we can to avoid paying attention to our kol d'chavrochus. Powerful pain in this world But at least in this Kufa of the three weeks and the Friday night Tishav We do our best to feel the pain of the Kachbarim, to feel the pain of another. When the Rishayim came into the Beis Hamikdash to destroy the Beis Hamikdash They found it proven in loving embrace.
It's not what you would expect. After in this time When Chal Yisrael wasn't behaving, one would expect that the proven would be facing away from each other. Not only were they facing towards each other, but they were in a loving embrace. Perhaps we can suggest that in those moments Before everything goes wrong Those final moments, there's a certain sense of Please don't leave. Is a family that I know that unfortunately the parents split up. There was a tremendous amount of love in the family. There was a tremendous amount of pain in the family. Moments before the divorce, moments before the get One of the parents reached out to the other. One of the spouses reached out to each other and said Maybe let's not do this. It was too much pain. The other party couldn't see leading a whole life with this person anymore, and so the get went through.
But I know that this person That moment when he said maybe let's not do this, I know what he was saying. I know what he was saying because a couple weeks beforehand he had called me up and he told me it seems like this is really going to happen. Maybe somebody can intervene, and I said, "That's not him." I think the only person that can intervene at this point is you. He didn't want it to happen. So sometimes you see the train wreck is coming, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. So he reached out Please don't leave. Perhaps we could suggest that that's what was happening—the kruvim and the kodesh habedoshim As we were going into exile, a kodesh baruch hu was in a certain sense holding on to us and saying, 'Please don't leave.' How am I going to sit alone for all these years?
How am I going to be with no one? There's no greater pain than the pain of loneliness, than a lack of belonging. A person doesn't have a place to be. How am I going to be so alone? So it's our time to respond to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and to say to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, "You're not alone." We're here with you. There's no malach in the world that could give you a nechama, but we, al Kiddush Baruch Hu, can give you a nechama. We have a Shabbos Nachamu that's coming. We're on our way. We're rebuilding the Beis Hamikdash. Every single act of chesed is another brick in the Beis Hamikdash. Blessed Hashem This is the last Tishbet. Every year on Tishbet. Weinberger Moshe Weinberger Shleitan Woodmere. The first words out of his mouth are Nach Tishav, another Tishav. How did we end up here? I remember when I was in America and I would go to hear the Rebbe speak.
I was always moved by the fact that he was surprised that another Tishav came. He said in that beautiful Reb Weingreber way, like the words were dripping out of his mouth, like Nach Tishav. How did we end up here? I'm certainly not at the level to say nach tishavuf But I hope we could be at the level to be able to say to the eruvin shalom, no more tishavufs. We're not interested in any more tishavufs. We're not interested in any more tragedies, any more calamities. We're not interested in gublis. It's our opportunity this tishavuf to best Hashem bring a complete nachama to the eruvin shalom.
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