Toldos - Madly in Love With Eisav

2:11 Who are you? I was here. Where? You went upstairs. Where did you go? Hiding in the back. First thing to thank, Charlie. I'm going to thank Charlie, but I wish I would have known that you were in the room. You went upstairs. I got him now. Don't worry. Charlie hides in the back And everyone knows Charlie's a person whose whole chayas is to bring Torah to Yidden. Sometimes it's putting tzitzis on Yidden. Sometimes putting tefillin on Yidden. Sometimes it's getting us together for Matzah Shabbats. This was really all Charlie's idea. And may it be Hashem, Charlie, should be a tremendous chos for you. That all of the hispashtos, all of the light that's coming out of you Kol D'varuch, should pay you back double. I remember many years ago I was talking to Rav Zucker. I had a chesedin whether or not I should leave Koyel to go into Chinuch.

3:12 I was nervous and concerned. We want to sit and learn for as long as possible. So I said, Rabbi, what's going to be with my learning? And Ruzluker said to me, he said, imagine that there's a person that they come to take care of the king's child But because they're taking care of the king's child, they can't make a parnasa because they're busy taking care of the king's child. Is it possible that the king is going to let that man starve? Not only is he not going to let that man starve, but the king is going to make sure that he has even more than he needs because he has such a karasato for what he's doing for his children. So Reb Zucker said to me, "If it's the right time for you to leave Kotel, you should not think for one second that's going to impact your learning." Because other Rabbis, you'll give to the Rebbeinu Shalom's children, you'll see that your learning will take you half the time. And I left Kotel and I went into Chinuch And it's it's taka true, it's taka true.

4:02 So all the work that you've put in giving to others, and all of us here tonight, you'll see you're taking care of the Rebbeinu Shalom's children. Blessed Hashem, the Rebbeinu Shalom shall take care of you. Amen. Now I already spoke about. The younger Kornwasser I have to speak about the Makar Habracha. I've had the chance now of knowing Mr. Kornwasser for several years. And not only from Evasera, but also from NCSY. And I think everybody knows And I don't mix hashvacha b'fanav, but I think sometimes it's like to say the obvious thing. That's the Talmud of Mr. Kornwasser in the world. Being for the Tzibur There are people that blazed the trail that we walk. And boys, we're standing on the shoulders of giants. Sometimes we think that we come into this world without any context. And we think that we showed up, and the shuls in our communities were always there, and the schools in our communities were always there.

5:09 And it's not true. There are people who have dedicated their lives to our Tzibur. That we were born on top of the mountain It's like we didn't achieve this on our own. And it's not obvious. It's not obvious when you look around in the world today. Somebody told me, I don't know if this stat is true, but it sounds true. Somebody told me that every single day in Lakewood, 25 boys and 25 girls are born. That's a class every single day. That's a large grade every single week. That's forty-eight grades that are born. Let's look at the shuginous stat. How many grades could there possibly be in every single year? And this person was saying that their biggest difficulty now in Lakewood is they can build the buildings and they have the money, they have the infrastructure. The only thing they don't have is enough teachers. Imagine.

6:09 And maybe teachers will finally get paid. That'd be a good thing. There becomes a dearth of teachers, and there's so many more kids. That would be an amazing thing. But it's amazing that the community can grow as fast as it's growing, and there are people who have dedicated their lives to building our community. And we are We're in the basement of a home that is quite literally built by someone who builds our community. And I've had the opportunity to watch Mr. Kornwasser from far and close. And I was Baruch Hashem raised by my rashi shiva, Rabbi Yaakov Bender Shlita, and I saw firsthand what it means for a person to give himself kalkulo over to the Tzibur. I saw with my own eyes. I was in Darche on Friday. I went to visit my rashi shiva to be by him for a couple of minutes.

7:02 And I just saw it. It's erev Shabbat. Shabbat is three hours away, and he's still working in yeshiva because there's still work to do. And I saw his total bittul to the klal. And I feel like when I'm in the Kornwasser home, I feel like I'm in the same office as I was by my Rosh Yeshiva. The same gefil, the same heart, the same love for klal yisrael. And I know that today there's a big focus on Today in the world, and it's nobody's fault, but today in the world there's a big focus on making money and having But the real focus has always been that whatever we have is for somebody else. That's really the truth. Hakadosh Baruch Hu, whatever He gives us to be the steward of To build a world for the Rebbeinu Shlom. And we build a world for the Rebbeinu Shlom by being balechesed, and we're quite literally sitting in a home of chesed.

7:53 So again. Noam, as Hashem, your home will follow in the path of your parents because you were born on the shoulders of giants. And Mr. Kornwasser, I do feel this way. I do feel I'm being honest. I feel like I'm your Talmud. And you blessed me with the opportunities. Walking out, blessed me with the opportunity. Don't ever take the microphone. I know you don't like this. I know you don't like this at all. I just want to say something, which is when you get to host a rab or a rebbe, you sort of jump at the opportunity. But when you get a rebbe like Rev. Bird, who's more than a Rebbe, like he cares about each and every Talmud, and it's not just about Torah, but it's about being an amazing Yid. You take that opportunity, you take the thirst, and you just keep on wanting more. I compliment each and every one of you for being here, just because that's who Rebberg is, a special person who really cares about each and every Talmud. My bracha to you is you should have the kayach to be able to continue to do this.

8:54 Your family should continue to support the amazing work that you do, and the hashpa that you have should really continue to multiply. Subscribe. Amazing. Thank you so much for those beautiful words. That was Mr. Kornwasser's way of telling me to be quiet. I want to share with you a short tirah because I have to go to catch a flight. Although for some reason I'm sitting in the middle seat, so if they bump me, I'm coming right back. I want to share with you a short tirah that I think is a meaningful tirah. We're already holding by Motzei Shabbos. We're holding by Malav Amalca, so the Ayrus of this past Shabbos are still with us, and the Ayrus of next Shabbos have already begun. So we'll speak a little bit about next week's Parsha. We know that the pasuk tells us, "V'yahav Yitzchak es Esav kitzayed bepiv v'rifka ayhev es Yaakov" That Yitzchak loved Esav because he was kitzayed bepiv; he had game in his mouth.

9:51 And Rivka loved Yaakov. And when we were children growing up It's a very strange pasuk. When we're children growing up, it sounds like The Avos Hakadoshim are playing favorites. We're children, so we learn these things very young. We learned when was the last time we learned Chumash? We were eight years old, nine years old. We don't learn Chumash. We're very busy learning Gemara, so we don't learn Chumash. And it's chaval. We should learn Chumash. We should learn Chumash be'ian. But children, so we grew up thinking Rivka loved Yaakov better. And Yitzchak loved Esav better, and that's obviously terrible. What and it's obviously also not true, because when you become parents, I know you think your parents were lying. I know you think, really, I'm not my parents' favorite. Really that kid is my parents' favorite. Everybody thinks that, but it's not true. Every parent has so much love for every single child. There's children that get under our skin more.

10:43 But there's no such thing as a parent that doesn't love all their children infinitely. It's not true to think that Yitzchak on any level loved Esav more than he loved Yaakov. It's not true to think that Rivka loved Yaakov any more than she loved Esav. That can't possibly be the pshat in the pasuk. And it does require a beer. It does require an explanation. Because it does seem like Yitzchak loved Esav and Rivka loved Yaakov. It does seem that way. So it requires an explanation from us in a deep way to try to understand what's actually going on over here. And befrat just to zero in. What does it mean that Yitzchak loved Esav because tsayid befiv Because he had game in his mouth, because he was a shak. That doesn't sound like a reason to love somebody. That sounds like a reason not to love somebody.

11:32 So What does it mean that Yitzchak loved Esav kitzayid befiv? Another question that I saw my Rashi when I went to visit Rabbi Bender. He gave me some of his svarim. Over Shabbos, I had the opportunity to look at some of my rabbi's farim, and he brought down a beautiful kasha. It's a well-known kasha, and he gave a beautiful answer. We'll use his answer later, but I wanted to speak out the kasha. The Yishlach Yitzchak as Yaakov. Yaakov Vino has just received the brachos from Yitzchak, and now Yaakov realizes that he's given the brachos of Esav to Yaakov, so he sends Yaakov away. Bayeilech Padana Aram, and where is he sending them? He's sending him to Padana Aram. Elavan Ben Basuah. He's going to Elavan, his brother-in-law. Harami Achirif, Achai Rifka, the brother of Rifka Eim Yaakov veEsav. Who's Rifka? The mother of Yaakov and Esav. However, the whole time, who are we talking about? We're talking about Yaakov and Esav and Yitzchak and Rifka, and now the Torah at the end of this story, the Torah circles back and says, 'Who was Rifka Imenu? She was the mother of Yaakov and Esav.' As if we didn't know who Rifka is. Like you're giving me the whole family tree over here. We know the family tree. We know the story. So what in the world is the pasuk coming and reminding us that Rivka was the mother of Esav and Yaakov? Of course she was.

12:52 I want to share something I think is very important. You should know that Rivka loved Esav and Esav loved Rivka. Rivka loved Esav and Esav loved Rivka. That's obvious. And I'll bring you a raya. Pasuk tells us. That Rivka imenu She took the clothing of Esav and put it on Yaakov avinu to trick Yitzchak into thinking that Yaakov was really Esav. Anyone ever asked the question Where did she get Esav's clothing from? How did she have access to Esav's clothing? Whoever was Esav married? Esav was married. You guys know Esav was married at the time of this whole story. Esav was already married. So where does one keep their clothing when you get married? Today, maybe it's not so obvious. Today, we have to move out of mommy and daddy's house. People stay close to their parents. My parents are giving me money. Sometimes people need support. But there's such a thing as getting married and moving on. You pack up. You have a suitcase. You go to your apartment and you unpack.

14:03 What's Asav got clothing? Why does he have clothing by his mother's house? He didn't move out of his mother's house. So what does Rashi tell us? Rashi says he didn't trust his wives. Esav had wives, but he knew who they were. He didn't trust them. He didn't trust his own wives. He knew they were not honest people. He trusted his mother. What does that mean for us? It means that Rivka Imenu had a beautiful relationship with Esav. Trust is at the heart of any relationship. That's why relationships are so difficult. I was talking to someone Mamish today. And he was saying he has a tough relationship with a person in his life, and he was like, "I push it. Don't trust them. I don't trust them." Trust is the foundation of any relationship. That's why by an isha sota, by a woman who's chosen that maybe the husband is chosen, maybe his wife was mizanah, maybe his wife went with somebody else. They have to drink literally water that's a nase from our kadosh baruch hu to testify that nothing happened, because otherwise the marriage is over.

15:09 Because once the trust in a marriage has been eroded, it's not possible to rebuild it. So Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself has to come and testify. Nothing happened. There could still be trust in this relationship. Trust is the foundation of any relationship. This means that Rivka loved Esav very much to the degree that Esav Mamish trusted her. This clothing that he had, it was such. It was the most important baget that he has. Chaver, you know where he got this clothing from? He got this clothing because he killed Nimrod. This was the coat, the special coat that Nimrod was wearing. Nimrod was a very powerful person because of this coat. Esav was exceptional. Even when Esav was an old man, all the Shvatim together could not take on Esav. Esav was exceptionally powerful. And on the day that Avram Avinu died, Esav killed Nimrod and took his coat. Where did Nimrod get this coat from?

15:58 Nimrod got this coat because this was the coat that Adam Harishon was given by Hakadosh Baruch Hu after he was thrown out of Gan Eden. Adam Rishon got this coat to protect him from the elements of this world. The coat was passed down to Naach, and eventually it got into the hands of Nimrod. Chazal tell us it made Nimrod into a god. He was a great hunter. All the animals of the world were on this coat, and animals would come and they would literally bow down before Nimrod, and then he would just shecht them. This coat was an exceptionally powerful coat. It protected him from the most dangerous animals. Esav was so powerful that he took this coat, and this was the coat that he would use to serve his father. This was the most precious coat that he had. He didn't trust his wives with that coat. He trusted his mother. He trusted his mother with that coat. That means Esav had such a deep attachment to his mother.

16:46 And by the way, we know that even after Yaakov got the brachos, we know that Esav Harasha had an unbelievable schlos. What was the schlos of Esav? The schlos of Esav was keepitavein. That's why Yaakovina was so afraid of Esav because the one thing that Yaakov didn't have, because he had to run away for all those years by Lavan. The one thing he didn't have was the opportunity to serve his parents. Which is a big mussar for every one of us. There should not be a day that goes by that we don't reach out to our parents. It could very well be that the Rebbeinu Shlom brought technology into the world that we could reach out to our parents. This technology is meant to be used to reach out to our parents every single day. Used to be when I was in Eretz Yisrael for the year, you spoke to your parents maybe once a week.

17:28 Maybe once every other week. It wasn't so easy. There was a dorm phone. People were using it. You had to have a calling card. Back in the day, you had davasimonim, a special type of token to make a phone call. Today, you could WhatsApp video, you could FaceTime with your parents, you could even shoot them a text. Every single person, every single day, has to reach out to their mother and father, wish them a good morning, wish them a good night, check in. We have an unbelievable opportunity to be mechabit our parents. We can't let that go. Esav had an unbelievable schos. He was mechabit his parents. You know what that means, Rabbi Yisai? It doesn't say that he was mechabit his father. He was mechanic his father. He was mechabit his parents. That means that even after Rivka Imenu engineered this entire thing, Yaakov Venu should get the brachos. The love that Esav felt from Rivka was so real that he continued to be mechabit her. He didn't go to a therapist's office and he didn't lie down on a couch and he didn't say, "I need you to hold space for me because my mother betrayed me."

18:20 No, he mamish felt like his mother loved him so much. He was so angry at Yaakov Venu, he wanted to kill him. But to his mother, he had no tainus. The relationship between Rivka Yimenu and Esav was stunning, gorgeous, beautiful in ways we can possibly imagine. So much so that even after this ultimate act of betrayal, where Esav was devastated that he lost the brachas of his father, he loved Rivka, and Rivka loved him. So it can't possibly be the case that Rivka Yimenu didn't love Esav. It can't be. So what does it mean? So maybe it means something like this: Every child gets what they need. Every child gets what they need. Rivka loved Yaakov because she understood beruach kodesh. She understood with the ruach kodesh that she had that one day Yaakov Avinu was going to end up in her brother's house. One day he's going to end up in her brother's house, and she understood.

19:22 That Yaakov Avinu was ish tam Yosef Olam. You know what it means to be a tam? It means that he was an honest person with tremendous integrity. And the challenge of being a person with tremendous integrity is very often you don't know how to handle people that have no integrity. That's the challenge of being an integrity person. That a person lies to your face and you're such a meistic a person that you almost just think they're telling the truth. It's it's it's a it's a beautiful naivete The emiss is that in life you want to be like Yaakov Avinu, you want to be somebody who just so believes in the goodness of people that when they say something to you take it at face value. That of course we all want to be that way, but La Ma'isa Rivka Imenu understood that one day Yaakov Avinu is going to go into the house of Lavan and he's going to need to be protected from himself.

20:15 So what does it mean she loved Yaakov? It means I'm giving this child what he needs. I grew up in that house. I understand the darkness of the house of Lavan. So I love you means I'm going to give you what I need. Esav didn't need to be protected from Lavan for two reasons. One, he wasn't going to get up. He wasn't going to end up by Lavan. And Esav is the type of personality that even if he ended up by Lavan, he'd be fine. When those two, I'm not Baruch Hashem. I'm not so much in the world of business. I really don't know so much about business. But I know that there are certain people who are so dishonest that they go up against other dishonest people and they're tricking each other the entire time. Those people are fine; they know how to deal with those people. But an honest person walks into a shyster's office. He has no idea what to do. The guy's running circles around him. Riff gave me no prepared Yaakov very well, but I want to share with you the other side. The other side is stunning.

21:11 But Yitzchak loved Esav. Yitzchak loved Esav. What was the midav? Yitzchak. The midav of Yitzchak is gevura. The midav of Yitzchak is din. The midav of Yitzchak is boundaries. And he said to Esav I love you because I know that you need what I have. You are this mishugana child, kitzayid befiv, the kid that has that boundaryless nature where your word doesn't mean anything, and nobody could trust you. Anything you say, we don't know if it's true or not. Yitzchak says it's dafka me that loves you. Why? Kitzayid b'piv. I see what you need. So Yitzchak had an unbelievable love for Esav. Of course, Rivka loved him too, but it was Yitzchak that loved Esav. Why was it Yitzchak? Because there's such a thing as I'm going to come to you and I'm going to teach you what I have. The same way that Rivka said to Yaakov, I'm going to teach you about the house of Lavan. Yitzchak said, I'm going to teach you about gevura.

22:10 But the Abterav says an unbelievable Torah. The Av of Yisrael says the most unbelievable thing. He says there's another way to read this pasuk. The Torah's the Ramban says that the letters of the Torah are black fire on white fire Which means that not always the way that we classically read the Torah is what the Torah actually means. Sometimes we can put the comma in another place, or we could read it in a way that the simple pshat of the pasuk could be understood one way, but there's also a deeper pshat. Up his side, Ab Darav says an unbelievable tirah. He said that Yitzchak loved Esav. Kitzayed b'fiv. Who was the one that was being kitzayed b'fiv? Yitzchak. That Yitzchak, in a certain way, was using his kaya chadibur to speak to the Rebbeinu Shalom. That Yitzchak, in a certain way, was manifesting with his words something about Esav Arasha. He was saying to the Rebbeinu Shalom And remember, he's the Midas Adim Yitzchak.

23:10 I love this kid. I love him because he's my son. And you might look at this kid and think that he's a mess. But he's my son. And that's what it means to love a son who's a mess. There are children today that are a mess. And it's nobody's fault. We're not blaming Chassidim and the children. We're not blaming the system. We're not blaming anybody. But we're talking. We're talking real. It's a room full of real people, so we'll say a real thing. There are people today that are mamish a mess. They, they, they just For whatever reason in their life, they went through whatever they went through. The Ravonisholm put them in a situation where they're a mess. And you could look at that kid, and you could look at the lowest element, and you could say, that kid is the kid that did this, and that kid did, and he's been doing this since sixth grade. He started doing the summer after tenth grade. Everybody has their. I'm speaking Balasha Naki, but I think everybody knows what I'm talking about. The Haber is that we started doing summer after tenth grade. Everybody, everybody knows in the world where we're holding.

24:10 Any person could look at that kid and say, "You know who that kid is? He's this kid." It's not the way Yitz speaks. Yitzchak loves Esav. Why? Because he's my son. And if he's my son, I'll never stop loving him. I'll share with you a maysa. It's a true maysa. It's a crazy story, but it's a true story. Many years ago, there was a doctor who killed his wife. He had a private plane. He killed his wife. And he took her up on the plane. I don't know if he killed her on the plane or he took the body up on the plane. And he chopped her up, and he dropped her out over the ocean. And he was taken to trial. It was the cover of Time magazine. And he was there was a trial and he was found guilty. Turns out it's my third cousin.

24:59 I was just shocked by the way. You have skeletons in your closet. Skeletons in the ocean. Got actual skeletons. So I was talking to my grandmother, Allah Hafiz And I said, "Grandma, this is our cousin." " She goes, "Yeah. My grandmother was a funny lady. She goes, "Yeah" And his mother thinks he's innocent. And I'm like, 'She's like his mother because I never met these people in my life. They're distant cousins.' My grandmother was making fun of this cousin. She's like, 'She goes around telling people.' They never found the murder weapon, and they never found the body because he threw it out into the ocean. My grandma was the sweetest person in the world. She never had a bad word about anybody. I thought that was amazing. Because even if the jury comes back and they have all the DNA forensic evidence A mother has irrational love for her children.

25:57 He's my son. It can't possibly be that my son would do that. I love my mother. My mother is the most naive woman in the world. A couple years ago, me and my brother sat down with my mother. It was like in my late 30s. My brother was in his mid 30s. We decided to tell my mother everything that happened in high school. You should have seen my mother's. It was like a three-hour conversation on my mother's kitchen table in Beit Shemesh. I felt so bad for her. It was like destroying her whole world. She's like, I thought you were good boys. I said, We were good boys. We just did some things. She's like, really? That you know, like that's what was actually happening. I'm like, mom, you went to England for two weeks when I was 16 years old in the summer, and you left me money. What did you think was going on? She's like, I thought you were going to take care of your brother. I said, I kicked my brother out of the house the moment you guys went to jail.

26:45 You're going to the Bursteins. You're not staying here. She said, I can't believe it. Because that's a mother. A mother sometimes can be, and this is beautiful. A parent could be completely irrational about their child. There's a story I like to tell. One time, my parent-teacher conferences. Some of the chaver probably heard this story from me already. Benyamin's been with me for a long time. He's heard all my stories. But my parent-teacher conferences I knew I was going to get a very bad report. I knew it was going to be very bad. This particular rebbe had it out for me, and for good reason. I embarrassed this rebbe in public, and the rebbe had it out for me. So I started preparing my mother. You do this. You prepare your parents for parent-teacher conferences. I started preparing Like four days before, and I'm like, I heard the school's gonna fire him.

27:33 Nobody likes him. He's not even a good rabbi. We really want to learn. I had every lie going. And my parents saw right through it. Not stupid. And you know I knew it was gonna be really bad. I told my parents that there was a big test coming up. The following night, after parent-teacher conferences, I had to go to my friend Josh's house to study for this test. First of all, there was no test. But I had a good cheshbon. I had a good cheshbon because They come home from parent-teacher conferences, you pretend to be asleep, and then they're only going to see you for 20 minutes in the morning, so you get in trouble for 20 minutes, and then you'll come home the following night. It's usually okay 24 hours later, but this way I'm at Josh's house, so I don't even have to worry about 24 hours later. By the time they're going to see me, it's 48 hours later. I figured that's given them enough time to cool down.

28:27 So I heard the garage door going up. I quickly turned off the television. You guys know what television is? It was like a box. It didn't even have a remote. It had a turning thing that you had to turn off. And I hear the garage door go up. I quickly turned off the television. And my parents come into the room. My father turns on the lights and he goes, "Get up! I know you're not sleeping." But you deny till you die. You gotta live with it. I woke up pretending to be groggy. I'm like, what? Oh no, just because I have a test in two days. I tried to go to sleep early. Ridiculous lies. And I turned over and pretended I was just waking up. It was like nine o'clock at night. And my parents had smiles on their faces. And I'm like, they snapped. It was so bad that they went off the other side, right?

29:18 So I remember my father was standing and my mother sat down on my bed. And they started telling me that this rebbe was saying the worst things in the world about me. He's doing so much drugs and he's drinking like crazy and he's partying like crazy and maybe he needs to go to rehab. And my mother the entire time is like, 'It can't be!' And my father's like, 'Well, maybe,' and my mother's like, 'It can't be!' And five minutes later, the Rebbe is telling her, 'You have to get realistic about what's happening. You have to pay attention because if you get him help now, maybe we could head this off at the pass.' Finally, my mother said after five minutes Just doesn't sound like Matt. I grew up—I didn't grow up overweight with a beard. This is not how I came out of the womb, boys. I grew up as Matt Berg, My mother said it doesn't sound like Matt.

30:16 So the Rebbe goes Your son's Matt. I thought you were Akiva's parents. And the funniest thing is, it was true about Akiva—all the things he was saying. My mother was like this, and then he gave her the best report because he was so embarrassed. He's great. My parents knew he was lying. But there's something very beautiful about that—that my mother was like, 'Mamish, defending me till the end.' Yitzchok, he knew exactly who Esav was. Don't think he didn't know who Esav was. He knew exactly who Esav was. They said to Rebbeinu Shlom, "That's my child." I love him." Kitzayyid befit. He's saying to Rebbeinu Shlom, 'Treat us like I'm treating Esav.' He's a beautiful kid. You're going to look at him and he's this crazy kid. Say there. He's beautiful. By the way, isn't that what we all want to be seen by a father who says, 'Just we're stunning and we're beautiful.'

31:11 Doesn't define us by our lowest moments. Isn't that what everybody in the entire world is looking for? Yitzchok gave Esav exactly what he needed. The parent who is the ultimate parent of boundaries comes to a child and says, "Yes, it's my job in the world to say no." So I could say no to your behavior, but I'll always say yes to you. And Rivka was the same way. That's why even after everything, Esav became a murderer. And he was idolatrous, and he was involved in gilaiarai. It's all the worst possible things. And he married women that gave no nachas to his parents. And there was mamish idolatry in the house. Everything was terrible by Esav. And so much so that Rivka Yitmayo understood that she had to come to take away the brachos from Esav and to trick Yitzchak. Even after all that, what is the Torah said?

32:02 Rivka was the mother of Yaakov and Esav. Not just Yaakov. She was Esav's mother too. That's the shot that I read from Rabbi Bender. After everything, she was Esav's mother too, and that's why the Ger Rebbe says that Rivka imenu. She dressed Yaakov up in the clothing of Esav. From now on, whenever you see somebody on the outside acting like Esav, they're wearing the clothing of Esav. You should know it's Esav on the outside and Yaakov Avinu on the inside. He's Esav on the outside. He's Yaakov Avinu on the inside. I don't you see what he's doing? He's Esav on the outside. He's Yaakov Avinu on the inside. I heard a beautiful story today. I was talking to my friend Chika. And Chika was telling me that when Rabbi Kalish was go, he went to a certain school, and they spoke in the school. Afterwards, the rebbeim wanted to meet with him.

33:01 And a rebbe was saying to Rabbi Kalish He was saying how to deal with boys who are talking during davening. That's a good kasha. How do I deal with boys who are talking during davening? So listen to Rabbi Kalish's answer. This is a mind-blowing, unbelievable, gorgeous answer. He said, "when I go to a restaurant with my wife" It doesn't distract me that other people in the restaurant are talking. I can still talk to my wife. Rabbi, so you hear this answer? He said, "If you're bothered by the person next to you who's talking," It's because you're not focused on the rabbanu shalom. It's a gorgeous answer. Why? Does that mean that people should talk in shul? Does that mean that there isn't the opportunity sometimes to say this is inappropriate? He was saying he's like So you're gonna teach this kid to be the kid who talks in shul.

33:56 That's what you're gonna do. I'm not thinking of this kid in that way. I'm busy talking to the eibushter. Check. I'm telling the story that I'm not getting distracted. I'm talking to my wife in the restaurant. I'm talking to my wife in the restaurant. Everybody else is. I'm not seeing. I'm not seeing kids that way. And that's the big avoda. So you'll say, why are you here in Bergenfield, New Jersey, giving a parenting shmuus to young men who are not yet married? I'm not preparing you, Rabbi Siger, for five years from now and ten years from now. It's the way every one of us needs to see ourselves. Every one of us needs to be, in a certain sense, kitzayit b'fiv. Not only about the person next to us, but also about ourselves. We have to say about ourselves "I am lovable to the Rebbeinu Shlom. I am the ben yachid of the Rebbeinu Shlom."

34:52 That's the most beautiful thing that we could possibly say. I am a ben melech. The love that the Rebbeinu Shlom has for me is infinite. It's unbreakable. Nothing will ever come between me and the Rebbeinu Sholom. You want to know why we're judgmental about each other? It's only because we're judgmental about ourselves. The people that are walking around in the world, the very from people, of course, it has nothing to do with the Rebbeinu Sholom. But the very from people that are looking at other yidden and sitting in judgment of other people, the only reason that they're doing that is because they're in so much pain themselves. And they just haven't processed that pain, and they don't know how to be kind to themselves. They don't know that they're beloved by their Abanu Sholom. They don't know that they have parents who love them unconditionally. And if they would know that, then they would see the world as a beautiful place. It is a beautiful place. This world is the Abanu Sholom's garden. This world is a stunning, gorgeous, beautiful place. You'll say, but there's so much bad things that happen in the world. You're only focusing on the things that are going wrong in this world because of the things that are going wrong in the way that you look at yourself.

35:53 And the biggest bracha that we have is that we should have somebody who looks at us with kindness. David HaMelech was Yafeinayim. The pasuk says. The Alexander Rebbe says. What does that mean? It means he had beautiful eyes. It means he knew how to see people. Is that they tell a story about Refreyfeld Zecharzavik Lavracha? I heard Freifeld said something negative about a boy in Shaiyoshev. And this boy in Shaiyoshev three days later. At a staff meeting, the rebbeim were talking, and a rebbe said the exact same thing that Rif Raifel had said three days earlier—the same negative thing. And this and Rif Raifel turned to this rebbe and he said, "It's not true what you're saying. You should know this boy excels in this particular area." And one of the rebbeim was very confused because all this rebbe did is say exactly what Rif Raifel had said three days earlier. And then he realized that once Rif Raifel had said that negative thing about that Talmud, he went to work on himself. Until he could find that mikud the tovah to hold on to, until he could touch that boy up in a beautiful way, so that boy should be able to be seen through the lens of a rebbe who cares deeply about him, and then the boy will see himself differently.

36:57 Every one of us is acting out our own pain. Every one of us is acting out the way we think we're seen in the world. There are kids that have irrational levels of confidence. They have irrational levels of confidence because somebody loved them into being. You have boys that show up to yeshiva every year. I see these boys that show up to yeshiva, and you think to yourself, "There's no way this guy could become anything." Al piderachatava, there's no way this guy could become anything. Somehow the boy flies. Why? Because he had a rebbe that had rational levels of confidence in him. I said this publicly a couple weeks ago, and I'll say it again. There's a rebbe in our yeshiva. His name is Reb Bloom. Most guys in yeshiva don't know what Reb Bloom says behind the scenes. They don't know Reb Bloom. They think Reb Bloom is a jovial fellow. He's like he's got a smile on his face, like hey, I'm Reb Bloom, like he's like a.

37:48 They don't know that Reb Bloom walks into my office and he goes, Rebberg, I'm telling you, this guy's going to be huge. He could be the next Rav Chaim Kaniewski. I'm like, this guy can't read a gemara. I just don't know what you're talking about. But he has this crazy, insane way of seeing the world. And he's relentless in the beauty for this boy. And it's unbelievable. And it's not the pshat. You shouldn't think that the rebbeim aren't people of gevura. You shouldn't think it's not that they don't know how to say no. I'm speaking out of the voice who came to Mavaser. You'll know exactly what I mean. Rav Ben is both hazelcorns and honorary. Rav Ben is a rabbi who has a midah of gevura And he'll call a boy out. And at exactly the same time, he'll never give up. I've never seen a paradox like this in one person. It's the most unbelievable. People think today that if I'm gonna love a Talmud, I'm not gonna have any boundaries.

38:53 Because I'm a person of boundaries I know exactly how to love you unconditionally. And I know how to say no because I love you unconditionally, and the love is so deep that when I say no, it works. I just say no, and then because you know how much I love you, you live within the confines of those boundaries, and that's what people need, and we need that for ourselves. This is an avoda of being a parent. This is an avoda of being a parent to yourself. And if you want to know how to be matzliach as a parent, be a parent to yourself, and then you'll be a parent to your children. And when we can't parent our children, it's only because we weren't parented ourselves. And because we need to re-parent ourselves, we need to learn to see the world in a beautiful way. And we need to learn to look at the Asav inside of all of ourselves and say, "There's a Yaakov Avinu underneath." And we need to learn to look at the Asavs inside of ourselves and say, "I'm not loved despite the fact that I'm Asav. I'm loved. It doesn't matter who I am. I'm loved by the Rebbeinu Shalom." And sometimes, Taka, I show up in the world as an Asav And Rivka is still my mother.

39:51 And Rivka is still my mother, even though she took away the brachas from me. Rivka is still my mother, and of course I'm going to be mechabit her. I feel terrible. I have to put the blame somewhere. I'm going to murder my brother. My mother loves me. She holds on to the most precious things in my life. She holds on to Nimroch's jacket. I wouldn't trust that with anybody. Not even the women that I love. Not even my wives, because I might love my wives, but I know they're not integrity people. But my mother, she's an integrity person. That's why Asaph doesn't. It doesn't bother Esav when he gets called out by Rivka. It's true. It doesn't bother us when we get called out by integrity people. Kids, kids today, they say a thing: "Don't judge me." First of all Don't tell me what to do. You don't control my inner world. If I want to judge you, I will. You be okay with however I show up in the world, and I'll be okay with however you show up in the world. And if I'm not, that's my stuff.

40:40 But also, the truth is, judgment gets a bad rap. Judgment is actually gorgeous. We want to be judged. If your boss doesn't come, doesn't call you in to evaluate your performance, that means you're not doing a very good job, and he's not making an investment in you. I want my boss to call me in, and I want my boss to evaluate me fairly. I want to see me through the lens of compassion, but I also want to be called out. And if I'm not doing something well, tell me so that I can do it better. But if I don't have that essential foundation that I'm being judged fairly, Then I'm not listening. It could very well be that when Esav Found out that Yaakov took the brachos. It could be that Rivka. I don't know. It doesn't say anywhere. As far as I know, it doesn't say anywhere where the backstory is. We know what I think might have happened. That Esav said to his mother, "What happened?"

41:27 "Rivka Yemenu said, 'It could be.' I engineered this. How come he didn't murder her? Because he knew who his mother was and he knew that his mother was saying 'This was not the right thing for you.' He couldn't handle it. He couldn't take it. He still had to kill Yaakov. But he loved his mother so much, and he knew that his mother was such a fair person that it could be that when he heard that judgment, he said, 'She's takaray.' I'm going to kill Yaakov because I can't take it all the way. I know my mother loved me. She's takaray So it could be mechabit her. It wasn't forced kavod by Esav. It was real kavod. That's why Chazal say that the kavod of Esav was so exceptionally great that even Tanoim couldn't reach the level of Esav. You can't fake that. The only thing you can't fake is authenticity. Kibbutz Avayim has to be authentic. Esav loved his mother, and his mother loved him, and Yitzchak loved his son, and Esav loved Yitzchak.

42:19 And that's our avodah. Every one of us. It's a dar mitzuyan. It's a phenomenal, phenomenal, phenomenal generation. People talk about Yerida Sadoros. I have no idea what they're talking about. And Hamish don't know what they're talking about. Could be that when they say you read the Sedaros, maybe what they mean is that the challenges of the generation, not of the people, but the challenges of the generation are so exceptional. Maybe that's what they mean. Boys, I'm gonna be super honest with you. If I grew up today There's no, and that's why the Rebbeinu Shalom brought me into the world in the 80s. There's no way that I would possibly be from if I was a teenager today. I'd be high all the time. I'd be drunk all the time. I'd be on my phone every second of the day. I'd probably be the biggest NPC in the world. It'd be like. I got Riz. The I'm aura farming all day long.

43:28 It's there's no way I'd be from. There's no way I'd be from. Any Rebbe that's looking at today's kids and sitting in judgment It's his own. It's his own stuff. To be a teenager today and to survive in the world today, any kid that survives, any kid that can make it through a Shabbos can make it through a Shabbos without being on your phone. If a guy has a screen time of ten hours a day And Shabbos somehow he could make it not on his phone. I always wondered about the old days when people smoked cigarettes. The in the old, and I heard it's making a comeback. Makes sense. Everything comes back. Babes, zens, back the cigarettes. Soon we'll just inject the straight cancer into us. Everyone has their way. So it used to be that ere Shabbos you'd see these old yeshivish guys, where the tobacco stains were on their lips and on their beard, they're orange, from the unfiltered cigarettes that embed. Right before Shabbos, you see them smoking.

44:35 But they somehow and they smoke like two packs a day. But Shabbos somehow they didn't smoke. I think maybe, and I never smoked a cigarette in my life. I think maybe, maybe, maybe I could understand that. But if I was on my phone ten hours a day, how could a kid make it through Shabbos? And guys are doing it. And guys are doing it. They're making it through Shabbos. That's an unbelievable thing. Any guy who does that, the nisayon is so unbelievable. How? And this is the message we're going to give this generation. You read the Sedaros. Would any of us have lasted? There's no way we would have lasted. Nobody from my generation would have made it five minutes. It's a dormetsuyon. It's it's an unbelievable dormetsuyon. And we have to know that about ourselves. We have to know that the Rebbeinu Shalom. We're the elite level soldiers. The hardest nesionos are the nesionos that come in the moments right before Mashiach, and we are in the moments right before Mashiach. We are the elite level neshamas that were put into this world to handle the biggest nesionos. Chazal davened that they shouldn't be present in the times of Mashiach because they said the nesionos are going to be so unbelievable.

45:43 They didn't want to be here. They said there's no way we're going to be able to handle these challenges. The Rebbeinu Shlom took the biggest souls in the history of creation, and he said these are going to be the neshamas that are going to bring Mashiach, which means we're going to be the neshamas that go all the way down into Dir Reb Tachtonim. The craziest things. I'm not going to get into details. You could all figure it out for yourself. You look around in the world today. We're talking about the single craziest things in the history of the world that are normal. It's normal. It's normal. It's normal. It's normal today in the world. They elected that lunatic to be mayor in New York City, and he ran on a platform where he said out loud that he stood behind the resistance fighters of October 7th. Only in a lunatic world could thousands of people cross the border and commit barbaric atrocities, the likes of which have not been seen. You're talking about things that are so primal and so tribal. It's like we're living in the Aztecs, back in what you read about in history books. The stuff you forgot after sixth grade.

46:46 And that the world would three weeks later they go, but maybe it's justified. That we live in a world. Do you guys remember there was a minute back in the day? There was a minute, three, four years ago, where it was Americans were kids, college age kids, intelligent, supposedly intelligent young men and women were going maybe Osama bin Laden had a point. What? The world is so backwards that there's not even a normal hashkafa. I'm not even talking about all the psychological dysfunction. There's not a normal hashkafa in the world that somehow you could justify all the craziness. And our neshamas came down here, and our neshamas came to this world, and we're expected to find the rebbe neshamah in this world. And there's going to be somebody that says anything negative about any single kid in this generation. Did you lose your mind? You would have handled this nation.

47:34 You would have handled this nasiyon. For real, you would have handled it. I knew you when you were a kid. And now you're a big rabbi and you pretend to be very firm. But I knew you when you were a kid. You know what I love? Noam is so beautiful. He says, "Can you tell Rabbi it's nine fifteen?" But Wei says, "There's no traffic to JFK." And I know Charlie's taking care of me. You know Charlie. Kvitza Saderach Kvitza Saderach in the sluch of the tzibur. Nobody has permission to say a negative word about this generation. Nobody has permission to say a negative word about themselves. Who are you to treat the precious child of the Rebbeinu Shlom that way? When you speak negatively about yourself, who are you to speak that way about yourself? That's the Rebbeinu Shlom's child you're talking about. A dear friend of mine told me this. I'll end with this because Charlie's telling me it's time to go.

48:31 I'll end with this. A friend of mine said this to me years ago, and I held on to it. It was a gift that he gave me, and I want to give it to you to share, just as friends. I was speaking not nicely about myself. I was being very self-critical. And this friend knows me for a very long time. We were sitting somewhere. I'll never forget. He put his arm around my shoulder and he says to me Could you be nice to my friend Mordechai? I was like, "That's so right. I would never speak that way to anybody else. Why do I ever speak that way about myself? We have no right to speak not nicely about ourselves. We are the precious children of Rebbeinu Shlom. My bracha for everyone here in these final moments for Mashiach is: We should have the courage and the strength to love ourselves into being." To treat ourselves like Rivka and Yitzchak treated Esav and Yaakov, and beseech Hashem to be zeiche, to raise children within ourselves that are capable of loving themselves, loving everyone around them, and bringing the Rebbeinu Shalom into this world only through love. Amen. Let's stay for one more minute. I can't leave so fast.