Toldos - Am I a Fraud?

2:31 And the older one will end up serving the younger one. What's the problem? If you're thinking There's an obvious problem here. Let's unpack this. I'll line it up for you. What was Riffik's question? Lamazanochi. Why am I? What does that mean? We don't yet know. What's the answer to the question? Maybe the answer will give us insight into the question. What's the answer? Twins. Not exactly what the Torah says. What does the Torah say? You have two nations inside of you And the older will serve the younger. How does that answer that question? In other words, not only do we not know the answer, but we don't understand what. I don't understand the question. I don't understand the answer. I don't understand the entire back and forth here. It's not obvious what's going on. Rashi clues us in, and Rashi says, "Any time they passed Yeshiva Shem Ve'Eiver, Yaakov Avinu was trying to get out of her stomach. Any time they passed the Beis Avodah Zara, Esav was trying to get out of her stomach."

3:40 So now, how does that help you? You have two nations inside of you, so that's better. I still have what? I still have an A sub inside of me. You hear the problem? Imagine if, let's say, I'm not saying this is the question, but if the question was why do I have a child inside of me that wants to get out every time I go past the base of Odesara. So the answer is Taka. One of the kids is Hitler. Anybody happy now? Anybody sad? It's like, phew. One of your children is Asav. One of your children is Asav. As a mother, how do you feel? That's a terrible thing. Rivki Yimenu seems to be okay. Rivki Yimenu seems to be okay. So we don't understand the question. We don't understand the answer. And if you continue on in the story, very strange thing. Now what happens? Now we find out it's twins.

4:37 The first one comes out red, full of hair. They call him Esav. And then the younger brother comes out. And what did we already know about the younger brother? He's going to be ultimately what? He's going to be the stronger one. So now we're about to learn something about the younger brother. The younger brother comes out. And the younger one, he's holding on to the heel of Esav. Va'yikro Shemo Yaakov And his name was Yaakov. He's named after what event? Holding on to the heel of Esav. What did we just learn about him a moment ago? This younger son. He's ultimately going to be the victor. What do we name him after? This seemingly inconsequential event that he held on to his brother's heel. Why in the world are we focused on that? What should his name have been? What would you have if you know if you spoke to shame and shame says ultimately this one is going to be victorious over the older one? What would you have named him? Gibor, Victor, right? Netzach, yes, something like that. Here we name him what? Yisrael, that'd be a good name. It turns out it was his name.

5:56 Here we name him after this seemingly minor event that highlights in a certain sense. If we even take it a little bit deeper, it highlights his weakness. He's the second son, and how do we see him? He's like the grabber on, right? He's riding the coattails of Asaph. So what in the world is going on over here? It's a very mysterious story. Until you start to understand the depth of this question of Lamas Anochi, and then the whole thing fits into play. Want to hear? Ready? Everyone? Yes. Good. I have a hatred of devices. Just reminding people that I have a hatred of devices. Just reminding everyone I have a hatred of devices. Goes like this. Rivkei Imenu has a fundamental question. It's a massive question. It's a question that every person in this room has asked. I know I spend my life asking this question.

6:56 The question is this: Why am I this way? Why do I feel? Sometimes I am so spiritual. Sometimes I feel inspired. Sometimes, if I have the opportunity to learn, you can't stop me. I'm running to shir. I'm running to the bais medrash. I'm running to do a chesed. I'm running to daven. There are times where we wake up and we're just in the zone. Maybe we have days like that. Maybe we have weeks like that. Maybe we have months like that. But then we feel maybe not everybody here, maybe just me but also Rivka Imenu, maybe there's times where we feel like an enormous faker. Maybe there are times that we ask ourselves a real question: is this whole thing a joke to me? Because I just heard the she'er and then I just ran to do that avera. I just heard the she'er. I was so inspired and then right after the she'er I mamish did the thing that the she'er said not to do. There was a girl many years ago here in Toma Devora.

7:58 She came over to me after shiur. She said, "Rabbi Berg, I love your shiurim, but I'm not going to be coming anymore." I said, "That's such a strange thing to say." It was classic Talmud Bavli. It's like the exact. So I said, "Like that's such a strange thing to say." She said, "I can't take feeling badly about myself anymore." I said, "I'm so sorry. Are my shiurim making you feel badly?" She said, "No, I love them, but then I go out and do the exact avera every single week. You tell us not to do. I end up doing that avera, and I feel terrible about myself." I said, 'I'm not sure the solution is to leave the shiur, but I understand where you're coming from.' How many of us can relate to that? Don't raise your hands. Simon says. How many of us can relate to that? Yeah. How many of us feel like fakers? How many of us feel like frauds? How many of us feel like one way I'm this way and the next day I'm that way? And I don't know. I don't even know what. I don't even know who I am anymore.

8:47 Maybe maybe the whole thing is a fake. There's a story with the Lubavitcher Rebbe that somebody came to the Lubavitcher Rebbe and said, "I'm not going to shul on Yom Kippur." The Rebbe said, "Why not?" He said, "I don't go to school." I don't go to shul 364 days a year. I feel like a faker if I go to shul on Yom Kippur. The rebbe said, 'You're right. 364 days a year, you're a faker. One day a year, you're real. You should keep going to shul.' But I understand where that guy is coming from. It's hard to show up if you feel like a faker. This is what Rivka said. She said, "I got pregnant." I was so excited, and now all of a sudden I don't know what's going on inside of me. There's something inside of me that's running to the beis medrash. There's also something inside of me that's running That's running to the Beis Avodah Zara. It wants to escape from me. It wants to bring me to Beis Avodah Zara.

9:34 She's not talking about children. What's she talking about? The human condition. Riffkayimenu is speaking to every single Jew throughout history who feels like a fraud, who feels like sometimes I'm this way and sometimes I'm that way. La ma zah nochi. That's her question. That's the Alter Rebbe's pshat. You hear the question? Now that's going to set us up for a completely different answer. And this is the biggest chiddush. All based in Tanya. Yaakov and Esav represent the nefesh Elokes and the nefesh Abahamis. Yaakov represents the godly soul. Esav represents the animal soul. This is what Shame answers her. He says, "You have two nations inside of you. You have two regimes inside of you." Why does that calm her down? Because he's telling her the reason you feel like this way one day and this way the next day, it's not a bug, it's a feature.

10:33 This is not a problem. This is the design of a human being. The design of a human being is to have a bifurcated reality where half of you is nefesh elokis and half of you is nefesh abahamis. And that's not a bug. That's a feature. That's the nature of a human being. Why? Why would Hakadosh Baruch Hu create us that a part of us which is godly wants to do godly things, and a part of us which is an animal wants to do animalistic things? This is Shem's answer. But the question is, why is it that way? So the answer is as follows: Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants that we should build for Him a dira betachtonim. What does that mean, girls? A dwelling place in the world down below. It's out there, Abastirah. If you want to build a dwelling place in the world down below, where do you build it?

11:28 Where's the world down below? Here. That's you. That's you. Every one of us has a part of ourselves that's an animal, a part of ourselves that doesn't have any godliness introduced to it. The goal of Yiddishkeit is to stop being an animal, to rise above your animalistic self, and to become the godly soul that you have inside of you. So you're not broken. The reason why you're running to the Beis Avodah zarah is because you didn't have that part of you. What would you be? How would you have the opportunity to introduce godliness into the mundane aspects of your life? So stop looking at Esav. As an enemy, Esav is an opportunity. The days that you want to run to the base of Odesaro, the place, the days that you want to run to the place where they sell vegetables in the morning. You know which place I'm talking about? There's a place they sell vegetables in the morning. At night, it's not such a good place. Sometimes we have a tayva to go to the place where they sell vegetables. I don't know what goes on there at night. I'm guessing they sell a different type of vegetable. But I had to make sure that everyone got back into it.

12:39 You say, but I feel like such a fraud. I feel like such a fraud. What's the answer? That's not a bug. That's a feature. We can introduce godliness into the animalistic part of ourselves. Rivka says, "Oh" That's amazing. You mean to tell me that I could become a godly person? It's not impressive for an angel to be godly. What's impressive? It's impressive when a human becomes godly. It's impressive when we rise above our baser instincts and become godly people. By the way, this is a huge thing because in the secular world they don't know this. In all the self-help books, you know what they're trying to do? They're trying to teach you to become better animals, more well-behaved, more intelligent animals. That's what all self-help books are. Judaism is not a self-help book. We don't believe in you becoming a better animal. What do we believe?

13:36 You're not an animal. You don't have to be that way. You have a Yaakov Avinu that lives inside of you. I also have an Asav. When you choose Yaakov and you introduce Yaakov into your Asav life, into the mundane aspects of your life, then you're becoming a godly person. You start to hear it a little bit. An intelligent animal, a well-behaved animal. It's fundamentally an animal. But I don't do bad things. But I'm like a well-trained animal. Like if you have a dog, when you bring the dog into your house, initially the dog is not house trained. But you brought the dog to a dog trainer, and now the dog knows that if I need to use the bathroom, I woof and I bow wow until my owner takes me for a walk, and I don't use the bathroom in the house. It's a dog; it's just well trained.

14:26 When you train a child to be toilet trained, he's not just a well-trained dog. You're introducing dignity. You're telling him you are. You're not just an animal. You're a godly soul. Act with dignity. You hear the difference? People think like I have to become a well-trained animal. You're not an animal. You're not animal. This was what Rivka was concerned about. She said, "Wait a second. Am I animal? Am I like drawn to these terrible things because I'm animal? No. You have animalistic part of yourself. So that this way, when you introduce godliness into the animalistic part of yourself, you're building for Hashem a dwelling place down below in yourself. Like, what did Rivka do that she thought she was animal? Because every time she walked by a Beis Avodah Zarah, something inside of her started kicking and said, 'Let's go there.'" You understand? So there was something about her that was drawn to that. Avodah Zarah is about power.

15:22 The difference in Judaism and Avodah Zarah is in Judaism, you're designed to serve, and in Avodah Zarah, it's designed to have power. Think about it. For example, in Judaism. In Judaism, when you daven, what do you daven for? You say, Hashem I need this in order to do your service. We don't daven for things that are not meant to be used in the service of Hashem. So by davening, we're saying, Hashem, I am worthy of this bracha from You because look what I'll do with this bracha to serve You. Idolatry is exactly the opposite. It's power. And by the way, a lot of people misconstrue what tefila is in Judaism. I know Rav Glanz came this week. Glanz is my very good friend. We worked together for many, many years. We know each other for over 20 years now. He's an amazing rebbe. Did he sell us?

16:14 Did you buy a sefer? He has an amazing sefer on tefila. He's an amazing rebbe. It's called the Art of Tefila. Ironically, it's on tefila. Not on art. That's a rebbe joke. Thank you for not laughing. By the way, that pity laugh at the end. Thank you. In davening, a lot of people the way they daven is they go, I don't understand. I davened and I didn't get what I wanted. That's idolatrous. It's not about getting what you wanted. It's about aligning yourself with the will of Hashem and saying, I'm worthy of this bracha because I'm going to serve You with it. It's not a vending machine. And a lot of people think it is. They say, 'What do you mean? I pressed a four. I shuddered like I was having a seizure. How come I didn't get what I wanted?' Because it's not about what you want. That's why we have teenage kids who go, 'Rebbe, can I daven for the Knicks?'

17:09 It's like you don't understand what davening is. If somehow you figured out how you're going to use that Knicks win in the service of Hashem, then yeah. But until you figure that out, that's not what we daven for. Idolatry is about power. It's me manipulating God into doing what I want God to do. Do you realize how dangerous that is? So there was a real part of Rivka that was yearning for power, the animalistic part. Girls, do you know why the animalistic part of ourselves wants power? Because it's afraid of death. Of death. The godly soul is never going to die because it's godly and infinite. But the animal soul is body. It's your human self. So one day your animal soul is going to die, and it says, "I need power to avoid death." That's why, if you look in the world today, what's the difference in leadership today versus leadership back in the day? It used to be even as not that long ago. John F. Kennedy said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." Leadership is meant to serve. Today, what's leadership about?

18:12 It's about power that I have over others. That's why leadership today is so uninspiring. When you have a narcissist who's the and again happens to be a narcissist on our side, but make no mistake about it, he is a narcissist. When you have a narcissist in the White House, you understand this is dangerous for the world to see because we have people in power now that they're not there to use their power to help; they're there for the power themselves. This is an ace of oriented life. This is a very dangerous thing. So Rifki, the man who says, "I can't believe that I have a part of me. That's that animalistic and that desires power because I'm afraid of death." Comes along shame and he says exactly, it's not you, but it is a part of you, and that part of you is meant to be engaged with godliness And that's how you rise above and become a godly person. That's what builds for Hashem a diro betachtonim because now there's godliness in every aspect of your life, not just in your godly parts, but also in your mundane life where you go out to business. That's your ace of life.

19:13 You hear so far so good? How do we practically bring God? I'm coming into it. Excellent. Thank you so much for the aleluyah. I'm going to try to bring it home. Perfectly said. Now let's go to Yaakov Avinu. Yaakov Avinu does a strange thing. He's about to be born Obviously, there's great symbolism to this. And what does he do? He grabs on to the heel of Esav. That is a very strange thing. I'm going to tell you something even stranger now. The Megila Amuko says that by grabbing on to the heel of Esav He extracts a particular soul. There was a soul that was residing in the heel of Esav, and that soul was the heel of Reuakiva. I'm happy to repeat it. It would be helpful to listen. I'm happy to repeat it again. When Yaakov Avinu was born, he was holding on to the heel of Esav.

20:15 The Megala Amuko says, in the heel of Esav, there was a soul, an Ashama. And Yaakov Avinu, by holding on to the heel of Esav, he extracted that soul. Who was that soul? That was the soul of Rav Akiva. Why is it North Dakota? I understand. I will explain. We'll get there. It's a beautiful Talmud Bavara moment. Give me a moment. What's going on? It takes time. Okay. If you know this Megala Amukos, you could already start to put things together in your head, and you're probably already going. So now it makes a little bit more sense that Yaakov Avinu's name is Yaakov. He's named after holding on to the heel of Esav, because he wasn't just stam holding on. He was doing something. It was something very big that he was doing. Obviously, if the soul of Rivkah is in the heel of Esav, it's in the heel of Esav for a reason, and there's a reason that Yaakov Avinu takes it out.

21:07 This needs to be understood on a very deep level. But now we understand why his name is Yaakov. His name is not victory. His name is not Netzach. His name is not Gvura. Even though one day he'll beat Esav, he's named after what appeared to be a trivial event, but is obviously a major event. This is the moment where Rivka becomes Jewish. He was going to be born to Esav, and now instead he's on the other side of the equation. What's the depth of this? Why Rivka? We're going to get to all these things. So it goes like this. Why does Rivka have to trick Yitzchak into giving the bracha to Yaakov Avinu The bracha of Esav? Why does that go to Yaakov Avinu? And not only that. But obviously this is very significant because when the bracha goes to Yaakov, what does Yitzchak say to Esav? Sorry, I already gave it to Yaakov. Meaning, whatever you had, I'm finished. It's not going to be yours. It's already given to Yaakov. Why is that so critical? And Yitzchak, we know who Yitzchak loved.

22:09 Why did Yitzchak love Esav so much? So Yitzchak's name means laughter. But which laughter? Laughter in the future. It's future oriented, which means Yitzchak is the dimension of Olam Habah, like the pasuk says, "As Yomalei Shlokpino." As in the dimension of Olam Habah, then there will be true laughter. Yitzchak is an Olah Tamima. He never leaves Eretz Yisrael, just like in the times of the Beis Hamikdash. Jews will be totally here in Eretz Yisrael. We won't leave Eretz Yisrael. Yitzchak is the bechina of Olam Habah. So the way that Yitzchak sees Esav, this answers your question. The way that Yitzchak sees Esav is as follows. He says, yes, Esav is the animalistic part of ourselves. Esav has the desire for power. But when we introduce godliness into that by doing all these things, for example I have a dollar. That dollar is meant for power. But what do I do with it as a Jew?

23:03 I give that dollar to tzedakah. I use that dollar in order to do a mitzvah. I buy Hanukkah neros. I use that dollar to pay tuition. What happens to the dollar? The dollar undergoes a change. What's the change? It was originally something that yielded power, but now it's designed not for me, but for selflessness. The world starts to undergo a change. Everything in the world starts to shift as a Jew uses the material, sub-oriented world. For godly purposes, you have a car. Somebody's on the side of the road. He needs a trip. You're going that way anyway. What do you do? You stop. You pick him up. You drive him a couple of blocks. Now your car is a vehicle of chesed. You have a home. What do you do with your home? You invite guests. I was just in the most amazing family's house in Chicago. They built their house, Baruch Hashem, and they have a beautiful house. When they built their house, they built a guest suite.

24:02 There's a sliding door, and then there's a room, a bathroom, and a living room just for the guests. When I went, I opened up a bathroom cabinet. I opened up one of the cabinets. I saw they had mouthwash and all these little toothpastes, all these little toothbrushes, combs, everything that a guest can need. It's managed as a guest suite. They had a refrigerator full of water. I showed up on Arab Shabbos. The mother said to me, she said, "You're coming on Arab Shabbos." She said, "We do like a tohameh. We do like a tasting Arab Shabbos. Just tell me when you're coming." I told her when I'm coming. I thought we're gonna have like a little bit of potato, cocoa. What did they put? She put out steak. She put out steak. She knew I was coming. She put out steak. You understand? And I'm thinking to myself, this is a beautiful home. This is a home of Chesed. That's what Yitzchak saw. He loved Esav because he said, I know that you are physical. I know that you're material. You're all hairy. You're all about power. You're red. You're flush with blood. I see the animal in you, but I know that in the times of Olam Haba.

25:00 All that animalistic stuff is going to turn godly, because Jews are going to do mitzvot for thousands of years, and it's going to have this impact on the world that changes the world and makes it godly. What was Yitzchak's mistake? What did Rivka see that Yitzchak didn't see? Rivka saw, because she grew up in the house of Lavan, because she grew up in the house of B'suwa. Rivka was an expert in the material world. Yitzchak was Ola Tamima, but Rivka saw the dangers of materialism and she realized. In order for it to be a real dira betachtonim It can't be this. It can't be that there's. I'm sorry, I'm going to have to. It can't be that there's two. It can't be that there's Yaakov and then there's Esav. It can't be that there's the godly soul and there's the animal soul, and Esav will be by himself and Yaakov will be by himself. She said that's not the way a dira betachtonim gets built.

25:59 A dira b'tachtono only gets built when you have one person. Remember, it's two goyim inside of her; it's two nations inside of her. One person has to be both. So you know what Rivka Yemenu did? She said Yaakov, for you to get the bracha of Esav You need to dress up like Esav. Why do you need to dress up like Esav? So that he could be both. It's not because Yitzchak wasn't going to recognize him, because Yitzchak was blind. So if you want to say that he had to wear the fur, if he's going to touch him, so that it'll feel like it's Asav's. But why did he have to put on Asav's jacket? Girls, you know that Asav had a very special coat. You know where he got the coat from? He murdered Nimrod. If you trace back that coat, according to certain midrashim, that coat was the coat that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave to Adam Harishon after he left Gan Eden. It was a coat that was designed to protect him. It was passed on. It went through Noah. Ultimately, it got to Nimrod. Nimrod was considered a god because of that coat, because it protected him from all the animals. That's what made Nimrod a great hunter. On the day that Avram Avinu died, Esav, who was a very powerful man, killed Nimrod and took the coat. It was that coat that he used to serve his father with.

27:12 That's the. It was his kibud av coat. He would wear that coat for kibud av. He went out hunting. The coat was left behind. Rivka gave it to Yaakov Avinu. By the way, who did Yaakov give that coat to? According to certain midrashim, he gave that coat to Yosef. That's why Yaakov was very confused when they said Yosef was killed. He said by an animal, right? It didn't make sense to him because that coat was designed to protect you. That's why Yaakov never 100% believed that Yosef was dead, which is why he could never stop mourning. It's cool how Torah works out. And that is our second Talmud Torah moment for the evening. Continuing on because we don't have much time left and I want to make sure to get to everything. As it fades into the distance Meila, we can understand that Rivka Yimenu she wasn't just dressing Yaakov up. What she was doing?

28:10 She was giving him Asaf. She was saying, "You have to do the whole job." So now, who did Yaakov marry? Who was Yishaech to marry? Leah, because who was Leah supposed to marry? That's our third one. Leah was supposed to marry Esav, and how does Leah marry Yaakov if Leah was supposed to marry Esav? What's the answer? She married the part of him that was now Esav's dick. One second, it gets a little bit better. Who does Yaakov Avinu marry first? Marries Leah. Why? Who's older? What does Lavon say? In our community, the older one gets married first. Meaning the part of you that's Esav has to marry the part of you that has to marry Leah because that's the shidduch that comes first. Only afterwards you'll get to Rachel. Who did Yaakov Avinu learn from? All that time before this whole thing happened, who did he learn from?

29:01 He didn't learn in Yeshiva Shem Be'ever until when? Until he was running away from Esav, and then he learned in Yeshiva Shem Be'ever before he went to the house of Laban. Who was he learning by before that? He was learning by Yitzchak. Why was he learning by Yitzchak? Because up until that time, what was Yaakov Avinu? He was a pure, godly soul. So he was learning from Yitzchak, who's that dimension of Olam Habah. He's pure Olam Tamei. Yaakov and Yitzchak naturally went together. But now that Yaakov Avinu is going to go to the house of Lavan, who does he have to learn by? He can't learn the Torah of Yitzchak anymore. He has to learn the Torah of Yeshiva Shem Ve'Ever because that's the Torah of Galus. That's the Torah of how to come out of the Mabul. Immediately he goes down to Lavan, and what does he do? The entire time by Lavan, he's in Lavan Garti. V'tayag mitzvah shamarti. So he goes out into the material world, Yaakov, and he does exactly what Esav was supposed to do. He goes into the lowest place and he reaches the highest levels. When he confronts Esav, and Esav wants to kill him, what does he say? You're not going to be able to kill me. In love on garti, v'tayag mitzvah shamarti. You can't kill me because I've fulfilled your mission. Which part of Yaakov Avinu does Esav try to bite?

30:07 His neck, meaning he tries to separate his godly soul, which is in his mind, from his animal soul, which is in his body, but he can't break the neck because Yaakov Avinu is totally integrated. His Yaakov and his Esav go together. Maimla, Esav breaks all of his teeth because he says, "I can't possibly attack you." That's why they made peace because Yaakov Avinu did what Esav never could. Now we understand why Yaakov Avinu has to hold on to the heel of Esav. And which soul does he take out? The soul of Rivkah. What did Rivkah say? He said, "When I was younger, I hated Talmidei Chachamim." If I saw a tame chacham, I would want to bite him in the ankle like a donkey and break his bones. Isn't that an interesting thing? He would want to bite him where in the heel, and break his bones. Meaning, what's bone? Bone is your etzem. Meaning, Rivkah knew about himself when he was younger that he had that Asav component. He was identified with the heel of Asav. What does that mean? Yaakovinu says that dimensionally, the lowest level of the hierarchy is the first level.

31:10 Is going to become Rav Kiva. Girls, what does the Gemara say about Rav Kiva? When Moshe Rabbeinu was receiving the Torah, he saw all the crowns on the letters. And he said, 'What do these crowns mean?' Hashem says, 'Don't worry, somebody one day is going to darshan from these crowns.' He says, 'Can I see him?' It's Rav Kiva. He said, 'Sure.' They travel into the future. They sit in the eighth row of the beis medrash, and Rav Kiva is darshaning all these tagn. And Moshe Rabbeinu says, 'What was that?' He's explaining what all the crowns on the Torah mean, and even Moshe Rabenu doesn't know what he's saying.

31:38 And Moshe Rabenu says to Hashem, why don't you give the Torah through him? Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, I have a reason. But Rav Akiva reached an even higher level. On a certain level, he reached an even higher level than Moshe Rabenu. That's why the Medrash says that Rav Akiva, Moshe Rabenu wanted Rav Akiva to take Klal Yisrael out of Mitzrayim. Because Moshe Rabbeinu said, I only reached the forty-ninth level, so I can only take them out of the forty-ninth level of tuma. What do we say in the Hagada? If they would have stayed in for one more moment, they would have fallen into the fiftieth level of tuma; they would have been destroyed. So Moshe Rabbeinu says, I can only take them out of the forty-ninth level, so we have to take them out a little bit early. Since we have to take them out a little bit early, now we have gullus for thousands of years because we have to finish off that last little bit of Mitzrayim that we never did. If you'll take Rav Akiva can take us out even of the fiftieth level of tuma because he reached the fiftieth level of bina. That's what the Medrash says.

32:24 So Rivakiva, who is on the lowest level, he's the heel of Esav, ends up reaching a level that, on some level, is even higher than Moshe Rabbeinu, who is able to darshan the crowns on the letters. It's even higher than Moshe Rabbeinu, and Moshe Rabbeinu himself can't understand this. Do you realize the unbelievable genius of the Torah in describing to us that Yaakov Avinu held onto the heel of Esav? It's foreshadowing that one day Yaakov Avinu will literally take the lowest dimensions of Esav, integrate them into himself, and who will come out from that? Rav Kiva will come out from that. So this story is an unbelievable story, and we'll finish with this because this story is really about what? It's about every one of us. Let's go through the three steps. Step one: We feel like frauds. I know myself. Sometimes I'm into it. Sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I'm very proud of myself. Sometimes I do things that I'm not proud of myself. Step number two: You have to know. That's a feature, not a bug.

33:22 Because if you didn't have those parts of yourself, how would you ever rise above your animal and introduce godliness into every aspect of your material life? Step three, you should know that it's those lowest parts of yourself, the parts that you're most deeply ashamed of, the parts that are driven for power, that the lowest aspect of Asav's heel that you have, you should know that's where your greatest strength is. The Rivakiva that's inside of every one of us only comes when we access the lowest dimension of Esav's heel, and then we can turn that around and that's how we become great. It's not an accident. It's not an accident that you see some Talmidei Chachamim. Not everybody's like this, but some Talmidei Chachamim, when they were kids, were unbelievably psychotic. Brain damaged? Not like that. I want you to know. When I was a Bacher, I once went to visit the Mir, and I was walking through the Mir, and I was Nespol. That guy was the captain of Haftar basketball. That guy was the captain of MTA hockey. All these guys—they had power. They had unbelievable juice to them. All they needed to do was turn it in the right direction. Some of those guys became the biggest Talmidei Chachamim.

34:30 Why? The good boys—they're good. They're good. Maybe they're even great. But when you access the power of the lowest dimensions of yourself and you use that to catapult yourself to greatness, that's the Rivkaiva. Don't be afraid of the darker, more shadowy parts of your life. You should know that's where your light is, that's where your greatness is. Girls, it's hard because we're embarrassed of these parts, but we can't be. It's the cracks that let in the light. Girls, have a wonderful Shabbos.