Toldos - Limitless Potential

2:32 Esav's life begins from the perspective of deficiency. And therefore work is exhausting. Yaakov's life begins from the place of essence. And therefore, his effort is rejuvenating. It doesn't diminish him. He stays in a state of serenity. What's the difference? The difference is as follows: If I'm coming from a place of lack in my life If I'm not enough Then any effort that I put in is in order to become enough. So there's an exhaustion type of quality that exists there. Because fundamentally, who's the you that's doing the work? The you is a deficient you. There's something wrong with me So I need to become something better. So the entire time that you're working, what's your consciousness? I'm not enough And therefore the work itself, even though you might be accomplishing tremendously, doesn't. Doesn't make you feel any better about yourself because fundamentally I'm a broken vessel And I have to become something because I'm so broken.

3:48 Think about it like maybe a good muscle for this. And again, we're just starting out on this, but think about it like: imagine you have somebody who grows up very poor And the entire time that they're growing up poor, what are they promising themselves? One day I'm going to be rich. And one day I'm gonna give my children the life that I was never able to have. Or a kid that grows up and he's never very good in school and he feels like a loser, and he promises himself that in life he's gonna be a winner. So fundamentally, what's his baseline? His baseline is I'm not enough. I'm broken, and the whole goal in life is to be less broken than I was before. This explains a very deep thing. Why is it that the kid who grew up poor When he becomes wealthy, it's never enough for him.

4:46 You know what I mean? People like that grew up poor and now they have millions, but they can't stop working. They can't stop working. They're addicted to it. Why? You were poor, but say there. Now you're not poor anymore. You got fifty million dollars in the bank. Sell. Be done. Go on vacation. Why can't they do it? Because there's something about their lifestyle that creates a horizon they'll never reach. No matter how much money I have—50 million—but somebody else has 100. I have 100 million, but somebody has 200. I have 200 million, somebody has a billion. And it's exhausting because I'll never actually be able to arrive anywhere. Does this make sense? Because what does arrival begin with? Arrival begins with the notion that, in a certain sense, I'm already okay. I don't need to be more than I am. I'm already enough. And because I'm already enough I can be satisfied with what I have.

5:47 As opposed to the kid who grows up with nothing Because he knows about himself that he's a nothing, he's never going to be okay with whatever he has. It's never going to be enough for him. Does this make sense? Questions, comments, reactions. We're doing good so far. I know it's sharpman. This is a lot of psychological language here. It's easy to communicate these ideas to you. Before we get to the solution, let's first acknowledge the challenge. When Esav Harasha says, "Hine Anochi Holech Lamos," what does he mean? He means I am going to die. So what is his fundamental condition? His fundamental, how does he see the world? When Asav looks out at the world, he says You can't be enough in this world because you can't be immortal. A human being, by definition, is lacking; they're deficient. So the perspective of death for Asav It's not just one day I'm going to die. I'm not enough because I'm going to die today.

6:51 So today, what do I have to pursue? Becoming enough. But because I'm pursuing becoming enough, what will I never actually be? I'll never actually be enough. Wait, could you repeat that? Because Esav lives with the perspective of death. One day we will all die. He's not saying something about what's going to happen in 120 years from now. He's talking about today. Today, what is my perspective about my life today? A human being is fundamentally deficient. None of us are enough. None of us live forever. So the entire life that Esav has is to try to become enough, to try to conquer, to become enough. But that's exhausting. That's an exhausting life. So what does he do? He's exhausted. He comes. He goes out to the field. What does Rashi say that he's doing? By the way, when he goes out to the field He's killing people. Why is he killing people?

7:52 And by the way, that even though about Esav, it was physically true that he was killing people. Lots of people kill people. We'll discuss that in a second. He was exhausted from his work because his work was trying to become enough. And that work is not satisfying. Why do people kill people? Some people kill people physically. But some people go into business to kill people. It's this competition. It's not like a healthy businessman goes into business and they say. You have a product. I need to buy a product. Let's get a win-win here. I'll give you a healthy amount of money. You'll give me a working product. What if somebody shows up to a business deal and they say I want to get the maximum amount of money out of you. That's not a win-win anymore. That's how much can I take from you? It's a certain type of murder. It's not what's fair and what's equitable. It's how much can I get? A lot of people show up to the field of business. Esav Arasha goes out into the field. A lot of people show up into the field of business, not looking to engage in healthy business relationships, but how can I take you for all that you're worth? I want to give you the minimum product for the maximum amount of money. Of course, that's not a healthy way of doing business.

9:06 Somebody who lives with a culture of enough, which is the culture of Yaakov Avinu, they show up to business very differently. Esav Arasha, who lives with the consciousness of death, goes out into the world, and what does he bring with him? Death. And what's at the end of that death? Exhaustion. Yaakov Avinu is exactly the opposite. Yaakov Avinu, the Gemara in Tanya says, Lo Mase. Yaakov Avinu never died because he lives from the perspective of the neshama. Now I'm starting to answer your question. Since Yaakov Avinu lives from the perspective of the neshama, what does the neshama already know about itself? It's perfect. It's perfect. It's complete. I don't need to be anything other than I am in order to be me. The only thing I need to do is self-actualize. Because I am already awesome. Now I want to bring that awesomeness out into the world.

10:00 So when Yaakov Avinu works, what's the nature of his work? The nature of his work is serene. Because he's not living with a bottomless pit of self-esteem. There are some people that no matter how many compliments you pay them, they'll just never feel good about themselves. Yaakov Avinu is the type of person who knows how to receive a compliment because he knows fundamentally about himself. I am okay just as I am What's the curious paradox of change? Only when I accept myself as I am can I actually begin to grow. Yaakov Avinu understands. I'm an oak tree. Right now, I'm an acorn. But an acorn does not get exhausted when it's becoming an oak tree. It's simply becoming that which it naturally is. So Yaakov Avinu is the personality of B'keish Lechev B'shalva. He seeks a life of serenity because that's his natural state. His he wants his outside world to mirror his internal state. The internal state of Yaakov Avinu is, I don't have to become anything other than I am Because I am already enough.

11:08 So when confronted with Esav's exhaustion, what does Yaakov Avinu say? You shouldn't have the birthright. It's not for people who are to be a bechar in Klal Yisrael. To be a leader in Klal Yisrael starts with the baseline of dainu. And if you're exhausted by this, then it's not going to work. Does that make sense? The leadership position of the bechar, taking on the role that Hashem says. This is what Klal Yisrael is here to do. Requires from us the consciousness of I will never die. The soul never dies. The soul is you before you were embodied in a body, and it will be you after you leave your body. The soul does not change because it came into a body. It just has the ability to bring its soulfulness into the world. So Yaakov Avinu lives from the perspective of I am enough. You asked me before. How do we make the change in our life to stop being so exhausted?

12:10 If you're exhausted doing the work That means something is off. You have a consciousness that I am fundamentally deficient. We have to learn how to shift our consciousness to 'I am already enough,' and now I'm going to do the work. I'll give you a practical example of this. Imagine someone went to a therapist's office. So they do a lot of really great work in a therapist's office. They really come to some unbelievable understandings of themselves and some really important shifts in their life. How do they walk out of that therapist's office? They cried. They did some inner child work. It was a painful process. When they walk out, how do they feel? There's something deeply satisfying about the work that they did. There's a real sense that that was amazing. And they might be. Tired in the sense that they might need to unwind a little bit, right? Because that's a lot of work to do, but they're not. It's not debilitating in any way, right? Because fundamentally, the reason why a person goes into a therapist's office is because they say, "I am worthy of being able to make the changes in my life that are going to help me be more aligned with my true self."

13:29 So, in the context of a great therapist who's giving you that unconditional positive regard. That feeling of safety in their office, that feeling of safety that you can be who you are, even if you have to confront some hard truths about yourself. There's a sense of serenity while you're doing it. That's why if you don't feel safe in a therapist's office, you don't ever really do the work. In fact, so much of the work is even if you didn't do any work, it's just the safety that you feel in that space. Because what does it mean to feel safe? To feel safe means that I know that I'm enough. You ever hear a she'er from a rebbe who makes you feel like you're not enough? That was interesting to watch. Sometimes I say something and then I survey the territory. Pursed lips, eyes that look down, smirks, eyes that quickly look to the side to see if the other girl looked at me. It's fascinating to watch.

14:31 What's so disconcerting about a she'er like that? The Torah that he said might have been true. He might have given you an important lesson. What's so disconcerting when somebody shows up to a room and makes us feel less than? It's because it brings up this consciousness of deficiency. When you walk out of an amazing she'er, you don't feel exhausted. What do you feel? You feel inspired. You might be tired because it's late at night. Isn't that like any other she'er though? So if the mussar shir is delivered well Then it's not. It's not been my experience. Baruch Hashem, I was blessed to have rabbis who were artful in the mussar that they delivered. They could let us know that there was an area that we needed to work on, but we needed to work on it because we were godly. So it's like we weren't living up to our truest alignment.

15:25 So the way they delivered the message wasn't just a kitschy feel-good thing. They said, 'You are here, and your behavior has not yet caught up to your truest self.' This is what it would look like to lead a more aligned life. As opposed to, 'You guys and your blah.' Fill in the blank. And this generation, 'Yerida Sadoros,' blah. If you think about it, what type of mussar is it to say 'Yerida Sadoros' Like? You guys are the worst generation in history. But don't worry, because your kids will be even worse than you. And they're like, so what? So what do we expect if we tell people you're the worst generation in history? What do you think is going to happen? They're going to start to play. They're going to start to believe that they're the worst generation in history. We shouldn't. And I hope that you don't have people in your life that are giving you mustard like that. And if you do, then I hope you'll treat those people with kindness and compassion because they're hurt and they may not realize it.

16:30 Baruch Hashem, I was very blessed to have wonderful rabbis. And you might go back to those rabbis that are saying those things, and you might say, "Rab Berg said, 'No, please don't do that.'" Please don't do that. They're wonderful people, but maybe they don't realize how they're showing up in the world. I'm a little confused because I'm a little confused too. That is a phenomenal Phenomenal question. If Esav was so deficient, how was he so good at Kibud Avim? In fact, he was so good at Kibud Avim that Yaakov Avinu was afraid to confront him because since he went away for all those years and lived in the house of Lavan. He didn't have the ability to fight off Esav until Yosef HaTzaddik was born, and that's a big Torah. It's a phenomenal question. Not for now. That's an entire shear by itself. How was Esav such a big rasha able to be zayich to kibud avayim? And not only that, he was zayich to kibud avayim, which means that his head ended up in the maras hamachpelah, which means that Esav, on some level, had a role to play. Give you a little bit of an answer now, but not a big answer.

17:44 Esav's kibud avayim came from the fact that his parents loved him unconditionally. So that was the only mitzvah he was really able to do authentically. It didn't really come from him. It really came from the fact that Rivka and Yisroch were such amazing parents to him. Since they were such amazing parents and they loved him so deeply, the covered was natural. But to actually relate to Hashem and to do that work, he wasn't able to do because fundamentally he was deficient. What a stunning, gorgeous, amazing, beautiful question. I want to highlight a deeper level now. If I already know that I'm enough And I already know that I'm a godly soul that will not die. Before I was born, I was me. Now that I'm born, I'm me. And after I die, I will still be me. Here's the paradox: Once you acknowledge that you're already enough.

18:41 You could become the impossible. What's the question? Wait. No question. Just a statement. Just a statement. I'll say it again. I'll say it again. If I start off with a baseline that I'm enough And I go to work. What's possible is for me to become more than I naturally am. Because I'm so identified with my soul And my soul is infinite. From the perspective of the soul, I am not limited. So from the perspective of the body, you can only become perfect to a degree. Think about the Greek culture. What's the Greek culture really all about? Greek culture is a body. But perfect your body, right? Become Hercules, be the ultimate, the ultimate man of strength. How strong can you actually be? Even if you become one of these, they have these guys in strongman contests. You ever see them? See these videos on YouTube where they're like.

19:45 Pulling a plane That's pretty amazing. That a human being could be strong enough to pull a plane is incredible. But when you think about it, it's still limited. So I'm saying that I can lift, I can only bench press 200 pounds, and you can bench press 400 pounds, and you can literally carry a plane. That's incredible. It's the most incredible achievable thing. It's still within the realm of the possible. When a person lives from the perspective of the soul They can become the impossible. They could go beyond what's natural for them. And so this is an unbelievable thing that we see. When a person lives from the perspective of Yaakov Avinu Yaakov Avinu got to a stage where Rashi and Taina says when the Gemara says lo mes, some people understand that to be metaphorically lo mes. Rashi says literally Yaakov Avinu did not die. The pasuk says that Yaakov Avinu died.

20:50 How could Rashi say that Yaakov Avinu literally didn't die when the pasuk says that Yaakov Avinu died? Rashi says it never really happened. It was all a trick. Yaakov Avinu never really died. Now girls, let's unpack them for a second. Is it possible for a human being of flesh and blood to become immortal? But you're really answering my question by saying it's impossible. It's impossible for a human being. I'll explain what I mean in a second. It's impossible for a human being to live forever. How could a human being live forever? Eventually, your heart's going to stop. It's true. From the perspective of the body, there's limitations. Once you move out of the perspective of the body, all of a sudden, what starts to happen? The impossible becomes possible. So yes, Eliyahu Hanavi, Serach Bas Usher, Yaakov Avinu. In other words, if the soul is limitless, then what happens is we break free of what we ordinarily feel are our natural constraints.

22:00 So Esav is exhausted. Why? Because he says I'm inadequate, and all I'm trying to become is adequate. What does Yaakov Avinu say? Yaakov Avinu says, effort reveals not only who I truly am. Effort reveals even what I'm, what would normally be impossible, all of a sudden becomes possible. So the effort that I put in is rejuvenating and inspiring because as I put in that effort, the layers of the possible unfold, and actually the impossible becomes possible. So let's say for example A young woman comes to—I don't know—I'll make up a seminary, the Benot Torah Institute of Jerusalem, Israel. Making up a seminary. There's no such seminary. There's a seminary called Sharfman's. There's another place. We'll make it up. The Benot Torah Institute. And if the girl goes to BTI, The Jerusalem branch of BTI. She might come in and she might say, and I'm sure you've seen this before, not with girls like yourselves, but girls who go to BTI, that a girl comes in and she goes I would never be able to reach that level.

23:18 So let's say you have a girl who comes in Shana Alef and she says You don't understand. Maybe I could stop doing X, Y, and Z, but I'll never be able to become A, B, and C. And then you have some mechanechet, some rakaze, some rebbe who says, "What do you mean? Look around at all these BTI girls that twenty, thirty years later they became A, B, and C." What does the girl say? That's for them, Rabbi. You don't know who I am. I would never be able to actually become that you're describing. It'd be the craziest thing. It's impossible. You just don't know me. And over time, what starts to happen in this fictional seminary called BTI All of a sudden The girl in September who said she'll never become A, B, and C by January is already A. And maybe she's even a little afraid because it's like Once you become A, maybe the possibility of B starts to become like right around the corner, right? And then maybe by Pesach time, she becomes B, and she says, "Okay, but I would never go shana bet. I'm not talking to anybody in specific. I don't even know who I'm talking to."

24:41 Fictional seminary. I would never in BTI. I would never go shana bet. And then all of a sudden she goes shana bet, and then somebody comes and says why don't we evaluate this aspect of your life? And all of a sudden, the girl who swore to herself in September that she could never become that—it's impossible—and it was. That's the thing. She wasn't wrong in September. In September, it really was impossible. In September, she had a great fat ceiling. And there was nobody—that wasn't a fat joke about BTI. There's a great big ceiling. And it's like you can never break through that ceiling. Because I know who I am. But all of a sudden, now she's shunabed, and all of a sudden, the things that she swore to herself she would never become—not only are they possibilities, they're things that she's actually living. And now all of a sudden, she's making decisions, and she's thinking in a very healthy way, she's starting to say to herself Maybe the life that I never thought I would have All of a sudden, it becomes a possibility.

25:40 How does the impossible become possible to her? There were other girls that went to BTI that didn't happen to. It's because once you shift into the perspective of the soul, once you shift into the perspective of the limitless You have no idea who you could become. And now you're on an adventure And you should know, and I think you do, you girls do know that there is an unbelievable adventurous quality to this journey that you're on. Because if you look back on Yerushalayim It was very clear what you were going to do. Remember that it was very clear. I'm going to come in September and I'm going to come in October, November, December. And now all of a sudden, at some point The ending of the story got dropped And now you're still in your choose-your-own-adventure mode. I could do any of these choices. And that's very scary. On the one hand, that might be very vulnerable because you might be going How do I know where this actually takes me? I don't want to end up overweight with a beard. I'm not saying I'm not. I'm not talking to you now. I'm talking to me. You think when I was 18 years old, I thought this is going to be my life? Not at all. Wasn't like if you're Matt Berg from the Five Towns, you're not sitting there one day thinking like

27:06 "This is going to be your life." That's not the way it's scripted, right? Because we all started off with a script. I'm going to say an extreme thing now, and I don't mean it as extremely as I'm going to say it. We say extreme things to get people's attention. I'm only saying it to get your attention. I certainly don't mean it this way. But isn't a script a little bit of a form of death? Isn't it like somebody wrote out for you exactly the hamster wheel that you're supposed to be on in your life And then you just have to stay on that hamster wheel long enough and then you're a good girl. And there's no adventure to it. And I'm not saying that it's a bad script. It might be a wonderful script. It might include a lot of really good things. Why is it that the people living within that script feel a little bit like life is exhausting, like there's nothing, like they're not getting the sense of fulfillment that they were yearning for? And by the way, when you talk to these people, they're like, yes, something is missing. I was talking to a Talmud last week who I respect very much.

28:00 And he was saying I'm doing everything that I should be doing, but something is missing. I don't feel like I'm challenging myself. So I said, what would be an area that you could challenge yourself in that would feel really meaningful to you? I love that he said, 'I really have to think about it.' He didn't just give me a standard, pat answer. There's something exceptionally valuable about And not because of throwing everything away for the sake of throwing everything away. There's something exceptionally valuable about embracing an expansiveness that you didn't previously have, where all of a sudden there are options in front of you, and life becomes a choose-your-own-adventure, and you don't know where it's going to take you. And maybe a part of you thinks that's scary, but maybe a part of you thinks that's amazing, right? Maybe the life you never allowed yourself to dream of having now starts to become a possibility. That's a very inspiring concept.

28:58 So Yaakov Avinu and Esav are fundamentally different. Esav says, 'I can only be up to here, but eventually I'm going to die.' What does Yaakov Avinu say? I'm limitless. Your perspective of death doesn't apply to me. I have no idea what I could become. Life is this incredible choose-your-own-adventure because who knows what could come next? I'm not stuck. I'm not bound to anything. So when Yaakov Avinu puts an effort every single day, it reveals another dimension of himself that he never previously thought possible. And by the way, that's why some girls come to seminary and they grow, but it doesn't feel rejuvenating because the growth that they do, it just looks like this. It's like, of course, I was on this step and now I'm on this step and now I'm on this step, and it feels very linear. And because it feels very linear, it stops to be exciting. It's like natural. Like the acorn becomes an oak tree. You know what's exciting when the acorn becomes an olive tree, and everybody's sitting there going, "How did an acorn become an olive tree?"

30:00 The only way that an acorn can become an olive tree is if it stops believing that it's an acorn. So we all grew up with this limiting belief system that I can only ever become this. But what if it's not true? What if there's something exceptionally special inside of you, but you never had the courage to believe in your own limitless possibilities? Now all of a sudden growth gets exciting, because once I start to once I throw away the ending, and now today I learned something about myself that. It involved this process that was very complicated, but once I learned this about myself, it's like, whoa! Where can I go from here? Yeah. Okay. Tell me if I'm wrong, but it kind of sounds I don't know if you're wrong, and by the way, even if you ask a question, I'm confident that I won't know if you're right or wrong. It kind of sounds like you're saying that we all start off as Asav and then become Yaakov.

30:50 Or we have a part of ourselves that's Asav. We have a true self that's Yaakov. And we have a choice of which way to live. So then, how come it didn't work for Esav? How why didn't he change? That's a very powerful question. Because really the reason why Yitzchak loved Esav is because he understood that Esav had the capacity to join together with Yaakov And both the finite and the infinite were joined together. For whatever reason, which again is very complicated, who knows why it didn't work out? But Esav didn't, and so at the moment that he went on that murderous day, and he was ayef and he was exhausted, and he embraced the culture of death. Yaakov Avinu understood that the mission now could not be in two people; it had to become one. So he buys the birthright from Esav, and now in Yaakov Avinu we see both things. Yaakov Avinu takes on the role of Esav, living within the finite world. But transcending the finite world, and that's why. What does Yaakov Avinu become? Different than Avram Avinu. What does Avram become Avraham?

31:57 Sarai becomes Sarah. What does Yaakov Avinu become? Something completely different. Isn't that interesting? Avram Avinu has a little bit of a change. It's an important change. Sarai has a little bit of a change. It's an important change. Yaakov Avinu goes from being one person. He gets a completely new name. By the way, when does he get it? When he argues, when he fights with the Malach of Esav. That's the Malach of Esav that renames him, because he's able to transcend those limitations. So back to before about how growing and growth, there's a script and that. I feel like I know this isn't what you meant. At least I don't think it is. But maybe. But then no. Where do goals come in then? Very. Then you're just like if you don't have something to reach. You always have to reach towards something, but when you have a goal, it becomes linear, and you're just getting there.

32:53 It's a beautiful thing to have a goal of self-actualization. There's a difference between a goal that's a destination to reach and a goal that's a process. I'll explain what I mean. Let's say a girl comes to me and she says, "I have a goal that I'm going to Davin." Shachris and Mincha every single day, or Shachris, Mincha and Maariv every single day. That's a goal. That's a destination. So she does it for a week, and she feels good about herself. And then she does it for a second week, and then she feels good about herself. And then what starts to happen? She does it for a third week, and now it's become by rote. She does it for a fourth week, and now all of a sudden I don't know. I have to wake up at night and realize that I didn't daven Maariv or I'm davening mincha on a bus because I just have to get it in because I've got a good streak growing. What if you had a goal that wasn't destination oriented but was process oriented?

33:51 What if your goal wasn't to daven three minyanim a day? What if your goal was to be more engaged in your davening? So do you see how you might reach the same place, but it's going to be a completely different process because the goal of being more engaged in your davening. Tefila is not something you do. Tefila is something you are. Tefila is a state of being. I think that's why most of us have such a hard time with davening Because davening for us is a performance. It's not an expression of our essence. If I was a davener, if that's my identity, that I am davening, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to daven. And by the way, how am I going to daven? With intention. With consistency, with patience. And as a result, the result is going to be there. Same result, but the process is much more exciting.

34:49 Because when I'm learning something about davening, when I open up a siddur, what am I really learning about? I'm really learning about myself. Right? So the fact that like I'm I'm reaching limitless horizons within myself, Does that make more sense? Do you see why that will never become by rote? The process of becoming is very exciting for us. The process, not just I've done something, but I'm becoming something. That remains very exciting for us. It's a koyachah chidush. So far, so good. Take this to the next level now. How do you know if you're living a life that's Esav limited or Yaakov limitless? It's not only if you're tired. There's another feature of it. The other feature is What type of pleasure do you pursue? Long-term pleasure or short-term pleasure? Are you a connoisseur of pleasure, Or do you seek immediate gratification? What's the difference between immediate gratification and long-term pleasure? It's the difference between a tomahawk steak and a fast food burger.

36:02 I'll explain what I mean. Baruch Hashem, I lost a lot of weight, but I like food. I think food is a great drug. Food is an amazing drug. B T I, they like food. Food is an amazing food. Food is delicious. Hashem created a delicious world. A good fast food greasy burger. Talking about like And especially if you like, there's some fast food places they know how to do burgers right. Talking about where it's not just a burger, but they have today you can get a cheeseburger with bacon on it in Jewish stores. They have the fake vegan cheese that you can't tell the difference and they have the pastrami bacon and you look like a guy. You get the bun and the lettuce and the tomato and the fried onion and it's dripping and you can't put it in your mouth fast enough. You know what I'm talking about.

37:00 When I was in America just now, I went to a restaurant in Muncie called Fireside. Anyone ever been to that restaurant? I went. My mom's friend's husband is the owner. Dog walker. Great. The last name starts with the letter. I Ruskin is the maiden name. So one of the owners of Fireside invited me to come to Fireside for dinner. So I went to Fireside for dinner. I wish I could show you the video. It's not appropriate to show you now. I'll show you after share. This was a special tomahawk steak. And it takes time. It comes out on a hook. I'm talking about where they hook it and the chef comes to the table to cut it for you. Wow, and kind of shine a light on and he cuts it, slicing and then does that move with the salt, the salt bay, like that.

37:53 And I'm eating this steak, and I think it's a delicious steak. You have to wait a little bit longer for it. But there's something about it that's extraordinary. Yaakov Avinu, he gets the birthright for what? For shtickel chulent For a bowl of lentil soup. How does Esav relate to it? That's pleasure right now. I don't know what's going to be tomorrow. Tomorrow I might be dead. I want pleasure right now. I don't have time to wait for a tomahawk steak. Give me the fast food burger. Now this is a muscle, obviously, for life. There are people that are willing to eat the fast food burger because they're terrified that there's no future. You know what I mean? And that's with everything. It's in relationships. They don't know how to let a relationship unfold. They don't choose the long-term healthy relationship. They choose the short-term satisfaction of like this person will be a boost for my ego, as opposed to like a really healthy partner.

38:54 They don't choose the chinuch methodology with their children that's going to have long-term impact. They choose the short-term results of dominating their child into obedient behavior. So where does that like the mindset of like I feel like everyone always says like you know everyone has you have to seize the moment seize. I think you're a hundred percent right. Seize the day, carpe diem. That notion that if you don't do it now, you might be dead tomorrow. That's not Jewish. What we mean when we say seize the day is this moment will never come again in the history of the world. So engage this moment with all of its infinite possibility. Do you hear the difference? I want to seize the moment because this is the only time in the history of the world that there's going to be this moment. But I'm not engaging this moment from fear.

39:51 I'm engaging this moment from presence. Does that resonate? And that's why Yaakov Avinu plays the long term. Yaakov Avinu says, "I'm willing to give up my food today because I want to play the long term game. I want to have a life of purpose. I want to have the birthright. I want to build Klal Yisrael. I want to be that person." And you're willing to live a short-term life. The reason you're willing to live that short-term life is because you're basically punting on the notion that tomorrow is real. But to us, tomorrow is real, right? We plant for a future that we might never experience. Why do we do that? Why do I plant the tree today that will only sprout 70 years from now, right? And I might never get to taste its fruits. You know what the answer is. Because I believe in the possibility that I will taste of its fruits, and if I don't, then my descendants will. But I live for a future that is unyet; it has not yet been realized. Do you realize that this is the currency of Mashiach?

40:52 What does it mean to believe in Mashiach? To believe in Mashiach means that I'm trying to build a world where Mashiach could come. I think that might not happen in my lifetime, but it's going to happen. But it's never happened. You're telling me that you're going to build a messianic world. Where nobody's going to fight, there's not going to be any more war. There won't even be education about war because it'll be so far into us that we're going to be fighting with each other. You know what a Jew believes? The impossible might yet become possible. But if you live from the perspective of Asav, you go, there's never going to be a time like that. So just give me what I can today. Give me the most power today. I want to dominate today. So when you said at the beginning that Asav Asa believed he saw the world through the perspective of death.

41:43 Then he meant that let me do everything today because there might not be tomorrow. Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die. So I'm not going to worry about the birthright. So do whatever. Just do whatever you want. So give me that burger today. I don't have time to wait for that tomahawk steak. I'm gonna. This child needs me to be patient. I don't have time to be patient with this child. Gotta let it play out. But I can't. I have to fight with my wife about this right now. I have to fight with my husband about this. The cycle of marriage is long. Let things play out. Make incremental changes. Believe in the infinite possibility of your marriage. That just because it's not great today doesn't mean that it won't be great tomorrow. Right? That's that's a limitless perspective, If Yaakov had such a perspective of rest, serenity Then why, when he went down to Egypt, was he like

42:38 Very good, very powerful question, and that's exactly why Yaakov Avinu was held accountable for that. And why do Chazal tell us that Yaakov Avinu was held accountable for every single word that he said to Paro that was negative, because dafka in this area is where Yaakov Avinu excelled, and a failure to excel in this area was the thing that he was punished for, because it was unnatural for him to look at life in a negative way. So that's why the avos were tzaddikim like we can't possibly imagine. The face of Yaakov Avinu was on the Kisei Hakavod. Since Yaakov Avinu's whole bchinah in life is to be serene and to live with this limitless possibility, those words that he spoke to Paro were so inappropriate for him on his level. So why did he speak? Inuchanami. That's a good question. But I'm showing you that really this is the bchinah of his nefesh, and going against it is what makes no sense.

43:29 If he lived his life in serenity and everything Then why did he? Excellent. What Yaakov Avinu had trouble with, I mentioned this briefly in the beginning of the shir, but I didn't do a good job explaining it. Thank you for bringing it out. Yaakov Avinu inside lived with the state of serenity. But his outside life did not mirror his inside life at all. So what's Yaakov Avinu? He's Ish Tam Yosheva Holam. He's the ultimate Kol Ol guy. He's just sitting and learning all day. And then all of a sudden. It's time for him to get the b'chor. Rivka says, 'Your brother's out in the field. Go to Yaakov, get the bracha.' And what happens after that? Now he has to run away from his brother because he's going to be killed. And now he's running away from his brother, and who catches up to him?

44:17 Eliphaz, right? And what does Eliphaz say? 'I have to be mechabit my grandfather, right? So I have to kill you.' And what does Yaakovinu say? 'Well, ani chashiv kamei. So if you just steal all of my clothing and all of my possessions and all of my everything, then it'll be like I'm dead.' And because Elifaz had some spark of goodness in him, he was willing to do that. So now imagine you're Yaakov Avinu. You went from being Literally, from being fine to all of a sudden you've lost everything. You're not home. You have no possessions. And you finally make your way to your family's house, to Lavan's house, and you see a girl. That's the girl. That's my wife. So you marry her, only to find out it's not her. And now you have to. So I'm going to marry my wife, but it's going to take me seven more years. And I'm working. By the way, am I working for an honest man?

45:05 When you're working for a dishonest person, it's like you're on all the time. So he has the Yosef Hatsadik, and now he's ready to go confront Esav. So they leave the house of Lavan. What does Lavan do? Lavan chases after him. He finds Lavan chases after him. He manages to get away from Lavan. Now he has to confront Esav. And he's confronting the Malach of Esav. Finally, at the end of everything, what does he say to Hakadosh Baruch Hu? How come my outside life doesn't mirror my inside life? It doesn't make any sense because when we're calm inside of here Usually what starts? What do we attract? We attract serenity. And what does Hakadosh Baruch Hu say to him? Now we're going to sell Yosef down to Mitsrayim. What's the answer? The answer is like this. What is Hashem answering? Hashem is not just answering no. He's saying serenity doesn't involve chaos.

45:57 To be serene means to be serene in the face of chaos. You see, the person who lives from the perspective of Yaakov Avinu They're okay when they have challenging children. Some people when they have challenging children are just not okay. They get very thrown by it. Have you seen parents like that? I'm not okay, so what my kid does is not okay, and it's a very triggered relationship. But if you're enough, and if you're okay, and you believe in the limitless possibility of yourself. And you have a child who's acting in a chaotic way. You know what you are. You're okay. And the proof that you're truly serene is that I'm serene when everything in my life is going wrong. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, you want to be bashalva. You need to have the life that I'm giving you. If you really want to be in a state of menuchas anefesh, if you really want to have that level of becoming, that's that limitless possibility. Then life is going to move this way, downhill, and you're going to end up uphill anyway.

46:55 And so the end of Yaakov Avinu's life is literally in Mitzrayim. But that's ironic. What were the best years of Yaakov Avinu's life? The final years in Mitzrayim. Those are the years where Yaakov Avinu finally finds his shalva. Because only when you go through all the tumultuousness and all the chaos of life do you actually end up in the place of absolute serenity. So Yaakov Avinu, with his potential for serenity, in the end of his life, he actualizes it. Does that make sense? There's more to cover, but I think this is enough for today. Yashikoch, I think this is a. You want more questions? One more question? I don't want to divide everyone, but it's kind of like picking one tiny thing you spoke about. In regard to just the script written And the many options. Let's say you had your whole life prepared And you have more options. Let's say you have people.

47:52 In BTI Yeah. Let's say you have people coming up to you, "Oh my gosh, you're gonna be a madriga. You should You will be. You're. How do you know if you should be You don't want it to be an excuse. But like, you know, those people that just stay in the bubble because they don't want to go back. So how do you know if it's an excuse or if it's the right thing to do? That's such a powerful question. I'm so glad you asked it, and it applies to everybody in this room, because that specific scenario might imply I don't know to somebody in this room. But it applies to all of us because all of us have people in our lives telling us what they think we should be, right? And remember, some people get those communications in an overt way. You should be a madricha. And sometimes we communicate it in a very covert way. It's like those things that are unsaid, but you know that certain people think, I hope she does X, Y, or Z, right? So we all have those shoulds, right? But the question is, as we're making this decision from a place of unlimited possibilities It's important to ask ourselves: Would this be me self-actualizing, or would this be me achieving from a place of lack?

49:13 So when you describe that girl who gets stuck in the BTI bubble because she's afraid to leave That to me is an Asov perspective, because she's terrified that she's not enough, and if I go back to that environment, then everything's going to fall apart. So it might look on the outside very frum, but it's actually the exact opposite of what we're saying. Masha'ineh, there might be the same exact decision—a girl who says no. I want to be a madricha, not because I should, not because I'm trying to fill somebody else's vision for what my frumkeit looks like, but let's say because I value being here. This is the space of my becoming. I want to give back. I want to use this as an opportunity to self-actualize in a new way, and I have no idea what I might become if I stay. Then it's a Yaakov Avinu life. But I just want to be absolutely clear. It could also be that a girl goes back to Los Angeles or wherever.

50:05 And that's also a Yaakov Avinu choice. And it could be that that's the place where I think I have the limitless capacity to self-actualize. In fact, I would even tell you that Torah was given specifically in the desert to teach us that there is no place that can contain our personal growth because our personal growth is limitless. It's not limited to the confines of Yerushalayim Yerakodesh. Of course, this is a beautiful place to self-actualize because it's the essence of the world. We're literally living in the holiest city in the world, where Hashem's presence is most manifest clearly. But we're not limited to Yerushalayim. Tzaddikim throughout history have lived in many places. If the right place for you to self-actualize was in the valley, then that might be equally Yakov Avinah. And it's not obvious that just because a girl was behaving one way in Los Angeles before, now she comes to Yerushalayim and she's found this unlimited life that she might have. That automatically going back means she's back in the perspective of Esav. In fact, sometimes we go back to the very place that we came from to discover that darkness might actually be the source of our light. And so, there's a very profound question that you're asking there. We'll stop here for tonight.