Shavuos - The Vulnerability of Change

2:42 Thank you, Barry. I don't know how to introduce myself. But I think I have a title now that you didn't mention. I think I could say I'm officially part of the Chizuk Mission. I think that's a good title for me. I'll take that title. And for all the, we're back on Zoom. I feel like it's COVID again. I haven't been on Zoom in a very long time. So I see you clapping and I recognize the clapping and I appreciate it. Thank you so much. It's a wonderful thing to be a part of the Chizuk Mission and to see some familiar faces from the times that you come to Eretz Yisrael. Today I'm coming to you from Los Angeles. Yerha Kodesh, and so I'm here for a couple of days, and then Bezrach Hashem back to New York, New Jersey, then Chicago, and then back home to Eretz Yisrael, Bezrat Hashem. We're holding now in the second half of Sferas Almer.

3:32 So Matan Torah is very close And so I want to try for a couple of minutes. I was asked to leave some time for questions at the end. But to explore what is the inner nature of Torah And more specifically to deal with the vulnerability of Torah, what exactly is the vulnerability of Torah And what makes Torah so challenging, and what's the great opportunity of Torah as well? So there's a halacha, a fascinating halacha. Let's say Reuven bought a piece of metal And he believed that the metal was made out of lead. And so he paid a price that was commensurate with the perceived value. He thought he was buying lead, so he paid a couple of shekels for lead. Then Reuven takes that same piece of metal and sells it to Shimon for the same price. But Shimon discovers that the metal is silver.

4:24 And was worth far more than the amount that he paid for it. Reuven wants his money back. Reuven says, "I sold you this metal for ten dollars. I didn't realize it was worth a thousand dollars." So let's cancel the sale or give me the money that you owe me now. So what's the halacha in that case? So the Hagos Ashri in Bava Metzia paskens that the halacha is that Shimon does not owe Reuven any money, and that Shimon owns that piece of lead or that piece of silver that Reuven thought was a piece of lead. It's a beautiful halacha. It's a very complex halacha. The shaila is Every halacha has a body and a soul. The halacha tells us something about the way we're meant to live our lives. But it also tells us something about our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. I see we're back on Zoom because not everyone is muted. I'm really having post-traumatic stress disorder.

5:21 This is like when the yeshiva had to be over Zoom for those couple of weeks after Pesach, or when the boys went into quarantine. I could literally feel my heart beating again. I don't want to do this again, but okay, we're back here. Every halacha has a body and a soul. The halacha tells us not only how we should live our lives, but it also tells us something about our relationship with Hashem. And the truth of the matter is that when we start studying the deeper Torah The siddur of Torah from the maral, the hamchal, the balechassidus, etc. So we discover that these halachas are not just random ways that we should live our lives. It's not just a system of justice, but it teaches us the inner nature of our relationship with Hashem. Shaila is: What is the inner nature of this halacha? What is it teaching us about our relationship with Hashem?

6:10 That if we have something that we perceive its value to be X, even though in truth the value is much higher, we only own it at X, and if we sell it, nobody owes us money. What is that teaching us about our relationship with Hashem? That's our first question for today. Second question for today is a famous question. I'm sure many of you have heard this Gemara before. A very beautiful Gemara. The Gemara says, "Gemara Psochim on some Chesamid Beis." The Gemara says, "Rav Yosef Biyome Da'atzarto Amar." Rav Yosef on the day of Shavuos said "Avdi Li Iglat Lasa." Bring me a third-born calf. Apparently, this was a very delicious calf. Amari said, "Ilau Hayama, the Kagarim, Kama Yosef Ika Bashuka. If it wasn't for this day Kagarim that caused Klal Yisrael to have the Torah Kama Yosef Ika Bashuka. How many Joes would there be in the shuk? How many average Joes would there be in the shuk? And so the Gemara is explaining that Rav Yosef made a big suddah And the reason he made a big suddah was because otherwise he just would have been another average Joe.

7:24 Shile is a Gemara that I'm sure many of us have heard before. Shile is, is it true? If we think deeply about it, just for a minute, it's a beautiful sentiment. But it's a little bit difficult to understand. Does that mean that somebody who doesn't learn Torah is just like everybody else? Is it only through Torah that you could be an individual? If the Torah was never given, then what? We wouldn't be individuals. We would. I would imagine we would be individuals because the Abundisholom created every soul in a unique way. What could it possibly mean that without the Torah Kamu Yosef Ika Bashuka, everybody would have been the same average Joe. We all would have been the same Yassulah. What's the Gemara mean? Obviously, it means something very deep, but it doesn't appear to be true at first glance. The Torah was given to us.

8:13 Say there, that's beautiful. It teaches us how to live our lives. It teaches us how to connect to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. But lechayru, we were individuals. Even before the Torah was given, and if Chassidus Ham would not have been given, I imagine we still would have been individuals. So that's our second question for today. The third question for today is based on a Medrash. Beautiful Medrash, a Medrash that many of us have heard, but not many of us have seen inside. So I'll actually go through the Medrash inside over here and we'll see if there's some Chiddushim. Medrash says, "Vayayimar Hashem m'sinai ba." What does it mean that Hashem came from Sinai? We all know that when our Kadosh Baruch Hu came to give the Torah to Klal Yisrael, He didn't only give the Torah to us But He gave the Torah to all the nations.

9:07 So how did it go? So first, Hakadosh Baruch Hu went to the Bnei Yisav, and he said, 'Receive the Torah.' They said, 'What's written inside of it?' Hashem said, "Don't kill." Everything about us, everything about our father, is murder. So I don't think we could accept your Torah. So then, Hakadosh Baruch Hu went to the children of Ammon and Moab, and he asked them, 'Will you accept the Torah?' And the same question as the Bnei Yisrael. They said, 'What's written in the Torah?' And what's written in the Torah, Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, 'As Lo Tinnaf, you should not commit adultery.' So Amr Lo Kol Atzma Shallaver Lahem. Everything about our entire essence is illicit relations. We're Ammon and Moab. We're the children of Lot. So they also rejected the Torah. Halach Eitzal Bnei Yisrael. Amr lahem m'kablu m'satayra. Amr lo makosav ba. Amr lahem lo tignov.

10:15 So Amr lo kalats m'aviim. Listen me. Same problem. He went to the Bnei Yisrael. Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, "Will you accept my Torah?" They said, "What's written in it?" Hashem said, "Don't steal." They said, "What do you mean? We're Bnei Yisrael. Everything about us is theft." So we too can't accept the Torah. And the Gemara says that this is what happened. The Medrash says, 'V'chein lechal uma, v'uma shal lahem m'kablu m'satayra.' Hakadosh Baruch Hu went to every single nation and asked them if they would accept the Torah? Every single nation, same exact story over and over again, and it didn't work. None of them wanted to accept the Torah because they said, 'What do you mean? We're listed. We are involved in illicit relations. This we're murderers. This who we are.' So again, we have another question on this midrash. It's you know I understand there are certain societies that have murder in them. I understand there are certain societies where the relationships are inappropriate.

11:08 But it doesn't seem to be fundamental. It's a strange thing. It doesn't seem like I have this compulsive need to kill. Certain societies, unfortunately, murder is part of the culture. But you know, it's not like if somebody came to you and said, I'll give you a trillion dollars that you couldn't put down your gun. People are capable of putting down their gun. So what's the pshat here that they said we're not capable of receiving the Torah because the Torah says we're not allowed to have illicit relations. If I have the opportunity to have the Torah, I'll give up illicit relations. If I have the opportunity to receive the Torah, I'll give up murder. I'll give up theft. It seems to be worth it. What is the medrash saying over here that these nations of the world are saying? And finally, one last question, also a well known gemara, but we'll see it inside the gemara and the darim.

12:01 Let's see exactly where the gemara is. The gemara and the darim pey aleph amet aleph. Is discussing the question of why the children of Talmidei Chachamim don't necessarily become Talmidei Chachamim. A very painful question for many parents. And in the context of that Gemara, the Gemara discusses the possibility that they did not say a Berachah Satora. And the Gemara says, "Amr of Yehuda, Marav." Yehuda said in the name of Rav. May dechsev mi ha ish chacham the yaven azais. What does it mean, the wise man? And the Yavin Azais, the prophets, the one who, the people who understand the deeper wisdom, what does it mean? So the Gemara says, 'Davar z'nishal achacham v'le naviim v'lo pereshu at shepereshu at kadosh baruch hu ba'atzmo dechiv v'yayimar Hashem alazim as teirasi heinu lo shamu b'kayli heinu lo halchuba.' I'm Rav Yehuda, I'm Rav sheein mevarcham b'tar etchila. The Gemara, a very beautiful Gemara here.

13:02 The Gemara wanted to know what this pasuk means, and it was a total mystery until Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself came and explained why Eretz Yisrael was destroyed. Why? Because we forsook Hakadosh Baruch Hu's Torah. We forsook Hakadosh Baruch Hu's Torah. That's what it means, Lo Shama B'Kali. We didn't listen to Hashem's voice. That's what it means, Lo Halchuba. We didn't walk in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's ways. What does all this mean? She'en Mevarchin B'Tayrat Chilah. The reason that Eretz Yisrael was destroyed, the reason the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed, is because we did not make a Berachas Torah. So we didn't make a Berachas Torah. Fine. And somehow, as we analyze the Gemara, we have to understand because we didn't make a Berachas Torah. So that's called Al Ozva Mes Teyrasi. That means that we've abandoned Hashem's Torah. Now this is very difficult to understand because we're thinking deeply about it.

13:58 This means that there were people sitting and learning all day long. There must have been unbelievable kailim at that time, in the times of the Beis Hamikdash, in the times of Eretz Yisrael. People were sitting and learning Torah all the time. And obviously they were sitting and learning all the time, like Abayi Yona says. Otherwise, it would have been obvious why Eretz Yisrael was destroyed. So they were sitting and learning, and nobody could figure out why Eretz Yisrael was being destroyed. For sitting and learning, shouldn't we have the slops of Torah? Because they didn't make a bracha on Torah. Because they didn't make a bracha on Torah, this is what the Gemara is saying, and it's very difficult to understand. Because they didn't make a berachas haTorah, somehow that means that they've abandoned the Torah completely. Al ozva mes Torahsi, vloishamu bekayli, loy halchuba. We're not listening to Hashem. We're not walking in the ways of Hashem. A person could be sitting and learning Torah all day long. And somehow they've abandoned the Torah. It seems to be a difficult thing to say, but this is what the Gemara is saying. Has to be understood.

15:00 And not only that, but it's so bad that it's worthy of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. A person doesn't make a bracha on a cracker. We don't see that it's worthy of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. Obviously, you're supposed to make a bracha. But just because you didn't make a bracha doesn't mean it's worthy of the destruction of Eretz Yisrael. The Gemara here is saying a very big thing. The Gemara is saying because they didn't make a berachas atayra, it's abandoning atayra. Number two This lack of a bracha is so bad that it's worthy of the destruction of the Beit Hamikdash. The shayla is what's going on over here. These are very difficult questions. We have to try to make some headway here to understand what these things mean. So I want to share with you an idea. It's a very beautiful idea. It's a very important idea, and it goes to the nature of what Torah is. What exactly is Torah?

15:58 The truth of the matter is that the Torah is not what makes us an individual. The soul is what makes us an individual. Before the Torah, so to speak, we are precious souls of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Each soul has its own unique designation. Each soul has its own unique mission. Well before we came into the world. So when we speak about Torah making us individuals Really we're individuals before Torah. But there's a problem. There's a problem. The problem is this. It's what I call the unicorn problem. The unicorn problem is I have five daughters. For those who have been to some of my shiurim before, you know my trauma of having five daughters. I have five daughters. And this happened five for five Five times in a row. This story happened. What's the story? When they're little, they're individuals. It's the nature of all kids. Kids are wonderfully delicious. They're all individuals. You don't have to teach them to be individuals. They are individuals.

17:06 And each kid has their own unique way of seeing the world. I have one daughter. When she was little. She was the most creative little kid. She just saw the world in a different way. It's back before we moved to Israel. We were in the five towns, and my wife was shopping in Gourmet Glot. And she has this little three-year-old girl, maybe even less, in the shopping cart, and she sees my daughter is getting very agitated And she's like, "What's going on? That she's getting so agitated, and something's clearly bothering her." Finally, my daughter looks up at the ceiling in Gourmet Grot and she goes, "Stop talking to me." Apparently, my daughter didn't really get that when they're saying clean up on aisle five or getting somebody to go to the butcher shop in the back, they weren't talking to her. She didn't know what was going on. She was a little girl. That's the way she saw the world. She was a complete individual.

18:02 You get older, you get acclimated to the world. You understand the ceiling isn't talking to you. But these kids see the world in their own unique way and they say the funniest things when they're little. It's the most beautiful thing. In Eretz Yisrael, I don't know if they have this in America. I'm sure they do. But in Eretz Yisrael, when kids are little, the most important thing you you'll back me up on this. The most important thing is what knapsack you bring to school. Your knap oh good I see it's not just an Eretz Yisrael thing. It's an American thing also. What knapsack you bring to school. So when the kids are little before school starts it's like a big thing going shopping for a new teak. Going shopping for a new teak is a very exciting thing. So every daughter has their thing that they want: Hello Kitty knapsack, this knapsack. My fifth daughter loves unicorns. Everything in her entire room is unicorns.

18:55 And of course, I want you to know, I'm a man here sitting in a sheer Zoom full of women, but I want to tell you something. The biggest kishmak that a man has in the world It's to buy his daughters what they want. That's like the again, not when they get older, when they're younger. When they get older, we get annoyed, but when they're younger, fathers love to buy things for their daughters. So I bought my daughter everything unicorn that exists: a unicorn wallet, a unicorn watch, unicorn stickers for her entire room, unicorn pajamas, unicorn sheets, everything unicorn, and of course, a unicorn knapsack. They have the unicorn knapsack where the horn actually comes off the knapsack, and it's like all the different colors, and it's a beautiful thing. So this is what my daughter had until she went to first grade and then she said to me Abba, no more unicorns No more unicorns. I want a different knapsack this year.

19:47 And I said, "There, why?" "Don't you love unicorns?" She looks at me. Unicorns are for babies. And that is a heartbreaking day. Everyone who has children knows the day. Where children trade in their individuality For the security of conformity. It's a painful day. But we all—and the truth is, we know it well because we do it as adults. We trade in our individuality. For the security of conformity. And so I think she got a tie-dyed knapsack. And if that's what all the girls are wearing, and that's what she wants, I understand, and I'm more than happy to provide it for her. But you lose something. We see it as kids get older, they lose that. That I don't want to say the craziness, because not every kid is crazy, but there's a certain type. There's a certain type that the child is And then they come to school and they learn that type is not necessarily safe.

20:50 That type might make me be excluded, and which kid wants to be different? Unfortunately, some of us never grow out of this And the way we exist in our communities. Of course, we should, on some level, conform to basic social norms. But how many of us give up on core values Or even if we don't give up on core values, how many of us are willing to do whatever it takes to keep up with the Schwartzes? Because we need to be like everybody else. This is the natural default setting of what it means to be a person. I remember I remember my wife and I were having a conversation during COVID. Will the world go back to the way it was? You remember we all had those conversations. We're gonna stop having these crazy weddings. Everyone who had engaged children during COVID was secretly a little happy.

21:45 Secret. Nobody wanted to say it out loud, but secretly they were a little happy. Of course, they were very upset for their children who couldn't have the wedding of their dreams. But I know a couple in Israel that got married secretly in a forest because at that time, you know, in Israel they were super locked down, and you could get a ticket if you left the block, and it was like you had to be really careful. Their kids wanted to get married. So what were they going to do? They snuck off. No halls were open. No bands were playing. So they snuck off into a forest near Beit Shemesh. And a couple of chavurah came out. And maybe they had ten people. They had obviously ten men. They had the rav, and they got married. And they were also married. And every father secretly was going like, I'd save a lot of money on those weddings if only my. And I told my daughter. My daughter was like 17 at the time. I was like, you're really not ready to get married. But if you want to get married, now's the time. Like if you know because every girl really wants to get married before she's ready. I'm like, you could do it now. You'll save me so much money if you do it now. And we all promised ourselves we're not going back to the way that it was.

22:47 And here we are, and it's not that much later. I think we can safely say that Maybe not in all aspects, but in many aspects We're right back to the way that it was. What happened is that we're social creatures. This is what the Rambam says in Hochazdeis Parek Vav Halach Aleph. That we're social creatures. That's the nature of a person. We're naturally going to default to our lowest common denominator because we live in herds. That's what we do. So the first challenge of being an individual is leaving the herd. That's a huge challenge. It's not easy. The second challenge, which perhaps is even more profound Is the vulnerability of change And for two reasons. The first reason is: Am I capable of change? Meaning How many of us have taken on? I don't mean in the Gaia sense, but how many of us have taken on New Year's resolutions?

23:47 New Year's resolutions are a phenomenal business for gyms. Everyone signs up. This is the year that I'm gonna go to the gym. This is the year that I'm going to eat right. This is the year that I'm really going to take care of myself. Everyone's selling stuff around January first. Because they know that we want to change But we also know that a week later, those gym memberships are just on the credit card. Everyone, I assume, has owned some sort of treadmill. A treadmill is the world's most expensive hanger. That's what a treadmill is. A treadmill is a place where we hang our clothes. How many times do we go on the treadmill? A couple of times a year. If you actually did the math of how much the treadmill costs versus how many times you've gone on it, it's like a couple hundred dollars every time you walk on that treadmill.

24:34 It's I mean at that point you could pay for surgery already and just get rid of it differently. The challenge of change is we want to change But we don't actually believe that we're capable because we've done it so many times before. We've tried, and it doesn't work. This is who I am. So what do you want from me? That's one part. We don't necessarily believe that we're capable of change. There's a deeper part, which is even more profound. The vulnerability of change is taking an authentic, hard look at some of the parts of our lives that are just not working. That's the real challenge. Because even if you did believe you were capable of change Who in the world wants to look at themselves and see the things that they need to work on? In relationships, I imagine everyone here has done this. I'll raise my hand. I know I have. You don't have to raise your hands. I'll raise my hand for all of us.

25:33 How many times have I blamed my wife for things that were really just my stuff? And how many times did I not even know that it was really my stuff and I was blaming her, convinced that it was really hers? What's the pshat? The pshat is I don't want to look at myself that way. I don't want to take ownership of those things. Because if I did, it comes with all this pain that I've exiled deep away from myself, and I don't want to. I don't want to have to touch that pain. I don't want to have to look back at my childhood, and I want to have to unpack where I came from and how these parts developed, and the inner negative beliefs that I might have about myself, and to trace those inner negative beliefs and to see how these parts of myself developed. It's easier just to blame somebody else. So this is what we do. We blame other people, our bosses, our spouses and our children.

26:23 The truth of the matter is that to be a growth oriented person means to be somebody who's constantly looking in a real way and allowing ourselves with a tremendous amount of love and a tremendous amount of compassion, but to be able to see the way that other people experience us. And to be able to look at ourselves and say, "This is a part of me that needs work." The vulnerability of change is that it engages our lowest parts. But who in the world wants to look there? So we have three things that we have highlighted today. Three things that stand in the way of really being an Evid Hashem Because to be an Evid Hashem, one needs to be in self. One needs to grow into who they are. Number one. It might mean I'm going to be an individual, and that might mean I'm going to be different than other people, and that's not safe.

27:16 What will they say about shaduchim if I'm that mother who's a little bit different? What will they say about shaduchim if my daughter is a little bit different? I don't know if you've listened to teenage girls recently, but I baruch Hashem listen to teenage girls in my home all the time, and there's a word that they use. She's typical. Typical. I never knew that 'typical' could be the description of a person. A person could be lebedich. A person could be funny. A person could be deep and thoughtful. Today in the Jewish world, we have a description of a person. It's called typical. She went to this school. She went to this elementary school. She went to this middle school. She went to this high school. She went to this camp. She went to the seminary. After the seminary, she got this job. What type of therapist will this girl be? She could be a speech therapist. She could be an occupational therapist. She could be an aqua therapist. She could be an art therapist. She could be a play therapist. But as long as you're a therapist

28:15 So then you're in the right profession. You're typical. And if Chas v'Shalom, our daughter is not going to be typical, so then what's going to be with Shiduchim? And even those girls that are talented, we have to make sure that they're talented in a typical way. She could be a very good singer, and she was typical. She did this performance. She had this outlet for it. And we lose a tremendous amount of the creativity of people this way. This is not what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants from us. I'm not Chassvashal. I'm saying that we should be contrarian for the sake of being contrarian. But to be an Eved Hashem means to be the unique self that Hakadosh Baruch Hu created. You can imagine what Kallah Yisrael would look like. I believe I don't know which numbers are true or not, but there's somewhere between 12 and 15 million Jews in the world today.

29:02 Could you imagine if we had somewhere between twelve and fifteen million Totally unique, totally in self, totally creative individuals in the world. Forget what these twelve to fifteen million lives would look like. What would the entire world look like if there were twelve to fifteen million people whose job it is to come into the world to be a light unto the nations? That's our job. We're supposed to be such a tremendous light. That we attract the moths to the light, and if we were in self doing what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants, we could create a revolution of individuality and creativity in the entire world. The impact would be massive. The impact on our homes The impact on our homes would be incredible. I'm going to tell you a secret here. Your husband wants you to be your individual self. I know you think there are times when he doesn't because he tells you. That there are things that you do that he doesn't like, but it's not true. Nothing is more attractive than someone who's in self. It's the most attractive thing in the world.

30:06 In fact, there are certain theories in psychology that say the reason we marry each other is because that other person has the parts of our self that we wish we could actualize. So the truth of the matter is that the most attractive thing is to be yourself. The best way to parent. It's to parent from your own individual self. That's why I don't like all these parenting courses, because all these parenting courses make parenting into a set of rules. If this, then that. And of course, for those who are experienced parents in the room, we know there is no if this, then that, because every child is a world unto themselves. And when we see kids that aren't fitting into the system, which of course kids are not going to fit into the system, because by definition it's a system. So not every kid is going to fit into it, and there'll be kids that fit into it a little bit more this way and a little bit more that way, and there are kids that don't fit in at all. I'm not embarrassed to tell you this. I baruch Hashem, I've owned this in my life.

31:02 I grew up. I'm 1980s yeshivish. That's if people ask me what's my denomination, I'm 1988 yeshivish. I got off the train in 1988. That's my denomination. Everyone's, are you Orthodox, Conservative, Reformed, Charedi, Hasidish, Misnagdish? What are you? I'm 1988 yeshivish. I loved 1988. Beautiful time to be alive. Two years after the Mets won the World Series. 1988 That world was a world where we encouraged kids to be themselves. And I want to share with you a story. I had a rebbe in eighth grade; he was a very special person. His name was Rabbi Grossman. And I was the super ADHD kid And I was in the highest she'er in darkei. And Darche at the time was a small school. Today I understand Darche is an empire. There's like 2,500 kids and trillions of dollars worth of buildings. When I was in Darche, there were trailers there, and we would get broken into every night and they would steal our books. We never knew if we were gonna have books the next day because they were often stolen. It was a great time to be in Darche.

32:03 Some kids root for snow days. I used to root for the day our books got stolen so we couldn't have a test. A different world than the one that we're currently living in. My rebbe, I'm in the top year; it's eighth grade, and he's preparing us to go to Yeshiva Ktana to Mesivta. This is serious business, and I'm this crazy ADHD kid that can't sit still. Rabbi Grossman, he was such a special rebbe. You know what he would do if he saw that I was getting fidgety? Because you can tell when ADHD kids are about to go. They start moving in their chair. They start just getting up and walking around. Rabbi Grossman used to look at me and he used to say, "Me burg mit ice," which means "with ice" in Yiddish. And what did that mean? In Darche, all the way across the campus was the water view. That's where the kitchen was. And in the kitchen, they had a fountain soda machine.

32:52 And my job was to run across the campus and get Rabbi Grossman one of these giant fountain soda cups full of Diet Coke with ice. And you can't run back across campus with a giant cup full of ice. They didn't have tops for it. So first I would get my energy out because I would run all the way across the campus. And then I would hang out with the workers in the kitchen for a couple of minutes, and I shmooze around, and then I'd finally get around to getting his cup of diet coke with ice, and then I'd walk back across campus. The whole thing probably took me half an hour. I know for a regular kid they probably would have had it three minutes later. For me to get a cup of diet coke for my grosmans took half an hour. But he was a brilliant mechanim. Used to tell me half an hour, he would know. Berg's going to go for half an hour, and then he could come back and be a human being and not disrupt the entire class. It was a brilliant chinuch move.

33:44 When I first came to Darchei in fifth grade, Rabbi Krauss Shlita, Rabbi Minyamin Krauss, another very special mechanim, he had a thing that he told me. He said we have in this class something called an emergency fire drill. So I said I came halfway through the year, so I was like, what's an emergency fire drill? He said if he saw that I was too labidic and couldn't sit still in class, he would just look at me and say emergency fire drill, and I'd be allowed to leave the class. And because you know that's what every kid roots for a fire drill. Today I think they root for like school shooting drills because we live in an insane society. When we grew up, it was fire drills. That was a normal thing. Every couple of whatever, maybe every couple hours or every couple days. I don't remember. I was in fifth grade, but Rabbi Krauss would look at me and go, 'Berg, emergency fire drill.'

34:29 Great, I'm happy to take an emergency fire drill. We did these things to keep these kids. We understood they are who they are. They weren't just trying to, like, one of my daughter's teachers said to my wife. She said this class I need a Ritalin spray. I need like a hose just to hose down the entire class with Ritalin just to keep the kids settled. And I hear it. Classroom management is not easy. I'm a rebbe for a living. I know it's not easy. But that's not the way that we should be educating our children. And I know she was joking. But we don't want to just give these kids a Ritalin spray because we all know that the system that we have in school is narrow and they need to do certain things and it has nothing to do with success in life Because these same kids that get older, that in school they were told no, you're not fitting into the system, when they get older, if they can hold on to that creativity, those are the most successful kids. It's who they are. It's an unbelievable thing. When did we start thinking it was a good idea for people to sit still for six, seven, eight, nine hours in a row? I couldn't do it. The only reason I can teach today, with all of my ADHD, is because I'm the one talking. If I had to listen to myself

35:39 I'd walk out of the class. I think I'm saying meaningful things. I'd still walk out of the class. And you should know I didn't get good in yeshiva until beis medrash because then it was just like a beis medrash. Anyone can walk around in a beis medrash. You don't need to sit still. You're not being asked to listen to somebody. My rebbe sheir was an hour and a half. I can handle an hour and a half sheir, so I stayed by my rebbe for eight years. Creativity is where most importantly, aside from as parents, aside from as spouses, it's how we serve Hashem. You look around and you see I shouldn't say this. It's not really the right thing to do, but Barry, I'm going to say something. You don't even know this. Barry told me about a guy. His name is Rabbi T in Cleveland. You told me about him a long time ago. You should know. I just met him this Shabbos.

36:27 Wow, what an unbelievable talent! What he was doing on Shabbos, I just can't do. He got up in front of a group of kids and he was inspiring them, leading them in an ebbing, and it was rocking. These kids were into it and singing, and I saw all this passion, all this creativity. He was doing something that's not within my dalaramos to do. I don't have that skill set. And I saw he was on fire, and the kids were on fire because of it. They created a culture. I'm going to share with you a story. This is an unbelievable story. They created a culture of authenticity in Cleveland and CSY, in the entire region over there: Central East, Detroit, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Pittsburgh. They, Columbus. They created an unbelievable avira of authenticity and creativity. I want to share with you what one of the girls said.

37:19 I was on the verge of tears. I couldn't believe it. I'm supposed to go to these events to inspire others, but in the end, I'm the one being inspired. A girl got up, a crazy Maysa, and she said the story in front of everybody. She wasn't afraid to be herself because they created an environment where she could be herself. A girl, a twelfth grade girl, got up in front of the entire Shabbaton. Hundreds of kids were there. And she told the following story. She said she had to be pulled out of her home because of domestic abuse. Imagine such a thing—a terrible, terrible tragedy. She had to be pulled out of her home because of domestic abuse. And they put her in another Jewish home with her siblings. But it was Mamish wasn't working out, and eventually they had to pull her out of that home and put her in a gentile family. And the girl went to public school.

38:05 And she was terribly angry at Hashem and terribly angry at Yiddishkeit. How could this happen to me? And understandably so. She spoke about how her mother was able to regain custody. Of her and but still she wanted nothing to do with Yiddishkeit and somehow she ended up in NCSY. Somehow she ended up in NCSY. Last year January Yarchei Kallah is a week where all the NCSYers get together and they have a week of learning. I was only on the Yarchei Kallah Shabbaton once. It's an incredible week. All these public school kids, hundreds and hundreds of public school kids, getting together to learn Torah. It's really unbelievable. So the girl went to Yarchei Kallah last year in January. And some Rebbetzin got up and spoke about the importance of lighting Shabbos candles. And the girl was makabul on herself. I'm gonna light Shabbos candles. The next week, she's a public school girl. She's going out Friday night. Where do you go? You go to the basketball game. Go to see your team play. So she was going out to the basketball game, and she realized, I forgot to light Shabbos candles.

39:08 So she turned around and she went back and lit Shabbos candles. I just heard the story. She turned around, she went back and lit Shabbos candles. This story should be written up and published in every single Jewish publication. Girl from Detroit. And while she's there, she says she's not going to just leave the Shabbos candles. Not just like a two-second thing, you light and you leave. So she said she'll wait a little bit. So she lit the Shabbos candles. She waited a little bit, and all of a sudden, her phone started blowing up with messages. Where are you? Are you okay? Check in. Let us know that you're okay. What happened? There was a school shooter in her school that Friday night in the gym during the basketball game, and the shooter was shooting in exactly the area where she normally stood. And she got up in front of everybody and she told this story And she said, "Hashem saved my life" But then she said even better. She said, it's not one of those stories where I became from. She said, it's not like after that I started keeping Shabbos and all of a sudden it was an easy journey. She said, that's the way it like reads in the books. That wasn't my story. It didn't become easier for me.

40:14 But she said what did change is I'm committed to making this work. And she said in front of everybody, she said, and that's why I'm going to Israel for the year next year, and I'm going to continue pursuing my Yiddishkeit and I'm going to continue trying to find Hashem. I was like goosebumps. And they created an environment of creativity and authenticity and individuality where a girl could get up and share her struggles in front of everybody, and people were clapping and hugging her, and it was the most beautiful thing in the world. We're meant to be individuals going through our own unique journey. That's what Hashem wants from us. Hashem wants us to create. If it wasn't for Rabbi T creating that environment, creating that matzah, that girl jumped on and said, 'Now I can be that individual.' This is where we serve Hashem from. You think Hashem wants us to say the same words of tefillah that every single one of us should be saying the same words of tefillah? It's not true.

41:05 We're all going to say Shema Yisrael Hashem Elokeinu Hashem Echad. But if I was an individual and you were an individual, those would be completely unique words. They wouldn't be the same words, not even a little bit. This is what Torah is meant to do. Torah is an agent of change. Torah is meant to help us engage all of our lowest parts. Torah is meant to help us become the true people that we have inside of us. It's not that Torah makes us an individual. We're an individual before that. But Torah is designed to change a person. Torah is designed to teach a person how to go into the lowest aspects of themselves and find godliness. The truth of the matter is, it's not just a shmuze. It's an open Gemara and Shabbos. The Gemara and Shabbos on Peches Amidbeis discusses. I'm not going to go through the Gemara inside with you because I know time is getting short over here.

41:56 And I want to have at least a couple of seconds for questions. But the Gemara in Shabbos talks about how when Moshe Rabbeinu came up to receive the Torah, the Malachim said, 'Hashem, you're giving him the Torah. Why are you giving him the Torah?' So Hakadosh Baruch Hu told Moshe Rabbeinu to answer, and this is what Moshe Rabbeinu answered. He looked at the Malachim and he said, 'Torah is not for you. You didn't leave Mitzrayim. I left Mitzrayim.' He said, 'You don't have business dealings that you need to be worried about being honest in business. I have business, so I need a Torah.' He said, 'You don't have marriage, so you don't have to be worried about being in illicit relations.' He said, "I have a marriage in this world. I have a yitzhahara." The nature of Torah, Moshe Rabbeinu's argument, is not because of our highest parts, but because of our lowest parts. We can introduce Torah into our lowest parts. We can find Hakadosh Baruch Hu within our lowest parts, and that Be'ez Hashem will help us change. That's the nature of what Torah is. Torah is an agent of change.

42:52 So with this in mind, let's go back to our original questions. And let's see if we've learned something here. One of the questions we asked is, Hakadosh Baruch Hu went to the nations of the world, and he said, "Do you want the Torah?" And we asked the question there, why didn't they accept the Torah? They had to kill, they had to have illicit relations, they had to steal. The answer is yes, they had to. Because they had a fixed mentality. They said, "This who we are." And I don't believe that I'm flexible to change. Since this who I was, this who I always will be. This who my zaidi was. This who his zaidi was. It's the intergenerational trauma of being bnei esav, of being bnei yishmael, of being bnei amon v'moav. This who I am. So this who I always will be. And they couldn't accept the Torah because they understood that Torah was an agent of change. So it's not like give up smoking if you give me trillions of dollars. You can't give up smoking unless you're capable of giving up smoking. And if you have a fixed mentality, you say, 'I can't give up smoking. This who I am. There's nothing to talk about. Of course, I'm going to steal. Of course, I'm going to murder. I'm bnei Yisav. I'm bnei Yishmael. This what we do.'

43:58 That's number one. Number two. We know that Rav Yisov said "Kam Yisov ikah bashukah." If it wasn't for Shavuos, if it wasn't for the day that we received the Torah, I would be like every other Joe. Is that true? The answer is yes. The answer is that even great people would be ordinary if they don't have the strength to change and become their unique self. It's possible. This is what kills me. It's possible that we're taking kids that would be great And we're putting them in a system where they're not going to be great because they're doing something that's not them. A girl recently called me up. She was dating a guy, and she's so impressed with him. Why? Because he's a guy who learns with a minion three times. He learns a little bit of Torah every day, and he's in business and he's on hatsala.

44:54 But she told me in his yeshiva he's a failure. She's so happy that she finally met this guy because it was really important to her to have a guy who's davening with a minion three times a day. That was something very important, and she wanted a husband who's going to be kavei itimat Torah, and he is. He's kavei itimat Torah. She said he learns every single day. And a bal chesed. You can make fun of atzala. It's bigger boys with bigger toys. And especially here in American Eretz Yisrael, they're not allowed to trick out their cars so much. But when I come to America, I see like you know how the car is supposed to have a siren. I see some people, baruch Hashem, the car is a siren. The entire car is all like reflective lights along the entire thing. It's a pellet to me, like what these cars cost, because I know what the, I remember what it was back in the day. I'm sure it's more expensive now. But if the hood of your car can change colors, you're really on Hatzalah. Like some people have little walkie-talkies that they hold, and some guys have implanted Bluetooth in their brain that the sirens going off. I have to help. We can make fun of it. There's a lot to make fun of. It's a good joke. But the end of the day

45:59 These people are unbelievable. Balei Chesed. They wake up at three o'clock in the morning to go help out another Jew. I remember years ago A kid on my block was choking. And they called. They called the Hatzalah, and seven cars pulled up to do the Heimlich maneuver. It's an unbelievable thing that you could press a button and Yidden will come running. So here's a guy. He's davening. He's learning. He's doing Chesed. He's in business. He's going to give tzedakah. But in Yeshiva he's a failure. Yeshiva is a failure. We're losing out on people's greatness. This I can't believe even has to be a shmoos. This should be pashat and obvious to everybody. It doesn't mean that the yeshiva system isn't awesome, and it doesn't mean that we shouldn't try to build talmid chachamim in the day of Israel. But we have to recognize that the nature of Torah is to create an individual person, and if we don't focus on that, the general movement of society is you'll be ordinary, you'll be like everybody else, you'll be that girl that gives up that unicorn knapsack.

46:54 There are people out there who would be Rivayosif, that's who they would be. They'd be the greatest gadolim in the world. Maybe they'd be gadolim in Torah. Maybe they'd be gadolim in Chesed. Who is it, Barry? Who was that person who passed away from Cleveland? He was like the biggest bal Chesed mall of America. What was his name? Mendy Klein. Mendy Klein. When Mendy Klein passed away, the whole world. Mendy Klein was a gadol in his dalaramos. He was a gadol in his dalaramos of changing the world with Chesed. I recently ran into the head of an organization who told me that since Mendy Klein passed, his whole organization isn't the same because Mendy Klein would make a couple phone calls and that's it, we're gonna make this happen. It's a crazy thing. We naturally gravitate towards the herd. Tiyra is meant to push us away from that herd mentality.

47:40 That's what Rivayosif was celebrating. Is it such a terrible idea not to make a brachas at Tiyra? Can it really cause the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash that Jews should be exiled from the land of Israel? Is it really considered al ozvam as Tiyrosi that you've abandoned my Tiyra? Is it really considered loishama b'kali that we're not listening to Hashem if we don't make a berachas tayra? The answer is yes, because you could be a professor of tayra, you could be a tremendous tamuacham. Anybody could ask you any shilu in the world, and you could tell them exactly what sif and siman and shulchan aruch, and you could tell them exactly what daf it's found on in which gemara. But that's not what tayra is. That's the body of tayra. The soul of tayra is that tayra is an agent of change. It connects us to our Maker. It connects us to our individuality.

48:27 A bracha is not just a bracha. A bracha on taira means I recognize the nature of this thing. It's spiritual. It's not just a physical thing. They talk about taira today like it's Hammurabi's Code. Remember when you were in ninth or tenth grade and we learned about Hammurabi's Code. They talked about the genius of the social system of Taira. We were the first ones to say every man is created in God's image. That's not what Torah is. Torah is not just Hammurabi's code. Torah is something that connects us to our essence. If you don't make a berachas Torah, then for you it's just another set of laws. And it's true. It's true. You're doing the laws, but al ozvam es terasi. You're not connecting. It's like a husband who participates in the relationship

49:17 But there's no intimacy. There's no love. He's there. He's doing all the right things, but the connection isn't there. The connection to the Rebbeinu Sholom isn't there. So the Rebbeinu Sholom says, 'Yes, Allahu Asma Wa Sitta Rasiy. We're not going to live in the same home if you're just going to do everything that I ask you to do. I don't want you to just do everything that I ask you to do. I want you to be with me. That's the yisoyt of Torah is to be with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That only happens when we're an individual. So it's possible for a person to own Torah, so to speak, and he has no idea what it is.' And this is what the Ishbitzer says. We'll finish with this. Remember, all the way in the beginning, we had that halacha. Reuven has a piece of metal. He thinks the piece of metal is lead. He sells it to Shimon. Shimon says it's silver. He says Reuven says I want my metal back.

50:03 It's not yours. You owned lead. You owned lead. You didn't own silver. This is what the Agados Hashirim is teaching us. Says the Ishbuzer. There are people that could sit and learn their entire lives, but they're not connected to Torah. They have no idea what it really is. They're not shyech to the inner nature of Torah. They're not working on themselves to be their most authentic self. They're not kind and compassionate as they look at their lower parts and introduce them to their rebbeinu shalom. Shavuos is a time not only where we're makabel the Torah, but where we work back to that original point of origin. That's where we're counting all the sferos every single day. We're working on ourselves to get back to that original point of origin because we understand Torah fundamentally changes a person. It makes us normal. That's what Torah does. We're living in an abnormal world.

50:50 I'm not going to say anything publicly. I know the she'er is being recorded, and even though I know everybody here feels the same way, we have to be careful about the words that we say. But we're living in an abnormal world. And if you would have told us 30 or 40 years ago that these would be the values of the world, we would have laughed. We would have said, 'There's no way that's true. It's not possible that's where the world will be holding.' The world has lost its mind. It's an insane asylum. We need Tyra to live in a sane asylum. The world has lost its mind. And you look around, even in Eretz Yisrael, it's painful what's going on in the world. It's the craziest thing in the world. They came after us October seventh. They came after us with Simchas Tyra. The world says, 'But you better not attack Rafiah on Ramadan.' They attacked us on Simchas Tyra. You have it. Two wrongs don't make a right. Don't attack them in their time. They attacked you in your time. It's mamish crazy. The world has lost its mind.

51:47 We have to go back to core, timeless values of self Of connecting to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, of really working on ourselves. It's the only way that we're going to be matzliach to participate in our personal relationships with our children and most importantly With the Eibushter. I think we have six minutes left. Miss Fast, Mrs. Fast, you can handle questions. How do you want to do this? Does anyone have any questions? That's a good way of handling it. You can unmute yourself and ask or raise your hand. I see her hand up. On me. Hi, Ruby Berg. Thank you so much for doing this for us. A quick question, and then probably an impossible question to be answered because I think that we're all struggling with this as people who are also wanting to help make change. Not only the Chinuch world, but just in how we've been taught in a post-Holocaust generation of what's important in the continuity of Torah, but how do we start to teach our children besides leading by example, and how do we make a way to change the system in a way that Chinuch of Torah is actually showing how Torah is exactly everything that you just explained.

53:15 Because now, I just had a whole conversation with some Kol El Rabbanim and all these different things that we're doing here, Metzora Shem and Alei, with the Chizuk Mission, and just talking about Amuna and Bitachon in general. Their mindset is this is all really lovely and wonderful, but it's time to get into the real Torah learning. And how do we change this mindset? So that's one. And then the other part of it is you mentioned how, in order to be a real growth-oriented person, you have to be able to look at yourself in a way how other people experience you. But can that also be a way to get stuck in living vicariously through other people, as opposed to being your unique person? So let's deal with the second question first, because it's a much easier question. The second question, when I say When I said to.

54:09 Be open to hearing the way that other people experience you. What I meant to say was in a critical sense. If somebody says to you, "Hey, I'm experiencing you as X" To instead of getting defensive, to be able to be open to the possibility that is the way that they experience us, and then to be able to say, "Okay, that's grist for the mill. That's something to work on." Not chassidishan to live vicariously through others, and by the way, just because they said it doesn't mean that they're right, because that's also their stuff that they're bringing into it. But I think it's important. Let's say my wife, I think once called it the double bubble Where you have two bubbles around you. There's a bubble around you, and then there's another bubble around that. When we get critical feedback, the critical feedback comes in past the first bubble, but it's held in abeyance before it actually comes into that inner bubble. When we get that critical feedback, it's okay, I wanna hear what you're saying. But I want to examine it, and then I'll decide what I'm going to take in. Some of it is yours, some of it is mine, and that becomes the stuff to work on.

55:10 So I think that's in terms of your second question. In terms of your first question, I want to highlight a sensitivity of something that you said that I think is very important, and maybe I didn't do a good enough job saying this. I think that. Li meratora is super important, and I don't want to be mezozel in it in any way. I think the rabbanim that you're hearing from are trying to say something like I want to not just be exposed to the actual body of Torah, but to the soul of Torah. And you're a hundred percent right for saying that. Of course, that's what the sefer Kabbalah, the sefer Chassidus, the sefer Musar, they're all designed to do. It should never come at the expense of the black gemara, never coming at the expense of actually putting in the work. And this is what's happening. This is the revolution that's happening in the world today. The revolution that's happening in the world today is people pushing their abanim to give more of the inner Torah, and we're seeing it all over the place. We're seeing it in shuls like Eish Kodesh and Woodmere by Rav Moshe Weinberger and Rabbi Zakatinsky's and all these places that are trying to expose people not just to the black gemara.

56:25 My rabbis have reminded me over and over again never at the expense of the learning. They have to be hand in hand. And I think in terms of changing the system, I don't know much about changing the system, but I do know that as parents We can create an environment where our children are themselves. We can validate their experience. Aside from the role modeling, which you mentioned, we can speak to them in a way that invites them to be their best self. And I think that if we give permission for our children to be imperfect, then we're doing a really good job. And I'll share with you, and then I think we'll finish with this. If anyone has questions, maybe afterwards privately. I met a young man last night who's going to be coming to yeshiva next year. And we were talking about his decision to come to yeshiva, and his father is at the table for the bchinah for the father.

57:17 And in front of his father, he's talking openly about his challenges. Things that he's done in high school that he's not proud of, and challenges. And the father's sitting right there. Man, if this was my kid, I think I'd be eating my heart out a little bit First of all, you're saying it on an interview to her, to a man of yeshiva. Second of all, I can't believe my kid had to go through that, but the father was totally fine. And I see why his kid is so special. His kid is a really top kid. He's a really special kid. And I see why. Because the father just gave permission for the son to be himself. And I think that's something we could do. I don't know if we could change the system, but I think one kid at a time, we could tell them, 'You are you, and that's okay. And whatever you went through is what you went through. And just because you went through it at sixteen years old doesn't mean it's going to be what you go through at fifty.'

58:14 I have so much chakarsat tov to Barry and to Mrs. Fast. I have so much chakarsat tov to you. It's such a pleasure to be back here. I hope to see you, Beisrach Hashem, when you come on more Chizik missions to Eretz Yisrael. And who knows, maybe we'll work out something for me to come to America to work with the Chizik mission at a different time. Thank you so much for the time today. I really appreciate it. Amen. Thank you, Rabbi Berg. This was unbelievable. And I just want to give a personal extra thank you because I was sitting with my husband on Shabbos and trying to get clarity and so much of what you spoke about today. So I just feel like I'm breathing with a clarity and with a direction moving forward. And we so appreciate Mirzah Hashem. There should be on Zoom the first of many, and Mirzah Hashem, so many more in Eretz Yisrael and on the ground wherever Hashem is going to take you to be able to bring this chizuk to all of us. We appreciate it. We appreciate everybody being a part of this. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Take care. Thank you, everybody. Thank you, Aviva.