Shavuos - The Value of the Birchas HaTorah

2:26 I feel particularly badly for my wife because we go to yeshiva and she stays in a very small little apartment, and so the challenge of really not having anywhere to be is particularly piquant. But I hope that tonight will not at all be a solution to any of the challenges that you have. I hope that we can share some words of tayor that I think speak to. Really, of course, to all people, but I think speak particularly to the role of women in Torah. And let's say I know it not as much to the men. This is something we hope you can share with your husbands. Do you want to hear something funny, Mrs. Lubet? We did it again. Sir, I have a feeling. But this time it's my fault. This time it's my fault. I was running so fast today. I sent you the wrong she'er.

3:31 Baruch Hashem. This time it's my fault. No. We did it again. There's something. There's some kitzurah in Shamayim when it comes to this she'er. But anyway Baruch Hashem, I have the notes in front of me. The Gemara in the D'orim A well-known Gemara, Gemara that you know. If you don't know it, it's a very beautiful Gemara. Gemara says Ravina expressed the following idea: Why is it that Talmidei Chachamim very often do not have children that become Talmidei Chachamim Otherwise known as Rabbi's son syndrome? Did you grow up with a rabbi who had an off the dark kid? As everyone does, it's like where they say a school for children going off the dark. As if your father's a rabbi and your mother's a therapist. That's my wife's a therapist. My kids have no shot. Baruch Hashem. The Gemara doesn't accept that as a reasonable answer. The Gemara says Ravina Aimer. The Gemara lists many reasons, but Ravina says shein mevarchem b'taira tchila.

4:38 That talmidei chamim that do not make a bracha berchas h'taira before they learn, those are the children that don't become talmidei chamim. Which by itself is a very strange thing. We'll see. The Gemara continues. And it says, "Amr of Yehuda, Amrav, my dechsev, Mihayish, achocham, the Yavin asoys." Who is the man who is wise enough to understand this? This means the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. What was the cause for the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash? We all know what the cause was for the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. What was the cause? It's the first Beis Hamikdash. It's the Gemul Chamuros. Gilei Rish, Vichastam, Mavodzar. If it's the second base hamikdash, so then the second base hamikdash was because of sinas chinam. The Gemara says, 'Dovers and nishalach chachamim v'leneviim v'lo pirsu.' They asked the chachamim. They asked the neviim. Nobody was able to explain why the base of the Mikdash was destroyed.

5:43 Ad she pirsu, Hakadosh Baruch Hu ba'atzmai. Until Hashem Himself answered the question, which is of course already very strange That the Chachamim couldn't figure it out, the Naviim couldn't figure it out That Kadosh Baruch Hu Himself comes and He explains Dechive, as it says in the pasuk, Vayemer Hashem al ozvom es Torahsi Because they have abandoned my Torah Heinu lo shama bekayli, Heinu lo halchuba, they didn't listen to my voice, they didn't walk in its ways. So if we stop learning the Gemara at this point. We would have heard why we merited the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. Because we abandoned Hashem's Torah, we didn't listen to Hashem's voice, and we didn't walk in His ways. This is serious accusations. Amar of Yehuda, Amar Rav. Rav Yehuda says, 'In the name of Rav, what do all these things mean?' Sheein mevarchin b'taira tchila, because we did not make a berachas atayra first.

6:42 So this is a very strange Gemara. There are a number of questions that we have on this Gemara. First of all Talmidei Chachamim don't merit to have children who become Talmidei Chachamim because they're not making a bracha. That sounds like a very intense consequence. I'm not even sure technically how it would work out. The child doesn't see the father making a bracha. Maybe he's not awake. What does that mean? How is it like a kabbalistic thing? If you don't make a bracha, somehow it doesn't get transmitted. What exactly does the Gemara mean over here? And also, it seems like a very strange thing, bchalal, because what type of tamal chacham doesn't make a bracha satara? Rav Eisenstein is the Rav here. Is that we that is that like a controversial thing? I just said I don't want to step in. He's the Rav in Meshkafayim, and we're still working on our identity. We're not sure exactly where we stand.

7:41 We're kind of waiting to see how it plays out. B'seder, I understand. So let's just take revisons. Is there anybody here that doesn't believe revisons? He makes a briches atar. It's like a strange thing. What type of tamul chacham doesn't make a briches atar in the morning? Person sits all and he learns. He can't say briches atar is not like. I understand if someone says I can't say tachna. Tachna is very long. Briches atar is thirty seconds. What does it take briches atar already? The whole thing is a very strange thing. Second question we have. Is the Beis Hamikdash was destroyed because of the Gemul Hamuros? We know what we're talking about over here. So what's the Gemara saying? That's called the reason for the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash. We know the reason. So what's the Gemara talking about? Is another diac in the Gemara here, which I think is very important. This doesn't say Shlo Berchu Al Hatayra.

8:36 When you make a bracha al something, says Shlo'berchu bit taira tchila. They make a bracha in the taira. What is that language? Shlo'berchu bit taira tchila. Another question is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu needed to come and answer this himself. Meaning, if we have a generation of people that are not making a brachas at taira The nevi'im should have been able to discern this. The chachamim should have been able to discern this. Hakadosh Baruch Hu bechvayidai uvaatsmol needs to come to explain Shlo'berchu bit taira tchila. And another thing, if you go back to the actual Gemara itself, the Gemara says very intense things. The Gemara posts the Pesukim, Shelo Helchulba. They didn't walk in my ways. Al Azvam as Tairasi. These are Talmid Chachamim. They're learning Torah all day. So what does it mean, Al Azvam as Tairasi? They abandoned my Torah. They didn't make a bracha. They didn't abandon your Torah.

9:26 There's people learning Torah all day. Imagine they did every other mitzvah. So what does it mean that because Shelo Berchul BaTaira Tchila, that's called. That we abandoned the Kodesh Baruch Hu's Torah Lashama B'Kali. We didn't listen to his voice. That's a very extreme thing. That's like I don't mean to say it like this, but it's sometimes the way teenagers talk. Like I have no friends. You have no friends. I have two friends. You have two friends. I have five friends, and I trust two of them. It's like okay, but say that. Let's understand what we're talking about over here. Just on the Gemara alone, we have many, many questions. If you look in Shulchan Aruch, the Shulchan Aruch says that a person has to be very careful when it comes to reciting Berchas HaTayr. This is like a very important thing. Ostensibly, it's from this Gemara. You have to be very careful to recite Berchas HaTayr. And if you look in the Mishnah Berurah He's medayik that the Shulchan Aruch says that you have to be very careful to teach us that a person has to make the bracha of Berchas HaTayr with great simcha. He says that we have to express our kazratov to Hashem that we're the chosen nation and that we are desired by Hashem. That's what the Mishnah Berurah says.

10:35 So these are very intense kavanos for a bracha. The person has to recognize that I was chosen by Hakadosh Baruch Hu, that I'm beloved by Hakadosh Baruch Hu. They have to make the bracha with great simcha. This is what the Shulchan Aruch means. Understand, it's an important bracha. It's a berachas haTorah. Where do we get this idea from? It seems very intense. And if we continue to unpack the idea of berachas haTorah. We also see that there is only two brachos in the Torah that are medarais. What's the other one, aside from Berchas HaTorah? The Meshech Chachma points out that there is a difference between benching and Berchas HaTorah. When do we bench? We bench after we eat. We make a Berchas HaTorah before we learn. In the morning, we make a Berchas HaTorah. So we have to ask ourselves a question: What's the difference between these two brachas? Meaning, either I should bench before I eat Or I should make a brachas haTorah at the end of learning.

11:33 At the end of this year, we should all get up. We should make a nice brachas haTorah on the Torah that we just learned. That's what we do when we bench. So there's a kasha. The meshulachachma asks: Why do we see that it's switched? Mechla. There's a question that R' Salavitcha asks. Many ask this question: Why don't we have to make a continuing brachas haTorah throughout the day? For example, I eat. I'm finished eating. I have to make a new bracha. But when it comes to berachas atar, we make a berachas atar in the morning, and that lasts us for the entire day. Why? Why is that? Why don't you have to make a continuous berachas atar? So I want to share with you a ran. The ran brings our Abbeinu Yona. I have it here in English. I'm going to read it to you in English. A stunning Abbeinu Yona. He says. I found a hidden scroll of Rabbeinu Yona. The Ramban said he found a hidden scroll of Rabbeinu Yona.

12:26 That the Torah specified that because of Shelo Berchu B'Tarit Chilah So we lost the land. Because it is correct that the meaning, because of their forsaking my Torah, is as it sounds: they forsake the Torah and they did not occupy themselves with it. So he asks this question. Then why were the cham and the neviim not able to explain it? He says it's an obvious matter. Rather, they certainly always occupied themselves with taira, and hence the cham and the neviim could not understand why the land was lost. In other words, to stop here just for a moment. In the times of the destruction of the first Beis Hamikdash They were learning a tremendous amount of Tiyur, and the reason why the chachamim and the neviim were not able to understand what was going on is because when they looked at the people, they said, 'Are they learning Tiyur?' They said, 'What do you mean? Yeshivas are flourishing, schools are open, Dafyomi's, Eli Stefanski. Everybody was learning Tiyur in the times of the First Beis Hamikdash.

13:24 I am just happy because Merka's Dafyomi is on my block, so my real estate is through the roof because everybody wants to make Alia, who's from his Chaburah, the thirteen thousand people. I have nowhere to move, so it doesn't really help me. You all know the problem. Your real estate went up. You are like, where are we going? It's okay. Welcome to the club. So what happened? He says that Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself explained that He knows the heart's deep secrets. Shelo Berchub Atar Et Chila. That is The Torah was not all that important to them; it was deserving of reciting a blessing over it. They didn't occupy themselves with it. Lishma And as a result. They would scorn its blessings. That's what he says, the Rebbei Nysona. These people sat and learned Taira all day. And it meant nothing to them. It meant nothing to them. They didn't make a bracha over it because it's not a It's not a haligah thing. It's not a holy endeavor.

14:26 It's an intellectual pursuit. It's a shamak thing to do. It's a communal thing. But that it should mean something to me. That I should learn it lishma. That I should be connected to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. They didn't have. In other words, according to its intentions and l'shma, these are the words of Rav Chosid, and they are pleasing and worthy of the one who said them. This is what the Ran says in the name of the Rabeinu Yona. I want to share with you something I heard many years ago. Something that we've lost. A fellow in the neighborhood, his name is Seth Grossman. Some of your husbands may play ball with him. Seth Grossman was that? I'm sure he's a geshmaka guy. He said many years ago I heard this from him. That he was giving a dafyomi shir in Florida And who goes to a dafyomi shir in Florida? Especially, you're talking about 25 years ago, it was elderly people. Used to be, I don't know if you know this. Used to be, young people didn't live in Florida.

15:21 Today Reuven Goldberg made Florida a destination, only second there in Israel. It's like you have that choice: if you're living in New York now, should I make aliyah or go to Boca? I could get eight thousand dollars per kid, or I could get free tuition. I don't understand why people aren't making Aliyah more. So he took over a Dafyomi And he started saying over a Rashi And an elderly man in the audience got very upset and he said, "Stop! You're saying Rashi wrong." He was like, 'He didn't know he didn't know what he did wrong. He knew the Rashi. He said, "You don't start reading Rashi without saying Zok dehela Garashi." Used to be that when a person learned from his rebayim There was a kedusha there. Zok the holy Rashi. This is what holy Rashi says. When I was growing up, a young boy in yeshiva darke Torah in Frackway I came first from Hefter And Torah was taught in a certain type of way in hefter. And then I went to darkei. The transition for those of you that know hefter and darkei Anyone here know hefter and darkei?

16:25 So the transition from hefter to darkei. How should we say this nicely? It's one Yiddishkeit expressed in very different ways. That's one Eibishder expressed in very different ways. And you are walking through the halls of Darchei as a little boy And your rebbeim are saying Zakh the Helyg Rashi, and I never heard of Helyg before. I don't know who that was. I barely just started learning Rashi. But there was a chashivas hatorah. There was something in the air. That was different. It wasn't just Torah as a subject; it was a lifestyle. It was dripping off the lips of my rabbis. In Befrat, I had one rabbi. I had wonderful four rabbis and darkei. I had one rabbi plus Rabbi Bender. I had one rabbi that was a kadosh elyon. Have any of you heard of Rabbi Mordechai Finkelman? We heard him on Torah any time.

17:25 He's a chesidish guy. Comes from a modern Orthodox family And so he was able very much to relate to who I was as a kid. And to see him daven Is to see what it looks like for a malach to daven in Shamayim. I don't know how Rabbi Finkelman ended up on this earth. Everyone who has met him is convinced that somehow the neshamas got mixed up And a malach is living on this world. I'd get the kach that the eighth grade Rebbe and Darkei I once saw with my own eyes got down on all fours and kissed the ground that Rabbi Finkelman davened on. He kissed the ground. I have no idea why he did that. But as an eighth grader, I understood it was a very big thing that he was doing. Rabbi Finkelman, today he was my seventh grade Rebbe. Today is a mashgiach of a yeshiva called Aruchaim in Queens.

18:12 And he is the sweetest, gentlest, kindest man you'll ever meet. We Pasha didn't learn a word from him. We ran all over him the entire year. But if you see him daven, he's talking to Tasha. He's there's a relationship that he has with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and it was very obvious to us that learning Torah from him was learning the Torah that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave over to Klal Yisroel. In fact, I remember he used to tell us Trust your parents and trust your Rebbeim. He was in seventh grade, and he would say it, but not in an angry way. He'd say it in a very beautiful way, like trust your parents and trust your rebayim. We love you. We're not lying to you. And what was the mussar? Why did he want us so badly to trust our rebeyim? Because there's such a thing called mussar.

19:04 And if you don't trust your rebayim and you don't trust your parents, then you think my parents are lying to me. It's like what type of parent would lie to their child that the Torah came from Hashem? So there was like in the classroom there was like a real. Of course, we trusted Rabbi Finkelman; he would never lie. There's a rabbinicalulum in this classroom And we're living in a dar today that is fighting for making a berchasat Torah. What I mean to say is Learning Torah we have plenty of We have. Stefanski tells me he has over thirteen thousand people a day listening to his dafyomi. Thirteen thousand people a day is an enormous number. They have bad jokes. I want you to know I'm with you. I thought you were going to take a cookie. I admire the vulnerability of being a person who comes and takes a cookie.

19:59 If you want, I can. No. I can. I can only talk about the vulnerability. It's a whole different thing. When you give the shir, you don't have to actually practice preach. We know each other a very long time, so it's okay. Thank you. No idea what I was saying. I got so excited by the vulnerability of the cookie. We live in a generation of people that make these bad jokes. You ever hear these bad jokes? They talk about how many people are learning in Mir. I am not even going to say the punchline of the joke. They have all these silly jokes. How many people are learning in Mir Yeshiva? It's like ten thousand bacharim today in Mir Yeshiva. You go to Bnei Brak, the streets of Bnei Brak. Baruch Hashem, the streets of Beit Shemesh. People are learning a massive amount of Torah. Yeshivas today in America, it's amazing.

20:52 And at the same time, we're also living in a דור of not only children but adults, men and women Who, of course, we're saying the words. Nobody's not making a bracha in the morning. We're making brachas in the morning. But to feel connected to the Ebruster's Torah, it is exceptionally difficult. You should know in yeshivas, it's a real thing. I think it's less so in the seminaries. But in yeshivas, it's a real thing that there's a fight, there's an ego that's involved in yeshiva. I don't know if you know this, an ego Who's the top guy? It's the guy who understands shear the best, the guy that gets to learn with the Rebbe bechavrusa, the guy that gives to give the chazara shear. There's a stolz in yeshiva, and it's possible for a person to lose themselves completely to the gaiva of learning Torah. It's possible. And other Rebbe And I don't want to say anything bad about Klai Yisrael, but it's an important topic to talk about.

21:55 Sometimes those boys are rewarded, whether it's in covered from the Rebbe. Covered from each other, shaduchim. Remember when you were looking into your husband's? He's a good boy. He's a top boy. He's a serious learner. These are words. Excuse me, that we use to talk about boys. It's very possible for a person to be learning Torah and to be deeply disconnected. Aside from just the intellectual stimulation of it Which is no small matter Rav Asher Weiss has a good idea in our Gemara. We're privileged to live in a generation with Rav Asher Weiss. It's like we'll tell our kids, Rav Asher Weiss was our person. He says, "Shelo berchu b'atara tchila." Father, they made a bracha to the Torah, but they didn't make one first. They said it afterwards. What's the difference between a person that says a bracha before and then afterwards? So goes to the meshal chachma that we brought up earlier.

23:14 Before a person eats They're hungry. You don't need a bracha then. You're excited to eat. When you're satisfied and you're done and you're about to walk away from the table, the Torah tells us stop. And consider what you just did and where it came from. As we're leaving. With Torah, it's the exact opposite. With Torah, if you make a bracha afterwards, you're making a bracha on the geshmack of Torah. By making a bracha beforehand, when you haven't learned anything yet, you're recognizing the godliness of Torah. That's what our job is. Our job is to recognize the godliness of Torah. Children who don't see their parents. Is a harsh thing what I'm going to say. I wouldn't say it on my own. Children who don't see the godliness in their parents, who don't see Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the home They're not as interested. My father is a big Tamochachem.

24:17 What's that got to do with me? Maybe I'm not as Matsliach in yeshiva. I won't say his name because it's not a nice thing to say. But there was a certain Gadol Hador A Gadol Hador. That is a difference in gadol b'tair and a gadol hador. A gadol hador who had a child who did not follow in his father's footsteps, to say the least. And this gadol hador said about himself again. I know it on good authority. I'm not saying the gadol's name. I don't know if I have rishus to say it publicly. This gadol hador said about himself. My mistake was that at the Shabbos table, I said over Rambams and I didn't sing Shabbos mirus. And if my child went in the way that he did, it was because I didn't sing Shabbos meals at the table, and I said over Rambams, meaning a tremendous Talmachachem for sure. I'm sure the Torah that he said over—I'm sure all the Talmidim in his yeshiva would have given anything to be at that Shabbos table. I'm sure that right away after Shabbos they would have gone; they would have written up every word of Torah that he said. It would have been unbelievable svarim that would have come out from the Rambams that he said over his Shabbos table.

25:28 But a kid needs to see us close our eyes and sing Kaddish. A kid needs to see a geshmak at a Shabbos table. A child needs to see laughter at a Shabbos table. Is Simcha at a Shabbos table? Sometimes I think we think that a Shabbos table has to be like this, like we shouldn't waste words at the Shabbos table or say the wrong thing. A Shabbos table needs to be a place where people are having a good time. That should be the way that we raise our children. What happens at a Shabbos table? Abba makes Ema laugh at a Shabbos table. There's covered given for each other at a Shabbos table. Who If a kid doesn't want to keep Shabbos, why would you not want to keep Shabbos? Because I'm bored and I want to be on my phone. But what went wrong before that? You're bored. You want to be on your phone. I understand.

26:18 We were all bored. Remember? Remember we were bored also Shabbos afternoon. We're not so much older than these kids. What happened? As Shabbos didn't get longer, it's the same three, four-hour Shabbos afternoons. You'll say they don't know how to play with each other. They don't hang out at each other's houses. They're not used to looking at each other in the face. Everyone has their times, but it's much before that. Shabbos is awesome. Shabbos was awesome when we were growing up. We weren't always the frumest kids. We didn't always do the right thing, but Shabbos was a place where we had a fun time. I tell you, I'm very blessed. I really grew up in a very wonderful family. I didn't always know that, but Baruch Hashem, I really grew up in a very wonderful family, and my father and mother are both balei tshuva, and my father never went to yeshiva in his life, never had the opportunity. So I grew up, and my father used to say, "A little learning never hurts," so let's learn as little as possible.

27:08 This is my rebellion. And my mother is running to shiurim every single minute. If you ever see my mother, I promise you, you've only seen her at a shiur. That's what she does. It's like a joke in my house. That somebody sent in a wedding invitation. Remember they used to have wedding invitations? Remember? So somebody sent a wedding invitation and it had an RSVP card in it, and my father hung it up on the door, and it said, "Mitch is not coming." That's my father's name. Paula is coming, and she wants to know if there'll be a shiur. That's what's on. That's like my mother. My father, not so much. My mother is like running. She's insatiable. She cannot get enough taira inside of her. But I had a friend growing up whose father sat over Rambams at the Shabbos table. Wasn't Rambam's, but it was Rambam's. You know what I mean? And he ran away from it. He posh it ran away from. He used to on Shabbos morning come in and say to me Can you please invite me over to your house for lunch? I just don't want to be home because if I'm home, my father's going to make me learn with him afterwards, and I don't want to be learning with him afterwards. By the way, this guy wasn't a smart guy. It was painful for him to learn. He didn't know what was going on.

28:11 So I used to go to my father. Could we have him for lunch? And I would say about sixty percent of the time we had him for lunch. And if not, he would say to me, "You have to end lunch early and come pick me up so that I don't have to learn with my father." And I'm telling, I would be over with lunch, and my father would say, 'No, you gotta go. You gotta go pick him up. You gotta save him from that learning.' The problem wasn't the learning. The problem was that it was cold, and there was a lack of simcha. There was a lack of a lotus at the Shabbos table. Wasn't the learning. His father used to give him mivtza. He used to get money. When we were younger, his father used to give bakery cookies. I started staying for the learning because I liked the cookies. But there was a gishmak in Torah. There was a rabbanisalam there. Come be there, I'm chal say lo rov la lechem v'loit samalamayim kilim meshmais d'vayashem. In the times of Mashiach, we won't be hungry or thirsty for bread or water. We'll have plenty of Torah.

29:08 You go to dafyomi siyumim. You'll see hundreds of thousands of Jews learning dafyomi. Yeshivas—they can't open up yeshivas fast enough. Do you know that they cannot open up yeshivas fast enough? Seminaries for sure. If you open up a seminary in the yeshivish world, it will be full within the first thirty seconds of opening—a hundred girls at a time. It's amazing. The olam ha'tayr is growing like crazy, and what are people thirsty for? They're thirsty for divrei Hashem. Because it's possible for us to learn Torah and not have what very often the mothers bring to a home Which is. It's the father might know the halacha, and the father might say over the var Torah at the Shabbos table, but there's Shema b'ni Musar Avicha va'Al Tita Shiras Imecha. The Torah belongs to women. The Musar belongs to the father. As a Musar, father comes with the Musar and he says, "It's what my Rebbe learned. It's what my Rebbe told me. I asked this Shiloh. This is what we do."

30:02 But there's what we do, and there's what we are, and that very often comes from the women of the home. It's tacitly true. We all know this. You know this as well as I do. We don't say it a lot, but we all know it's true. They say behind every great man is a great woman. But we all know that it's really true. If you meet the Rav of Ashul and then you meet his wife, it makes much more sense. You're not talking about like he's great He's great. Without her He's a zero. He's a zero. I know this because. Sometimes I knew those guys when they were twenty, twenty one and twenty two years old, and I saw those guys in the dorms. I was with those guys in the dorms, and I promised you I used to ask myself the question. How is this chaver of protoplasm like? That's what we basically were, just like walking protoplasm. How are we going to adult? I used to ask myself this question. So I would see the crazy things that would happen in the dorms.

31:01 A chaver of mine, I'm not going to tell you who he is. He's a very chash of talmud chachem today. But a chaver of mine when we were in yeshiva. Somehow procured a very expensive bubble machine. A bubble machine is like you blow bubbles, so it does that to the tune of hundreds of bubbles a minute. And he turned it on and left the dorms. And he went to Seder. And the windows of our dorms were open And the av Beit of our yeshiva got a phone call from the person who ran maintenance, who was looking on his computer screen. Because all of a sudden, out of the windows, because the windows were open, it was a very nice spring day. Thousands of bubbles were blowing out the windows of our apartment, and the av Beit comes running into the basement, and he comes running over to this guy who today is a very chashev tamachachem. He goes, "What is going on in your dorms?" The guy goes, "We don't know what's going on in the dorms." He goes, "There's bubbles coming out everywhere." So we ran back to the dorm. Our entire dorm was full of bubbles, like thousands and thousands of bubbles everywhere.

32:03 And I was like, "You left the bubble machine on?" He goes, "Yeah, I thought I didn't." This, if I would tell you his name today, you would all go. There's no way. He bought a bubble machine. This was like a serious thought that he had. I can't tell how many benedir, how many real talmidei chachamim were morons. There's no other nice way of saying they were posh morons. And when we were dating, I want you to know that we had kashes on people like you. Why in the world would you marry us? Because we couldn't understand for the life of us why anyone here would be able to get married. And slowly but surely, everyone paired off. And the people that I grew up with today are chashavatamidei chachamim, are rabbanim of shuls and communities and yeshivas. And when you meet, it's like I'll say myself, I cannot tell you how many boys in yeshiva come over to me with an embarrassed look on their face. They ran into a chaver of mine from back in the day, and they go, "Rabbi, I have regards for you from Aaron."

32:55 Aaron is one of many names, but it's specifically always Aaron. I have regards because he lives here in Eretz Yisrael. I have regards for him from Aaron. I was in Modiin for Shabbos. I said, did he call me by my English name? Because they get that embarrassed look on their face. They go, he did. He sends regards to your English name. So it's okay. It's not Voldemort. I grew up as Matburg. You are Matburg as a Rebbe. And then he always tells them the same two stories that are very veiled inappropriate things that happened when I was sixteen years old. And they don't know. They're like, I'm supposed to say Egyptian rat screw. And I'm like, okay, Beseder. Thank you very much for reminding me of that time when I was sixteen years old. Some people get a gishmak from saying these things. We know what happened. We know these young men got married. And were educated in a home of this is what it looks like to be a human being.

33:42 There's something that we see when a boy gets married, there's a change that a woman brings him. It's not like an academic thing. My, I had an opportunity to speak with my wife today. I speak to my wife in general. My wife and I had a speaking engagement today together. And one of the women asked the question What happens if your husband doesn't necessarily have the same level of sophisticated emotional language that you have? It's probably not any of you. Your husbands, I'm sure, all have very sophisticated language of validation and empathy and holding space. And I'm sure all of you are wonderful. This particular woman had this issue, so my wife was like. Sometimes men need to be taught what it looks like to be a human being in a conversation with a female. And I'm looking there, and I'm the only man in the room.

34:41 I don't take offense to this, but I don't because I remember, in the beginning of my marriage, also trying to fix it and trying to do all the things that everybody does. There's an essence, there's a kedusha of etira that comes from something a woman brings to a home. Your husband could say over all the Torah in the world, but if you think your kids aren't paying attention to the way that you light Shabbos candles, if I'm being honest with you, in a certain way, your bracha on your Shabbos candles, with or without meaning with that bracha, without that bracha, the nafkamina in the home is massive. It is the simple shot of the Gemara that the father didn't make a bracha first. The father made his brachos. I'm telling you that there wasn't a sviva in the home of Berchu Batayet Chila. It's not the husband who is a Tamu Chacham who didn't make a bracha.

35:31 There's not a sviva. There's not an environment in the home of making a bracha first. The Mishnahavah says that if you forget a piece of Torah, it's a capital crime. You're liable to punishment by death for that. Who amongst us hasn't forgotten a piece of Torah? You ever do that thing where you snap? You're like trying to remember something. I think I once remembered something I heard right. You're mischayv benafsho. You're punished. That's punishable by death. It's not what the Mishnah means. It means that there's such a thing called taira that you're connected to. Al kiddush baruchu, who's chayyachayim, is the source of all life. How if a person is connected to chayyachayim, they don't forget. I heard from Rabbi Simmon Jacobson. Rabbi Simmon Jacobson is Rabbi Yai's brother. Before Rabbi Yai Jacobson was famous, Rabbi Simmon Jacobson was famous. For the older crowd in the room, Rabbi Simmon Jacobson was the original. He was the very cool one first.

36:25 Rabbi Simmon Jacobson and his brother Rabbi Y Jacobson had very choshev positions. They were called choizrim for the Lubavitcher Rebbe. What did that mean? The Rebbe used to speak over Shabbos sometimes eight, nine, or ten hours. Of course, they wanted to write that in Lubavitch. They write down everything. If the Rebbe coughed, they write it down. Mam is write down every single word. What songs the Rebbe said to sing first? It's a beautiful thing. They write down everything. That's why you have so many volumes of Torah. There's more volumes of Torah from the Lubavitcher Rebbe than there is from any gadol in the last five hundred years. They wrote down every single thing that he said. Maybe longer than that even. How do you write down what somebody said for eight hours? Especially if you've gone on YouTube and watched the Rebbe's video. You ever watched the Rebbe's videos? Everyone's gone to. What's YouTube for if it's not for the Rebbe's videos? We all know it's. Wherever we go from there is a different question. But we start off at that gem. Let's see where it takes us. The Rebbe didn't speak in a normal way. You ever hear the Rebbe? He spoke like the words fell out of his mouth like a waterfall.

37:22 It wasn't a normal way of speaking. It's not. No human being would ever speak that way. It just falls out of his mouth. In fact, Rabbi Salavetchik said, "He says I consider myself a good teacher, but I can never do what the Rebbe does. He speaks for hours at a time with no papers in front of him, with no notes. Not because he printed the wrong ones. He just didn't have it, and he just said." And they would. There was a group of ten to fifteen young men. And they would listen to what the rebbe said, and then after Shabbos they would stay up all Matzah Shabbos, and they would write everything that he said over. The rebbe would check it on Sunday, make the corrections. They would write it up again Sunday night. It would get printed on Monday. The Chazarsheir was Tuesday. Rabbi Yalkanson, the tzaddik of Rakhis, would give the Chazars heir. If Simon Jacobson said an unbelievable thing, how do you memorize eight hours worth of material?

38:09 How many of us are so tired in our life that even to memorize forty-five minutes of material, we're like, I don't have time to write it down. I had to put five forty-five this morning. I barely know what I'm talking about right now. To repeat what I said tomorrow, I don't even remember what I said half the time. How could they know it? Eight ten hours. So you'll say they were geniuses. They had autodidactic memories. They were able. It's not true. Simon Jacobson said it was a din in Anivus. It was total humility. They humbled themselves before the words, and therefore they just naturally were connected to it, and they were able to repeat it over. It's like anyone here a therapist? Anyone else, therapist? You be a speech therapist too. Physical therapist, occupational therapist. Is anyone here an aqua therapist or a lifeguard? Whatever we say, everyone has their own.

38:55 So you have to take notes for your clients. So when you're doing, you're writing notes while they're talking. Because it's not so nice. Nobody wants to be sitting there. So how do you remember what they said? It's not a din. It's not a dinnin genius. If you really care about somebody, I don't know if I could do it ten hours later. I don't know if I could do it at the end of a Shabbos, but if you really care, the flow of the conversation doesn't take you so long to write up. Ten minutes. Not even, because you were present when they were really talking. It's a hard thing to do. This is what the Rabbana Shammai's saying: Are you present with my Torah? Are you connected? Have you humbled yourself? With Shelo Berchu, not ala Torah, bit Torah. Do you see that Torah itself is your source? Brecha Baruch from a question of source. Torah yourself, itself, your source. This is what we're looking at.

39:42 The challenges of shuus, and the physical challenge of shuus of not having a place to go, and your husband needing quiet. We should make some sort of gemach. A couple of husbands should stay with a couple of other husbands in a high floor apartment, and we'll have a little gang, and we'll put out pastries and cheesecake for the women, and they can. The rabbi could be a very nice time. We'll make a very nice thing. That's not the problem. It's a problem, and it's not the problem. The problem is we feel so disconnected from it, and it's like, wait a second, it's not about staying up all night. That's an expression of our avasatir that we stay up all night. And the truth of the matter is that everybody knows that the learning that you do at night is not so kishmak because at four o'clock in the morning, who's learning well? And the davening is certainly not kishmak, and half the place lefachot is asleep during ruse. Sometimes you wonder, is this like a smart minig? And then you remember avam et galkel sasashura because we're so in love with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, we do strange things.

40:38 But then you have women who are like, I don't feel connected to it. But it's not about how much Torah you learned. Of course, that's important. That's why when Mrs. Lubat came to me a year ago and asked how we could get more Torah into our community, I said I'm in. Whatever we have to do to help women learn more, of course we can. We have to be a part of it. We have to do our best. But it's not about the quantity of Torah that you learn. It's about whether this is your breichas? Is this your source? Is it alive in your home? And that's not something you could leave up to your husbands. Because if your husband goes out to night seder Your kids don't see that They see it, but they don't know what Tati really did when he went out for night seder. They know he went out. How much time he spent learning. I was like, he's out, and it's good for husbands to be out. Let him go.

41:26 That's something that's in the home. That's not something like I could come home and say, and I prepared the very Torah for my Shabbos meal. I'll tell you the truth. In my house, I wish I could tell you that my house, the dvar Torah were on fire. My kids cannot pay attention to me for two seconds flat. We have girls that come for Shabbos, and they're like, 'Tell my daughters, are you crazy? You're talking in the middle of your father's dvar Torah. Do you know that we paid, they pay their seminary, like a tzedakah thing? Like, who could earn the right to go to the Bergs house for Shabbos? And you're talking, my kids are like He's just Abba to us. My kids are not paying attention. I have one daughter who says Abba, short and sweet. She's a very good girl. She's much more like her than her father, but she doesn't want me to go on one of these like twenty step dvar Torah where like everything connects to every other thing. She wants there to be Torah at the Shabbos table. What does she really want? She wants to sing.

42:17 She wants to sing. That's a berchu b'Torah tchila experience. That's not something that a woman is disconnected from. Other Abba, in many ways, that's more on a woman than it is on a man because you know that your husbands are going to stay over. A sophisticated dvar Torah. They were in R. Sobolovsky's chair. They heard an idea. They heard something from Weinberger. They're excited about it. I read something in the Lost Princess, whatever, whatever thing that they have. I quoted Lost Princess. I am saying, there is an idea here that I think is deeper. I just want to finish with this. This is what the Shochanarch means. We have to be very careful. We have to be very, very, very careful with Berchsatayr. What does that mean? We have to be very careful with it. It means. When we make a berachas Torah, it has to be something that permeates our lives and our homes.

43:09 It's not just something we like to rattle off of our mouths. I made a berachas Torah. Stop in the morning And you make last like the divrei Torah. I'm gonna be aysik in this. Aysik in it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm learning it for 24 hours a day. It means when I'm in it, I'm aysik in it. Like you want your husbands to not be on their phones while they're talking to you. They want you to be aysik. It's something that's alive in our lives. Asher bacharbanu b'kol amim. It's a feeling like the Mishnah Berurah says, 'I'm happy. I was chosen. This is a big deal.' Reftner said It used to be There's Asher bacharbanu b'kol amim, and nasalano es toraso. So he said, "It used to be that nasalano es toraso was really, really hard to keep the Torah, to keep the mitzvos was very, very hard But every Jew knew Asher bacharbanu. He asked a Jew who wasn't religious back in the day, 'Are you a Jew?' They said, 'We are proudly.' Today we can keep all the halacha in the world, but if you ask a kid, I share bacharbanu, he says you're a chosen nation. A kid says, 'This is a disease. This is a gullus disease. Why? What makes me chosen? Why am I better than anybody else?'

44:13 Rebbeinu Shlom, I'm amish. Think in our generation, we have to teach kids. It's a crazy thing. Jewish pride, it's a real thing that we have to teach kids today. I never in my life thought Jewish pride would be something that I have to give a she'er about. It's in yeshiva. Good boys. Are you proud to be Jewish? We mean proud. What exactly do you mean by that? I mean every heritage in the world is walking around the world today. Everybody is like taking on names from their tribal ancestors, even though they grew up in the Bronx. It was like the tribal ancestors. What do you mean? I'm proudly But he is like no. But I have an English name, and I don't wear my yarmulke, and I don't wear my tzitzit. Baruch Hashem, at least here in Eretz Yisrael, there's still a notion of some of a greater sense of pride. But in America, for sure, we're seeing a lot of kids lose these things. It's something we have to re instill in our homes. It's something we have to re invigorate in our lives.

45:03 We say in Dayenu that if Hakadosh Baruch Hu had only brought us to Har Sinai, dayenu. I but what about the giving of the Torah? Coming close is worthy of a dayenu Even if we never got the Torah. Just being close to Hakadosh Baruch Hu dayenu. We should be zeicher to say ad dayenu in our lives. We should be zeicher to say we receive the taira, but not only do we receive the taira, but we feel close to Hakadosh Baruch Hu in our lives. And if you're exhausted And if you're falling asleep right now as I'm speaking, and you're barely making it over the course of a day, because the kids are running you crazy, and you're working, and you're dealing with a million things, and you feel like you don't have anything left, I want you to know that the two seconds that you take to care, to close your eyes, to daven, your kids will see it. And it'll be a berchu b'torah tchila experience And I bless all of us. This matan Torah.

45:55 We should be zeicha to have homes where there's kivas alokim l'tov. Have a wonderful yontif. Please. The question they asked in the beginning of why don't we say every time we learn something because it's part of our consciousness I never answered it no so that's what sticks with me all the time is that throughout the day Your Torah could be a million things. It is a chassidish shemaisa of a chassid who came to his rebbe for Yom Kippur. And it's like one of these real chassidish shemaisas. The wagon broke down a million times until he got there. It was mamish the last second before Yom Kippur. He barely had time to do anything, and he comes in grimy into the beis medrash, and the rebbe is wishing everybody a gemarch simetayva. And he gets to the rebbe, and the rebbe pulls him in close. What does that mean? The rebbe pulls you in close. That's like a big deal. The rebbe is going to taysling. He pulls him in close and he says to him There's a widow out in the forest who's sick, and she's elderly, and she needs somebody to take care of her.

47:06 And she needs somebody to mamish chop wood. It's hakhanus nefashas. You have to chop wood, and you have to cook, and you have to feed her. And if you need to eat yourself in order to have strength to do it. And the chassid is so disappointed. He traveled all this way to come by his rebbe, and now his rebbe is sending him to be mechal yantif. He's not going to be by his rebbe for yantif, but if the rebbe said, what's he going to do? The rebbe is locked. So he goes and he all Yom Kippur. He eats whatever he has to eat. Of course, only shirim, the smallest amount. But he feeds her and he's cooking. He's doing everything he can to save this woman's life. And finally he gets her to a place where she's sleeping and she's good and she's healthy and she's taken care of. And he looks up in the sky and he says, "I think I could make it back for Neila." And he's running through the forest and he's trying to make it back to his rebbe. And he gets there just as Neila finishes. He missed a ganzer yam kippur by his rebbe, and he is so disappointed. But at least he could stand in line and wish his rebbe a gutiar.

48:00 So he's waiting on line. He's waiting on line, and finally he gets to the rebbe. And the rebbe is shaking every person's hand, and he gets this chassid And the rebbe pulls him in close again. And everyone wants like everyone's like trying to crowd in to hear what's the Rebbe going to say And the Rebbe whispers in his ear, "Beryl" Good kedavened. He davened well. Beryl didn't say a word of davening. He davened well. He davened when he was chopping wood. He davened when he was feeding her. He davened when he was eating himself. It's all b'bechinas davening. Our taira could be changing diapers. It could be speaking nicely to our children. It could be speaking nicely to our husbands. It could be the self care of taking care of ourselves. So that we can be a mensch to take care of these children, this is all bavachinas taira. It's all bavachinas taira. It's everything that we do is part of this lifestyle that we have. That's a taira centric lifestyle. It's a beautiful idea that you're saying. Okay. The final awkward moments of the year. We used to do questions. We're not doing any more questions. We're done. Anybody have questions? Awkward enough.