Pinchas - Surrounded by His Name: When Hashem Restores Our Identity

3:00 Sefer Bamidbar, in general, is called Sefer Rabbikudim. It's the Book of Numbers, the census of Kali Yisrael. Already at the very beginning of our sefer, but again, now after coming out forty years in the Midbar, in Parshas Pinchas, we have another census. At first glance, it appears to be like any other census that we have, except when the Torah is counting the names of the families, rather than saying the mispacha of Hanoch, the mispacha of Palu, or the mispacha of Chetzron, so the Torah says Hachanochi, Hapaluhi, Hachetzroni, the names are surrounded by a he and a yud. Rashi quotes the Medrash, and Medrash explains that

3:59 The markers of the world, from the Ga'elim of the world, from the nations of the world, they said, 'You think you know where your families are? You think you know where you come from? In Eretz Yisrael, they ruled over your bodies. Past us, if they ruled over your bodies, they took advantage of your mothers also. And you should know, you're not so kadosh.' You Yidden, you think you know who you are? You should know you're Egyptian. They didn't have all these fancy DNA tests that we have today. A chaver of mine took a DNA test, it came back that he was 97% Jewish. It's okay, it's enough. I don't know exactly where the other three percent were. 97% is Jewish. They didn't have those DNA tests back then. It's a very big deal. They didn't have them. They needed them, right?

5:02 So Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes to testify, and Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "You should know your lineage is pure. Your mothers have never been taken advantage of." So Hakadosh Baruch Hu puts his name, a hey and a yud, in front of all the family names, a hey, and at the end, a yud, to testify, Shiftei K'Edus Israel, that the name of Hashem is an edus for us. The obvious question that all the mafharsim ask is, who exactly is the Rebbeinu I'm talking to? He's talking to the nations of the world. He's telling the nations of the world, "You're making fun of Palestine, and you're saying this leitzamos that their mothers are taking advantage of." And what's going to happen? I thought Hashem is going to put a hay in the yud in front of our names, and all of a sudden the scoffers and the mockers are just going to go away. It's not the way real life works. The answer is, we know that if you try to answer, if you try to

5:55 To reason, to argue with a person who's coming from a place of making fun, of trying to take things down, taking serious things and trying to diminish them. Those people always double down on their late songs. So who's that Talmud scholar who's speaking to? The Sfas Emes, I'm sorry, Chasam Sofer, asks another question. He says, according to Rashi, if the Hey and the Yud are there to answer this question of the Mitzrayim, then it should have already been in the very first census that we have. Why now? Why after 40 years in the midbar? Now Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes and he says, "I have to put a hay in the yud in front of your name." 40 years ago, you could have done this. Why only now at the end? So Talmud Rabe says like this, and Tzmad is a spinning vault. The Gemara in Sanhedrin tells us that after the Ma'aseh between Dabru Melach and Batsava, Dabru Melach davened. He davened to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

6:54 Skiosniyavin, who can discern mistakes? Meaning, David Melch was davening that the Rebbeinu Shlom should forgive him for all of his unintentional aveiros. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu forgave him. And then David Melch davened and he said, 'Ministerelus nakeini.' You have to cleanse me also, not just from my unintentional mistakes, but also from the mistakes that are hidden. Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, 'I forgive you for those also.'

7:24 And then David Hamelach says, "Gam meizidim chashav abdeth." Also for those sins that I did on purpose, for my meizidim, I also need you to forgive me for that. And I promise you, God who forgives him for that too. And then David Hamelach davens and he says, "Al yim shulubi." And the Gemara explains, what does it mean, "Al yim shulubi"? "Al yim shulubi" means that David Hamelach was asking that the chachamim should not speak negatively at that point. And the Talmi Rebbe asks, he says. What's David Melitz so worried about over here? That the Chachamim are going to speak negatively of Avraham? That he's building up to this? Forgive me for my unintentional sins. Say that you're forgiven. Forgive me for my hidden sins. Say that you're forgiven. Forgive me for the averus that I did on purpose. Say that you're forgiven. Now at the very end, crescendo, David Melitz says, "Please, Rabbenu Shem, don't let them speak negatively about me." So Talmud Rebbe says all this. I'm going to say it in my way, but I think it's what Talmud Rebbe means.

8:24 We are all born in the gaze of another. We didn't just pop into this world with a sense of self. It's not the way it's not the way a human being operates. We are loved. We are so deeply loved by our community, by our families, by our parents, by our siblings, by our schools, by our basiakhs. We're so deeply loved. And the way that we're seen—that's what gives us a sense of self. We didn't just pop into the world. I know who loved me into being. I have so much gratitude for those people that stuck by me in my worst moments and my lowest moments. That they didn't see me with a tzaraas ayin. If a child chas v'shalom la'aleinu is seen by big people is everyone.

9:23 But by big people, by the people that we think are big. If a kid gets in trouble in camp, and his division head yells at him, in that child's mind, it's a big person who's yelling at me. And it doesn't work to yell at children. It doesn't work to try to force them to behave by looking at them with contempt. Adravu, it does the exact opposite. It destroys people. People need to be seen for who they deeply are, especially in their lowest moments. That's how we're born. That's not just physically born. That's how we grow up. A child who's seen fundamentally by his parents as awesome, that child becomes awesome. I want to share with you. I don't think I have permission, even though he said it publicly. I don't think it would be right for me to say it publicly. But a well-known ruff, a person who's a big mashpiya in Kallah Yisrael today. I'm confident that.

10:20 Everybody in this room has heard at least a couple of shiurim from this Rav, a very well-known person. I want you to know, I knew him in high school, and he was psychotic. He was crazy. He was so crazy that at his eighth-grade graduation, the principal turns to the next principal of the high school, and he turns to him, and out loud, in front of everybody, goes, "He's your problem, man." And he didn't make it. The truth is, he didn't make it through all of high school. In 12th grade, already they told him maybe it's best for you not to come to school in 12th grade. Don't worry, we'll still give you a diploma. I met this kid. He's a couple years younger than me. I'm very close with his older brother. I met him when he was sitting on the steps of his house playing guitar. His entire senior year, he had nothing to do. Today is a big mashpiya. And he was asked, "What's the shot that you were able to become such a person?"

11:20 And he said it was his mother, and it's true. I know his mother. His mother thinks the world of him. She managed to think the world of him. No matter what he did wrong, no matter how many times he got in trouble, his mother just thought he was amazing, and he believed her. That's the way we operate. Big people in our lives tell us how we're meant to see ourselves. David and Melchizedek are saying, 'Yerubanish olam.' The danger here is not that I'm not going to get your forgiveness. Of course, I could ask for your forgiveness, and the Rebbe will readily forgive. The Talmud Rebbe explains, you know what David Arad was saying? The Rebbe said, even if you forgive me, but if big people in this world look at me and they say, 'There goes David Arad, who did that Avir with Batsheva,' I'm going to believe them. It's going to impact the way that I see myself, and that's the danger.

12:18 The danger is not that I did an avera. The danger is I'll do an avera and they won't let me recover. A person needs to be seen, even if he's a big person, even if he's Davar Melech. A person needs to be seen as good, and especially when we've made mistakes, and especially when we find ourselves in funny places doing funny things. Dafka, those are the times that we need to double down. And we can tell somebody you did something wrong, but not Chassid Shalom in a way that diminishes them, only in a way that lifts them up, only in a way that gives them permission to see themselves for who they truly are. Because if you start to think that you're your lowest moment, the game is already over. But if you think, okay, to say that I made a mistake, but I'm still good, a person can always be Chassid. You know what means Yechus?

13:16 Yichus. When I was a kid, in my family we didn't have yichus. We didn't come from anything chassuf. Avram Yitzchok Yaakov. But in the recent generations, both of my parents were balei tshuva. My grandmother was a balei tshuva at 70. But I didn't come from a chassuf rabbinic family. I didn't get to say that I had a father or a zaydi. I didn't even get to say that I had that my father learned in this yeshiva or my grandfather learned in that yeshiva. You weren't really part of the Jewish community in that way. That's what it means to be from a family of Balik Tzivos. You're there, but you always feel a little bit like you're not a part of it. And there's a sense, especially if you're around people that have Yifos. And for three and a half years of my educational career, I was in a yeshiva where I don't want to say every boy in my class, but almost every boy in my class was the son of a very posh Berach.

14:15 Big Rabbanim, and there was a certain sense of elitism that came with it. There was a sense of like, do you know who I am? My grandfather learned in Baranovitch. My grandparents were from Mir. Everybody survived the Holocaust. My parents were American as apple pie. Everybody came. They were already in America in the early 1900s. I didn't have any yechos, and there was a sense that I was less than. Of course, the people who have real yechos don't speak that way. The people who have real yechos always say like, yechos is like a potato. The best part is underground. They don't try to make themselves anything from their yechos. But the emphasis there is a real concept of yechos. The real concept of yechos is I come from somewhere.

15:10 And I see myself in a certain sense because I have a father and a grandfather and a great grandfather. And I wasn't born on an island. I see myself in a certain way because I come from a great family. And comes along these rishonim and they say to Klal Yisrael, you think you come from somewhere great? You should know how the world sees you. And the yid is not so strong. To be able to say to the entire world, I don't care how you see us. It hurts. Everybody in this room is hurting a little bit right now from the way that we're spoken about in the media and the way that we're seen. I try to make kaddish in shomayim now more than ever before, no matter where I am, just to be able a little bit that there'll be some guy out there who will perhaps have a more positive experience with yidden than what he's seeing is happening in the media.

16:03 Messed around with the guy at Hertz when he's giving me my car and I'm leaving, just to smooth him. His name was Hillo. Hillo, gentleman who works in the booth in Hertz. If you're ever in Newark Airport, very smart guy. I started explaining to him. I said, 'You should know. You have a very Jewish name.' It was a fascinating conversation. It hurts. It hurts to be seen the way that we're being seen today. It hurts in a very deep way. It hurts when the nations of the world turn to us and say, 'You should know you're not who you think you are. Your grandparents they weren't so kabbush. You should know the Midrashim were there, and the Midrashim took advantage of your grandmothers, and it hurt.' So Kabbush Baruch who comes along and Kabbush Baruch who says, 'Not Chassid Shalom, not for one second, not Chassid Shalom, to speak to the nations of the world that are mocking us. He comes to speak to us, and the Rebbe in his home says.'

16:57 It's my hay and it's my yod around your name. I'm testifying to your greatness. This is why it has to happen now. Why does it have to happen 40 years later? Let it happen right away in the beginning of the midbar. You know why it couldn't happen then? Because in the beginning of the midbar they knew their parents. They said, 'You think that happened to my mother? My mother was a kabbos. My mother never would have allowed that to happen to her.' So they didn't have, they couldn't say it, they couldn't make that leitzanis in the very beginning of the midbar. They could only make it 40 years later. And 40 years later, maybe they're takerites, maybe we're nothing. And imagine yourself on the precipice of going into Eretz Yisrael. To go into Eretz Yisrael, to build Eretz Yisrael, takes unbelievable courage, takes unbelievable gevura.

17:45 To be able to walk into a land and to fight wars and to build and to struggle and to go through everything that it takes at exactly that moment, and we're at that moment in history again. We're also building Eretz Yisrael today. To walk into that fire takes an unbelievable amount of gevura. I have a sense of self. I could do a hard thing. That's what every one of you is doing. Every one of you is here this summer doing a hard thing. One guy said to me, and I'm not surprised. He said, 'Rebbe, you should know. Since I'm here, I've grown tremendously. It's only been three days, but I really feel like I'm growing such a strong sense of self.' Of course he is. Of course he is, because that's what happens when we do very hard things. When we do very hard things, it's like, 'Whoa! Look what I produced! Look what I achieved! That's an unbelievable thing!' But what I would want to say back to this young man, and I want to say to every one of us, is

18:43 How did we get the courage to walk in those doors to begin with? How did you know that you could do this very hard thing? It's because somebody told you there's a yud naha around your name. There's somebody that testified that you're unbelievable, that you're a kadosh, that you come from kadosh elyainim. That's what gives us the ability to do these incredibly hard things. And so Dafna, on the precipice of going into Eretz Yisrael, when it was dangerous, because I don't know who my grandparents were. They could come and they could say, "I got you. You're nothing, you're a nobody," and then we wouldn't have been able to take over Eretz Yisroel. A parnasimar who comes and he testifies to us like a loving father, and he says, "You should know, I knew your grandparents, and I knew your great grandparents, and their lineage is pure, and your yichus is rock solid. You come from someplace, and you can achieve great things. A yid who's confident in his history is confident in his destiny."

19:40 If I know where I came from and I'm strong where I came from, I could achieve unbelievable things. We're sitting here now on the verge of rebuilding the Beit Hamikdash. It's mamish. It's we're mamish holding by any day now. Judah said a couple of times today how he feels like pouring millions of dollars into Park Slope, New York, to build this place. How could I not be building Eretz Yisrael? And I want to say back publicly to my dear friend, I strongly disagree. You're building Eretz Yisrael, and these buildings are going to come when Mashiach comes. These buildings, every one of these bunkhouses, this beis medrash, it's going to fly. It's going to be an unbelievable thing to see these buildings in Yerushalayim Yerakaydes. It's going to be an amazing thing to see.

20:39 When Mashiach comes and he turns to every single person in this room and he says, 'You took care of my children. You took care of the Abbastr's children. That's the most beautiful thing in the world that you could do. And it took a tremendous amount of courage. And kol hakavod to you for having that courage. I didn't have the courage when I was a kid, but you do.' So I just want to say to everybody, you should have the most incredible summer. You already are, right? How many summers have you been here? A long time. This your third summer, Hershel. This the third one. I give you a bracha, Hershel, that you should be here as many summers as he is. There should be zaytir of avraham together until mashiach comes. Amen.