Pinchas - The Vulnerability of Desire

2:31 V'nizkar halacha And he remembered the halacha. So Amr low, so he went to Moshe Rabbeinu Achiyavi Abba Brother of my grandfather. Moshe Rabbeinu was the brother of Arna Cohen. Pinchas was the grandson. Lo kach limadatoni Bradtechem e'ar Sinai Did you not teach me the halacha when you came down from Mount Sinai? Haboleliskusis that if somebody is having relations with a gentile woman Kana'im pogimbo Then those zealots should be pogeya; they should strike him down. Did you not teach me that halacha? So Amar Lo. Moshe Rabenu said back to him Kraina de'igrosa Ihu lehave parvanka. Let the one who reads the letter be the agent. Meaning, if you've received the letter, if you remember the halacha of Kana'im Pogimbo If you've received that letter Then you should be the agent. You should be the one to go and kill Zimri. And this is what Pinchas did.

3:57 Again, we see this concept. That somehow, some way, we have to understand what it means. That Pinchas received a letter, the same kasha that we had on the leaders of Bavel, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu called out to them to destroy Chal Yisrael, to destroy Eretz Yisrael. We have the same kasha on Pinchas. What letter? What did Pinchas receive? How did he receive it? Where did it come from? Same exact kasha. You hear the kasha? Same exact kasha. We have it a third time. Or you're a very special Jew to me. You're a very special Jew. I want you to know, I'm not just saying this tam. I'm not stopping in the middle of the shir. Just tam to be misha be'urie. There are some Jews who know how to see if another Jew is thirsty, and they give them water. And I'm not just talking about Uri right now, but it happens to be that Uri is an expert. It was Joe Man asking.

4:46 So we have one person who had a good idea, and another person who did it. Baruch ato Adam Naya loinimocham shakol ni'avir. Hey It's a good cup of water. Again, we have the same question, the same idea. In Shmos chapter thirty one, verses two and three. See, I have called Hakadosh Baruch Hu says I have called out to Betsalel ben Uri ben Chur, and I gave him the spirit of the Lord that he should be able to build the Mishkan. Where do we ever find that our Kaddish Baruch Hu called out to Betzale? Where do we see this idea from? We never see it. So what's this? It's a nevuah. What letter did Betzale receive? It's the same question over and over again. The same question. Rav Weinberger quoted a Radak. This Radak is a It seems like such a simple Radak. But it's a mind-blowing radak and something that, if we understood deeply, would change our lives.

6:03 The radak says, "Of course, the leaders of Bavel did not receive a nevuah from Hakadosh Baruch Hu." Of course not. How did Hakadosh Baruch Hu communicate with them? The radak says Hakadosh Baruch Hu placed the desire in their hearts. To be called from Hakadosh Baruch Hu means not necessarily that one received a nivua Not that there was some event that a person looked at and found meaning in, and it inspired them. Says there adak. To be called upon by Hakadosh Baruch Hu means that you looked inside of yourself and you found the desire. Those Rishayim Arurim, those leaders of Bavel, how did they end up sitting in those chairs surrounding Yerushalayim? Because they wanted it And because they paid attention to what they want, where did that desire come from? It came from above, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, who put that desire inside of their hearts. This is a fundamental yoseid in how we serve Hashem.

7:11 There are two parts to this that I want to say; each one of them is equally important. The first thing is that you have to want something. And that's not easy. It's not a small thing to want something. It appears to be easy. What do you mean? I want it. I want it. People walk around all the time saying I want it. It's not true. It's not true. Person says I want to be a billionaire. You don't really want to be a billionaire. If you wanted to be a billionaire, we would see it. We would see it in action. We would look around. We would say, what strategies is this person in their life employing to become a billionaire? No. Guy says, "I want to be a billionaire without doing anything." You don't want to be a billionaire. You don't want to be a billionaire. You want to sleep.

7:58 You want to. You want to hang out. You want to stay on your phone all day. You want to play Xbox. Whatever you're doing. You don't want to be a billionaire. To want something is not simple because if you want something, it means you're going to have to sacrifice for it. You want to be a billionaire. You know what that takes. You know what it takes in your life to be a billionaire. You know what it takes to be the CEO of a company. There's a reason that people don't want to be CEOs. It's not because they're not capable. It's because you have to live that life. And you might look on the outside and say, "I want their cars and I want their houses and I want their vacations." But that's not what it means to be a CEO. To be a CEO means the buck stops with you. It means taking responsibility. It means that you sleep late at night and you get up early in the morning. You don't want to be a billionaire because you don't want to sacrifice to be a billionaire. It's no small thing to want something. And people, a lot of times in davening, they say, "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just asking Hashem for things."

8:54 If we would actually ask Hashem for things, our lives would be fundamentally different. First of all, if you ask for something, it means you actually want it. A person shows up and they turn to a Kaddish Baruch and they say, "I want refuah." You want refuah? That's a whole different life. You want refu? Your life just changed. You want health in your life? All of a sudden, you're a different person. Health doesn't just mean physical health, but of course, it would mean that too. But it might mean mental health. It might mean living more in balance. It might mean stepping back towards things. It's an unbelievable thing to want health. A person says, "I want redemption." You want redemption? That means you have to pay attention to the exile that you're in. That would change you. All of a sudden, you're psychologically aware that I'm in exile, that I'm not in my place, that something is wrong in the world, and that I don't feel comfortable.

9:47 And then you want to be able to find the comfort within the discomfort, and that's no small thing either. To want something is unbelievable. Would change your life just to want something. But if you wanted something, not only would you actually want something, something else would happen too. If you actually allowed yourself to truly desire, not the flimsy desires that we have today, those are not real desires. You have to be a connoisseur of desire. A connoisseur of desire isn't just paying attention to the first thing that he wants. That's pathetic. That's like fast food. A connoisseur of desire wants steak. A connoisseur of desire wants a Michelin starred restaurant. A connoisseur of desire doesn't just want a hookup. A connoisseur of desire wants intimacy, wants a relationship, wants depth, wants profundity, wants meaning. To want something teaches you something about yourself. It teaches you about the talents that you have, because if you actually want something, you just learn something about yourself. Because if you really want it, it means you have the capacity for it.

10:51 You don't find people walking around who have no talent in basketball, dreaming with all of their heart and soul that they want to play in the NBA. It doesn't work that way. Why not? Because it's not them. If you desire it, it means you've learned something about the skills you have in your life. Some people have a desire to hear because their skills are up to here. Some people have a desire to hear because their skills are up to there. And everyone in their own way. That's the beauty of this. The beauty of desire is that it's unique. What you desire, I don't desire. And what you desire is made for you, and what I desire is made for me. Of course, there are general desires that we all have, but the specific desires. That's why Chazal say, 'Ein adam lomid elamasha libo chafets.' What do we learn? We learn what we desire. We learn what we want.

11:43 Imagine you have a guy; he's brilliant in piano. And you try to make that guy into a basketball player. And what he wants is to play piano. It's miserable for him to play basketball or baseball. Many, many years ago There was a wealthy man that approached my father, a well-meaning person. My father was always our little league coach. Me and all my brothers. Because growing up, my father grew up in the projects in the Bronx, and he played catcher for three different pitchers that played major league baseball. Made it. I don't know if they played made it to the majors. They made it to AAA, which is pretty impressive. My dad loves baseball. His dream was to be his son's little league coach. So he coached me and my little brothers. My youngest brother had a friend. There's no nice way of saying this. He was not athletically coordinated. I guess there is a nice way of saying it. There are other words that are in my head that are much, much, much less nice.

12:47 And this guy He was well intentioned. He wanted his son to be on the team so that his son could have that social circle and be part of the chevra. But this kid was an artist. He wasn't a baseball player. You know how in Little League sometimes they make up positions. You know what I'm talking about? Like on second base. You know what I'm talking about? Like that's a position. See, sometimes there's three right fielders. You know who those kids are? So this kid played like extreme right. Basically on the foul ball line. That's where he was. This guy's father, this kid's father, came to my dad Which was funny because my dad was the CEO of a company, and he said, "Could you please tutor my son in baseball?" And I'll pay you. My father said, 'I don't think you could afford me.' I charge twelve hundred dollars an hour. I'm not tutoring your son in baseball for twelve hundred dollars an hour. By the way, I'm not sure this father wouldn't have paid it.

13:48 He really wanted his son to be on the team. My father said to me, "Said, you're trying to get your son to be a baseball player" But your son is an artist. On Sundays, it's true. Let him come with us after Little League. He can also come out to ice cream when we lose. But let him go draw. That's what he wants to do. He's an unbelievable artist. The kid's father was insistent. My son has to play baseball. But it wasn't what his kid wanted. When we actually listen to our desires, we learn who we are. This kid was an artist. You can't stop an artist from being an artist, and you can't turn an artist into a baseball player. Baseball players are baseball players for a reason. A guy comes to yeshiva, a guy comes to NCSY Kollel. I'm talking to all of you, but I'm also talking to one of you. There's somebody here in specific that needs to hear it.

14:38 A guy comes to NCSY Kollel and says to me, "I haven't found my place in learning yet." " Good It's okay. You'll find your place. Just ask yourself. What do you desire? What do you want to learn? Guy says, "I really like Ashkafa." So go learn Ashkafa. And then once he gets into the mansion, he opens up that door. All of a sudden, he loves learning. All of a sudden, he finds himself finding meaning in a lot of different things because he actually listened to his own voice. You see this a lot of times, even in learning Gemara. A rebbe has to have a way of saying, 'No, this is the way we learn.' People learn differently. In Slabodka, it used to be that there were very short shiurim. The altar of Slabodka, the Rashi Shiva, there were unbelievable. Rav Moshe Mertchavstein was a geyn ilam and a gadla dar in learning.

15:27 And the altar of Slabodka only let them have twenty minutes of shiur because he said we have to let the boys develop into individuals. They have to see the sugya the way they see the sugya, which is why so many bacharim came out of Slabodka and they were so different. Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, who came out of Slabodka Learned in a completely different way than Rav Aaron Kotler, Zeichet Zalik Lavracha, who came out of Slabodka. Because there is individuality. Because you look at something, you go, "That's what I want." It opens you up. It teaches you something about yourself. That's what I want. You have to learn to listen to yourself. That's very vulnerable. Because once you want something, two things are going to happen. Number one You are going to struggle to get what you want. If it's really what you want, it'll be hard. There's no such thing as easy desires.

16:15 I've never found a desire to be easy. Fake desires are easy. Fast food desires are easy. To have the fake relationship is easy. But you want depth in your relationship. You want profundity in your relationship. That's hard. You want to be one with somebody. There's going to be friction. You're going to have to overcome obstacles together. It's hard. Any desire is hard, and you'll fail a million times before you succeed. But that's only half the equation of vulnerability. There is another half of the equation here, and it's the harder half. Once you know your talents You'll never be able to unsee them. Once you know who you are, it obligates you And you can't walk it back. And that's terrifying for people. It's terrifying to know that you are talented. Because once you know that you're talented, you're obligated towards greatness. We had a boy in yeshiva.

17:11 One of the most impressive young men I've ever met. Seventeen years in Mevasseret By far one of the most impressive young men I've ever met. This kid was beyond. To say that he was thoughtful, to say that he was deep He was the deepest of the deep, the most thoughtful guy I've ever encountered. Unbelievable language! This kid was a born therapist. This kid had empathy coming out of his ears. The way he was able to sit with somebody and see their pain— incredible. And I asked him, especially because he comes from a certain family with a lot of therapists in the family. I said, 'Do you have intention of becoming a therapist?' And the first time I said it, I saw terror in his eyes. What are you so afraid of? Once he was makabel that that's what he had inside of him. It obligated him, and he didn't have a choice anymore. It wasn't like now I could become a computer programmer, now I could go become an accountant.

18:08 This kid had the capacity to change people's lives. It took him time. But eventually he was making a name for himself. This is what I want, and now he's growing for it, and he's going to be unbelievable. He's going to be amazing. I have no doubt. It's not even a shilu in my mind. But it's vulnerable to say this is what I want because once you want something, you know your talents, and once you have talents, you can't unsee them. People work very hard to unsee their talents. If you're a great videographer, then you have an obligation to be a great videographer. I had a Talmud who's a videographer, and I want you to know that when that Talmud came to me and said I'm a videographer, I didn't know what that meant. I was like, you have a great passion for filming weddings. I didn't know. And I guess some people do, but I said that he's like, no, Rebbe, I don't want to film weddings. I want to make films.

18:58 And I asked him, Parnasa, you can make like that, you could live like that. He said, yeah, if you're good at it. And this guy's not good at it. He's great at it. And he has videos that have hundreds of thousands of hits on YouTube, just on YouTube alone. And you see the brilliance, the artistry And his talent is undeniable. And there's a crazy thing that happens in the world. Sometimes we tell people not to desire it too much. We try to stifle people's desires. We try to fit them in our little boxes. You have to be this type of Jew, and you have to be this type of Jew. But the emesis is that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is one, and he never made copies, and he never made doubles. Every one of us is unique. Every one of us has a unique desire. And where'd that desire come from? It's Hakadosh Baruch Hu's desire. He implanted it in your hearts. People say Hakadosh Baruch Hu doesn't talk to me. That's because you're not listening. Where do you listen for Hashem's word inside of yourself? Look at what you want. Look at your desires. That's the depth of this radak. Those people didn't show up on the gates of Yerushalayim because they happened to get an idea out of nowhere. It's because they wanted it, and they were intelligent enough to listen to what they wanted.

20:09 This is the depth of what happened with Pinchas. It's a famous kasha from the Ran. You have to know this kasha. It's a yeshiva shakasha. If you don't know this ron, you're not yeshiva. You have to know this ron. Doesn't matter if you're modern orthodox. Everybody has to know this ron. The entire world needs to know this ron. It's not a statement on communities. It's a statement on being a bentira. Everybody has to know this ron. The ron asks a famous question: What's the halacha, boys? If somebody comes along and asks a shayla, can I have? Can I be kanaim pogembo in this situation? Can I be a zealot and go kill in this situation? What's the halacha? You're not allowed to tell him the halacha. You're not allowed to tell him the halacha. That's the halacha. You're not allowed to tell him the halacha because if he asks, he's not a kanoi. The halacha of kanaim pogembo it needs to be instant. He needs to see it and he needs to be moved to do it. If you ask a shaylo, you're not a kanoi, and we don't answer you.

20:59 Says the Ran. Let's go back to our Gemara. This Gemara is a pleya. It's a basic kasha. Pinchas went to Moshe Abinu, and he goes, Rabbi, didn't you teach me that this was the halacha, kanaim pogembo? So how could Moshe Rabbeinu have answered him? Listen to the Rans answer. Listen to the Rans answer. Did Moshe Rabbeinu actually answer Pinchas? He said the following words: Krayna de'igresa Let the one who received the letter Ihu lehaveh parvanko He's the one who should become the agent. What was Moshe Rabbeinu saying? If you receive the letter. What was the letter? It was Pinchas's burning desire to save Klal Yisrael. If you receive the letter, you are the agent. If you have the desire, you are the agent. If you have greatness inside of you, that's you're being called to action. You are the one who received the letter. So are you going to have the courage to be able to say,"I'm going to bring my desire into the world now"? Moshe Rabbeinu didn't pass in the Shaila. He was teaching Pinchas about himself. If you find yourself moved to do, then do.

22:12 Same thing, same exact thing. When it came to Betsalel Hakadosh Baruch Hu sent Betsalel in Evedu. When did He call out to him that He was the builder of the Mishkan? The answer is that Betsalel looked inside of himself and said, "I'm a builder." So of course I'm going to build the Mishkan. It was a Baltuvah once who wrote a letter to the Labavitcher Rebbe. And he asked the Lubavitcher Rebbe. He said, "Now that I've become a Baltuvah, can I be an artist?" And the Rebbe responded. If you're an artist, how could you not be an artist? If you're an artist, you can't stop being an artist. And if you could stop being an artist, you're not an artist. If you've got that crying at the igros, if you've received that letter, you can't stop. It's not possible. But Sala looked at all of his talents. He said, "I'm a builder."

22:59 Of course, he was going to build the mishkan. There are people sitting in this room right now, and they know they have greatness inside of them. They cry into the Yigroso. You have all the talents of leadership in the world, but you should know that there are also people in this room right now, sitting in this circle. That won't do anything with it because they won't pay attention to the fact that talent lies inside of them, and they won't have that real desire to lead because it obligates them, because it'll mean that their life has to be in a certain way. It's a tragedy. Final thoughts. From Rav Yerucham Levavitz, Zeir Chassadik Levracha, the great mashgiach of Mir Yeshiva, Rav Yerucham Levavitz had such profound psychological insight that Rav Shlomo Valba, after he learned psychology at the University of Berlin, went to Mir and learned under Rav Yerucham. He said about Rav Yerucham that Rav Yerucham had greater psychological insights than any of his professors in Berlin.

23:52 Listen to the words of Rav Yerucham Because these are life changing, earth shattering words. Also, this week's Haftorah. Navi Yirmiyahu The Omer. I'm going to skip. I know not how to speak Because I'm a child. Kadosh Baruch Hu said back, "I'll tell me, don't tell me you're a child. Why?" Because wherever I send you, you'll go, and wherever I command you, you'll speak. Says Rav Yerucham Lavavitz. How many Gedolim have been lost to Klal Yisrael? How many Talmidei Chachamim have been lost to Klal Yisrael? How many great Rabbanim have been lost to Klal Yisrael? How many great leaders have been lost to Klal Yisrael? Because people are walking around saying 'nara nochi,' I'm a child. I know adults who are walking around saying "nara nochi." I know adults who don't believe in themselves enough to say that they have a purpose and a mission in this world. They say, 'What do you want from me? I'm just a kid.'

25:12 Kids change the world all the time. You could be 16 years old and you could change the world. Or you could be 50 and a walking child. One of the saddest things is to see an adult who just never got his life together and he's still a kid. Unfortunately, we're seeing that more and more in today's generation. We're seeing adults, at least in age, they're adults in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, but they're acting like children. Still having the same coping mechanisms that they had when they were 16 years old to avoid life. I'm not going to get into the details. You guys could figure out what I'm talking about on your own. Nara nochi, you know what Hakadosh Baruch Hu says? Don't tell me you're a kid. Don't tell me you're not capable of doing something great because you're a child. Look what Hakadosh Baruch Hu says: wherever I send you, you'll go, and whenever I command you, you'll speak.

26:06 You know what Hakadosh Baruch Hu is saying? You have capacities, you have talents. Those talents obligate you. If I tell you to go somewhere, go. Don't tell me you're a child. Go. You feel like a child? I don't care. Go. If you go, you'll see you're capable. I'll tell you something about self-esteem. This is a big yisod. Self-esteem doesn't come because somebody said you're great. It's not where it comes from. People say you're great all the time. Half the people when someone says they're great, they go, "He doesn't know me." Self-esteem doesn't come from others. Self-esteem comes from within. But you know how it really comes? Self-esteem is not just the knowledge that I'm the product of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, that I'm Hakadosh Baruch Hu's creation. Self-esteem comes when you actually do something. And this might hurt. Buckle up. If you don't do nothing in your life Don't be surprised when you don't have the capacity to do something in your life.

27:01 And don't think for a moment that just because you're in high school doesn't mean you have the capacity to do great things. I'm going to tell you something. When I was in high school Baruch Hashem, there were opportunities outside of the classroom. Inside of the classroom, I was not a success according to their definition. But outside of the classroom, there were things I learned that I was capable of doing, and those things made me the person that I am. It wasn't in the classroom; it was all out of the classroom. If it was sports, if it was the debate team But if you had to work hard for something and you achieved it, it made you a mensch. And the more coping mechanisms we give people, the more opportunities we tell them they don't have to work hard. Then that's what you're going to get. You're going to get people that don't know how to stand up to life and say, "Hinei, I'm capable of doing something."

27:51 Self-esteem, at least in part Comes from achievement. Because it proves to you that you're capable of handling the world. So here's a good piece of advice: do hard things. Do hard things. If you do hard things, you know what you're going to learn. I could do hard things. A guy says, 'I can't wake up in the morning.' Losers can't wake up in the morning. I've never met successful people that can't wake up in the morning. I'm not into it. I'm not into it. I'm not into it. As a call to action, if you're not into it, teach me. How are you going to get into it? That's your obligation. Do hard things, Rebbe. I'm not good at learning Gemara. What's it mean? How could you be good at learning Gemara? A guy opens up a Gemara. He can't translate. He can't punctuate. He can't vowelize. He never learned Mishnah. He didn't learn Tanach. So he doesn't know the background information. He's never been trained to learn the Rishonim. He doesn't understand the holes in the Gemara that the Rishonim are jumping on.

28:44 He's never been trained to analyze the dialectic. He doesn't know Brisker Lamedus. So what does he walk around saying? Gemara is irrelevant to me. It's not about relevance. It's about skill. So you're not good at reading, read. You're not good at reading. Figure out how you're going to get good at reading. You're not good at understanding the Gemara. Figure out how you're getting. Figure out your way. You have an obligation. You have talent. Go do something. Nara nochi, Rabbi, I'm a child. I can't do it. This is what I call the Shmear who tells him, 'No, when I tell you to go, you're going to go, and you're going to see that you're going to be great.' And if you do great things, then you'll see, 'Atak, I am great.' A lot of people talk about the greatness of the Labavitcher Rebbe. Everyone has their own take on why the Rebbe was great.

29:33 I think I have a take that other people don't have. I think the greatness of the Rebbe was that when nobody else was doing this, he took a bunch of kids and he sent them out to the farthest flung places in the world, and he said, "Go build chabad houses for people to come and put on tefillin and light Shabbos candles and return to their heritage." What did these twenty-one, twenty-two-year-old pishers know about life that they could go out and do this? They knew nothing. They knew nothing. And some of them turned to the Rebbe and said, "Naranochi, we can't do it." And the Rebbe said, "But you will do it." And you know what? Because he believed in them, they believed in themselves, and they did it, and they proved that they could. Think about whatever you've done great in your life. You know where it came from because you had a desire to do something. You discovered that you had the talent to do something, and then you did it.

30:22 It's not enough just to say, "I want it." Who? I want it. I don't know if I want it, but I want to want it. I don't know if I want to want it, but I want to want it. And then you have that Rebbe who's like, 'he's such a tzaddik because he wants to want.' " It's also it's beautiful that you have that desire, but you know what? If that desire doesn't culminate in an actual action, then you didn't learn anything about yourself. You didn't grow. And yet, you'll look around and you'll see people that they're going to go. They're going to have a desire. They're going to discover their talents, and they're actually going to do it. And you'll see unbelievable things from them in life because they actually did it. They actualized it. It wasn't just theory by them. They made that video that had hundreds of thousands of hits on YouTube. And that kid proved me wrong. Wedding videos. I was such a doofus.

31:09 There's unbelievable talent. I'm looking around. There's unbelievable talent. But you actualize it. You make it real, and then you stieg from that. You know why this summer is a blip for so many? Because it's like I show up when I want to, and I don't show up when I don't want to, and I'm just doing whatever I want to. It's very surface level desires. I want to go to Nitesater. I want to wake up to shacharis. I don't want to go to Nitesater. I don't want to wake up for shacharis. You came here because you wanted to have a more profound davening. You came to this program because you wanted to have more depth in your learning. That's what you really desire. Go find it. You desire that? Good. That means if you desire it, you have the talent. If you're the guy that sat down with that Rebbe and said, "Rebbe, I'm having a hard time connecting to Gemara," you know what that means? It means you're the guy that came to that Rebbe and said, "I want to connect to Gemara."

31:59 I just don't know how." you have the desire. That means you have the talent. You have the talent. Now you just need the discipline to actually sit down and make it real, and then you'll be great at it. That's the way greatness is made. And right now you're looking at me and you're saying,"Rebbe, I'm 16 years old." But I'm not talking to a bunch of 16 year olds. I'm telling you that you're going to blink, and you're going to be in your 40s. You're going to blink. Life goes by very fast. But I look at my classmates from high school Just like you guys. We were 16 years old, and we didn't go to NCSY Kolle. We were never this frum. And NCSY Kolle wasn't a thing back then. Some of my classmates' levels of achievement are off the charts, and I could show you it's a one-to-one parallel. The guys who achieved It's because at some point in their life, and very often when they were sixteen and seventeen years old.

32:50 They figured out what they wanted. They figured out what their talents were, and they did it. And they didn't walk around saying "nara nochi." That's for losers. Winners say, "I might be young, but I'm capable." Young people always change the world. Unfortunately, and this is the end of my rant. Unfortunately It's hard to want something if every time you want something, the vulnerability of desire shows up. Ash, I say it. I'll say it. If every time you want something and then you're like, but if I want it, maybe I'm not going to get it. So let's go. I'll just pull out my phone. You never actually have to sit in the discomfort of your desire. Being able to lean into the discomfort, being able to say this is difficult And I'm going to do it anyway, as opposed to just giving up and sitting in my dorm and being on my phone all day.

33:44 A guy comes to Kol and he says, "I want it. Where are you in the morning? I'm in my dorm." Why are you in your dorm? Figure out a way. Dig a tunnel. How are you going to get there? Figure out a way. I want to be. I want to get better at davening from your bed. Has anyone ever improved in their davening from the horizontal position? I've never seen it. Maybe it'll happen one day. Only seventeen years into this, who knows? But the guy says, "But if I come to Minyan, I know I don't like that." Good. So that you know doesn't work, and sitting in your bed doesn't work. Do you want to sit in your bed and say narah nochi? I'm a kid. I can't do it. Maybe if a rebbe would inspire me, then I would do it. No. Maybe you should be the guy that goes out and gets twenty different svarim and davening.

34:32 And sits with a rebbe and learns what it means to really daven. Maybe you don't like gemar right away. Do you like hashkafa? Do you like mishnayis? Do you like tanach? There's a million things. But if you're going to sit there and numb out every time you have a desire, don't ask yourself why. In ten years from now, you never have the capacity to say, "I'm going to do a hard thing." You have to train yourself to do hard things. Everybody you respect in your life has done hard things. Every great athlete, you know why they're a great athlete? It's not because they have more talent than the next guy. The level of talent at some point plateaus. Great players are all just the same level of great. You know what the difference is? The greatest players are the ones that could do really hard things consistently. They know how to show up to life. I had the opportunity a couple years ago to sit next to the head trainer of the Los Angeles Lakers at a Lakers game.

35:24 And I asked him what was the difference between Kobe Bryant and LeBron James. And he said, Kobe trained harder, and LeBron trained smarter. And LeBron's career is longer because he only works out twice a day, and the workouts that he does are very smart. Whereas Kobe worked out four times a day, and he managed to put himself through it, and he shaved years off of his career because of that. I was thinking about it, and I said to him, "Yeah, but if Kobe wouldn't have trained harder, he wouldn't have been Kobe." That was the greatness. He didn't know how to take his foot off the gas. Regardless of which side of the aisle you fall on Great athletes can show up in difficult moments and make that clutch shot. They're the ones taking that shot because they've done hard things along the way. The guy who's the CEO has done hard things along the way.

36:12 And if you think that the Rashi Yeshiva that sit in the beis medrash with you aren't the guys that are sitting in the beis medrash at eleven, twelve, one o'clock in the morning. And then they're pushing themselves. They became great. It wasn't overnight. This information didn't just download into their brain. They didn't have a ChatGPT insert. What's that thing, Neuralink? They didn't have a what's his name, the lunatic Elon Musk. They didn't have the Elon Musk Neuralink ChatGPT walking around AI. Just click some buttons in their mind, and all of a sudden they could quote you every Gemara and Yevamos. You think Rav Shechter got that way because he had a download? He got that way because he sat with humility for years and he sits and learns. Greatness is in front of your eyes. You think you guys danced out of Shechter because he knows a lot. You danced out of Shechter because of Amelus B'Tayra because he didn't say Nara Nochi because he stepped up and he made something of his life. There is a Rav Shechter sitting in this room right now. I don't know who he is.

37:07 But one of you guys How many guys have come through NCSY Cole and have become leaders in Klal Yisrael. One of you guys could be the guy who does it. How tragic would it be, says the Rav Yerucham Leavitz, if that same kid is sitting around right here in NCSY Kollel, going Nara Nochi Nara Nochi. Rabbeinu says we have an opportunity to be great. We have an opportunity to stand up and say greatness lies inside of me. I'm going to pay attention to what I want. I'm going to pay attention to who I am. I'm going to make it real. Rabbeinu says I have a beautiful Shabbos.