Vayakhel/Pekudei - The Three Names That Define Your Life

2:15 Why is that name superior? What makes it superior to any of the other names? The first name that we get, we're going to call that the name your parents give you. Is our temperament Our natural talents The gifts that we have in our lives And also the fact that your parents loved you into being. So your parents give you first of all their genetics. So you ever do this thing with your parents where people tell you, you're exactly like your mother, and it's not a compliment. That thing, you know what I mean? So your parents give you your genetics, and in your genetics you have your talents. And you always kind of hear this about yourself. It's like you're so X. You're so Y, right? You're just like your mom. She was a great artist, and you're a great artist. You have a talent. It's a genetic talent that you have. You're a musician.

3:19 That's genetics. There's another part. We're going to call this part being loved into being. What does it mean to be loved into being? We all think that we just magically arrived at this moment, but I want to tell you that's not true. When you were young, your mother and your father loved you into being. Meaning, they told you that you are worthy of being a person in this world. They did that in a million different ways that you didn't even realize. When you were sick and they brought you soup. When they took you to the doctor. When they changed your diaper. When they tended to you, they taught you that you were a person worthy of being loved. So we don't just arrive in any moment. In any moment that we arrive in, we come having been loved into being by our parents. Many years ago, I had the opportunity to work for one of the top psychologists in New York. This is when I was still living in America. We're going back now.

4:20 Twenty seven years ago and twenty six years ago, I worked for a woman whose name is Dr. Mary Courtney. Mary Courtney was one of the top child psychologists in all of New York. She was the talmidah muvheket of a guy whose name was Bill Pelham, who was the founder of this amazing behavior modification program. I spent two summers training under Mary Courtney in a program that she ran in Simcha Day Camp in Farakwe. And as part of our, I have trauma from all phones now. If you have a phone and any noise goes off, I'm like, at least we're in the miklat. We're not, we are. Good. Mary told us a story that summer. I'll never forget this story of a child that she treated. This is the craziest story ever. Unfortunately, the mother was a very sick person. She was addicted to crack. She had a baby. She didn't even have the baby in the hospital.

5:22 She had dogs, and she would leave the baby alone with the dogs. The dogs raised the child. The dogs raised the child. Literally, the mother would go out and do whatever she did. She was a very sick person and she would put out a trough. She had four dogs. She would put out a trough and fill it with dog food and fill a giant thing with water. The dogs would bring the child over to the water and the baby, little baby, would drink from the water like a dog and eat from the trough like a dog. And Mary told us that five years later, when the child was five years old, social services finally discovered that this child existed, and obviously took the child into the care of the state. This child had to be raised. Mary said that when this kid was entered into preschool, the kid had basically no language skills because it heard very few words because it was only sometimes raised by its mother, and it was basically raised by dogs. The child had a very hard time adapting to social norms because for the formative years of the child's life It was literally being raised by dogs. She described to us, 'This is crazy.' She described to us that when kids in preschool would bother this child, the child would growl at the other children because it learned to do that like a dog.

6:42 We don't realize that our way of being in this world, our parents taught us that. Even the fact that we could cry, the fact that we could laugh, the fact that we don't growl at other people—that's because our parents loved us into being. You have a name. When we say name here, we don't mean your name is like Sarah Esther Spritzer Ganendel. That's not what we mean. I don't know if I offended anyone just now. That's not what we mean. We mean an identity. And a big part of our identity is our nature and our nurture. That's a very big part of our identity. Who you are genetically. And who you are, fundamentally, that you were nurtured into being by your parents—that's a fundamental part of your identity. That's why you ever meet people and they go Are you my daughter? It's like a little uncomfortable, and you're like, "Yeah. Oh my God, you look exactly like your mother did at that age.

7:35 That's a fundamental identity that you have. That's your first identity. Let's talk about your second identity. Your second identity is the identity that society gives you. Bnei Adam, this is how society How society sees you. There's a very famous sociologist from the early 1900s in America. His name was Charles Cooley. And Charles Cooley had this concept called the looking glass self. And what the looking glass self means is that you come to see yourself in the imagined gaze of others. That when people look at you, you may not realize this, but when people look at you, you're interpreting the way that they're looking at you. Isn't that true? That even somebody without saying any words, they look at you and you kind of just know what they think about you. And because they think that about you, what tends to happen? You tend to adopt their beliefs about you as your own.

8:35 It's called the looking glass self. People give you labels. People give you categories. You know these categories Like cool Nerd, derabanan, nerd, araisa. Tier two. Everyone has these categories that they put you in, and then what do you do? You adopt these beliefs about yourself that they give you. So people tell you, and I'm sure you've heard this: you're the smart one. You're the dependable one. You're the overreactive one. You're the failure. People give you labels, and then you might not realize this. At 18 years old, you come to Tzomidvora, and what do you do? You sit down with your rakaze, you sit down with your mechanecha, you sit down with one of your rebbeim, and what do you say? I'm the fill-in-the-blank one. Where'd you learn that from? You didn't learn that from yourself. You learned that from what other people told you about yourself.

9:36 So this parental self, we're going to call that your given self. That's the given. You were given these genetics. You were given this love. But this looking glass self We're going to call that the mirror. This how you learned how to be. Because I know this going to sound funny. In your life, when you were looking at other people, what you were really looking at was yourself. So you were young, you didn't even realize it was happening. You got on the school bus, remember Yellow school buses. You've been in Israel for a long time. You got on those awful green benches. Cool kids sit in the back of the bus because they like the bumps, even though nobody really does. That's at least the way it works with boys. If you're from 1980s Farakawa, you went on a Rivlab bus. Is Rivlab still a thing? Does that exist? It's now independent. That's every yeah. When I was a kid, it was Rivleb buses, and Rivleb buses were guaranteed to break down on the Van Wyck Expressway.

10:42 So much love for you. You get on a bus. You know that scene from Forrest Gump. Where Forrest gets on the bus and everyone moves over and says he can't sit here. And then you can sit here if you want to. Yeah. My mother loves that movie. She's like a she has like a whole parshanut on what the feather means in the beginning and the end of the movie. I don't think it's that deep, but when you get on the bus and a kid says you're not sitting with us What was that kid saying about you? And you adopted that belief system about yourself. It's almost impossible not to. You were a kid. When you looked at others, you weren't looking at them. You were looking at yourself. And the irony is, when they were looking at you, they looked at themselves. And that's how we form ourselves. So whether you were the smart one, the difficult one, the dependable one, the failure, the problem child, the leader, the disappointment, whatever labels people gave you, whether verbal or nonverbal, whether overt or covert You got that self. It was mirrored to you, and you took it.

11:56 Here's the thing about that second self. It's very powerful Because even when that mirrored self is false You believe it to be real. Even when somebody tells you you're something that you're not You actually believe it to be real. And we see this. Imagine the following scenario. And I'm not making up the scenario, even though it's a made-up scenario. I'm not making this up. This is a true story. But it's a scenario that I imagine applies to a lot of people. Imagine the following scenario: a kid comes to high school. Two kids come to high school, and both are nerdy. Both are nerdy. But for whatever reason, one of those guys is adopted by the cool kids and he's brought into the chavurah. They make him feel like he's awesome. You know what happens? He becomes awesome But that other kid, for whatever reason, maybe because he wasn't a nerd medrabban and he was a nerd mediraisa, he's left out of the group.

13:00 And you know what happens? Years later One of those kids thrives, and the other one can't. Why? Because even though there was no fundamental difference between these two kids, that second kid believed about himself. Nobody wants to be my friend. I'll tell you an amazing story. Many years ago in Mevaseret, there was a young man that came to our yeshiva. He came. It's unusual that this happens. He came by himself. Usually, boys travel in packs. Anyone here see Jurassic Park? Are you too young for that? You can't admit it. You know that line? They travel in herds. When the dinosaurs travel in herds, boys travel in herds. That's how they choose yeshivas together in herds, bunch of sheep. We go to Mevaseret now. Everyone goes to Mevaseret now. We go to this yeshiva. Everyone goes to that yeshiva. So this boy came by himself. Very unusual. He was the only kid from his yeshiva that came. We got very close. He's a good friend of mine until today. I asked him why he came by himself.

13:55 And he admitted something to me. He said I was the biggest loser in my high school class. I literally could not be with any of those guys. I needed to come to yeshiva to reinvent myself. And he admitted that there were times in high school where he literally considered taking his life. Because he was so cast aside He came to yeshiva that year. The coolest guys were in yeshiva, the coolest guys, but not like there's cool guys that are too cool, and then there's cool guys that just love everyone because they're totally confident with themselves. These guys were the coolest guys, and they loved everybody. And he became their good friend in yeshiva. And I watched how he grew up that year. It was amazing. It was transformative. It was literally like a human being. You know how they have those capsules that you put in water and over time it becomes a dinosaur.

14:47 Or a seahorse. What are some of the other things? I don't know. Whatever it becomes, it's literally what it was like. It was like watching him come into being a person. It was the craziest thing. At some point, I went over to these guys and I said, "I want you to know. You may not realize this. You're literally saving his life." They said, "Why?" I said because he was a nerd medaraisa in high school, and you should know that just being with you, he literally was like so much pain in high school. And now watch what he's doing because of you. And this kid said to me, "I'll never forget this. The coolest kid in the entire group." He goes, "I don't get it. He's awesome." And he meant it. The same kid that in high school was bullied so badly that he considered taking his life is in this group of friends who were actually cool enough to take another kid in. He legitimately looked at this kid. He's like, 'What do you mean? He's awesome.'

15:36 And because he was awesome in that kid's eyes, he actually became awesome. Married with children, Big Ben Trier today. Why? Because through the looking glass self, when he came to yeshiva and all of a sudden people didn't look at him as a loser anymore, that's how he actually became much closer to his true self. People internalize what the world says about them, even when it's false. But here's the thing about these two selves and we're going to draw a big line here to separate these two. This first name that your parents give you, and the second name that society gives you These are names that you inherit. You were born into a world that you did not choose. Your parents, not your choice. Your community, not your choice. When people ask me where I'm from I say Five Towns, but not by choice. I'm really a good person. In a different life, I was from San Diego.

16:45 Where the nicest people are from. And I'm not Chassidish. I'm saying anything negative about the Five Towns. It's an unbelievable community of Chesed. Just happens to be where I was from. A little bit of we are much better than you, a tiny little bit. And I try not to be like that. Where are you from? You're not born into a community that you choose. You're not born into a family that you choose. This is an inherited life. You didn't choose this life. But the thing is Most people—and this is the tragedy—most people Because they inherited this life They think it's their destiny. They say, 'This is who I am.' I can't change who I am. This is my temperament. I'm always going to be like this. This is who I am. My parents are like this. My grandparents are like this. My great grandparents were like this. I'm like this, and my children will be like this.

17:35 Unless I marry somebody else to clean out the genetic pool a little bit, I might have some normal children. That's why I married my wife. Because I failed math three Twice, and she taught herself actuarial mathematics. And that's why my children are good at math. That's my trauma. Thank you for listening. You didn't choose your parents. You didn't choose your nervous system. You didn't choose your genetics. You didn't choose your talents. You didn't choose how people saw you. That was your inheritance. And most people naturally make their inheritance into their destiny. There is a third name. And this is called the name we acquire for ourselves. Girls, every word of Chazal is precious. Listen to the words. I'll read them again inside. Isn't that an interesting way of saying it? This is your name that you acquire for yourself. I would have said, if I was writing this, this is the name that you discover for yourself.

18:38 What's that lashon of? I acquired this name for myself. Here's the idea. The idea is as follows. If you want this name What we're going to call your acquired self. We call the parents your genetics, your society, the looking glass self. The acquired self is the self that you own. This is your own self. And here's the thing about it: we're not talking now about your essence. We're talking about your identity. These three names. There's a reason we're talking about names because the name is how people call you. It's your handle. So we're not speaking about your essence. We're speaking about your identity. There is an identity that you would acquire. There's an identity that you own. How do you do that? You do not find your true self by thinking about it. You find your true self by living it. You have to live your true self if you want to bring it out.

19:43 Most people think, "Yeah, I'm just stumbling along in life, and I'm going to discover my true self." It's not true. Just because you have a capacity to be something doesn't mean that that's your identity. That's why the most painful thing in the world to hear from a teacher is what word? She has tremendous potential. What does potential mean? You're a doofus. My mother would always come home from parent-teacher conferences and she would try to start with the good. Your teachers say you have a lot of potential. If only you could sit still and actually focus, take notes, and actually take a test, then you'd be awesome. You know what that tells a child? I might have a lot of talent on an essential level, but I'm not actually living out who I truly am. That is a tragedy. It means that until you actually live your life.

20:41 You do not own your essence. You haven't acquired it. You're living. Listen carefully to the word in an unintegrated fashion. That's the key. Are we living an integrated life or an unintegrated life? I'm going to set it up real quickly. I think every one of you is going to understand what I mean. You feel like a tremendous faker Like you don't know who I really am. I believe this, but then I do something else. We live this very fragmented existence where you're essentially a good person, but you know exactly what you're doing. Think about the feeling you have after you say lashon hara. You know that feeling. You know how we get together in groups and just talk trash about a person for an hour. And when you're doing it, there's a very gishmak feeling. We're mamish pushing. She's such a this, and she doesn't know this about herself. She's always changing the temperature in the room, and I want it to be this temperature. She's so insensitive. At the end of that hour, how do you feel?

21:49 It felt amazing while you were doing it. How do you feel at the end of that hour? I feel like the worst person. And there's a disconnect between it's not who I am, but it is what I did. There's a famous line that Eagles won't know him, but he was amazing. There was a coach whose name was Bill Parcells. Only Rivarrez and I are holding in Bill Parcells. Bill Parcells is one of the greatest coaches of all time in football. And he famously said, "You're only as good as your record." In the beginning of every season, you always have these players that like get up there and like, "This is our season. We're going to kill it. We're a championship team." No, you're not. You know how you'll know when you're a championship team? When you're in the championship. And if you don't make it to the championship, you're not a championship team. On an essential level, you might have had the potential to be any championship team, but on an identity level, you are a championship team when you get to the actual championship. So you might be awesome. It's true. You might have an unbelievable essential self, but until you actually live it out every single day.

22:54 You haven't acquired that self. You're living in an unintegrated fashion. There's who you think you are, and then there's the life that you're actually leading. The most miserable thing in the world is an unintegrated life. The best thing in the world is when we actually live out who we are. It's called being in self. You have it when you're doing it. You feel amazing. It's called being in flow. You ever have moments like that? Flow state. Flow state. Was that like I didn't know if I just that's like a thing in Toma Devora. I guess it depends on which class you're in. Which of the many therapists who work here say flow state? No No. It's like a brain rock turn. It's a flow state. You reached flow state. Thank you for. I thought flow state was a. I understand. My Riz just took a hit. I didn't know that flow state is a brain rot word.

23:55 I'm chopped cheese right now But I'm gonna work on it. A Kenyan. Is an act that establishes belonging. When I acquire something, I do a ma'asekinyan, hakba. For example, I raise this up and then it's mine. A kinyan is an act that establishes belonging. Which means that your essence does not become your lived identity merely because it exists. If you want your essence to become your lived identity, you have to take responsibility for it. Responsibility means that you actually have to live your life. That's the key. So you want to acquire something, you want to own it. You actually want to own your essence. You can't live in an unintegrated fashion. You have to take responsibility for the integration. You have to be able to show up every day to life, and you have to say, "This essence that I have" This is me. You'll see it on me. You'll know exactly who I am because I live my values. When do you acquire this name?

25:12 When do you acquire this third name? Most people think their inheritance is their destiny. You acquire your third name the moment you realize I have agency. I have choice. Just because I was born into a certain family, or just because I was born into a certain society does not excuse the fact that I am not living my best life. And most people never make this break between their inheritance and their destiny. Most people say, and they don't even realize they're saying it. What do you want from me? But greatness always comes when you break that. That's why you hear these amazing stories of a kid who was born into an impoverished community where everybody grows up to be a drug dealer or ends up in jail, and then you have that one kid that says, 'No, I refuse to be that person. I'm going to get an education and actually break free and become the person that I know I actually have the capacity to become, and I'm going to live it out every day.' Now, if you talk about it, it doesn't matter.

26:20 And this is what most people do. Most people go, "I'm going to break free." No. You have to choose to break free, and then what's the next thing you do? You actually have to live your values. I have bad news for you. This is our last class for this month. How was your year? It was exactly what you performed. Every time you slept in That's your year. You don't get to say it's, and I wish we could. We could make up a world where it's this feel-good 2026 thing. It's like you were awesome. But you know that's a lie. That's why the worst thing in the world is when somebody calls you. I don't know if they do. Do they call girls tzaddikas? I know people do this with boys. Come here, tzaddik. It's the most patronizing thing you could say to a kid. You know why? Because he knows he's not a tzaddik. He knows exactly. Come here, tzaddik. You're amazing, tzaddik. The kid's going, why do you call me a tzaddik for it?

27:12 I know exactly who I am because I know where my lack of integration is. It's very painful to be called a tzaddik. It's okay to live an unintegrated life. We're oriented towards a life of integration. It's okay to be imperfect, but we don't get to pretend that we're something that we're not. We don't get to pretend that just because I have the essence, just because I have the potential to be something, that's not the way you're actually living. Do you want to know what your life will be? It will be whatever actions you took. You're as good as your record. Some people say I'm a tremendous balchesed. Where are you a balchesed? Some people actually join hatsala and stay for thirty years. They go out on calls at three o'clock in the morning when they're exhausted to save a life. Chesed is not something you can pretend to be. It's something you either lived or you didn't. You have the capacity to be a balas Chesed. Did you actually do it?

28:06 Your values have to be something that you actually live if you want them to become your identity. You have to say, "I do not want to be trapped. I'm not a victim to my inherited self." It is not my destiny. I will choose to live the life that I want to live. Why is the third name the best name? There's an amazing quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson. You girls have heard of Emerson? Emerson was an amazing writer. Listen what he said: "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. What we don't realize is there's actually a tremendous amount of pressure on every one of us to be either our parental self or our societal self, to be my genetics or to be my mirror.

29:02 And what it requires to break free of this two things: number one, resistance, and number two, courage. What we are asking you to do is what Chazal is asking you to do. It's a wild thing. You don't realize this. We're asking you to swim upstream because every single day that you try to break free of this inherited self and change your destiny, whether you realize this or not, systems will push you back into place, and they will make you afraid. If you do this, you're not going to get a shiduch. If you do this, you're not going to make enough money to support a boy. Not sure when that became a thing. Used to be boys supported girls. It's very beautiful to learn in Kailo. It's a man's responsibility to support his wife. Totally tangential, nothing to do with the Sheer. Fascinating How systems will put you back into place. A girl could be super talented. She could be a musician.

30:04 There's not enough money for you to be a musician, and nobody wants to marry the musician. We only want to listen to her on Spotify. We don't actually want our daughters to become that. The system put. What are boys gonna think if you're that girl? You're not from enough. You're not sneeze enough You're not gonna make enough parnasa. You need to be a therapist. What type of therapist should I be? A physical therapist A speech therapist An occupational therapist A hydrotherapist. That's just a lifeguard. An art therapist. That's just drawing with children. A play therapist. That's not a real thing. Get crazy, a social worker. Why do we keep people trapped? Because of our own fears, we look at people, society, all of us together in this room right now. It's all happening in a system that you don't even realize you're in. There's a hamster wheel that every one of us are in, and it's designed to keep us trapped. Not within our true self, but it keeps us locked into our first two names. You are your genetics. You are your talents. You are a nerd, medrabanan, medairaisa, or you're cool, or you're second tier, just a wannabe.

31:24 And we're going to keep you in that system. It takes a tremendous amount of resistance. You have to swim upstream. And you have to have unbelievable courage to be able to say to the world, "No" I'm not going to play the game your way. I'm going to be who I truly am, and I'm going to live it, and you'll watch me live it. I'm so grateful eternally to my father. When I told my father my dirty secret When I was 18 years old, I said to my dad, "I don't know how to tell you this, dad." I think I want to be a rebbe. That is not what my dad wanted to hear. I love my father, but he did not raise me to be a mechanech. And my father said to me, "I'll never forget this." Because you're going to have to figure out how to monetize your dream

32:10 Because ultimately you're going to be the one that has to support yourself. But I support you. That was an unbelievable gift that he gave me at 18 years old. My father didn't sit there and tell me, Rebbeim can't make a living. My father didn't tell me there's no way you're going to be able to support your family. You have to become an accountant or a lawyer or a businessman or whatever other things we put into the ortho box. My father just said to me, all right, you're going to have to figure out how to monetize it. But if this is your dream, go for it. That's an amazing gift to give to your children. Most of us are kept. Swimming downstream because there's fear in the system, and it takes resistance and courage to actually be integrated and to live out who you truly are. That is a very powerful thing. The third name might be the name that you acquire last, but it is actually your first name.

32:58 That's why it goes in order. The first name that you get is your parents' name. The second name that you get is society's name. The third name, the one you acquire for yourself. It's actually your first name. Because it's actually your essence. It's actually the thing that you are. But because we're born into a world where we're children, we didn't know that we were supposed to live out our own imagination and our own dreams. So naturally, first we developed and we saw ourselves through the lens of our parents. Then we got older and we saw ourselves through the lens of society. Girls, you're 18 years old. It's time to take responsibility for yourself. You have to. This is not acquiring something that's not you. It's acquiring something that actually is you. That's why it uses the term acquisition, because most of us have a self that is unacquired. Most of us have something inside of ourselves that we've never actually put the work into to actually take ownership over ourselves.

33:58 Which means, and this is the big line. If you are in a state of being unintegrated The words you're looking for are inwardly divided. And if you are in a state of responsibility and you've integrated yourself Then you're no longer inwardly divided. You're inwardly in a state of shalom. You're in a state of peace. Let's go back now to the beginning. Hashem calls Betzalel by his name. Why does Betzalel build the Mishkan? Why Betzalel? Why not Moshe? What was special? What was unique about Betzalel? Listen to what Chazal are telling you Girls. What is the Mishkan? The Mishkan is the place where the world is no longer divided. You see, there's a secret to our world. What is the secret to our world? There's the world with all of its ego proclaiming the fact I exist. That's what a world does. The world says I exist. I don't have an essence, but in truth, what is the essence of the world? The essence of the world is Hashem.

35:10 The Gemara says that Hashem fills up the world like a soul fills up the body. This world has an essence, but in our world there's a divide between the essence and the world. There's a great divide between the essence and the world. What is the Mishkan? The Mishkan is the place where the world is no longer fragmented. You walk into a finite building, but you see an infinite God. It's the one place where heaven and earth actually meet. Who builds a Mishkan? If you want to build a world where there's actual inward shalom, that there's no more fragmentation, who could build that? Only someone who in themselves is inwardly undivided. What was the greatness of Betzalel? The greatness of Betzalel was yes. Betzalel came from unbelievable lineage. Who was his grandfather? Betzalel ben Uri ben Chur. Who was Chur? Do we know?

36:13 He died rather than do the chet eigel. That's an unbelievable lineage to come from, and no doubt Betzalel was a great tzaddik. I imagine that when Betzalel was walking around in Klali Yisrael's camp, people said, "Wow, Betzalel, you're a great tzaddik." What's the chiddush? It wasn't those names that made Betzalel worthy of building the Mishkan. It wasn't only because he had a great grandfather, and it wasn't only because he was a tzaddik. The real beauty of Betzalel was that he wasn't limited. To being his parents' child, he wasn't limited to being a tzaddik because everyone told him he was a tzaddik. The greatness of Batsalel is he lived out his essence, and because he lived out his essence and he brought his essence into the material world, that's why he was the one who was worthy of bringing Hashem's essence into the material world in an unfragmented way, in an inwardly undivided way, because he was inwardly undivided himself. He brought a world where there was no longer fragmentation between Shamayim and the Arutz.

37:19 What is our greatest achievement? What is the thing that would make us really great? Every one of us wants to be great. That's the natural posture of a human being. We all want to be exceptional. But what does it actually mean to be great? I'm 45 years old. I know very few things, but I know this to be true. If you live long enough If you live honestly enough And if you live courageously enough to actually live out who you are That's greatness. Greatness is not measured by how awesome you are. There are people that will absolutely achieve more than you. No matter how much work I put in this world, I will never be as great as I don't know. Fill in the blank. I'll never be as great a Rebbe as Moshe Rabbeinu. I'll never be as great a whatever as fill in the blank. There are people that will always achieve more. Greatness is not measured by how much you achieve.

38:22 Greatness is measured by how honest you are. How courageous you are to actually live out your life. If you want to make the world a better place, if you want to build a beautiful home. The biggest bracha that you can give your children is that they have a mother that, when they show up to their mom, they know their mother lives her actual values. Nobody says, "Oh, she has potential." This is who I am. At this stage of your life, girls, it's no longer academic. There's a time in your life where you have an academic approach to life. One day I will fill in the blank. At this stage in your life, it's no longer academic. You're going to be measured by society. People around you are going to establish for you an identity, and they're going to say, 'She is X.' And you might say it's not fair. They don't know what's going on the inside. That's true. On the inside, we're all wonderful, beautiful, precious. But that's not a shame.

39:27 That's not a name. That's not your identity. That's your potential. That's your capacity. At this stage of your life, you have to be able to take responsibility for your life and bring that essence of who you are into reality. That's greatness. I know that we're heading into Bein Azmanim. Bez Hashem, Mashiach is going to come. Your parents are going to join you here in Eretz Yisrael. I hope they won't have to get in through Mitzrayim. A lot of us are going to go to wherever we come from for Pesach, and people are going to want to know what you achieved this year. What you achieved And they're going to know very easily what you achieved this year. And it won't be because of the way you dress. And it won't be just because of the way that you talk or the way that you hold yourself. It's going to be much bigger than that.

40:30 When they look at you, because we all looked at all. Remember those. Remember last year where you were checking out all the girls that came back from Pesach. Everyone's going to see, and they're going to know right away. Because when you live your values, it shines on your face. It's a tremendous opportunity that you have right now going into Bein Azmanim, not just to come back and be like another Tom or Devorah girl. It's a tremendous opportunity to come back and actually be present as your true self. Wishing you all a beautiful Bein Azmanim. Blessed Hashem We shall have a great Mashiach soon.