Parshas Vaeschanan / Shabbos Nachamu - Family Comes First

2:33 That not taking gifts gives you life? Is that the pshat? We give birthday presents to our children. Is this like a new Ashkafa? We should tell kids we don't give you birthday presents because we want you to live. I don't know. It seems reasonable that people can accept gifts from people they love. What's going on over here? And another question: Why does Moshe Rabbeinu desire to enter into Eretz Yisrael? Moshe Rabbeinu is coming. The Kaddish Baruch Hu, give me a free gift. I want to come to Eretz Yisrael. I know that I messed up. I want to come to Eretz Yisrael. Why does he desire it? The Gemara in Sota fourteen a says as follows: Darish Rebi Simloi. Rabbi Simlai darshened. He taught. Why does Moshe Rabbeinu want so badly to come to Eretz Yisrael? Is Moshe Rabbeinu coming because he wants to eat the fruits of Eretz Yisrael? Is it because he wants to be satiated by the goodness of Eretz Yisrael?

3:42 Of course not. Shkayachori, thank you so much. Baruch Atu Adonai Eloheinu Mecholam Shakol Neivavara. Alecach Amr Moshe, of course not. Moshe Rabbeinu is not interested in fruits. Moshe Rabbeinu is not interested in going to restaurants here in Eretz Yisrael. Rather, Moshe Rabbeinu said to Avkobeshbarchu as follows: Har be mitzvahs nistavu Yisrael The ain miskayim el Eretz Yisrael. There are many mitzvot that can only be performed in Eretz Yisrael. E konei semila Eretz. I want to go into the land so that I could be mekayim these mitzvos. Amr la Hakadosh Baruch Hu says back to him. If the only reason that you're coming into Eretz Yisrael is to receive reward So then I'll act this. If you did these mitzvos and I'll give you the reward. And the Gemara goes on to discuss that Moshe Rabbeinu got the same reward as Avram, Yitzchak, and Yaakov. And again, this Gemara presents us with several fascinating questions.

4:50 The Gemara presents Moshe Rabbeinu in such an interesting way. Did Moshe Rabbeinu come to eat from the fruits of Eretz Yisrael? Did he come to be satiated from Eretz Yisrael? Why does it? The Gemara is saying in such a strange way. Why highlight the fact that Moshe Rabbeinu doesn't need to eat and be satisfied from the fruits of Eretz Yisrael? Just say Moshe Rabbeinu came to do the mitzvos. Why does it have to say what he didn't come for? And more than that The Mishnah Avot says Don't be like a servant who serves his master to receive a reward. Because that's a pathetic thing. If you're participating in a relationship with somebody, you don't ask what the reward is. If you're in a relationship with your wife and your wife says, 'Please take out the garbage,' don't say, 'And what do I get if I take out the garbage?' Who does that, Rabbi? Say, little children do that.

5:48 A little child, when the mother says, "Clean your room," he goes, "And what do I get if I clean my room?" That's what little children do. That's not what adults do. Why does a Kadosh Baruch Hu come and say to Moshe Rabbeinu, 'Look, you want reward? I'll give you all the reward.' Since when is Moshe Rabbeinu talking about reward? Meyshavenu said, 'I want to do the mitzvah.' Why does Hakadosh Baruch Hu come now and say, 'you want the reward? I'll give you the reward. Don't worry about it. I'll take care of you.' Meyshavenu didn't say a word about reward. He said, "I want to do the mitzvah." So why is Hakadosh Baruch Hu talking about the sechar? And even if Hakadosh Baruch Hu gives him the sechar, he still can't do the mitzvos. That's what Meyshavenu wants. So it's like Imagine a husband who wants to serve his wife, and his wife says, "I'll act like you did it." I don't want you to act like I didn't. I want to participate in the relationship. So this gemara is also very strange.

6:42 Finally, one last question And I think this is also a beautiful question. Meishia Abenu in his negotiations with our Kadosh Baruch Hu says At least let me cross over and see the good land on the other side of the Jordan River. This good mountain. And Lebanon. That's what the simple pshat and the pasuk say. Rashi says, "What's this good mountain? What's aharatoyvaze? What does Rashi say? Shalayim. And what's halavonan? Doesn't mean here Lebanon. Zebes hamikdash. So now we have two questions again. Why does Moshe Rabbeinu so desperately want to see the land? You're not going into it. What's the point of seeing it? And where does Rashi get this pshat from that Moshe specifically wants to see Yerushalayim? That he specifically wants to see Beis Hamikdash. How do you know he doesn't want to see Chevron? How do you know that he doesn't want to see Chayesnesh, the Galil, the Golan, all the beautiful parts of Eretz Yisrael?

7:45 There are many Mekayim Hakadosh. Maybe he wants to see Tiferia. Now you'll say, 'It says Ahara Toiv Azed.' It means a mountain. So what must be? What's the mountain? Yushalayim. But there's other wonderful mountains here in Eretz Yisrael. Kadosh things also happen on those mountains. How does Rashi know that it's Yushalayim? So I want to share with you a deep yisoid And the yisoid is as follows: Where do we get our sense of self-worth? It's a good question. Where do we get our sense of self-worth? As children, we are loved into being. We have parents and grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, communities, rabbis, teachers. Everybody says you're awesome. That's why, when you're a little kid, everyone's cheering you on. So your sense of self worth is outsourced. It's rooted in other people. But as you become an adult We are meant to shift from having our sense of self-worth be from other people's validation into ourselves.

9:00 And the truth is, when we make this shift Something natural occurs. I am uncomfortable with somebody taking care of me. When you're a child, you want your parents to take care of you. If you're 16 years old and you're still looking to your parents to take care of you Something a little bit weird about that. It's normal for a child to be dependent. But as a child grows older, what do we want that child to become? Independent. That's why going to sleepaway camp is a healthy thing for a child. Because it teaches them the dignity that they can take care of themselves. A guy who can't take care of himself, forget what other people will say about him. He feels a little pathetic. You don't, when you get your license. Show hands how many people have their license. Is there something geshmack about getting your license? When you get your license, all of a sudden you're a free agent. I don't need someone to drive me places anymore.

9:57 There's something adult-like about it. There's something like I don't need mommy and daddy to drive me anywhere. There's something weird about At a certain point in your life, your parents are still doing things for you. There's a lot of types of independence: emotional independence, spiritual independence, and financial independence is one of them. If you have a 40-year-old guy, a 35-year-old guy that's still getting a check from mommy and daddy to pay for rent or to pay for the mortgage. Something a little bit undignified about that. He feels a little bit for himself, "What's wrong with me? Why can't I take care of myself?" There's something very profound about becoming a man and being able to say, "I can take care of myself, and I can take care of others. I have within myself what I need to make it in this world." That's a very big deal.

10:50 By the way That's why it's important, Beis Hashem, when you guys are raising your own children. To remember that you might want to coddle your children because it's safe. But to the degree that you coddle them, you're not allowing them to become independent. You're not allowing them to define their own dignity within themselves. Something very special happens here in Eretz Israel. Children here take buses. It's a very special thing for a kid to take a bus. If my kids want to go somewhere, they say, "I'll take a bus." Mommy and daddy don't drive them anywhere. You know what that means? It means they have to know the bus schedule. It means they have to know what bus goes to what tachana to get on the next bus. It makes them self-sufficient, and that gives them dignity. A person who's looking to receive gifts from others—that's outsourcing their sense of self-worth in somebody else. I'm awesome if somebody else gives me a gift. Rabbi Say, if you need somebody else to give you a gift to make you feel okay in life.

11:54 You're a little bit dead. You're a little bit. Your life is not in action. Your life is not manifesting itself. This is the deeper meaning of Soyne Matanos Yechia. Become a person that doesn't want to receive. Become a person that doesn't want to take from others. Become a person that says, "I have what to contribute in this world." That will give you life. The opposite literally will take away your life because you don't feel like a zich. You don't feel like a person. There is, however, an exception to this rule And the exception to this rule is taking gifts from people that love you. Because when you take a gift from someone that loves you, it's the opposite of diminishing your worthiness. That actually enhances your worthiness. So even if you're already 25, 30 years old And you're married, and your parents come to you and they say "We love you." Let's take the kids for a week. We want to send you guys on a vacation.

12:59 That doesn't diminish you. That's a testament to how much your parents love you. So there's a certain time in your life where if you're looking for gifts from other people, if you're constantly looking for a handout, if you're looking for somebody to pat you on the back and tell you you're awesome, it's because you're lacking self worth. But when someone you love comes and gives you a gift, that enhances your self worth. That's the exception. The gift is an expression of your worthiness, not the opposite. With this in mind, we can now answer all of our questions, and you're going to see how awesome these answers are. Meisher Abenu comes to a Kaddish Baruch Hu when he says Ready for it? I want a free gift from you. I don't want to have a transactional relationship with you, Hashem. I don't want to cash in. I don't want to say give this to me because I earned it.

13:52 I want this relationship with you, Hashem, to be like a father and a son. I'm asking you for this gift not because I'm not worthy. I'm asking you for this gift because this is the type of gift that will tell me I'm worthy. That's what a father is meant to do for a child. So in general, Moshe Rabbeinu says specifically in this case, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, treat me like a son. Tell me that I'm awesome. Let me into Eretz Yisrael. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "Please stop asking." Why? Because to this type of ask, I can't say no. A father cannot say to their child, "You are not worthy." Every father says to their child, "You are awesome." So, Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants to say yes to this. Why doesn't he? Why does he tell Moshe Rabbeinu stop asking me this question? So the Medrash in several places tells us as follows: Had Moshe Rabbeinu come into Eretz Yisrael, what would he have done? He would have built the Beis Hamikdash. Anything that Moshe Rabbeinu did was true. Moshe emes v'sayrass li emes. The Torah is eternal because it came from Moshe Rabbeinu. The Torah will never be changed. Had Moshe Rabbeinu built the Beis Hamikdash, it would never have been destroyed.

15:14 But there was a time in our history where, because of the averes that we have done, the Medrash says Hakadosh Baruch Hu said I want to take my wrath out on B'anklal Yisrael, but then Chas v'Shalom, I'll be left without my nation. Rather, I'll take it out, I'll eat them va'avonim, and I'll destroy the Beis Hamikdash. But if Moshe Rabbeinu had built the Beis Hamikdash, then it would not be possible, so to speak, for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to destroy the Beis Hamikdash. Instead, he would have had to destroy Klal Yisrael. So listen to what Hakadosh Baruch Hu says to Moshe Rabbeinu. Myshcha Abenu, please stop asking me, Because of course I am a father and you are my son. And if you're asking me, am I worthy? The answer is always going to be yes. I have other children here that I need to worry about And they're your children too, Myshcha Abenu, because you are the leader of Klal Yisrael.

16:00 So you also have to be worried about these Kinderlach. You may not know them, but they're coming soon to a theater near you. And a couple of generations from now, there will be a base of Mikdash that David HaMelech builds, and there will be another base of Mikdash after that. And we have to allow those batei midrash in order to save Eretz Yisrael. We have to allow those batei midrash to be destroyed. Meir Shabenu, you as a leader You have to fagin your own worthiness. Don't turn to me as a father, because I have to worry about other children here also. And of course, Meir Shabenu stopped asking not because he didn't want to go into Eretz Yisrael. Meir Shabenu stopped asking because he said Hakadosh Baruch Hu and I have the same agenda. That's how aligned Meir Shabenu is with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So now we understand why Moshe Rabbeinu wants to go into Eretz Yisrael? Listen how the Gemara highlights it: not to be satisfied. That's not what Moshe Rabbeinu is, Hakadosh Baruch Hu. He doesn't go in because he wants the fruits. He doesn't go in because he wants to go to the fancy restaurants that we have in Eretz Yisrael. Chas v'shalom.

16:59 That's not the nature of Moshe Rabbeinu. He's not interested in those things. That's why the Gemara puts a dagish on it. What is he interested in? Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I want a relationship with you. Give me the opportunity to serve you. I wasn't able to serve you in my complete way. Why? You're my father. What does a son want? A son wants to be connected to a father. All I want is to do Your will. Let me enter Eretz Yisrael so that I can perform those mitzvot. Says Hakadosh Baruch Hu. I'll give you the schar. Which schar is Hakadosh Baruch Hu referring to? Not the childish scar of I'll give you a reward for being a good boy. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says to Moshe Rabbeinu Our relationship is intact. I see how badly you want to be connected to me, even without doing the actual action itself, because your desire is so real to do it. Because you're acting like a son would to a father, it's like you did it. You may not have done it in the action.

17:59 But leMaysa." The rutzom to do it creates, if not the body of the activity, but certainly the soul of the activity. And now we understand one last thing. Moshe Rabbeinu says to Hakadosh Baruch Hu You're asking me to give up everything. You're asking me even not to serve you in a certain sense. You're asking me to stop asking you to come into Eretz Yisrael so that we could save those Kinderlach who are going to make some mistakes and the Beis Hamikdash is going to be destroyed. But say that I am with you. You are asking me, as a result of that, not to go into Eretz Yisrael. I don't get to go into the home that we're meant to live in. That's what it means to be a family. And you are asking me not to do your mitzvot. At least let me see what I made the sacrifice for.

18:48 What did I make the sacrifice for? I didn't make the sacrifice for Chevron. I didn't make the sacrifice for Tverio. I didn't make the sacrifice for Tzfas. I made the sacrifice because there's going to be a time in Klal Yisrael's history when in Yerushalayim there'll be a Beis Hamikdash. And the Beis Hamikdash will be destroyed rather than Klal Yisrael. Let me see it. Now we understand the tzaynuh that Moshe Rabbeinu had to see it. This is what he's sacrificing everything for. But there's a deeper rutzon here also Because we said that Moshe is Moshe Amisvah Yerushalayim. As anything that Moshe Rabbeinu builds has kiyum to it. Myshar Abenu here says as follows: I can't build the Beit Hamikdash, I can't build Eretz Yisrael. But I can long for it And I can gaze at it. When you stare at something You give something to it.

19:42 That's why when you look in somebody's eyes, it's a powerful thing. You look in somebody's eyes, you make eye contact with them. You're giving them a sense of kiyum. Moshe Rabbeinu says, "I might not be able to build the Beis Hamikdash. I might not be able to build Yerushalayim because I know it needs to be destroyed." But I need to give something to the Beis Hamikdash. I need to give something to Yerushalayim. What can I give to it? Hashem, you won't let me build it. At least let me look Because if I look I'm giving it an eternal nature. That it has the ability to be destroyed, yes, because I didn't build it with my own hands. But that it will one day be rebuilt—that comes from the fact that Moshe Rabbeinu looked at the Beis Hamikdash. Since Moshe Rabbeinu looked at the Beis Hamikdash, there will come a time when the Beis Hamikdash will be rebuilt. This is the sacrifice of Moshe Rabbeinu. Moshe Rabbeinu says I won't build it.

20:33 I won't come into Eretz Yisrael because then we'll never be able to be exiled and we'll have to be destroyed. But I'll look at it so that one day it can be rebuilt. Rabbi said we're holding now by Shabbos Nachamu. And we're also holding by our last mishmar of the summer Which is crazy. Summer is always too short. Remember, you just got here. Remember, you just met your roommates, met the guys in your shirt, met the guys on your team, went to night seder. It just happened a minute ago. Goes fast. I told you it goes fast. It goes fast. We're holding now by Shabbos Nachem, we're holding by the end of the summer, and a person might Chas v'Shalom come to think NCS Yikolah was gishmak Was awesome. I was on a high coming off of NCS Yikolah, and I'm going into the year, Rabbi. How am I going to take it with me?

21:28 And what do I do when the inevitable fall happens? In NCS Yikol, it's like a nice little bubble. You don't have to worry about all the distractions of being in whatever high school situation you're in. A person goes back to different things, different challenges that we have. Maybe it's different friendships that we have, and we've grown over the summer, and maybe they haven't grown in the same way. Maybe they grew in a different way, or maybe it's a specific person that you have in mind that you had a six-week break from. Vameiv and Yavin, or maybe you're entering into certain family situations that could be complex. A million different things. A million different things. Rabbi, I know I'm going to fall. I know that there's going to be a korban. I know that I'm not going to be able to stay at this level. I know I'm coming off of the high events. Why, Kollo? The guys who are post-eleventh grade can tell you. It doesn't always last. There are bumps in the road. It's not easy.

22:20 But to those people, we say as follows: We're not yet holding by the time of things being eternal. We're not yet at the point where everything is smooth sailing. There are still bumps in the road. That's not yet our avoda. Moshe Rabbeinu understood we're not yet ready for Moshe Rabbeinu to enter into Eretz Yisrael. But you should know, Rabbi Yisai The Beis Hamikdash that lives inside of every one of us. Vosuli Mishka v'Shachanti Besoychem. The Beis Hamikdash lives inside of every one of us. It was stared upon by Moshe Rabbeinu. That means that there's something eternal about you. That no matter how many times you fall, you can get up again, and that's the Nachama. That's the Shabbos Nachamu. The Shabbos Nachamu is okay. We're not yet holding there. Moshe Rabbeinu could have forced Hakadosh Baruch Hu's hand But he's a good leader, and he cared about us. He cared about his children, just like Hakadosh Baruch Hu did.

23:15 So Moshe Rabbeinu ain't a chenami. He didn't walk into Eretz Yisrael because it would have meant our destruction. He gazed upon us. He gazed upon the yichida of our soul, the quintessential point of our soul, the bais hamikdash of our soul, the kodesh Hakadosh of our soul. Moshe Rabbeinu gazed longingly upon that space within us, and he said, 'That part of you is eternal. Other parts will go up and down. Other parts will do things we're not so proud of.' But you You are forever. You are eternal. The person that is you—that's. That will always be pure. Eloka in neshama shana sat to be tayrei. That part of you can never mess up. There's a chama in that. There's a consolation. Knowing that even after all the things that I've been through and all the things that I've done, and maybe even all the mistakes that I know I'm for sure gonna make.

24:05 How many of us have felt at the end of Yom Kippur when we're singing Loshana Abba Yerushalayim and we hear that unbelievable tkiyah shayfer. And we're saying, I know. I'm going to try my best, Rebbeinu Shlom. But I know I'm going to do aviras. I know I'm not going to stay in the state of Yom Kippur. Say there Say there. You won't stay in the state of Yom Kippur, but dance anyway. Because you know that the Rebbeinu Shlom just purified you. You know there's a loving father who says, "I take you in, no matter what," because you remain pure in the essence of your soul. And that's the most important lesson to take with you out into the real world when you leave Enceis Mikola. You go back to wherever you're going back to. Remember, it's true. Ups and downs But the nechama of Moshe Rabbeinu staring longingly at us, caring for us—that is eternal.