Parshas Mishpatim - Know Your Enemy

2:41 He'll hear she wants me to be around. So rather than respond defensively An intelligent husband will say. I really appreciate that you shared with me that it's difficult for you and that you feel lonely or abandoned when I'm not around. Because you have to learn to listen to the inner message. The same thing is true of this generation. It's the job of rabbayim, teachers, and mechanchot to pay attention. Not only to the words that are coming out of our children's mouths But the deeper intention behind those words. And rightfully, this is good. We're getting to the essence. People are demanding to know what these halachos mean. So it sounds It sounds bad sometimes when it comes out of our mouths. It sounds bad. At first glance, it sounds bad. Like in yeshiva There's a masechta called Baba Kama. Which is the halachos. Let's say of some of the halachos in the masechta pertain to what happens when one ox gores another ox.

3:49 And so what do the boys in yeshiva say? Sometimes they say, "Rabbi" I do not have one ox, let alone many oxen. That I need to be concerned about what will happen if my ox gores another ox. And they'll ask the question. What is the relevance to my life? Why am I learning this? And we have good answers to these questions. So tonight, I just want to teach you one example. One example of many examples, but one example of a halacha that appears to be about one thing And there's many, many layers, and we're gonna go a layer deeper. What's the halacha? Kitire chamor sonecha. You see your enemy's donkey rovets tachas maso, and it is being crushed beneath its burden. V'chadalta me azovlo, azov tasavimo. Would you refrain from helping your enemy? Would you refrain from helping your enemy's donkey under the burden that it's carrying?

5:04 Azov tasavimo. Go help. Help him repeatedly. Help him time and time again. At first glance. This halacha seems to be very simple. I would have interpreted this halacha something like this: be kind to the people that are not your friend. And that could be the end of the year. We could all go home. It's going to snow in Yerushalayim. I'm going to get stuck in Yerushalayim tonight because I came to teach you in Talmud Ivora. But what a beautiful sentence to say! I'm going to get stuck in Yerushalayim. If there's ever a place in the world that you want to get stuck, is it not Yerushalayim? I don't know how much my family would agree with me, but it would be a great share. Help your enemy when they need help. That could be the whole sheir. And maybe we could even push it a step further. Help your enemy repeatedly.

5:56 Do it time and time again Because it'll make you a better person. That would be a good shmos. That's a very simple understanding. If I gave that explanation, probably Not to everybody, but to some, tell me them. To some, tell me doubt. They would probably say something like this Rabbi, I come from Florida. I come from the Five Towns. Where do we come from? New york. Where in new york? Brooklyn, new york. That's spitz, new york. Brooklyn, new york. I come from the Five Towns. Even I know Brooklyn is like You don't mess with Brooklyn. Rabba, I don't see many donkeys. I don't see many donkeys walking around Brooklyn. Carrying around heavy loads. Certainly, I don't have many enemies that I need to go help them unburden their donkeys' load. So some rebbe is going to come along and go, yeah, but you have a car, and if you see somebody and their car needs a boost, you could help them. It's true and it's right, but it's not enough.

7:00 So I'd like, with your permission tonight, to share an explanation of the Barshamtof. The Balsham Tov Shus Yagan Aleinu explains this pasuk in a very different way, and one that's quite relevant to everybody in this room, including myself. But in order, before I give you the Balsham Tov, I'd like to give you an introduction An introduction to four donkeys Four donkeys that we find in Tanakh. What's the first donkey that we find in Tanakh? Anybody know? Before Bilam's donkey There was another donkey. Avram Avinu's donkey. Who said it? Where are you from? Miami. They know about Avram Avinu's donkey. When did Avram Avinu have a donkey? Akedas Yitzchak. Excellent. And where did you go to school? Hillel in Miami. Posh. Hillel education. Posh. Of course. What does it say about Avram Avinu? He saddled his donkey. Where are you from? Lakewood. Posh. Lakewood, and Miami.

8:14 Coming together. Avram Avinu was koveish is chamor. He saddled his donkey. Later on We find another donkey. The donkey of Moshe Rabenu. What did Moshe Rabenu do with his donkey? Anybody know? He put his wife and his children on the donkey. He didn't go on the donkey, but he put his wife and his children on the donkey. The next donkey after that is the donkey you mentioned. It's the donkey of Bilaam Arasha. We all know the story. That donkey spoke to Bilaam. Donkey had a relationship with Bilaam. We'll speak about that soon a little bit more. And then finally, there's the donkey of Mashiach. Pesuk says that Mashiach comes ani. He's impoverished. He's a poor man. Verochev alach amar, and here we find Mashiach is riding on the donkey. So the order is Avram Avinu saddled his donkey, Moshe Avinu put his wife and his children on his donkey, and Bilam had a relationship with his donkey.

9:16 Only Mashiach rides on his donkey. What are these four donkeys? There are four ways of seeing the physical world. Four ways of seeing the physical world. A chamar, a donkey, represents the chumrius, the physicality of this world. Four stages in creation. The first step of creation is what we're going to call kvisha sachumrius, saddling your donkey. Or to put it in terms that we are familiar with today Self-control. Self-control. I am in control of my physicality. I'm not a slave to my physicality. Girls. This is not a simple thing. To be in control of your own chumrius, to look at the physical world and say, "I can conquer this, I can vanquish this," is not a simple thing. And I'll give you an example. I learned a couple of years ago that this is a show on television. You girls have probably never heard about it.

10:24 It's called my six hundred pound life. I could not imagine what the show was about. So I asked one of the talmidim. Said, "Is there a clip you could show me?" He described the show to me. I said, "I can't believe it." So he found a clip on YouTube that he showed me. Rachmano Litzlan. I was mortified that this would be a television show. There was a person, a man. Who weighed over eight hundred pounds And he was in a bedroom. And obviously, if he doesn't get help, he's going to die. He's going to die. This is his whole show that they're bringing doctors to him. They need to weigh him. So first, they have to get him out of bed. Because he's not capable. This eight hundred pound man is not capable of getting out of the bed. So they have to come with special machines to help lift him up, of course he can't walk.

11:28 And he can't fit in a wheelchair either. So they have to come with these machines to bring him to a truck. The problem is he can't get out the front door. So in the show they break down the front door, they extend the front door so that this man, who is suffering terribly in his life, could go out the door to go to the truck. I couldn't believe they made a television show about somebody who's suffering like this. And then they bring him to a zoo to be weighed on the same scale that they weigh the elephants. This is a real thing because, you don't have you don't don't have to look it up. You could on this one you could trust, Because the standard three hundred pound scale that a person has is not shyach to him And they're filming this. And first of all, I felt so bad for him.

12:26 At some point Lega vec the pulk. You put down the chicken. This person has such an addiction to eating that he's literally eating himself into the grave. And you should hear the doctor speaking to him. The doctor's telling him, "You're gonna die." And it's not hitting him. You see, it's not here's a man. They just had to break down his front door. He's on television. He had to go in a truck because he doesn't fit in the car. Had to be weighed on an elephant scale, but he's not in control of his humerus. He's not in control. Girls, you, I'm giving an extreme example, but on some level, are we all not like this? Are we not addicted to this device? Do we want to take a look at our health report? I like that they call it a health report. Do we want to take a look at our health report? It's okay if I hold you up.

13:16 How many people are addicted? We're all addicted to something. To have self control. They literally put a warning on a box of cigarettes. This will give you lung cancer. I'll take two. How many? I remember I said to my uncle Olvashal. My uncle Saul, great guy. I loved Uncle Saul. He would sit there. He would go out by the family parties. He was already in his eighties, and he'd sit there and smoke. He was like a tough old man. He'd be sitting there smoking, like Uncle Saul. Those things are going to kill you. He goes. At this point, doesn't matter, kid. And he's like sitting there smoking. It's years of your life. It's years of your life, and yet Massive industry. We all engage in self-destructive behaviors. So the very first step of how do I deal with my physicality? How do I deal with my physical self?

14:11 It has to be vanquished. I have to have self-control. There was a commercial well before you girls were born. Pour Sprite, The tagline for Sprite was, "You remember this? Obey your thirst." Remember they had, "Obey your thirst" is a Gaia'shah concept. Your thirst should obey you. You obey your thirst. Who's in the driver's seat? Are we really? Do we really have self-control? Have we gotten to the level of mastery where what we say and how we act is appropriate? Probably not. That was the level of Avraham Avinu. That's level one. That's not the highest level. There's a level that's higher than that. This is probably a level you've also heard of. The level is forget vanquishing my physicality. There's something more that I can do with my physical self, and this is what you heard about your whole life. You can elevate. You can take your children. You can take your wife and put them on the donkey. What does that look like?

15:17 Had a chaver Also a chavrusha. His name was Adam. Now he's usher. Back then he was Adam. Adam went to Mivaseret for two years. Then, despite being Australian, he decided to go to America and to go to Yeshiva University. Where he learned under my Rebbe of Parnas. After college He went out and got a job. Went out and he got a job. Wasn't married. He went out. He got a job. And ultimately, he quit his job. Decided to come back and learn full time in yeshiva. I think he ended up doing maybe a master's, once a week at night. But he sat and learned full time until he was married, and then he learned full time for a little bit after that, and then he went back into business. But in the time that he was in business, the first time around, he came to yeshiva for Shabbos.

16:08 If Parnas had left YU, he was in Landers. And Adam came to visit Landers for Shabbos, and he asked my rebbe the following question. He said, "It's so hard to be inspired when you're out in the workforce. It's so hard to be inspired because you're sitting there all day and you're crunching numbers and you're having meetings and presentations and you're figuring out how to make money and how to make more money. And even if you learn, how do you stay focused?" He said, 'It depends on how you look at money.' It's a fundamental question of how you look at money. Do you look at money as an end for itself? Or do you look at money as something that can enhance the life that you have? For example When it comes to Ner Shabbos Costs money to buy lighter to buy beautiful silver lighter to late for Shabbos costs money.

17:04 When a person makes money, there's tuition money. That's there so your daughters can go to Beis Yaakov or Talmud Torah. So the question is, how do you view it? If Karness was telling Adam, "When you come to work every day, you have to understand this is a hechsher mitzvah, because life is expensive." Putting a roof over your children's head and being able to feed them food is a mitzvah. Going to work is a hechsher mitzvah. You could elevate yourself through the chumrius of the world. That's level number two. Not only do I have to have self control But every single thing in the world has an opportunity to be elevated. Let's explain this a little bit more. Let's say I used this marker. Let's say I used this marker to write something on the board. Write something on the board to write down, the pasuk that we're speaking about.

17:57 What went into the creation of this marker? First of all, there's the warehouse or the factory that made this marker, and all the people and all the machines that went into making this marker. There were all the trucks that brought all the raw goods into that factory, and all the trucks that took this marker out of the factory. There's the store that held this marker. There's the trucking companies that took them back and forth. There's the gas companies that fueled the trucks. Do you realize how much went into the creation of this marker? And when we use this marker, l'shem shamayim, what do we do to this marker? We elevate not only the marker but all of the things that went into the creation of the marker. So a marker is not just a marker, a table is not just a table, a phone is not just a phone. Anything can be used to elevate to become closer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. This is level number two.

18:57 The Torah takes a break And the Torah tells us the story of Bilaam. And we know that Chazal say, Belashanaki. I'm going to say it again. Just everyone should understand that it's an innuendo. Bilam had a physical relationship with his donkey. The Gemara tells us that when Bilam was talking to his donkey, Bilam behaved like a husband and wife behave with his donkey. He had a physical relationship with his donkey. What does that mean? That's not why it talks. That's funny. You are saying you got the Tisha Kavna of speech that a woman gets. It went to the donkey. That's funny. I never thought of that. That's a great thing. I'll definitely not use that because it'll deeply offend people. But since you said it, it's okay. In Yeshiva, they love it. Is the line I heard once from a Rav? They say love and marriage goes together like a horse and carriage. Which one's the horse? Not Pashen.

20:03 But that might be a beautiful thing. Bilham had a physical relationship with his donkey. What does that mean? We spoke before about this person who was the addict. Everyone Everyone, all human beings have a desire for intimacy. All human beings crave relationships. In fact, I'll say it even more than that. All human beings crave belonging. Isn't that the difference between real relationships and fake relationships? People say I'm looking for connection. Connection is a bad word. What does connection mean? Connection is too amorphous of a word. What we really want is belonging. What does belonging mean? Belonging means I can give myself over to you completely. Isn't that what we all are searching for? That's how you know when you're dating somebody. People say, 'How do you know?' Ready for it? This is a good one. If you can be completely yourself with this other person and know that they love, cherish, and accept you for who you are.

21:26 That's a good relationship. That's a good relationship. That's called belonging. That's what we want more than anything in the world. The challenge of belonging is: what does belonging require? Vulnerability. We all want belonging, but we want it without the vulnerability. The price you pay for love is vulnerability. Because if you want to belong to somebody, what do you have to do? You have to say, 'This is who I am.' What do they say? Love is giving someone the keys to your heart and asking them not to destroy it. It's love is giving someone a gun and asking, and hoping they won't pull. Hoping they won't pull the trigger. That's a good one too. Because if I want to belong, I have to be all of me, and then you have to accept me for all of me. Or you might not. So what do we do in the absence of true belonging? What will a human being do?

22:18 We are going to substitute, and we're going to substitute for the fake stuff. And the fake stuff gives us that short term gratification But long term does very little for us. I give you an example. Many, many, many years ago A very famous doctor came to Eretz Yisrael to visit his nephew. Very close with his nephew His nephew was a flourishing Talmud Chacham. I can't give too many details. You'll see why soon. His nephew was a flourishing Talmud Chacham here in Yerushalayim Erakodesh. A genius of a kid. A kid who had walked away from major family money to sit and learn in Yerushalayim And the uncle came to Eretz Yisrael to visit. Sees his nephew His nephew, how shall we say this nicely? His nephew had a different look than he had when he was a teenager. That's a nice way of saying it. Young yeshiva bachur.

23:28 His uncle was a doctor. And there were certain gedolim in Yerushalayim at the time that needed to see a very chash doctor. So this nephew started taking his uncle around to all the tzaddikim in Yerushalayim. He took him to Rav Eliezer of Zechar Tzaddik of Vracha Took him to Rav Nosson Svei Finkel of Zechar Tzaddik of Vracha, different tzaddikim in Yerushalayim. In fact, this uncle treated so many of the tzaddikim in Yerushalayim that sukkus he was honored. That he sat at the dais of the mere simchas beis shoeva, it was like all the Russian yeshiva and this doctor. He came back to America. And he said I need to find a chavrusha. So inspired by seeing these siddikim, I need a chavrusha. So a roish koyel in the neighborhood Smart man, this roish koyel Offered to learn with him at five o'clock in the morning. Here's a guy.

24:29 Who was very far removed from Orthodox Judaism And I mean, he sent his kids to yeshiva day schools. He was mostly shomer Shabbos, not exactly what we would call a God-fearing Jew. And now he's waking up at five o'clock in the morning to learn with this rosh kol. I get a call that this uncle, this doctor, wants to meet me. So I go to meet this doctor, and he tells me, "I want you to learn with my sixteen-year-old son." I did not give my son the yeshiva education that he deserved. I want you to sit and learn, teach him how to read a gemara, teach him how to be excited about his yiddishkeit. Right now, he's not excited about his yiddishkeit. I feel like if he learns with you, you could really get him into it. So I asked this doctor. I said, "No" Tell me your story.

25:15 Tell me your story. How did you end up like this? You have this baller house and in back whatever, and your and it's like I'm not saying which one. It could be there's other backs. This is a beautiful house. The guy drives a Bentley or a Machucaz. One of those types of very fancy, not a Lexus. Not like an Infinity, like a high, high, high end car. Like you're waking up at five o'clock in the morning to learn with the Rosh Kodesh. You know what he tells me? There was more Simchas Achaim in R' Yashiv's two bedroom havel in Meisharim than there is in my mansion, and I went to his house. And it's awesome. Beautiful pool in the backyard Personal workout room overlooking the pool. Gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. But he said there was more Simchas Achaim in Rav Oyashu's two-bedroom havel. Sometimes, not often.

26:14 Sometimes we make the mistake of trading intimacies. We crave real intimacy. We crave real belonging. Bilaam was a prophet. Bilam had the capacity to connect, Hakadosh Baruch Hu. But what did he do with that capacity? The desire to connect could go one of two ways. The chumrius of this world could be a trap. Doesn't have to be, but it could be. So Avraham Avinu vanquishes his chumrius. Meir Shabenu says we can elevate our chumrius. Bilam says I can't. Listen carefully. I can't stomach the vulnerability of true connection. So I'm willing to trade it in for the fake intimacy of the physical world. On some level, everybody does that. It's a very profound and powerful lesson. We only have a couple of minutes left. So we'll move on. Even though we could have spent each year on any one of these Let's go to Mashiach. Mashiach teaches us a lesson that's completely unexpected.

27:20 Something that you've probably never heard of in your life. Mashiach learns from the physicality of the world. Avram Avinu conquers the physicality of the world. Moshe Abinu elevates the physicality of the world. Bilam trades true intimacy, true belonging for the fake connection that the physical world can provide. But Mashiach sees himself as impoverished. I'm the student. I'm the one missing the information. But Roichev al Hachamor, I'm growing from the donkey. I'm riding on the donkey, meaning there's something that the physical world teaches me that I couldn't have otherwise known. What is it that Mashiach learns? And this is what's important to bring Mashiach. We need to be in this final stage. What is it that Mashiach learns from the donkey? So listen carefully. There's something unexpected in the times of Mashiach. There's more ruchniys in the physical world than there is in the spiritual world. That's the lesson of Mashiach.

28:33 What's greater? Is it greater to find Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the spiritual world, or is it greater to find Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the physical world? In the physical world, because in the spiritual world Hashem's presence is obvious But the true expression of the infinite nature of God Is that He can be found infinitely in the physical world. That there is no place that's devoid of Him. Which means that even in the most physical areas of our life, even in the areas that seem to be totally devoid of godliness That's where the most godliness is found. In the most distorted areas of our life, in the most physical, coarse areas of our lives, there's an infinite amount of spirituality that's potentially there, but you have to find it. This is not the same thing as I can elevate the physical. Here, the physical is teaching me something. The soul comes into this world, and the soul thinks, 'Why would I ever want to be in this world?' That's what the soul thinks. Why would I ever want to be in this world?

29:41 The soul comes down to this world, and it sees a beggar knocking on your door and asking you for money so that it can buy food, like an animal eats. That's what the soul is interested in. The soul, at first glance, says, "No, I'm not interested in the physical world." But then the soul learns something while it's here, and that's why the Mishnahavos says that you're born against your will and you die against your will. You're born against your will because you know what the soul says in the beginning: "I don't want to be there. It's a physical world." But then the soul discovers something. There's more ruchniis here in the physical world than there is in the spiritual world, so we die against our will because the soul wants to be here at the end. When the onion comes knocking on our door, you know what the soul says at the end of the day? I'm going to reveal the infinite nature of God in the lowest places in my life.

30:30 So this is the addict who hits rock bottom. And in the most broken places of his life, he discovers a kadosh baruch hu. That's what the Katsker Rebbe meant when he said, 'There's nothing more whole than a broken heart.' So Mashiach reveals something unbelievable. The physical world is not your enemy. The physical world is your teacher. The part of you that you don't like, the part of you that takes you to that bad place to do that silly thing that you're not proud of, that's the most godly part of you. It just needs to be revealed. Listen again to this pasuk. Listen to what the Baal Shem Tov says about this pasuk and listen to how timeless this pasuk is. Ketirah chamor sonecha. When you look at the donkey of your enemy, the Baal Shem Tov says, pay careful attention to the words. The chamor represents the physicality of this world. If you look at your donkey as your enemy Ketirah chamor sonecha. When you look at your physical self and you say that's the enemy.

31:37 My physical self that brought me to that place, that tayva, that desire that I had that was inappropriate—it's my enemy. Says the Balshemtov, don't look at it that way. It's not your enemy. This is what the pasuk says: 'Kiterichamarsanecha.' You see your physical world, you think it's your enemy. Rovets tachas maso, And it's being crushed under the burden of mitzvos. Girls, it's cold in the winter in Yerushalayim. It's warm in Tomer Devora, but it's cold in the winter in Yerushalayim. So you wake up in the morning And you have at home. You're used to In Brooklyn, maybe not in Miami, but in Lakewood, you have carpeting on your floors. And there in Israel you have tile. And your feet are cold. You wake up and you feel that chill in your bones. You know because there was a fight in the dorms about what the heat should be.

32:29 It's like just put on another blanket or wear a sweatshirt. I can't. I don't sleep well, and we have to work it out. I'm sorry. Am I touching on a chord that's very serious for you? I apologize. I mean to bring it up. So you don't want to wake up in the morning and put your foot on that stone floor because it burns. It gets to your gut. You don't want to pour nagelwasser with that freezing cold water on your hands and then schlepp yourself to Davin. It's like your mind. You're the amazing thing that our mouth can speak. And our mind is somewhere. You're not conscious. You're not awake. But you're davening. You know this. You ever have that? The rav of my shul always says, "When's the first time we have kavanah during davening?" By the shir shal yom, because you have to think about what day it is.

33:22 You're in the middle of Shemona Esrei, but you're six thousand miles away. You'd be better off making a tefillah sederach. It'd be like it's a burden. Yiddishkeit. That's what happens when you see. The physical world is your enemy. The physical world is my enemy, and it's being crushed under the burden. I don't want to get up in the morning and daven. I want to stay in my bed. It's so comfortable. I don't want to chesed. I don't have to go out of my way. So your donkey is being crushed. It's hard. We're saying it's meaningful. So what do you say? I want to distance myself from the physical world. I want to remove myself from the physical world. I want nothing to do with the physicality of this world. I want to ignore it. I want to ignore it. Wouldn't that be great if I could just ignore all of my physical desires? Says the Balshemtov. That would be terrible.

34:16 To ignore your physical desires is to ignore the godliness that inheres with those desires. The desire to be comfortable. The desire to be connected. These things are spiritual if you're paying attention to them. Don't listen to the advice of the pasuk. Don't remove yourself from the physical world. Go help your physical body. Help your physical body realize its true nature. This brings a person closer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. This is the difference between us and the Christians. In the Christian world, the best thing you could be is to be abstinent, to be removed from the physical world. In Yiddishkeit, we have three levels: self control. Elevate the physical, but most importantly Pay attention to the physical world because there's something exceptionally spiritual about it. But you have to pay attention to the man behind the curtains, not like in the Wizard of Oz. You have to look deeper and see what's really going on.

35:17 There's a Not a mussar chas v'shalom. I don't give mussar. There's a lesson that I think we can learn from this. It's a lesson of kindness and compassion. I'm going to bring this down to earth. We said a lot of very high things. There's something that I've noticed here, there, and everywhere. We have an inner critic inside of ourselves. That's a very, very, very dangerous voice. When we do the wrong thing. Our inner critic tells us, "You're shagets." It's disgusting what you did. You should be ashamed of yourself. It's very dangerous. The word shame means I am unworthy of love and connection because of what I did. There's a very big difference between shame and guilt. Guilt Again, assuming that it's in the appropriate measure, guilt is very healthy. Guilt tells us guilt is like the bumps on the side of the highway. It reminds us to calibrate back into our lane.

36:35 Guilt tells us because of who you are, you're worthy of doing the right thing, and this was beneath your dignity. Shame tells you that you're unworthy of love and connection. The voice The inner critic That shames you after you've done the wrong thing. You should know that voice. It's telling you You're the enemy. You need to be defeated. And that's a very, very, very bad thing. It's impossible to serve anyone. It's impossible to be connected to yourself. It's impossible to be connected to another. It's impossible to be connected to Hashem, if you think that there are parts of you that are the enemy. Every part of you makes a hundred percent sense. Every part of you is understandable. It doesn't mean that what you did was okay But you're okay even when you did the wrong thing. The Bais Shemtov's lesson about the chumrius of this world is particularly relevant to our generation.

37:43 Make sure that you're not treating yourself as the enemy. Make sure that you're not saying. You're such a terrible person! You know you heard a schmooze from Rav Wenglin or from Rav Berg on a Wednesday night, but then already that Thursday night you were out in a funny place and doing a funny thing, and look at you! And how could you possibly have done that? It must be that it's not real. That's how you're going to be crushed under the burden. Because you see your chumrius as the enemy Treat yourself with kindness and compassion. Treat yourself with respect. Ezra Hashem, a person who has a gentle voice, a voice that tells them this was a mistake, but I can do better. Those are the ones that not just elevate the physical, but learn from their physical desires, how to truly connect to themselves, to another, and to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.