Matos - Making His Ratzon Our Ratzon

2:43 So the pasuk later tells us that we take out the clay kodesh to wage war against the Midyanim. What are the clay kodesh? So listen what Rashi says. Unbelievable Rashi. Very difficult to understand. Rashi says Zeha Aron vaAtzitz. We took the aron to wage battle against Midyanim, and we took the tzitz. What was the tzitz? The band that went on the Cohen Gavel's forehead that said Kodesh LaShemah. Why? Shahaya Bilamimayim. Because Midyan wasn't waging war by themselves; Bilam was fighting on their side. So now we start to get a sense of what's going on. This is not only Moshe Rabbeinu going to wage war against Midyan. This is Moshe Rabbeinu waging war against two, against Bilam. Bilam and Moshe Rabbeinu. They're foils for one another. You have a great education. You must have heard that term. They were foils for one another. Moshe Rabbeinu was a tremendous navi. Bilam also had a tremendous nivua.

3:57 This is not just a war against Midyan. This is a war against Bilaam. Listen what Rashi says. This battle was not fought on the earth because the kings of Midian knew how to fly. This is what Rashi says. They were flying in the air. And who was flying with them? Bilaam was flying with them. And how did they come to fly? Rashi says magic. Kishuf. That's how they knew how to fly. How did we take them down? Here, lahem es atzitz, she Hashem chokok bow. Once they saw the tzitz that we brought out to the battlefield And they saw the sheim Hashem that was engraved on the tzitz that was chokok bow, was engraved on the tzitz. Haim Noflim, they would fall And that's how they would die. It sounds like an incredible battle. If the kings of Midyan are flying around, and who's flying around with them? Bilam is flying with them. And what are we doing? We're running around with the tzitz. Once they would see the shame Hashem that was engraved on the tzitz, then they would fall and they would die.

5:23 Rabbi said, "What's the pshat for us?" What are we supposed to do with such a Rashi? I was speaking to Rabbi Kroll earlier today. Most of us read a Rashi like this in Shnayim Mikra. What do we do? Lighter in Shnayim Mikra. What do we do with such a Rashi? I want to share with you a pshat. I can't take credit for this pshat. It's not mine. It's from Rav Aron Lapianski Shlita, who is zayich to have in our generation. We're living in a generation with Rav Lapianski. It's an unbelievable thing. He's out in Silver Spring. Nobody knows why he's out in Silver Spring, but he's out in Silver Spring, and there's Torah pouring forth from him. And basically, you have to take every opportunity you can to learn the Torah of Rafa Klianski. I'm going to try to share with you to the best of my ability, and it'll certainly be tainted by my own ego, but I'll do my best to share with you the Torah that I heard from Klianski on this subject. Unbelievable, unbelievable Torah.

6:17 Rafa Klianski says as follows. Chazal tell us that the tzitz was mechaper for azuz panim. The tzitz was mechaper for chutzba, for azuz panim. There are two types of azuz panim that are associated with the face. There's the azuz panim of the ayref Of the back of the neck And there's the azuz panim of what's called azuz matzach, the forehead. Two types of azl. What's the difference between these two types of chutzpa? The chutzpa of the erif is somebody tells you something. You're not interested. Baruch Hu tells you to wake up in the morning. You go. I want to sleep. It's not in your face. It's not you that you're connected. I was up till two o'clock in the morning. I was hanging out with my chaverim in the dorms in the bunks. So I don't want to get up for shachris. You're not a misnagid. You're not against. You're just not doing what you're supposed to be doing. Aladash Baruch Hu. You want me to do one thing. I want to do another.

7:35 That's called the azuz of the oirif, the back of the neck. Azuz metzach The azuz, the chutzpa of the forehead. If somebody looks at you in your face. And they tell you to do something And you look right back at them and you say, "No." There's a chayos, there's a life force that a person has when they look at another person and they go, "No, I don't want to do that." I don't want to do what you want me to do. In fact, it could very well be that really I want to do the exact same thing that you want me to do, but because you want me to do it, I won't do it. I'm sure none of you know there's such a thing as a stubborn teenager. You've heard of this concept before. Not you, your brothers. Your sisters, people you know, people in your neighborhood.

8:30 A parent tells the child to do something. And the kid really has no problem with doing it. But they're in a rebellious stage; they have oppositional defiant disorder. Now we've given it letters, so it makes sense. Kid says no. Why? Because I don't want to give you the satisfaction that I'm doing what you want me to do. That's called azusmetzah Because you're looking at somebody in the face and you're saying your rotzon is not my rotzon And my rotzon is more primary than your rotzon. When we unpack this The word is control. You don't control me. You don't control me. You don't tell me what to do. You hear somebody say that? You don't tell me what to do. I control my life. It's my life, and I'm in charge of it. You can't tell me what to do. And you see, as Yeshiva guys get older They start to make decisions in their life. For those that are Madrichim in the room Their parents want them to do one thing.

9:35 And they want to do another. And they go to their Rebbe. It always sounds the same way. I know. On the one hand, I love my parents. I hear where they're coming from. But on the other hand, it's my life. What are they really saying when you unpack it? You have one ratzon, I have another ratzon, and I don't want to be controlled. So there's a chutzpah. There's a chutzpah. I'm not saying Chassid Shalom. I just want to be clear. I'm not saying that because your parents at a certain age tell you to do something, there is a mussar of it's your life and you're able to lead it the way you want to. I'm not here to comment that. But at a certain age, your father tells you to do something, your mother tells you to do something. You look at them in the face and you go no. It's a control. I'm in charge of myself. Most people Most people I would imagine Are part of the Am Kisseh Oref group.

10:33 We don't have Azas Mezach. Most people in this room don't have Azas Mezach. Most people in this room, if we're not waking up for Shacharis, it's not because we're sitting there telling the Rebbe Nachum. I don't wake up for chakras. You don't control my life. Most people are not like that. Most people, if they sleep in, do so because the mattress of the bed is very comfortable. The pillow is very comfortable. The blankets are very comfortable. The floor is very cold. And I was up late the night before. I was on my phone too late. Most people are not bad people. This is an am kishayoref type of thing. But sometimes in our lives. Sometimes in our lives we come to a certain point And we start saying to ourselves But it's my life, isn't it? It's my life. The Rebbeim Shlom was telling me what to do, and I know what's right.

11:28 Come on, it's my life. I don't get to decide what I want to do with my life. You'll start noticing in these conversations that the word "I" and "mind" start to come up very often. It's my life. Why shouldn't I get to do what I want to do with my life? And you start to ask yourself a question: If you're a thoughtful person Is it your life? It's not so plush. Is it your life? Eloikai neshama shen asat be'tahiri. You're the one that gave me this neshama. You're the one that gave me this life. To whom does this life belong? Rav Lichtensteins eichesadikal Bracha. Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva's higher etzion. Had a line. It's a brilliant line. He said, "If religion is not true, it should mean nothing to you." But if it's true, it should mean everything to you. If we believe in Yiddishkeit Then Yiddishkeit must become the lens through which we see the world. It informs the families that we raise, the people that we marry, the communities that we live in, and how we engage with those communities. It determines how we daven. It determines how much we learn.

12:47 It determines how we interact with each other and how we deal in business. There's no such thing. If we really believe that this thing is true, religion, in a certain sense, is the most ambitious of claims. Because it says everything in the world comes from this. There's no discipline in the world that doesn't fall under the rubric of religion. So you start to ask yourself a question: If I really believe in this Yiddishkeit How far am I willing to take them? So it's like Like of course you got to do the right thing And then there's that word that comes. But you know But you have to be practical. But you have to be practical. What does it mean? But you have to be practical. If it's true, it means everything to us. If it's not true, it should mean nothing to us. But if we believe that it's true, then it's not only primary.

13:47 It's our responsibility, and this is a very high level. But it's in NCSY, Colo, we don't draw the lines backwards. We push the lines forward. You guys are the next generation. We're trying to raise ambitious, passionate Jews. The goal of a yid at the highest level, and it's a level, and it's a spectrum. I don't want anyone to have a feeling of anxiety walking out of this that I'm not a perfect Jew. You're welcome to your feelings either way, but I prefer you not to have those feelings. But there is a musuk. That our responsibility is to transform our will into the will of the Rebbeinu Shalom. Meaning, what do I want from my life? I want what the Rebbeinu Shalom wants from me. That's a very high level. But sometimes we live in conflict. But la ma'isa, I don't want that. You have a guy, and he comes from a certain community, and maybe in his community the culture is not, as a teenager, to be shomer negia.

14:51 And he's He's not holding in arguments. The guy doesn't have sophisticated arguments. He doesn't disagree. He's just like many teenagers. What does he say? He's like, okay, Rabbi, nice shmos, but I don't care. This is what I want to do right now. I remember when I was in high school. I had a very well-intentioned, very sweet Rabbi. He was a very nice man. And he saw that a bunch of us were talking in davening. Very, very nice man. So what did he decide to do? He went over to the shelves and got a sefer in tefila. And he brought it over to us. And he opened up the sefer, and he said Chaver, I don't know if you realize. He was so sweet, he was so nice. He goes, Chaver, I don't know if you realize But it's usher to talk now in davening. It says right here that it's usher to talk at this point of davening.

15:46 I was a chutzpahlic teenager, so I started laughing in his face and I was like, "You know what's funny?" You think the problem is that I don't know it's usher to talk right now in davening. The problem is not that I don't know what's usher to talk in davening. The problem is I don't care to daven. Don't come to me with a sefer saying what's mutter and usher. Why in the world should I daven? Because my rutzim was not to daven. That's not where I was holding at that time. I wasn't particularly passionate about opening the words of a book and just reading them, even though I didn't understand it and I couldn't understand why we would do the same thing day after day. I wasn't interested. What the Rebbe didn't say to me, what I wish he would have said to me Privately, quietly, on the side, after building a relationship, of course. I wish the Rebbe would have said Whose life is it?

16:35 There's an arrogance to that. I don't daven. The Rebbe Nachman wants to hear from you. I don't want to. I don't find it interesting. But that's your responsibility. Your responsibility is to say, if I'm not finding passion in my davening, how can I find passion in my davening? Not I don't find passion in my davening, so I'm not davening. A guy opens up a sefer. The sefer is written in Aramaic. He can't translate it. He can't punctuate it. He can't vowelize it. So he closes the sefer and says it's irrelevant to my life. I don't want to learn gemara. No If I care it The sefer is written in Aramaic, and you can't punctuate it, and you can't translate it, and you can't vowelize it. So how am I going to find my way into this gemara? How am I going to figure out how to make this meaningful to me?

17:27 Not because it's meaningful to me, but because it's meaningful to him. And if it's meaningful to the Rebbeinu Shalom, then it has to become meaningful to me. That's an ambition. That's something to shoot for. And we do a terrible disservice to our talmidim when we talk about it's so gishmak It's so gishmak because then we turn it into a narcissistic Judaism. It's not only about us. No, I have to show every guy how it's relevant. Of course, it's relevant, and of course, we should learn how it's relevant. But that's not the beginning. The beginning is that there's a rabbanu shalom, and the rabbanu shalom put us here for a reason. And you are called upon to fulfill the mission of reality. And that's huge, and I want you to know that in my experience, it's much more inspiring for a rebbe to come along to us and to say to us, 'You should know that you are valued, and you're here for a purpose, and you're part of something bigger than yourself.'

18:19 How far we've come as a culture! It used to be that a president would get up there and he would say, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.' And today, it's the opposite. We've turned everything into narcissism. What do you want? How can we serve you? Of course, when we turn around and we've raised a generation of people that are all about serving themselves, what do we want from them? Then they turn around and they go, "Why should I daven?" And they're right to say that. We raised that. We created that problem. As opposed to saying, "Rabbi, sir" You're here for a reason. You're here for a reason. You don't like davening? Great. It's an awesome opportunity to clarify what davening can be. So that you can fit into the will of Rebbeinu Sholom, so you can serve a purpose that's higher than yourself.

19:12 Listen to Rabbi Yonkis Pshat. It's an unbelievable pshat. Bilam is azus metzah. That's what he is. Rebbeinu Sholom says to him, "This is what I want from you. I don't want you to curse Klal Yisrael." What does Bilam do? I'm going to figure out how to subvert the will of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. What's the ultimate subversion of reality? There's one law of nature that's so profound it impacts every one of us all the time. It's called gravity. Called gravity. Bilam Harasha. He learned Hakadosh Baruch Hu so well. He learned the system of reality so well. He had such unbelievable awareness of reality. But because he was doing it through the lens of his own ego, he learned for the purpose of subverting reality. Sometimes you find people like this that they learn halacha for the purpose of twisting halacha. You ever meet people like this? I hope you never meet people like this. But there's such a thing in this world of people that learn halacha to distort halach.

20:17 And they're big talmidei chachamim. But it's clear that it's their own racham. They interpret the Torah not according to the way of the Messiah. But to subvert the Torah so that the Torah could say what they want. This was Bilam Yerusha, a tremendous knowledge of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. But why? So that he could fly above the system So that he would not be bound by the system, so that he could be in control. That's what Kishuf is. Kishuf is such a deep awareness of what Hakadosh Baruch Hu does, the metaphysics of the world, but not for the purpose of serving Hakadosh Baruch Hu, for the purpose of doing what Bilaam wants to do. And Moshe Rabbeinu is the foil for Bilaam. Moshe Rabbeinu is told, 'You cannot die until you take revenge upon Midyan, because Midyan has been infected with the theology, with the philosophy of a Bilaam.'

21:11 Midyan are people that are here in the world to serve themselves. A malk we say there's mechias a malk we have to destroy them But Midyan, we have to stand as a foil against them. We take nakama, we take revenge. We have to undo what Midyan has brought into the world. Moshe Rabbeinu, you cannot die until you take down Midyan. And Moshe Rabbeinu, because he's the ultimate in humility. Because he's let go of control in his life, he knows he's not in control. He gives control up to the Rebbeinu Shlom. Listen to what Rashi says. How does he do it? Besimcha. But if you fulfill this mission, you're going to die. But if that's what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants from me, then I'm happy to do so. Vloicher, and he doesn't delay because he's mevaka himself to the will of Hashem, and that's the highest level that a person can reach.

22:00 And how does he fight? Listen, the words of Rashi. The words of Rashi are so precious. He pulls out the tzitz that's mechaper for the azuz upon him. And it's not just that shame Hashem is on it. But what does Rashi say? Shame Hashem is chakluk; it's engraved upon the tzitz. There's a difference between kseva and hakika. There's a difference between writing and engraving. Something that's written can be erased. Something that's engraved, it defines its essence. The tzitz was kodesh la Hashem. The tzitz says that the das that you have in your head is not to subvert the will of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, but it's to fulfill the will of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. When the Kohen Gadol wears the tzitz, it's the highest level that a person can possibly reach. He's takes his das and he says,"I'm doing the will of Hakadosh Baruch Hu with it." It's a hakika. It's who I am.

22:56 My Rebbe Shlita said The Mishnah says 'Kasev ani archadash.' You learn when you're young. It's like writing on a fresh piece of paper, but if you learn when you're old, it's kikasov al niar machuk. It's like writing on an erased paper. So my rebbe said, "So what do we do, Rabbi Sa? What do we do if we're already older and we're learning? Learn be'ion Because then it's no longer k'siva, it's hakika, it's engraving. When you engrave something upon yourself," It's who you become. When Moshe Rabbeinu takes the tzitz onto the battlefield and he shows it to these Midianites, he shows it to these kings of Midian, he shows it to Bilam, they fall because they cannot subvert Hakadosh Baruch Hu's will all the way. At the end of the day, when they see the words Kodesh L'Hashem on the tzitz, they fall and they die.

23:50 This is the final word of Moshe Rabbeinu's life. With this, he's finished. To bring into the world hakika that our lives are engraved with the Ratzon Hashem. Can we say that? Can we say in the community? Can we say that we're living lives where Al Kadosh Baruch Hu is primary, where he's first? We talk a lot about complexity. We talk a lot about nuance, and those are good words. But sometimes truth is black and white. There's an Abister And his will comes first. Can we say that? Can we say that's the feeling in our shuls? Can we say that's the feeling in our battey medrash? Are they full? Are they rocking? And if not Perhaps we need to ask ourselves why not. But you You are the revolution. You in this room are the revolution. Because you said I have a summer in front of me And I could go anywhere this summer And you chose.

25:00 What time is it? 11:45 at night on a Thursday night. You said I'm going to be in the bais medrash. There's not five of you here, and there's not ten of you here. There's many of you here, Baruch Hashem. You are a group of people that have chosen to place the will of Hakadosh Baruch Hu first. And you have a responsibility. Not chash v'shalom to stand in judgment of any other Jew. But to be a light To be a light that shines so brightly that when you go back to school You're a different person. You're a person who approaches a test I know the culture in some of our schools is that there's dishonesty around tests. But you're a person who doesn't cheat because you have a value. And that value is integrity and honesty, and you're putting the rabbinic shem first, so you don't cheat on a test And you take your yiddish kait seriously, and you take shears seriously, and you ask your rebbe for help, and you figure out how to break in, and people will look at you and they'll say, "Wow, he went on NCSY kollel, and look what he's doing. He's taking his life seriously, and look how he daven's. He doesn't daven like he's having a seizure. He's not like shuckling like all of a sudden. It's not what I'm talking about. But he is a person who has a strong sense of responsibility and integrity.

26:15 A person who doesn't talk during davening. A person who's actually having a conversation with Hashem, who's imagining the world in a new way, who's taking life seriously. Rabbi Sa, you this summer, right here, right now in this room, you have the capacity to make a change. There are some schools. That they push the last couple of years, Baruch Hashem, they push their guys after tenth grade. Come on, NCSY Kol for the summer, and we see that years later—not that many years later, four or five years later—we see already the changes in those schools. Because there's a culture. A guy comes back from NCSY Kol, and he's thoughtful and he's thinking, and he says, "How do I put the Ziyadist in the front and center of my life? How does it become the lens through which I see the world?" I have a cover of mine.

27:05 He likes to make fun. He's not religious himself. But he likes to make fun of a concept called heter vacation. You guys know what heter vacation is? Heter vacation. When I'm home, when I'm in Teneck, when I'm in Bergenfield, when I'm in the Five Towns, when I'm in Skokie, when I'm in Los Angeles, wherever I am, certain communal norms. Heter vacation, man. When I'm in the Caribbean, when I'm in Greece, when I'm in Rome, nobody's around. I can do what I want. Vaysei, we're not here for a vacation. We're here to serve their banis shalom. Does it mean we have to be perfect? We're all human beings on a journey. But what's our destination? What are we shooting for? What are we aiming for? We're aiming that our will should be aligned with our Kadosh Baruch Hu's will. I want to be careful with my words. Some of you will understand what I'm saying, and some of you will not. And it's okay if you don't understand what I'm about to say. There's a shprach Not a good shprach. It's not a shprach that we want.

28:19 It's a shprach about certain communities in Klal Yisrael. That community now takes their Yiddishkeit seriously. Terrible, terrible to speak that way about Jews. Terrible to speak that way about Jews. Terrible to be mitzi laws on a community. Terrible Terrible! How could we lump together all these beautiful people in one thing and say they're all chas v'shalom to speak that way? Chas v'shalom to speak that way, especially if the community doesn't really believe that. Speak to their rabbanim of the community; it's not what their rabbanim believe. You speak to the leadership of the community. Chas v'shalom to speak that way And yet we must do a better job. In representing our community We must do a better job going out there and saying yes. To be a guy who comes on NCSY Cole, to be a guy from our community means that you're a guy who says the Rebbeinu Sholm is primary in my life.

29:22 You have big decisions coming up ahead of you in the next couple of years, from the Madrichim all the way down to the post tenth grade guys. How do you make those decisions? What's the rubric through which a passionate Jew makes those decisions? It's a very simple and complex equation. The simplicity of the equation is, what does the Rebbeinu Shalom want from me? The complexity of the equation is I don't always know the answer to that question. But the equation itself is, what does the Rebbeinu Shalom want from me? That's our mission. Rebbe said a bit of the summer has already. Has already gone past us. What are we? A week and a half into the summer already. Pretty wild. How much longer do we have left? Are you taking the opportunity? Are you grabbing the minutes? I was watching before I came into the beis medrash ten fifty five.

30:20 And I'm watching a kol Torah in this beis medrash. I dare say there's not another beis medrash in the world right now at eleven o'clock at night that has this many Bachrim Steiging. It's unbelievable. It's incredible. Take advantage of your madrichim. Take advantage of your rebbeim. If you're having conflicts in your yiddishkeit, if you say, 'I don't know,' on the one hand I want this, and on the other hand I want that, and I don't know what to do with it. Take advantage of this opportunity to have those conversations. The clarification of your life, of what you want your life to look like. If you spend the time this summer to say, 'This is the direction I'm headed. I'm on Team Eibshutzler. I'm going with the Rebbeinu Shalom.' You have no idea, Rabbi Yisai, where that could take you in your life. It's a life of passion. It's a life of purpose, and that ultimately is the goal of a Jew. Rabbi Yisai, I have a beautiful shabbos.