Matos - Leading A Selfless Life

2:06 Not twelve Ostensibly But thirteen. Nine and a half is an excellent guess. I'm curious where your half was from. So you're getting okay. But say there. In this case, it was ostensibly thirteen because Rashi says that even Shavet Levi went to fight this war against Midyan. So if every shevet sent a thousand, Yosef is of course not one shevet. Yosef is both Menashe and Ephraim. It should have been thirteen thousand that went. So some suggest that in this case Menashe and Ephraim were considered one shevet, but that's not necessarily the pashat. The shaila is, why does it only say twelve thousand were given over to war? So Rashi tells us another interesting thing. Rashi tells us, 'What's this lashon of vayimasu that twelve thousand were given over to war?' What does Rashi say? Anybody know? They didn't want to go. They were compelled to go.

3:05 And why did they not want to go? Because they didn't want Moshe to die. Very good. Listen, once you were on the ball, you started it rolling. You're doing great. Because they didn't want Moshe Rabbeinu to die. We have a fascinating contrast. On the one hand, Moshe Rabbeinu finds out he's going to die. He runs to wage war against Midyan. Here we have these twelve thousand soldiers. We're missing a thousand. We don't know what to do with that yet. But the pshat they were given over because they didn't want to fight because they didn't want to let go of Moshe Rabbeinu. They said we're not so down, so they had to be forced to do it. What's the pshat over here? What's the pshat that these soldiers, these chayalim, didn't want to go to fight, and Moshe Rabbeinu was running to fight? I want to share with you an amazing concept.

3:54 It's a very simple concept, but it's a life-changing concept. How do we relate to Chesed? How do we relate to Chesed? That's a good question. How do we relate to Chesed? There are two ways of relating to Chesed. Some see Chesed as a burden. I don't want to be about Chesed. I'm being torn in so many directions. It's going to be exhausting. I can't come up with a million excuses. On the other hand, some people see chesed as a privilege. Somebody needs, and I have the ability to help them. They run to do it. Today we find people in Klal Yisrael doing the most amazing chesed. You have what's the high lifeline thing that everybody is doing now? Makem Simcha. What's the one that they do all year long? Aishain. People are running to do Aishain. People are running to donate limbs of their body.

4:51 It's like a funny thing. It's become a trendy thing to give away kidneys to those who need them. It's a very beautiful chesed. Some people are running to do chesed. They don't see it as a burden. They see it as a privilege. Other rabbi, I have and I could give. That's gevuldek. What's the chiluk? Why are there some people that they seem a little bit selfish? A little bit more like. Chesed is a burden, and others see it as a privilege. What's the chiluk? The chiluk is like this. There's two ways of focusing your life. That's the key word, focus. There are two ways of focusing your life. Outwardly and inwardly. If you focus your life outwardly Which is the ideal way to focus your life Then life becomes about what I can do for others. I was put into this world to help others. Oylem chesed yibane. The Rebbeinu Shlom created a world through chesed. He didn't need to. He created a world through chesed, and I was put on this earth in order to help others. That's what gives me chayas in this world.

6:00 So if my life is externally focused, outwardly focused, what can I do for Yanim? What can I do for somebody else? Somebody comes along and they need something. I run to do it, and not only do I run to do it, it gives me the greatest joy in the world. For me to be able to help another person gives me an unbelievable simcha, and I'm grateful that I had the opportunity. It's not a small thing what we're saying now. This is a massive psychological insight. The biggest joy that you can get in your life is from helping somebody else. Of course, that's only true if your focus is outward. What can I do to help somebody else? Other people are inwardly focused. What's the chiluk between an outwardly focused and an inwardly focused? Life is not about what I can do for others, but life is about what happens to me.

6:56 I have a certain amount in the tank. And every time I give it away to somebody else, I'm diminished. There are people that live like this. I only have X amount to give. So if somebody comes along and they say to me, "Hey, could you help me out?" and now I have to reach into my pocket and pull out a couple of shekels to give to them, it's a couple shekels less than I have. If somebody comes over to me and they don't know the pshat in the Gemara, they say, "Hey, could you spend five minutes with me explaining to me the pshat in the Gemara?" but I have five minutes less now. I have five minutes less to take for myself. So they feel diminished And that is a sad life. And that's why you see people who are like this. These people who are inwardly focused are miserable because life constantly takes from you.

7:44 Life is always something going on, and you're going to have to give out. If you're an outwardly focused person, Gvaledik, I get to give. If you're an inwardly focused person, it's like I have to give. The same five dollars that you reach in your pocket and give to somebody else. The same exact action for one person is joyful, and for the other person is miserable. I'll tell you a ma'isa. It's a true ma'isa. In fact, there's a person in this room that could verify it, but I'm not going to ask him to verify it. There's a guy in the five towns who's known to be a big baltsdaka. He's known to be a big balchesed. Heard a rumor that so many mishulachim come to his door on Sunday. I heard a rumor that he doesn't even get dressed. That he just, if people come to the door and he's not a hundred percent dressed, he invites them in. He gives them stuck. He's like, listen, if they want my money, I'm not getting dressed all the time. I hear it. I'm not here to judge. But I wanted to see a shnickle if it was true. It happens to be. I'm quasi related to this person.

8:54 Like in a very not really related way, but I'm quasi related to this person. I said to this guy's wife I said, "Is it true that your husband sometimes gives out tzedakah not dressed?" She said, "Yeah." I said, "I gotta see this." I said, "Can I come, please, knock on your door and pretend to be a moshulach?" It's not so crazy if you look at me. The line between moshulach and rebbe is very thin. If you don't know a guy like me and someone likes me knocks on your door, what's your first thought? Your first thought is coming for tzedakah. I once had this many years ago when I was still living in America. I had a Talmud who got sick, and I thought I was going to be a very good rebbe. I went to be mavaker cholim and knocked on the door. And the mother said, "I'm sorry, we don't give door to door." I said, "No, I'm your son's rebbe." She said, "I'm so sorry. Please come in." I understand. I know what I look like. Beseder, I said to this woman, "Can I come? Can I come, please, to knock on your door?"

9:49 So she said, 'He's going to recognize you.' I said, 'Why would he recognize me? He hasn't seen me in so many years. Why would he recognize me?' I go to the house. I put on my hat. Crumple it even a little bit, a tie like disheveled. I know what it looks like. I know how to pull it off. I knock on the door. Sure enough, this guy comes to the door with the warmest smile. Please come in. Say, like I'm walking into the house. I have no idea if he recognizes me, and he goes. So I'm here collecting for my yeshiva. He said, of course. He said, are you from Shalvim or Reshet? So I didn't know what to do in that moment. So I said Shalvim. He goes, 'Okay, I give to Shalvim. The only place I don't give is Mevaseret.' He recognized me from a long time already. He did recognize me. He was just pranking me.

10:38 So we're sitting there in his kitchen. It's a true story. We're sitting there in his kitchen, him, his wife, and his mother-in-law, and he walks out for a couple of minutes. He comes back with a very nice-sized check. A very nice hash tag, and he hands it to me. I said I was kidding. This was a prank. I wasn't actually coming for money. And he's like, this for you. It's for the yeshiva. I was like, come on, man. I really was just coming as a joke. I turned to his wife. I said, please get him to take it back. She said, if you don't take it, he's going to give it to somebody else. So I took it and gave it to the yeshiva. It's an unbelievable thing. I came to the door for a prank. I walked out with a very—I'm not talking about a $360 check.

11:24 A very nice size check. It's a person who gives out. His wife tells me all day long. He's just writing checks, giving them out. Slip shot. It's certain people that they get hanaf from it. The Rebbeinu Shalom gave me, so I'm giving it out. What slip shot? It's because they're externally focused. It's a joyous thing. The same activity for somebody else is miserable. I just gave away nafka thousand dollars, nafka five thousand dollars, nafka ten thousand dollars. I'm constantly getting hit up. You see that they're very upset by it. What's the pshat? The pshat is like this. You could be entitled. Or you could be empowered. There are some people who show up to life and say, life owes me. Life owes me. What is life doing for me? Everything is about them. I was talking with somebody earlier tonight, and he was telling me a new thing about post ninth grade.

12:23 It's like a lot of kids now that it's magil achem. It's like an understood thing. We go on these massive trips. Panama, West Coast. There's all these camps in the summer that are. There's a certain and if your mother or your father say you're not going on that trip. What do you mean? Everybody goes. I'm entitled. If I'm entitled, life is about me. What I have is for me. I don't want to give it out to anybody else. Other people have a different ashkafa, and this is a taira ashkafa. It's not your life. This life does not belong to you. This life is a gift from the Rebbeim Shlulam. He gives it to you, and he entrusts it to you, and he says, 'You are the steward of this life.' It's yours to guard. It's yours to do something with it. Everything you have is meant to be used in the service of this life.

13:21 That's the nature of life. You see, certain rabbanim They live with a sense of They're like they're hefker. They just give everything they have. They tell stories about chayim brisker. Rav Chaim Brisker's house was a reshus harabim. That literally, people used to come and sleep in his house. Aniim would fall wherever they fell. That's where they slept. They say that when Brisk, there was a famous fire in Brisk. Rav Chaim refused to sleep on a mattress as long as Yidden in Brisk still didn't have a house to live in. There are people whose entire life, aside from his learning and all the things he was doing in yeshiva. People, their life is for others. And then there are people; they're very guarded. Why are they guarded? It's my life. It's my life. It's the Rebbeinisholim's life. You're not entitled to anything. Whatever you have, it's what you're going to do for the Rebbeinisholim? What are you going to do for your neighbor? What are you going to do for somebody else?

14:19 There's a word. I'm going to prepare you for this. There's a word. It's a toxic word. Don't ever use this terminology. When it comes to guys going to Eretz Yisrael for the year, I'll prepare you now. You have a lot of people say this is your year. You ready for the toxic word to be selfish? Chas v'shalom. You want to say this is your year to build yourself, and therefore you might need to be inwardly focused a little bit. No problem. But the task of building yourself is to go help somebody else. The task of becoming something is what you can contribute, not what you can take. There is no vision of growth in Yiddishkeit through the lens of selfishness. It's not possible. It goes against the nature of what Hakadosh Baruch Hu created. We are not here to be selfish. Moshe Rabbeinu is the ultimate. He's the ultimate Anav. He's the ultimate humble man. What does it mean to be humble? To be humble means I stand in submission to the Rebbeinu Shalom. That's what true humility means. I stand in submission to the Rebbeinu Shalom. So what did Moshe Rabbeinu say? Whose life is it? It's not my life. It's the Rebbeinu Shalom's life.

15:39 So when Moshe Rabbeinu was told by Hakadosh Baruch Hu to wage war on Midyan, Moshe Rabbeinu then tells Klal Yisrael for who? We're going to wage war on Midyan not to exact vengeance for ourselves. We're going to do it for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. What was Moshe Rabbeinu teaching Klal Yisrael? Don't wage war on Midyan for yourself, because then what are you going to be? You're a selfish person. You're an entitled person. That's a miserable way to live your life. Go do it for something else. Go do it for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Nature of what it means to be a Balchesed. Moshe Rabbeinu was interested in what? What does the Rebbeinu Shalom want? Even if it means that his own death will come faster. If the Rebbeinu Shlom tells me to go wage war against Midyan, and I know that at the end of the war I'm going to die, what are most of us going to do? Let's take this war slowly. Let's send out scouts. Let's make sure everybody has everything in order. Why? Because even if you're doing it subconsciously, you're doing it because you want to live a little bit longer. Moshe Rabbeinu was totally butled to the Rebbeinu Shlom. What does the Rebbeinu Shlom want from me in this moment? Even if it means I'm going to die a little bit faster, he says I'm here for the Rebbeinu Shlom.

16:46 I'm living life for the Rebbeinu Shlom. This was the pshat and the people's reluctance. They said I'm not emotionally ready to lose Moshe Rabbeinu. Who's that about, Rabbi Yisrael? That's about themselves. Of course, nobody wants to lose their Rebbe. But to live for the Rebbeinu Shalom, to fight for the Rebbeinu Shalom means whatever consequences there are, I live with that. Twelve thousand soldiers were reluctant to fight. All the Shvatim except for one. There's one shavet that's not counted, not because they didn't go to war. There was one shavet that wasn't counted, the ultimate selfless shavet, which was shavet Levi. Shavet Levi was the ultimate selfless shavet. You know why? Did they participate in the chet ha'egel? Because if that's not what the Rebbeinu Sholom wants from me, that's not what I'm participating in. Who was the only shavet that kept bris mila in the desert?

17:46 Can you imagine having a bris mila in the desert? Levi kept Rizmila in the desert. It's not my life. What does the Rebbeinu Shem want from me? It's difficult. It's painful. But I rise to the occasion because my life belongs to Hashem. So they didn't have to be given over. They fought in the war. Every shevet sent a thousand, but they didn't need to be counted. Rabbi Yisai, we're on the verge of the nine days. Shabbos is already Rosh Chodesh. We're on the verge of the nine days. We must ask ourselves a question. At the root of sinas chinam What is there? Everybody makes this mistake. They say we have to work on our ahava chinam. We have to have baseless love. If baseless hatred destroyed the base of Mikdash, then baseless love will rebuild the base of Mikdash. And of course, that's true. But they fail to ask an even deeper question.

18:46 Where does baseless hatred come from? Where does sinas chinam come from? It comes from selfishness. It comes from selfishness. R' Shlomo Freifeld, zechutz yadish, the founding Rosh Yeshiva of Shaiyoshev When he met the Chazon Ish, he had a diary. And he wrote in the diary after he met the Chazon Ish, he said a gadol is a circle. The larger the gadol, the more people he encompasses in his circle. The more humble you are, the more you recognize that the Rebbeinu Shlom's life. When somebody comes to you, you say Of course, come. They're different. So what? They're not going to diminish me. You think you're going to fall apart from being with a Jew who's not like you? This is the world today. The world that everyone's terrified. But what if Chassvah Shalom, two Yidden that are not alike are sitting in the same room? You know what's going to happen?

19:35 Good things. Good things happen when two Jews sit in a room together. Good things happen. We don't have to be so scared. We're living in a world that's very scared. Rabbi, I'm going to tell you something personal. I was expelled from school in fifth grade. I went to a yeshiva called Haftar. It's the Hebrew Academy of Five Towns in Rockaway. And then I went to a yeshiva called Darche. For those of you that just shook your head and smiled, that means you know that Haftar and Darche are what do we say, Mr. Herman? Not exactly alike. In some ways, they represent multiple sides of the spectrum in the yeshivah. It's very rare to go from a coed school to a black hat yeshiva. Very rare. And I went, and I want to tell you something. Back in the day, nobody was afraid. Other abba, they were very happy to get a kid like me. They were going to be makarav me. I was a kirav case. What will happen if Berg will be mashpia on the other kids?

20:34 I'll tell you the truth. I was mashpia on the other kids. There were certain Gemaras that those yeshivish kids didn't understand. I understood those Gemaras. I explained them to the kids. My chavrusa in eighth grade was a very chashuv Rav's son. I taught him those Gemaras. He didn't know. I could promise you this, Rabbi Yisai. I wouldn't be here talking to you today if it wasn't for the impact that those families and those boys and those rabbis had on me. Don't be afraid. Don't ever live in fear. Don't think you're going to be diminished. You're not going to be diminished. Any time you set out to help another Jew, you're not going to be diminished. Other Abba, it's going to enhance your life. It's going to make you a better Eved Hashem. When I was growing up, the Shmuzon that I heard from Rabbi Bender, my Rosh Yeshiva, always said the same thing. Rabbi says, "I learn with a guy who's weaker than you."

21:26 Learn with a guy who's weaker than you. You'll see. You'll gain from it. You'll gain tremendously from it. And he was right. If you learn with a guy who was weaker than you, first of all, you had to know it well. You had to really explain something clearly. I want to tell you You learn with a guy who's weaker than you, you'll be a mensh. You'll be a mensh, you'll be a balchesed, you'll be a better husband, you'll be a better father. Today we tell people Taka, he's not the right level for you, so maybe you should dump him. Whatever happened to? Maybe we could talk about it, and maybe it won't be my morning seder havrusa. But I'll learn with him a different time. Whatever happened to placing chesed first? Whatever happened to placing chesed first? We lost a little bit of that. We lost a little bit of that. Chesed has become a little bit like a checklist. I go to a certain school. I have to have my chesed hours.

22:18 So chesed hours. There's two ways of doing chesed hours. One way is I find somebody who's just going to sign off that I did my chesed hours without actually doing my chesed hours. How many people did that? Yeah. And there's people that I do a sh'tikol chesed and I'll make it whatever chesed I could do just to be able to. Then there are people that mamish become bale chesed. They mamish become bale chesed. It's an unbelievable thing. Changes you as a person. You give to somebody else. You become alive. Baruch Hashem, I had the opportunity to give to somebody. The life of Moshe Rabbeinu is selfless. The life of a yid is selfless. That's the way it's meant to be. We're supposed to act like the Rebbeinu Shalom. The Rebbeinu Shalom is selfless. He creates us. He does chesed. We have to do chesed for others. You'll say, "But Rebbe, I'm an NCSY kolah. What am I going to do chesed? I'm not spending my summer in Hask. I'm not spending my summer in Camp Simcha. What am I going to do chesed?" If you're paying attention, Chesed is everywhere around you.

23:19 My Rosh Yeshiva zeichut tzadik of racher of abba brown spiegel. My Rosh Yeshiva. He used to say all the time, 'Say good morning to each other.' You say good morning to somebody, it lights them up. You say good morning, somebody was machshav me. Somebody recognizes me that I'm alive. Say good morning. You'll say, but it's so hard to say good morning every morning. So Abba Spiegel used to say, 'I'll give you a piece of advice. Mean it.' If you mean it, it's geschmack. Wish someone. I hope you have a great morning. Mean it. Greet somebody. But safer panim yaflo. Smile. You know what it means to smile at another. You smile at a yid. Try it. Next time you're with somebody, don't be weird about it. Don't be like. I learned something from Berg by Mishmar. But if you see a guy in the morning, go hey, good morning. How are you? Smile. Watch. Smile back.

24:12 A smile lifts a person up. Rofrifeeld said there was a minig in Klal Yisrael that if somebody wishes you a good morning, you wish him back a good year, that he should have a good year. Rofrifeeld said, what type of minig is that? Somebody wishes you a good morning, and because of that they get an entire good year. He said, you know why? Because you say somebody good morning, you lifted him up, you gave him like a feeling of somebody cares about me. Chesed is everywhere if you're paying attention. There's guys in Kotel that are struggling. There are guys here sitting on the side who don't have so many friends. There are guys in the Cheder Ocha who don't have so many friends around them. You're too cool to sit next to that guy. You're too cool to say, "Hey, what's going on? How's your day?" None of us are that cool. Every one of us has the opportunity to reach out and lift somebody else up. That's what it means to be a Yid. That's the last thing that Moshe Rabbeinu does in his life. The last mission requires total selflessness. Rabbi said, 'It's a beautiful thing to spend your summer learning. It's unbelievable. It's 11:20 at night.'

25:14 We're going to stop now and go have some cholent. It's 11:20 at night. You guys are sitting in basic medrash learning. That's unbelievable. I don't want to chas shalom take away from your learning, even at Kiyuza. But if it's not Torah's Chesed, then it's fundamentally lacking. Barchinu avinu kulano ke'echad. Bracha only comes when we're in a state of Achdus. Achdus only comes when we're in a state of Chesed. Your life is miserable. You're empowered. Your Rebbeinu Shlom gave you a life. Go do something great with it. Go give to somebody else. Rabbi says, "I have a beautiful Shabbos."