Lag Ba'omer & The Scent Of Torah - A Woman's Calling in Torah (Rav Aryeh Cohen and Rav Burg) Pt. 2

1:45 The Torah Shpous is birthed from Lag Ba'omer. It's nurtured from Lag Ba'omer. There's a point of essence where everything flows from. There's a redemptive element that's happening in the world today and it's a good thing that's happening. There's a redemptive element that we're no longer satisfied with just the Chitzanias. It's this revolution that's happening if you're paying attention and I think people are. It's happening on a global level. It started, of course, as it always does with the kids. The kids inspire the adults in so many ways. The kids rebelled in a very holy way and they said we're not going to do this anymore. And it required Rebbeim to rethink the way that we teach. It required Shul rabbis to rethink the way that they spoke from the pulpit. There was a time in our lives when we were growing up, it was a normal thing for a rabbi to get up and give a political discourse on what was happening in America in front of the Aaron Kodesh.

2:49 And because of this revolution, we were no longer satisfied with our Abunim being that way. We wanted somebody to talk to us about real things and about Hashem. And so new Rabunim came into the world and they taught a generation of educators that are now educating you. Yiddish Kite is not a utility. It's not a checklist. It's a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And that relationship has to have the pneemias. If it doesn't have the pneemias, so then what are we doing? Just because you're a good boy or a good girl who could do the right things in high school and get into the right seminary and then go to the right place. And then go to the right place afterwards and get the right degree in whatever therapy that is. Each one has their own therapy that they... I met a girl, this Shabbos, that didn't say therapy. I was in a spa for her. I was like, wow, what a creative soul.

4:19 Every other person that I met was an occupational therapist, a physical therapist, an aqua therapist, which is really a lifeguard. A horse therapist, it used to be we went horseback riding in West Hempstead. I didn't know that there was a therapy for it. And that poor horse, imagine that horse going to therapy saying all day long I have to hold these people's problems. So somebody's able to do the right thing. Somebody's able to say I did the right thing. And that's considered somehow a success, as if the person who's struggling and who's searching for something deeper is not equally or perhaps more of a success. It's a distorted way of thinking and Baruch Hashem a lot has changed and Ba'ashasham it will continue to change This movement of not of doing and achieving but of being and becoming It's not only in our community, it's not only here in Woodmere and in Eretz Yisrael and Yisrael Eretz Yisrael It's in the entire world. If you look at the world today, the world is changing And they're asking themselves, like, what is the value of this ambition that we have?

5:32 And it's true that on the one hand we see that people are building bigger things and fancier things and there seems to be this incredible expression of chitzanias in the world. But there's also like a snapback that's occurring because all these people that are building these monstrosities all seem to be very empty and are coming and searching and saying, what's it all for? What are we looking for? What are we moving towards? There's this movement on the part of their children. I was sitting with someone today, Mamsh today, and he told me that this son that I had, he's the one that took the most unique path. I don't want to give away too many details, but I can say he didn't go to Yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael. And then when he didn't go to Yeshiva, he did go to some sort of program in Eretz Yisrael and then from that program he went to one Yeshiva and that Yeshiva didn't work and he was only there for a couple months and then he went to a different Yeshiva and Lomai She's sitting and learning in Beitar now.

6:19 And he's been sitting and learning in Beitar for the last three and a half years and I Taz Hashem and I'll finish with this. My bracha to everybody is to continue doing what you're doing which is working. And it's changing the community and it's changing our families. And we look around, the revolution has not only already been successful, the tidal wave of this revolution has already hit its peak and is now coming crashing down. And it's a beautiful thing to see. And we owe you so much, Akar Satorf. The fact that at 11, almost 11.20 at night on the Matzeh Shabbos, we have a room full of people that are saying, We want more, we're not satisfied, we want to understand our role, we want to understand our place. Your place is to give the essence of all things to the world. And if you're married to a man who expresses himself in the revealed way, Then it's your job to give over the messorah not necessarily of the rules of the relationship but of the essence of the relationship.

7:52 So you know when you marry a woman you don't know what you're getting. Even though I knew my wife many years before we got married, which I'm not allowed to say publicly but I somehow do anyway. You don't really know what you're getting. You don't know what it's going to look like. I want to share with you something in my house that I think my children will be talking about in 30, 40 years from now. Every Air of Shabbos. I enjoy this. My favorite part. Every Air of Shabbos. Now can I know her? Only two kids left that are small. I have an eight year old, though she's very machba that I say almost nine. She's eight and three quarters now. I'm forty two and three quarters now. So we can stop counting at a certain point. So I have an eight year old and a six year old. And there's a little nigan that my wife sings with them before candle lighting.

8:43 It starts off with a little cheer, it's like a little color war cheer. She goes, are we ready? And they go, yes we are. And she did it with all the kids growing up. She goes, are we ready? And they go, yes we are. She goes, for what? And they go, for Neros. And they sit there and they watch my wife lie. And it takes quite some time. And they're waiting. They're waiting to get their Shabbos treat. They're waiting to go next door to the rich family where they hang out every Friday night. And those of you that know the riches, I share a wall with the riches. And Rav Rafi lives right across the street. So there's a little hevra of all these children that have been growing up together. This like Seminary Yeshiva bubble type thing. Mrs. Yudin is one black up, so her kids are up the stairs.

9:30 I wonder if in 30 years from now I wonder if my children will not be telling the story of Are We Ready? That there was an Avirah in the home around Neiros of watching a mother who sat in Davind for her children every single week. It could be that at the Shabbos table Al Sayyad Vartora and maybe there will be some level of sophistication to it but I promise And I promise you this, if my children, Bess Hashem, come out and so far seems okay, so far I have one daughter who is married and she is from, I have another daughter who is too from. And Bess Hashem will have her own journey though, it seems to be that I am the kaifur Madan Reddyadak's father, but perhaps group therapy will happen at a different time. But if my children end up being anything, I promise you this, it won't necessarily be because of the sophistication of the Torah that I said at the Shabbos table, but it'll be because there was a mother who made their house a fun place where there was Yerushamayim and Rukneis and the Pneemius of Shabbos.

10:40 If my children ask me what the halacha of Shabbos is, perhaps I can tell them. But if my children want to know what the majesty of Shabbos is, that I think is something they'll certainly have learned from their mother. And my brachah to you is that you do that for your children, to give over the pinnemius of Yiddishkeit in such a way that we can communicate it to the next generation. So I think we have a couple of questions. Who's your moderating? What a wonderful thing. Okay, so there's a I think just a couple of questions that we'll try to answer. You know what? Emmis. So those topics, I'm glad that we're going to say the same thing. Vakasham, t'al t'a should be. T'a should be. So let's start with the first one. This question says, can you still do complete teshuva if you have never and hopefully will never be put in the same or similar situation of a particular emirah again?

11:53 How do you overcome the guilt, shame, regret that you still feel that because you will never be in that situation again, you feel like there's something still lacking in your full teshuva? And what are the actual practical steps in overcoming not just the regret, but the shame in a particular indebriah, and finally letting go particularly when you will likely never feel that sense of doing complete teshuvah? I can read that again. We got it, we got it. I think, yeah, I think I'm just... I'm sure if Cohen will say something more profound, so I'll just say something very quickly.

13:33 You are being presented with that situation again, albeit with different external trappings. So first of all, I would say that Ani Mamim b'amunashlema, when the Rambam says we have the opportunity to do complete teshuva, that we'll have the opportunity to do complete teshuva, and it's our responsibility to pay attention that this new thing that came up is really the old thing. It's a new thing, it's an old thing. Ait...back then it was in this relationship, now it's in this relationship. Back then it was in...in Lawrence, in Woodmere, and now it's in Be'chamesh, or Yersh'alayim. But it's...it's also, Aisai Makam, Aisai Zaman. It's just wearing different clothing. In terms of the shame, I just want to say this, I think it's been said many times before, and I can just say it very quickly. Shame...shame on the one hand is getting a bad rap today, and that's not a good thing.

14:24 On the other hand, shame is also exceptionally destructive today, perhaps now more than ever. The opportunity Rav Cohen set up that now somebody who I hope to become a Chavar with, this fellow Menachem Poznanski who you sent my way. So he spoke recently on the idea of shame being something that helps a person move forward. That when we are uncomfortable with something that's happening inside of us, that's a good thing. That tells us that we might be betraying our highest values, that this might not be the greatest expression of self, and that that uncomfortable feeling is okay. Today there's this feeling, I can't deal with anything uncomfortable. It's not true. We are exceptionally resilient, we're exceptionally big, we can deal with uncomfortable feelings. And so if you're doing something and you feel like, wow, this is not great, so then good. That's a good thing. It's an inner communication.

15:25 But as Rebbe Nachman and Brene Brown has taught us, what most of us are doing is associating our actions with our inner self. And we're saying, I am that bad thing that I did. And so there's a toxic shame that exists in the world today which is I am unworthy of love and connection because of this Avera that I did. And that is of course destroying people. It's destroying people of all ages. It's destroying the elderly. It's destroying middle-aged people. It's certainly destroying kids. This notion has forced Rebbeim and teachers to rethink the way we speak about halacha. Halaqah

17:08 He ate Burger King. He once ate Burger King. So he said, I'll never be able to go into Chanaq cause he ate Burger King. And my Rebbeim never did an Aveira, let alone eat Burger King. And I wanted to share with him, I know your Rebbeim and I remember when one of your Rebbeim went to McDonald's. Which I think from what I understand tastes more delicious than Burger King. I've never had either. But there was a sense that my father used to tell me White Castle is better than all of them. But the... There's a sense today that I'm a terrible person because I did an Avera. And that of course is not true. It's for sure Mevor and the Ramban. There's many many rais to this. And it's spoken out clearly in the Rav Ein Yona and Shari Teshuva. That Teshuva is a process. That incomplete Teshuva is also a very partial, meaningful Teshuva. And that Antola person has had the opportunity to complete Teshuva there by Derech. And that Derech towards Teshuva is a very meaningful thing.

18:05 To whoever the questioner was, I just want to share with you that number one, in time you'll have your opportunity to complete Shuva, and number two, until you have your opportunity to complete Shuva, you're on the path towards Shuva, which is not nothing. And number three, stop it. Don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. You're already beautiful. You're already wonderful. The imperfection is already giving birth to exceptional light. The fact that you ask the question is a simon of how much Shuva has already happened. Please treat yourself kindly and gently and with compassion as you go through this process. You have unconditional love for each child. And children mess up, children make mistakes. Parents make mistakes. And there's such deep ava, such deep love, that a child makes a mistake. They're the quickest people in this world that you forgive and forget, with the moments like it never even happened.

19:30 Because there's such deep love, ava shana t'holi b'edover. And that's a father to a child, a mother to a child, a child to a parent the same way. You all know your parents have also made mistakes. I've made many mistakes in my life to my children. And I know the such avah that's so deep, that it's so quickly forgiven, forgotten. And therefore we have to believe and know the avishthir loves us. The avishthir's avinushibashama'imiz our tat'in ha'mel. He's not just a melach and a dai and he's our father. He loves each And Yes, we mess up. And yes, it's important. We're Baishadim and it's important to use shame in a proper way to grow. But that's it. And then drop it. When it's unhealthy, it means we're not believing that. Because we truly believe Hashem loved us so much. So he's forgiven and forgotten. He's moved on. Hashem loves you. Hashem loves you more than we could ever understand what love is. It's over. Finished.

20:34 That's number one, although that's the most important thing in the world. If we just came together for that tonight, it's I think well worth the whole evening to just remember that because we forget that at times, we all do. As far as the Ramban, just Elbir Elbir Nirmalchaim explaining the two other ways that maybe Mafarshim explained the Ramban. The first of all, the Dreshasuran explains like this. Within the Ramban he explains that the Ramban when he talks about Chuvu Gomurah Shabbat Gomura is not necessarily talking about reaching a level of Chuvva. You're talking about levels of Chuvva and you don't need Chuvva Gomura to have complete forgiveness from what was done wrong. When he talks about Chuvva Gomura, if you address it's Iran, it's an understanding of we have two elements of Chuvva. There's Chuvva to get rid of the Vayra as if it's never happened before and that one can do without that level of Chuvva Gomura being in the exact same circumstance.

21:28 You don't need to be in that. You moved on. You felt bad. You regret it. You haven't done it. Azivaz achit Teshuva in every level as if it never happened. Wiped away. Teshuva Gemuurah is a level of also the Teshuva that's a mitzvah of gaining also positive credits. Most often we don't have shame from not having a positive credit. We have a lot of mitzvahs we can do. So you didn't do that extra level of mitzvah necessarily perhaps. It doesn't mean you can't completely wipe away the Vayra without that. Very important to know. B'halacha. Completely. And there's also another understanding in the Ram, even though the Ramam says it's specific and you have to be and I believe Laura Berg said it's Qaydish Qadash and that we don't always understand the situations we're in and that's for sure true. But even if not, one can reach a level where you've reached a level where you've moved on from what you've done And that if you would have been put in that situation, you wouldn't do it again.

22:28 You've modeled it, you've lived it, and the A of A of A, we might not know that and be able to prove it. The Ribono Shel Olam does. And therefore that's also Chuvu Gomurah like the Ramam said. Before I should explain this in the Ramam, that's also a level of Chuvu Gomurah. I've left it and I'm on that level already. But I'll say one more thing. And that is, stop playing God. Stop, we don't play the Ribono Shel Olam. Like I started, Ribono Shel Olam loves us. We have no idea, we have Baruch Shem and we have great tzadikim that we follow and we learn from and how to do Teshuva and out. But ultimately stop playing God. The only one that judges and understands is the Rebonashom. And trust me, you move on and you're the best person you could be, you're going to be in all the palaces in Shamayim. The Rebonashom is having such nachasurruach.

23:15 We don't have to play God of every intricate detail and did I do check and we get so sometimes caught up in those details. Who are we to know? Khashbakal Judge, everybody, chanaichlan arpitakkah as they are in their way, in their mud. Just be the best we could be. Just be the best we could be in every way. And we're good to go. I feel that I've done all the Shabbos to do for reading. I've been dialing but I feel that my skills are not being answered. I often have lost blood now because I feel that if they were really powerful then they would be working. I'm sure many other people are feeling that way. I didn't even punch through and keep dialing and working on our skills during the challenge and what else was there to do. Mr. Guf The hard questions I get to answer first.

24:13 You know, first of all, first of all, I feel for you. I feel for all of you. We're sitting here, we're married. The tukufa of dating is a hard tukufa. My heart goes out to that time in one's life. The time of confusion and the time of yearning and the time of when you feel you could be Shaddukim And I'm still single. And I've done everything I'm supposed to be doing. And that's hard. That's hard. That's not easy. So first of all, my heart goes out because it's hard. It is hard. Stop there. It's hard. That being said, we gotta be machazek haremunah. The machazek haremunah that Hashem is by our side. Hashem knows what's best for us. Chol Madav Rachanol Latavavvid Hashem knows the proper time. Maybe he's not ready yet. You think you're ready. Maybe he's not ready yet.

25:48 Maybe that person's perfect for you, is still working and perfecting himself, and he's stuck in something, and he's not ready yet. And embrace this time right now. And maybe you're not ready yet. You think you're ready, but maybe you're not ready. Maybe there's more that you have to perfect within yourself as an individual before you can compliment yourself with somebody else by your side. Embrace that time. It's important to embrace that time. There's different kufos in our life. Every time is very beautiful and wonderful. Of course we want that menukhaz nafesh to know because it's so scary and we know of all the singles and all that and I feel for that. It's real. But at the same time, if I'm not yet, that means there's more for me to work on as an individual and embrace that and be productive in that and live that and love that. There's a lot one could do as an individual as a single person that you can't do when Vahalishtin yeritzitz vahalishtin yeritzitz vahalishtin yeritzitz The world runs on tefillah, we see this from the Shashish May Barishas, Rashi at the beginning of the Barishas tells us this when it comes to the vegetation of the world, Ayn Shom.

27:10 The world runs on tefillah, Nachos Baruch is waiting for our tefillas. And it could be weird davening very seriously with a lot of kavana. Maybe it's just not enough yet, and don't stop. Just because it hasn't been answered, don't stop davening. Don't stop davening. Believe in the koechot'fila. Don't stop. Who knows when it's going to be that right time. Moshe Rabbeinu also wanted something, you wanted to enter into spall. And he davened him, he davened him, he davened him, he davened him very famously. How many teles? Everyone clever knows. Five hundred fifteen teles, right? V'eschannon, gomat yeveschannon, gomat yeveschila, gomat yeveschira. He davened him, Hashem said, Althosos, don't continue. You know why I said Althosos? He wasn't meant, that wasn't meant for him. Bezze Shem, Bezze Shem, I'm a chaiyana, Gogibrechles is my power sham or you know. Every one of you, every one of you is going to be zayecha to a beautiful shittah.

27:56 Every one of you, the most incredible shittah and you understand then why you have to wait a little bit for this person because it's more worth it. But Moshe Rebbe and it wasn't supposed to go in, but Tvila works so strongly, Hashem has to sell him al-toys of the Dabere light. Don't continue. Because if he would have continued that would have been the next field he would have gotten in. And if he would have gotten in, if Shammah explains he would have been in Eretz Yisrael, he would have built a base on Mignish that couldn't be destroyed and we would have been destroyed. It was all men Hashem, they would call Madr Gomadar Gomadab, Shabbatah stopped Davening, but he doesn't tell us to stop Davening. Don't stop davening. Don't stop davening. And it's gonna come a time. It's gonna come a time. Your feel is you just don't stop davening. Don't stop with emunah. Don't stop being productive at this point in your life. You'll see the Simcha Zarm B'edimah B'Rinik Sarob has Hashem is Baruch. Hashem B'chara Mamash.

28:47 Baruch Hashem we live in a community that prioritizes family. And in the world today, family is becoming less and less important. This beautiful mixture of communities but one family coming together but I saw the ghaduim in this little girl's eyes that one day I'm going to be a kalu.

30:19 It's like in Ramabey Chamesh, Purim girls can dress up for Purim as anything they want to so they all dress up as kalus. It's like every little girl is a kalu. So of course when it comes time and especially because some people have made their living Leaving that pain or listening to that pain, I would strongly encourage you to listen to that pain because there is an exceptional amount of beauty that exists in that pain and if you can be okay, which is a hard thing to do, to pay attention to the pain and what it's saying, the messages that are in that pain are stunning. The messages are I have Gaguim to raise a family, I go in to share myself with another, to give all of myself to another, to express myself in that way, to create that level of belonging, not just connection, but belonging.

31:43 And there's so much beauty in that desire. And if you run away from that pain, and you live in that space of fear, that's a deeply unattractive place to be. Attraction happens within ourselves. People who live in a space of fear are very unattractive. Tefillah is a very beautiful type of hope. And it means that the next day that you go on, you're showing up present. You're showing up available because you've really worked through those feelings. And Tefillah can be a wonderful way to express that pain. Coming to Hakadosh Baruch Hu with a sense of anger, of frustration, and saying, this is really hard, and I'm really lonely. And I'm watching my friends move on and they're moving on sometimes in such a way

33:00 The way that feels like I'm left behind by myself and coming to the Rebbe Nachman and saying those really difficult things and allowing yourself to feel them physically and then listening to the beauty in that pain creates an opportunity to create real connection so that when you do meet the person that hases Hashem you'll spend the rest of your life with which will God willing be a healthy and enduring marriage. You can come to that relationship aware of what's going on inside of yourself. And isn't that something that you would want to bring into a relationship? How much you know everybody's waiting to get married until they get married. And then the next phone call that Rav Cohen and I get is, Whoa, this is really hard. And tell those girls that are single like, Hey, they don't run so fast of this. You know, it's not so simple living with these boys.

33:46 They're a very different species than you. And a boy called me up once and he said to me, and he's a sweetheart, he's like mamish, like a real tzaduk of a boy. He's like, Rebbe, living with girls is really hard. I was like, yeah. And he goes, no, no, Rebbe, like, she pays attention to everything. He's like, I've been living in dorms for years, nobody ever made a comment about anything that I did. I'm like, oh yeah, this whole section of the species is very aware of what's happening. And I want you to know that most men are going through life and they have no idea what's going on around them. And sometimes you see like these wives are saying to their husbands, did you see what just happened? He's like, what just happened? It's a coming out of a dreamlike state. And the women don't understand. I ask them to pick up his socks.

34:37 Like, why can't he do that? Why is he constitutionally incapable of putting socks in a hamper? And the same husband was like, I'm not sure why she's upset at me. Like, did she tell you that she wants the satsen? I think she mentioned something like that. Like, he's B'chlam not aware of what's even going on. So we're getting that second phone call of like, the girls are all running like, Rebbe it's so hard. But then they get the next phone call, which is, it's also so hard. It's all hard. But if you'll be present within yourself, which I do think is a real abbaite sattvila, It opens up many pathways and when Rebbe is saying don't stop davening I don't think that he means only to be like in Shammai and Nachal Deshbarachu waiting for that next tfilah It's a tfilah something that shapes who we are and so yes of course your pain is valid of course it's understandable but it's also exceptionally beautiful and I hope that that you continue to grow from that pain

35:31 As someone who went to seminary and came back being inspired and adding it as she cried out, I found that I began real life in the working field and it seemed easy to fall into the traps and the Nars K and the goshmase of this crazy world. Sometimes I would even say that the Yisrael makes me feel comfortable and not want me to get out of it. Any advice on how to work through this? I'm following your lead. I'm good either way. I'm following your lead. And it's the Mysore, that Raviakov Kamenetsky and his wife... You're Ben Ertzerol. You make decisions. I think he's just saying that because he knows I'm jet-liked. The Mysore, that Raviakov Kamenetsky and his wife, that when they went to leave a chassna, so Raviakov said to his wife, when would the Rebbetzin like to leave? So she said, whenever the Rashi Shigoh wants to leave.

36:24 So Rav Yachos said, I want to leave whenever the Revitzen wants to leave. And they went back and forth like this many times until finally the Revitzen was like, how about in 20 minutes? And he was like, okay. I feel like I'll be Rav Yachos wife, you could be Rav Yachos. So when I went to seminary and I was inspired, first of all, I just want to say something. I've said it a number of times publicly, but I'm going to continue to say it. It's not a nice thing that I'm going to say, but I think it's true. And I'm going to say it until Ba'az Tesham something changes. And I think that Rebbe and I know, I don't know if he agrees, but I think he agrees. Because I see him living it. We have not done enough for you girls as a community.

37:09 I don't think we've even done close to enough. The boy comes back from Yeshiva and he comes back to America and there is a tremendous amount of infrastructure for his continued growth. He can continue on to Yeshiva and Fabrengans and Tishes and basketball and Rebbeim Mashpiyim and Mashkichim and there's a tremendous amount of opportunity and I don't think we've done enough and I'm sorry and I know that it's wrong and it's not fair. And yes, it's true that people have different roles but at La'Ani'estayti we haven't done enough. And if you're feeling like I was on a high in seminary, it's because in seminary you are getting the investment that frankly you deserve and that you need. When you come back to America and you don't have that infrastructure and you're feeling this way, it makes sense. If a Person Wants to Eat Healthy, They Should Go Out to the Store and They Should Put Lettuce or Kale or Whatever.

38:06 I don't try to eat this food. But it seems to me that green, I like to eat brown meat. But it seems that green will do better things for you. That's our wives again telling us that. Yeah, my wives are very healthy, like a swimmer. So I'm the yin yang in this marriage. I'm trying to balance that in my... I don't eat the food that my food eats. That's my policy. So the... I think if you're frustrated and you're not feeling inspired, I think that makes sense. I think that makes sense. I don't know if it should be exactly like the boys or what type of infrastructure it should be. But it's certainly true that girls are coming unmasked to Shurim like this and there's a reason. It's because there's a tamal chanafshi that's occurring and people are thirsting for something more and we haven't provided it.

38:56 Having said that, I feel badly that this is the situation that we're in, but the only thing I can share with you is that eventually this happens to everybody. We don't get to stay in the bubble of yeshivas and seminaries our entire life. And there is a gravitational pull that life has. And to the degree that we make investments in ourself, those investments will pay off. And so Barch Hashem, though it's not formalized, there are a lot of opportunities for growth. There are a ton of shirim online and you're going to have to do this for yourselves until somebody does it for you, until somebody comes and does it right. But until such time, it's your responsibility to make khaburahs amongst yourself, To get connected with people, with families of girls that have gone through the seminary system and are a little bit older and to make those types of chavruses quote unquote and to invest in yourself I want you to know that I've said to the boys very publicly that I think that a man's Torah is very important and it's important for the boys to know that their wife's Torah is also very important and it's a balance and it's a balancing act and it's not simple And Baruch Hashem is a Chaburah of women in Be-Chemesh and their husbands stay home once a week and these women have shiurim at night

40:14 And it's a beautiful thing that these husbands are saying, this night I'll learn on the phone, but Chavrousa so that my wife can go out It's not fair to raise a girl in the educational system that we have today, I'm sorry I'm ranting It's not fair to raise a girl in the educational system that we have today Where girls Baruch Hashem are intelligent and we're giving them an intelligent channoch And then at 19 years old we go, I'm sorry, no more learning for you. And somehow the inspiration that was born of all of those years of serious learning is pulled out from under the rug and we say, and now go and do it as if it's nothing. My wife is a real learner. She really is. She prepares shirim. She's like a Rosh Yeshiva. She sits there with tons of sparim. And she's sitting and preparing a shirim, and she's thinking deeply about things. And if she's inspired us because she's continued to invest in herself, that's a very hard thing to do in real life when we have other responsibilities.

41:00 And so yes, the husbands today must make sure that their wives are getting the opportunities that they need. And the same goes for you. The same goes for you. I know we didn't do a good enough job. Chathase Avisi Pashati, I'm part of the problem. I can't move back to America and solve this problem, but because my wife is there. And but there's part of Conan's here, so it's your problem. But the but he can't leave DRS because he's fulfilling a critical mission there. But yes, somebody needs to step up. I'm asking you girls to think creatively right now to say which one of you is going to solve this problem. Which one of you is going to step up and say let's do something together to create at least some more infrastructure than we have to solve this problem. We're trying, first of all. We're trying a little bit. It's a little bit of what we do here. Meaning a little bit of what we do here is trying. I mean, I wish I could do more. It's true.

41:53 I know this is not what Rav Burg meant at all on a personal level, but I take it hard. No, no, MS. MS and you know, you know we're trying. It's one of the other reasons I mean it from the bottom of my heart, dedicated to this shiur that we have that started many years ago by Nachman Tzukanios and trying to always make it happen. Chavit Ba' find something that really talks to you, that really inspires you and dedicate yourself to be Koveit Matorah

43:23 Meaning, Umar and Shabbos have lamb as it says is a chamevah in one of the first questions that we're going to be asking. Last time I checked it doesn't differentiate between men or women. It says Kovati Yit Matorah. Now the mount might be different. Maybe. But Kovati Yit Matorah, did you set aside permanent time to learning Torah? Do each and every one of us here have some time every day that we learn for a few Kadushah don't feel inspired don't feel. And through those years, you know, those years of seminary, they do wonders for us, but they also destroy something. And where we feel like Kadushah only means that I'm standing by the Kaisel Davening, the Hilo Yom Kippur. And Kadushah only means that I can sit on the entire all day long without any other responsibilities. A few weeks ago it was Pesach and first day Cholamoyed.

44:39 I went with my family, with my kids. We went to a Mets game, to City Field. Not a Mets fan, but it was a day game. That's what you do, Cholomaid, you know, you go to my games. And we're there, and I was looking around, and it was obviously packed with yin and right? Packed with juice. And I'm looking around, and I'm there, you know, wearing a Beccesha, and I look around, and almost everybody there is Imbig Deyantev, Cholomaid, that's what you're supposed to be doing. And everybody's there with their, like, you know, potato chips and apple juice box drinks, And maybe someone made a cream cheese matzah sandwich, you know? That's kedushah. That's kedushah, because next to me the guy is eating a hotdog on a bun in his baseball cap and Mets jersey. And what I mean by that is that kedushah holiness is not just found in a beis medrash and in a base knessas and in Eretz Yisrael. And we always need those check-ins and that's all very kadosh and important, but we just had, you know, Kaddish atmukh baba mutterlach Lass viktayi shim teo Kaddish atmukh baba mutterlach Means that we can elevate everything and find kaddushah within it and we have to recalibrate ourselves to recognize that my vod in life is kaddush and all that I do and everything.

45:58 We make brachos every time we eat. You know what that is? Now don't just do it quickly, robotically, mechanically. That means I'm elevating when I'm about to get close to God, the field God in my life. There's a way I'm supposed to put on my shoes in the morning. Does God really How Aryeh Cohen puts on his shoes. You think God really cares that I put on my right shoe, my left shoe, my time, my left. Does God really care? Really? Nobody helps me so that I can feel godliness when I put on my shoes in the morning. That's washem that's kadosh. It's a very famous story by the Mitt Lureba. It's one of my favorite stories, you know. The Mitt Lureba was the second Chabad Rebbe. And he lived on top of the balatanya of the Shri Zama of Liadi, top of his father.

46:52 And the balatanya was sitting in his house and he hears his grandchild crying. But it just continues and continues and continues. It doesn't stop. It's a baby crying and his heart's going out like what's going on upstairs. He opens the door and hears his grandchild crying from his room. He passes by his son and takes his grandchild out of the crib. He is soothing him and holding him. He comes back to the room and looks at his son and says, didn't you hear the baby crying? Why didn't you go help him? He says, I was so absorbed and grossed in my learning. I didn't even hear him. About time you gave him such a musk, he says, that tire is nothing. Shabbat Boruch Lola m saw t And then I'm going to be cooking and cleaning and the Chavesnesh all the all khadosh. We have to think like that.

48:11 When we think like that life is inspiring. Because I realize I'm with the Rebbon Shem every single minute of my life. So yes, of course we should continue getting inspiration from she Urim that we can go to and find them and the Torah and all that and our Dabbin and and our Tzurol and all that's real and we have to go as often as we can there to Tzurol or the Tzuros to sit next. Just to sit next to the Nafshi Avir D'Ahra to feel that for a few moments. Kina Sifram. We're here for whatever reason we should be here, but we can't leave it be Miserach every single moment and you got to go so upsetting guys there's a night but Recently I was somewhere and I saw an old friend and we're talking and he opened up to me that he hasn't been in Eretz Yisrael in over three years and I'm I managed I wanted to like I I wanted to scream, we were in a public place so I didn't want to embarrass him.

49:04 But I wanted to scream and in my way I did hit him. I said, are you serious? And he said, Baruch Shabbos, well off, it's not money, it's not... Like, what do you mean? He said, it was COVID. I said, COVID ended years ago. I've been in Israel about eight times since they didn't let us into the country. And during COVID I cried every night that they didn't let us in. What are you talking about? Well, I'm gonna go soon because I said no, no, no, I need to know I can't see you again till you tell me that you're an Arzerol You need to tell me I have a ticket, what did you want? I said do you understand? I need to bend Torahs about your Shamayim, he's a wonderful person I do understand that your life will be so different if you've been visiting Arzerol Do you understand how that lifts you up? Do you understand you need that love of Kaddishah also? If we live here for whatever reason we all have a reason, I hope you have a reason, if you don't get out of here But if you have a reason, you have a reason, then hope is good, Ah, maybe that's what we're gonna have to answer those reasons because that's our homeland

49:55 But if you have a good reason, you have a good reason, but not to visit in this day and age, and not to get that, you don't have to say, you're not the same person if you don't get that visit. So there are those levels of kedushuva we need. We need our Yisrael kedushuva. We need Shabbos kedushuva. We need Davening. We need learning, but realize everything in between could also be kadush. And it's a different life. That's inspiring. That lifts us up. Yeah. I think Khatzos alayla, Akablah, you just lost.