Lag Ba’Omer - True Achdus

2:27 On that night a couple of years ago, it's still for us a day of sadness. But Be'etsem like Ba'omer is a day of simcha, and maybe it's appropriate that we're confronting the sadness, the tragedy of Meron, which we're all still living with. It's a day I'll never forget. Very, very, very dear, very close Talmud was in the pileup. He was pulled out in his life. He was saved. But his shoes were left behind. He had yellow shoes. There's a picture of many people who were pulled out by their shoes. There's a picture of the pile of shoes. And many of the shoes are black shoes. A lot of the people there were wearing Shabbos shoes. This particular Talmud was wearing yellow, yellow sneakers. So it was like a very

3:27 In a certain way, the word 'beautiful' is coming to mind, but it's not really beautiful. It's a fascinating picture of his yellow shoes in the pile of black shoes. And he's still living with the trauma of that day. Of course, I think we all are. So how do we put these things together? How do we put together the tragedy of what happened in Meiron, the simcha of Lag BaOmer? In general, it doesn't seem to be as man of simcha, and yet we celebrate it with tremendous simcha. So this Gemara—I think probably many of you have heard this Gemara before, but it's a good idea to repeat. In the aftermath of the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash, they started a yeshiva in Yavna. The yeshiva in Yavna was run by R' Magamlio.

4:24 Descendant of David HaMelech, and he ran the yeshiva in a very particular way. He ran the yeshiva in a very exacting way. There was a guard at the door, and only people that were tochol kebaru, only people that were truly authentic, that their insides and their outsides matched, only those people were allowed to come into the yeshiva. Why did Rebbe Gamliel do this? Because Rebbe Gamliel thought in a very beautiful way. That after the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash, we needed to have a type of Beis Hamikdash, a Beis Hamikdash of people. If we couldn't have the Kodesh Hakadoshim, so we would have the greatest tzaddikim. You can imagine such a yeshiva, the greatest tzaddikim sitting and learning in Yavne. Rav Gamliel felt this would be a tremendous inspiration for all of Klal Yisrael. You have to be careful when you say inspiration for the nation today. Yaakov Langer is going to come out of hiding and he's going to

5:21 He's going to charge me for the trademark use. Inspiration for Klal Yisrael. Everyone's going to see it. It's going to be amazing. It was a beautiful theory. R' Avraham Melia also understood the danger of any machleikus in Klal Yisrael, especially at that time, as Klal Yisrael is beginning this journey into exile that's going to last for thousands of years. And it's very clear that the Chachamim were aware that they were about to embark on a journey that was going to take them thousands of years. We all know that the seder in Bnei Brak, the Va'kiva of Elazar ben Azaria, that whole seder with the Chachamim was really a question that they had of how are we going to communicate to our Talmidim that they should be able to last and to thrive within Galus. That's why the climax of that story is when the Talmidim say Higiya Man Kriyas Moshe Shachris.

6:17 That the Talmidim themselves understood that they were going to be able to tell the story of Yitzias Mitzrayim even into the next day; that they were going to be able to greet Mashiach with this story. So it was very clear that they were aware that this journey of exile was going to take thousands of years. And R' Amliyahu said, 'There could be no machlokas. There's one leader. That's the way it is.' The Gemara tells us that R' Yosua, the great sage R' Yosua. Who was, of course, not as senior as R' Amliyoh, had several machlokesim with R' Amliyoh, and again, not chas v'shalom to disparage. We have to be so careful the way we speak about these tzaddikim. These are not small people. R' Amliyoh treated R' Yosheu quite harshly in an effort. Again, I just want to make sure we're absolutely clear. Not chas v'shalom in any way because he wasn't a tremendous balmidos, but in an effort to ensure the continued.

7:14 Halachic line of Klal Yisrael. He wanted to make sure there was no machlokas, and so he treated Rabbi Yisrael very harshly. There was one machlokas that they had. A Talmud doesn't matter. We're not going to get into the details. The details aren't important for right now. Of course, all the details are important, but for right now, the details aren't important. It was a Talmud who went to Rabbi Yisrael. He said, "Rabbi, how do we pasquin in such a case?" Rabbi Yisrael told him how we pasquin. That Talmud then went to a mengamliel and said, "How do we pasquin?"

7:45 Rabbi Gamliel said we passim differently. He said, "Oh, that's so interesting because Rabbi Yosheua passim differently." And it created a big machlekas. And Rabbi Gamliel called in Rabbi Yosheua, and he treated Rabbi Yosheua very harshly. And this was the beginning of a very fascinating tefufa in Klal Yisrael, where the chachamim got together, and they said, "We're going to depose Rabbi Gamliel as nasi." Now, let's take a moment to understand this. Rabbi Gamliel was not just the nasi of Klal Yisrael politically, he was in charge of the yeshiva. To be in charge of the yeshiva means, especially such a yeshiva, it means you're responsible for the continued education of Klal Yisrael. That's no small thing. To depose him as nasi means going to Ramleil and saying we no longer trust you to lead. That's a very big deal. But that's what they did. They appointed Rav Lazar Ben Azariah to become the rashi shiva, and he did, and he changed all the rules.

8:44 Rav Elazar ben Azariah took away the guard, and they added hundreds of benches—either 400 benches or 700 benches, depending on which side of the Gemara you go with. Hundreds of benches, tons of people came to the beis medrash on that day. They learned Maseches Uktzin, they pasken many, many halachas, and forever in Shas when it says on that day, it's referring to the day that Rav Gamliel was deposed as nasi, that Rav Elazar ben Azariah was made into the nasi of the yeshiva, and they learned tremendous halachas. Rabbi Amliel still came to the beis medrash. This was a machlokas l'shem Shamayim. So Rabbi Amliel came, but he was not accorded the same honor. They didn't necessarily pasquin like him just because he said this is what we do. And it became clear to Rabbi Amliel that he needed to apologize to Rabbi Yosua that he needed to make amends. He went to Rabbi Yosua's house. There's a whole story. We don't need to get into it. He noticed that the walls of Rabbi Yosua's house were black. He realized at that moment that Rabbi Yosua was a blacksmith.

9:41 He said, "I didn't realize you were a blacksmith." Or, Yeshua criticized Rabbi Gamliel, and he said, "You don't know where people are holding. You don't know what's going on in people's lives." He refused to forgive Rabbi Gamliel. Eventually, he does forgive Rabbi Gamliel, and they decide to reinstate Rabbi Gamliel as nasi, and he's going to split time between Rabbi Gamliel and Reuven Elazar ben Azaria. It's a fascinating Gemara. At the very, very end of the Gemara says something that's exceptionally strange. Something we would not expect. At the very end of the Gemara says, "Who was that Talmud that started it all? Who was the Talmud that went to Rebbe Amliel and said, 'Reb Yeshua Paskens differently than you'? Was none other than Reb Shim Baruchai." It's a surprise ending. But also, it seems to be a detail.

10:39 That's largely irrelevant to the story, but the way the Gemara says it, you forgive me for saying it. I don't mean to be mezazel. I'm literally here on an NCSY Shabbaton, so I shouldn't make fun. But you know how the end of every NCSY story is, and that girl was me. You know I'm talking about, and that boy was me. It's like the great reveal of every NCSY story. I was a messed up kid in high school, and then everyone in the audience is going, yeah, we know it's an NCSY thing. We know how these stories go. So this seems to be the crescendo, the climax of the story. This is the great reveal. We didn't even know what was going on. We didn't know the story was about Rashi. If we asked, if we were looking in Gemara, who would the story be about? The story was about Rav Yosua being embarrassed by Rami Gamliel. The story was about Rami Gamliel. The story is about Rav Elazar ben Azaria. You can even suggest that the story is about Rav Akiva, who's moving the pieces around to make sure that the right people are in place. The detail of the Talmud.

11:39 Is largely irrelevant. So why in the world is the Gemara making it seem like this great reveal at the end of the story? And who was the Talmud? The story wasn't about the Talmud, unless maybe it was, unless maybe we missed the point of the story. And really, this entire story was about this Talmud, which we wouldn't have expected. So how does this work? Is Gemara and brachos? Mustami, you've heard of this Gemara and Brachos before. If you haven't, it's a classic Gemara. The Gemara talks about overcoming your yitzhahar. A person has to fight with their yitzhahar. We're here to grow. We're here to challenge ourselves. We're here to live out our highest values, to be the people that we want to be. We're in a room full of authentic, growth-oriented people. You don't have to be here tonight. We're here tonight because we want more. Because we want to be the people that we know we have inside of ourselves.

12:33 So what happens if you're fighting a losing battle with the Eitz Ahara? The Gemara says the first thing to do is learn Taira. You learn Taira, you go to a Sheer, but you're still battling with your Eitz Ahara. The Gemara says say Kriyas Shema. A person says Kriyas Shema, Shema Yisrael, Hashem Alkinu, Hashem Echad. They are connecting themselves to the unity of all of things in this world. They are searching for the godliness even within their greatest moments of trials and tribulations. The Gemara says, if that doesn't work, there's a last resort. It's not the first resort; it's the last resort. The last resort is to think about your Yom HaMizra. I think every Rebbe who says this Gemara tells the story of Alfred Nobel. You know the story of Alfred Nobel? Alfred Nobel, of course, made the very good, the Nobel Peace Prize. Why did he do that? Not just the Nobel Peace Prize, the Nobel Prize. Why did he do that?

13:30 Because Alfred Nobel was the inventor of dynamite, dynamite was a very what's the word I'm looking for? It was not a very controllable substance, and so it often used to explode and kill people. And Alfred Nobel was thought to be in this dynamite plant that he had when the dynamite plant exploded, and everyone inside of it was killed. Alfred Nobel was away on vacation. He got the newspaper, and the newspaper had his obituary. Because they thought he was dead. Imagine reading your own obituary. News of my death has been greatly exaggerated. Pick up the newspaper and you see I'm in it, and I'm dead. So he's reading his own obituary and it's talking about who Alfred Nobel was, and it said that Alfred Nobel was responsible for the creation of dynamite, and thousands of people have died because of him.

14:22 And he did not want that to be his legacy, so he created the Nobel Prize, so that most people, when they hear the name Alfred Nobel today, go Nobel Prize. Very few people go dynamite, except for the rebbeim who teach everyone this story, so that everyone goes, oh yeah, the dynamite story. So now happens to be Kala Acharyat is known for the dynamite. Think about your yom ha'mitzvah. How do you want to be remembered? This the Gemara. So the balei chasidos ask if that's the most effective way of doing it. So then, why is that the last resort? Why is that the last resort? It works. If you have an atom bomb and you want to kill something, just drop the atom bomb. If a person isn't, you imagine it'd be like a very spiritual thing. I'll make up a case. Probably not relevant to anybody here. But imagine there was a boy that you didn't talk to in high school, and now that you're back from seminary, you have a tayva. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't.

15:17 By the way, for the thirty percent of you that just gave yourself away right now, I just want to say thank you very much for letting me know who you are. I have a maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. You find yourself, I, and then you think about your alma mima. How do I want to be remembered? It works. So why didn't you jump to it right away? Bar Chisda says as follows: Death is a dangerous thing. Yiddishkeit is a religion of ubachat da b'chayim. We don't spend time thinking about death. In fact, in Yiddishkeit, really, we don't even believe in death. We're a religion that believes in tchias hamesim, which means death is a temporary state. If it wasn't for the sin of Adam Harishon, nobody would have ever died to begin with. Death is a cosmic accident. All things have life, and a yid should be connected to life itself.

16:12 This is what Chazal mean. The Gemara in Tanya says Yaakov Avinu lo meis. What does it mean, Yaakov Avinu lo meis? Rashi says that it really means literally Yaakov Avinu didn't die, and that when the pasuk tells us that the Egyptians embalmed Yaakov Avinu, it was really all a fake, and Yaakov Avinu didn't die. But Alpi Hashkafa, what it means is that Yaakov Avinu was not a person who lived with death. There are people that live with death. Some people get a thrill. I don't know who's in the room, so it could be I'm going to insult somebody here. I don't mean to. Some people live with a thrill of death. Like you have guys in yeshiva. Some boys speak this way. They go, I would love to go skydiving. I'm not a person who would love to go skydiving, but I want to understand. So I ask these boys and go, help me understand what plummeting to the ground from thousands of feet in the air will do. So like it's a rush. You feel what's the word?

17:09 So alive. The brush with death makes a person feel alive. I won't say who, but there's a rav in this community. There's a rav in this community that many years ago. I'm not going to tell you his name. There's a maybe I was like, no, I'm not going to. There's a rav in this community, a chashev rav with a long white beard. Many years ago, I asked him, is it mutter to go skydiving? He said, I hope it's mutter to go skydiving. I went skydiving, and he said he went skydiving with one of the great rashi yeshiva of the generation, and I was like. I was picturing. I was like, I just like, you know what I'm saying? Like with the beard splits like in the air. There's a guy in my neighborhood. Has a long beard. He jogs on the side of the highway. He's a kheridi guy. He jogs on the side of the highway and his beard like splits like far as gum. And like and I can imagine this rashiwa like flying through the air. You have people that they go. They the people love going on roller coasters. They're people that.

18:06 They have a mission: bungee jumping, all the crazy things. I saw. I saw now they have a new thing that they give you wings. That you wear a suit that has wings. You know what I'm talking about? You wear a suit and you jump off a cliff. It's called cliff diving. A bunch of people. Because there are people that they live with a certain fear of death. And the confrontation with death makes a person feel alive. There are people like this. I mean to insult anyone. I'm not saying Chassidum there's something wrong with you if you're the girl that likes going on roller coasters and great adventure on Pesach. I'm not. I'm just saying it's an interesting thing to think about why you like to do that. Because alpiteva you would not think that that's a normal thing. The bichina of living with death is Esav. Esav says Hineh haNa'ichi hoylech lamus.

19:01 I'm going to die. He lives with the notion of death. There are people that live with the death consciousness. So what does Esav say? Esav says, Yaakov v'inu lomis, you're a person who doesn't deal with death. You're alive. Ubachar tebachayim. But I'm a person who lives with the consciousness of death. Therefore, I have no need for the bachira. What's going on over here? Hina anaychi holach lomus. I'm going to die, so I have no need for the bachira. What's the connection between? Esav selling the bechor to Yaakov Avinu because he had a consciousness of death. So we know that until the cheta ego, who was supposed to be the kohanim, kohanim were supposed to be the bechor, the firstborns were supposed to be the kohanim. Until the cheta ego, the firstborns were supposed to be the kohanim. They were supposed to be the ones that were serving in the beis hamikdash. The beis hamikdash is called a place of chayim. In the beis hamikdash, there is a notion of death. There is a notion of death.

19:59 So Esav was telling Yaakov Avinu, "It's not appropriate for me to be working in the Beit Hamikdash." I'm aware of my mortality. Amaisa, the Alter Rebbe was being interrogated in jail in Petersburg, and the guard held a gun to his head, and the guard threatened to kill him. The interrogator threatened to kill him, and the Alter Rebbe was not phased at all. The interrogator asked the Alter Rebbe, "How could you not be faced by this?" He said, "You believe in many gods and one world, so death is the end. I believe in one God and many worlds, so even if I die, death is just a part of life. After this world, there's an Eilim Haneshamos. After Eilim Haneshamos, there's a notion of Tchias Hamesim. The soul can't die because the soul is life. It doesn't even make sense if you think about it."

20:56 The soul can't die. The body could die because the body only borrows life from the soul. But the soul can't die any more than salt can go bad. If salt can go bad, what do you know about it? It's not salt. If life could die, then it's not life. Alive can stop because alive is a condition where the body is borrowing life from the soul. Esav is a physical being, so Esav lives with a consciousness of death. Because from the perspective of the physical, one day the physical will end. But from the perspective of the neshama, from Yaakov Avinu, the perspective of the neshama is what death? There's no notion of death. Death is an accident. Death doesn't make any sense. Why in the world would I believe in death? Yaakov Avinu lo mei. So b'charet ba'chayim. A person stands between their nefesh lo kis and their nefesh ba'hamas. Person has a godly soul. A person has an animal soul. Which one are we? The truth is, really, we're the godly soul.

21:50 But we could act like the animal soul. So ubachart bechaim, a person needs to choose to live with the consciousness of life. The emissaries, we do this naturally. I'll give you an example. Again, we forget sometimes, but it's a beautiful example. One of the boys in yeshiva was asking me. He wasn't sure if he believes in God or doesn't believe in God, and he was going through something. So I said, "Tell me, do you believe in love, or do you believe in chemicals?" He said, "What do you mean?" I said, "Do you believe that you only feel love because when you're with this person you secrete serotonin? So you don't really believe in love, do you believe in serotonin?" So he goes, "Yeah, I don't think I believe in love. I think I believe in serotonin." I said, "You're going to get married?" He said, "I hope." I said, "When you get down on one knee to propose, you're going to say, 'Marry me.' Nobody makes me secrete serotonin like you." So he said, "No." But I wouldn't be wrong, so I said, perhaps. But I don't know any girl that, if she knew you were really thinking that, would say yes. Because the serotonin is the goof, the love is the neshama. We naturally understand that the relationship that we have with each other is not just chemicals. The chemicals are a byproduct. It's because I love you that I secrete serotonin.

23:15 It's not that I secrete serotonin and that's a raya that I love you. The love is from the serotonin. Person doesn't look at art and think to themselves, "We have beautiful pieces of art here." Person doesn't look at the art and say, "That's color." No, there's something beautiful about it. There's a neshama. There's a chayus that exists within every goof. We don't really live in the dimension of the goof until it comes to hard things, and then we say something like, "You've said this before, maybe." It's hard to talk to Hashem because I can't see Him. But the emphasis, even right now, who's talking to who? Are we talking to our bodies? Of course not. Our bodies are not talking to each other. We know this because, if chas v'shalom you were missing a limb, you wouldn't be less of a person. It's not our bodies talking to each other. In fact, very often it's the body that's getting in the way of the real communication. It's when two people can just be still.

24:13 I don't want to say this. I'm going to say it, but I don't want it to become the topic, and I don't want this to be the taking away point. I was talking to somebody today who's a wonderful person, and I love them dearly, and they're amazing. Nebuch, they have an addiction to their phone. We were talking about real things. And this person kept getting messages, and I know that there's an urgency in their life, and they have a lot going on. Baruch Hashem, we were talking about very real things, and in the middle of talking, this person goes to me. One minute and answers a text. I wasn't hurt. I wasn't hurt even a little bit. I know this person loves me and I love this person. But I was like, 'Chaval, man, just put it away. The goofiness is getting in the way of the conversation. It was fluid, a good flow, a little bit of noise, but otherwise okay. It's not perfect, but it's close enough.

25:09 There's a mother who's washing dishes, and there's a little girl who's trying to get her mother's attention. "Mommy, listen to me." And the mother goes, "I'm listening." The girl goes, "Mommy, pay attention to me with your eyes." There's a person. I'm listening. You're not listening. Listening is present. Listening is neshama. It's one neshama speaking to another. It's not a goof. It's not a goof perspective. So now we can understand. A very deep thing. What is a kohen? Cohen took over for a b'chor. Esav says the Yaakov Vinu, you belong in the Beit Hamikdash. I'm a person who's hinei anaychi ha'lechlamus. You're Yaakov Vinu lomis. So when we're raising a child kohen, and every one of us is a child kohen, we're making mamlechim into the world. What do you think about this?

26:07 There's a security that we must give to our children. I'm going to say this. Maybe it won't make sense. Maybe I'll speak around it, and hopefully we'll fall into it together. There's a tragic moment in every child's life. Every one of us went through it. The tragic moment is, and usually it happens, hopefully a little bit later, but five, six, seven years old. Where a child becomes aware of their own mortality, they become aware that it's not necessarily going to be okay, and the only way that it will be okay is if they're part of the group. That's the most important thing. A child is unique until they become aware of their own frailty, and then they trade in their uniqueness for conformity.

27:04 Because being part of the group is safe. The example that I use, but I'm seeing it now with my son. A couple years ago, my daughter told me, "Abba, don't get me any more unicorn things." And I love buying unicorn things for my daughter. First, I'm a girl dad. I have five girls, and I leaned into it. I own it. I'm not going to lie. When my first daughter was born, I was a man who was expecting to raise men, and my first daughter was born. I was like, okay, oh for one, but like I love her and she's great. The Rebbeinu Shlom had a different plan, and then my second daughter was born. When my fourth daughter was born, I had a crisis of faith. I stopped, my belief in the Rebbeinu Shlom was wavering. I'm so happy. Every one of my children is amazing. But until my sixth child, I didn't have a boy. And when I finally did have a boy, walking down the streets of Ramat Beit Shemesh.

28:02 It's like I was a hero. It's like you did it finally. Congratulations! I was like, I have five healthy children. What's wrong with you? And especially the Sfarim. The Sfaridi fathers came over to me. They're like, Lechayim, you finally did. It was like they felt badly for me. These Sfaridi fathers. I love them. I love all my daughters. I became a girl dad. Now I'm raising my son to be a little girl. And he's like sad, and I'm like, Help me unpack the emotion that you're feeling right now. Let's point to it together.

28:32 I have no idea how I got into this. I'll get back there in one second. So my daughter says to me, "I love buying her unicorn things." And my daughter says, "Abba, no more unicorn things. Unicorns are for babies." I know she still loves unicorns, but what is she really saying? I don't want to be the girl in the class that has a unicorn napsack. I don't want to be the girl that has unicorn stickers all over her. Do they still call it a trapper keeper? You know what I'm talking about. Oh my God, do you know what I'm talking about? I feel badly, but we're dating ourselves. What do they call it now? A binder? A trapper keeper? No. It's a binder. Back in the 80s, I guess looking back on it, the 80s was a messed up time. So I don't know if trap keeper is a normal word, but I think it's a binder. But she wants to be that girl who has a notebook with all the pictures of unicorns. She wants to be a part of something bigger than herself.

29:32 But really, what separates her is what makes her awesome. If every one of us could really be our true life, like the life of each person is unique, what would happen if everybody in this room was actually authentic? This room would be lit up, and especially maybe this not such a nice thing to say, but it's one of the areas that we need to work on in our community, especially when we force girls into boxes and tell them this exactly what you need to be. Every single one of us needs to be some type of therapist, the speech therapist, the physical therapist, an occupational therapist, an aqua therapist. Was really just a fancy name for a lifeguard. You could be a horse therapist. You could be a therapist, therapist. Every one of us needs to be sure that the sentences are clear and that the punctuation is correct. But the main point is that I want to make sure that the editing rules are followed and that the output is clean and professional.

30:29 And so we use fear to keep people in this state of conformity. It's a state of misa. What would happen if everybody in this room was allowed to do whatever they wanted? And what if, just for a moment, we said, 'Let's put aside the practical.' I'm not saying we should, but what if, just for a moment, we said to people, 'We'll worry about the money later. Maybe we'll lower our standards of what we need in our community, but you'll be allowed to really truly express yourself.' This room would be lit up. Because every one of us would be able to be our unique self, rather than live with the fear of what happens if I act. Do you know how many girls have come to me over the years and said, 'Am I really supposed to act dumber than I am because I don't want to intimidate a boy?' That's a real thing that people are told. That's crazy. What's going to happen one day when you wake up and you go, 'Oops, I said a smart thing.' Like this, a normal thing to tell people in shaduchim.

31:23 Try to dumb it down so you don't intimidate people. I can't believe we're telling this to people. Be your authentic self. Show up and say hi, Nene. What type of craziness is this? It's not. I don't mean to just pick on a thing, and I'm not trying to be negative. I want you to know. When my daughter was dating, I told her, 'You are awesome. Just be yourself. And if you're yourself, you'll see that is attractive.' It's not attractive when we stop being ourselves. Life is meant to be expressed. You're suppressing the greatest tool that you have, the greatest weapon that you have in your life. We could change the entire world if every one of us would be our unique selves. And by the way, you know what we do? The people that are unique are the people we really looked up to. And then people are like, 'Well, I have to conform to be like those people.' Those unique people don't want you to be like them. The Rebbeinu Sholom doesn't create doubles.

32:16 We literally give the shmooz, and then we tell, but you all got to be the same. It's a misa oriented behavior. So we teach children, we teach these little Kohanim, you have to be as the leaders of Klal Yisroel, as the teachers of Klal Yisroel, kisif sei kohen yishmerudas, you have to be connected to Chai Hachaim. No Thomas Mays for you. That's the first. There's many halachas of kedusha of a kohen. But the first one is stop believing in death. If you believe in death, you lose yourself. You're so afraid to be who you are because maybe I'm not going to be in the group, and then maybe I'll be excluded, and then maybe it'll be dangerous. It's better to be vulnerable and be alive than to be safe and to be dead. It's not a small thing. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to be who you are.

33:11 How many years? If I wish I could go back and tell my 15-year-old self one thing, I would tell my 15-year-old Steph: stop caring so much what other people think and be who you are. Not with arrogance, just with a sense of menucha. Just be yourself. We're trying to raise our children this way. And then of course we have to tell some children because they are unique. Just tone down your uniqueness so the menahelit doesn't notice. But really, I want to celebrate these kids. I want to tell these kids, you're amazing, you're awesome. Go be a moshugana a little bit. There's nothing wrong with being a moshugana. All that, all those NCSY stories from those rabbis that are up there, they're all saying what? I was a moshugana in high school. So clearly you're a moshugana, and look what happened. I was in Merkaz Dafiyomi davening the other day, and I caught Rabbi Merkaz Dafiyomi is Rabbi Eli Stefanski, thirteen thousand people a day listening to the daf. It's on my block.

34:07 So I was there, and they—he was in America giving the Daf Yomi shear. But these chevr of guys—they're so into him that they go to the Merkaz Daf Yomi. They go to this place to watch him give shear. Meaning, even though he's in America, they broadcast the shiur into the room. They could see it online, but they go to sit together. It's a beautiful thing. So I was there, and I heard him tell the following story: This mashugan of Riveli Stefanski, when he was in high school, they were in a camp, on a campus. And the whole chaver got together and said, 'We're gonna make sure that we all wake up for shacharis together.' And one guy in the group said, 'I'm not part of it. I'm not part of this thing.' There was like, 'If you don't do it, then you have to like do something.' And he's like, 'No, I'm not part of this.' And they were very upset at him. Stevan said, 'I was very upset at him that he wasn't participating in the group.' So one morning he's going to shacharis, and what does he find on the camp? A horse.

34:55 So he said, "I have a good idea." He takes the horse, brings it back to the bunk, brings the horse into the bunk, puts the horse's head right by this guy's face who's sleeping. Wakes the guy up. The guy wakes up and he's looking into a horse's face, and he's telling him the story. And everybody knows, Stepansky always tells these crazy stories about what he did. There's a reason he's giving she'er to thirteen thousand people a day. It's because he was a mashugana. It's because he was a mashugana. It's because his unique light was always Baruch Hashem held in its unique way. And you'll say, but isn't there negative impact? Yes. There sometimes is a negative impact, and people learn. We have to teach our children the Kohanim. We have to teach them be people of life, be alive. Don't run to death. If certain kids, you should not. I feel badly for these kids. I see them every summer on NCSY Kol. They are the good kids. The bad kids, they're the ones who are going to be the ones who are going to end up with the most problems. They're the ones who are going to be the ones who are going to be responsible for their own actions. You know, so that's why I think we need to make sure that the language is clear and concise.

35:48 But they have these kids. They're like, I do everything right. I'm a good boy. I'm like, what type of trauma do you have in your life that you don't know how to break a rule? And they're like, but I do everything right. I'm like, it must be exhausting. It must be an exhausting life, constantly trying. Girls, could you imagine sitting for that long every single day and learning and paying attention? You're shaking your head. So you're a person. I'm not talking about the ADHD. I'm just talking about stammer. A person sometimes blurt something out. I have to do everything right. That's an exhausting life. What in the world happened to you that you're suppressing this natural exuberance that you have? We have to teach our children not to do that. You know why we celebrate Roshim Baruchai's life the way we do? Because Roshim Baruchai was kulachaim. So on the hilula of Rashbi, we light huge fires.

36:42 It's the biggest Yartzai candle in the world, and we say on the day of Roshim Baruchai's petira, we celebrate life, because Roshim Baruchai was a person who lived beyond death. He lived with a concept of true life, and I want to share with you something in the Zohar. But I think it's something that I think we need to understand. If we're talking about Chaim, we're not just talking about being unique. We're talking about being unique together. The Zayir Hakadosh says as follows: In the times of Roshim Baruchai, there was once a drought, and Roshim Baruchai wanted to daven that the drought should end. So he started davening and he said, "Hine matovu ma'noym shavasachim gam yachad." He said it over and over again until it began to rain.

37:43 What is Zarakh Kadosh teaching us? Listen to the words, 'Ine matov umanoyim.' How good it is, and how pleasant it is. Shavas achim gam yachad. When people sit together, when Jews sit together, that's a beautiful thing. Wednesday night, I was in Ben Gurion Airport, and I was coming from seminary. Even though there was no seminary that night, I accidentally went to the seminary. And then I went from the seminary to the Ben Gurion, and I got there early. And I walked in. I don't know if you know in Ben Gurion when you walk in to the right, there's like a little there's like a Lubavitch stand where they put on tefillin on you no matter what time of day it is. And so there's like a little like shul over there. So I went to the King David Lounge and had a few drinks. I think it's better to keep it short. So I went to the bar and ordered a drink. Then I saw a guy who looked like he was in his late 50s, maybe 60s. He said, 'Okay, let me get this straight. You're saying we need to have a discussion about the future of AI and machine learning?'

38:39 So I didn't want to sit forever. I want to go to the lounge and hang out. So I decided I'm going to recruit for Ma'ariv. I stood at the end of the ramp there and I stood. Anybody that walked by, I said, 'Do you believe in Ma'ariv?' And sometimes people just walked by. And then some Charedi people didn't believe in Ma'ariv. But anybody there, guys, do you believe in Ma'ariv? We're going to daven Ma'ariv. And we had the best Ma'ariv minion. We had the most beautiful Ma'ariv minion.

39:09 A Hasidish guy davened for the Yomim, two Lubavitchers, a couple of people that I think were secular that came and put on yarmulkes and really davened. We had twelve Jews; not one of us looked alike. And I really wanted not for social media, not for anything, not for WhatsApp status, not for Mikam Chayyisrael. I really wanted a picture of us. I really did. I wanted to say to the chavra, can we just get together and take a picture. We never, in a zillion years, would have ever davened Meirav together if we weren't in Ben Gurion Airport. I didn't have the card. I didn't have the. I like. I didn't. I didn't know what the chassidish guy was going to think if I said it, and I didn't want to be like. I'm not going to be in your stupid picture. So I. I didn't say anything. I wish there was like a better end to this story. Like I could pull out that picture. Like there's no. There's no good. And that boy was me. There's no good end. There's no good end to the story. I was davening to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Shema Yisrael, Hashem Alkenu Hashem Echad. And I was like, This is Echad.

40:05 Echad means that we could see the godliness in every single one of us. People who believe in Chaim understand that there is only one Chaim. That when we say Klal Yisrael's Guf Echad, what we mean to say is we are one soul shining into many bodies, but our bodies even are united because there's one soul shining into every single Jewish body. Rishon Bayachai, because he was the bechina of Chaim, when he saw that there was no shefa coming down into the world, he says over and over again. The Gemara in a matov v'manoim shavas achim gam yachad. The Gemara in Gittin tells us, "K'daihu Rav Shmuel, I think this is correct." K'vayach, if you're asking me, I would say it's not a problem. But let's just say, for example, 'Yes, I like apples.' So, if you have a sentence like 'I think this is good', you can change it to 'I think this is great.'

41:03 That in Gullus a yid needs to live like Roshim Baruchai. In Gullus, when we all feel separate from each other, a yid needs to remember we're all together. We're all together. Hineh matov v'manoim shavazachim gamyachet. There's one chayim. That's what it's really all about. So let's go back just for a moment to that story. And Mangam Liel has a beautiful vision for Klal Yisrael. I'm going to rebuild the Beit Hamikdash not with Karbanos but with Talmidei Chachamim. But there's a young boy, and he's a Talmid, and he's not on the level of Rav Akiva or Rav Yosua. He's up and coming. And he notices because he's sensitive. He notices that even though everyone's behaving appropriately, there's not love. There's things.

42:01 Underneath the surface, these things are not being dealt with. There's resentment and fear. This Talmud says we have to make these things come to the surface, because if we really want achdus, we can't pretend that everything's okay. Sometimes you have a couple that, if you see them on the outside, you think this couple has beautiful shalom bayis, but on the inside, there's so much pain because nobody's talking about what's going on. A Talmud once came to me and he said, "My parents got divorced last year." I said, "Did you see it coming?" He said, "I never saw it coming." I said, "You never saw it coming? That's impossible. You never saw it coming?" Because my parents were very strict, I was raised in a very traditional home, but I didn't know how to talk about it. So I said,

42:56 If things are coming up and you're working through things together, that's a vehicle for bringing people closer together. Like the Rambam explains on the pasuk Lo Tisnas Achichel Bava Vecho, there's a lot of people that are walking around with hatred for their brothers and sisters in their heart because they're unwilling to talk about it. That's why in Eretz Yisrael we have so many hafganimot. We don't know how to talk to each other, so we only know how to scream at each other. I was talking to this cab driver. There's something beautiful in Israel you don't have here in America. In America, if you get into an Uber, what do you talk about? First of all, nothing, because he wants to get a five star rating. He doesn't really want to be talking to you, and you don't really want to be talking to him. But I got in this cab going from Tomer Devora to Ben Gurion. I sit down in the cab, and the first thing the cab driver says to me is, "What do you think about Ben Gurion?"

43:52 And also I don't want to say the wrong thing because it's already an Israeli taxi cab. It's much worse than skydiving. Like, it's already fifty every time you get in one of those things. So I was quiet and he starts going off about we have to go slowly and any changes that we make the entire country needs to be together and we were on the verge of civil war. I'm like, I'm just listen. I'm like, just okay, say they're good. Do your thing. Keep your eyes on the road. And then he said a very smart thing. He said a lot of things I agree with, but then he said something very smart. He said, if we don't start getting along, you know what's going to happen? The Arabs are going to attack us. So I didn't know what he meant, but I said, what do you mean? He goes, every, and this is not a man who's wearing a yarmulke.

44:46 He goes every time we fight inside. Hashem sends the Arabs to get us back together. If we're fighting, Hakadosh Baruch Hu has to remind us we're all one family. I'm like, okay, you're the Rebbe. I should be driving the cab. That's what Rav Shmuel Yochai looked like. He looked at. He's like, this is not good. Rav Menachem Liel's the nasi, and yes, everybody has. Everybody's following his p'sak halacha. Everything on the outside looked good. But he knew that Rav Yosher was there, and he knew that Rav Akiva wasn't happy with the way that Rav Yosher was being treated. Everybody knew what was going on. So there was one Talmud, and this is who the story is really about. One Talmud who says, if we believe in life, then we believe in unity. If we believe in unity, then there has to be Tzur Shalom. And sometimes things need to fall apart. So he Dafka goes to Rav Yosher and says, what are you paskin? And then he Dafka goes to Rav Ameliel and he starts the fight. Isn't it that Talmud? It's not.

45:41 It's not that he started the fight. He revealed what was already going on under the surface. That's the whole bechina of Kabbalah to begin with. The whole Yosef of the Zayars to teach us the secrets of Torah that are going on underneath the surface. So that's what Rishon Bayochai did. He brought it all up, and that's why at the very end of the Gemara, after Rami Gamliel and Rav Yehoshua finally make Shalom and Rami Gamliel becomes nasi, the Gemara says, "And who was that boy? It was none other than Rishon Bayochai, the great person of Shalom in Klal Yisrael. Because if you believe in Chaim, then you believe in unity."

46:16 Raya Mehemna. We'll finish with this. Raya Mehemna and Zayir. It says that the Geulah will come in the merit of this Sefer of the Zayir Kabbush. Isn't it an interesting thing that today people are learning Sifrei Kabbalah and Sifrei Chassidus, the Sfarim of the Gra, the Sfarim of the Maral, the Sfarim of the Ramchal. Today, the whole world talks about this notion of pnimiyasatayra. It's an amazing thing. Why is that? What changed? Why was it that not so long ago in yeshivas, what did they learn? Gemara. And today in yeshivas, of course, we learn Gemara. But you see, the talmidim are going. Rebbe, I want more. I want to be able to understand why I'm doing this. I want to. I don't want. I'm tired, Rebbe. I'm going to daven, but I'm tired of just davening.

47:12 I'm tired of just saying the words. I want to connect to Hashem. That's what we're hearing everywhere we go, right? That's what you remember. You girls said it not that long ago. Everybody wants to hear something deeper. We're a generation. We are, as Rabbi Nachman said, a door mitzuyon. We are a phenomenal generation because we are not satisfied with just knowing the surface. Why? Because as we get closer and closer to the coming of Mashiach, we need to kill death. We need to be able to see to the pneumius of the thing, and not just the chitzainius of the thing. People are looking and saying marriages are falling apart more than ever before. Maybe that's true, but in a certain way, marriages are getting stronger than ever before. People are more vulnerable with each other than ever before. People are learning new techniques of how to stay together. People are learning that maybe grit and resilience are important, but maybe there's something underneath the surface that also needs to be there.

48:07 I know my grandmother, Allah Shalom. She never remarried after my grandfather passed away. My grandfather passed away quite young, and she never remarried. And she went out on a couple of dates. And I once asked her, Grandma, why didn't you get remarried? And she said to me, I went out on a couple of dates. It was very uncomfortable because even though your grandfather wasn't alive, I was still married. And it's interesting because my grandfather passed away when I was very young. But the stories they tell about my grandmother and my grandfather were not stories of a deep love between them. If anything, the stories are exactly the opposite. They had a very old school marriage. My grandmother served my grandfather in many ways. It wasn't like what you would expect. But it's very clear to me that my grandmother had a tremendous ahava for him.

49:03 Because if it was only that she was loyal to him, then when he passed away, she would have been loyal to somebody else. But there was a pneumias there. There was a connection. That's the connection that we're all searching for today. So you could look and you could say on the outside, but so much of it is falling apart. But sometimes it needs to fall apart. Sometimes it needs to fall apart on a generational level in order for us to learn things. And this is why we're learning this svarim of Rishim Baruchai, because we're tired of just learning the menu without tasting the food. We're tired of learning the halacha without being introduced to the one who wants these halachas, and this is what brings about kedaihu l'smicha rishon b'yochavei b'shasadchak. This is kedai for us in these times to follow the path of rishon b'yochavei. So how can we be seivel? How can we understand the tragedy that happened in Meron? Of course, none of us could possibly understand why anything happens.

50:01 And it would be ridiculous and it would be insane to try to attempt any explanation. But one thing I can say is this: if we're going to be Jews who believe in Lag Baomer, and we should be, then it is kedai for us to be soymechan rishim b'yochai in this very difficult tefucha. To somehow find meaning in this pain, to somehow see past the veil of misa, even though there are probably people in this room—who know people who passed away in that tragedy. But I believe b'emu neshlema in tchias hamesim. I believe b'emu neshlema in Yaakov v'inu lomes that those kohanim gedolim.

51:00 That were nifter on that day in that holy place, are as alive today as they ever were, even though we miss them terribly. And that's not something that we just do on Lag BaOmer. That's something that we need to bring to our entire lives. That there are times when in our lives we feel dead, and we should know that there's a bechina of tchias amesim in that moment of misa. That there are times when I pusher don't want to daven. And I'm saying the words, but I feel nothing. Okay, so I think it's important for us to focus on the main idea here. Combine short, choppy sentences into fluid sentences. Fix punctuation errors to ensure grammatical correctness. Preserve original vocabulary - do NOT replace words with synonyms unless grammatically necessary. And you should know that even though there's a feeling of misa, there's a deep sense of life that is living and is buried within that moment. When relationships, you're in a relationship. A boy told me today, Rabbi, I was on the verge of getting engaged to this girl, and I broke up with her. And he's mamish. He's in a hard place right now. But there's a tremendous amount of life that exists within the pain that he's feeling right now.

51:56 Whenever we're confronting that sense of death, we have to remind ourselves to have emuna in the life that exists within all of those painful moments. And blessed Hashem, we should be finished with this very soon. In these, we can't even say final moments anymore before Mashiach. It's final seconds. It's not even moments. It's milliseconds. Historically speaking, we are milliseconds away from Mashiach coming. But we have to remind ourselves in an actionable way. He ne matov manam shav sachem gam yachar.