Lag Ba’Omer and the Scent of Torah (full)

3:09 It was about four thirty in the morning. I bump into those two talmidim, and we're talking about the night, how special it was, all the dancing, all the kirus elokim, the tvelos, and I say, "Oh, guys, did you daven myruf?" And they said, "Oh, Rebbe, we managed, totally forgot. We really meant to, but we're so into everything. It was a night of kedusha, but they just forgot." And I quickly calculated. I saw that it was already after alus hashachar, after dawn, before neitzachama, before sunrise. We're going to daven shachar, so another half hour, forty minutes, whatever it was. And by alus hashachar, many hold you no longer could daven myruf. Already a daven, you could daven myruf all night long. Ain lo kava, the Mishnah says in brachos. But when you hit aloz hashachar dawn, it's already somewhat the next day. That's a new day. That's already b'diavad you could daven shachris already. Reb Shimon very chay, the halakatan Reb Shimon. He's the day. He holds that you could still daven as long as it's not neitacham. As long as it's not sunrise. In that time between aloz and neit, you could still daven myrav.

4:37 The Gemara says, 'Keday lismo Charev Shimon b'shazan chak.' That we could rely on Reb Shimon in an emergency situation, and here we were standing by the kever of Shimon, and Reb Shimon's the da' Reb Shimon's the opinion that you could still daven ma'irav. I said to them, 'Look where we are, daven ma'irav.' And the two of them daven ma'irav right there. I have a picture in my house of them davening ma'irav. It was an incredible moment. I was thinking about how special that moment was. It wasn't just the halacha and by Reb Shimon. You know a little bit about Reb Shimon. You know a little bit about Zohar. You know a little bit Penimus HaTorah. What Lag BaOmer represents. It represents so much so that even in the darkest of hours, even when we feel that we're almost giving up on all hope, Kriish Baruch Hu loves us, and there's always an hour. There's always a light, and Hashem is always by our side, and all of Zohar is teaching us this message.

5:38 And all of Reb Shimon was about Reb Shimon in the darkest of caves, learning the deepest of Torahs and bringing it to light. And I thought this story specifically, Ma'iriv is that tefillah. Ma'iriv is the tefillah that in the dark of night we dive in and we connect to Hashem in the darkest of hours. And here it was not just Ma'iriv; it was Ma'iriv at the final moments that you could dive in. Ma'iriv. That's Reb Shimon. That's Lag B'Omer. Never give up. Never aviyish. Let's understand how we could build that within ourselves. Where do we get that from? And clearly, it's from the Torah of Reb Shimon. It's from the Torah itself. But what is this yontov of Lag Baomer all about? Because Lag Baomer is very strange. It's one of these very hidden yamim tovim. On the surface, most don't understand. If you'd ask them, what are we celebrating, Lag Baomer? What are we celebrating? The death of a tzaddik.

6:39 Do we have any other day where we really have such a celebration of a yartzeit? If Shimon died, let's dance. Really strange. How about we know you thinking maybe the Talmidim of Rav Kiva? Let's go back to that. The Talmidim of Rav Kiva. So we're in Availus. We're mourning twenty-four thousand Talmidim that perished. They stopped dying because they were all dead. They stopped dying because they finished dying out. It's not like half of them were dying in it. Baruch Hashem, they stopped dying, and we had no, no, no. They were all dead. So let's celebrate. Maybe that veilus is over. So stop mourning. But we're going to dance and we're going to sing and we're going to celebrate a yontiv of Lag B'Omer. Really, what is it all about? So if you have to understand any yontiv, you have to go back to its origin.

7:35 Sadduk teaches us the first of anything is the esode, it is the foundation, it is fundamental, it is what it's all about. So what's the origin of Lag BaOmer? What's the first occurrence that happened that we know about on Lag BaOmer? Because that could maybe give us a little bit of an understanding of what the day is all about. Chassam Sofer has a whole Torah where he develops that on Lag BaOmer. And Chaiir, that was the day that the month began to fall. When we left Mitzrayim, we brought with us food. We had food with us, and that food he has all chesed. He explains we had enough for thirty days, and for three days we went actually without food, and the month began to fall in Lag B'Omer. What's the significance of the month beginning to fall in Lag B'Omer?

8:33 What's the connection to Ripshevin? Before we explain, there's one other connection I want to make, and that is that there's a deep connection that we see in halacha between Lag B'Omer and Purim. In fact, the day of the week that Lag B'Omer is going to always be is the Purim Shavur. We have Peleg Chai is the mnemonic to remember. Peleg Purim Lag B'Omer. Chai, the eighteenth day of year, Peleg Purim Lag Boymer. If you remember, a lot of us had this chus to be together in Purim. What a beautiful, beautiful time in the oil. So Purim was on a Tuesday. You remember Purim this year? Purim was on a Tuesday. I don't know how many remember Purim. It's one of the luckiest Purim. Not supposed to remember Purim. Trust me, it was a Tuesday. Was Lag Boi Monday night Tuesday? Lag Boymer is going to be Mir Tashlum Monday night Tuesday.

9:31 It's always the same day, and if it's the same day, there has to be a deeper connection with the Purim Lag B'Omer as well. So we have a connection between the month beginning to fall, and we have a connection with Purim. What is that? So what is Lag B'Omer? The way I have always understood Lag B'Omer is the following: when you understand Lag B'Omer in the following way, you can understand also why it's the deepest Achana. For Kabbalah Satora, the Kaddushes Levi, the Berditcher, and others explain that really the working on ourselves, the hard avodah of L'Tair mitumasenu of these days, is really, in some level, finished. The Lag BoYomer. Now we have 17 days of Toiv Gematria. The last 17 days in Toiv L'Torah. Already at Kabbalah Satora. What happened on Lag BoYomer?

10:25 Lag B'omer was the day. Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai passed away. It's his yahrzeit, and that's why there's such a gathering by his kever. But you know what else happened on that day? Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai took his talmidim, and he revealed much of the Zohar on that day. But he didn't just reveal it. He understood a slasos l'Hashem the Zohar, penimis the Torah, his Torahshva path. And until that point in time, that was not supposed to be written down. Tosha ba'peh was supposed to be Rebbe Talmid oral Torah. But Reb Shimon bar Yochai understood that if it wasn't written down, it would be lost forever. We wouldn't have the Zohar today. And he told his Talmidim. Not only did he give it over, he told them to write it down. And therefore, it's because of this day Lag B'omer that we have the Zohar, that we have Penimis haTorah. But it's more than that.

11:18 Who was one of the Talmidim of Rabbi Shimon Rechavi, Rabbi Yehuda Anasi, the Tan Rabbi Yehuda, and what did Rabbi Yehuda understand from his Rabbi Shimon when he understood the Rabbi Shimon on the day of his Petira said to write down the Zohar? Years later, he understood that Ais Lassels Hashem, I have to write down Mishnayos until the time of Rabbi Yehuda Anasi. The Mishnayos was the Oral. Why do we have Mishnayos today? Why do we have Torah Shva'at Par? Rabbi Yehuda Anasi wrote it down. How did he know he was able to do that? Where did he learn that from, Reb Shimon Bar Yochai, on this day? And through Mishnayos, eventually we have the Gemara, all of Torah Shavah Peah. Our whole lives that we live our lives by Torah, therefore is dependent on Lag Baomer. It's that day. It's that's the Yontif. And now we understand also that on this day, Rebbe Akiva's Talmidim, are we celebrating that Rebbe Akiva's Talmidim?

12:14 Finished dying. We're not celebrating that they finished dying because they all died out. But you know what else happens on that day? Chazal tell us the Gemara teaches us so beautifully. There is a kiva who just lost twenty four thousand talmidim. We can't understand what that must have been like. I've unfortunately lost a few talmidim in my life. You know what it is to lose a talmid. You know it's losing a child. You don't forget it every day of your life. Twenty-four thousand talmidim. What would most people have done? Gone in a corner, curled up into a ball, and cried for the remainder of one's life. But what do we find, Rabbi Akiva? What do we find—the perseverance of Rabbi Akiva, the greatness of Rabbi Akiva?

13:12 On that very day, he took five new talmidim. He took talmidim, Rav Shimon. He took talmidim, Rav Meir. He took my talmidim, Rav Yehuda. He took talmidim. There was the continuity of Torah, meaning at that moment, Rav Ekiyva was the amudat Torah, and he was giving that over to the next door, and that door was wiped out. And if Rabbi Kiva gave up and was misyayish because of that, Torah would have been lost forever. We're celebrating not the loss of the twenty four thousand at that point. We're celebrating that he took five nuskomidim, and we have Torah today because of that. So Lag BaOmer is the day that we have to be thankful that we have Torah today. And what are we without Torah? We're nothing. We just celebrated Shabbos Kodesh. Was it not so incredible? Imagine what it would be not having Shabbos. Imagine you had a whole weekend, you didn't have Shabbos to look forward to. How dreadful that week would be! Wouldn't be a week. I wouldn't be able to live that week. How do we have Shabbos through Torah? We learn what Shabbos is. Without Torah, we don't even know what Shabbos is. Even if you only had Torah B'Ksav, you'd know anything about Shabbos. What would you know about Shabbos? It's a holy day. All the Malachos are in Torah Shabbat.

14:35 So we know about a tsa, maybe, and not to make a fire. That's about it. Lag boymer, the yontiv, to celebrate the fact that I have Torah, that you have Torah, that we have Torah, that we can live Torah. And if we can live Torah, it means we can live with the rabbi in shul. That has relationship with Hashem, because without how else do I relate to Hashem? How else do I have relationship with the Ain Soif? If not for Torah, the Tanya tells us Paragdal that I give the Rabbani Shlomahol, and now we understand why this was the day that the man began to fall. Because Chazal teach us Lo nitn the Torah el lo eichle man. The Torah was only given to the generation where the man fell, because the Kaddish Baruch Hu wanted that generation to be free of any.

15:32 Responsibility of gashmis and be able to be absorbed in Torah. Many other ideas, if not for right now, but lo nif le Torah lechleimanso. On the day that we have to be thankful for Torah that we have, it's going to be on the day that was the foundation of receiving the Torah, and that as well, of course, is a connection to Purim, because if you know a little bit about Purim and the Gemara in Chabes Peches tells us that Purim, after the beautiful story of Purim. What's the lingering taste of Purim? Kimu vikibla yudikimu ban shikibla kavair. Another kabbalas haTorah. So the day of Tyra, the day where we celebrate the fact that we have Tyra. That's what we're celebrating. A Monday night, wherever you're going to be, and you'll be celebrating and dancing and singing and just living Yiddishkeit in such a passionate, incredible way. Now you understand. We're going to be celebrating Tyra. We're going to be celebrating Yiddishkeit. Without this day, we don't have it.

16:35 That alone, kodesh kodash. But the question is, what does that mean to you? Because let's be real, Torah is different to men and to women, and there's a different chiyuv of l'ma d'Torah. And for you, most of your life is not going to be from this point on in your life given over to studying Torah hours and hours a day. It's not your ikar tafkid. Say for men, what is this all? What is the day of Lag BaOmer, which is the day of celebration of Penimius Torah, a day of celebration of the fact that we have Torah Shvaal Peh? What does that mean for each and every one of you? The Zohar, Reb Shimboiachai, tells us very famously that there are six hundred thousand letters in the Torah. That's a famous acronym of Yisroel. We're all Benei Yisroel. Yisroel's Rashi Tevash, Yeshim Riba Osiel the Torah. Yeshim Riba Osiel the Torah. There are six hundred thousand letters in the Torah, and the Zohar tells us that not only are there six hundred thousand letters, but those are connected to six hundred thousand neshamos of Klal Yisroel. Six hundred thousand ikar neshamos of Klal Yisroel.

18:04 We're not going to get into Gilgulim and reincarnations, all these ideas, but there are six hundred thousand Yisoidistic fundamental, foundational souls of Bnei Yisrael. Problem is, first of all, it's hard to understand. Seemingly, it's connected to Pasuk in Parashas Bo that tells us there were six hundred thousand Jews that left Mitzrayim. Those are the six hundred thousand that's when we became a nation. Problem is, those were six hundred thousand Jews. Those were men, and that didn't include women or children. Children will grow, and we can understand they couldn't be. But women? What about women? So you have to know another Zohar, and the Zohar tells us that a man without a woman is only half.

19:01 Of an ish and isha together that make one neshama, and ultimately every neshama was initially one neshama that split, and that's what you are searching for in your bashert. And therefore, the six hundred thousand neshamos, each one is an ish v'isha in a certain sense. A man and a woman should be one. Like the famous story of Aryeh Levine. You've all heard the story, and the Meretzhev Yishevizuch had to live the story. Ravari Levine walked into the doctor with his wife. His leg was hurting. The doctor asked, "What's going on?" And what does Ravari Levine says? Famously, you all know. "Our leg hurts." How about you should be so good to live that your husband should feel that of you. You should feel that of your husband. It's a message. We're one. We're one. So that we can explain the six hundred thousand letters. Each one is a man and a woman as one.

19:57 Before we get to that, we should ask a more fundamental question. I don't expect any of you to ever count the letters in the Torah. There are a lot, but if you did, there aren't six hundred thousand letters in the Torah. The Zohar is just incorrect. Not even close. There are actually about half, a little over three hundred thousand. What's the Zohar talking about? There are different explanations. Tanya, Shneur Zalman of Liadi. On that trip, I spoke about the beginning. I was supposed to be by his kavir. I'll never forget. Changed my life forever. The Hilga Bal Tanya explains that we know in the Torah there's no vowels, there're no nekudos, and there are letters that represent nekudos. If you've ever

20:56 If you have ever seen a red rokshuvah, as Hashem should be zoych each and every one of you in the right time, so when you transliterate into Hebrew, there are certain letters that take the place of a vowel. For example, a segol, the E is represented by an ayin. So the Tanya explains that even though the letters are not physically there, but if you added all the letters of the vowels as well, the placement that they would take—that's when you'd have six hundred thousand letters. That's one way of explaining. Ryaku Kamenetsky gave a different explanation. If you look at a letter of the Torah, the letters are made up of various letters. Like an Aleph is a Vav with two Yuds. Aleph is made with a Vav and two Yuds. So if you added all of those, and you know, I read, I saw tzaddikim who after him.

21:52 Mamish did a calculation these days with a computer, whatever it was, and so Mamish is exactly six hundred thousand. If you go like that, it's pretty incredible. But I want to give a different explanation today. There is a medrash that talks about the letters of the Torah. In Devarim Rabba, Amarish Lakish, Hatorah Shinit Lel Moshe. The tyra has a cloth. It has a parchment of white fire, and it's written with black fire. And we have to understand that you can't have a letter without a cloth. The letter without parchment, you need the foundation to be written on, and that's considered the medrash as white fire. You have black fire and white fire. Every single letter has to be completely surrounded by cloth. It's a halacha. You can't have any letters touching in the Torah or its puzzle. Every letter is surrounded, and that surrounding white parchment gives life to the letter, and is just as crucial. It's just as important.

23:22 And maybe that's pshat. So every letter, if there are three hundred thousand letters, but there are really six hundred thousand letters, l'fi the Tanya, l'fi Rav Yaakov. But each of those six hundred thousand letters, each of those six hundred thousand letters, we said has a man and a woman to it, has a man and ish v'ish. And maybe we could suggest. The letters, the black letters that we call the letters, represent the neshamah of the ish of the man, and the ish levana, the white fire, the parchment is that of the woman. In fact, by the way, you can't make this up. This remiz, if you take the gematria of ice, alevav tof, plus kaf, kuf lamid pei, it's six hundred and seventeen.

24:21 Ice plus cloth, exactly gematria ish plus isha. Ish and isha is the ice and the cloth, is the letter in the parchment six hundred seventeen. And a chassanu, you'll be zayich be shatayva in the right time. Each and every one of you is going to put on a white gown, and your chassan is going to wear a black suit. Maybe a tux. I don't know how you're going to be, but lemais, it's going to be black. Trust me, and everything we do in Yiddishkeit, the minog has a tamlo daver. It's not just because that's what happened, because you're the esh levana, and your chasson will be the esh schayer. You're the white parchment, and he's the black ink. What exactly does that mean? I want to explain in two different ways because if we understand this, if you understand this.

25:19 You understand your place in Torah, your place in Kabbalah, the Torah, and for sure we'll be made sviros. We prepare for Kabbalah, the Torah, but we're about to enter into Lag BaOmer, the Yontiv of Torah. What does that mean for each and every one of you? On one level, I believe it's the following, and this will not be a chiddush, but you have to embrace and you have to believe, because sadly we live in a world that tries to confuse us and make us think that men and women should be one and the same, and we're not one and the same. And it's not better or worse; that's different. And it's important to embrace that and understand that. Yiddishkeit has it right. Of course, it has right. It's the objective truth of the rabbinical and understand that men and women are different, both beautiful, both incredible, both equally important. Si no byas yasher.

26:19 When we're leaving Mitzrayim, the beginning of the Yomay Sfirah, we're singing away, and at the very end of Bishalach, after the men are singing, so the women want in. Miriam leads the women and sings. You all know this. What's the pasuk say? It says, "Vatan lahen Miriam." Miriam answers them, "Sus varach v'orama v'yom." But how? Read the pesukim in Bishalach. No one was talking. No one asked a question. What is Miriam answering? You know what she was answering. The whole purpose of Yishtiyah Mitzrayim, we see already in Rashi, and we understand, was in order to leave Mitzrayim to go and receive the Torah, to go be makhabel the Torah. The women came to Miriam and said, "What does that mean to us? Should we be singing? The Torah is for the men. The men are sitting and learning Gemara. The men are sitting and learning Yeshiva."

27:16 We're not the ones. Is there what that we should be sing? Miriam answered. Of course, we should be sing. Turn around and look. You see, by the Mitzrim, the Mitzri, the Egyptian, the one riding the horse, and the horse that holds up that Mitzri, the horse that's the foundation. They're both drowning. They're both being punished together, as one. So too, the one who learns Torah, and the foundation of Torah, the bias, has that same schair lahavdil. Let's sing together. Let's sing because we're the foundation for our husbands, for our children.

28:12 We're going to make it possible for them to learn Torah, to connect to Torah, and that's chashev and that's kadosh and that's what the white fire is. That's what parchment is. Parchment is the foundation that holds the letter, and that's just as important. You don't have the letter without the parchment. Don't take that. It sounds like a second class citizen. Chas v'shalom, just as chashev, just as important. Just as important to be taking care of a home and building a home with simcha, with calm, that children could come back to and feel that and be able to learn Torah and have a husband who you support to be able to wake up early, to leave late at night, and to sit and learn Torah. You're the foundation.

29:09 You are the white fire, and it's just as much to celebrate in accepting that role. But the emphasis is each and every one of you also has a deep connection to the words of Torah itself, and of course, to learn Torah is important for each and every one of you, and to live Torah and to keep the halacha and to learn sifrei mussar and sifrei machshava and to learn Tanach. It's a chiyah for each and every one of you, and it's something that's very real and something that's going to lift you up throughout your entire lives, even as you understand what your ikkerol is. What about all that? What does that mean? Because let's not negate that. And here I think there is another yisod that you have to understand of what the white fire is, who each and every one of you will be in this world, who you are. There is a very famous story.

30:02 About two close friends, the Maggid of Trisk, Rav Avram Tversky Zeichet Adikash Racha, he was the son of Rav Matlof Chernabul, and Rav Nachum Mendel Kalish, the son of Rav Yitzchok Gvorka. Rav Avram and Rav Mendel were best of friends. When they grew up, they became rebbeis and lived far away. It was a half day's journey away from where they each were rebbeis. Vorka and Trisk, but they wanted to stay close. But what do you do if you want to stay close if you don't have WhatsApp? Remember years ago, for years, you know when WhatsApp began. For I didn't begin already like a few years. It was in. I didn't want to have WhatsApp because of all the time and all that it was. I'm even yavin. I just had a regular phone with texting and so. I didn't want WhatsApp. And then I had a Talmud who ran away from his parents. He left this whole note on his wall in Hebrew. He wrote this whole crazy note. Wasn't suicidal, but it sounded like he was like, "Now I have to leave." I don't want to get into the details. He must have wrote on his wall, and we couldn't find him. We had no idea where he went.

31:33 So I got WhatsApp in order to find him, because I knew maybe he's out of the country somewhere, and then you couldn't get in touch with anyone without WhatsApp out of the country. And I found him through WhatsApp, and he went there to Zerol without telling anybody. He bought a ticket, went there to Zerol. Long story. Now he's still sitting and learning whatever. That's an old enough story. This was years ago. Since then, I realized I need to have WhatsApp to be in touch with Tamedim and Tamedo and the people in Eretz Yisrael. So that was it. Since then, I have WhatsApp. But it's a true story. A few more details we can't talk about, but anyways, Mavin Yavin. So what do you do? They used to. They decided they made a pact that every week they're going to write letters to each other. Every week they're going to write letters to each other. Every year of Shabbos, early in the morning, Rav Mendel would sit and write a letter. It took him a long time, and he had his trusted gabbai Moshele would take a half day's journey. He'd set up very early Friday and he'd bring it to Vorka.

32:34 Sorry, he would. Reb Mendel would send it to Reb Avraham Triski, who was in Trisk to the Trisker, and the Trisker would open the letter and he'd be crying, reading this letter every week, and he'd sit with tears coming down his cheeks, take a good half hour, write a letter back, and he'd deliver back and forth for years. This went on, and every week when Moshele was carrying the letters, he had a lot of curiosity, like what's ready. He really wanted to open it up and read them, but obviously had respect for his Rebbe to do it.

33:05 He was so curious; it got the best of him, and he went off. He said he made sure very, very carefully to open it up, so he'd be able to seal it again. His Rebbe wouldn't know, and he opens up the letter, and it's blank. It's blank. He couldn't believe his eyes, and he brings it, and he still delivers it. He delivers it to Reb Avram. And he was very mad, very upset. He's like he's spending every Friday of his life delivering blank pieces of paper. So he wants to see what happens. He delivers it, and Ravin goes, and he's crying, just like normally, looking at it, crying. And he spends a while with a piece of paper to give back a letter. He sends back a letter, and this one—it didn't take him long on his journey. Just when he's quickly a little bit out, and he has to check, and he opens up, and it's also blank.

34:05 He couldn't believe what he saw, and he gets back to his rebbe. He gets back to Rebbe Mendel, and this is Shabbos. He didn't say a word at first, but the whole Shabbos he was aggravated. He was sad, and most of Shabbos the rebbe saw and knew what was going on. He probably knew the whole story, and he pulls Moshele and says, 'What's wrong? You look sad all Shabbos.' At that point, he says, 'I can't hold back anymore, Rebbe. You're sending me every week. I'm sorry. I apologize. I know it was wrong. I opened the letters—blank pieces of paper. What's going on? I'll read you the way it said, how he said it. Raimundo did not flinch. The Torah explained as black letters written on white parchment. The black letters represent the words that are expressed—the mitzvot, the laws, the morals, the love Hashem has for the Jewish people.'

35:01 The white, the blank spaces, however, contain the messages that are much deeper. This is how Hashem expresses His love for us, which is so great and which bursts forth to such an extent that it cannot possibly be put into words. Mendel's eyes welled up with tears as he looked at his Shammes Moshele. You must understand. When I correspond with my dear friend, we usually express our words through black letters. This week, however, our message was so deep, so intense. This week we wrote the white parchment. We expressed an emotion that transcends letters. That's each and every one of you. That's nashim tzidkaniyos. It's true. There are all different types of halachos, mitzvahs, mankav, nashim peturos. You don't have the same chiyuv and talmud Torah. We men, we're not as holy. We're not as emotional. We don't have the same bina. We don't have it that you have. So we need that.

35:57 That type of avoda, but the deeper depth, the emotional connection that you guys have, and that you'll give over to your children, and you'll share with your husband. That's the white parchment. That's what you're being makkabel. It's so much deeper. It's incredible. That's the penimius haTorah. That's the Torah of Ripsheim. That's Lagboymer. And if the Hasidish rabbis don't do it for you, I just want to read you. Just one last idea, and these are the words of the Rav, Rav Salavetchik. Whatever world you come from, it's all one. Salavetchik wrote this. He said this over. He wrote it, I believe. It was written, but it was originally a Hasid. To the mother of his oldest son-in-law, Rebbetzin Rebecca Twersky, but he was talking about his own mother. Listen closely, Chavra. If all we did together was to read this for you, I believe there's nothing more kaddish. Try to make copies for everybody. I should have already because this is what you have to have on your wall. As Nashim Sikanios, people are mistaken in thinking there's only one Misora and one Misora community, the community of the fathers, but it's not true.

37:24 Shema beni Musar Avicha, we'll teach our Torah Simcha. What is the difference between these two mesoras? What is Musar Avicha? What is Torah Simcha? What is your Torah Simcha? Let us explore what one learns from the father, and what one learns from the mother. One learns much from the father, how to read a text, the Bible or the Talmud, how to comprehend, how to analyze, how to conceptualize. How to classify? How to infer? How to apply? One also learns from the father what to do and what not to do. What is morally right and what is morally wrong? The father teaches the son the discipline of thought as well as the discipline of action. The father's tradition is intellectual, a moral one. That is why it's defined with mussar, which is the biblical term for discipline. What is Torah Simcha? What kind of Torah does the mother pass on? I admit that I am not able to define precisely the role of the Jewish mother. Only by circumscription, I hope to be able to explain it.

38:23 Permit me to draw upon my own experiences. I used to have long conversations with my mother. In fact, it was a monologue rather than a dialogue. She talked, and I happened to overhear. What did she talk about? I must use a halakhic term in order to answer this question. She talked meinyana diyoyima. I used to watch her arranging the house in honor of a holiday. I used to see her recite prayers. I used to watch her recite the sedra every Friday night, and I still remember the nostalgic tune. I learned from her very much. Most of all, I learned that Judaism expresses itself not only in formal compliance with the law, but also in living experience. She taught me that there's a flavor, a scent, and warmth to mitzvot. I learned from her that the most important thing in life is to feel the presence of the Almighty and the gentle pressure of His hand resting upon my frail shoulders. Without her teaching, which quite often were transmitted to me in silence, I would have grown up a soulless being, dry and insensitive.

39:20 The laws of Shabbos, for instance, were passed on to me by my father. They are part of Musar Avicha. The Shabbos is a living entity, as a queen was revealed to me by my mother. It's part of Torah Simcha. The father knew much about Shabbos. The mother lived the Shabbos, experienced her presence and perceived her beauty and splendor. The father taught generations how to observe the Shabbos. Mothers taught generations how to greet the Shabbos, how to enjoy her twenty-four hour presence. The father teaches Eish Shoyra, the black fire. The mother teaches Eish Levano, the white fire. The feel, the scent, the flavor, the warmth. We're one. Eish Ve Eishas Osem Klaaf. And each and every one of us, we're going through Yemei Svirah, and we're recabal Torah again, and we're going to have a lot of boimera yontav the celebration, the continuity of Torah today.

40:18 Don't ever forget what it is to each and every one of you. You are the foundation for your husbands, for your children, but you are much more than that. You are the sense, you are the flavor, you are the emotional, you are the feeling, you are the mussar. You are not the mussar vichah. You are the Torah simecha, and it says Shemabini. You have to listen to mussar vichah. Altitush, do not forsake Torah simecha. Baruch each and every one of us. We have a halakhi yantav of Lagbayimir, a halakhi yantav of Shluz, a halakhi yantav of Kabbalas Torah. But don't just go through the motions. Each and every one of you should be zoyche to live it with the flavor, with the scent of the Rav's rabbit mother, and should give that over to your children, to your husbands, to build a bias full of simcha and brachos.

41:34 We've shared the secret that many years ago in a base Medrashen Queens we learned together. It's been about twenty years. I don't know if what our reaction would have been if somebody would have come to us and said twenty years later we'd be here. But the emissary that I owe Cohen a tremendous debt of gratitude. Not only for the Torah that we learned in that time, but because of the conversation that we had in that kufa of our lives. Really, we were learning halacha together. We had a conversation about the. I don't even know if you remember this, about the nature of. Of plimyus haTora and the need for people in this generation to be learning a different type of Tora, and I was at that time coming from a—I would not say just a Litvish background, but a Minsknagdish background—and I was not interested in the world of Chassidus on any level. I didn't know what any of the words meant. I didn't know how to communicate those ideas or listen to them.

43:05 Rav Cohen was coming from a much more robust, rich background than this area, and he said, 'You should come with me to Shai Stern's house because there was a Rebbe who was coming who was not famous at the time, and he would come to Shai Stern's house, just a stone's throw away from here. And his name is Rav Ephraim Waxman, and there was maybe ten, fifteen of us sitting around the dining room table in Woodmere, with a refring Waxman. And I remember being so captivated and so taken in by the allness of that tyra, and in many ways, the journey that I've been on since then is'

44:02 So much different, perhaps, than the journey that I would have been on. My chavrusha and I shared with me a whole new world of Torah. Although it's taken us twenty years to get together to do this, it's certainly appropriate that we're here together on Matzei Shabbos, and especially a stone's throw away, within the fences of Eish Kodesh, where we sat so many times. Hearing of Weinberger share with us words of Torah. This word, though, pnimius hatira, is thrown around today. It's very often a misunderstood word. What does it mean? The inside Torah. A chaver of mine, also a very dear chaver of mine, and a tremendous talmuchachem, but somebody who's not moved by this type of Torah. He asked.

44:59 Said, I don't understand what this word "pnimias hatorah" means. What does it mean, "pnimias hatorah"? I know of Torah. I don't know "pnimias hatorah." What does "pnimias hatorah" mean? It's like people say a word today, and they go, "I'll share with you 'pnimias hatorah.'" Like say a Rashi, like is that "pnimias hatorah"? I grew up with Rashi. What's does it for it to be "pnimias hatorah"? Does there need to be a gematria? Does it need to be? Does it need to be a story, a beautiful story? But what constitutes, A rebbe and mevaseret said, "I want to share with you chesidah shemaisa." And then he told a story about the chovetz chaim. Is it called pnimiyas hatarif? It's from the gra. Is it called pnimiyas hatarif? It's from the chesam cipher. What makes something pnimiyas hatarif? Do you need to go to mikvah to learn pnimiyas hatarif? How long do your payas have to be in order to which she'er and yu do you have to go to for it to be considered pnimiyas hatarif? These are the questions that we're all wondering.

45:58 So I want to share with you some Tzimim and Satora to perhaps understand what this word means. And of course, we're in Matzah Shabbos. We're in Malavamalka, and though the hour is very late, my intention is not to speak for more than a couple of minutes, but we could still take with us some of the Torah that we learned this Shabbos to bridge the gap between this week and Lag BaOmer and the coming weeks. From Matan Torah, as Rav Kohn already mentioned, Lag BaOmer has the beginning of the Haschala, the Nitzayts already of Kabbalah. Satora is already present on Lag BaOmer, which is coming up. Habaliinu laTayva. So in this week's parsha, we see that it says Emor vaAmarta. I'm sure everybody heard a million drashos this Shabbos on Emor vaAmarta. Rashi says LaHazir Gedolam Alak Tani. We have. An obligation. The Kohanim have an obligation to teach their children that they can't become tamei meis. That they're Kohanim. There is something unique about them, and there is a double lashon of emor ve'amarta. What's the difference between emor ve'amarta? Listen to this word. The Baly Chassidus explained as follows: The Sefer Yitzira, which is one of the earliest, if not the earliest, Kabbalistic text that we have.

47:27 Says that there's three yosodis to everything in this world, esh mayim and ruach. Of course, we all grow up knowing that there's really not three yosodis. There's four yosodis. There's esh mayim, ruach, and offer. Moshe Cardevero, the Rama, one of the great mekubalim, explained that offer, the fourth yosod, the fourth fundamental element that makes up creation. Is not listed in Sefer Yetzirah because Sefer Yetzirah was expressing the revealed elements of this world, Eishmaim and Ruach. But Avar is the element that makes up all other elements, and so in Sefer Yetzirah it was only expressing the three elements of creation that we see. But of course, Avar is the

48:21 It's not the quintessential, but it's the essential element that makes up all other elements. There's a deeper element which we're not going to discuss tonight. But there's a deeper element called Huly. The Ramban mentions an element that even makes up Afar, but that's not for tonight. So listen to this. The Labavitcher Rebbe's Chusya Ganalenu speaks this out, but it's also in other places. That Emor is Rashi Teivos Eish Mayim and Ruach. And when Hakadosh Baruch Hu instructs the Kohanim to teach their children, he says, 'Emor, what do they have to teach? The halach. There is such a thing called halach. This is what we have to do. It's the revealed Torah. This is the will of God in a revealed fashion. But the transmission of Eish Mayim and Ruach has to come when you have not only Eish Mayim and Ruach, but there is Amarta, there is a Tav. What is that Tav adding?

49:19 So if you look at a tuff, it has three lines. Those three lines of a tuff represent machshava, dibur, and ma'isa, the three levushim, the three expressions. How we all express ourselves in this world through the way we think, the way we feel, the way we act. But in the middle of the tuff, there's a nakuda, a dot, and that nakuda represents two things. It's really two sides of the same coin. It represents anivus, humility, and it also represents the essence of all things. And that's really one movement because to be humble in Yiddishkeit doesn't mean to be self-effacing. It doesn't mean that a person walks around being a nothing. It means to be aligned with reality, the essence of all things. So humility and essence come together. Humility, the midah of anivus.

50:14 Is always associated with offer, like we say, 'venafshi ka'offer la'kol tiyeh.' So the letter Tav says that inside of the machshavah diber and ma'isa, there's an essential point that if we humble ourselves to this essential point, it's the revelation of the truth of a thing. That the machshavah diber and ma'isa are really expressions of oneself, but there's a self that's deeper than any of our expressions. So emor va'amarta means as follows. Emor is what I communicate to you. Amarta is expressing that which cannot possibly be expressed. It's a communication of something deeper. For example, I come in my life. I grew up five minutes from here, in a place called Harborview. Some people are from Lawrence, so I grew up in Harborview.

51:12 Regular five towns kid. I went to Haftir until I was expelled from Haftir, and then you grow up in a home. My parents are balei tshuva. They're wonderful people. My father never had the opportunity to go to yeshiva, so my father never really learned the black gemara. It's not because he doesn't love Hashem. He does. He just didn't grow up with the same kalim that he gave to me. I'm so blessed that my parents sacrificed so much to become lovers of Hakadosh Baruch Hu in the way that they did. But I grew up in a home where my father used to say, "A little learning never hurts," so let's learn as little as possible. This is my rebellion, and yet I grew up in a home.

52:07 Where I knew that my parents loved Hashem very much, and I'll share with you. I think I was thinking about it. When was the first time that I saw some expression of the essence in my home? So now, when you come to Eretz Yisrael, you land from a beautiful dreamliner onto the tarmac of Eretz Yisrael and you come right into Ben Gurion, which is a palace. I'm old enough to remember when the physical plane itself was not, certainly as comfortable as it can be today. The stewardesses more or less haven't changed, but the seats were much less comfortable back then. And it used to be that you deplaned not into a

53:03 Not into a tunnel that takes you right into the airport, but it used to be. Do you remember? We used to go down the stairs, and we used to get off on the hot tarmac of Eretz Yisrael. And I was eight years old, and it was my first time ever going to Eretz Yisrael. And my father is leading us down the stairs, and you're carrying your carry-ons, and I'm a very little boy. And my father gets down on his hands and knees, and he kisses the ground of Eretz Yisrael. And he says to me, "This is what we do when we come to Eretz Yisrael. We kiss the ground of Eretz Yisrael." We got down and we kissed the ground of Eretz Yisrael. I think today, if I am not incorrect, I think when they bring the nefesh benefesh flights, and they don't bring them to the tarmac, they don't bring them to the area that we have. You still get off and you kiss the ground of Eretz Yisrael. The nefesh benefesh flights, I think, still have that. But chaval, that we have such a modern airport, chaval that we have such an updated airport.

54:01 You girls, when you came to Eretz Yisrael, I imagine it would be very strange if you kissed that metal runway they have. It's not because it's not sanitary, just because it would be a strange thing to do. A child grows up seeing his father kiss the ground of Eretz Yisrael. It communicates not the halacha; it communicates the essential point of the halacha. It tells us that there's a commander behind the commandment. I think today that Baruch Hashem we're doing a much better job trying to communicate these things. I remember when I was in high school, I went to Rambam. I don't know if any of you have ever been in Rambam, but the shul in Rambam downstairs in the old before they moved the buildings, so there was like a wall, but the wall had

54:59 Had these sort of crooked slats, and so you wanted to get a seat against the wall so that during davening you could fall asleep. But you didn't want to get a seat that was by the crooked slats because then it's like you want a seat on the plane that's right next to the wall of the plane. You don't want to sit by the window where you're sort of falling into the window. So you have to get the right seat. So I was very machved to come early to davening so that I could get the right seat so that I could fall right asleep. And I was always on time, so I got a good grade. And we, chaver, were talking during davening. I had a very sweet rebbe, and I don't remember when we were talking. It could be we were talking even in the middle of Shmona Esra. I don't remember bichla. And the rebbe came over with the sefer because there are some rebbeim who snap at you. Do you know this move? Like when people are talking, they think it's a good idea to I'm sorry, I should serve Hashem. I apologize.

55:56 As if that's somehow going to work. So this Rebbe was a very good Rebbe. He was a very sweet man. We pusher tortured him, and he came over with a sefer, one of these like tefilas for him. And I remember he sat me down and he said to me, Matt, I grew up as Matt Berg. He said, I don't know if you know, but it's usher to speak during davening at this time. And as a 15-year-old machutzuf, I looked at him. I said, You know what's sad? You really think that this is going to help? You really think? Like you think the problem is that I don't know that it's usher to talk in davening at this time. The problem is not that I don't know it's usher to talk during davening. The problem is if you've been paying attention, I haven't been davening. And why should I daven? And I wasn't. It wasn't like a why should I daven? I don't believe in God thing. It was like I'm just not holding in that space in my life. And what I was really saying, and maybe I didn't have the words to articulate it back then, is

56:51 I'm just not going to read the words of a book every single day. I'm just not going to do that. There was a failure on a systemic level, and I think probably a lot of us grew up with this. We did an awesome job at communicating, the amar, all the halachas, all the gemaras, the to learn lamdas. I grew up with all of those things. The thing that I was missing was the rabbinical one, which seems to be important if you're speaking about a religion with a god, and there was no communication of that whatsoever. There was no seeing a father get down and kiss the tarmac, and the everyday experience of Yiddishkeit in my life. I wonder if Cohen was reading from Rassalovitchik before. There's this experience today of Rassalovitchik as this like cerebral God, who came up with these massive chedushim. But if you speak to the talmidim that were there, the sheir was alive. There was a vibrancy. There was a passion. There was a clear communication of a mesora that they were learning.

57:51 A Rashi, but they were with Rashi himself in the She'er. When we speak about Penimias Atayra, what we mean to say is the communication of the essence of the matter. I once heard from Muvheinberger that he said that a couple came to his office. A couple came to his office and they were fighting. And Rav Weinberger was making shalom. And whatever was going on in their lives, and no matter what the husband said about all the things that he was doing for his wife, she wasn't happy with it. It wasn't working. And finally, Reb Weingraber turned to the wife and he said, "What are you looking for? What's your husband not doing? He seems to be a great guy. He's making a parnasah, and he's taking the kids to school, and he's doing carpel, and he's changing the light bulbs, and all the things. What's bothering you so much?" And she said to him, "Rabbi, I didn't marry him to take out the garbage. I married him because of the way that he looked at me under the chuppah. And when's the last time that he looked at me that way? In other words, in the halacha shabu, he was a phenomenal husband.

59:19 This is what a husband needs to do. He did a great job, but the pneuma of the marriage was missing. It's like so many of us that we show up to daven. I was feeling today. I'm exhausted. I was traveling from Eretz Yisrael. I was davening today. At some point in my davening, I was like I'm efa ani ba ulam right now. Like I'm poshut not like I'm not in it. And there was a chalishus of like I was in a good place, and now I feel like maybe I'm not. And then I was like, you get in your head and you look. You lose sight of what you're doing. You lose sight of who you're communicating with. You do an excellent job doing what you're supposed to. You do a sometimes less of a good job communicating with the people that you love. When we speak about panimiyas ha'tyra, when we speak about the feminine role in tyra, as Rav Kohn said so beautifully, when we speak about the feminine role of tyra, what we often mean is the.

1:00:14 And again, this is not Chassid Shalom to say that one is more or less important than the other. Of course, I don't mean that, and I don't think anyone thinks that I mean that. But when we speak about the feminine role of Taira, what we mean to say is that feminine need to communicate the point of essence that exists. That a man could be very happy in theory doing what he's supposed to do. Give him a job, and he could do the job. But my wife always reminds me, and she's always like, 'But let's not lose sight of the essential point that we're trying to communicate to each other, to our children, in our lives, to our communities.' The whole vort of Rabbi Shimon of looking on the inside, of seeing what Torah is really about. It's not chas v'shalom to say on any level, and this needs to be expressed today because I think there's a movement today.

1:01:08 Pneumias without the chitzonias. There is a little bit of a, but I sometimes you should know I am so deeply connected. It has to translate into action. Just because you love your wife very much or you love your husband very much, it's a nice thing to say. But we also have to do carpool. Imagine a wife says to her husband, I asked you to do so many things today, you didn't do any of them. He looks at her and he goes, don't you know how much I love you? That's a beautiful sentiment. The pnimius requires the chitznius. The chitznius requires the pnimius, as Rav Kohn said. The black fire, the white fire—it's all one zakh. But the insight of Lag BaOmer, the pnimius of Kabbalah Satora—it comes before Kabbalah Satora, not because it's just a prelude. It's not just an introduction to a book, but it's the essence of the thing that in seventeen days.

1:02:02 Will culminate afterwards in the expression of the revealed Torah, but the essential point already comes beforehand. It's the Torah shvuas birthed from Lag Baomer. It's nurtured from Lag Baomer. There's a point of essence where everything flows from. There's a redemptive element that's happening in the world today, and it's a good thing that's happening. That we're no longer satisfied with just the chitzonius, and it's this revolution that's happening. If you're paying attention, and I think people are, it's happening on a global level. It started, of course, as it always does with the kids. The kids inspire the adults in so many ways. The kids rebelled in a very holy way, and they said, "We're not going to do this anymore." And it required rebayim to rethink the way that we teach. It required shul rabbis to rethink the way that they spoke.

1:02:59 From the pulpit, there was a time in our lives, when we were growing up, it was a normal thing for a rabbi to get up and give a political discourse on what was happening in America in front of the Aron Kodesh. And because of this revolution, we were no longer satisfied with our abanim being that way. We wanted somebody to talk to us about real things and about Hashem. And so new rabbanim came into the world, and they taught a generation of educators that are now educating you. And blessed Hashem, you'll do the same for your children. There's a sense now that we need to communicate something deeper. And these kids that are saying, "I'm not going to daven unless you tell me who I'm davening to," they're right. They deserve to be listened to. They deserve to be validated and affirmed. And we have Baruch Hashem in so many ways advanced the chinuch.

1:03:48 You have the old school, like sort of like anger that sometimes you hear. Like, yes, but kids these days don't know as much. Congratulations, you've made an excellent point. But, Lamais, you know what they do know? They do know that they won't be satisfied with just knowing something without knowing what it's for. Yiddishkeit is not a utility. It's not a checklist. It's a relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and that relationship has to have the pneumias. If it doesn't have the pneumias, so then, what are we doing? Just because you're a good boy or a good girl who could do the right things in high school and get into the right seminary, and then go to the right place afterwards and get the right degree in whatever therapy that is, each one to their one has their own therapy. That they, I met a girl this Shabbos that didn't say therapy. I was in a spall for, I was like, wow, is what a creative soul.

1:04:42 Every other person that I met was an occupational therapist, a physical therapist, an aqua therapist, which is really a lifeguard, and a horse therapist. Used to be we went horseback riding in West Hampstead. I didn't know that there was like a therapy for it. And that poor horse. Imagine that horse going to therapy, saying all day long, 'I have to hold these people's problems.' Like it's a. So somebody's able to do the right thing. Somebody's able to say, 'I did the right thing,' and that's considered somehow a success. As if the person who's struggling and who's searching for something deeper is not equally, or perhaps more, of a success. It's a distorted way of thinking. And Baruch Hashem, a lot has changed, and Baruch Hashem, it'll continue to change. This movement of not of doing and achieving, but of being and becoming.

1:05:39 It's not only in our community. It's not only here in Woodmere and in Eretz Yisrael, in Jerusalem. It's in the entire world. If you look at the world today, the world is changing. People are asking themselves, what is the value of this ambition that we have? And it's true that on the one hand, we see that people are building bigger things and fancier things, and there seems to be this incredible expression of chizainius in the world. But there's also like a snapback that's occurring because all these people that are building these monstrosities. All seem to be very empty and are coming and searching and saying, 'What's it all for? What are we looking for? What are we moving towards?' There's this movement on the part of their children. That I was sitting with someone today, mamsh today, and he told me he said this son that I had, he's the one that took the most unique path. I don't want to give away too many details, but I can tell you he didn't go to yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael, and then when he didn't go to yeshiva, but he did go to some sort of program in Eretz Yisrael, and then from that program he went to.

1:06:36 One yeshiva and that yeshiva didn't work, and he was only there for a couple of months, and then he went to a different yeshiva, and Lameis is sitting and learning in Beit Har now, and he's been sitting and learning in Beit Har for the last three and a half years. And I was talking to his father today, and his father said, 'Yeah, he'll probably be learning there for the rest of his life.' And this kid was the failure of the family, and all the other kids that were the good kids that went to the right yeshivas, like they're all looking at their brother now, and their brother has something that they didn't have because he took a completely different path. There was a snapback. He was in that place, and from that place there was a lack. And from that lack, there was a revelation of the essence, and from that revelation of the essence, there was an explosion of taira, and that makes sense. That's the way it always is. So be as Hashem, and I'll finish with this. My bracha to everybody is to continue doing what you're doing, which is working, and it's changing the community, and it's changing our families. And we look around; the revolution has not only already been successful; the tidal wave of this revolution has already.

1:07:34 Already hit its peak and is now coming crashing down, and it's a beautiful thing to see. And we owe you so much, Hakarasatov. The fact that at eleven, almost eleven twenty at night on the Matzei Shabbos, we have a room full of people that are saying, "We want more. We're not satisfied. We want to understand our role. We want to understand our place. Your place is to give the essence of all things to the world. And if you're married to a man who expresses himself in the revealed way, then it's your job to give over the Masora, not necessarily of the rules of the relationship, but of the essence of the relationship. When you marry a woman, you don't know what you're getting. Even though I knew my wife for many years before we got married, which I'm not allowed to say publicly, but I somehow do anyway. You don't really know what you're getting. You don't know what it's going to look like."

1:08:31 I want to share with you something in my house that I think my children will be talking about in thirty, forty years from now. Every year of Shabbos, I enjoy it's my favorite part. Every year of Shabbos, I have now. Only two kids left that are small. I have an eight year old, though she's very macker that I say almost nine. She's eight and three quarters now. I'm forty two and three quarters now. So we stop counting at a certain point. So I have an eight-year-old and a six-year-old, and there's a little niggin that my wife sings with them before candle lighting, and it starts off with like a little cheer. It's like a little color war cheer. She says Are we ready? And they go Yes, we are. And she did it with all the kids growing up. She says Are we ready? And they go Yes, we are. She goes For what? And they go For naros. And they sit there and they watch my wife light, and it takes quite some time, and they're waiting.

1:09:29 They're waiting to get their Shabbos treat. They're waiting to go next door to the rich family where they hang out every Friday night. For those of you that know the riches, I share a wall with the riches, and Rav Rafi lives right across the street. So there's a little chevrah of all these children that have been growing up together. This like seminary yeshiva bubble type thing. Mrs. Yudin is one block up, so her kids are up the stairs.

1:10:00 I wonder if in thirty years from now, my children will be telling the story of "Are we ready?" That there was an avirah in the home around Neros, of watching a mother who sat and davened for her children every single week. It could be that at the Shabbos table, I'll say a דבר תורה, and maybe there'll be some level of sophistication to it. But I promise you this: if my children, blessed Hashem, come out, and so far, seems okay so far. I have one daughter who's married, and she is from. I have another daughter who's two from. She, blessed Hashem, will have her own journey, though it seems to be that I am the kai for a modern Orthodox father. But perhaps group therapy will happen at a different time. But if my children end up being anything, I promise you this: it won't necessarily because of the sophistication of the darter that I sat at the Shabbos table, but it'll because there was a mother who made their house.

1:10:57 A fun place where there was Yerushalmiim and Ruchnius and the Pnimius of Shabbos. If my children ask me what the halacha of Shabbos is, perhaps I can tell them. But if my children want to know what the majesty of Shabbos is, that I think is something they'll certainly have learned from their mother. And my bracha to you is that you do that for your children, to give over the Pnimius of Yiddishkeit in such a way that we can communicate it to the next generation. So I think we have a couple of questions. Who're you moderating? What a wonderful thing. So I think just a couple of questions that we'll try to answer. Thank you. That much is it here? Ms. No. So this topic is that bad that we're going to say the same thing? It's not. Baruch Hashem, that's how it should be.

1:11:56 This question says, "Can you still do complete teshuva if you have never, and hopefully will never, be put in the same or similar situation of a particular avodah again? How do you overcome the guilt, shame, regret that you still feel that because you will never be in that situation again?" You feel like there is something still lacking in your full teshuva, and what are the actual practical steps in overcoming not just the regret, but the shame in a particular avodah, and finally letting go, particularly when you will likely never feel that sense of doing complete teshuva. I can read that again. We got it. I think I understand.

1:12:50 I'm sure if Cohen will say something more profound. So I'll just say something very quickly. I think there's an emuna that we have to have that the Rambam tells us that complete tshuva occurs when the situation happens again. So that means that it will happen again, but we don't always know what happens again means. So sometimes we think like, I'm not going to be 16 years old in Haftar again. What does that mean? Are we going to have the opportunity to do tshuva for that thing? I don't know. I don't know when we say that you're going to be in that place in that time and it's going to happen again. I don't know if it means perhaps what we thought it meant growing up, which is going to be exactly the same. But it does seem to me that we repeat that which we don't repair, and that life gives us many opportunities to repair.

1:13:48 And if you pay attention to the pneuma of what's happening, it could be that you are being presented with that situation again, albeit with different external trappings. First of all, I would say that ani mamim be'muna shleima. That when the Rambam says we have the opportunity to do complete tshuva, that we'll have the opportunity to do complete tshuva, and it's our responsibility to pay attention that this new thing that came up is really the old thing. It's a new thing. It's an old thing. It's back then. It was in this relationship. Now it's in this relationship. Back then it was in Lawrence or in Woodmere, and now it's in Beit Shemesh or Yerushalayim. But it's also Eisai Makom Eisai Zman. It's just wearing different clothing. In terms of the shame, I just want to say this. I think it's been said many times before, and I can just say very quickly, shame. Shame on the one hand is getting a bad rap today.

1:14:46 And that's not a good thing. And on the other hand, shame is also exceptionally destructive today. Perhaps now more than ever. So the opportunity Rav Kohn set up that now somebody who I hope to become a chaver with this fellow Menachem Posnansky who you sent my way. He spoke recently on the idea of shame being something that helps a person move forward. That when we are uncomfortable with something that's happening inside of us, that's a good thing. That tells us that we might be betraying our highest values. That this might not be the greatest expression of self, and that uncomfortable feeling is okay. Today there's this feeling I can't deal with anything uncomfortable. It's not true. We are exceptionally resilient. We're exceptionally big. We can deal with uncomfortable feelings. And so if you're doing something and you feel like

1:15:42 Wow, this is not great. So then, good. That's a good thing. It's an inner communication. But as Rebbetzin Brené Brown has taught us, what most of us are doing is associating our actions with our inner self, and we're saying, 'I am that bad thing that I did.' And so, there's a toxic shame that exists in the world today, which is: I am unworthy of love and connection because of this avera that I did, and that is, of course, destroying people. It's destroying people of all ages. It's destroying the elderly. It's destroying middle-aged people. It's certainly destroying kids. This notion has forced rabbis and teachers to rethink the way we speak about halacha. Of course, we should speak about halacha in a way where we're definitive, but at the same time to speak about halacha in a way that creates space for imperfection.

1:16:38 And an inner sense of compassion for those that have not done exactly what they should. Baruch Hashem, another revolution that's happening today is that rabbim and teachers are presenting themselves as more human to their talmidim, to their talmidot. Whereas perhaps when you and I grew up, the feeling was our rabbim never did any averas, which is, of course, it wasn't true back then. But that was the communication that occurred. Any kid that did an avera felt like, okay, I'm not perfect like my rabbi. And it was a toxic sense of shame that's exceptionally destructive. I remember very well a Talmud who's now Baruch Hashem a person in Kiruv. I remember when he said to me he was crying. He said I'll never be able to go into Chinuch or Kiruv, which was his dream. It was embarrassing enough for him to be able to say that his dream was to go into Chinuch or Kiruv. That's not a simple thing for an eighteen-year-old boy to say. But he got it out. He was crying that he'll never be able to do it because he ate Burger King. He once ate Burger King.

1:17:35 So he said, "I'll never be able to go on to Chinuch because I hate Burger King," and my Rebbeim never did an avera, let alone eat Burger King. And I wanted to share with him, "I know your Rebbeim, and I remember when one of your Rebbeim went to McDonald's, which I think, from what I understand, tastes more delicious than Burger King. I've never had either." But there was a sense that my father used to tell me White Castle was better than all of them. But the, well, no. There's a sense today that I'm a terrible person because I didn't have ira, and that of course is not true. It's for sure mavurah in the Rambam. There's many riyas to this, and it's spoken out clearly in the Rabeinu Yona and Chari Tshuva that tshuva is a process. That incomplete tshuva is also a very partial meaningful tshuva, and that until a person has had the opportunity to complete tshuva, there by derech and that derech towards tshuva is a very meaningful thing.

1:18:29 To whoever the questioner was, I just want to share with you that number one, in time you'll have your opportunity to complete tshuva, and number two, until you have your opportunity to complete tshuva, you're on the path towards tshuva, which is not nothing. And number three, stop it! Don't do that! You're already beautiful. You're already wonderful. The imperfection is already giving birth to exceptional light. The fact that you asked the question is a siman of how much tshuva has already happened. Please treat yourself kindly and gently, and with compassion as you go through this process. Just be myself a little bit. All everything Reuvenberg said, Emesh ba mito. Go backwards because you ended. I want to continue with that episode of shame because I think that's something that all of us connect to on some level.

1:19:23 And it's easier to understand the answer to that question as a parent, but as children, you'll understand as well. And that is when you're a parent, you have unconditional love for each child. Children mess up. Children make mistakes. Parents make mistakes. But there's such deep ava, such deep love that a child makes a mistake. They're the quickest people in this world that you forgive and forget with a moment, like it never even happened. Because it's such deep love, ava she'natolay bedaver, and that's a father to a child, a mother to a child to a parent, the same way. You all know your parents have also made mistakes. I've made many mistakes in my life to my children, and I know the such ava that's so deep that it's so quickly forgiven, forgotten, and therefore we have to believe in how the avisher loves us. The avisher is avina shebashamayim; he's our taten hemel.

1:20:22 He's not just a melech and a dai, and he's our father. He loves each and every one of us so deeply. And yes, we mess up. And yes, it's important we're bishanim, and it's important to use shame in a proper way to grow. But that's it, and then drop it. When it's unhealthy, it means we're not believing that, because if we truly believed Hashem loved us so much, so he's forgiven and forgotten. He's moved on. Hashem loves you. Shem loves you more than we could ever understand what love is. It's over, finished. That's number one. Although that's the most important thing in the world. If we all came together for that tonight, I think it would be well worth the whole evening to just remember that because we forget that at times we all do. As far as the Rambam, just Aviel David Mchayim explaining two other ways that maybe Mefarshim explain the Rambam.

1:21:21 First of all, the Drashas Aran explains within the Rambam. He explains that the Rambam, when he talks about tshuva gemurah, is not necessarily talking about reaching a level of tshuva. He talks about levels of tshuva, and you don't need tshuva gemurah to have complete forgiveness from what was done wrong. When he talks about tshuva gemurah, if you read the Drashas Aran, it's an understanding of we have two elements of tshuva. There is tshuva to get rid of the avera as if it's never happened before, and that one can do without that level of tshuva gemurah being in the exact same circumstance. You don't need to be ba'osu malkom ba'osu ish posa. You don't need to be in that. You moved on. You felt bad. You regretted. You've not done it. Azivas achid tshuva in every level as if it never happened. Wiped away. Tshuva gemurah is a level of also the tshuva that's a mitzvah of gaining also positive credits.

1:22:13 Most often, we don't have shame from not having a positive group. We have a lot of mitzvahs we could do. So you didn't do that extra level of mitzvah necessarily. Perhaps it doesn't mean you can't completely wipe away the avera without that. Very important to know the halacha completely. And there is also another understanding in the Rambam. Even though the Rambam says it's specific and you have to be, and I believe Rabbi Berg said it's kodesh kedushin that we don't always understand the situations we're in, and that's for sure true. But even if not, one can reach a level where you've reached the level, what you where you've moved on from what you've done, that if you would have been put in that situation, you wouldn't do it again. You've modeled it, you've lived it, and the we might not know that and be able to prove it. The rabbi Nisholim does, and therefore that's also Teshuva Gamura, like the Rambam said. Bafarshim explained this in the Rambam. That's also a level of Teshuva Gamura. I've left it, and I'm on that level already. But I'll say one more thing.

1:23:11 Stop playing God. We don't play the Rebbeinu Sholom. A bunch of him loves us. We have no idea. We have Baruch Hashem, and we have great tzaddikim that we follow and we learn from, and how to do tshuva and how. But ultimately, stop playing God. The Rebbeinu Sholom, yes, the only one that judges and understands is the Rebbeinu Sholom. And trust me, you move on, and you're the best person you could be. You're going to be in all the palaces in Shamayim, and the Rebbeinu Sholom is having such nachas ruach. We don't have to play God of every intricate detail. We get sometimes caught up in those details. Who are we to know? Hashem will judge everybody as they are in their way in their mud. Just be the best we could be. Just be the best we could be in every way, and we're good to go.

1:24:06 I feel that I've done all the style lessons to do for dating. I've been davening, but I feel that my tules are not being answered. I often have lost kevada now because I feel that if they were really powerful, then they would be working. I'm sure many other people are feeling this way. How do you push through and keep davening and working on your tules during the challenge? And what else is there to do? Just learn. You go first. The hard questions I give to him first. First of all, I feel for you. We're sitting here. We're married. The tukufa of dating is a hard tukufa. My heart goes out to that time in one's life. It's a time of confusion and a time of yearning. It's a time when you feel you could be doing everything you're supposed to be doing, and usually most of life, we want to always be in control, and most things in our life we are. So we might not live up to who we want to be always, but ultimately I'm in control of that. When it comes to shidduchim, we're completely not in control. I give you all this that I'm davening day and night. I've met with.

1:25:26 Every shadchan I'm supposed to meet with, I've done. My parents are doing their shadl. Everyone's doing shadl's. We're doing everything, and I'm sitting here, and I'm still single, and I've done everything I'm supposed to be doing. And that's hard. That's not easy. So first of all, I just my heart goes out because it's hard. It is hard. Let's stop there. It's hard. That being said, we got to be mechazik or amuna. We have a Garmona that Hashem is by our side, and Hashem knows what's best for us. And Kol Ma'adav Ruchmano L'Tavavid, and Hashem knows the proper person. And Hashem knows the proper time. Maybe he's not ready yet. You think you're ready? Maybe he's not ready yet. Maybe he's working. Maybe that person's perfect for you is still working and perfecting himself, and he's stuck in something, and he's not ready yet. And embrace this time right now.

1:26:23 And that means maybe you're not ready. You think you're ready, but maybe you're not ready. Maybe there's more that you have to perfect within yourself as an individual before you can complement yourself with somebody else by your side. Embrace that time. It's important to embrace that time. There's different kufos in our life. Every time is very beautiful and wonderful. And of course, we want that manucha znefesh to know because it's so scary, and we know of older singles and all that. I feel for that. It's real. But at the same time, if I'm not yet, that means there's more for me to work on as an individual and embrace that. Be productive in that, and live that, and love that. There's a lot one could do as an individual, as a single person, that you can't do when you're married. You can't do that. I just recently saw it was Rvaledin's Yeretz. I saw a one minute clip of him. He's talking on dating, and he's talking about for example, when it comes to people who are sick in hospitals, and sometimes they need people to sleep over nights with them, little children, whatever. You can't do that when you're married. Embrace this time in your life.

1:27:17 Every time in our life should be productive and meaningful. But as far as tefillah goes, the world runs on tefillah. We see this from the Sheshes Me'abrejishes. Rashi at the beginning of Abrejishes tells us this when it comes to the vegetation of the world. I and Shem, the world runs on tefillah, and Hashem is waiting for our tefillahs. And it could be we're davening very seriously with a lot of kavanah, and maybe it's just not enough yet, and don't stop. Just because it hasn't been answered, don't stop davening. Don't stop davening. Believe in the Kohechot Tefila. Don't stop. Who knows when it's going to be that right time? Moshe Rabbeinu also wanted something. He wanted ten tefilas for all. And of course, any daven. How many? He davened very famously. How many tefilas? Everyone in Chavurah knows five or fifteen tefilas, right? A peschan, a gematria peschan, a gematria tefila, gematria shira. He davened, davened. Hashem said, "Al toisif, don't continue." You know why he said, "Al toisif"? He wasn't meant. That wasn't meant for him. Bez Hashem. I'm a koyin. I can give brachos. This is my parsha amor. Every one of you.

1:28:16 Every one of you is going to be zayicha to a beautiful shirach. Every one of you, the most incredible shirach, and you'll understand then why you had to wait a little bit for this person because it was well worth it. But Moshe Rabbeinu wasn't supposed to go in, but tefillah worked so strongly, Hashem has to tell him al tois v'ladaber, like don't continue, because if he would have continued, that would have been the next field he would have gotten in, and if he would have gotten in, see, the Shulam explains he would have been in Eretz Yisrael, he would have built a base, a mikdash that couldn't be destroyed, and we would have been destroyed. It was all mei nashvaim. It was all kol matav v'chol matav v'bit. Hashem says, "Stop davening," but He doesn't tell us to stop davening; just don't stop davening. Don't stop davening, and it's going to come a time. Your tefillah is just don't stop davening, don't stop with amuna, don't stop being productive at this point in your life. You'll see the simcha zor and bedima berinik saru b'ez Hashem es barach b'ez Hashem b'charev mamish.

1:29:20 Baruch Hashem, we live in a community that prioritizes family, and in the world today, family is becoming less and less important. We don't believe in that. We believe that family is the most important thing. So from the time that you're a little girl, you grow up wanting to be a kallah, wanting to have a chasna, wanting to spend your life with somebody. My daughter got married a couple months ago, and they took us to a place to take pictures. In Israel, you could take beautiful pictures. There are so many beautiful places to go. So they took us to some small moshav outside of Beit Shemesh, and there was a little girl there, a five year old Israeli girl, not from an Orthodox family, and she saw my daughter wearing what a kallah wears, and she said to her mother.

1:30:17 Do you think I could meet the Kala? She was a celebrity, and the mother said something to me, and I said, "My daughter," and my daughter was like, "Of course," and she sat with this tiny little girl, and she gave her a hug and a bracha, and it was a beautiful mixture of communities, but one family coming together. I saw the gaguim in this little girl's eyes that one day I'm gonna be a Kala. It's in Ramat Beit Shemesh, on Purim, girls have. They can dress up for Purim as anything they want to, so they all dress up as cows. It's every little girl is a cow, and so of course, when it comes time, and especially because some people have made their living off of creating a tremendous amount of fear in the system, which is a terrible thing that's happened, where we mamish poured fear into the water. So there's a tremendous amount of pain as we wait for.

1:31:17 For the opportunity to build this family that we value so much, without getting into anything else, I just want to say this: if you have a choice between leaving that pain or listening to that pain, I would strongly encourage you to listen to that pain, because there is an exceptional amount of beauty that exists in that pain, and if you can be okay, which is a hard thing to do, to pay attention to the pain and what it's saying, the messages that are in that pain are stunning. The messages are, I have gahguim to raise a family, I have gahguim to share myself with another, to give all of myself to another, to express myself in that way, to create that level of belonging, not just connection but belonging, and there's so much beauty in that desire, and if you run away from that pain.

1:32:13 And you live in that space of fear. That's a deeply unattractive place to be. Attraction happens within ourselves. People who live in a space of fear are very unattractive. And sometimes we show up to a date so afraid, so much pain that we haven't listened to and paid attention to. It's impossible to create space for somebody else. The opposite is true. When someone pays attention to that pain and they lean into the discomfort of that pain, and they realize about themselves how lit up they are—that beautiful desire to share their life with another—then it creates a hope that's born from pain, which is a very beautiful type of hope. And it means that the next date that you go on, you're showing up present. You're showing up available because you've really worked through those feelings.

1:33:05 And tefillah can be a wonderful way to express that pain, coming to Hakadosh Baruch Hu with a sense, even of anger, of frustration, and saying, 'This is really hard, and I'm really lonely, and I'm watching my friends move on, and they're moving on sometimes in such a way that feels like I'm left behind by myself.' And coming to the Rebbeinu Shalom and saying those really difficult things, and allowing yourself to feel them physically. And then listening to the beauty in that pain creates an opportunity to create real connections. So that when you do meet the person that best Hashem, you'll spend the rest of your life with, which will, God willing, be a healthy and enduring marriage. You can come to that relationship aware of what's going on inside of yourself. And isn't that something that you would want to bring into a relationship? I want you to know everybody's waiting to get married until they get married, and then the next phone call that Rav Kohn and I get is, 'Whoa, this is really hard.'

1:34:03 And tell those girls that are single, don't run so fast to this. It's not so simple living with these boys. They're a very different species than you. I had a boy call me up once, and he said to me, and he's a sweetheart. He's like mamish, like a real tzaddik of a boy. And he's like, Rebbe, living with girls is really hard. I was like, yeah. And he goes, no, Rebbe. She pays attention to everything. It's like I've been living in dorms for years. Nobody ever made a comment about anything that I did. I am like, oh yeah, this whole section of the species is very aware of what's happening. And I want you to know that most men go through life and they have no idea what's going on around them. And sometimes you see these wives are saying to their husbands, did you see what just happened? He's like, what just happened? Is it coming out of a dream-like state?

1:34:56 And the women don't understand. I ask them to pick up his socks. What is like? Why can't he do that? Why is he constitutionally incapable of putting socks in a hamper? And the same husband is like, I'm not sure why she's upset at me. Did she tell you that she wants the socks in the hamper? I think she mentioned something like that. He's bechelal not aware of what's even going on. So we're getting that second phone call of like the girls are all running like, Rebbe, it's so hard. But then we get the next phone call, which is it's also so hard. It's all hard. But if you'll be present within yourself, which I do think is a real avodah sata Tefillah, it opens up many pathways. And when Rebbe is saying, "Don't stop davening," I don't think that he means only to be like in Shamayim. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is waiting for that next Tefillah. It's a Tefillah something that shapes who we are. And so, of course your pain is valid. Of course it's understandable, but it's also exceptionally beautiful. And I hope that you continue to grow from that pain.

1:35:58 As someone who went to seminary and came back being inspired, and on the other side high, I found that I begin realizing the working field is extremely easy to fall into the traps and the nourish kite of the and the gashmius of this crazy world. Sometimes I'd even say that the Utahira makes me feel comfortable and not want me to get out of it. Any advice on how to work through this? Switch off. I'm following your lead. I'm good either way. Following your lead. There was a ma'aseh with Rivka of Kamenetsky and his wife when they went to leave a chasna, so Rivka said to his wife, "When would the Rebbezim like to leave?" So she said, "Whenever the Rosh Yeshiva wants to leave." So Rivka said, "I want to leave whenever the Rebbezim wants to leave."

1:36:50 And they went back and forth like this many times until finally the Rebbe was like, "Have at in twenty minutes." And he was like, "Okay." Like it was, I feel like you and I'll be Rivka's wife. You could be Rivka. So when I went to seminary and I was inspired. First of all, I just want to say something. I've said it a number of times publicly, but I'm going to continue to say it. It's not a nice thing that I am going to say, but I think it's true, and I am going to say it until Hashem something changes. And I think that Rebbe and I know both. I don't know if he agrees, but I think he agrees because I see him living it. We have not done enough for you girls as a community. I don't think we've even done close to enough. A boy comes back from yeshiva and he comes back to America, and there is a tremendous amount of infrastructure for his continued growth.

1:37:43 He can continue on to yeshiva and fabregians and tishes and basketball and rebayim and mashpiim and mashkichim, and there's a tremendous amount of opportunity. And I don't think we've done enough. And I'm sorry, and I know that it's wrong, and it's not fair. And yes, it's true that people have different roles, but la niestaiti we haven't done enough. And if you're feeling like I was on a high in seminary, it's because in seminary you are getting the investment that, frankly, you deserve and that you need. And that when you come back to America and you don't have that infrastructure and you're feeling this way, it makes sense. Person wants to eat healthy. They should go out to the store and they should put lettuce or kale. I don't try to eat this food, but there's a

1:38:34 It seems to me that green. I like to eat brown meat, but it seems that green will do better things for you. So our wives are again telling us that. My wife is a very healthy swimmer, so I'm the yin yang in this marriage. Trying to balance out. I don't eat the food that my wife eats. So that's my policy. I think if you're frustrated and you're not feeling inspired, I think that makes sense. I don't know if it should be exactly like the boys, or what type of infrastructure it should be, but it's certainly true that girls are coming unmasked to shiurim like this, and there's a reason. It's because there's a tzamalachanavshi that's occurring, and people are thirsting for something more, and we haven't provided it. Having said that, I feel badly that this is the situation that we're in, but the only thing I can share with you is that eventually this happens to everybody. We don't get to stay in the bubble of yeshivas and seminaries our entire life.

1:39:31 And there is a gravitational pull that life has, and to the degree that we make investments in ourselves, those investments will pay off. Baruch Hashem, there are, though it's not formalized, a lot of opportunities for growth. There are a ton of shiurim online, and you're going to have to do this for yourselves until somebody does it for you, until somebody comes and does it right. But until such time, it's your responsibility to make chaburos amongst yourselves. To get connected with people with families of girls that have gone through the seminary system and are a little bit older, and to make those types of chavrusas, quote unquote, and to invest in yourself. I want you to know that I've said to the boys very publicly that I think that a man's taira is very important, and it's important for the boys to know that their wife's taira is also very important. It's a balance and it's a balancing act and it's not simple.

1:40:28 And Baruch Hashem, there is a chabura of women in Beit Shemesh, and their husbands stay home once a week, and these women have shiurim at night, and it's a beautiful thing that these husbands are saying, "This night, I'll learn on the phone, bechavrusa, so that my wife can go out." It's not fair to raise a girl in the educational system that we have today. I am sorry, I am ranting. It's not fair to raise a girl in the educational system that we have today, where girls, Baruch Hashem, are intelligent, and we're giving them an intelligent chinuch. And then at nineteen years old, we go. I'm sorry, no more learning for you. And somehow, the inspiration that was born of all of those years of serious learning is pulled out from under the rug, and we say, and now go and do it as if it's nothing. My wife is a real learner. She really is. She prepares shiurim. She's like a rasha shiva. She sits there with tons of sparim, and she's sitting and preparing shiurim, and she's thinking deeply about things. And if she's inspired, it's because she's continued to invest in herself. That's a very hard thing to do in real life when we have other responsibilities.

1:41:23 And so, yes, the husbands today must make sure that their wives are getting the opportunities that they need, and the same goes for you. I know we didn't do a good enough job. Chatasi avisi pashati. I am part of the problem. I can't move back to America and solve this problem, but because my wife is there, and there is Rav Kohnes here, so it's your problem. But he can't leave DRS because he's fulfilling a critical mission there. But yes, somebody needs to step up, and in the meantime, until that happens, I'm asking you girls to think creatively right now. To say which one of you is going to solve this problem, which one of you is going to step up and say, 'Let's do something together to create at least some more infrastructure than we have to solve this problem.' We're trying, first of all. We're trying a little bit. That's a little bit of what we do here. Meaning, a little bit what we do here is trying. I wish I could do more. It's true. I take. I know this is not what.

1:42:20 Rivberg meant at all on a personal level, but I take it to heart. MS, and you know, we're trying. It's one of the reasons I'm dedicated to this shir that we have that started many years ago by Nachum Tsukanius and trying to always make it happen, even at times that might be sometimes difficult. But that's once every two weeks. That's not close to enough. Obviously, maybe we have to start weekly. Maybe we have to start more. We have to see. But Lamaisa, first of all, it's true, and you should realize as much as there is way more infrastructure and yeshivas, and for men, you should have men go through that same exact question and the same exact even while in those places, because sadly, a lot of those places are missing all that we spoke about the beginning of the night.

1:43:11 And if it's missing, all that we spoke about at the beginning of the night, even though they're in places where they have Rabbeim and they have Shirim, they have the same exact question. Trust me, we deal with it also. First of all, it is, and it has to hit a point in all of our lives at some point that we take it upon ourselves. We should do more, but meaning when it comes, Baruch Hashem, we live in a door where you could find it, and you could go on the internet, and you could buy Svarim that have English and. And whether it's small chaburahs or whether it's yourself, mashaliba chavitba, find something that really talks to you, that really inspires you, and dedicate yourself to be koveitim laTorah. Meaning, Shabbos Avlamis says is a question one of the first questions that we're going to be asked. And last time I checked, it doesn't differentiate between men or women. It says kovatim laTorah. The mount might be different, maybe, but kovatim laTorah—did you set aside permanent time to learning Torah?

1:44:04 Do each and every one of us here have some time every day that we learn for a few minutes and something that we really connect to, something that inspires us? We all can find that in this day and age. Whether it's listening to a sheer of a rav that we really connect to, whether it's a sefer, whether it's Olam Emidos, whether it's Mishlach Shasaram, whether it's a halacha, whatever it's safe, whatever does it for you. What does it for you? See, that's also very beautiful. You're no longer stuck in the structure. It has to be that I have a choice. You have a choice of everything at this point in your life. So find it. But I want to say one other idea, and that is that. I think we have a warped sense of what kedusha is, because the question was, I don't feel kedusha. I don't feel inspired. I don't feel. And through those years of seminary, they do wonders for us, but they also destroy something. And where we feel like kedusha only means that I am standing by the kaisel davening the ilan yom kippur, and kedusha only means that I can sit and learn Torah all day long without any other responsibilities. A few weeks ago was Pesach, and first day of cholamoid.

1:45:02 I went with my family, with my kids. We went to a Mets game to Citi Field. Not a Mets fan, but it was a day game, and that's what you do, Cholmei. You go to Mets games. And we're there, and I was looking around, and it was obviously packed with Yidden, right? Packed with Jews. And I'm looking around, and I'm there, wearing a bekasha, and I look around, and almost everybody there is in big day yantiv, Cholmei. That's what you're supposed to be doing. And everybody's there with their potato chips and apple juice box drinks, and maybe someone made a cream cheese matzah sandwich. That's kaddusha. That's kaddusha because next to me, the guy is eating a hot dog on a bun in his baseball cap and Mets jersey. And what I mean by that is that kedusha, holiness, is not just found in a beis medrash and in a base knesses and in erichesol. And we always need those check ins, and that's all very kadosh and important. But we just had kadosh atzmacha b'mutterlach. Last week, kadoshim tio kadosh atzmacha b'mutterlach means we can elevate everything and find kedusha within it. And we have to recalibrate ourselves to recognize that my avodah in life is kadosh in all that I do and everything. We make brachas every time we eat.

1:46:24 You know what that is? Don't just do it quickly, robotically, mechanically. That means I'm elevating when I'm about to do to get close to God, to feel God in my life. There's a way I'm supposed to put on my shoes in the morning. Does God really care how Ari Cohen puts on his shoes? You think God really cares that I put on my right shoe, my left shoe, I tie my left? Does God really care? But He helps me so that I can feel godliness when I put on my shoes in the morning. That's awesome. That's kadosh. It's a very famous story by the Mittler Rebbe. It's one of my favorite stories. The Mittler Rebbe was the second Chabad Rebbe, and he lived on top of his of the Balatanya, of Shneur Zalman of Liadi, top of his father. And he was sitting. The Mittler Rebbe, whatever the Balatanya, was sitting in his house, and he hears his grandchild.

1:47:23 He hears his grandchild crying, but it just continues and continues. It doesn't stop. It's a baby crying, and his heart's going out. What's going on upstairs? Eventually, he goes upstairs and he knocks. Nobody answers. He opens the door. He sees his son sitting and learning, and he hears his grandchild crying from his room. He passes by his son. He goes to the room. He takes his grandchild out of the crib and he's soothing him and holding him. He comes back to the room and he looks at his son. He says, 'Didn't you hear the baby crying? What? Why didn't you go help him?' He says, 'I was so absorbed, so engrossed in my learning, I didn't even hear him.' The Bal Tanya gave him such a mussi. He says that Torah is nothing. That's not the Torah that Hashem wants you to be learning. If you can't hear the cries of the baby, there's so many ways you could take the story. But one of those ways is to understand that you know it's kadosh to take care of your child. It's kadosh to soothe your child. At that moment, that's more kadosh than the learning.

1:48:18 And we have to understand and recalibrate ourselves at this point in our lives as we're going into a time when we're in college and eventually b'shataiv and we're supposed to get married and to have children and to have a house and I'm going to be cooking and cleaning and chveznish all the it's all kadosh and we have to think like that and we think like that life is inspiring because I realize I'm with the rabonim every single minute of my life so of course we should continue getting the inspiration from sheurim that we can go to and we have to find them and the Torah and all that and our davening and Eretz Yisrael, and the Kodesh, all that's real, and we have to go as often as we can to Eretz Yisrael. Just to sit next to Yidinavshi Avir Da'aret, to feel that for a few moments. Kina Soifr, we're here for whatever reason we should be here, but we can't live in b'Mizrach every single moment, and you got to go. So upsetting. I just spoke Thursday night, but recently I was somewhere and I saw an old friend, and we were talking, and he opened up to me that he hasn't been in Eretz Yisrael.

1:49:16 In over three years, I managed almost. I wanted to scream. We were in a public place, so I didn't want to embarrass him. But I wanted to scream, and I did at him. I said, "Are you serious?" I mean, he's Bachshem. He's well off. It's not money. Like, what do you mean? He's like, it was COVID. I said, COVID ended years ago. I've been in Eretz Israel about eight times since they didn't let us into the country, and during COVID, I cried every night that they didn't let us in. What are you talking about? I'm gonna go soon because I said no, no, I need to know. I can't see you again till you tell me that you're in Eretz Israel.

1:49:56 You need to tell me you have a ticket. What did you want? I said, do you understand? He's a bentor. He's a bal yer Shamayim. He's a wonderful person. Do you understand that your life would be so different if you've been visiting Eretz Israel? Do you understand how that lifts you up? Do you understand you need that level of kedusha also? If we live here for whatever reason, we all have a. If I hope you have a reason. If you don't, get out of here. But if you have a reason. That hope is good. Maybe that's we're going to have to answer those reasons because that's our homeland. But if you have a good reason, you have a good reason. But not to visit in this day and age. And not to get that, you don't understand. You're not the same person if you don't get that chizik. So there are those levels kaddusha we need. We need our Israel kaddusha. We need Shabbos kaddusha. We need davening. We need learning. But realize everything in between could also be kaddush, and it's a different life. That's inspiring. That lifts us up. I think Chatsos Alayla Akum LaHaydis Loch. It's been wonderful. I want to thank everybody again.