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Automatic transcript; may contain mistakes, especially in Hebrew.
This week's question is, what do you do when you feel like you've been stagnant and want to grow more, but just don't have the drive or the know-how? So the first part is, maybe we are growing and we just don't feel like it. When a person is on an airplane, the exciting part of the journey is the first couple of minutes when you're climbing to 30,000 feet. But actually, the travel takes place much more after you've tapered off, and then you're just going straight for a while. You know, when we're younger, it's like we're on the x-axis, and we're deciding where on the x-axis do we want to be, right, left, and we're considering our own philosophies and theologies, and we're thinking about where we want to go with our lives. And that's amazing, but it's not necessarily the same thing as growth. Growth is actually, once I've decided where I want to go, it's actually getting there. And very often, that just takes time. So the first thing is, you may actually be growing a lot more than you think you are. It's just that it feels stagnant because it doesn't have the same excitement as it once did. But that's natural and normal. Now let's assume for a second that it is growing a little stagnant.
And you want to grow more, but you just don't have the drive. So it's very interesting the way the question is phrased. Which one is it? Do you want to grow more, or do you not have the drive? And the answer is, for most of us, it's both. My inner will is that I want to grow more. My external will is I no longer have the drive to push through this. And that's where loyalty comes in. Because loyalty means that even when I don't want to, I do it anyway. Today, it's not popular to speak about, because we should be doing the things that we want to do. But that's not real life. Real life is, these are the things that are important to me. These are my core values. And I'm going to do them, whether I'm interested in doing them or not interested in doing them. So I don't always want to be a dad, and I don't always want to be a Rebbe. I don't even always want to answer these questions. But it's a responsibility that I've taken upon myself. And that means I have to be loyal to those responsibilities. Somebody was talking to me recently about the state of the New York Knicks.
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The Knicks are a moribund franchise that cannot seem to get it together. And they said, how can you continue to be a fan of the Knicks when they're just so awful every single season? And I said, well, because if you're not a fan when they're terrible, then you're not really a fan when they're doing great either. You're just kind of like a casual observer. And it's the same thing when it comes to parenting. If you really want to be a parent, you got to do it when you don't want to do it. If you really want to be a great husband, if you really want to be a great wife, you have to do it when you don't want to do it. And the same thing is true of our own personal growth as well. In fact, we could argue that you're growing more when you're doing it because you don't want to do it. Because when you're doing it, even when you don't want to do it, then you're really loyal to it, not just to yourself. Now, in terms of know-how, the truth of the matter is we know how. We're used to these crutches of Rebaim telling me exactly what to do. But Rebaim, as much as they know, they don't necessarily know what we know about ourselves.
In fact, Revolbi brings down a grud, Mishle, that speaks about the fact that you can't learn Musser from a Sefer. The Sefer has to be a jumping point to thinking about yourself, and no two people grow in the same way. So, we have to be aware that we're the only ones that know what's really going to work for us. We could hear a schmooze, and it could inspire us, it could give us new insights and ideas, but at the end of the day, it comes down to who are you, and what's the right thing for you, and nobody knows that better than yourself. Very recently, I was talking to somebody, earlier this week actually, and we were talking about, in terms of parenting, when to intervene and how to intervene. And this person said, I feel a very deep need to protect my children. And I said, well, what will happen if you don't protect your child? And they said, well, then the child might get hurt. And I said, well, what happens if the child gets hurt? And eventually we got to the point where the parent was like, yeah, probably nothing. So I said, well, let me tell you what will happen if you do protect your child always.
Your child will never develop the capacity to struggle and to become resilient, and to learn the tools that are necessary towards overcoming. We can't protect our children from everything. It's not even a good idea. And the same thing is true when it comes to personal growth. If you don't ever do it on your own, if you're constantly just relying on other people, so you're not really doing any real growth and you've never really developed those skills. So it's nice to hear shiurim. It's good to learn svarim because they have insights that you won't otherwise think of. But then know-how comes from within. Listening to your own voice, developing the person that you want to be. You'll make mistakes, but part of learning is making mistakes. Trial and error is an important part of learning. So don't give up on yourself. Don't just, Rebbe, tell me what to do. Yes, a Rebbe could give advice. It's a currency of support. But at the end of the day, it comes down to us.
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