Bamidbar / Shavuos - Raising Awesome Children

2:11 That's a very strange thing. You ever heard this question before? You've heard this? The glass thing. You feel like you've heard it before. It's a very strange thing. Let's make sure we understand this. Who was by? Who was by? Who was by Yaakov Avinu's mita? So it was Yaakov Avinu and the Shvatim, right? They were the ones escorting him. How many Jews were in Kali Yisrael now, in the Midbar, in the time of the census, where they're setting up camp? How many Jews were? It must have been hundreds of thousands, right? Maybe it was millions. So because twelve people didn't fight generations ago, now hundreds of thousands of people are not going to fight today. It doesn't make so much sense. Moshe Rabbeinu was clearly concerned that they were going to have something to fight about, whatever it means that each one was going to want to be somewhere else.

2:59 But now Moshe Rabbeinu is going to say, 'they're not going to fight. Why? Because their grandparents didn't fight, so that they won't fight.' It's very strange. Maybe it's not so strange. We do see that certain Jewish communities carry on fights for generations. Is anybody here Syrian? Good. In the Syrian community, you should know that there are people who won't speak to each other for generations because they say, 'I'm not from Aleppo. I don't speak to people from Aleppo.' There is a thing that people carry on fights for generations. But it's strange that because our grandparents didn't fight, we're not going to fight today. It's a very unusual thing. That's question number one. Question number two, also a very beautiful question. How many children did Binyamin have? Anybody know? Ten children. Ten children is the right answer. How many children? If you don't mind Say it. How many children did Don have?

4:09 One. One. You know this because you probably know the name of Don's child. What was the name of Don's child? The blind guy. You did that. You said the blind guy. His name was Chushim Ben Don. Chazal tell us that Chushim Ben Don was deaf. So it's a very strange thing. If you look in this week's parsha, you would naturally think who would be larger, generations later, who would have more children? You would think that Shavuot Binyamun would have more children than Shavuot Don. I once heard, and I don't know if the math works out 100%, but I once heard that how many Jews were killed in the Holocaust? We're used to saying six million. It's not true. Eight million. Twenty. One point two million. That was a fascinating Torma Devora moment. I've seen weird moments. That was among the weirder ones. You don't have to guess. I'll give you the information.

5:15 Also, that was a strange guess. Also, we started getting—it's not a Dave Portnoy pizza review. It's not 7. 9. Six million Jews were killed in the Holocaust, but if you do the math and we say, let's say on average those people would have five children each. And now you play that out over a couple of generations. People will pass away, of course. It's not like it just grows exponentially. But how many Jews would there be in Klal Yisrael today if six million Jews each had five children, who had five children? Some will pass away. But I heard that the Cheshvan that somebody made once was that there would be over fifty million Jews in Klal Yisrael today, which is amazing. We have about twelve million Jews in Klal Yisrael today. Certainly, it's a very significant percent that are not observant. But if you do the math, it's a pretty crazy thing to think that there'd be over 50 million. It's a lot of seminaries. By the way, maybe that would solve the shiduf crisis. There'd be a lot more people to go around. 50 million Jews. Six million Jews were not killed in the Holocaust. Each person is an oile malay. Each person has the opportunity to build a family. And by the way, five is a conservative number.

6:25 There's families out there that have 10, 15 children, no problem. It's a pretty wild thing to think about that the number of Jews would be 50 million. We would naturally assume Shavuot Binyamin would be enormous. They have 10 children a couple generations later. Shavuot Binyamin was the second to lowest of the population of all of the Shvatim. And Shavuot Don was the second to highest. From one child, just a couple of generations later, they were the second largest Shavuot from all of the Shvatim. Shaila, what happened there? How did Shevet Don become so large so fast? That's our second question for the evening. Last question: The famous Gemara in Megillah, Gemara Megillah 31B, tells us, and we all went through this. I'm sure you all went to shul last Shabbos. You went to shul last Shabbos, not Friday night, Shabbos morning, because for sure you woke up in the morning. You went to shul. Very good. Midbar Sheker Tirkok, and the last week's parsha was a double parsha. Why?

7:29 Because the Gemara tells us that we have to read Parshas B'chu Kosay before Shavuos, since Shavuos is a type of Rosh Hashanah, we read the Tochacha, all the potential curses that could Chas V'Shalom happen to Klal Yisrael in last week's Parsha before Shavuos, which is a type of Rosh Hashanah. However, Tosfos there explains that we don't read it the week before Shavuos every single year. Parshas Bamidbar is read immediately before Shavuos. Why? We want to create a break. We want to create a little bit of a break between the Toshcha and Matan Torah. You don't want to have the curses going right into Matan Torah. So Chazal are threading the needle. On the one hand, you need to have the Toshcha because you need to say.

8:18 I'm sorry, it's my ADHD moment. On the one hand, you have to have the tocha because you need to say it's serious business. Shavuos is coming; it's a type of Rosh Hashanah. Take it seriously. But on the other hand, you need a little bit of a break. So we have Parshas Bamidbar in between. It's very strange because the Gemara doesn't tell us, Taisus doesn't tell us what is it about Parshas Bamidbar that leads us into Shavuos. That information is missing. There must be something special about Parshas Bamidbar that it comes right before Shavuos. I understand we need a little bit of a break. But there's something special about Parshas Bamidbar that takes us into Shavuos. What is it about Parshas Bamidbar that takes us into Shavuos? I want to tell you. Start with the answers to this question. I was very blessed this past week. This past Sunday, I was in America for a wedding. I was very excited to go to the wedding. It's a very special family. I was excited to be there, but I had an extra level of excitement. Because my Rosh Hashanah, from when I was growing up, Rabbi Yaakov Bendershlicht, who was the Rosh Hashanah of Darchei, was going to be at the wedding. I love Rabbi Bender. I feel very close to Rabbi Bender. I felt close to Rabbi Bender since I'm 10 years old. When I was 10 years old, I was expelled from a school.

9:24 I won't tell you the name of the school. It rhymes with Shmafter, and I got expelled from Haftorah in fifth grade. Shmafter, I'm sorry, and only two. There was another school in the neighborhood that wouldn't take me because they didn't want to take the shmafter rejects. But there were two. There were two great rabbanim in the neighborhood that were willing to take me. Rav Chanina Herzberg, Zecharias Zadok Lavrach, who was a famous. I don't know if you girls have heard of Rav Herzberg. Rav Herzberg had an art school book that they wrote about him. It's an awesome book, worthwhile to read the book. It's a real book with real stories. Rav Herzberg was a tzaddik. He was a the talmud not I don't know the talmud book. It's certainly a talmud book. Of Rav Shlomo Freifeld, who was the founding Rosh Yeshiva of Sha'ar Hashamayim, Rabbi Hertzberg was willing to take me, and Rabbi Bender from Darchei was willing to take me. And Baruch Hashem, I ended up choosing to go to Darchei, and had amazing three and a half years in Darchei.

10:13 In that time, I got very close with Rabbi Bender. And Baruch Hashem, it's 35 years later, and I'm still very close with Rabbi Bender. We've kept up our Kesher for a very long time. I was very excited to go to the wedding because I wanted the opportunity to see my Rebbe and to say Shalom Aleichem. I ended up getting a lot of time with him. By Rabbi Bender, thirty seconds is a lot of time. Darche has is a school Kanai Nahara of twenty-eight hundred kids And kailim. It's just a massive operation, and to get time with Rabbi Bender is very rare. A person gets thirty seconds, a minute, a minute and a half. Baruch Hashem, I was zocher to sit next to him for the entire wedding. So I really had the opportunity to sit with my Rebbe, to be mishamish talmid chachamim. I was so blessed. I was sitting by Rebbe with Rebbe Ben by the Chasson Tish, and he told me this var. And I said, I can't wait to go back to Eretz Yisrael. The var is stunning. The var is amazing. I can't wait to tell you this var. It's not my var. I'm going to use it in a bunch of different places.

11:05 But I'm about to tell you now. I heard this past Sunday from my Rebbe. It's an unbelievable var. Chushim Ben Don. A lot of us know the story. The story was that all the Shvatim showed up at Maras Machpelah. They were ready to bury Yaakov Avinu, and Esav stood in their way. Esau stood in their way. He said, 'You can't bury him here. This is my spot. I'm the b'chhar.' They said, 'What do you mean? You sold the b'chhar?' He said, 'I didn't sell nothing.' They said, 'We have the bill of sale.' He said, 'Show me the bill of sale. Where is it? It's in Mitzrayim.' So they sent to run back to Mitzrayim. Nafhtali, right, Rabbi? They said, 'Nafhtali, run back to Mitzrayim because he was very fast. He's going to go get the starr.' And they're in the middle of this argument. Chushim Ben Don was deaf. He didn't know what was going on. All he knew was that his grandfather. Was not being buried because Esav was standing there

11:53 So he took out a sword and he killed Esav. Esav's head rolled into the ma'arah, rolled into the burial plot of Yaakov Yenu. And that's how Esav's head got buried in Ma'aras Machpelah. There's a famous shmuz from Rav Chaim Shmulevitz, an amazing shmuz. Can I ask you to read it inside? Rav Chaim Shmulevitz says, 'You see the power of being deaf. Everybody else, once you hear the other side of the argument, you start questioning yourself. You start asking, maybe he's right. It's like if you start debating with people. Maybe October seventh was justified.' That's what happens in the lunacy of today's world. It probably makes sense to murder innocent people, to murder babies, because you know they were oppressed. So people think like these things are normal. You hear these things, you could be seduced by them. R' Chaim Shmulevitz says Chushim Ben Nani was deaf. He never got seduced by them. But I have another question. A question on R' Chaim's Shprout is beautiful, but I have a question I never understood. Girls, do you know how powerful Esav was physically? Do you know how powerful he was?

12:44 When Odomarishon had to leave Gan Eden, Hakadosh Baruch Hu made him a coat. This coat, the Medrash says, was an exceptionally special coat. It was designed to protect Adam Rishon from all the animals that could attack him in the outside world. In Gan Eden, nobody was going to attack Adam Rishon. Now that he's leaving into the chaos of the world, Hakadosh Baruch Hu said, "I'm going to make you a coat. It's going to protect you from all the animals." In fact, the Medrash says that this coat had all the animals embroidered on it, and the animals would bow down; they would come and submit themselves to Adomarishon, so that nobody should ever attack him. This coat was passed down generation to generation until it fell into the hands of Nimrod. Nimrod had this coat; he was considered a god. He was considered a great hunter because the animals would literally come to him; they would submit themselves to him. And the Medrash says that Nimrod would kill him. Who killed Nimrod?

13:33 Esav killed Nimrod on the day that Avram Avinu died. Esav killed Nimrod. Think about how powerful Esav was that he was able to kill Nimrod despite the fact that he was wearing this coat that had these amazing protective abilities. Some suggest that what happened to that coat afterwards. Esav had it. Some suggest that Esav understood that this was a very special coat. It was made by Hashem. So he used to wear it when he was being Mashamish his father. Whenever he was doing the mitzvah of Kibbutzav, he would wear that coat. One day, Esav went out hunting because Yitzchak told him to go out hunting. He left the coat behind, and Rivka took that coat. She put it on Yaakov and dressed him up as Esav, so that Yaakov could pretend to be Esav and get the brachos. He ran away with that coat. That's how Esav lost that coat. Some suggest, not everybody agrees to this, but some suggest that coat was eventually given to Yosef HaTzaddik. Some suggest that was the Kesonos Pasim, because the Medrash suggests that Yosef HaTzaddik, while he was wearing that coat, was very powerful.

14:33 He couldn't get him. The Shvatim wanted to kill Yosef HaTzaddik. Remember, they pasquin them for Misa, so they had to figure out a way to get him out of that coat, and they tricked him into taking off the coat, and that's how they were able to hold him down, eventually throw him in the pit, and that's how eventually he got the Mitzrayim. That's why some suggest that Yaakov Avinu wasn't a hundred percent convinced. That Yosef was killed by a wild animal when they brought him back the coat with the blood on it because he said something here doesn't make sense. If you're wearing this coat, you don't get killed by a wild animal. So Yaakov Avinu wasn't sure exactly what was going on. Think about how powerful this coat was. Yaakov, Esav was able to kill Nimrod wearing this coat. Esav was exceptionally powerful, even as an old man. All the shluchim came and they said we can't just kill Esav.

15:23 Why not? Because all the Shvatim themselves were not powerful enough to kill Yosef. I want you to understand how powerful the Shvatim were. The Shvatim were so powerful that Yosef HaTzaddik was concerned that when Paro would meet the Shvatim and understand they were his brothers, because Yosef himself was physically very powerful. Ephraim and Menashe were super powerful. That's why Ephraim and Menashe were going to stand up to Yehuda in Parshas Vayigash. Again, if you don't know that Torah, it's not necessary to know, but you should know they were very powerful. The land was shaking. From what they, from physically, what these people were able to do Paro was going to say, 'I've got twelve of them. This is going to be unbelievable. I'm going to be the most powerful army in the world.' Yosef HaTzaddik didn't want that, so Yosef HaTzaddik said, 'Tell him you're shepherds.' Paro didn't like shepherds because they worshiped the god. They worshiped the sheep as gods, and that's how they were able to go to Goshen. The Shvatim were exceptionally powerful people.

16:16 How come they couldn't kill Esav? And how come Chushim Ben Don could kill Esav? If twelve shvatim can't kill Esav, how is Chushim Ben Dan able to kill Esav? I want to tell you an amazing word that Rabbi Bender said to me. This word is stunning, amazing, gorgeous. We today are going to try to say this as sensitively as I can. We today do not realize what it means to be deaf. We don't realize it because today a child who's born deaf can pretty much get help right away. They have all these hearing tests. And we have Baruch Hashem an amazing medical invention called cochlear implants. By the way, today it's not even what it was a couple of years ago. It used to be a couple of years ago it was like a little unsightly. It wasn't nice to look at. They had that brown thing connected to the ear. Today they have ones that you can barely see.

17:07 It's unbelievable the technology today. Again, I hesitate to say what I'm about to say because I know that there are people who are really suffering from this. But today, deafness is almost a thing of the past. Which is an amazing thing to think about. You were born deaf today. Used to be when I was growing up, that people who were born deaf, even when they could learn to speak, they spoke like deaf people because for the first couple years of their life, they couldn't hear normally, so they didn't develop speech. Today, you meet a kid with a cochlear implant; he speaks fine. You don't even know that it's there, because Baruch Hashem for this amazing medical advancement. But the truth is that, and this is a real Rabbi Ben Dorvart Chushim Ben Dan. To our knowledge, he is the first disabled kid in the Torah. He's the first kid who really was different.

17:55 What was the gadlus of Chushim Ben Dan? I'm I'm so excited to tell you this var. It's a it's a Rabbi Bender var. Because he had a father and a mother who said to him, "You may have limitations, but you are going to be awesome in your life." How do you raise someone who has a disability? You can acknowledge that they have limitations, but your limitations do not define you. You are capable of doing anything. That's an amazing way to raise a child. I want to tell you something I'm not embarrassed of at all, but it's probably completely inappropriate. My closest friend in the world, his name is Yitzi Haber. Some of you may have heard of Yitzi Haber. He's famous. You know Yitzi Haber? You know Yitzi from when he was a kid? From camp, from Chai Lifne, from camp Simcha. So Yitzi Haber was famous. He is famous today. He's a schnitzel guy. For those of you who had brothers' bar mitzvahs, schnitzel guys came to your bar mitzvah. Yitzi Haber is famous because he only has one leg.

18:55 You knew him in camp. You knew him in camp before he lost his leg. He used to work in Eish Kodesh. When Yitzi, he didn't lose his leg to cancer. He lost his leg to cancer-related complications. Baruch Hashem, after they cured him of cancer, he had to have his leg amputated. He does unbelievable tricks with his leg. He's my closest friend. He can walk around it because his leg is not real. So it's an amazing thing to see people who have never met Yitzi before. He's like, you want to see something cool? And he walks around one leg that stays stationary, and then he walks back. At the very end, you can hear the leg snap back into place. So when it went, but it's not real. It's a fake leg. But when it snaps back into place, you see people go like it's disgusting. And he's very funny about it. When little kids say to him, what happened to your leg? He's like You know how they tell you to keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times? You really should listen. Or like one time I saw him tell a little kid I was at the beach and everyone was screaming shark, but I thought they were joking. And I see this little kid like this.

20:04 Yitzi's amazing. If you look in my wedding album, you'll see Yitzi just decided he was part of the wedding, even though he was part of the wedding as my friend. But he just decided he walked down my aisle. He wasn't invited. He just got up and walked down. By the wedding pictures, you have your whole family together. If you look right above my mother's head, there's Yitzi's leg. He flipped it up. It's not right there. He flipped up his leg. He's ridiculous. I could tell you a million stories about what Yitzi does with his leg. They're all unbelievable. He's an absolute mesugana. Yitzi and I have one fight One fight, and we have it every time. I'm not going to stop fighting with him about it, even though I know it's totally wrong. I'll tell you, it's not a secret. I'm building up. It wasn't like we have one fight. Next, go.

20:53 When we go somewhere and there's no parking available I get very upset at him. Because the two best spots that are free are right there. All you need is a handicapped placard for your car. And you can park in the best spots. And people get them today for nothing. People get them today. I have a cold. I'm handicapped. I get a placard. People with Tourette syndrome get a handicap. You can walk. But he refuses to get one. He refuses to get a handicap parking placard. And not only that, he gets very upset at me whenever I say it. He says I can do anything you can do. I said and that's amazing because you're handicapped. So I'm so glad you can do anything I could do, but we could be parking right there. He said those spots are for handicapped people. I'm like, why are we walking from there? He's like, because we can. I'm like, and it's amazing that you can. He hates this joke. I won't stop telling it.

22:01 I love the fact that he was given this attitude when he had his leg amputated. Imagine what it's like for a thirteen-year-old boy to have your leg amputated. He's very funny about it. When he tells the story, he's like, "Yeah, I like said goodbye. There was all funeral. It was a big deal." Like, it's a crazy thing to learn when you're a child that you can have a disability, but that disability doesn't define you. It's an amazing thing. I want you to know, when I was living with Yitzi, we were roommates. When I was living with Yitzi, he once told me, "I can jump from a wet bathroom floor onto the lip of a wet bathtub and not fall." I'm like, "How's that possible?" I've got two feet and I can't do that. So he's like, 'Because you're afraid of falling.' I'm not afraid of falling. I said, 'Why are you not afraid of falling? You have one leg. If you fall, you're gonna die. Like in a wet bath, you're gonna smash your head.' He said, 'I won't fall.'

22:53 I was like, "Yeah, but you might. Like it's not a good idea." He said when they push you down thousands of times before they give you a prosthetic because they teach you how to fall. He said the reason why you fall is because you're afraid of falling. The reason why I don't is because I'm not afraid of falling. He has an irrational level of belief in himself. If we went skiing as a chevra, he's like, 'I'm coming.' I'm like, 'You gonna ski?' He's like, 'Why not?' If we went to play basketball, he's gonna play basketball. I'm like, but you got one leg. How are you gonna dunk? You're not. He's like, I'm playing. He could do anything we could do because even though he has a very clear limitation, his limitation doesn't define him in any way. He's literally made, without exaggeration, over the course of his career, millions of dollars dancing at kids' bar mitzvahs. How many people can say they do that with two legs? Aside from his partner Donny, I'm saying it's an amazing thing. He has a limitation. He's not defined by his limitation. You know why? Because when he went to Camp Simcha for the summer, every counselor there told him, 'Yitzi, you're awesome.' You know what he became? Awesome.

23:54 Teach kids that they could become awesome, and they'll become awesome. People say, "What's the balance?" The balance is to teach your kids that they're awesome. Teach your kids that they're awesome. Won't they become arrogant if I teach them that they're awesome? They'll become awesome. You know who becomes arrogant? Kids who grow up thinking that they're not awesome. Kids who think that they're not awesome have to have an overinflated sense of self. Because they think they're a nobody. Kids who grow up with parents that believe in them irrationally are capable of doing things that they should not be capable of doing. It's an unbelievable thing. You grow up with parents who tell you you're awesome, you become awesome. Chushim Ben Dan had every reason to believe I'm not awesome. He looked at all of his cousins, and there were many of them. It was a Charedi family. They had a lot, twelve kids. It's a lot of kids.

24:41 He said he looked around at his cousins. Nobody else was deaf. He looked at himself. He could have said, "I'm the kid that's different. I'm the kid that has limitations. I'm not capable." But Chushim Ben Don was raised by a mother and a father who said to him, "You're awesome." So when it came time to confront Esav He wasn't really capable of killing Esav. Clearly, he wasn't capable of killing Esav. You know why? Because the twelve Shvatim were unable to do it. Nobody ever told him that he wasn't capable of doing it. It's only when we start to believe that we're limited that we become limited. Until that point, we're limitless. By the way, test it out. Go look at little children. Try to do things. It's the cutest thing in the world. You know why little kids learn to walk? Because nobody ever told them that they couldn't. So they say I could walk. I see you walking. But how do you know you could walk?

25:29 What would happen if we took our children as they were beginning to walk and we were afraid of them falling, so we grabbed them up? They would never learn how to walk because we never teach our children that they could do hard things because we don't believe in them to do hard things. What's your background? You can do hard things. That's an amazing background. Raise children to say they can do hard things, and you know what they'll do? They'll rise to the occasion and they'll do it. But if we subconsciously communicate to our children that you're not capable, we'll create incapable people. Chushim Ben Don became amazing, and he killed Esav because he had parents who told him that he was amazing. Why was Chushim Ben Don the second to largest tribe, even though there was only one of him? There were ten of Binyamin's children. You know what the answer is? If you're raised to be awesome, you know what you do? You raise children who think they're awesome. And you know what those children do? They marry people, and then they say, you know what we want to do? Raise children who think they're awesome, and you know what happens? We're going to raise children who think they're awesome. Don became from one person; he became the second largest shevet because he had an awesome parenting tactic. His parenting tactic was authentically and genuinely believe in your children.

26:34 Kids like that grow up; they get married; they have children of their own. And it builds fast. It's an amazing gift. It's an amazing word from Rabbi Bender. I want to share with you why we need the Toshecha separated. Of course we need the Toshecha before Rosh Hashanah. If Shavuos is a type of Rosh Hashanah, we need to know this is a day of judgment. We need to know that our actions have consequences and life is meant to be taken seriously. But there has to be a break. You know why there has to be a break? Because if you show up to Kabbalas Atayra and you say I'm here to be makabel the Torah because otherwise I'm going to get punished. That's the greatest symptom that you are not capable of receiving the Torah. You don't enter into a relationship from fear of punishment. That's what we do when we're children.

27:21 I want to tell you something. My wife asks me to take out the garbage. I don't say this. I've never, not once in all the years that I've been married, turned to my wife and said. What's the punishment if I don't take out the garbage? What's the reward if I take out the garbage? There is a concept called tscharva onesh. Tscharva onesh is a very real thing. You know what tscharva onesh is not? Tscharva onesh is not a reason to participate in a relationship. If somebody says, "I'm doing this so that I can get the tschar," then you don't care about Hashem. You care about tschar. I'm doing this so that I don't get punished. You care about yourself. It's important to know that our actions have consequences. You can't receive the Torah from that place. He has to receive the Torah from Parshas Bamidbar. What's in Parshas Bamidbar? Hakadosh Baruch Hu counts Klal Yisrael. Counting is an unbelievable thing. It means every single thing that I count is unique.

28:11 Pas rare, pas rare, unique. We tend to think of ourselves as rare. Hakadosh Baruch Hu says I didn't create any two people the same. Nobody in the history of the world has ever been the same to anybody else. Every single person is unique. There's a thing that happens in yeshivas and seminaries. My older brother went to this yeshiva. I don't want to go there. My older sister went to this seminary. I'm not sure I want to go there. Why? Because I don't want to be compared to her. What's the difference? Your sister had an awesome time. She had an amazing year. So why don't you want to go just because she went? You know what the answer is? Because none of us want to be seen the way our older siblings were. We want to be seen for ourselves because we know about ourselves that we are not rare. We are unique. I've seen this many times. If I'm interviewing a young man and he tells me my brother went to Mivaseret, the first thing I say to him is, "I don't care about that. You're not your brother. You should see what happens in the room. People just like the temperature. I'm not my brother. I'll be treated like an individual. Of course, because you are an individual."

29:11 When somebody tells you were created as an individual, nobody was ever created like you, and nobody will ever be created like you. That's a place to receive the Torah from. I am worthy. I am a human being. Distinct from every other person, and the Rebbeinu Sholom values me. I'm his binyachid. He counted me. That means I count. That means I matter. That's how we receive the Torah. I once heard from Reb Moshe Weinberger Shlita that the reason we don't wake up in the morning screaming moda ani is because we don't really think that our moda ani counts. We don't really think that the Rebbeinu Sholom cares about our moda ani. Boys say it like this: Does Rebbeinu Sholom really care if I put on tefillin? Everybody in the room is wearing tefillin. It's true, the tefillin are the same. You're not. You're not the same. Does Rebbeinu Shlom really care if I daven? Isn't everybody in the room saying the same words? They might be saying the same words, but you're saying those words. The Rebbeinu Shlom cares about you saying those words. He cares about you wearing tefillin. The reason why we don't wake up in the morning and scream on fire, I'm here, Shivei Hashem leNetz Yisomim, I'm here to serve you, Rebbeinu Shlom, is because we don't think it really matters.

30:18 Because we didn't grow up thinking that we're awesome. This is the danger. School systems are great. School systems are important. Standards are important in schools. Classroom management is important in schools. But there's a tremendous danger that comes along with school. You know what the danger is? You tell certain kids that they're awesome, and you tell certain kids that they're really not. That's the reality. You tell certain kids you're awesome. You know why you're awesome? Because you do really well at passing tests. You're really good at taking information and spitting it back. You're awesome. But what about the kid who's really terrible at passing a test in school? You know what he's being told every day? You're not awesome. And the truth is, for those of us who have been in education long enough, we know that school is not a predictor of success in life—not even a little bit. Ravarts, you're a little bit older than me, maybe by a minute or two.

31:05 Is it true? It's 100% true. Rabitson, you agree? It's 100% true. I want to tell you—it's a famous joke. The A students are there to challenge the teachers. The B students are there to challenge the A students. The C students are there to pay tuition, and the D students get honored by the dinner because they're the wealthiest ones in the class. It's true Because in life they'll be tremendously successful. We take a kid who can't sit still and then we give him letters. A D H D, right? We give him all the letters. We made that kid feel like you've got the letters. You know that thing called ADHD? In business, he's going to be a rock star of a success. Just because you decided to put him in this little box and to tell him he's not awesome because he can't do the same thing as everybody else—that's ridiculous. That's absurd. There's value, real value, in tapping into the neshama of every single child and figuring out how to let that kid know you're awesome in your own way.

32:00 That's godless. Godless is not about how much you accomplish relative to somebody else. Godless is how much you accomplish relative to yourself with your strengths, with your talents. If you ever look at Tanya, and I hope every one of you learns Tanya in your life. If you ever look at Tanya, the Alter Rebbe always writes, each kafiy his talent level, each kafiy his seichel, each kafiy his IQ, each kafiy what he's capable of. Nobody's measured against anybody else. You're only measured against yourself. Last var, and then we'll finish up. We asked the question at the very beginning. If you could remember that long ago, we asked the question at the very beginning. Amazing question. Yaakov Avinu lines his kids up, and he says, 'Listen, when you escort me from Mitsrayim to Eretz Yisrael to bury me, this is how I want you to march around my coffin.' Now it's generations later. Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes to Moshe Rabbeinu and he says, "Set him up the same way." Moshe Rabbeinu says, "They're going to fight."

32:49 Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "Nah, they already took care of this by the coffin. Cesar of Meishah Salavetchik of Switzerland, an unbelievable, amazing chinuch yisid. Girls, open your ears, open your eyes, open your hearts to this art. It's an unbelievable art. Teach a kid that they're capable when they're younger, and you'll see that they're capable when they're older. Keilu, The Shvatim was when they were younger. Now there's thousands of them, hundreds of thousands of them. They've become all the great Shvatim. But that's just like when they're older. If you tell a kid You can go to sleepaway camp. You know what happens? They go to sleepaway camp. I have to tell you, it's the cutest thing in the world. It's so sad, but it's the cutest thing in the world. If you go to a bunk in camp, let's say I don't know how it works with the girls, but if you go to a boys' bunk in camp on the first night of sleepaway camp for the post fourth or post fifth grade kids who are just having their first night in sleepaway camp.

33:43 All the kids are hiding. They're crying. It's the funniest, sweetest thing in the world. It's funny for me, but it's like they're all like You hear it, but everybody's trying to hide it. Because we know that really you give the best counselors to those kids. Because they're the ones who have to deal with the homesickness for the first three or four days of camp. There's a young man. Now he's not young anymore. Actually, he's probably over fifty now. But when he was a kid, he was a counselor in camp. I don't mind telling his name. His name was Yaakov Dreyfus, a real tzaddik of a guy. Yaakov Dreyfus was my counselor in camp when I was post fifth grade, when I started going to sleepaway camp. I didn't cry; I was a real man. But my little brother was a little baby. My little brother, when he came to sleepaway camp, Yaakov Dreyfus was his counselor. And my brother came to me on the first day of camp, and he said he was very scared to tell me. He said, "I'm homesick." I said to him, "Don't worry, you'll be okay. It's fine. Everybody goes through this." I went to Yaakov and I said to Yaakov. You probably don't know this, but my brother is homesick. If you could just take care of him a little bit, Yaakov's the sweetest

34:51 Sweetest guy in the world. And his mother, Ricky Dreyfus, is a real tzaddikus, and he was raised to believe that he was awesome. I can tell you that, and he was awesome because he was raised that way. And Yaakov went over to my brother, and my brother came over to me later that day. I remember he said, "He's like, did you tell Yaakov?" I said, "No, I didn't tell Yaakov." He's like, "Because Yaakov came over to me and just wanted to check in, see how everything's doing." I said, "That's just Yaakov being Yaakov." My brother had an amazing summer. We know that we give the best counselors to those kids because they're going to have a hard time adjusting. You know what happens after they have a hard time adjusting? They have an awesome summer. They come back the next summer and they're not homesick anymore. You know why they're not homesick? Because they learned last summer. I can do hard things. You know what happens? Now it's summer after 10th grade, and they have to decide when I'm doing summer after 10th grade. And all of a sudden, mechlelet becomes an option because I can go away for the summer.

35:35 And I don't have to be nervous that I'm not going to be capable. I have never been on a flight by myself before. Figure it out. You'll be okay. You know what happens? Those kids can go to seminary. And they can do hard things because when they were young, they learned that they were capable. And you know why they learned that they were capable? Because their parents weren't terrified of them failing. They said if they fail, they'll be okay. It's a gift. It's a gift to let your children ride a bike. It's a gift. You know why? When your children ride a bike, you know what might happen? They might fall. So you put a helmet on your kid. But you know, if you have a parent, I don't know if you've ever seen these parents that they go out and they get their kid a bike, they buy the kid a helmet. But what type of helmet? You're talking about like an industrial helmet that if like a steel crane dropped on this kid, the crane would break. And they get the elbow pads and the knee pads, and they get like triple training wheels. You know what I'm talking about? Like the kid, and the parents are sitting there the entire time. They're like behind them. You're doing great, sweetie, right? But you know what that parent is communicating to that child?

36:33 You can't do this. You can't do this. You're not capable. But if a little kid falls, we do what? We say it's okay to fall. It's okay to fall. You could fall. You know what happens if you vote? You'll scrape your knee. It'll hurt. We'll clean you off. It'll sting. You get back on your bike and you'll do it again. You do that because you believe that your kids are awesome. If you don't believe your kids are awesome, you'll never let them fail. And you know what happens if you never let them fail? They'll never learn. And when they get older, they won't be awesome. When they get older, they'll be unsure of themselves as they enter the world. And that's a tragedy. We want to raise children who are independent. Independent means I'm capable of confronting the world. If you send a covert or chassid shalom an overt message to a child that says that they're not awesome, they're going to end up being something else.

37:21 Not awesome. That's a tragedy. Says Rav Moshe Salavetchik. When they were young, they had to deal with the complexity of who was going to stand next to Yaakov's Aron in what way, and they figured it out. They figured it out when they were younger, so they knew. Hakadosh Baruch Hu said when they get older, they already did hard things when they were younger. There won't be machlokas. That's the way we're makabel the Torah. This is the Torah of Bamidbar. The Torah of Bamidbar is every single Jew is awesome. Every single Jew is capable of receiving the Torah. Some of us get very overwhelmed. I'm going to receive the Torah. What happens? I don't know if I could do this. I know you know everyone has their own vulnerability issues around Torah. There's so many mitzvot, and I can't stop saying lashon hara, and I don't even know why I'm saying lashon hara. It just feels awesome to say lashon hara. What does it mean for my friends? What does it mean for my lifestyle? We all have these vulnerabilities. Some of us were raised by parents who said you're awesome, so we said look, whatever it says, it'll be I'll be imperfect, but at least I'll be in progress.

38:25 At least I'll be doing something with my life. Others say it's too daunting, so they shut the door before they even start. They don't know that they're awesome, so they don't even try. And that's tragedy. Every single one of us is designed to be makabel detira. Every single one of us is amazing. Every single one of us is awesome, and we demand, you girls, we demand of you and you demand of us. That you have a chinuch system that teaches every kid that they're awesome. Every kid who goes to school and walks out of school feeling terrible is a tragedy. I'll tell you, in Darche, Rabbi Bender has a policy. It's an unbelievable policy. I just learned about this policy. It's a policy of sensitivity. If a rebbe has to call a parent, he's not allowed to call the parent on a Thursday. You know why? Because it'll ruin Shabbos. If you're gonna call a parent, you call them on Sunday night. Call them on Monday.

39:13 Don't ruin Shabbos. We don't want. If a kid walks into the house, the first thing you say to them is not "What do you have for homework?" Don't make your home an extension of school. Your kid walks in the house. Don't even say 'How was your day?' Because then they have to reflect everything that happened. Say 'How are you?' How are you? Make your home a place where kids feel they're awesome. Make your school system a school system where girls and boys walk out saying, "I'm awesome. I'm the ben yochid of Hakadosh Baruch Hu," and then blessed Hashem will be zekeh to a true kabbalah satira. Girls have a beautiful and meaningful shavuos.