Aish Kodesh - 7 (Vayeitzei)

2:13 And why are there two shemiras? Let there be one shemira, and that shemira will go with him. So here Here the Rebbe brings medrash. Medrash and Berechias Rab. It's possible that we can suggest, based on one of the opinions in the Medrash. That malachim elu sare haumos hayu shalov yardu. Medrash says, 'Who were these Malachim going up and down the ladder?' Different opinions. One of the shitas is that these are the Malachim of the nations of the world. And what does it mean that they're going up and down? What happens historically? We know this is true. The Medrash says it. The malachim are going up and down. What does up and down mean? It means that these malachim are fighting with each other. It means that Germany and Italy and Russia and China are on one side, and it means that England and America and Canada and France and everybody else is on the other side, and these malachim are going to war with each other.

3:34 And inevitably, who does it get blamed on, and who ends up in the crossfires? It ends up the Jews. This is historically what happened. I saw Very early on, I knew it was going to happen. I think I even called it. I think I said it out loud. When the war broke out between Russia and Ukraine, I said it's going to be Rebbe Nachman's fault. It's going to be Rabbi Nachman's fault. And right away they started saying Which Jews are going to come? This is a Jew, and it's against another Jew. It became like how in the world? We're tiny little people. We have nothing to do with anything. We're sitting here in a small little corner of the world, and it's every single fight. It's something. It's somehow something to do with the Jews. This is the way of the world. When the nations of the world war with each other, we end up in between.

4:22 And in such a case, the words again The words of the Rebbe here, as tzarech isha yisraeli racham eshemaim A Jew in these times needs Hashem. It's not enough for a malach to protect. As a ma'isa As ma'isa with Reb Chaim Voloshin A beautiful ma'isa. They came to Reb Chaim Voloshin to sign on a chirim. Against the Hasidim After the Vilnogain died, the Vilnogain signed seven different chayyim in his life against the Hasidim Because he didn't want it to be said at any point that he gave in. After a person dies, everybody says, oh, he was a kadosh elyon, he was an amazing person. There's lots of revisionist history after a person dies. So the grow is afraid that he's gonna die, and the Hasidim are gonna say. Really, at the end of his life, there'll be some sort of chassidus shemayis. Really, at the end of his life, he did meet the alderabba, and he turned around and he became the biggest fan of chassidus. So he signed chayim after chayim that nobody should think that the groah wasn't the chassidus.

5:31 It was the greatest gift that the groah gave the world because the groah kept chassidus on the straight and narrow, and that's what allowed chassidus to come into the world. Chavos Chaim said that from Rav Chaim Wasserman. The groah signed many times. After his death, they went to Rav Chaim Vilozhiner and said, "Sign a chirim." Sign a chirim. We have to keep it going. The Gra died. We have to make sure to keep it going. So, Rav Chaim Volozhiner refused. Rav Chaim Volozhiner was the premier Talmud of the Gra. So they couldn't understand. They said, "Rebbe" You don't hold like your Rebbe. You're okay with the Chassidim. What are you doing over here? Rav Chaim Volozhiner answered. He said, "What do you mean? It's a pasuk in Chumash." He said, "Hashem came to Avraham Avinu And said, 'Go do Akedah Yitzchak. Go kill Yitzchak.' But when it came time to stop him from killing Yitzchak, he sent a malach.

6:26 So Chaim Volozhiner asked, "Why, when Hakadosh Baruch Hu sent him to go kill Yitzchak, did he come himself?" But when he tells him to stop, it's only through a malach. So Chaim Volozhiner says, 'Must be that if you are going to kill someone, you can't trust a malach. That you need to hear from Hashem Himself.' But to stop from killing somebody, you only need to hear from a malach. So he said, "My rebbe killed the chassidim." My rebbe was a malach Hashem. For sure, he heard it from Hashem that he should put the chassidim in chayyim. But me, I only heard from my rebbe. I only heard it from a malach. So I have no right to sign on the chayyim to kill the chassidim. Because I only heard it from my rebbe, who's a malach. I didn't hear it from Hashem. In other words. When a person has the shmir, because you ask yourself, what's really the difference between a shmir of a malach and a shmir of Hashem?

7:18 Hashem is Hashem, a malach is a malach, but isn't a malach much closer to Hashem? A malach has no bechirah choshes. Whatever a malach does is what Hashem wants. So why do we need? This is the implied question here. Why do we need Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself to protect us in times when the ga'im are fighting? Hakadosh Baruch Hu has good malachim. He could send down the malachim, and the malachim can protect us. It turns out in these situations of racham eshamayim, in these situations where things are mamish, like totally topsy turvy. You need Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself. Even though a Malach is an expression of the Rebbeinu Shalom without any bechira chafshes, it's not called Hashem. A Malach is a bria. It's a bria that because it sees Hashem so clearly, it has no bechira. But it's not Hashem bechvaydo ve'atme. It's like Hakadosh Baruch Hu took us out of Mitzrayim bechvaydo ve'atme. A nivele malach, the Hagaddah says. I took Hakadosh Baruch Hu, I took you out of Mitzrayim, not even a malach, but a malach is you, but it's still a bria.

8:19 The chiddush that the Eish Kodesh is saying That his understanding of the medrash Is that when the malachim are going up and down, the heinu when the nations of the world are fighting There's no such thing as a malach being enough. This needs to be Hashem Himself. It can't be through any medium. It can't be through any creation. Hashem Himself has to intervene. Kibamalach nemar kila yisal pshaychem. A malach is very impatient. A malach has no tolerance for sin. A malach has no tolerance for sin because a malach sees emes. That's a malach. When a malach is in the world, it sees emes. There are certain sadikim that are like this. That all they see is emes. This emes. This sheker, and that's the way they hold. There's no mitzvah of rachamim. Not because there's no mitzvah of rachamim itself, but because they say this the truth. You ever meet people like that?

9:09 They're very dogmatic. They have a very clear vision of this is the truth. There's something very beautiful about that. There's something very attractive. A chaver of mine sent his son to a certain yeshiva. This is a very complex person. He's a very thoughtful, nuanced, subtle person. So he went to his son's yeshiva, and it's one of these Israeli joints. He said the mashgiach there was giving fire and brimstone mussar. So I said, what does a complex man like yourself. Feel like when you're hearing that, dogmatic, this is the M. S. Type of mustard. So I was very surprised to hear this, especially from him. But he was right in a certain way. He said In a certain way, it's very attractive. When you're young, you like to hear things like that. Remember, you like to hear that rabbi who comes and says this is right and this is wrong, and it's very safe for us. It's very like we're eighteen or nineteen years old. We're right, wrong. I can do this. I can follow these rules. I can be a good person. Just tell me what to do. And you get older, and then somebody comes along and says, 'Wait, the shades of gray,' and it messes up your whole world. You're like, 'Wait a second.' So both sides could be right. Everybody's right. Nobody's right. How do I do this? How do I love every Jew? The issues become much more complex.

10:20 There's certain tzaddikim; they're malachim. Ploisaple sheichem. They have no sense of like You did the wrong thing. Now you're going to be held accountable. Period. But this is not the way. Of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, who is exceptionally merciful. I told you we're high and tiyom kippur. Hashem Baruch Hu is exceptionally merciful. I am the God of your forefathers. So here, the Rebbe says a beautiful thing: you have a Jew, and this Jew has no affiliation whatsoever. He has nothing. There is no reason for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to forgive him. For all the aviras that he's done, and look what he says. You're not in a state of being where you could say, 'This is my God.' You've done nothing in your life to say that this is your God. You're not living in that way. Even in such a case, a yid is a yid.

11:22 And we're born of Avram Yitzhak and Yaakov, and we have s'vos avos. And it's an amazing thing. I was talking to a boy this week. It's an amazing story. I can't get into all the details because it would be inappropriate. But it was a boy who went completely off the derech. Not completely off the derech. Like today's kids go a little off the derech and they call themselves off the derech. I'm talking about They're not shomer gey anymore. So they say I'm off the derech. They're on their phones on Shabbos. They ate a cheeseburger. There were no shades of gray. This man, this boy was finished. So he told an unbelievable ma'isa. He met some svar deshagadol who shook his hand and started crying with him and just sat there and cried with him. The boy did a complete one eighty. There was nothing in his life. He said to me this week, 'There was nothing in my life that there was any justification for that.' He didn't use the word 'hesairus' because he doesn't know that word yet. But there was no reason for that sense of awakening that occurred with him.

12:20 Didn't exist. There is such a thing as shosafos, the kolish baruch who takes care of us. We know this because probably at an age already where we have this, but I grew up like this. My father's best friend, his name is Hyman And Hyman and Toby, my aunt and uncle, Kibo. They loved me. I knew that they loved me. I knew that if I ever ran into them, they lived in Connecticut. I lived in the five towns. We weren't bumping into each other. Five towns people don't leave the five towns. Certainly not to go to Connecticut. Even New Jersey is a trip for us. But even to go to the city is a trip for us. West Hempstead already is like, why bother? But there's a certain If I knew that I was ever stuck in Connecticut, these people would take me in, no questions asked. I knew that if Chassid Shomstein happened to my entire family, Hayman and Toby would take me in.

13:10 What did I do to deserve such love? Nothing. But if we love the father, we love the children. Hakadosh Baruch Hu fell deeply in love. I know it sounds like a funny thing to say, but it's true. Hakadosh Baruch Hu fell deeply in love with Avraham Avinu. Avraham Avinu came and said, 'Your mission is my mission. I care what you have to care about.' And so Hakadosh Baruch Hu fell in love with all of his children, and all of us are the children of the Abanishim. And this is what he says: even if we have no suyos ourselves, Yachav Avinu, in that moment When the malachim are olam v'yardem, when all of the nations of the world are at war with each other, and there's no suyos for us whatsoever, it's Yidden that have totally assimilated, that in the times. We know again. There's a lot of revisionist history that everything was perfect before World War Two. Every single Jew was from. Nobody was ever above the derech. There was no problems.

13:57 I'm not sure why they forgot about the Enlightenment and the Reform movement and the Conservative movement, but there were certainly Yidden that were totally estranged from Judaism in the Warsaw Ghetto. And there were probably Jews in the audience. There were probably Jews that were there listening to the Ish Kodesh and saying to themselves. Now I'm being called a Jew and I'm being huddled into the Warsaw ghetto and what do I have to do with this? What's your issue with me? I never had anything to do with this. There's no schos for our kaddish baruch hu to be shy around these Jews. There's one schos. They're yid, and that might be the best schos. If you have a schos That you earned, is it really a schos? It's like. We spoke about this a little bit last week. If you did something, kav yachal, and you're getting paid back for it, so did you really earn it? You didn't really earn it.

14:52 It's like if my daughter gets a really good grade on her report card, and I tell her, you're gonna get a really good grade, we're gonna go out to Masubin. By the way, keep that in mind. That's a good one. It's like I don't know how somehow Masubin has lasted in our neighborhood. No restaurant has lasted in Beit Shemesh for decades. Masubin has stood the test of time. So then I take her out to eat. I say, Racheli, I love you very much. I took you out to eat. She goes, You owe me that. I did good on my report card. I'm like, I owe you that. But say that. That's a different conversation. We don't owe our children anything But sometimes we just love our children not because of anything that they've done. There's a love of atzmus. There's a love of your you, and I love you for no other reason other than the fact that you're you, and in many ways that's a greater type of love, the love that Hakadosh Baruch Hu has for us, not that we've earned, but simply because we're the children of Avram, Yitzchak and Yaakov. In a certain way, it's much more beautiful than the love that comes because of any mitzvah that we've done.

15:44 Does that make sense? It's I love you. Why do I love you? I loved your whole family. It's we know it when we get older. We know those are That's it's like My parents. It's a funny thing. My there's a girl that lives by my house. Not really lives by my house, but lives by my house. You know what I'm saying? Like she spends more time in my house than in her house. A week she sleeps in her house, but even then a lot of times she sleeps in my house. It's been for years. She's our neighbor across the street. My parents love her. I'm like you don't even know her, you don't spend time with her. So yeah, but she's Shira's good friend, she's Rechelle's good friend. She lives in your house. She's like my granddaughter. Like when you ever see grandparents adopt, you ever do this? You ever adopt grandchildren that are not your own? Some grandparents adopt the whole neighborhood. No, it's like she's everybody's Bobby. There's a personality like that. It's like everybody's eighty. He's like the candy man in Shul who's like a million years old and he's giving out candies from the time that he was twenty years old himself. You know those like rock hard candies.

16:40 And I think they got sophisticated today. They like to give out nice candies. But when I was a kid, it was like you wanted a rock hard candy that'll break your whole tooth. That guy will give it to you. And he was like a thousand years old back then. I don't know if he ever died. He could still be going. There's somebody who just takes everybody in. But you did nothing. Why am I taking you in? Because you're you. Because I know your parents. Because I know your grandparents. I start to play that game in yeshiva now. I'm at the age now where my friends' kids are sending their kids to mivdasareh. You, I remember when your dad got expelled from some cheder camp. I remember when your dad got suspended from yeshiva. Oh yeah, come, you'll be good. You'll be good. It's like there's a love that you have for these kids for no reason at all. That's a beautiful type of love. Vinekamitchilah kasev ani Hashem. This heart wrenching Beautiful heart wrenching stuff that the Rebbe is going to teach us now.

17:32 Vinekamitchilah kasev ani Hashem. The acher kav kasev ani chiyumcha. So the Rebbe is medayik. In the first pasuk It says, "Shem Hashem, ani Hashem" I am Hashem. Afterwards, it says, "Anoichi." The Rebbe here is going to point to the difference between what's Ani and what's Anoichi. It seems like it's the same word, Ani, Anoichi. It's called I. The difference between the Ani and the Anoichi is the chaf. V'isub Mar Shabbos. Anaychi nitriken ana nafshi ksavis yahavis. Gemara on Shabbos says that the word anaychi is nitriken. I think they call it in English anacrostic. There are certain words that we only know because of ArtsScroll. Nobody knew the word anacrostic or juxtaposition before ArtsScroll. There's ArtsScroll words. Anaychi is an acrostic for ana nafshi ksavis yahavis, which means I wrote my essence, my soul, into the Torah. That's what the Torah is. The Torah is not.

18:35 The expression of Hashem Torah is Hashem Because Hashem. Just to give it for a second, just to make sure we all have this hashkafa Hashem does not have parts, so you cannot say Hashem is wise. Because we are wise, you could say there's me and my wisdom. You can't say about Hashem he is wise. The only thing you could say about Hashem is he is one with his wisdom. Right? Which we don't. Which, as the Rambam says, no person could possibly understand. What does that mean? He is one with his wisdom. We have wisdom as a part. Hashem is one. If the Torah is the wisdom of Hashem, then what does that make the Torah? That's Him, because Hashem is one with His wisdom. So if Hashem is one with His wisdom, and the Torah is the wisdom of Hashem, then the Torah is Hashem. So when he says, 'When the Gemara says "Ana nafshik slavus yahves," it means I wrote my essence into the Torah. I didn't just write thoughts that I had. These are not just fancies that I wrote down in a diary. This is like I gave you my everything. It's the difference between good poetry and great poetry.'

19:39 Have you read great poetry? Great poetry is unbelievable. Great poetry is like stirring. The difference in good poetry and great poetry is not the cadence of the lines. You could feel the author's pain when they're writing. You could feel the author's like they were crying bitter tears when they wrote those words down. That's ona nachshik salvation habis. It's also with music too. It's the different. I don't. I won't say any. I won't say any musicians. I don't want to start any fights. But I know Miami Boys Choir got famous on TikTok. And the whole world is talking about Miami Boys Choir. This is for sure. Shiach is coming. Hundreds of millions of Gaon are dancing Are dancing to Yerushalayim. You probably have anti-Zionists in Berkeley. They're going to Yerushalayim. I'm not chaschol. I'm not saying bad about anybody. I'm really saying good about some people. But you know, I'm talking about the Jewish boy bands. It's like a It's like bad Gayish music. I was like, it's there's nothing Jewish about it. There's nothing soulful about it.

20:47 And then there's music. My dad used to say music in G minor. There's music that you close your eyes when you sing it and you And you dance in a certain type of way, and it moves you in a certain type of way. I had the schuss. Has anybody here ever heard of Mordechai Finkelman? He's a gem of a Jew. He's one of the real tzaddikim. He's done his best in his life to stay hidden as much as possible. In America, he's known now. He's a talmid of Moshe Wolfson, a real special person. So now he's a big mashgiach, but he was my seventh grade rabbi. It was like he was one of those people that tried to stay hidden. Yeah, I'll teach elementary school. Give me, put me wherever you put me. I remember that our eighth grade rebbe was a big talmud chacham. Used to get down on the floor and kiss the place where he davened, and he wasn't joking. It was like watching Rabbi Finkelman daven was the most gentle, beautiful thing in the world.

21:47 And he used to walk out of bar mitzvahs just to show you how far Jewish music has come. If we put on. Mashiach. He's like, sounds like Gaishan music And I remember being in seventh grade, going, "Rabbi, that seems extreme." But he called it pretty good. He knew what was coming. It's not so pushy what's happening today. But then you have Baruch Hashem, so many musicians on the other side, musicians like Like Rav Weinberger. I heard in a clip that I saw from him just now was talking about the Seder Havaideh from Yeshi Reba. And he said, "More Jews have come close to Yom Kippur from that song than from any shmuz that any Rebbe has ever given." No, there is a certain soulful. It's not; you can't sing somebody else's words like that. They have to be yours. They have to be something that came from within you, and you give it your whole chayas.

22:39 This is Ananafshik zavas yahavas. So shenimsa shani who beloik zavas. When Hashem says ani That's I, but without the writing. When Hashem says "Anoichi," that's I, but with the writing. What's the difference between writing and listening? If you listen to your husband tell you "I love you" That's a very beautiful thing. But if he writes you a letter That's much more beautiful, no? Because from time to time. You'll go into that little shoebox that you have of all the little trinkets that you have from all the things that you've kept And I know some people are more into that and some people are less into that. I have a nephew. Just married my niece, and he's like a pack rat. So he saved every single thing from every single day. And she's not like that at all. She's like, could you just throw that out to take up space in our apartment? And I'm like, could you sleep in the like? He's a nice guy.

23:42 There's times that a couple goes back, they're married twenty, thirty, forty years, they go back to those letters that they wrote each other when they were dating and engaged, when they had everything figured out before life actually happened. There's something very beautiful about reading those It stays with you, that's the difference between Sav and Dibor. The person says I love you, it's like okay thank you so much and you take it in, you do, but does it stay with you? It doesn't necessarily stay with you. Which is why sometimes there are people. Who, for whatever reason, are hurt in their life, and it doesn't matter how many times we say "I love you" to them It doesn't matter how many times they hear it, they feel like they never hear it.

24:18 And they say that you never say 'I love you,' and you're looking at them going, 'What are you talking about? I say I love you all the time.' And it's not like when a guy says 'I love you,' but he hasn't said 'I love you' in five years, but he just thinks he said 'I love you' because he doesn't know how to communicate. We're talking about an actual human being who knows how to say the words 'I love you' to another person. There are some people that they have no capacity to take it in. That's the nature of deep hurt; it doesn't necessarily stay with you. But when you write something, not an email. An email. I'm not talking about where you have a special thing in your thing, like letters, like on the side next to your spam. I'm talking about when you actually wrote. Did any of you write? You wrote, yeah. You wrote to people. It's a funny thing. In camp, they didn't make you write letters. You sent emails to your parents from camp. You wrote. You had to write. They gave you postcards. That made brain.

25:08 It was like a whole thing. You make a postcard. It was like a whole activity. I went to the cheapest camp. They gave us a piece of paper. They said make a postcard. There is something very beautiful about writing those letters. It's something I wrote my daughter's letters before they went to seminary. They go to seminary in Ofakim. So I hide the letters in different places for them to find when they get there. It's something beautiful that you wrote. It stays with you. Something you put away forever. This is. What the Gemara and Pesachim mean when it says that we don't pronounce the Shem Hashem. Why don't we pronounce the Shem Hashem? Why don't we say Yotivahvei? Why do we say the Shem Admas? Why do we call Hashem our Master and not use the actual name? But we know in the Beis Hamikdash, the Kohen Gadol did say Hakadosh Baruch Hu's name. So what's the difference?

26:08 Here the Rebbe says a beautiful chiddush. Normally we can't say Hashem's name because it doesn't stay with you. You say it and then it leaves. To say something that's not going to have kiym, and to say the Shem Hashem, it can't be. The Shem Hashem is kiym. Hashem is life. Hashem is all of existence. So to say Hashem's name and for it not to have kiym, for it to be something that you hear and it goes one ear and out the other, you can't say Hashem's name like that. But in the base I make dush. When Hakadosh Baruch Hu was revealed So when the Kohen Gadol would say Hashem's name, it had the din of Ksav. It was he was writing it to us. It was something that you left with you took it with you. It had Kiyum to it. That was what it was like to be in the Beis Hamikdash. Which bechla when people say okay what are we mourning for the Beis Hamikdash? We're not mourning for the brick and mortar of the Beis Hamikdash. We're mourning for the experience that Yidden have today.

27:03 That their entire Yiddishkeit is the bechyna of dibor That's all of today and this is what people want more than anything. People just want it to last. Having these conversations now with all the boys at the beginning of their shanaf and baruch shan, they're in that good place where they're like, Rabbi, how can we make the most out of this year? They have anxiety adjustment issues that they're going through, so they want to make the most out of their year. And what they're saying, and they'll say these words, is I'm tired of going up and down. I'm tired of going up and down in my Yiddishkeit. And I have to break the news to them that that's going to be forever. But it's like no, Rebbe. I think I could do it. That's what we all really want: the bechinah beis hamikdash. We want to be able to say, I'm with you, and I don't want to have any more lapses in this relationship. That it should just be, that it's the bechinah of ksavah. That I can look at it and it's clear as day, and I can see the shem Hashem written down in front of me, and Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence and His love and His compassion and His warmth will be felt in every single thing that we do. This is what everybody's looking for.

27:57 So therefore, in the Beit Hamikdash, it was possible to say Hashem's name. Because in the Beit Hamikdash, when you spoke, it was like it was written on your soul; you walked away with it. However, now, when speech is just speech and it doesn't get written down; it doesn't stay with you. That feeling of. Of the kedusha that we have inside of us, it weakens. So we're not allowed to say Hashem's name because it won't be real to us to say Hashem's name. Because in five minutes from now, everything that we just inspired by is completely gone. It's like what's that joke that they say on Yom Kippur? On Yom Kippur, we say Baruch Hashem Kavod Machuso La'ulam Vayet out loud. We don't say it quietly. Because on this day we're like a malach, we can say Baruch Shem Kavod Malchuso Leolam Vod out loud. So they ask the question, why by myrev of Yom Kippur Why do you say Baruch Shem Kavod Malchuso Leolam Vod quietly?

29:08 Thirty seconds ago you were saying nila So now all of a sudden you're saying Baruch Shem Kavod Malchuso Leolam Vod out loud. So there's different yeshivish jokes to answer this question. It's because of all the lashon hara that you spoke about the chazan on Yom Kippur. He went too slow. He went too fast. I didn't like this niggun. I didn't like that nisoch. So already you're not on the vichin of a malach anymore. It's because we're running to go eat. That's also we're already out of the world. But the emesis The emesis, because it doesn't last. Because that's because we're going back into the world. That's the beauty of Of Shemini Atzeres Simchas Torah. That Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, stay with me one more day. I can't bear to leave you. I can't bear to be away from you. It's completely illogical. It's like that couple.

29:54 They know they'll see each other again soon. It's like I don't want you to go. I don't want you to go. So for us, the inspiration doesn't last. It's bechinas diber. Everything we're doing is we hear it. It does. It inspires us. It has an impact. But then it leaves when we go back to our regularly scheduled program. And here's where the ish kodesh is just heartbreaking. He says veheine b'shasha tsar lano. He says and now in this time we're in so much pain. We're sitting in a time where these sarim, these malachim of the ummah saulim, these nations of the world are going up and down. And they're fighting each other. And because what happens in times of great pain, and this is the unfortunate reality of our world, in times of great pain. We're forced into a posture of openness. We're forced into a posture of feeling.

30:56 Because you have no choice. You'll either crumble from the pain, or you'll submit to the pain. And even if you crumble from the pain, then the next thing is to submit to the pain. Because at some point you can't. Had a boy in my office this week. He's suffering terribly. And it's a pachad to see how badly he's suffering. I feel for him very deeply. And he's He does not believe that there's anybody in the world that loves him. And he's not. It's not like a. He's not saying like a. And nobody loves me. He's saying there's nobody in the world that loves me. And I pressed him. I said, "When's the last time you had a conversation with your father?" He said, "The first time I had a conversation with my father was right before I left the yeshiva, so that was the first time." He said, "For years, I pushed. I haven't seen my father." He told me I come home after my mother. He said my mother is locked in her room. We barely speak.

31:48 He has tremendous resentment against his brothers and his sisters. It's a wild story. He's mamish He is alone in the world. There's like that story they say about the The father that gives the kid the credit card and he says, "You can buy whatever you want, but you can't speak to me." That's this kid. He's got a credit card. He's got nobody in the world that loves him. And because Because he did not want to submit to the pain That he's been feeling for the last couple of years. Because you know what they do. They're going to figure out ways to numb that pain to make sure they don't just get destroyed by the pain. So all the things you're thinking of, he did all of those things. All the things that a person would do to numb those pains at that age. The boy himself doesn't know. I'm telling him it's okay. You're a human being. You did this. You're normal. This is what anybody would have done in your situation. And he's sitting there telling me, No, Rabbi, I'm a terrible Jew. I'm like, You're not a terrible Jew. You're a person in terrible pain. He's like, You don't understand, Rabbi. I did so many avers. I say, You didn't do one avir in your entire life. What are you talking about? You just don't know how to manage the pain that you're holding.

32:45 This is the only way that you could go through this to stop doing those things that you're doing and to open up and actually experience what's happening. And he's going to do it. He's going to be unbelievable. He's mamish. This kid could be incredible if he opens himself up to the pain. This is I believe what the Eish Kodesh was doing. And again, every week when we learn these things, I'm sitting there blown away by how the Rebbe was so in tune to the needs, the psychological, the soulful needs of the. Of the chevrer there, but this is what he's telling him. We're in a state where we're so open emotionally, and we're standing. We machni ourselves before Hashem. Our hearts are open. And we're standing in awe of you, Hashem. We want so deeply to connect to you. So now we need to etch all of these words into our hearts.

33:37 Because our heart is so open, because it's such a time of tsarv, so much pain in our lives, so now is the time where we need to etch these diburim into our heart. He says, "There's no doubt Hashem is going to help us quickly, even though the Yishtudosh didn't make it through the war." But he says he was sure. There's no doubt that Hashem is going to help us quickly. He's saying there's an opportunity here, which is also a tremendous thing, to give people value and meaning in their suffering, to be able to say this is an opportunity that you can't get anything without this opportunity. He's saying right now we're in a man where Hakadosh Baruch Hu has put us in a ma'atzar, he's put us in the straits, and we're in so much pain, and our hearts are so open. He said there's an unbelievable opportunity now to take this feeling that you have, that you're machniyah yourself, that you know that there's nowhere else to turn except for Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

34:31 I need this to last because very soon this war is going to be over. Very soon these malachim, these umos olam are not going to be fighting with each other. And what will be in ten years from now? Will you still feel that same feeling that you have in the Warsaw Ghetto when you are surrounded by the Nazis and Machshemam, and you have nowhere else to turn? Baruch Hashem Baruchu. Will you take that with you? We have to make that. We have to etch that into our hearts. There has to be a chakika. We have to take them from being diburim to being sivah. And now he ties it back to our original question. He says, "Lachen mitchilak siv ani Hashem leke avicha v'achakach anoichi imcha." First, it says ani, and then it says anoichi. She tishtadel lavo la anoichi imchav gamkz gamkzavis. I need to move in my life from being ani to being anoichi.

35:21 I start off in a situation where there's no ksav, only diburim, only Hashem talking to me, and I hear it, and it goes into my heart, and then it goes out and doesn't last. He says no, it needs to go from being an ani to aneihi. That's why there's two shmiras. There's a shmirah of ani and there's a shmirah of aneihi. When the malachim are ulelim viyardem, Hashem Himself is watching us, but it needs to go from being something that I hear to something that I live. Sheyishar kasev bekerbecha vaaz aneihi imchatamid. That it should become something like the Beis Hamikdash. That it should be written inside of us. And then, Blessed be Hashem, the Anochi will stay with us forever.