Aish Kodesh - 8 (Vayishlach)

2:28 They say a miser that was the Kleisenberger Rebbe. That the Kleisenberger Rebbe asked in the DP camps. He was walking around going, 'Is this it?' No Mashiach? Because this it? He couldn't believe that after all of the pain that they had been through, there was no culmination of Of something unbelievable that would happen immediately. That they thought that they were going to ride off into the sunset. Like with all the pain that we just caused, it can't be that the end of that story is just say there. So they didn't die. Again, Nachumol they didn't die. The pain of Yaakov Avinu's question, the way that the Eish Kodesh understood it Is this the way it'll always be that you'll fight and you'll hurt me? And Dafka again, Eish Kodesh doesn't say this, but it's said in many places that Dafka he hit him in the gethanosha because the gethanosha is the makam halado.

3:19 Meaning so Yaakov Avinu understood that whatever happened in this fight is going to happen over and over again And you want to leave. The Hainu, I emerged victorious in the sense that you hurt me, but I didn't die. So is that it? Is that all there is? Is this going to be the way it is forever and ever? Omayata yeshuva al matzavim, shahayu kaidim shasavlu. So I'm just going to return to the state that I was before we had this fight. Before I had to be sovil all of this pain. Loike, can't be. Yaakov Avinu refuses to allow this to happen to all of his children. These words, 'lokin,' are very powerful words. I said them in the wrong way. I can't imagine the way the Ishkodas said them. I imagine the Ishkodas screamed them from their heart. That can't possibly be. That Yaakov Avinu would allow.

4:08 He can't allow that this is going to be the way it is throughout history. That there's nothing gained from every hell we've been through. It can't be. Raklei eshul chakim berach tani. It's dafka you. You need to bless me. Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That Hakadosh Baruch Hu's bracha is one thing, but it needs to be that there's a bracha that comes from the Malach of Esav. More than just we survived in this moment, there needs to be something that comes from this struggle. That the struggle itself becomes a bracha. Shacharei yisurim yeshirim Hashem be yisshua. Leirakshi spatim mitzaroseyim b'vad. There needs to be a yisshua. This is a big word now. Because up until now, what would we have thought? We say, "Ana Hashem Hayishana." What does it mean, Yeshua? Yeshua means I'm in a tough situation. Yeshua means, Rebbe Nachshon, we have no money. My husband lost his job. Send us a Yeshua that my husband should have a job. That's not a Yeshua.

5:04 That's not Yeshua. Yeshua is not just go back to the place that were beforehand. Beforehand, we were barely making it. Now we're not making it all. Bring back to a place of barely making. That's not Yeshua. Or Yeshua is that the situation we were in beforehand, the precariousness of that situation, it should no longer be. Meaning, I'm living in a totally different existence. Having come through the melchama that I just went through, there has to be something magnificent at the end. Could you imagine if the Eish Kodesh would have known what was going to be just a couple years, the beginning of this whole process? It was like prophetic words what he was saying. Because we know I don't like the return to Eretz Yisrael. I just want to be clear, I don't love the notion that we have Eretz Yisrael so that the world won't commit another genocide. That's not putting those two things together. But what I would say is it's certainly true historically that the death of one created the birth of another. That's certainly true.

6:12 Our ancestral rights to Eretz Yisrael certainly precede the Holocaust. And we, the argument to the world should not It's like the first Rashi in Chumash. Why do you get Eretz Yisrael? We had a Holocaust. We have Eretz Yisrael because Rabbi Shlom gave us Eretz Yisrael, and this is the organic, natural state of Jew. But it's certainly true that it was born out of the death of the Holocaust, and that's what Yeshua means. Yeshua means that you go through something like this, and the salvation at the end is something that's mind-boggling. It's not just a return to what was. It's something that's extraordinarily different. We daven sometimes in a very small-minded way. Very narrow-minded, like if your children are probably young, but when you get a little older Please let this kid stop making me crazy. It's like a very small way of davening. Davening for Yeshua Hashem.

7:10 Yeshua Hashem means, Rebbe Nachum. This could be amazing. This could be something like born out of this destruction. Could be something incredible. We have to train ourselves that when we're going through something like this, that when we're in the state of battling with the Malach of Esav in our own lives That the tefillah should be a tefillah of Yeshua and not just a tefillah that there should be a petur, that there should be a relief from the pain that I'm caused. I think that's the key. That's the keyword. Are we searching for relief or are we searching for something growth oriented? Are we searching that this should become something that leads to something fundamentally different? We know that the Malchav Esav is the Malchav Sama. It's brought down in many places. The Shlach Kodesh brings it down. We know the path of success. The pasuk says, "Ubala hamavas lanetzach." He quotes it in a moment.

8:10 That the pasuk in Yeshaya says that at the ultimate level, there is no such thing as death. Death is a cosmic accident. Death is a result of the chait of Adam Harishon. And in a world that Adam Harishon is rectified, there is no need for death. The Ramchal in Derech Hashem, where he describes that it's like a fade to white. In the movies, it's like a fade to black. It's like a fade to white. It's the transparency of Hakadosh Baruch Hu and Olam Habah that becomes so transparent that there is this paradoxical reality where Olam Hazeh exists lechalutin. But Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence is so clear that the harmony, the synthesis of the physical and the spiritual, is so deep that there is no such thing as death. Which, if you think about it, makes sense because all of death happens from a lack of synthesis.

9:03 All death is what occurs when the system breaks down. Because ultimately the system has parts. Our heart pumps blood to the rest of our body, and if one part of that system breaks down, that's what we call a heart attack. But that's only because we're living in a world of parts. What would happen if we were living with simple unity, where our Kaddish Baruch's oneness was so pervasive in the world that there was no such thing as parts anymore And the body draws its vitality from the soul in a fashion that's totally organic. So there's no such thing as the breakdown of the system. The body would become so suffused with the godliness of the soul that death would not be a possibility. It wouldn't be shayin. It wouldn't even make sense. So then what happens to the Malach Samuel? So the mem from the Malach Samuel is removed.

9:54 The mem and now the Malach's name is Saal. That's what happens. Why is the mem dafka moved? The Eish Kodesh says shuv bechinas maves. Mem eludes to the idea of death. So when the pasuk says 'ubala hamavas lanetzach,' what that means is the way that Hakadosh Baruch Hu removes death in the spiritual world is he kills the malach samuel. So that's also a not for now. It's kubegneset, but that's also a big idea of what exactly is a malach and what is the role of the malach samuel because of course. The Malch Samuel is also a Malach of Hashem But the Mem from the Malch Samuel means that the task of this Malach is to bring death into the world, so to kill death in the world. Because there is a spiritual system, and from that spiritual system, all physical things occur. So the death of Malch Samuel is what allows life to be eternal in this world.

10:53 It's clear, just to make sure everyone understands, it's this world, meaning it's a physical world. It's a physical world that paradoxically is suffused with godliness. The way that, and this is what the shloak explains, the way that Hakadosh Baruch Hu kills the Malchus Amal is by changing his name. That's why Yaakov Vefinu asks the Malchus. We'll see in a moment. What's your name? Because he wanted to know if I was successful in bringing about a state of Olam Haba in which there is no more death. And so that in that whole back and forth between Yaakov Vefinu and the Malchus Esav, and B'chol that's a funny. Why did it happen here by Pacham Ketanim? Why does it happen as a prelude to the story of Yaakov and Esau, these are very deep in yonim. But at least for right now, to simply say that what Yaakov Avinu was attempting to do was to bring about the eternity of Chalitzal at that stage in creation.

11:40 How was he doing that? He was hoping he got to a stage where the Malach he was fighting with had his name changed and the Mem was removed. Tvi Yishu ba Osiyos Sa'el b'Gamatria Hava'ya and Admas, meaning the Gamatria of Sa'el is ninety one. And when you combine the gematria of the Sheim Adamos and the Sheim Havaya, it's ninety-one, which means that the Malach Samuel has now revealed his truest purpose. Which was that the Malach should always be defeated, like the Zayin Hakadosh says. Again Eish Kodesh doesn't say this, but I believe this is what the Eish Kodesh means. That there was once a king. The Zayin Hakadosh says there was once a king. And the king wanted his son, the prince, to become king. So he tested him by hiring a zayna to accost the prince when he was outside of the palace. And that the prince should learn to withstand this test would be a way for him to grow and become a king.

12:45 The Zayin Hakadosh says, when the prince passes the test, the king makes a banquet. And seated at the dais of the banquet is the king, the prince, and the zayna. Because although the zayna She wanted to do her best because she was hired by the king in order to seduce the prince. The catch twenty two of the zayna in this case is that she does everything she can to entice the prince, but really in the deepest recesses of her heart. Of course, she wants the prince to be successful. At the dais of the banquet The celebration of the zayna in her quote-unquote failure is actually her success. And this really the Malach Samal. The Malach Samal is the Yitzhara. This the. It's all the same person. The Malach Samal doesn't want to be the Malach Samal. That's the chiddush of all these things: that buried within the struggle itself, buried within the fight for life, the fight for growth.

13:53 Buried within that itself is the desire to be overcome And that's no small matter. Because despite the fact that the Malach Samuel will do everything it can to entice us in life If we know that we're fighting an enemy that wants to lose, that already gives us psychologically a leg up. Because I know how to say this. I'll say it like this. It's not the nicest way of saying this, but it's an honest way of saying this. Sometimes you like start a fight with your husband, but you see you're not going to win it because the level of determination is very high. So you go, 'This is not the fight to win.' You know what I'm saying? It's not a nice way of saying it, but it's a true way of saying it. Sometimes we come up against another person. We're like, 'Nope, wrong time, wrong place.' I'll win a different one. You go, say it. It's fine. And sometimes you see that the resolve of the person is not 100 percent. When the resolve of a person is not 100 percent, that's when.

14:49 That's when you have the capacity to win. You can't beat a person who has a hundred percent resolve. That's why we can't fight our children in the supermarket when they want a cookie. Because the resolve is one hundred percent. There's no such thing as beating a child. Children have one hundred percent resolve, and that's why we wear them down. By the time they get to be seven and eight years old, we teach them we're stronger, and our resolve is stronger. Until they become teenagers, and they realize no, it's not. Our resolve is stronger. This is. And then we marry them off happily, right? But this the Bezrashah. But this the knowing that the Malach Samuel wants to be killed. That the Malach Samuel, in his heart, meaning in his essence, is really Havaya and Adnos. It's called Kulo Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And the fact that it's Havaya and Adnos together tells you about the elevated nature of the Malach Samah. That really, really, this entire thing is one godly plan to build Hashem Diri B'Tachtonim. Because if there was no struggle, and if there was no death, and if there was no push to become the person that you have inside of you, if that doesn't exist So then where would we bring Hashem into?

15:58 In other words, Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants a physical world. It must be. How do we know that Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants a physical world? Because we're here. And it's not like Islam where we say Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants us to transcend the physical world and then we'll have everything we get up in Shamayim. Eilam Aba is down in this world. Eilam Azay is the world as it is. Eilam Aba is the world as it will one day be. So Hakadosh Baruch Hu creates a system where the physicality of the world dominates over the spirituality of the world, where the Malach Samael is so powerful, so that we can struggle with the Malach Samael to reveal the godliness within this physical world. That's the whole insight. The physicality, the malachim of the world, wants to be overcome. It wants to be imbued with godliness. It wants to have its essence revealed. That's why they say a ma'aseh that Rabbi Levine was walking once with a talmud, and the talmud absent-mindedly, like I don't know if you did this when you were kids. Like sometimes there is like a branch sticking out, and so you just put your like fingers on the branch and you like take off like all the leaves. You like can like take off all the leaves.

17:02 So he did that, and Rabbi Levine looked at him and said, 'What did you just do?' He's like, what do you mean? I just picked some leaves. He's like, there was a malach for every one of those leaves that was telling it to grow. Why? Meicher Tasi, you have the right to destroy that malach. And that's such an extremely sensitive way of seeing the world. They have the beautiful picture. Maybe you'll get this picture. It's an amazing picture. There's a picture of Rav Elia Lapian, who's the great mashgiach. Rav Elia Lapian. There's a picture of him feeding the cats. Because in the beginning of the state of Israel, we have cats in this country. The natural solution to the mice that were in this country was to bring in the cats. So Rabbi Yisrael Apayom was very upset that the government, after they brought in the cats and the cats killed all the mice, he said, "But who's feeding the cats?" It's like we brought them in. We have to take achrayas for these cats. That's a sensitive thing. There are pictures in the yeshiva where Rabbi Yisrael Apayom was mashgiach, and he would put out saucers of milk for the cats.

17:57 And I'm not on that level so when I hear the cats in the garbage meowing like children in Eretz Yisrael I'm always like whose kid needs to be rescued from the garbage it's not I don't think to bring them milk I'm sure Aviel would have brought them milk but I'm not on that level but there's a sensitivity to the godliness of all things there's meaning the way that the tzaddikim see the world That physicality is something to be overcome or subdued, but it's that it has within it a godliness that needs to be accessed, which is, of course, the real reason why this whole story happened with Pachin Katan, because Yaakov Avinu is going back for these small jugs. There's Matzio Solomon, said Mashgei of Lakewood. The way he said it is, he said, "Marshal the Mahadavar Daima," that there was once a very poor man that had nothing; he was living on a park bench.

18:49 And he went to sleep, and before he goes to sleep, as he's saying Shema, he davenes to Rabbenu Shalom. He says Rabbenu Shalom. I don't even care that I'm on a park bench, but I don't even have a negel vaser that I can wash negel vaser in the morning when I wake up. Please at least give me a negel vaser. And when the homeless man wakes up the next day, what's next to him is a negel vaser full of water, and he excited like a nace in Shamayim, and he washes negel vaser with such a slavos, it creates such a rush in Shamayim. And our Kadosh Baruch Hu says: We have to give this guy everything. And in a short amount of time, he becomes a mamash and usher. First, he buys a small house, then he buys a bigger house, and finally he's moving into a mansion. Did everyone make Aliyah from America? Did you all make Aliyah from America? Did you? You didn't make Aliyah. You were here.

19:36 South Africa. Good. That's also good. So you probably had people pack for you in South Africa. From what I understand, there's a whole chevrat kedusha over there that does all the work for you. What in the world did you come to this country for? We have to hire our Filipinos; they cost us money. It's like my wife has a South African chavrusha. She's like this woman has help coming out the wazoo. So when they're packing, you hire people to pack for you. I packed myself a friar. I wanted to save a couple bucks, but you know, today we hire people to pack for us. They come. It's amazing these people. They pack, you know, they pack like two hours and your whole house is gone. What would take us five days to do, they do in maybe two hours. They come because they have the boxes. They know how to do it. And they come with that special tape and they wrap everything up. It's a g'vul to see.

20:27 So imagine that they get to the mansion. And they see this wealthy man. The movers see this wealthy man. He's tearing open the boxes and he's going mashugana. He's like, I can't find it. I can't find it. The movers say to him What can't you find? He says, I can't find my plastic megilas. They're looking at him like he's a mashugna. What do you mean you can't find your plastic nagelvasser? You're a billionaire. You could buy a thousand plastic nagelvassers and it'd be nothing to you. He said, No, we got to go back. They drive back. They tear apart the old house. Finally, they find the nagelvasser. And they don't understand because for him that nagelvasser is everything. For him that nagelvasser was a gift from Shamayim. So as we're talking about Solomon, that's what it was for Yaakov Vino. He it was the bechina of. It was the bechira of you going back for a small megolvaser.

21:13 Is the small megolvaser that you're going back for you or for the rebbeinu? That was the fight between Yaakov Vino and the Malach Avesof. Yaakov Vino, of course, is the bechira of Yud Eikev, Eikev from the lation of the physical, Yud from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Yaakov Vino's job was to draw down all the physical, all the godliness into the physical world. That's why he grabbed the heel of Esav. This is the depth of that story. That's not necessarily what the Eish Kodesh says. We'll go back. The Malach Kadosh beinsarim Malach. So what happens after the Malach Samal is killed? It's a tremendously holy Malach, like with all the other unbelievable Malachim. Lachein acher shiyakov vinu nesavik imo. So after Yaakov Vinu struggles with the Malach, betik and eshkolto B'asar veichino legeula haasido, and now that Yaakov Vinu rectified his chilek. Of the Malach of Esav, and he's prepared the way for the ultimate Geulah.

22:08 Kfar Neskadish Hamalach. So now the Malach Samuel in Yaakov's mind is now the Malach Sael. Ubi Kes Kfar Teves Yisrael. At this point, the Malach only has a desire for revealed good. And it's up until now the Malach of Esav also wants what's good for Klal Yisrael, but it's not in a revealed way. Now that the Malach Samal has been killed, and now it's Sa'el, the Mem has been removed, so now it's just pure revealed good, godliness. It's all good. So Amar Loi. So now the Malach asks Yaakov Hashem, what's your name? Vayomer Yaakov, and he responds, My name is Yaakov. So he shiv lo haMalach ine Hashem Yaakov u'she yadoi eichezas be'ekav Esav v'chol haYeshua shalayat ato. The Malach is saying to Yaakov, 'Not tell me your name because I don't know it.' The Malach is telling Yaakov, 'There's been a fundamental shift in the struggle that we had. Something changed.'

23:13 Your name was Yaakov because you grabbed onto the heel of Esav, which meant that every victory that you had over Esav only comes after you've already been trampled by the heel of Esav. So the fights that you've had up until now are that you have to lose and then you emerge victorious. The Nespatar makevayim. So now you're putter. You're removed. You're removed from this notion of being trampled on by Yosef. You're davening. This is what he's saying. He's saying you're coming to me and you're saying I demand the Yeshua. It can't just be that we leave this situation and then we're right back in the same place. Just now I'm not being killed anymore. That's not enough. So Yaakov's demanding something more. The Malach is saying to him, No, you're not in that place anymore. The place that you were, where you get trampled, and now you're victorious. But you're saying, Where's the Yisshu? Where's the growth that comes from this? Where's the unbelievable salvation? You're not in that place anymore.

24:18 That's not where we're holding anymore. Shay Yeshua's to the end of Chaberoish v'Sarisa. Now you're no longer in a state where your victory comes from destruction, and now Memela comes the growth. The name Yisrael indicates something greater than that. It indicates that from the very beginning you are already victorious. That your power is absolute. This is what it will be, La'asod L'Avim. That's what the Malach is saying to Yaakov. You're still Yaakov. We know his name is still Yaakov, but there's a dimension now that changed. You don't have to go through it. My wife said it very well. It doesn't have to be this hard. You ever think about it? It doesn't have. Sometimes in life, where we're like, it's just so hard, and I'm always feel like I'm being trampled, and I get up, and I'm being trampled, and I get up, and I'm being trampled.

25:14 But ultimately I'm victorious because I'm alive and I'm moving and I'm doing. But that's a yakhav avinu mahalch. It's very hard. There's another dimension in our lives called Yisrael where it doesn't have to be this hard. Where we could just be victorious. That we don't have a victim mentality. That we have to arise from. That we are able, from the very beginning, to say I've got this. It's okay. I'm winning. Not winning from a position of losing. I'm winning in life. And that's the bechena of Yisrael. That's what he's saying. That's what the Malach is saying to him. You shouldn't identify as Yaakov anymore. You shouldn't look. When you look at the nations of the world, don't look at the nations of the world. They're like coming for you, and they're going to trample you. But don't worry. Eventually, you'll survive. It's bigger than that. You're going to be in a place where they're not coming for you.

26:02 I can't imagine what it was like for the Eish Kodesh to say these words to those Yidden in the Warsaw Ghetto. Where they were being trampled. The reality is that they were being trampled. So he was telling them, and this is astounding. The shmuzin are astounding. The sensitivity that the Eish Kodesh had. He wasn't denying their pain. He wasn't saying you're not being trampled. He was saying there's a dimension of a Jew that's not victorious from a place of we survived. But there's a dimension of a Jew that's not even in the struggle. That's an unbelievable thing to think about. And that they were able to stand with a little bit of Jewish pride. Because if you're in the Warsaw Ghetto and everything is happening to you So then where's your sense of dignity? How do you come out from that? This is what the Eish Kodesh is doing. He's restoring dignity. He's saying no.

26:54 You're you're you're a person And there's a dimension of you that is untouched by this molchama that's happening. There's a dimension of you that's not within this place of struggling to make it through and then demanding the Yisrael afterwards. There's a dimension of you that's Yisrael. And then, with that in mind, listen to the next paragraph because the next paragraph is a blow away. He says, "Va'oy remes ha'malachlo." The Malach also has another remes here. He's saying something else, but it's in my It's oyla bekenachas. It's all one thing. Kisarisa emalokim, the emanoshem v'tuchal. We know that the word Yisrael means that you struggled with God and with man, and you were victorious. Sarisa miloshon sar. This is big. To struggles kisarisa emelokin that you struggled with God. Sarisa is from miloshon of to be a lord. To be to be to be a master.

27:51 And in this case, he says mikaydim sarisa. Initially, you were a lord. And now, because of that lordship that you have Comes the victory. Gam kaidem vatuha. Gam keshahayut sarasecher rabbis ma'od. Gam sarisa loinaf ol ruchacha bekerbucha. Rakam az hayisa bekerbucha sair. You didn't lose yourself. Look what he says. Loinaf ol ruchacha bekerbucha. You did not lose yourself in the middle of that struggle. You remained the master over yourself. You remained lord over yourself in the middle of this struggle. Which is also a very big thing to say because we say this. You ever hear these words come out of your mouth or hear other people say them. I feel like I lost myself. You ever have that? I feel like I lost myself. I feel like I lost myself. Could mean a million different things. I feel like I lost myself with this person.

28:49 And I just was like we were in such a state of Going up against each other, and the friction was so deep that I lost myself as a person. I was no longer in control of myself. I didn't know how I was showing up to the relationship anymore. I could not allow another person to show up in a relationship differently. And from that place of losing ourselves, we create a tremendous amount of destruction. We always know when we've lost ourselves when we're blaming somebody else. Brene Brown says I like this very much. She says blame is discharge of emotion. Holding someone accountable is very different than blame. A person holds accountability when they are assar over themselves. L'marshal, if somebody is treating you inappropriately A person who is the It's not self-control. It's more than that. It's a true sense of rooted self in the middle of that machlokes. They're firmly planted. They're not going anywhere. You can't move these people.

29:58 When they're being treated inappropriately, they don't get into the emotional game. They're not there to fight. They say a very simple thing: "I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me." And it's like a very clear boundary. That's not going to work for me. I know somebody that did this actually. They were in a situation where the place that they were working for was playing games with them financially. And so, rather than make a fight and rather than get upset and walk into the boss's office and storm off This person just said "It doesn't work for me to work in an institution where I'm not getting paid. So he said this to the person. He said, "It just doesn't work for me." So the person says, "No, we're going to pay you. We just have to worry." I understand where you're coming from, and I've been down this road before with you guys. I can't continue to walk down that road. So I just need to know Yes or no, is it going to happen? Is it not going to happen? Is the president's livelihood?

30:50 And they said. This person was hemming away, and he said, 'I think it's a good idea for us to part company.' And he walked away. He walked away from the job, and it was like in the middle of the project, in the middle of the thing, and the people on the other side were "How do you walk out in the middle? Where's your level of responsibility?" And he held his own in that situation. We're not like my level of responsibility to you is dependent on your level of responsibility to me. I'm telling you, this is what works for me, and this is what doesn't. So I'm not participating in a system that's going to schlepp me into that place of losing myself. It wasn't just a brave thing that he did. And I was in there thinking, does this person have a tremendous amount of money that they could just leave in the middle of their thing? And they didn't. But they were not in a place where they were going to be thrown into a system where they had to fight for their payment. And this person told me, I'm not showing up to work and they're resentful.

31:43 I'm not doing that in my life. I'm not showing up to work resentful. I was like, as a father, as a husband, I couldn't do that. I don't think I could do that. I would be the one to participate in the toxic system, blame the toxic system, and then say and blame my family and feel resentful toward them because I'm doing this because of you, and I'm stuck in the sick system otherwise. There are people that don't play that game. They're in such a state of self control that when the person is coming at them inappropriately, it doesn't work for me to participate in the relationship like this. There's no fight with that person. And they're not threatening. That's also the key. Because the threat is also blaming. If you do this, I'm leaving. That's a threat. This is a very simple thing. This is what it looks like to be in a relationship with me. There's a mastery over themselves. You see it a lot with teenagers and parents. Nobody knows how to drive a mother crazy like a 16-year-old daughter. A 16-year-old daughter is a master.

32:38 It's not manipulation. They've just grown up with this mother. You know what they say in psychology? If it's not one thing, it's your mother. The 16-year-old daughter knows very well her mother's buttons, and she's pushing them from a place of pain, from whatever it is that she's going through. There are parents that lose themselves to that. There are parents that need to control. It comes out in such an intense fashion because I'm so. It's again born from a lot of fear and our own ability to process our own emotions. But it's like I'm so not okay with myself. You must be like this. And then there are parents that don't show up like that. They don't show up at all like that. They're not playing that game with their kids. It's like, this is where you are right now. I'm here with you because that's where you need me to be. I'm still okay. I'm not falling for that trap.

33:26 There's There's a mother in particular that I'm thinking of. The first time that I ever spoke with this mother, I'll never forget where I was. I was driving on the Pacific Coast Highway, on the PCH, to San Diego from Los Angeles. Anyone here ever driven that? I give you all a bracha. Never leave Eretz Yisrael, but if you're going to drive the PCH, it's an amazing drive. It's like a three-hour drive from Los Angeles to San Diego, and it's on the Pacific Coast, so it's very hard to concentrate because it's so beautiful and it's so blue. And you're driving like this. Every two seconds you're like, it's amazing. There's a place to stop on the side of the road. I stopped. I saw they have seals on the beach. In Farakway they have needles and dogs, and here they have seals, mamish, on the beach. It's beautiful. So I have three hours that I'm in the car. I'm in America. I schedule phone calls with parents.

34:14 So there's one kid in yeshiva who was messing around. It had reached the level where I had to speak to the mother. So I'm on the phone. The mother calls. She says to me, "Obviously his name was not Ruven, so I'll say his name was Ruven." And she said, 'Rebberg, how are you?' So tell me, is Ruven lying or manipulating? Which one? I'm like, what? I wasn't prepared. I'm used to the defensive mother. I'm used to the mother that tells me that her son is a tzaddik, and I have to break the news to her that he is a tzaddik, but not in the way you think. It's like a different type of sitkus. It's a shavu ypolak, tzaddik v'kam type of sitkus. And this mother's like, so he's a big manipulator, but sometimes he manipulates with ms, and sometimes he lies straight out. Which one is he holding by right now? So I said to her, be honest, I don't think I've ever spoken to a mother who speaks that way. She said, I'm very aware of who my children are.

35:03 And we had a very long relationship. All of her children ended up coming to yeshiva, and in the context of knowing her, she's a really special person. She was able to have such unbelievable knowledge of her kids, because she had a really healthy degree of distance from them, meaning she wasn't totally invested. She loves them like off the charts, but they didn't define her in any way. She never lost herself, and her kids were. Pashis, all of them, in their own beautiful way, and they all ended up baruch shem amazing. But in their own way, they were all these wildflower type of children. They were all over the place, and she was very good. She's like, that's okay. You're entitled to go through what you're going through, and it was amazing to watch. Was because so many of us have such a strong need to control life because of the fragility of life. We have such a strong need to do that, and it indicates a lack of that.

35:57 Sarisa loy nafal ruchacha bekarbecha. You never lost yourself. I'm trying to think about what it must have been like to tell those Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto who have lost their homes That are hearing these rumors that these concentration camps are happening That Jews are being taken off and disappearing by the tens of thousands And he's saying to them You have self mastery right now. That's there for you because you're Yisroel. There's a possibility. Not only a possibility in the sense that you could do it psychologically, but it's part of your design that you're capable of holding your own in these situations. And again, that's such a tall order. But also such an empowering thought Again, we're not going through anything like that. But knowing that we are designed to be able to hold our own when the wind is blowing in life and we're feeling like we're just going to be knocked over again, it's that. It's that classic empowerment that we see from Yesh Chodesh again and again. It's really a beautiful thing.