Aish Kodesh - 2 (Rosh Hashana)

2:27 The tzach of a Jew, the crying out of a Jew in these times of aseret mei tshuva And one can imagine that there were a great many cries in those times. He said all of that is a revelation of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's malchus and the kabbalas l'malchus shamayim Which is of course, as we said last time, the tachlis habriyah. That's the yira of kabbalas l'malchus shamayim, the tachlis habriyah, and every single cry that we have is a revelation of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's malchus in this world. And here the Eish Kodesh says something very powerful, something that's very relevant to our lives. He says, "Afilu habakoshos al zorchi asenu" Gam kein meheskalos malchus lo vekilusu. Even the requests for our own zorchem, for our own needs Are also a revelation of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's Malchus and a praise of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. This needs to be understood very deeply. First of all, it's a strange thing that the Eish Kodesh is saying here.

3:26 Rosh Hashanah is not a time at all where we see kima, almost anything in davening that has any relevance to the world of asking for our own srochem. You don't see that becholal in their davening. So it's clear that the Eish Kodesh was talking to those people in those times. And the matziv that they found themselves in the heinu. That in those times when a Jew, probably, almost without. Without even realizing what the Jew was doing in Rosh Hashanah in those times, as he's preparing them for Rosh Hashanah, what's the Eichkodah saying? He says, 'For sure, you're going to be crying out for yourself.' For sure, on Rosh Hashanah, you're going to be crying out for yourself. What happened to my family? What will be with my children? What will be with myself? How many of the Oseiden lived? Even these manuscripts were not found until many years later. They thought that they were talking about the end of the world. That this was the end of Klal Yisrael, and that we had never seen anything like this. Yisias Mitzrayim was the last time we had seen anything like this to this degree. Even the Crusades. Where a terrible amount of Jews were killed, it wasn't with the same precision, it wasn't with the same intensity as the Nazis yimachshabam.

4:30 So there was. It's clear that the people were going to be having a rachoshana that was inwardly focused and focused on their own needs. And the Eish Kodesh is giving them permission, and we'll see how relevant it is to us. He was giving them permission to do that in a time where it's not necessarily. Understood or mekubal that a person is asking for their own needs. That other Abba, this is also a revelation of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's malchus in this world, and it in and of itself is a praise to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Shneizgalanu machuso yisbarach umekabelu esmachuso aleinu veshavu melev. This person who's asking for his own srachim Like so many of us do. This person who's asking for their own srachim. What will be with my family? What will be with myself? What will be with Parnaso? What will be with Shalom Bayis?

5:23 This is all part of the revelation of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's Malchus and being mekabel on ourselves all Malchus Shamayim v'shavim elven. It's also part of our tshuva, meaning part of the return to Hakadosh Baruch Hu is gufa, an expression of asking, a manifestation I should say of our request for our own needs. V'gamivakshim mi menushi aspect lanu etzrachi yosenu, and also asking just to have enough of in our life of what we're looking for. She yasbik that we should have enough. Because who will provide for the needs of the Jewish nation And the servants of our Kadosh Baruch Hu, if not for Hashem Himself? And this, in and of itself, is a praise. And it's a recognition and a kabbalah on ourselves of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's malchus. In other words Who do we want? What does Hakadosh Baruch Hu want from us? He wants us to turn to him.

6:29 Every one of us wants our children to turn to us. That's the challenge of parenting, right? Right now they're little, so it's not so hard. When I mean it's I shouldn't say that it's it's very it's very I just didn't I didn't mean it like that it's very hard it's very hard. It's a fundamentally different challenge than teenagers. The challenge here is partial exhaustion. There the challenge is exhaustion. It's a different type of exhaustion. What we really want is for our children to turn to us, especially in the times when they don't want to. When our children are going through it It's my daughters. I have five daughters, so my daughters explained to me that nobody has friends in ninth grade. As I don't understand, I'm a guy, so I don't understand what that means that nobody has friends in ninth grade. Apparently, there's this unbelievable transition from like I was popular for many years and I had all my chavra, but now we all have to decide if we're still chavra when we all go to the same school in ninth grade. And there's all sorts of ninth grade politics that they all have to work through, and then tenth grade is like, okay, we're a little bit more comfortable, but you don't make your chaver until eleventh grade, and there's like this whole process that these girls go through, and it's merciless. I feel terrible for them.

7:56 The boy is just they punch each other, they hit each other, they do whatever, and then they decide they're friends. It's a simple process for the girls. It seems to be much more complex. And so I watch as my kids are suffering through this. And Baruch Hashem, each one of them has their own wonderful things and their own challenges and their own maslo that they went through to get there. And you want your kids to come to you and say can Can you help me? Because there are ways that we could talk to them as adults to help a little bit. There are things that we could say. And our children don't turn to us because, especially in those years at fourteen and fifteen and sixteen years old, your parents know the least amount possible. They're the last people in the world that actually could possibly help us in any way. But when they do, right at some point they all break down. There's one night that they'll come, and you have to be ready for these moments, Bedu. You have to be set up and misudar so that when the time comes, they'll be ready, willing, and able to come and share. And they come into your bedroom and they say, "Can we talk?" And it's that walk or that sit down shmuuz or going out to eat or whatever it is.

9:01 The feeling that you have as a parent is I want to be the address for these things, and the recognition that I am the address for these things is a testament to the relationship that we have. And here, the Ishkod is just telling us something very precious. He's saying, if we don't turn to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and say, Tati, this is what I need So then what we're in effect saying is, I don't feel comfortable enough in this relationship to come to really the only person that could provide me for what I need and say, Please, can I have this? And it's not because we're asking from a selfish place. We're not the Chas v'Shalom coming to a Kol D'varchul like a vending machine. Like that very childish, beautiful question, but a very childish question of like, I davened and I didn't get what I wanted And of course the answer as Mechanchem and Mechanchot is, okay, but Hashem is not a vending machine. I didn't put in my seventy-five cents, press a four, and get my bag of chips. That's not the way it works. And of course we all know that.

9:57 We're not coming to a Kol D'varchul and saying this is what I deserve. We're not coming. We're not arrogant people. We're coming and we're saying, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, who am I trying to raise a family for? I'm trying to raise a family for you. So if you could help me with patience for Shlom Bayus, if you could help me with forgiveness, if you could help me with The wisdom that I need in order to be able to say the right thing at the right time, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, all of the different gifts that we're asking Hakadosh Baruch Hu for. We're asking them because Hakadosh Baruch Hu is the one that can give them, and they're for him. We're not coming in a selfish way. And that's the beauty of davening. The beauty of davening is that it's a conversation with the Almighty, and it's the recognition. That's the recognition that you are the one that I can provide for. You're the one, and I'm doing all of this for you.

10:47 Here the Eish Kodesh is giving permission to his chassidim in the Warsaw Ghetto to say. With all of the trauma that was happening all around them every single day of not knowing when they were going to go, when they were going to be pulled out, when they were going to be murdered, when their children were going to be murdered, what type of vicious thing was going to happen to them next? They were turning to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and saying, "Tati, please help." And the Hachodesh is saying to them, "That's okay to do on Rosh Hashanah. Not only is it okay, it's mumlatz." That in and of itself is a praise. When a person has their back up against the wall and they turn to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, that's the greatest thing they could do. Because it's the only place that they can go. And b, it's a testament to the fact that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is the one that could provide for us. It's like Rabbi Nachman S'chusiyah Gan La'ino said that the greatest praise that a person can give to a doctor is if this doctor is the only one in the world that has the capacity to heal your child. And your child is maimed on death's door, and you show up at the doctor's house, and the doctor has a sign. Let's say it's Eretz Israel, a man half sick.

11:50 From two to five, I don't work. I don't know what it is in this country that doctor. It's a fascinating thing, your kid gets sick exactly in the moment we have no time for the kid to get sick, and in those hours the doctor doesn't work. The Rebbe in Mavasar had hurt himself very badly playing basketball. I happened to have been out with a couple of boys at a restaurant right near the Meuchedet. And he walks in and he's holding his hand and it's larger than life. His entire thumb is blown up to three times the size of a thumb, and I see he's in tremendous pain. And he comes out two seconds later. He says, 'Of course, there aren't halfsakar. There's no X-rays today.' I say, 'You have to go to a different doctor. Your thumb can't be like this. It's gonna fall off, right?' So of course it always happens though. Rabbi Nachman says, 'What's the greatest praise you can give to the doctor?' Kick the door down. The greatest praise is to kick the door down, because if you're the only one that could help me save my child in this moment. Then other rabbi, kicking the door down is the greatest praise that you can give to the doctor. What mother would say? Turn to her child who's dying and say, "I'm sorry, Anatzakane."

12:47 We don't take no for an answer when these things happen. This is what the Eish Kodesh is saying. Who else are you going to turn to? You have to knock the door that Hakadosh Baruch Hu has slammed on our face. You have to knock that door down. This is the time to ask for your personal needs, even though it's not bechelal part of Rosh Hashanah davening. And not only is he saying it's the time; he's saying this the killos. This the praise that we were speaking about last week in the medrash. This is the simin. If a person has true irashamayim in these days But when they look inside of themselves, a person who's coming from this abundance mentality that we spoke about. The Rebbeinu Shlom is a sileach that the Rebbeinu Shlom is doing everything he can to forgive us, and that we can have an actual relationship with that. Kol D'Kodesh Baruch Hu ainom mastik etzatmo. You have no need to defend yourself.

13:45 You know that fight you have with your husband where both sides are defensive. You don't know everyone here. It's beautiful shalom bayis, but the other person, the person I'm not. Everyone was not here, and everyone's defensive because there's not an avirah of forgiveness in the air. If there would be an avirav of forgiveness in the air, of course it would be. We would both show up and say, "I think this is the part of me that got triggered, and I really need to work on this." And thank you for standing by me. But it's we live in this impoverished mentality of who's going to win this argument And nobody could win in such an environment. But here, the Eish Kodesh is saying, 'Chevra, you look inside of yourself. You have this abundant mentality that Kodesh Baruch Hu Sileach. You have no need to defend yourself.' Rak adar habit gam kol chet katan gadol beinav. Every single small affair that you did, you're willing to put it on the table. You're willing to say, Rebbe Nachum, this is what I did. It's huge. I can't believe I brought this into the relationship. It's a real It's a real accounting, a list of what I've done and what I've brought in. With such a mentality, a person is able to be very real.

14:50 Umetzayir v'kayis alatzmo And it pains and angers us that we brought these things into the relationship. I just want to point out that the language here of the Hachodesh is so beautiful. When it's there, that it pains, it cohes, and it angers. What the Hachodesh doesn't say is that we're ashamed. Because we're not ashamed. Ashamed means that we are unworthy of love and connection. Other Rabbah, ki imcha haslichu leman tivarei means that it's okay for me to say these are the things that I did. Because I know that you're a forgiving God, and I'm okay being very real, and I don't need to be in a posture of needing to hide what I did in order to be worthy of being in this relationship. You don't need to hide. If you have an abundance mentality, if you have the feeling that you're deeply connected to a forgiving God, then other things will come and you'll say every small thing that you did. But the things that you did are exceptionally painful to you because you can't believe you brought that into the relationship.

15:53 And here the Eish Kodesh is speaking about the real class. It took me many years to learn this because when you grow up, it's one of the unfortunate things that in yeshivas they don't teach it the right way. Chazal say, "Kolakoez kiilo oved avodah zarah" So we're taught that anger is a terrible thing And I don't know that that's what Chazal meant. In fact, I'm confident that it's not what Chazal meant. Chazal here we're speaking about. Rage. They were speaking about the inappropriateness Of needing to control things that are beyond our control. But as a result, there are people that are not willing to engage the real and very powerful and very meaningful emotion that is anger. And when we think about what anger really is, anger is a statement of this is really important to me. If you think about what you get, I'm not talking about the times that you get stuck in the car and for some reason they shut down all the kri shachat, and you're meant to be in yesholaim in ten minutes. Now, ways, you know how ways does that thing where it counts up Where it's like seven minutes, and then it tells you ten minutes, and then you've gone ten minutes, and then it says nacha ten minutes, right? That's rage. But when you get like When somebody says something to you and it's hurtful, and it angers you. How could they have said that to me?

17:09 What that really is a very beautiful emotion that lets you know this was important to me. This was important, and we need to learn to pay attention to our anger because the anger is telling us a value that we have. It doesn't mean that we have the right chas v'shalom to pour our rage on anybody else, but anger is a real and very beautiful emotion that deserves to be felt. Not again, not in a way chas v'shalom that hurts another person, but it's a real statement of values inwardly, and this is what the Ish Kodesh is saying. He's saying it's mitztair. It's okay that it causes me pain. This is another very big. Again, I don't know if the Eish Kodesh understood how prophetic his words were going to be so many years later. Today it's like we need to protect people from any form of tsar, that no one can ever feel any tsar. The entire drug culture, this entire thing of us legalizing weed and it's just like this casual weed thing that happens even in our neighborhood, and certainly it goes without saying the alcohol and the amount of drinking that happens—all of these things are meant to numb our pain. That's why people are doing them. We all do a million things with the time that we spend on the phone and the food and a million things that we do to numb our pain.

18:24 Everybody is numbing their pain, because to feel pain is so draining that I don't know if I have it in me to feel these things. I don't know if I have enough at the end of the day. I feel like I'm running on empty. I'm the kids keeping me up at night, and I have to make a parnasa, and I have to deal with my husband, and he's got to deal with himself, and all the things that are going on in our life. I don't know that I have enough in the tank to deal with this pain, so I have to numb this pain away. But we're raising a generation of children that have no capacity for any resilience because they've never felt any pain. And again, the Eish Kodesh is saying he's giving permission to the chassidim. It's okay for you to feel pain. It's okay for you to feel anger. Because of the things that you've done wrong, is that not a beautiful thing for a person to feel in a relationship? Imagine a person came

19:12 And they have an oily, kind of messy moment. They have a woe is me, because I've been fooling myself for all these years. I've been married for five, ten, fifteen, twenty years. I wake up one day and realize that I was the villain, even though I was putting the villainship on another person, and I was telling them, 'No, you're doing everything wrong.' And it turns out I'm responsible for fifty percent of this. And you wake up and you feel terrible. How did I do this to another person, especially the person that I loved? There's a pain that a person experiences there, but that's an exceptionally beautiful pain because that's a healing and redemptive type of pain, and there's a cast there. The cast is like I love this person so much, how could I have done that? And that's a redemptive type of anger because it's a real value And so the Eish Kodesh again, as we said last week, he's speaking about the hargasha. Last week we spoke about the hargasha of emuna, the feeling of emuna, and here the Eish Kodesh is pushing us to feel the pain that comes with the fact that we've brought into this relationship of the Kadosh Baruch Hu things that were completely inappropriate. We did things, said things, and thought things that were completely inappropriate.

20:12 Then, how do you really differentiate between that and feeling guilty? I understand ashamed means like, okay, I'm unworthy, but guilty seems like more of a negative than that. Guilt is a wonderful, beautiful thing if it doesn't fall into shame. The way that Rabbi Doctor Abraham J. Twersky, the Chetal Kavrocha, explained it, which I think is the best way I've ever heard. He said, "Guilt is like the bumps on the road on the side of the highway. If you're driving along and you've moved a little bit too far to the right, you feel those bumps. So it's like a gentle reminder to go back into the lane. Again, guilt could be a very healthy thing. That a person doesn't feel good about the way they're behaving is great, because it lets you know we all have a very strong internal compass that tells us" Loy zvaderch, this is not the way I want to be. The problem is that for so many of us, that falls into a deep place of shame. I'm unworthy of love and connection because of the way that I've behaved.

21:05 And that's so exceptionally toxic. And when we live in shame In our Yiddishkeit With Hakadosh Baruch Hu, it transfers into every aspect of our being Because religion is so central to our being, because it defines us in so many ways. We make the tragic mistake of defining our observance as our relationship with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. You could do an avera, and it does not. I am not saying it doesn't impact the relationship, but the essence of the relationship remains intact. That's what the Gemara means when it says Afal Pishachato Yisraelu, even though you've done an avera, you are still a Jew. Which means to say that the essence of the relationship is still intact. You haven't lost who you are. That's the famous line, I believe, from Rabbi Doctor Chaim Saloveitchik The Rav's son. He said, "Having lost," this is one of the most powerful lines I've ever heard. Having lost the feel of God's embrace, we sought solace in His yoke.

22:05 That's a very powerful line if you unpack it. Having lost the feel of God's embrace, meaning there was a time when a yid felt that the Rebbeinu Sholmo was a loving God, and that was in our lives, and somehow we lost that. It's an interesting conversation of how we lost that. But instead, what we replaced this with, we replaced that love with halacha. And so we said, so we're going to be very well-behaved Jews. We're going to daven three times a day without any feeling whatsoever. We're going to learn Hashem's Torah, and we're going to even understand it. But it's not going to be kiheim cheino. It's going to be something that we do, as opposed to something that we are. And as a result, because of this move, we became. And I'm not saying Chassidus that Allah is not important. Of course, it's very important.

22:47 Now, let's say I make mistakes because I do say lashon hara sometimes when I shut the door because I don't necessarily make brachas or brachos with kavanah, or I don't necessarily have the time to daven, or I am spending too much time doing the narishkeit, and therefore I don't have the time to do the chesed or the limud Torah that I want to do. So somehow that became that I am a bad Jew, and now if I am carrying around this feeling inside of me that I am a bad Jew, what's going to be with my relationship with my husband? Because by definition, the thing that we're trying to build is a bias namun be yisrael, and if I am not feeling good about my yiddishkeit, how's that going to impact all of my interpersonal relationships? Especially the ones I am closest with? And if I start to feel badly about myself, and I can't feel those feelings because I'm afraid that they'll devolve into shame, may I start to become more mekal in halacha in a way that I shouldn't, and perhaps raise my children in a way that is not necessarily focused on their Yiddishkeit? You see how this down spiral, and it's to pick up the shever kli of these people that have been raised with this terribly negative Yiddishkeit is like a

23:43 It's overwhelming, and we see it all over the place. And that distinction—it's a great question. The distinction between guilt and shame is right there at the core of it, because guilt is—I'm not proud of the way that I'm behaving, but I'm worthy of behaving in a better way, and it's okay that I'm imperfect. And Adarabah, my imperfection is exactly where my beauty lies, and that opens up all sorts of expansiveness in our own being, in our own lives, in the way we interact with others, and certainly in the way we interact with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. Is that a clear answer? Thank you for the question. Have a negdo yisbarach hatasi. Person is able to say, I, I was, I was, I went against Hakadosh Baruch Hu and I sinned. Ve'eich ani mamlekh oisay yisbarach alai. And how am I supposed to be mamlekh Hakadosh Baruch Hu in such a state? Because this is the way a person feels. I'm going to be mamlekh Hakadosh Baruch Hu when I've done these things that are wrong, and there's nothing wrong with feeling this. Velo ood eladom alo shagam al kol ashanim a kabel hu at the year Shamayim ve'emas hamalchus.

24:43 So he says this posture that this person has, where he's so honest with himself and he's so frustrated with himself that they went against Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and how can I be Mamlech Hakadosh Baruch Hu in such a state? And it appears to me now that even my avoda of the entire year was that self-centered type of avoda, and they're getting really honest with themselves. So he says every single cry that a person cries in such a state, and even the cries that they're crying that Hakadosh Baruch Hu should fulfill what they're looking for. All of that is kabbalsho amach Shamayim, and all of that is the greatest praise that Hakadosh Baruch Hu could ever have. That we're turning to Him and saying, "I'm turning to You." It's what happens when we're. When Hakadosh Baruch Hu is a soyleach, so then we can turn to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and say, "I'm here," and that is the greatest praise for Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And Adar Aba, and this again, we have to, we can't imagine what it must have been like in the Warsaw Ghetto to hear these words, "Be yamin elu," and these yamin nora, where a person is totally not focused on themselves. This is the most important time for a person to be asking Hakadosh Baruch Hu for their bakashos, and that's totally counterintuitive.

26:02 And it displays the genius, the sensitivity, the tzidkas of the Eish Kodesh that he knew, that that's what the Hasidim needed to hear in those times. And I believe B'Amunah Shleima, that the Eish Kodesh was speaking to those Hasidim in those times, and he was speaking to us today as well. That today, where we do have this, where we suffer terribly from shame And we do have these feelings, this impoverished mentality in our Yiddishkeit, and we see it in so many areas of our life. And we have a greater need today to numb the pain, perhaps than ever before. More people are numbing their pain and turning to those things that take them out of their own universe. It's more important today than ever before for us to For sure, for ourselves and for our families, for our spouses and for our children, and for our communities. It's the most important messages that we tell people that turning to Hakadosh Baruch Hu is the greatest praise in the world. And having an honest conversation is the greatest thing in the world. By the way, when you see people who start to do this, they come alive.

27:04 Taya Maisa this year. This is a young man in yeshiva. And you know, without getting into any details, because I don't want it to even border on any lashon hara. But he came from a very Very, very difficult situation. He came. It wasn't his fault. Nothing was his fault. Came from a very, very complicated, broken home, and with a lot of stuff. A mamish, a lot of stuff. And I believe again, maybe this is my own narrative, but I believe that he came with a very strong coping mechanism of being a very strong intellectual To avoid feeling the things that he had to feel in his life And it was painful to watch, and he was a very smart young man. So I engaged him on that level for many months of the year. And there came a time where we began to speak about Davening, and of course you can understand that for davening for a boy like this it was very hard for him to turn to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, because there was a lot of pain and anger that he had in Hakadosh Baruch Hu's direction.

28:05 And he said to me at the end of the year, and it was probably one of the most beautiful things that I heard. He said, "Rebbe, I became a davener" And you saw that when he said it, there was a lightness to him, like a Like the ten thousand pound knapsack that we all wear. He just unloaded five thousand pounds of it because he can bring the pain that he's experiencing in his life and he can share it with Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And you should see him daven today. He's a poshon alaf kid, so you know, whatever. He'll go through his own nationalities, and I'm sure a lot will happen with that. But there is something so exceptionally beautiful about teaching Yidden that we need to be turning towards Hakadosh Baruch Hu. It's a gift that we can give ourselves. And here the Ish Kodesh begins. The Moshe will start to move a little bit quicker. I don't know if we're going to finish this entire piece today, but there's a lot of very beautiful things here.

28:57 He says Moshele ben Melech shanish ba'bein peixim vereikim shmanu meiser. This can be compared to a prince who's been captured by these terrible people, these empty people, and they're causing a tremendous amount of pain to the prince. The hirgish pitom. These words are very important here. The hirgish pitom shaham Melech Karavilov. And he feels. He's in captivity. He doesn't see the king, but he feels that the king's presence is near. Hischilitz like bekalos morim ma'aid And he starts to scream out in these very bitter screams, "Hoyshieni avi, hoyshieni malchi" Save me, my father! Save me, my king! Why? Mne shahirgish shahamelach ba'ata el makam akaravlof. He has no intellectual awareness. He hasn't seen. He hasn't heard the king's voice, but he can feel the king's presence. This prince who's in captivity can feel the king's presence. And he starts to cry out from that place.

30:00 Nimshish ha'kasa hayesera simin hiskalas hamelchu. So it turns out, this is an unbelievable line. It's marvelous. This extra cry, this za'aka yisra, this piercing cry Simin hisgalas hamelachu It's a sign that there's been a revelation of the melech. And this tiseffa, this additional breaking of the heart of klal yisrael over all the pain that we're feeling, tzaros ayeva vitzaros klal yisrael, the pain of our loved ones and the pain of the entire Jewish nation. Simin shall hargoshes hisgalus malchus shamayim. It's the revelation of the feeling that there's been a hisgalus of malchus shamayim. Av zah kolim beikar yirasu elav hiskasu, but you kassel a hamlucha isayes baruch neskabra. This is, of course, only in a case where a person has this abundance mentality of true yiras Hashem. And that's getting stronger, and the chuka, the desire to be mamlecha, kadosh baruch hu, is getting stronger.

31:05 In other words. When you find yourself crying out in that foxhole And a person could think to themselves "I'm just crying out now because I'm in pain," no other help. The fact that you're crying, the fact that there's a sense that this is a time to cry That is a simin, this is a time of hiskalis machusay. We think of it like I'm crying because Hakadosh Baruch Hu is absent. If you're crying, it's because of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence, and your cries are the revelation of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence and the simin that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is present. And so again, this is what it must have been like to be in the Warsaw Ghetto and hear this, but also for us, that there are times that a person can mamish cry out to Hakadosh Baruch Hu from rock bottom, from feeling that everything in my life is topsy turvy and I have no idea what's going on.

32:02 And feel so distant from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. But imagine if we would know this. Welcome to this year. It's it. I understand. I understand. I understand. You know It's good now. It's a mixed year. We have boys and girls. Who knows? Who knows what it'll be like for him to be sleeping through a year like this, to be hearing these words of Torah, and to sit in this avirah of this beis medrash. What a beautiful thing! It should be a chutz for him to grow up like this. This is something we should all have. It's good for him to know already now that even sleeping through a year means that you're there. So that's already that's also a beautiful thing. It seems that sometimes when I speak, I put people to sleep. So maybe I could help. Maybe I could be of service here to you.

33:00 Imagine if we knew this. Imagine if we knew. Such a painful thing. Imagine if we knew That the feeling of distance that we have, and the crying out that we have, from the distance is actually a siman that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is not distant at all. It's such an empowering idea. That I'm crying out and I'm turning to Hakadosh Baruch Hu because I feel like everything in my life is falling apart. And other rabbi, the fact that you're crying out is a siman that Kol D'varuch was so present in this moment. Because if he wasn't present in this moment, you wouldn't be crying out. And the soul has a type of intuition. This is a big deal. Because in general we don't talk about what the nature of the neshama is. We don't really like what does it mean the nature of a soul. But one of the things the soul has is an intuition that Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence is there, even when we can't see him, and even in this place where I'm surrounded by these people, these empty people. These destructive people that are giving me so much pain in my life And I can feel Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence. I have no idea that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is there, but the soul intuitively feels Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence and begins to cry out to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

34:11 And so, the knowledge that in our worst moments, in the moments where everything in life is falling apart, and we begin to cry The knowledge that the soul is intuiting that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is there is such a wonderful, beautiful feeling. And it means that I'm not alone in those moments. Just like Hakadosh Baruch Hu told us that when we went down to Mitzrayim, He went down to Mitzrayim with us. That when a Jew is in their lowest place, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is in the lowest place with us. And that's why we have to reveal Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence in this world because the shkinta is bigaluso. That in our lowest, most difficult moments, when everything in life is falling apart, Hakadosh Baruch Hu is standing there right next to us. But of course, when does the soul have this intuition? The soul only has this intuition when we're living with the abundance mentality, that comes with the fact ki imcha aslichel amantivarei, because if we don't know that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is forgiven

35:01 And therefore we come and we're not being honest with ourselves, and we're not telling the truth about what we've brought into this relationship, and all we're trying to do is avoid punishment. So then, of course, where are we going to get the wherewithal to feel Hakadosh Baruch Hu's actual presence in our life? We have to start off with this basic fact that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is present in our life, and Hakadosh Baruch Hu is a forgiving God, and that gives us the capacity to come and say, "I'm willing, and I'm willing to take ownership, and I'm willing to feel pain over that which I've brought into the relationship." And in such a place, the soul can have a real intuition of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence and begin to cry out, 'Hakadosh Baruch Hu, Hisheni Avi, Hisheni Malk' Please, I need a Yeshua in my life. Everything is falling apart. Exactly in that place is where we'll find and reveal Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence, but it's all built on this abundance mentality that comes with ki imcha aslich. A couple minutes left, maybe just do this last paragraph.

36:00 Next, like the last, the rest of it we'll leave for next time. Hinegam bechol ashana shavim b'tshuva kol echad l'fi madre gassu v'gam bechol yom ispal lemachayim b'riasaparnasa. He says, "What happens the entire year? A person is doing tshuva. Every single person is doing tshuva. Each person, according to their madreiga, and every single where they were davening, we're davening that we should have chayim. We're davening that we should be healthy. We're davening for parnasa. What Jewish mother isn't davening for her children? Of course, every one of us is davening." So here, the Eish Kodesh says so. In what way is Rosh Hashanah any different than every other day of the year where we're also davening? The Eish Kodesh is coming with a question here. Up until now, we understood that for the rest of the year, a person is davening for their personal tze'ichim. They're davening for the things that move them.

36:50 But now the Eish Kodesh came with this big chiddush that even Rosh Hashanah is a time to be davening for yourself. So now he has a question. If even Rosh Hashanah is a time to be davening for yourself, then what am I doing the rest of the year? In what way is this day any different than any other day that I'm asking for chayim, brios, and parnasa? Every it's all the same now. And so the Eish Kodesh answers bekoilus. The difference is the chiyah shofar. The difference is that primordial cry that results from the depths of a person when the shofar is blown. Klomar, lo levad b'shasha tokim b'shofar. Not only in the time when the baltokhei is blowing Rak bechla harifus shalat shuvah. There's an intensity to this time. There's an intensity of shuvah. There's a certain intensity of requesting parnasa in this time too. And this is all because of the soul's feeling that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is present and revealed to us in these days.

37:55 There's a difference. When a person is crying out, asarsi mechuvah in Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, when a person is crying out in those days, it's not the same cry as the rest of the year. It's not the same b'kasha. Even if a person is davening every single day for parnasa, parnasa can be difficult. I don't know if anyone bought here. I don't know if you're renting or you bought here. But if a person bought and they spent three and a half million shekel on an apartment, these numbers are absurd. These numbers are pashut absurd. I moved to Eretz Yisrael seventeen years ago because it was cheaper than living in the five towns. I wish I could say I came for kedushas arutz. I'm embarrassed to tell you I paid a little bit over a million shekel for my apartment back in the day. Wasn't that long ago.

38:47 So a person comes to Eretz Yisrael and Baruch Hashem today Parnasah is better than it's ever been in Eretz Yisrael. But maybe a person feels like I have this mortgage and it's not a fixed mortgage like in America. And who knows what's going to be with my husband's startup that's maybe going to be sold for five hundred million dollars, and maybe he got it on the ground floor, or maybe it's going to close tomorrow because every Israeli startup is either on the verge of being bought by Google or being dead, and there's no in between. And a person is davening every single day, please just like I need to have a parnasa to feel to feed my family. And what will be if chas v'shalom this entire thing falls apart and maybe I don't have that safety net and maybe I left my safety net back in America or whatever it is And so maybe a person feels like a sense of.

39:29 A sense of I, I'm just davening every day for this. So what's the difference between the bakasha for parnasa and asarasim eitshuva and the bakasha for parnasa every single day? The difference is, and this is what the Eish Kodesh is telling us. The difference is because you intuitively felt there is a difference, and that the Rebbeinu Shlom is more present in these days, and the Rebbeinu Shlom is there listening to me, and that sa'aka, the cry that's emanating from my soul, is different than it is the rest of the year. Even with all the shayfer and all of the tefillas and everything that's going on, he says All of that you have to understand the tzaka, the cry that you have for Hakadosh Baruch Hu to fulfill your needs. That in and of itself is a revelation of a Kadosh Baruch Hu's presence, and in and of itself is a reflection of your own Kabbalah. Salmach Shemayin

40:35 Mishet Tzvi Lois of Biyamim Elu, Haim Rak Hebechol Ashana. And if Chassid Shalom Yitz davening in these days of Asar Simcha Tshuva, in these days of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, if you find that your davening is stale, it's unbelievable that these people had to wear withal to hear these words, because davening can be very difficult. But here he was saying to them, "If you are davening, it is going to be still like it is the rest of the year. It's not going to be with this passion that we spoke about. It's not going to be with this earth-shattering cry that emanates from the depth of your soul because you truly yearn to be connected." After Marbepiutim, you said all of davening. You said all the piutim, and you added on all the piutim. We call Malcolm Kibin Shaloi be hiserus isera ve loi birash. The leibirashim— they weren't said in a way of screaming. It wasn't said in a way of an additional hisayrus. Simin hu she'eno makirus aviv shenas galed. It's a simin that you don't see Hakadosh Baruch Hu in these days.

41:34 And it's mind-boggling the psychology of this—that the Eish Kodesh was so sensitive. And the psychology here is so important that the Eish Kodesh is saying to his chasidim. Other Abba, now is the time to cry out. He wasn't giving them a mussar shmuz. He was telling them to get deeply in touch with the pain that they were feeling, and to cry out. And don't allow this to be something that you just become accustomed to. This type of pain of living under the threat of murder and of extinction. Don't allow that to become your everyday life. Other Abba, that has to turn into the greatest cry, and that cry is a kabbalah Shamayim. But the failure to have that cry is a devastating loss. It's hard to believe that he said that But it must have been very empowering for them to hear that they were capable of feeling those things and calling on those emotions.

42:26 However, when a person's davening is from this tremendous place of screaming out and of awakening within ourselves, then it's a siman that we have indeed recognized our fathers. Our father in Shamayim, kinesgalu umekabel alav amach Shamayim And in this way, it's a revelation of Hakadosh Baruch Hu's presence, and it, in and of itself, is a kabbalas al mach Shamayim. We'll stop here for tonight. Thank you again for coming.