Yom Kippur - You Are Innocent!

1:43 We have a very and especially for the girls that are here, we have a very deep need. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel authentic for us to get up in front of the Rebbeinu Shlom to say Ashamnu bagadnu. How am I going to do it again? I feel like a faker. I imagine many of you feel the same way. The problem is even worse because Chazal say that Yom Kippur is the greatest day of Simcha the entire year. It's the biggest Simcha of the entire year. And again, you have the Baruch Hashem those that just came back from Uman They come to Yom Kippur and it's gishmak. Your father went to Uman. Say this, he brought Uman back with him. And he comes and it's Lebedik and it's beautiful. But for many of us, the day doesn't feel like a day of simcha. It feels like a day of dread.

2:35 And it's a very strange thing. The nigunim are sort of like It's weird. Like on the one hand, you shouldn't sing. Like imagine if you actually said the words in English. Would you sing them? Would you sing those words? There's a boy who came to me on Rosh Hashanah this year. He was very upset in the yeshiva where I'm a rebbe. So he was upset because the davening was very lebedik and very besimcha. And he said Sifrei Chaim and Sifrei Mesim are open. What are we doing? Why are we besimcha? It's a very strange thing. On the one hand, we feel dread; on the other hand, it's besimcha. We don't know which way to go. We don't know which way to turn. Should we be crying? Should we be laughing? I'm sitting there listing all of the averas that I've done, and I should be besimcha about this, especially given the fact that I feel like a faker. And you always have that teacher that's very intense. Imagine that it's a spread from the neighborhood. You always have that teacher who's like very intense.

3:35 The one who gives, thank you so much, I appreciate you. You're the person I'm speaking to. At least you're honest. You come and you say yes. I would ask your name, but I don't want to embarrass you. But you know, I'm saying you have that one teacher who's very intense, screaming Elul. I'm saying your life hangs in the balance. My life hangs in the balance, and I should be besimcha. It doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel right. Shaluz, what do we do with all this? We have to make sense of Yom Kippur in a way that it could be more meaningful to us. I want to share with you one last question before I start sharing some Torah. There's a well known Meimor Chazal. I'm sure many of you know it that there were ten nisim that happened on Yom Kippur. Ten nisim that happened in the Beis Hamikdash. One of them was on Yom Kippur That the Cohen Gadol on Yom Kippur did not become Tomaskeri. He didn't see any keri on Yom Kippur.

4:25 That was a miracle. That's a very strange thing. The Kohen Gadol is the holiest person in the world. On the holiest day of the year, what's the miracle? The miracle is that he doesn't become tamei. He doesn't become tamei. He, his mindset, everything about him is in the universe of kedusha. In that moment, he should become tamei. Not only is it expected that he wouldn't become tamei, it's strange to think of it as a miracle. What's the pshat here? I want to share with you a story. That I heard many times from my rebbe of Moshe WeinbergerShlita Shlit"a, who's a rav in Woodmere. I don't know if any of you have parents who are originally from Woodmere. My rebbe shared the following story many, many times, and I know that he says the story is told in many ways. This is the way he heard the story, and this is the way I'm sharing the story with you.

5:16 After the Holocaust The Baba V'Rebbe was a great tzaddik. If you have the opportunity to go look at a picture of the Baba V'Rebbe, he was Beautiful man, and I don't mean beautiful like physically beautiful. The Baba Vereba glowed. You can look at pictures. The Baba Vereba was a glowing human being. In the Holocaust, the Baba Verchasidus was decimated. It was absolutely destroyed. The Baba Vereba had a son, Rav Naftolcha. And they came together to Manhattan to a place called the Upper West Side. And they made a little minion. They had a little shteibel, a Baba Vershteibel. And the Baba V'Rebbi one Friday night, they didn't even have enough Chasidim. Consider the fact that today there's probably over a hundred thousand Baba V'Chasidim. The Baba V'Chasidim has even split. There are so many of them. Back then, they Pashut couldn't get a minion. One Friday night, they had nine; they didn't have a tenth.

6:09 So the Baba V'Rebbi sent out his son, Rav Nachtulcha. He said, 'Go out into the street and see if you could find somebody that looks Jewish.' We're here in Eretz Yisrael, so we can tell the difference between Jews and non-Jews pretty easily. But in America, where everybody's walking around, you have to either be like a Lubavicher, like you ever see that Lubavichers on the street corner, asking people if they're Jewish. So maybe you didn't have the opportunity to see in your life. It's a very funny thing. These Lubavicher kids, they sit in the middle of Manhattan, and they're able to say who's Jewish, who's not Jewish. You're Jewish, you want to put on tefillah, and it's a beautiful thing. So the Baba the Rebbe said, "Teruv Naftolcha, go find the yid" Go find the yid. So Naftolcha walks out into the streets of Manhattan. It's probably thousands of people walking by. And he sees someone that looks like a yid, and he saw someone that looked like they had been through the Holocaust.

6:57 I don't know. Did you see Holocaust survivors in your life? When I grew up The yeshiva that I went to would bring Holocaust survivors all the time because they knew that pretty soon there won't be any Holocaust survivors left. And they said you need to see these people with your eyes. You need to hear the stories from their mouths. I was zeiha. I saw Holocaust survivors in my life. These were people who went through unimaginable levels of suffering. You should know that October 7th was the worst day in modern history in our land. It's the worst day in modern history. October 7th was still better than the worst day. It was still better than the best day of the Holocaust. 1,300 people was a drop in the bucket. It's like 3,000 plus people a day were being killed in the Holocaust. It's the most insane thing ever. These yidden wore it on their face. You could tell who was a Holocaust survivor. Because they looked like they had been through the most deepest depths of Gehenna.

7:52 So Rav Naftolcha saw Yid And he said, "This guy must be Jewish, and he must have gone through the Holocaust." He said to him, "Could you come daven with us? Could you come participate in the minyan?" So the Yid at first said, 'Like I don't daven anymore. It's not where I'm holding.' And Rav Naftolcha said, "The Baba V'Rebbe is inside. We need a minyan. Could you please join us for a minyan? So the guy relented and he said, "Fine, I'll come for the minyan." So he walks in, and he says, "My name is Maishala." While I'm here Would you mind if I took the Amud? Back before the Holocaust, I was a Chazan. So the Baba V'Rebbe said, 'Please, by all means, go be the Chazan.' So here's a Yid who a minute ago wasn't willing to daven. A minute ago, he wasn't even sure that he wanted to come in, but he comes in and he says, 'I want the Amud.' It's a very strange thing, but he comes and he daven's and he daven's with a real Yiddish heart. He really davened. With a beautiful Kabbalah Shabbos with all the negunim, and he started coming week after week. But the condition that he came was, but I'm the Chazan.

8:52 And the Babba V'Rebbah understood that he had a need to connect to his roots. He was a Chazan beforehand; he had the need to be a Chazan again. So the Babba V'Rebbah every week, Moshele would come, and he was the Chazan. One Friday night, Moshele didn't come. So the Babba V'Rebbah said to Rav Naftolcha He said, "Go find Moshele." Rav Naftolcha looked at the Babba V'Rebbah and he said. Tati, what are you talking about? How am I going to find thousands of people in New York City? How am I going to walk around Manhattan trying to find one yid? So he said, "Just go. Try to find them. We can't start davening without our chazan." So Naftolcha walked out into the street. He went into Central Park. It's a tremendous park in New York City. About two blocks away from the shtiebel And he saw there was Meishel. A Friday night, Shabbos has already come in, and Meishel is sitting with a cigarette.

9:41 So Rav Nachtulcha doesn't go over to him. He comes back to his father and he says, 'Tati, he's in the middle of being mechal Shabbos. I can't come and invite him in to be the chazan. He's in the middle of smoking a cigarette on Shabbos. I can't invite him in.' The Baba V'Rebbe got very upset and he turned to Rav Nachtulcha and he said to him That was not meisula. It was not Meishela. Go get me Meishela. He says, "Tati, that was Meishela. I saw Meishela. I know what Meishela looks like. He comes in every week. He davenes for us. He's the Chazon. It was Meishela. He was sitting and smoking." The Baba V'Rebbe says, "That was not Meishela. Go find Meishela." So Rav Nachosh doesn't know what to do. He says, "Tati, I'm telling you, I just saw the man sitting and smoking." And the Baba V'Rebbe is getting increasingly frustrated, and he said, 'You saw a German. That was not Meishela. The guy you saw was a German. It wasn't Meishela. Go find Meishela.' Ranaf Toldcha goes out. He goes to the bench.

10:38 Moshele is gone. He comes back and he tells his father. Moshele is gone. "Moshele is gone." I know what you want me to do. The Baba V'Rebbe was very upset, but what could they do? They started davening. They never saw Moshele again. Many, many, many years passed. The Baba V'Rebbe is at a tish. By now, the Baba V'Chassidus has grown massively. I don't know if you've ever had the opportunity to see these tishes. They're beautiful. The rebbe sits at the tish. All the chassidim are there. Thousands of chassidim. They come. It's a beautiful thing. They dance. They sing. They listen to words of Torah from the rebbe. It's a very beautiful thing. A yid comes over to the Baba of the rebbe. Reb Nachtoch is sitting right next to the rebbe. This is years and years later. A yid with a shrimel and a beard and pears, the whole nine yards. And he comes over and he says, Rebbe, shalom aleichem. The Baba of the rebbe smiles and he says, Aleichem shalom.

11:27 He says, Rebbe, do you remember me? The Rebbe smiles and says, "I remember you well." And he turns to Rav Naftolcha and he says, "this is. This is Meishel of the Chasam. Meishel of the Chasam. Many, many years later, had gone through whatever path he had taken in his life, and he came back with a shtraimel and a beard and the pears that he grew up with. The Baba the Rebbe turned to Rav Naftolcha and he said I told you so. Told you so. You didn't see Maishala that Friday night. You saw the German. You saw a man who lived through the camps. You saw a man who went through unimaginable suffering. You did not see Maishala. Every time that Maishala came in, and everyone—he's not a mechal. He's not a Shemir Shabbos. He's going to daven for the Amud. You saw the surface. You did not see Maishala. You saw the German. When Moshele got up and davened for the Omer, that was Moshele. When Moshele was on the bench smoking a cigarette on Shabbos, that wasn't Moshele. That was the German. That's what he went through, and because of that, he had to act in a certain way. And Einuch Nami, that action was inappropriate, but that wasn't him.

12:46 That wasn't him. That wasn't Moshele. Sometimes it takes years to discover who you really are. I don't know how many of you are going to understand what I'm about to say, but even if you don't understand it, put it away in your pocket and carry it with you. Ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five years from now, blessed Hashem, you'll understand this. Every one of us has a German inside of ourselves. There's a tragic thing that happens in Chinuch. I'm sure none of you have had this experience. I hope none of you have had this experience. You ever have a teacher Or a parent, or somebody in the community? Who sees you may be doing something not so good And they look at you and they say, "That's who you are." They tie you up in that moment and go, "That's who you are." They see a girl, and maybe she's dressing in a certain way, maybe she's acting in a certain way, maybe she's speaking in a certain way.

13:40 And they're like, "That she now becomes like that's who she is in her worst moment." There's an avoda that every one of us has to do for each other. And all of our teachers, and all of our abayim, and our parents, and everybody in our community—we need to do it for each other. And we're not so good at this all the time. Sometimes we see a girl lo alenu, and she's not behaving in the right way, and we say That's who she is. And now you start to get defined by that. You start to say, " That's her lowest moment. That's her. No, that's not her. That's the German. Do any of us know why she's acting that way? Can I be very honest with you in this room? We're all friends already. We've been here for like seven minutes already. Can we be honest? I was expelled from school in fifth grade. I know today I don't look like I was expelled from school, but back in the day I was expelled from school in fifth grade. It's a true story.

14:34 I'm waiting for my daughter to walk in. Aren't you also? I'm telling you, I think she forgot to come. What's your fault? You didn't remind her. I have no tainas on the school for expelling me. I totally understand why they expelled me. I was a meshugana in the class. The teacher couldn't teach the things that I was doing. I made it impossible for the teacher to teach, and the school basically said, "Beseder, say he's a lunatic, and we have to get rid of him." I want to tell you a secret. You know what happens when you get expelled from school in fifth grade? Schools aren't running to take you. I don't know if any of you have had that experience. If you get expelled in fifth grade, it's not like all the other schools in the neighborhood are like, "Awesome. Now Berg is a free agent." Let's chop him up. That's not what happened. There was a good week and a half where I didn't have a school to go to.

15:23 A good week and a half where I didn't have to go to school. It's a terrible feeling. I know I'm saying something that could be heard in a very specific way right now, and I'm saying it belasha naki. Maybe some of you hear what I'm saying. To not have a school to go to is a terrible thing. Do you hear me? It's a terrible thing. What do you think the trauma that girl is living with? That this they looked at me and they said in fifth grade she was this girl and in sixth grade she was this girl and in seventh grade she was this girl and in eighth grade she's this girl. And then you wonder, you turn around and you go, why is she behaving the way she's behaving? Because somebody told her that she was her lowest moment. So you know what people do when they're told they are their lowest moments? They become their lowest moments.

16:10 If people in positions of authority, if parents and adults in the community say, by the time a kid is 13 years old, do you realize now 13 years old is a child? I did. You should know. It didn't occur to me until five years ago. I got expelled from school when I was 10. You don't expel a 10-year-old from school. What could a 10-year-old possibly do wrong? There was a mishugan in the classroom today. The world has changed today. They would have given me all sorts of therapy. I would have had physical therapy and speech therapy and art therapy and play therapy and hydrotherapy. They would give me every. I would have seen social workers. They would have been. I would have been a project. They would have poured millions of dollars. I went to Akshiva. They would have given me the whole nine yards. Back then, they just threw you out of school. I have no tinas on the school for throwing me out. I have one tina. I have no tinas on the school for throwing me out. I have one tine on them.

17:00 How come nobody ever asked me in all the years that I was in the school? Five years I was in the school. How come nobody ever asked me why you are behaving this way? Not once in all the time that I was there, when I was behaving in a way that wasn't appropriate. How come not once, not one teacher said, "What's going on in your life that you're behaving this way?" That's my only taina. Kids make sense. Kids make sense, and the ultimate logic is if somebody tells you you're a terrible person. Don't be surprised when they act like a terrible person. You say no, no, but like we saw them doing that. So we saw them doing that. So we saw them doing that. So you saw them in a moment, and you think that's them. That's the German. That's because that kid went through something.

17:49 There's a lot of people. Again, I'm speaking Belushanaki, and everybody understands what I'm saying. Everybody has a good reason why. Why this girl didn't get into a school and that girl didn't? Everybody has their logic. It's garbage. And you have to hear it from me straight. It's garbage. It's garbage. Everybody has their reason. We're full. You don't understand. It's garbage. Because if it was your child, you'd figure out a way to get them into school. Because nobody should have to go through a situation where they're defined by their lowest moment—the girl that's unwanted, the boy that's unwanted. This is a big tire, and everybody here has to know it. Because we may not realize this, but every single one of us is acting this out on Yom Kippur. I'm going to come to the Rebbeinu Shlom and say, Rebbeinu Shlom, I'm a faker. I'm going to sit here in front of you and I'm going to say this year I'm making a commitment on myself not to say lashon hara. Rebbeinu Shlom, I know I'm a faker. I know that tomorrow night I'm going to say lashon hara. I know that I'm going to be sitting in my sukkah and I'm probably going to say lashon hara. I'm going to be sitting in your sukkah and I'm probably going to say lashon hara. I'm going to sit here on Yom Kippur and I'm going to say Rebbeinu Shlom. I'm not gonna. I'm a faker.

19:01 You're not a faker. The guy or the girl that gets up on Yom Kippur and says, "I don't want to speak lashon hara." That's you. The person that says lashon hara two days later, that's the German. That's not you. That's us from our pain. That's us from things that happen to us in our life. Chazal say, Ain Adam Choteil Mkei Nichnas Ba'Rach Tos. A person doesn't do an avera unless a wind of insanity comes into them. It's when we do an avera, it's insane. Why would I ever do an avera? Why would I ever do something? Are any of us proud after we say lashon hara? There's always a deep feeling Like almost like disgust with ourselves. You ever do that? You ever like? I'm sure you did. You ever sit with a friend and have a good three-hour lashon hara session? You call it a DMC, but you had a three-hour straight lashon hara session.

19:54 We just spoke about that girl for three straight hours, and we made ourselves feel very good. And for three hours, we felt powerful. What do you feel at the end of those three hours? You feel disgusting. You feel I can't. What did I just do? And not only that, you really made it even worse because you know that the person you spoke loshon hara with One day they might speak loshon hara about you. How do you know? Because they were just speaking loshon hara with you. And they don't trust you either because you were just speaking loshon hara with them. None of us have ever walked away from those like DMCs feeling good about ourselves. We always feel terrible. You know why? Because at the end, when we're done with the ruach tos and the real self returns, we go, 'What did I just do that for?' You ever make a kabbalah? You ever say, "I promise," you ever do these? I promise myself I'm never gonna do this. Do you remember when you first did it? Do you remember when you first crossed that line and you're like "I can't believe I just did the thing I promised myself I would never do." Everybody has their imaginary line in the sand. That they draw. I'll never do this avera.

20:52 For boys, at least for boys in America, it's summer after tenth grade. Summer after tenth grade, every boy is like, I can't believe I just did the thing that I promised myself I would never do. What's the pshat? What's the pshat? The pshat is we do things sometimes that we're not proud of. Why did we do that? Because we were bad people. We did it because in that moment we were feeling very low about ourselves. So how did I decide to make myself feel better? I made myself feel better by talking badly about somebody else. At the end, I felt terrible because it's not the person I want to be. At the end, I felt terrible because that wasn't a real conversation between two people. I don't want to talk about people in a nasty way. I want to talk about people in a beautiful way. I want to see people in a beautiful way, and I hope people see me in a beautiful way. I don't feel good about that. That wasn't nice. So where was I for the last two hours? That was really me. Chassid Sholem, Chazal say, "Ein Adam Chotei Ele Mkei Nichnas Ba Uroch Shtos." This is a beautiful story, the Labavitcher Rebbe. This is my favorite story. Everyone talks about all the miraculous things the Labavitcher Rebbe did.

21:50 I don't know about any miracles, but I want to tell you this story is an amazing story. A yid came to the Labavitcher Rebbe and he said, Rebbe, this year I'm not going to shul on Yom Kippur. First of all, it's a strange thing to show up to 770 to tell the Rebbe that you're not going to shul on Yom Kippur. It's already a strange thing, but this is what happened. So the Rebbe looked at him. He said, "Why not?" He goes, "Rebbe, I'm tired of being a faker. I don't go to shul the rest of the year. I'm not an observant Jew. I don't go to shul. I should go to shul on Yom Kippur." So we don't. I don't know how much we have that here in Israel, and I don't know how much we have it here in our neighborhood. But when I was growing up, there were these Russian kids that you never saw. I grew up in a place called Farakwe. There was a place called Young Israel Farakwe that was the shul I grew up in. Every year Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, there were these Russian kids that came. These Russian immigrants lived in the neighborhood. They would only come on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. I never saw them the rest of the year. This is the way. People who are deeply removed from Hakadosh Baruch Hu don't miss Shul on Yom Kippur.

22:44 So these kids would come. This guy said, Rebbe, I'm not going to Shul on Yom Kippur. 364 days a year, I don't go to Shul. I should come to Shul on Yom Kippur. I feel like a faker. The Rebbe, without blinking an eye, said, I agree with you. On Yom Kippur, that's the real you. Stop being a faker the rest of the year. We have to make a decision right here, right now. We have to make a decision. Who's the real you? Girls, it doesn't matter. It's just a phone. I promise you, it's just music. We have an opportunity. There's a real opportunity in front of us. We could pay attention to the music. Or this is like mamish happening in this moment. We could sit in judgment. Any of our phones could have gone off. We could say that the person's phone is going off. Say there. It's a little bit of music. What's the difference? This is the avodah. It was a mistake. Say there. Phone went off.

23:30 I bet you that right now some of us still have our phones on. It happened already five times this year. It's probably going to happen ten more times. It's okay. It's just a mistake. It's not a big deal. This is a culture. A mistake happened. Something imperfect. Who cares? It's just a phone. This is a perfect example, Mamish, in real time of it happening. It's just a phone. It's not a big deal. We have to make a decision right here and right now. Who's the real person? This is what I want to choose this year. And I've been trying to choose this, frankly, for a very long time, and I'm still not matsliach, but I'm going to keep trying. This is the decision: Am I my worst moments, or am I my best moments? You can't be both. You have to decide which one you are.

24:11 If you are your worst moments, if you're feeling a deep sense of anxiety, like Yom Kippur is coming, and I'm a terrible person, now I have to get up in front of Hashem and say, Hashem. Here's all the ways that I was a terrible person, and I got a special machzor, and in the back of the machzor, it has Ashamnu, and then it has the 30 averas that are under Ashamnu, and you look at them and you're like, okay, I've done 28 of these, and then you go to Bagadnu and it's got like 50, and you're like, okay, I've done 47 of them. By the time you're done with Yom Kippur, you feel like a piece of garbage. And how many of us think that's Yom Kippur? That the goal of Yom Kippur is to make us feel like a piece of garbage, and then we go. Yom Kippur is a day of simcha, is the worst day of the year. And they're right Because if that's who you are, Yom Kippur is the worst day of the year. But if you look at that list and you go, 'Whoa, this year I was mamish, had moments of insanity over and over again, and I didn't behave in a way that's really me.'

25:14 Do you realize what an unbelievable simcha that is? The greatest simcha in the world is to know I'm deeply okay. I don't have to be afraid of getting up. Even berabim, like the Rambam says, and saying, 'I hurt this person this year' And I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't me. So I can talk about it freely. I don't have to be nervous that I'm going to be judged because it used to be in the times of the Rambam that when you got up and you said, "I'm imperfect," nobody looked at you and said, "I can't believe you're imperfect." Yiddishkeit is supposed to be a religion where every yid is accepted, even when they're imperfect. Because we were born to be imperfect, Hakadosh Baruch Hu made us imperfect. Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted us to be perfect; He would have made us malachim. Tshuva was created before the creation of the world, Chazal say, which means you were always going to make a mistake.

26:09 Every year I tell this story; it's one of my favorite stories of all time. The story goes back I think it's already thirteen, fourteen years ago. A boy comes to me before Yom Kippur, a gem of a boy. And he comes to me and he goes, 'Rabbi, could we talk?' I have serious ADHD. I can't sit in an office all day long. I have to walk around with boys. Baruch Hashem, we have a big campus in the yeshiva, so we went on a walk. We're about 72 seconds into the walk. It's very specific, right? About 72 seconds into the walk, and the boy breaks down crying. I know that he's a sensitive guy, but I wasn't expecting this mamish waterfall. He cannot get the words out of his. Like he just can't talk. So we calmed down, and I said to him, "What's going on?" He said, Rebbe, I have something very embarrassing to tell you. I'm dreading telling you, but I feel like I have to tell you. I said it's okay. I'm not a judgmental person. It's not you. It's a ruach stos. It's just the German. It wasn't really you. He said, Rebbe, I have to tell you this.

27:04 I have a dream that one day I want to be a Rebbe. I said that's not so embarrassing. I'm a Rebbe. It happens even to the best of us. Some of us slip and we end up in chenoch. We'll be a little bit poorer than everybody else, but we have a good life. He's like, no, Rebbe, that's not the problem. The problem was that two years ago, when I was in high school He said I did an avera. Rabbi, I can't tell you what the avera is. I said you don't have to. He said no, but I need to get it off my chest. I said okay, you're welcome to tell me. Took him like five minutes. Finally admitted to me that he ate treif. He ate treif. He went to a place called Burger King. So not kosher restaurant. They have a cheeseburger. He ate a cheeseburger. And then he said to me, Rabbi, I've always had this secret dream that one day I was going to grow up and be a rebbe. And now I can't.

27:51 So I was momish confused. I was like, "Why can't you be a rebbe?" He said, "Because I hate Burger King." "So you did averi, you could do tshuva. Like I don't understand. He goes, 'No, rebbe, you don't understand.' My rebbeim never did averis like that. I was like, 'I know you're a rebbeim. I'm not going to sit there and tell you what averis they did. But a lot of those guys I knew from high school. I know what you're talking about.' He was like, "No, rebbe, it. It can't be." It can't be. Rav Huttner writes. He wrote to a Talmud who listed him all the things. Rav Huttner writes like it's a terrible thing that we have these gedolim stories where you've heard the gedolim stories. Rav Chaim Kaniewski knew all of Shas and Piskeim from the time he was eight years old. I have an eight-year-old son. He doesn't know Shas and Piskeim.

28:38 We should have another kid and we should get rid of that one because he didn't know Shas and Piskeim by the time he was eight years old. These people were children. And they made mistakes, and they learned from those mistakes. That's what Rav Huna writes. And this kid is our rebbe today. That kid was so broken because he said, "I am my lowest moment" And it took so much work with him just to tell him. So you made a mistake, beseder. It's a big mistake, but you made a mistake. So what? It wasn't you. That was the German. That was the roshloz. It's not you. Do you know the simcha? It's called relief. Do you know the simcha of finally being able to say Baruch Hashem, I'm not that person. It sometimes could take you 40 years. I had a conversation with the principal of my elementary school.

29:29 My rasha shiva I don't know if you've heard of him in America he's huge. My rasha shiva is Rabbi Yaakov Bender. Has anyone any if you've heard of Rabbi Yaakov Bender? Rabbi Bender was the rasha shiva that took me into the yeshiva. Mr. Richie Altaby was the principal. We were very close. Baruch Hashem, I'm close with both of them until today. About five years ago, I was 40 years old. I was talking with Richie Altbe and I was talking about the fact that I got expelled from school in fifth grade. And he looked at me and he goes,"I'm not joking." He looked at me and he goes You were 10. You deserved a second chance. It was the first time. He's talking about 30 years later. It was the first time in 30 years. It was the first time that it occurred to me that I was 10 when I got expelled. I had been carrying it with me for 30 years. I was carrying it with me for 30 years.

30:18 I'm really a bad kid. Inside of me, I know I'm a bad kid. Today I play this role where I get up and I speak and I have a beard and I'm a rebbe, but it's all an act. It's not real. Really, I'm the kid that got thrown out. And I was 10. I have an 11 year old daughter. Do you know how big 10 year olds are? 10 year olds are tiny. 10 year olds are little babies. What we tell children about themselves really matters. You know that teacher in your school. Every one of you knows which teacher it is. You know that teacher in your school that she's just authentically kind to every single girl. She just sees everyone in a good light. Isn't that a gift? That no matter what you do, she sees you in this beautiful way. He's a second grade rebbe and darkei. He's still a rebbe today.

31:07 His name is Rabbi Eliezer Saulniger. Rabbi Saulniger is the sweetest man in the world. He doesn't have children himself. I'll tell you an amazing story about him in a minute. But I want to tell you when a kid misbehaves in second grade. Rabbi Saulinger has the funniest jokes about how to get that kid to behave. There's a place called Alba Island. It's like a prison, where they send prisoners off to. And there's a word called imperpetuity. It means forever. So he taught his little second graders. It's a joke that he's been doing for years. That if a kid misbehaves, he says,"If you don't start behaving," and then the whole class gets up together and says,"And imagine these little second graders. You're talking about seven-year-olds. Little second grader goes, they all together, and of course they go,'We're gonna send you to Alba Island for in perpetuity,' and everybody laughs.

32:01 Isn't that a beautiful thing? Rabbi Solinger says to the boy, "If you don't start behaving, I'm gonna dip you in chocolate." Is the sweetest man in the world. My brother—it's a crazy story, and I'm not going to get into the details now. When I was expelled from school, my brother was in second grade. And even though my brother was allowed to stay, my parents weren't going to keep him in the school, so they pulled him also. We went to Darchei together. My brother had Rabbi Saltinger in second grade. He had the best chinuch year of his life in second grade. Because Rabbi Saltinger just loved him. And it happens to be that my brother was very sick that year. In fact, my brother was so sick that he almost died that year. It was a crazy story, and I'm not going to get into it now. But my brother was going through something terrible that year. Which, by the way, maybe if my first school had asked what was going on at home, maybe they would have understood why I wasn't behaving so well. But they didn't ask, and that's okay.

32:54 My brother had such deep hakarasatov to Rabbi Saltinger. That year, when he was sick and he couldn't come to school, Rabbi Saltinger would always say, "Don't worry, I'm going to make up the material with you. And anything that happened wrong, I'm going to dip you in chocolate and I'm going to send you to Alba Island for interpetuity." That many, many years later When my brother had a son and he had nobody to name after He called Rabbi Saltinger and he said, "Rebbe" I know that you weren't ready to have children And maybe you had people that you wanted to name after. Please You take this child's name. Whoever you wanted a name after I'll name this child that name. And Rabbi Saldinger said, I never had the opportunity to name a child after my father. And my nephew today carries the name of Rabbi Saldinger's father.

33:45 Because in second grade he had a rebbe that only saw the positive in kids. In second grade, my brother was seven. When he named this kid, he was in his mid-thirties. You have the impact that a person can have when they see a child in a beautiful way, and the danger of what happens when you see the child Chassid Shalom in a negative way. Then they start acting it out. My brother, if my brother is a From Jew today, it's because people like Rabbi Saltinger, in his weakest moments, where he was mamish very sickly, Rabbi Saltinger just loved him. His yeshiva today in America called Waterbury. The Menahel of Waterbury is Rabbi Kalish. I grew up down the block from Rabbi Kalish in Lawrence. The whole world is tumulting about Rabbi Kalish. What an amazing Rabbi he is! Everyone's acting like Rabbi Kalish reinvented the wheel.

34:36 Rabbi Kalish didn't reinvent the wheel. Rabbi Kalish is doing the right thing, and unfortunately today it's a novelty. Rabbi Kalish just says. Anyone who wants to come learn by us can come learn by us, and they're here, and that's it. We'll just love them as they are, and we'll watch them grow, and we'll appreciate them until they become the person they're going to become. That's a gift. If you have someone in your life who looks at you with beautiful eyes, stay close to that person. David Amelech is described as Yafei Naim, right? He had beautiful eyes. What does it mean? David Amelech had blue eyes. It means David Amelech knew how to see the beauty in every single Jew, and so when a Jew was doing something wrong, he didn't look and go I caught her. The Sniass police caught her. She walked in the door. The Sniass police caught her and turned her around. It's not the way we look at people.

35:23 It's not our avoda. Our avoda is to look at people and say, "Help me understand what's happening in your life that this ruach shduz is coming into you." And so we carry that into Yom Kippur and we think Yom Kippur is not a day of simcha. We should be dancing on Yom Kippur. Why should we be dancing? Because I'm finally free of this deep sense of shame that I am my lowest moment. That I always promised myself I was never going to do this, and now I do this. That last year, I told myself I'm not going to be that person, and I did it 40 more times. That's the simcha of Yom Kippur. That's why you can get up and say, 'Hashanu b'gadnu gazonu.' Inuchnami. 47 out of 50, 29 out of 30. I've done all of them. They weren't me. Not one of them was me. How do I know? Because I'm sitting here on Yom Kippur, and I'm really asking, Rebbeinu Shlom, I just want to feel innocent again. I just want to feel innocent. When's the last time we actually felt innocent? When's the last time we actually felt like legitimately good?

36:16 People like come. You know this. I'm sure you see a lot in the neighborhood that these boys and girls come to seminary and yeshiva for a year or two in Eretz Yisrael. You see these boys and girls, yeah? Do you know how many of these guys and girls have a mindset that when they come to yeshiva, it's an opportunity to reinvent themselves? I get to wipe the slate clean from whatever I've been doing for the last 18 years, and now when I come back to America in a year from now, I'll look all from. I'll put on my white shirt. I'll put on my davening jacket. I'll shackle like I'm having a seizure And everyone will say, 'Oh, he's so from now.' The girls will come. I don't really understand why you're diving like this, but the girls will smack the sitter in their face, and they'll hold their elbow, and they'll shake, and they'll cry all their makeup into their sitter. You can always tell how from a girl is based on how many colors have been cried into her sitter. You don't need to reinvent yourself.

37:04 And we shouldn't have a community where you need to reinvent yourself. Why should I need to reinvent myself if people are looking at me and they're seeing the good? I have to make sure that my daughter doesn't sit next to that girl because it might be contagious. Could you imagine if Rabbi Bender had said that about me After I got expelled from school? Why should I take in that kid? Maybe he's going to come into the classroom and he's going to teach all the kids all the bad things. And had he said that, I promise you, I wouldn't be sitting here today. There's no way I'd be here talking to you today if Rabbi Bender had an attitude of, I don't want to take the kid that was expelled from one school because then I don't know what's going to happen. He's going to learn bechavrusa with this kid. I want you to know, I did do those things. I came into the new yeshiva. It was a black hat yeshiva place. I was coming from a coed school. I came into a black hat yeshiva place, and I did tell the boys things that I had seen and heard and done. They were my friends. I told them.

37:57 Nobody went off the derech because Matt Berg told these kids X, Y, and Z. Thirty years later, the impact they had on me was much, much bigger than the impact I had on them. Because the impact thirty years later is. My Rosh Yeshiva took me in, and he loved me no matter what. In eighth grade, I got in very big trouble again. I remember I got up and walked out of Rabbi Bender's office. And I was storming out of the office. And Rabbi Bender, very calmly, he said to me, "He goes" If you keep walking, you're walking out of the school. I turned right around and sat right back down in his desk. Last thing I wanted to do was leave him. Because I knew he cared so much about me. That's a gift. That's the greatest simcha in the world. I but maybe you'll say, but if I was a better person, it would never happen.

38:47 The kohen gadol on Yom Kippur, the holiest person in the holiest time. What's the big miracle that he doesn't become tameh? Why would he become tameh? You know why? Because you could be the holiest person in the world in the holiest time in the world, and you could still become tameh. Because a ruach sh'tos can come in whenever. And you know what? Maybe dafka. Maybe dafka because you're the holiest person in the holiest time. Maybe that's when you get attacked. The Rav Margolius is a Rav in the neighborhood and a shul called Shari Tefila. He has a great line. He says, "When's the first time that you pay attention in davening?" When you have to say the shir shal yom because you have to think about what day it is. How many of us are in the middle of saying Shmona Esrei and we're who knows where we are? But we're definitely not. You ever get to Modim and be like, 'How did I get to Modim?'

39:36 You ever get to the end of Shmona Esrei? You like walk back and you're like, "I have no like. How did we say the words and our minds were someplace completely different?" It's a crazy thing we're able to do. So you you'll say like I just have no kavana. Maybe you have no kavana because you were in the middle of davening shmona esrei and dafka. Then you are so exceptionally powerful that you're the kohen gadol on Yom Kippur in the Kodesh Hakadosh. You're about to stand in front of Hakadosh Baruch Hu. So maybe dafka. That's when the roshdo comes. Maybe that's why you had that strange thought in that moment Not because you're bad. But because you're awesome and you were standing in front of their binyan, so the yetsahar has to say, 'I got to go to war.' Look at what this girl is about to do with her tefilas. So you have to come to Yom Kippur and you have to recognize the only reason that the kohen gadol on Yom Kippur doesn't become tamei is because it's a miracle.

40:25 Because if it wasn't for that miracle, dafka he would become tamei at that time. Dafka. That's exactly when it would happen. I am the Cohen Gadol. I am the Gadol Ador. Because you're the Gadol Ador, the Nissayon is unbelievable. It can happen to anybody. So stop blaming yourself that it happened to you. Stop blaming yourself. But you don't know. If the school would really find out Halavai, we should live in a world that if the school really found out, their first thought should be We're gonna help. How can we help this person? I know that's not who they really are. But we live in a world where our first natural inclination is to look at the negative. We have to start with ourselves. We can't control people around us, but we can build a better community. So you girls can be the ones to grow up to be mothers who see their children with kindness. You can grow up to be friends that look at each other and say, "It was a mistake."

41:18 It's forgivable because I know it's not really her. And I can keep participating in the relationship with her, and I can even confront her and talk to her about it. I don't have to be angry because I know it was just a silly moment. It's not easy to say these things. I get no pleasure from saying these things. But somebody has to say it because otherwise there are people walking around in this room. There are people walking around feeling a deep sense of rejection. Yiddishkeit is supposed to be something that makes us sore. We have to build that, and it starts with Yom Kippur. We turn to Hakadosh Baruch Hu and we say Avichem Shabbat Shamayim. Please, Rebbe Nachum Tati, teach me that this is not me. Teach me that it was the German inside of me. Teach me that it was a ruach stos. I don't want to be this person anymore.

42:11 I. But you're going to do the aveirah tomorrow. That's the German. I want to give us all a bracha. I don't mean like a bracha like a rabbi. I mean a bracha like Chazal say. Don't take lightly the bracha of a simple person. I want to daven for all of us, and I hope you'll daven for me too. That this year It should be a year of I'm okay. I'm understandable. The things that I've done don't define me, and I want to be a person who sees that in other people too. And in that tzchus, I hope the Rebbeinu Sholom looks at me the same way Because he does. The Rebbeinu Sholom looks at us, and he knows who we really are. The Rebbeinu Sholom knows our parents and our grandparents and our great-grandparents. The Rebbeinu Sholom knows better than we do all the things that we've been through, and the Rebbeinu Sholom knows exactly why we're behaving the way we're behaving. And the Rebbeinu Sholom is infinitely compassionate.

43:04 It's true, din is real. Din is real. But we don't have to be afraid of din because if you knew what somebody went through their entire life, would you ever look at them negatively? The Rebbeinu Shalom knows every single moment of our lives. We should be zeiche to a good pesach. We should be zeiche to feel Hakadosh Baruch Hu's love in our lives. To see ourselves with beautiful eyes and bezez Hashem. To see every one of us only with Yafei Naim, like Dvarimach. The Marchasim a tovah and a good kevashcher.