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Every year When I was living in America, I would spend my tishbav in Eish Kodesh in Woodmere by Meir Weinberger Shlitah And every year he would begin his tishbav shmuus with the same words With a krechts, with a cry, he would say. Nach tish above Which means another tish above As if to ask How did we get here? How did we get here again? And for me To hear of Weinberger say those words of nach tish above I had mixed emotions. It was on the one hand I felt uplifted. By the cry of the tzaddik That I saw what it meant to be misavel al Yerushalayim And at the same time I always felt a disconnect because I didn't have those same feelings. And I always had difficulty connecting to Tishbev when I wasn't in Woodmere, and even though I've been in Eretz Yisrael now.
For close to a decade, I can still hear every tishbev The echoes of that nach tishbev, but I feel totally disconnected. Totally disconnected from the avelus of Yerushalayim of Beis Hamikdash And even with all of the shmuzim that I've heard It still can be difficult to connect to. I heard about a marshal of a family that was sent to jail to the dungeons by the king for some misdeed they had done. But they weren't just exiled to the dungeons for a couple of years; they were exiled, along with their family, for several lifetimes. And living in the dungeon, surrounded by the rats and the cockroaches and the sewage And the other inmates—people who had nebach Fallen into a very low place—this family Who was once a normal, healthy Wonderful family Adapted to their surroundings And they began to make a life, whatever life one can make in the dungeon. They began to make a life for themselves.
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And the food that they were given to eat was a very meager existence and a very coarse food. But it was the food that they had, and so they adapted. And living with the animals and the sewage and the smell. They adapted. And in time There were zayicha to bring children into the world Who, lo alenu, grew up in such an environment. And in time, the original parents passed away. And the children grew up. Married other inmates who were living in the dungeon. They themselves had children. And several generations went by until the king decreed that it was time for this family to be released from the dungeon. But when it came time When the king's emissaries came to this family and said, "You're welcome to reconnect with the outside world" They saw no need to leave. This is where they built their home. This is where they built their life.
This is where they felt comfortable. Change is a scary thing. They didn't want to leave. Here, they knew where their next meal was coming from, despite the coarseness of the food. Despite the stench, despite the grotesque surroundings This was home for them, and they had become accustomed to it. And even though they had an opportunity to leave and come to something much better In a certain way they didn't even believe that it could be better. This is what it is. This is what life is. And that's what it's like for many of us, and certainly for me. We've been living in this gullus for so long. We've become accustomed to this gullus. To this life. That to be misavel al yushalayim is so difficult. How could we be misavel al yushalayim? Life is good. This is what we know. Change is scary. You want me to connect to something that I've never seen. You want me to yearn for something that I've never experienced.
This is a very difficult task. Like that family, in a certain way. In the deepest depths, we long for Yerushalayim. But in an obvious way It's difficult for us to connect to because we've been living in these surroundings for so long. I want to read to you a piece from Dikunei Zohar Daf Aynamit Beis. I'll read the translation so everyone can understand it. If anyone doesn't understand, you're welcome to ask. It says, "Tavoh haGeulah u'Mameila Yizakin Akol." The Geulah will come and everything will be fixed. Ma'od Yitakin Be'Osla Eis, and what else will be fixed in that moment? Ki Haleiv Chayla. Our heart is sick. We have heart disease. Sheklal Yisrael Soivle Me'Chayle Haleiv. K'Me'Shakasa B'Medrash SheYisrael Nimshulu LaTamar. Now we're living in gullus, and we have heart disease. We've had to be civil so much. We've had to contain and hold so much throughout this very long and difficult and arduous gullus That the one heart that we have, ravim shabashamayim.
It's no longer beating. It's not beating in a healthy way. Like that family who's living in the dungeon. It's not a healthy existence. It's diminished us. We've had to hold so much. We've become accustomed to so much, but in the process, we've gotten sick. As long as that ruach that's merachefes upnei amayim, like we're told in the beginning of Bereishis And the Zayar says, 'Daruchah the Mashiach.' This is the ruach of Mashiach. We're living in a chaotic world, but there is an essence of Mashiach that exists. But as long as Mashiach hasn't come, as long as we don't have that ruach in the world. The leiv is not daifek properly. The heart cannot beat. Ume meila emein aleiv daifek nechshavim kulam begalos kamesh, and if the heart is not beating, so then we are all considered dead. Valei em nemar, the mechashchem hashiveini kamesh ayelom And this is why so many of us have trouble feeling.
The heart is not beating. There's a certain bechina of misa that we're living in this gullus, a certain bechina of death. It's so hard to feel. Just to attempt to have one good, healthy, normal feeling for anything And of course for Yisraelim, it's so hard to feel because that ruach of Mashiach is not yet here. And I'm skipping down to the bottom. When Mashiach will come Miad toshav haruach, ois haruach menukh for the paradosh go that ruach that emanates from the higher Higher places The b'chinah of keser, which is where Mashiach gets his ruach from. We will be healed when Mashiach comes. We will feel alive again. It's like Kaviochu when a person gets sick. And they've forgotten. They have a flu, Nebuch Have a three-day flu. They've forgotten what it feels like to feel good. They can't swallow. They can't breathe. Even though they've been breathing their whole life, they can't breathe for three days.
I can't even remember what it's like to breathe. This is what it's like right now. We can't even remember what real life feels like. We've been sick for so long; the heart has not beaten properly in so long that we don't even remember what it feels like to be alive. And so, of course, we can't cry because of the chayla that we live with, because of this diseased heart that is held so much at this long, long galus. So we've become defensive. We've become a very defensive people. To allow ourselves to cry would be a very scary thing because when we lost Beis Hamikdash We know it says V'Asulim Mikdash Roshachanti Besoicha. Beis Hamikdash is a piece of ourselves And so what we lost is a piece of ourselves. And when a person has an impoverished mentality. When they feel like they are not enough because they've lost something of themselves So the natural stance is to become defensive.
And so, how could we cry? The vulnerability of crying is so deep. It touches a place in us that is so essential. Because of the chayla, because of the sickness, it's come out impossible for us to shed a tear. We know that there are two types of tears. There's tears of pain and there's tears of joy. Where do tears come from? Tears come from an overflow of or into keli. That we all are a vessel And we become so filled with or, we become so filled with emotion. That when the kli cannot be makabel the emotion anymore, it overflows and the vessel breaks, and there's an outpouring of emotion. And of course, in times of simcha, by a child's chasnu when a child is born We're so overcome with emotion that our kli cannot handle it, that the tears overflow, and in a certain way, we feel very broken.
But of course, when it's brokenness of simcha, it's the most exhilarating and alive feeling in the world. And of course Lo alainu, when there's so much tragedy in the world, when we hear news of people being stabbed in the streets of Yerushalayim just because they're yidden When we hear of people losing loved ones, when people are sick with yanimachlo And it breaks us in a certain way. We are overcome with emotion. And that's where tears come from. But there is no such thing as selectively numbing. If you numb one way, if you numb the emotions one way, then you numb the emotions the other way. Because if you can't feel one way, then you're not going to be able to feel the other way. And if we can't feel the tears, if we can't access the emotion that's inside of us To be Miss Avvel al Yerushalayim Then we won't be able to feel the tears of joy.
And this is what Chazal mean when they say Kol Hamisavol al Yerushalayim Zoyche v'Raya B'Simchasa. Those that mourn for Yerushalayim for Beis Hamikdash. So they will be the ones that ultimately experience the Simcha. Because if your vessel can break now And you can feel those tears welling up inside of you, which is a very hard and perhaps even impossible thing for some of us. Though I don't know if that's true, it's certainly difficult. But if we can't experience that now, if we're numb one way, then we're going to be numb the other way. And those who can't feel the availus now So they won't be able to feel the simchah in the zman of the ultimate redemption. Because the simchah comes because your vessel knows how to break Because you can lean into the vulnerability. And you can say, despite the fact that it's so difficult for me But I know that somewhere deep inside of me there are tears And I want so badly to feel And I'm willing to close my eyes And I'm willing just to be in myself for one moment. If I can access the emotion now, then zoychev iraya b'simchas, then I will also be able to be a cle that can break.
And that will be able to experience the simcha of the ultimate redemption. And this is what Rav Kook says. Rav Kook says that those who are not misaval for Yishalayim might see the Beis Hamikdash be rebuilt. But they won't be able to experience the simcha of the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash. They won't be zoyche v'iraya b'simchas Because if you can't feel one way, then you can't feel the other way. Bechavra, the solution is for us to cry. That is the only solution we must experience the avelus And despite the fact that it's so difficult, because we're so comfortable Because we're so broken Because we're so sick Because the gullus is so heavy, we have to find that spark of beis hamikdash that was not destroyed. That spark of beis hamikdash that still exists within us Because chaver we know that Hakadosh Baruch Hu took out his wrath.
And destroy the Beis Hamikdash rather than destroying us. A person should know that the Beis Hamikdash is never truly destroyed. That kedusha of the Beis Hamikdash that existed within every one of us continues to exist. And that nikkuda hapnimis, that nikkuda inside of us, that is where we have to cry from. We have to access that place within us. Klushas Levi says that when we say Kolamisavla Yerushalayim Zoyche Viroya B'Simchasa Zoyche is from a lashon of his dachchos Creates clarity. It purifies us. So Kolamisavla Yerushalayim Zoyche Chevre, if we can access that part of us That internal part of us. That is still based on mikdash. It's still Jerusalem. So then, Zeich There's going to come a clarity. There's going to come a purification inside of us. That it will become obvious to us. Despite the koshiy of the gullets, despite how difficult life has become for us
Even though we're so comfortable here, that's the paradox. We're so comfortable. But we're comfortable because we have to be comfortable, not because this is be'etzem what we want. Be'etzem we want so much more. Talk to anybody today. Are you happy with your yidushkeit? I want more. We're seeing that revolution of the people that are so thirsty. They've been living in the midbar that their thirst is coming out, and they're saying, "I want to be close to the Rebbe Anisholim." And that's the way every one of us feels. We all feel like we want to be close to the Rebbe Anisholim. If we can access that nikkuda inside of us, it will create that clarity and that purity. And we can become people who are beis Hamikdash Who can live with that simcha Not la aser lava, but right now kol aroyav kol arzay kolam esavla yushalayim zoyche v'royav b'simcha.
Doesn't say that only. In via Hashem Ashiach, but right now we will be able to experience that simcha because there'll be a clarity of purpose that exists within us. We have to become people who have to fake it in a certain way to get to that availus Because it is real within us. We have to chop off that klepa to get to the essence. Pasuk says, "Shivchi kamayim libeich." We pour out our hearts like water. What does it mean, Shifchi kamayim libeich? Why kamayim? Why are we pouring out our hearts like water? So I saw from Shlomo Kabbach that he says that when a person drinks salt water It does not refresh them. It does not rejuvenate them. They could keep drinking and keep drinking, but all they want is more and more. But when a person drinks pure water Clean water, healthy water They can have one cup and feel refreshed and rejuvenated.
And so that's what we're saying: shivchi kamaim libeich. That we are crying bitter tears, salty tears That be'etzem don't have the ability to rejuvenate because they're so salty. Let these salty tears be purified. Let them be water. Let them refresh us. We need to have a good cry. And even though that's exactly the thing that's so difficult for us, because it's so difficult for us to connect to something that we've never seen, that we've never experienced, that we've only heard about, and because we've been living in this gallus and we've become so sick from this gallus and we've become defensive and we're afraid of the vulnerability. But chaver, that's what we need more than anything in the world: a good cry A refreshing cry. Sometimes after a good cry. You see, a person just feels so much better; they feel so light. Shifchi kamaim libech That their heart is just It's free.
Medrash tells us that when we were leaving Beis Hamikdash When we were being exiled, the Romans tied our hands behind our backs. Why? The Medrash says so we wouldn't be able to wipe away our tears. Because when a yid has the capability of wiping away his tears He says, "I had a good cry." Now I need to move on. I need to start to rebuild. And the Romans knew this And they said, "We don't want to give a yid the opportunity to rebuild." We don't want to give a yid the capability of being hopeful about the future. So let those tears remain salty on our face. But chavra We need to be able to have that cleansing cry. That avilos cry of kolamis avil al Yerushalayim. That's what we need more than anything in the world. And when we have that cry When our eyes Are free of those saltwater tears, and they've become purified tears, and we've wiped them away. Then the sechazena einenu Then our eyes will be returned to us.
The sechazena einenu b'shuv cholutzia im berachim. Then we will be zayecha to return. So we have to have that cry. Our eyes are so filled with tears that we can't see. We can't see, and we complain. We complain about it, and it's normal that we complain about it. I can't see. I can't see. What do you want me to see here? I don't see anything. Of course, we don't see. We don't see because our eyes are so clouded with those broken tears, those salty tears, that we've become blinded. So, für sechzehn einainim We need to have our eyes returned to us. And then we'll be zeiche to zeiche v'roya b'simchasa to the ultimate redemption. Será bem a menor.
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